Day 228: It won’t go faster even though I want it to

A trigger point for stress that I’ve noticed recently is when things take longer than they expect them to take. This point has opened up in relation to a university course in marketing that I’m walking.

When I decided upon taking this course, I held an assumption that it would be easy. I thought it would be one of those basic courses with a few assignments, and then an exam at the end. Usually I’ve been able to walk through such courses with ease – and it’s only been required of me to invest some hours each week for me to stay on top of things and make sure that I’m following along with curriculum.

Though, this course in marketing happened to be a course that contrary to my assumption, was big – containing many assignments, a impressive amounts of papers to be read, and on-top of that, an exam at the end of the course. Thus, what has happened is that I’m now in a position with regards to my studies, where I feel that there is too much to do, and too little time for me to invest. A consequence that has developed due to me initially having the assumption that “I will not have to spend much time on this!” – is that when I sit down to write my assignments, I go into a state of stress, and attempt to force a result to come through faster, so that it can fit with my initial idea of how much time it should’ve taken me to successfully put this course behind me.

Now, this is not an effective way to approach studies, and neither life in general, because if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that when I try to force things, it will not produce a end result that I am satisfied. On top of that, I will place pressure on myself, because I’m trying to move faster than what I’m able to move – thus creating a conflict within me. Because obviously, when I try to force a point to move faster than is possible, then this will put a strain on me and diminish my capacity to effectively walk through the material.

What are the lessons to be learned from this?

Firstly: It’s possible to plan and make an overall assessment of how things might play out in the future – but it’s not possible to make an exact prediction of how reality is in-fact going to manifest as I put my plan into action. Thus, it’s important to remain flexible, and when I notice that a task, responsibility or commitment takes me longer than what I initially thought, to then align with reality, and walk with the new conditions of my life – instead of trying to fight them.

If I was to relate this to my marketing course, the solution is that I stop trying to force the completion of the course with as little time as I initially assumed – and rather align myself with the reality of the situation, which is that I must put in more effort and time to effectively bring this to a conclusion. Fortunately my reality allows for such a change in priorities, and thus there is nothing hindering me from giving this aspect of my life more of my time.

Secondly: To create something in the physical takes the time it takes. It’s not possible to speed up the creation of a physical creation through stress, it’s not possible to speed up through thinking about how fast it should be going. For example, to cook a meal, you require a certain amount of time, and you can’t do it faster than this. If you do, then you’ll end up with undercooked food, which is not nourishing or supportive for the human physical body – and the same goes for all other physical creation points. They require a certain investment of time, and instead of fighting reality, the solution is to walk with reality.

Relating this to the situation I’m facing, the solution would be to let go of the need for things to go faster than what they are, and embrace the point of walking this course, and invest the time necessary for me to do it effectively – realizing that there is no way I can force physical reality to bend to my will of wanting things to go faster, through existing in a constant conflict within myself.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an assumption of how fast I would be able to complete and walk through my course, and then when this shows out to not be the case, go into a resistance, and not want to accept the reality that I’m facing, and then instead of aligning my priorities, and responsibilities, so that I can take care of this course, and give it the time it requires, want to fight reality, and use energy, as stress, to force myself through the course, and do it faster

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that walking in the pace of breath, means that certain points in my life that involve physical creation, can’t be forced, can’t be stressed – and here an analogy can be made to the growth of a tree – I can’t force a tree to grow faster than what it does, through for example, giving it excessive amounts of sun, or water, because both will damage the tree and instead of empowering it, diminishing it, and it will in-fact regress rather than grow – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the same applies for me in regards to the responsibilities and commitments that I’m walking – that certain points must simply take the time that they require – else they’ll be compromised

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when I try to force things, to make them move faster than what they’re able to, then I’m going to compromise the creation, and it won’t be stable, or effective – such as for example when I force the point of writing my assignments, trying to do them as fast as possible = when I do this I’m in-fact compromising the effectiveness of my writings, and thus I am missing in that a moment where I could develop my potential for writing, and expressing myself in letters, and become more effective with regards to comprehending, and then sharing information in the written word

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that quality far outweighs quantity, that doing something with presence, awareness and care, and creating a quality product, is something that I will be satisfied with, and look back at with a sense of contentedness, because I’m completing that moment, walking it to it’s fullest potential, whereas when I do things, just to get them done, focusing upon quantity, I’m going to look back in a sense of dissatisfaction, knowing that I didn’t walk that particular point to it’s fullest potential, but instead compromised the creation because I wanted to get it done faster

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that instead of fighting points that enter into my life, that requires my time, effort, and patience to be effectively walked, to instead embrace them, to see that this point comes into my life for me to direct the point, for me to express myself within this point, and learn something from it – and I’m not able to walk that process of self-growth and expansion if I accept and allow myself to hold unto, and exist within and as a state of conflict within myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be comfortable with making room for my studies, accepting and allowing myself to take the time I require in order to walk through my studies, in order to integrate the information, and to write an effective assignment – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the solution is to slow down, and to embrace life as the physical, as it comes into my world and instead of fighting life, embrace and see what I can learn, what gifts I can develop, what point I can extract and give to myself that this particular point represents

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I want to stress, and force my studies, and make them go faster than what they’re able to, I stop, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understanding that in stressing, forcing and attempting to get things done NOW – because I believe that this particular point is not worth the time, then I am missing a gift, and squandering a moment of self-creation, and not living my life to create quality, substance, and value from the points that I’m walking – and thus I commit myself to embrace the responsibilities, and obligations that enter into my life – to walk them fully, completely and with awareness – and to make the most of time – and to identify for myself what gifts I’m able to develop and create from within this particular point that I’m facing

When and as I see myself wanting to force the process of physical creation, because I perceive that I don’t have the time to walk it effectively, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that when I try to force physical creation, the results are not effective, and instead of fulfilling the potential of a moment, I’m barely evening involving myself, because in my mind, I’m already at the next point that I perceive I should be doing – and thus I commit myself to ground myself here – and to practice walking with full awareness with the point that is here before me and what I’m doing – and not be distracted by how much or little time I perceive that I have – rather align my priorities so that I have sufficient with time to walk the responsibilities and obligations that enter into my sphere of influence

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