Day 229: Working with reactions towards a person

post-to-your-facebook-pageI have one person in my life that regularly functions as a trigger point for me with regards to evoking reactions. Here in this blog I’m going to investigate this pattern more closely.

I will do this through firstly investigating what is triggering the pattern. Then I will look at what thought, backchat, emotion and physical lived action emerge when this pattern is triggered. Lastly I will do self-forgiveness and place a self-commitment statement to direct the pattern.

Trigger points

When this person says something that sounds absolute, authoritative, no-more-discussion

When this person use words that I perceive to be advanced, unusual, complicated

When others become impressed with what this person is saying and wish to talk more with him

When this person says something, explains something, that I perceive to be very deep, and advanced

Thought, Backchat, Emotion, Physical lived action

The thought that is triggered by this person is: A picture of me standing alone in a big room, being observed by a lot of people.

The backchat that is triggered is: “He think he’s better than me”, “He’s faking it”, “How come he knows more than me?”, “Why don’t I know this?”, “Why doesn’t anyone listens to me like they do to him?”

The emotion being triggered is: Inferiority, Jealousy, and Competition

Physical lived action: I will shift slightly forward in my body. My neck will angle itself forward, and my shoulders will slouch, and my upper back will slouch. I will sink down into the chair – like the air has gone out of me. I will breath faster, and my calf’s tense up.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as being defined by another as worthless, and inferior, when X is expressing himself, thinking that he’s so much better than me, so much more effective, and that the words he use signify a much more effective intelligence than that of my own – and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this is all occurring in my mind – and that there is not actual inferiority between me and another on a physical plane – this is something I create through comparison

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself with X and perceive myself as being inferior and less capable than X – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see, and define myself as being incapable of expressing myself as clearly, and effectively as X, and use a wide variety of words and idioms – and perceive that X has a higher IQ than me – and that as such I am useless and worthless

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a competition character when and as I hear X speakingthinking that he tries to show off, he tries to steal the show, and prove that he’s better than what I’m – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to in that moment counterattack and get back at him, thinking that I have to defend my position and as well prove that I’m intelligent, and apt, able to say things that sounds smart, and cogent

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to be like X – to be in the limelight and be seen by others as intelligent, as wise, as clear and unequivocal in my expression – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to gain fame and fortune, believing that this is going to add to my self-value and self-worth – not seeing, realizing and understanding how the opposite is in-fact true – and that through looking at X and trying to steal the show from X – I’m suppressing myself and my natural expression

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my natural beingness expression through wanting to become like, and express myself the same as X – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not accept myself, and the way I share, and express myself, and see, realize and understand that each and everyone have a different way of approaching self-expression

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compete with X – instead of accepting and allowing myself to learn from X – to utilize the process of healthy comparison – wherein I unconditionally accept and allow myself to see the strengths of X on a beingness level that allows him to express myself effectively and clearly – and so that I can take on these points and make them my own – and express myself as these words that I see X is living effectively

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that instead of competing with X and comparing myself with X – I can instead learn from X – and expand myself, my skill base, and application, through learning from X – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the words X is conveying as himself is self-trust, self-confidence and assertiveness – he’s accepting and allowing himself to trust his expression, his words, his stance, and what he’s seeing – which then flows out into his word that take on the resonance of being absolute and authoritative

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to live assertiveness and self-confidence, because I will still accept and allow myself to want to be agreeable, nice, and friendly, and have many friendships, instead of me having the courage to walk and stand with my self-honesty in every moment – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that instead of constantly reacting towards X – I can instead use each moment with him to observe his expression, and what he’s doing, how he uses words, how he uses his body language, and his voice, to convey himself as this point of self-confidence and assertiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I decide upon the purpose as to why X is in my world at this moment – that I can either see X presence in my life as a nuisance, as a source of discontent because I’m reacting towards him – or I can see X as a teacher, and as someone that I can learn from – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself the gift of seeing the potential in my reactions and emotional experiences – to see, realize and understand that each and every point of problem, and difficulty holds within it a gift – something that I can take with me and learn from

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I’m reacting towards X, when he’s speaking, or expressing himself, and I go into a resistance, and a competition, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that X is in-fact representing to me words I’ve not yet lived and made my own – and thus instead of competing and resisting X – it’s much more effective for me to accept and allow myself to be humble, and learn from X – to realize that X do have certain things down that I still haven’t – and that because of this there are things that I can learn from X to expand myself; thus I commit myself to be humble and learn from X – to see what words, expressions, and stance of presence that I can take with me and apply in my own life

I commit myself to embrace X – and instead of believing that I’m involved in some form of mortal combat with X, where I must compete with him, and prove to myself and others that I can do what X is doing, to instead look at X unconditionally, see X unconditionally, and learn from X unconditionally – to realize that I have nothing to lose, and that this idea of losing is but that – an idea and not a actual reality

I commit myself to humble myself and realize that X is more effective than me with regards to living words such as self-confidence and assertiveness – though this isn’t a problem – this isn’t wrong – rather I can utilize the example of X to stabilize myself within my life and live these words – to practice implementing this expression in my own life instead of resisting and fighting it

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