Day 230: Too Much Luggage

lotsofluggageAt my job as a taxi-driver I sometimes have to help people with lifting heavy baggage. This is most of the times relatively easy, as the great majority customers have only but a little luggage. Though some make out to be the anomaly, and accordingly they have more trunks, bags and suitcases that require to be stuffed into the luggage compartment of the car. Even though, the physical exertion required on my part to get their possessions into the car isn’t monstrous. It takes a little more effort.

The interesting thing, and this is the point I’m going to open up in this blog, is my mental experience towards the customers that require more service. Because, the moment I see a customer awaiting me with more luggage than usual, I will access an undercurrent of anger – and the access will be immediate. The anger I experience physically, I primarily feel it in my calves, as they tense up. My back muscles will also become tense, and I tend to slouch, and my facial expression becomes droopy and less animated.

So-far, my solution to this have been to smile, and then help the customer more eagerly than I would have done with a customer coming with a normal size luggage. Though, this doesn’t change the physical experience I have, which only goes away after a couple of minutes – and at times I can notice myself being in this tense state of irritation through the entire trip.

The problem I see here, as the origin point of this reaction, is that I feel that the customer is unjustly using me. I perceive that he or she is expecting me to perform a service out of the ordinary, and is just demanding me to do so without a second of hesitation. This is what triggers the irritation, that here this person comes into my life, expecting me to do a lot of work, expecting me to give a service, smile and drive them somewhere – which I perceive to be unfair, unjust and undue. If this experience within me would come out in an action, it would be that of saying to the customer: “You can load your baggage in the trunk yourself!”

This experience, and undercurrent is obviously limiting me. Because it is clear that in the reality of today, we have to do shit we do not necessarily like, or feel joyous about, because that is how we make a living and survive. Another point is that in resisting to assist and support another with their luggage, I am not accepting and allowing myself to look at what it is that I can learn from this part of my life. Here I am faced with a moment where I am due to the nature of my job, forced to give service to another human being – and notwithstanding that my job requires me to do this, what I could practice in these instances is generosity and giving unconditionally.

It is a cool skill to be able to give service to another without expecting anything in return, to go that extra mile without any hope for remuneration – the act of giving unconditionally – giving as I would like to receive. This is how I can transform these moments from resistance to expression. Where I instead of feeling forced, and reluctantly stepping out of me car to assist the customer, accepting and allowing myself to make the act of helping the customer an expression of myself – an expression of me unconditionally assisting and supporting another with their luggage – giving them the gift of transportation from position A to position B – and within that – not wanting/desiring to have anything in return.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to assist and support another without getting something back in return

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a undercurrent of anger when and as I notice that a customer has a lot of luggage that they require me to take care of, and within this feel as if the person in question is unjustly asking me to assist and support – and that I am not given enough in return to be able to give such a point to another

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist giving unconditionally

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist assisting and supporting another without getting something back – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep counts in my relationships – where I count how many things another have done for me, versus how many things that I’ve done for them – and through that calculation then within me determining whether it’s unjust that I give more or whether it’s okay

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist assisting and supporting another without receiving money in return – and go into a undercurrent of anger when another demand from me to assist them in a particular way that I perceive to be too much labor – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when another asks me to assist and support them – and instead of looking at whether this is something that I would have liked to be done for me – look at whether it is just and fair

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on concepts such as justice and fairness when I assess whether I am to assist and support another or not – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I am in-fact limiting myself through looking at this point in energy and experience – believing that I require an equal amount of energy in return to give of myself as energy – instead of accepting and allowing myself to stand within my human physical body and give here as an expression of and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when I stand as expression – there is not such thing as me having to receive energy in order to give – because I am expression naturally as myself – it comes through not because I believe I have to – but because it is me – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live the expression of generosity and giving – accepting and allowing myself to give service and assistance to another and understanding that this doesn’t diminish or compromise me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the situation of carrying luggage for another from within and as the starting point of me unconditionally assisting and support another and living that expression of generosity and helpfulness – giving as I’d like to receive – and thus see these instances as opportunities for me to practice and bring through this expression of and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when another demands of me to carry luggage and it is more luggage than average – that I am being robbed of my dignity and worth – and that this other person is being authoritarian and diminishing me through their behavior – and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I am in-fact limiting myself through believing that the stance and expression of another can change me – not realizing that I change myself on the basis of acceptance and allowance

Self-commitment statements

When and as I face a situation where I am asked to help, and I go into resistance, aversion, and irritation, because I perceive that it’s unfair and unjust that I should help them, and that they should do it themselves – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I am in this moment limiting myself in energy, allowing myself to see the physical from an experience-perspective instead of looking at whether I can assist and support another, whether that is common sense in the moment and would benefit the other person, and whether it is something that is relevant for me to do in this moment, and that does not compromise me and who I am – thus making a physical assessment and making my decision on that basis – and as such I commit myself to assess the physical situation and then make the decision on the basis of what is best for all – giving as I would like to receive

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