Day 287: When a NO is more of a YES

Walking the Desteni process you get to learn how to stop your mind; for example, how to stop anger, irritation, fear, etc. In my own process I have enabled myself to stop various forms of thoughts, experiences, and other type of mind related points. Mostly, I have done this through stating ‘STOP!’ Or ‘NO!’ within me as the mind point arise. However, there are certain points that I have had difficulty with and that still at times pester me. These points have in common that my ‘NO!’ does not seem to have any effect. I will say ‘NO!’ inside of me several times, yet nothing happens, nothing moves, it is as if I have rather said ‘Okay!’ inside of myself.

When this happens it indicates that the ‘NO!’ is not clear and absolute. It indicates that there still is some form of hidden self-interest lurking in the background. In having this hidden self-interest I will then corrupt my NO statement, and sneak in some silent YES statements. The YES statement does not necessarily have to be expressed in the mind – it can come up as this underlying and deep movement of resistance. It will feel like I am not completely present in my body – an experience of resignation.

Thus, when this happens, I have found that it is important to locate the hidden point of self-interest. The self-interest will vary depending on the mind point. For me I have seen that my difficulty in stopping certain anger reactions has been because I held unto the self-interest of wanting division of labor and responsibilities to be fair and just. And I have seen that my problems with changing fear and social anxiety has been related to the self-interest of wanting to protect myself, and feel in-control in social contexts. And fears with regards to job, career and money has several times been connected to the self-interest of wanting to be in control, and secure more money for myself to feel safe.

The key to being able to stop the mind is to get to the point of standing as a clear and absolute NO – and to embrace a clear and absolute NO there cannot be any self-interest still existing within self. Jesus said that a house divided against itself cannot stand – and the same principle applies within us. If we state NO yet we do not back that statement fully – we will not stand. The reason for a division within self is because there are parts of self not yet investigated and directed – hence the importance of self-introspection and writing. In getting to know all of our own secrets, we empower ourselves to make a clear and absolute decision as to who we are – and that makes all the difference.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when and as I have a difficulty in stopping myself and saying – NO – and living that NO – then there is a hidden self-interest that I have not yet opened up and directed – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not utilize writing and self-forgiveness to open up and direct all points of self-interest

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto self-interest when it comes to unfairness, when I feel that I am doing more work than others, and thus through holding unto this self-interest, disable myself from effectively stating NO and stopping anger and frustration coming up when I feel that I am doing more than others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto a self-interest of me doing less than or equal to others when it comes to physical labor and caring for other responsibilities – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to do more than others – and to not want to commit myself and my time to helping and assisting others – feeling/experiencing that it is ‘my time’ and that I as such have primary importance – in that I should be allowed to do what I want with my time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize anger as a way of complaining about me feeling that the division of labor is not fair and equitable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want the division of labor and responsibilities to be equitable – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to put in more effort – but only give as much as is needed – the smallest amount possible

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only want to push, create and move points, so that they work, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to make them the best that they can be – and give that extra effort to move the point into a state of perfection

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist pushing for perfection, because I feel that it is not worth the effort, and thus be content with mediocrity – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be content ‘when things work’ – instead of pushing myself to make things work excellently – and only then – when things are in optimum condition – having reached their fullest potential – accept and allow myself to be content with myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to closely watch others and the amount of physical work and activity they put down into their responsibilities – so that they will not trick me so that I get to do the brunt of the work – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within this state of policing – where I attempt to make sure that all responsibilities are divided equitably and fairly – and that no one gets to do more than another

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand as an example of pushing myself to do that little extra that makes a point of creation excellent – perfect – and something to be proud over

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not unconditionally push myself to contribute to my life and others in my life – through giving my responsibilities and commitments my utmost attention – and pushing them to perfection – hence not accepting and allowing myself a point to be only ‘good’ or ‘working’ – but instead pushing for the point to be perfect

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist working and taking care of responsibilities – because I feel that others have done less than me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify giving into laziness and apathy through thinking that I have already done enough – and that now it is time for others to step up and do their part

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify doing the least amount of work through thinking that others are doing the same and that I am no worse than what they are

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to release this self-interest within me of wanting to do as little work as is possible – and instead embrace the point of pushing myself in work and physical labor – to through that create value for myself as well as others

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I am going into wanting to avoid work because I feel that I have already done enough, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that this pattern of wanting to do the least amount possible is not best for me, neither best for others, and is creating the dynamic of competition – where each one only want to do the least amount possible – and trying to divide the work equitably – yet always there will be the feeling that someone gets to do more than another – thus I commit myself to embrace work, and responsibilities – to push myself to take them to perfection and not fear/resist taking on more than others – understanding that I create value for myself and others through my movement – and that I stand as an example for others in my decision to move

When and as I see myself policing others, because I want to make sure that they do the exact same amount of work as I do, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that this state of policing brings me into a mindset of looking at what others are doing, instead of looking at what I am doing, and how I can contribute, and how I can support myself and others – thus entering into a state of competition – instead of remaining within a state of creation – thus I commit myself to place my focus on me and what I create – what I contribute with – what I give and how I am able to support and bring through that which is supportive and best for all

When and as I see myself feeling that it is unfair, or unjust, that others seem to be doing less than me, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this feeling, that it is unjust, that it is unfair, that it is not right, that this experience is not supportive for me in my self-creation process and in me building and creating my life – instead my focus becomes trying to make sure that everyone is doing the exact same – instead of looking at what I can do that will support/bring through what is best for all – thus I commit myself to push myself to give more – to work more – to act more – to not look at what others are or are not doing – rather focus on what I can give and do for myself as well as others in my life

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