Acceptance, generally speaking parents tend to teach children that this is something to be found externally. And sure, in some aspect they are correct, in the sense that our environment can either accept or reject us. The question however, is whether this form of acceptance that we try to win from people is real. What do I mean by real? With real, I mean that this acceptance is substantial, trustworthy, consistent, that it is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. Obviously, it is clear that the acceptance we gain from people in our external environment is very much conditional, unpredictable and shallow. Not something that we should base our life upon at all.
Acceptance in society is based upon keeping in line with and following certain norms and rules, written and unwritten, and when we do that, we will usually be accepted. However, acceptance is unpredictable, because norms change, an action, even though performed with the intention of being in line with the norms, can be perceived by others differently. Hence, defining self-acceptance in relation to others is a bad idea. If we accept and allow our acceptance of ourselves to be defined by something that is separate from ourselves, we will always be a slave to that point. The solution is unconditional self-acceptance.
Now, an interesting point to look deeper into is WHY we do not accept ourselves, but rather pursue an acceptance out there. What I have found for myself is that this issue is caused by a lack of self-value. I have as such not seen myself as being valuable and worthy enough to accept myself, and that hence, to get a sufficient amount of acceptance, I must be accepted out there as well. This is interesting, because this experience indicates that I perceive others to be more valuable, that obviously begs the question WHY? How come I do not see myself as having an equal value to others? How come I believe that the best possible road ahead would be to follow and do what everyone else is doing? Where does this pattern come from?
If we go back and look at our childhood, a common theme is that we as children are not seen as good enough to make our own decisions. Parents constantly meddles with our lives and independence, and very few children are ever allowed to explore this world by their own volition. This creates a conflict within us as young, because in-fact, as children, even though we might look and think differently, we are still very much clear and aware of ourselves and our life. We know what we want, what is good for us, what is bad for us, and who we are. However, that awareness is mostly disregarded and shunned by the adult world, simply because we are children. For me, I can see that this experience, and conflict, of continuously being told to shut up and listen to those that ‘know’ has stuck with me into adult life, and now, it is a more general experience of not valuing myself, and hence, not seeing myself as having the authority to accept myself.
What is the solution to this problem?
Accepting myself is a decision that I can make, and I clearly see that I have the value and authority to make that decision. And in-fact, that authority comes by virtue of being alive, aware, and able to create. I can make a decision as to what words that I am going to live, and there is no valid reason as to why I should not accept myself.
How can acceptance then be lived practically?
An inspiration for me when it comes to living acceptance practically is animals. They are unconditional, and regardless of what they are going, they never look to anyone else for acceptance. Animals do not have peers that they become influenced by, they stand alone, within their own expression, and stick with that, seeing the world without distractions, seeing it purely from within themselves.
Thus, for myself, I see that I can apply acceptance through not comparing myself with others, and stopping that process of thinking, where I look at myself, and something I have done, through how I believe that I look in the eyes of others. Instead of comparing myself, and placing my focus on others, I will push myself to bring my attention back HERE – and ask myself – WHO AM I within all of this? HOW DO I want to experience myself within all of this?
And another point that is also important and that I must remind myself of – is that acceptance is a decision. Self-acceptance is not something that will simply come one day, it is a decision made here, a word that is lived and applied HERE, a process of creation walked in the moment – and thus it is completely up to me whether I enable myself to live self-acceptance or not.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not valuable enough to decide that I will accept myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I do not know how to accept myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot accept myself because acceptance must come from the outside
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that self-acceptance does not exist
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be nice to others and be compliant to be accepted
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to comply, yield and give in, and change myself, so that I will be accepted by others
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to comply, yield, and give in, and change myself, so that I will be accepted and liked by others
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lie to myself, and immediately try to please others without looking within, as to whether it is something I want to do, or that I am able to do, because I fear not being accepted by others
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making mistakes, and judge myself for making mistakes, because I believe others judge me, and others do not accept me anymore
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear disappointing or vexing another by not agreeing with them, or by showing them that I have done what they expected of me to do, and thus lie in order to make sure that I am still accepted by them
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define acceptance as more than me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that acceptance is something that must be given to me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that self-acceptance is something that will come by me being liked by others and accepted in my environment
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that self-acceptance is something that I must gain by being nice and having many friends and a stable life
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that self-acceptance is something that I get through my job
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that self-acceptance is something that I get through having money
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a mental and emotional melt-down the moment when I believe/think that people are against me – that they are seeing me as a burden and as someone that compromise their physical living
When and as I see myself searching for self-acceptance in my external reality, I take a breath, I stop myself and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand, that self-acceptance is something that I must create here by myself – and that I cannot ever get this through acquiring the liking of others – thus I commit myself to trust myself – to actively develop self-acceptance through stopping judgment and practicing understanding myself and finding solutions to problems
I commit myself to find solutions that problems and issues that I face – to not judge myself – but instead look at what I can do to change the problem and to find a way forward where I learn and expand and take something with me
Learn more about this way of living:
- 7 Year Journey To Life Process: People Sharing their Processes of Self-Forgiveness and Self-Correction
- Desteni Articles
- Desteni I Process
- Agreement/Redefining Relationship Course
- Desteni Forum : Discuss and share with us
- Desteni Wiki
- Desteni Español
- School of ultimate Living: Online community where people who are interested in discovering and developing their utmost potential
- Creation’s Journey to Life
- Heaven’s Journey To Life