Day 360: Certainty Must Come From Within

Purpose and clarity as to what I am going to do, who I am going to be, what direction that I will take on and live, what future I will create, that is a desire that has arisen within me frequently over the last years. In-fact, it has been a recurring point since my teenage years – the urge and desire to have a clearly defined path for myself.

I am not sure exactly when it began, however I have since long had a tendency to want one point that I can aim to accomplish – one interest – one hobby – one part of my life – that I want to bring to its full potential and master so completely that I know it by heart. I used to be comfortable doing things for no particular reason but that I enjoyed doing it, though slowly that  changed. For example, when I started playing computer games, it was because I enjoyed it a lot. In-fact I found it amazingly fun, and I would play game after game. Then, something changed. I began to deliberately focus on becoming ‘good’ at a particular games, and ‘better than’ others. Competition became part of my gaming experience, and now it was not anymore a question of me enjoying myself, it was now about taking it to the next level, so that I could win. I did this with many games – I continued to play them even though I did not necessarily like them, because I was good at them, and I wanted to win.

The same happened with other interests, usually they began as unconditional and innocent projects that I would take on and enjoy with all of my heart – then – they would change and become a way to achieve victory.

As I have progressed through life, this tendency of becoming obsessed with one project, one movement, one drive, has morphed and changed and spilled over into purpose, and have thus become a way of achieving certainty. This metamorphosis has definitely been fueled by the world system, where there are continuously stories promoted about people that seemingly only have one point of purpose in their life, that they follow religiously, and are through that able to achieve success. Making sure that we have a fixed route, we know where we are going, we know what we will do, for me, that has become a way of creating stability and certainty, believing that I need to know my place in my external reality to be stable, and to know myself.

Obviously, this idea of life and purpose is limited. It is limited because in placing our focus and attention on the external reality, we miss that it is not our external reality that determines who we are, it is us that determines our external reality – it is us that decide who we are – and this WHO WE ARE is in turn reflected by our external reality. That principle is the key to any form of creation – it is the key to understanding why our creations sometimes falter, why they other times work out perfectly, and why our life looks the way it looks.

Thus – I see, realize and understand, that my focus, instead of being placed at developing my external reality, first and foremost must be placed at developing/creating/refining my inner reality – and from that will naturally flow a direction as I stand stable within myself and move in breath. Life cannot be predicted beforehand, it must be lived and directed in the moment. Life can only become a certainty, when we stand with certainty within ourselves – and hence there is no point to look for a purpose or clarity out there – unless we have established that for ourselves. It all begins with self, every time.


Learn more about this way of living:

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