Day 382: Achievement and Significance

The way I have decided upon a purpose and direction for myself in life has generally speaking been decided/moved by a feeling of pressure/stress/lack. Today I looked at one of the decisions I have made recently in my life, and I could see that this stress/pressure was part of my starting point – because of this I questioned the decision and decided to look deeper in the motivating factors.

What I could see was the following: My primary motivation was a emotion that ‘I am not doing enough’ – in short a emotion of inferiority, insignificance and insecurity – thus the decision was a way to balance out this inner experience and strive towards a positive polarity. Thus – what I have concluded is that in order to be able to make a decision – I have to first and foremost make sure that I am not driven and motivated by a irrational attempt to make an emotional (negative experience) into a positive experience – because through doing this – I will always be stuck in a loop – walking back and forth between a positive and a negative.

As I reflected on this point today I was able to see that this way of making decisions has in my past resulted in my creating unnecessary conflict and consequences in my life. I have forced myself to pursue and live in ways that have not been in alignment to how my life was in those moments. And I have given up on or compromised responsibilities and projects I had already decided to take on and be a part of because this other thing/decision I decided to walk.

Thus – what I can see is that the solution is to STOP trying to achieve a sense of significance through an experience/energy/feeling – significance – and what is of significance – must be a living and stable word in my life – something that I take with me and live/create every day – not by attempting to invoke feelings – but rather by living it practically and taking action in my daily life with what is already here and with the points/commitments I am already walking.

Further – the negative experience of insignificance and inferiority – these are mostly created by self-judgment and comparison – where I will judge where I am at and then try to become and make something more out of myself to ‘feel better’ – instead of – STOPPING the judgment and comparison – and focusing on making my life significant HERE through actually living it WHOLLY, FULLY and COMPLETELY – not a house divided – but ONE me HERE living and interacting fully.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not doing enough, to judge my life as not significant enough, to judge who I am, where I am, and what I am, and think that I have to become more – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at and define myself from within and as a starting point of comparison – instead of looking at myself and my life from within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move my life from a starting point of comparison – instead of developing self-assurance and self-confidence – and knowing what I want to create and do with myself and my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that when my focus is out there, when my focus is trying to achieve a feeling of significance through being meaningful and special in eyes of others, that is when I loose touch with what is real, with real significance, real responsibility, real meaning, and instead, my life becomes focused on experiences

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to feel special and significant, instead of standing as/living those words practically – and here I see that special – and significance – it is practical words – practical words that can be applied and lived practically in my life through for example – making sure and pushing myself to live and apply words in my life in such a way that I each day find a word – and strive/push/will myself to live and implement it in my daily reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to my emotional experience of feeling ‘not good enough’ and try to ‘fix it’ through creating a polarity opposite of ‘being good enough’ – not seeing, realizing and understanding that what I should be looking at is my relationship with and as myself – because I see that this is the relationship that I am projecting unto my world – and that it is not actually becoming significant and special out there – it is about me pushing myself to walk my personal process – pushing myself to change and live in expansive and new ways that are outside of my current zone of comfort

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to ‘be someone’ in order to feel better about myself, feel more important, special, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my value, my significance, my role in this life, according to how much I feel that I am worth to others, according to how much I feel that I impress others, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and bring myself back here to and as my human physical body – and live naturally, organically, see, realize and understand that significance is not something that is achieved through convincing others that I am good – significance is something that I live in each moment of breath by actually making the decision to change and move myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hunt for achievements and significance out there instead of looking within and looking at my relationship with myself to see how I am able to live these words within me – to hence understand– that I am projecting these words ‘out there’ because I have not effectively lived and stood as them within me – thus it is still something that I desire and want to happen to me – not something that I have created and lived for and as myself

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself looking for achievement and significance ‘out there’ – I immediately stop myself – I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I will never find what I am looking for out there in the world, I will never be able to satisfy and please my urges of achieving some form of notoriety, because it is not based on a real, practical, physical life experience – it is me wanting and desiring to fill a hole in my own relationship with myself with some form of experience – thus I commit myself to practically create significance and achievement in my life through living these words practically – significance – by pushing myself to change my personalities and patterns – the who I am – markedly – moving myself to a point of definitive change – where I push myself to life my full potential and be the best that I can be – and achievement – by pushing myself beyond my comfort zones – especially when it comes to changing my relationship with myself and what I will accept and allow – to thus push what I believe myself to be capable of – and walk it through to a conclusion – thus achieving

Learn more about this way of living




Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s