Day 400: Dialect

When I was younger I had quite a few experiences with people making fun of the way I pronounced words. The reason that people found my dialect funny or strange was due to the fact that I initially lived in one part of the country, where one particular dialect was used, and then I moved to another part of the country, where another form of dialect was used. Because my dialect differed in comparison to the ‘normal’ way of speaking in that particular part of the country, I was subject to much ridicule and mockery.

I took much of this personally and started to feel ashamed of the way I spoke and to this day I still become conscious and react through feeling hurt when someone remarks on the way I speak. Obviously, the way I feel and react is not something that I can blame on another – it is my responsibility to direct my inner world and it is not something that I can place upon anyone else. Thus – a solution that I see that can be applied in the moment as I have this reaction is to remind myself that – it is not about anyone else – I react because I have created that reaction – and hence taking it personally does not make any sense what-so-ever. Rather – I take a deep breath and look within myself to understand how come I have placed so much value unto ‘fitting in’ in the sense of speaking the same way as everyone else.

Another point that I see with regards to the reactions I experience in relation to dialect, is that there is a certain element of wanting to be accepted – wanting to fit in and be the same as everyone else – and there is as well an element of feeling secure/safe/comfortable when I know that I am the same and do not stick out. However – this is a limitation – because can I ever really express ME if I am trying to be like someone else? Can I ever really express ME when I am worried that I will not be like everyone else?

The answer is clearly NO – in order for me to express me and be free – I will have to let go of the comforting experience that I have associated with being the same as everyone else. If I want to live for real – I will have to stand as myself – and not accept and allow myself to continuously attempt and try to find some sense of belonging in a group of people.

Hence – self-forgiveness and self-commitment statements on this point:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being strange, to fear sticking out, to fear being noticed, to fear being seen and defined as different, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself back, and suppress myself, to make sure that I remain within the confines of my own self-created limitation – so that I do not head out into the unknown and become too strange, too off, and hence become judged/bullied by others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in feeling hurt when someone remarks on my dialect, the way I speak and pronounce words, by for example, imitating the way I speak, and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that this feeling of hurt is not real – because why would I be hurt because someone else reacts to the way I speak? What does how I speak and pronounce words have to do with them? It is my decision the way I express and share myself – and this has got nothing to do with anyone else – and hence I see, realize and understand that any fear or reaction that comes up within me – it is my own point and not something that I justify by thinking that it is someone else’s false

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in feeling hurt when someone remarks on my way of pronouncing words, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become dependent on others to feel comfortable and at ease, to become dependent on being like, the same, or similar to others for me to feel comfortable with myself – and within this loose sight of myself – and the understanding within myself that I really do not need another by my side for me to stand stable and live myself and my life effectively – and hence – I do not need and require a confirmation from another that the way I am speaking is ‘correct’, ‘good’, ‘as it should be’ – because I can stand that point for myself – and hence I commit myself to ask myself, and feel within myself, whether I am satisfied and content with the way I am speaking or not

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become dependent on others to be in a particular way towards me, where they tell me that I am good enough, where they say that my way of doing things, living, expressing and moving about is acceptable, is alright, and as it should be, believing that I cannot stand that point of for and as myself – and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need someone else to stand that point for me of me being comfortable with myself – instead of me making the decision that I will stand – that I will live – that I will walk and express ME regardless of how others feel about it – that when I see common sense – I will stand by it – even though others might not do it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be sensitive of others judgments/ideas/experiences/critique/remarks about me or what I am doing – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that I have developed this fearful and anxious relationship when it comes to doing my thing, expressing myself when that expression is not the same, or accepted by society, that I give up, I give in, and I remain in a state of fear and anxiety, instead of going for it, and not accepting and allowing myself to become defined by the judgments of others – that are in-fact so superficial and does not mean anything in the long run anyway

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not dare standing with and as myself when people do not agree with me, do not like what I am doing, become irritated with me, or talk shit behind my back, to push myself to stabilize and stand in such moments with what I see is common sense and to not accept and allow myself to be affected and use self-forgiveness and self-commitment statements to stabilize myself and to remain on course – on my purpose – on what I have decided to do and walk in this lifetime – and not accept and allow myself to limit myself and hold myself back in fear

When and as I see myself going into fear of rejection and judgment, or see myself react in feeling hurt because others remark on the way I speak and pronounce words, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I have limited myself – contained myself in a small state of inferiority – because I fear standing up as an equal – because I know that would mean conflict and disagreements and that everyone would not be my ‘friends’ – and hence I see, realize and understand that in order for me to fully in my life and express me wholly – I have to push through this fear and learn/practice/live standing by myself even though I am afraid of doing so – and push through my fears; and thus I commit myself to push through my fears of being different and practice expressing myself as common sense and what is best for all even though nobody else understands it or agrees with it


Learn more about this way of living

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s