Day 407: Avoidance

In this blog I will open up avoidance – especially in relationships because that is where it has happened recently for me.

Avoidance – a void dance – is an interesting word, with a sound structure that quite clearly indicates what it is all about. In our inner worlds, things can be suppressed, however, that is not possible in our external realities, and as such, if there are things we want to keep away (keep void) we will have to avoid them. And to avoid them, usually we have to do a little dance. Not a dance in the literary sense, rather a figurative, manipulative dance, where we come up with a reason that justifies us not meeting, establishing contact/interacting with the point.

For me, avoidance has opened up in my relationship, and that especially since my partner and I had our first child. And the point I have avoided have been moments of intimacy/sharing/closeness. Before, we used to have ample opportunity, and oceans of time to commit to such activities. Now, when we have a child, those moments where we are able to come together, without our daughter stealing our attention away from each other, can only happen in but a few moments throughout the day. Hence, when those moments do come through, we have to act. And unfortunately, that is when I have made the decision to instead avoid.

And see – as a parent – that also works long hours during the weekdays – there is always a solid reason that can be used to justify avoidance – ‘I am tired’. However – what I have come to see, realize and understand is that even though this tiredness might be real – it does not validate me not pushing through and willing myself to interact and have a moment of intimacy with my partner. Because me not pushing through – but rather using the tiredness as a reason to not meet up – that is avoidance.

Thus – what I want to practice in my life is to stop avoidance and replace it with ‘meet/approach’ – or rather – INITIATIVE – where I instead of waiting – avoiding – and trying to move away from what is here to be faced and directed – take on the point and move myself forward.

Practically speaking, I see that I am able to live this word by initiating moments with my partner, when I do see that there is time/opportunity to do so, where we do things together similar to how we did it when we did not child together. And while this might be challenging and tiring – I will have to push through and initiate – even though I do not feel like it. Here, I also see that I have to take the fact into account, that things will not be like when we did not have a child, it is not possible to return to the past. However, I can still push to create moments of connection/meeting under the new circumstances that we find ourselves within – it will be different – though the purpose and starting point will be the same – to meet/interact and come together.

Learn more about this way of living


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