Day 419: Natural Movement

Living close to my mother now for about two years has been challenging, however also, very, very revealing, in the sense that I have learned SO much about myself from observing my mother, and then bringing it back to me. It is fascinating, because what I have found is that we are so similar in many ways. And this has been shared by Desteni for a long time already; we are copies of our parents – and hence our experiences, reactions, observations and relationships towards and with our parents – they can become a great source for self-reflection.

One point that I have observed in my mother is the following: She is driven, ambitious and motivated – and many times this drive will cause her to take on more than she is able to handle. The consequences is that my mother feels forced to run through many things in her life, just push through, get to the other end, be done with it and move on – which in turn leads to less effective results and that she does not get to be fully part of that particular process/aspect of her life. And – big shock – I do exactly the same.

For my summer vacation I had quite a number of projects planned. Though, as anyone with experience in building and construction can vouch for, it always takes way longer than what you initially planned! Same was true for me. And little by little, my projects, instead of being a enjoyable hobby, became a weight, a fight against time and space – where these existential phenomenons always seemed to scheme against me. I started to become stressed and anxious, and noticed that I was hurrying and rushing to get things done. After some time, I felt as if I did not have time to go out on walks with my partner, go bathing, and hang around with summer visitors, because, I had to get my projects completed!

So, this is where I stepped in and started question my approach. Firstly, I could see that I had taken on too much, and that my hobbies had become a burden – I had been too ambitious – similar to my mother. Secondly, I could see that I was creating these arbitrary deadlines, and ideas of what had to be done and when, in such a way, that I was actually making it difficult for me to use my vacation to replenish and refresh myself to stand and walk in the system for another year in my profession – and that I was not anymore allowing myself to pursue and do the small points of enjoyment that I otherwise love to pursue and be part of – such as taking a walk and going for a swim.

Thus – what I have been able to take from this sequence of events is the following: To calm down with my projects, to not bee overly ambitious, but to have a balance in my life, to practice not taking on too much, but considering to overall context of my life as it currently is when I make decisions as to what I am going to do. Then, I have learned that, it is not quantity that matters, it is quality. When I give myself the time and space to commit to a point, and fully walk it, using the time required, then hell, I usually enjoy it a lot, and the results become really good. It is a completely different thing compared to taking care a of chore from the starting point of thinking that I do not have enough time, and that I need to rush through it as fast as possible.

Because of this I have deliberately practiced slowing down, allowing points to take time. For example today, I had planned to go out and remove a saw blade from my mitre saw. I envisioned that it would take about half an hour. However, it took about two hours, because the blade would simply not come loose. I became stressed, though, I slowed myself down, and gave it the time it required, and later, the bolt eventually loosened and I was able to pick the blade off the saw.

Hence, this is what I will continue to practice – FLOW and NATURAL MOVEMENT – to not try to force movement – to rather focus on doing a few things fully than a lot of things with only some of me taking part and the rest of me already in the new project.


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