Day 422: Directing Me Regardless of Environment

Today I was with my partner and my daughter at a big furniture ware house. We decided to eat at the restaurant in the store, which was very crowded, and filled with young children and their parents. The noise level was many times above average, and the general atmosphere was chaotic, with people and children moving about in all directions, with their trollies filled with furniture and various paraphernalia.

I noticed within myself that I became frustrated and irritated with my environment. Compared to my home, on the country side, which is most of the time serene and calm, the store felt like a war zone. I felt as if I was being sapped of my energy, and backchat emerged, where I blamed the people around me for going to this furniture store, for not being more quiet, and for being so intent upon buying more furniture.

Thus, my problem in this moment, was that I reacted towards the environment, resented it, judged it, and wanted it to change, and be different – my approach was that of having an expactation on the environment and how I wanted it to be – and when it did not fit the bill – I manifested inner conflict. Because, if I would have embraced my environment, flowed with, and allowed myself to be like water, in the sense of not fighting what is here, but rather understanding it, learning about it, and working with it, my experience would have been completely different.

What I did was that I fought and resisted my environment, a correction would be to ENGAGE with my environment, to throw myself into it and PARTICIPATE – through TAKING PART in what is going on instead of wanting my life and reality to be in a particular way before I throw myself into it. In this I would allow myself to see the people in this chaos, to see the children, to observe and get to know what was happening around me, instead of being stuck in a state of judgment.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge, resent and fight my environment, instead of embracing it, understanding it, taking part in it, ENGAGING with it, and PARTICIPATING in it – not accepting and allowing myself to half-ass myself through life where I only indirectly interact with what is here through judging and creating ideas about life – however not really LIVING life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace what is around me, and to participate, and push through my initial experiences and reactions, and get to know what is here for real – and thus PUSHING through my routine way of interacting with life – and the way I have related to my reality in the past – to push through and will myself to create a NEW way of relating to and interacting with reality and life – and thus expand myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push through the experience of irritation and frustration, to push through the experience within me that everything is chaotic and beyond my control, to push through and establish myself HERE in reality, and thus relate, express, DIRECTLY, with what is here, instead of merely indirectly through an energy, an emotion of irritation and frustration – and hence I see, realize and understand that there is really LIFE in all parts of this world and existence – and that it is not merely on the countryside – however – to see it – I have to unconditionally push myself through it – will myself to get through and to see it for what it is

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is my environment that is to blame for my self-experience – that it is my environment and the life around me that should change and that unless it changes – I cannot change – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself – will myself – to create my life for myself regardless of my environment – to push myself to make the best out of my days – my moments – and not take anything for granted – and not wait for my environment to change – but rather will myself to change in every moment of every breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not move myself within me when and as I notice that I am affected by my environment – and make a decision to change myself and direct myself and do so regardless of what is happening around me – and thus not wait for my environment to change – but rather push and will myself to change

Self-commitment statements

When and as I notice that I am being affected by my environment, in the sense of feeling that there are too many loud noises, too much movement, to much happening, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I must be the one that decides who I am, and push myself to live what I see is the best version of myself, and this is not something that I can limit to what my environment is doing or existing as – as then I will always be in waiting mode – and never in action mode – where I move myself forward to effectively deal with my life; and hence I commit myself to CHANGE and live WORDS and do so regardless of the state of my environment – to thus – in the instance of this situation – live the word EMBRACE and CALM – and instead observe and participate with my environment – instead of going into a reaction towards it


Learn more about this way of living

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