Day 406: Expression and Depression

I went swimming this morning and as usual I was a bit hesitant. I do not enjoy waking up early, drive to town and then jump into the pool while it is still dark outside. My preference is to down something less physically demanding. However – these few hours in the morning is a rare moment that I have at my disposal to engage in some undisturbed physical exertion – and knowing this – I push through my discomfort and go swimming.

When I get to the pool to start my workout – there are usually two phases to my exercise. The first one is difficult – it is the part where I have to push through my resistances. Initially I do not want to get in the cold water, and I do not want to swim back and forth. My mind finds it trite and unrewarding – and usually thoughts and fantasies will start emerging – inner entertainment to bring my focus away from here. This phase tends to last for about 10-15 minutes – and then I get into the more rewarding and calming part of my workout – where I able to relax into the physical motions and simply swim – without any thoughts of what I am going to do next. That is a nice place to be. It is a comfortable form of meditation.

Today I tried a different approach to supporting myself through the first phase of the swimming. I looked at what I was going to live and create throughout my day – what I was going to manifest in my life that is awesome. I saw that one thing I wanted to create was a constant awareness and presence of my inner experiences – and a direction to forgive and let go of the reactions that came up within me and change in real time. I also saw that I wanted to bring through more expression in my life. In particular – I realized that the sense of depression that I have had as of recent is because I have not expressed myself properly. And that made sense to me – DE-pression is something I build when I push back what comes up within me as realizations, insights and expressions waiting to be shared – and EX-pression is when I support myself to open up and share such movements within me with my world. Hence – I decided that I would use my day to EXPRESS the movements within me.

After I was done swimming I went to work and started practicing my realizations and insights. What I am doing now – in writing this blog – is also part of putting my insights into reality – by sharing myself and my day – I want to create an expression and movement within me. I have also found that writing and sharing myself is what helps my process to expand and move forward. It is by writing that I am able to open up new parts of myself – find new ways to look at things and develop new ways of tackling problems that I am facing. Thus – writing is something that I am planning to integrate more into my daily life – as part of a daily routine.

Hence – what I can take from today is the value of self-reflection and the value of using/living each day to its fullest. It is not necessary to wait for things to get better – we can make them better as we go.


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