Day 546: Self-forgiveness on control and age

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear a new earth, a new life, a new reality, a new creation, to fear change, and to want the old to remain, even though it does not work, because I fear change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear change, because I fear losing control, I fear not being able to use my memories and my experiences, and my routines, to guide my through reality on automation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not living a automated life, to fear being alive in every moment, to fear facing each moment in my day as a living being, because that would mean that I can not rely on routines, and that my life will change, my relationships will change, I will change, in ways that I am not able to predict

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear self-expression because I am not able to control it, I am not able to predict it, I am not able to foresee it, and I am not able to store it inside of me like knowledge

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the organic and unpredictable motion of life and living

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to structure and organize my life according to my knowledge and my experiences of how I have done things in the past

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear trusting myself in the moment, to fear living organically, to fear living with intuition, to fear sensing and feeling myself in every moment and assessing each moment and my participation from within and as my self-honesty

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of my dysfunctional behaviors, because I fear what I am going to do and who I am going to be instead, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and develop a reliance on the behaviors that I was programmed with, because I feel safe in them, even though they are not supportive for me and my environment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not dare to step out into the unknown, the unforeseen, the unpredictable, and to live for real, to stand in my own expression and live from my expression and my self-honesty

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear standing up and standing without my knowledge, to stand pure and innocent in every moment, and approach each moment as if it was my first and only moment – this moment here – to approach it unconditionally and without clinging to the past

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear standing completely in self-trust in every moment – trusting my application – trusting my physical body – trusting myself to act/live/apply what is best for all in every moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear aging, to fear growing old, to fear dying, to fear not doing enough while I am alive, and to fear being dissatisfied with myself when I die, feeling that I did not do enough

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being old, and to fear seeing my body aging, because it reminds me that my time is limited, and it reminds me that my desires and wants are ephemeral and that I will not be able to hold unto this world even though I want to

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear aging, to fear changing, to fear developing, to fear becoming different and being different in comparison to others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear time moving to fast, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself become inflexible, to ICE-O-LATE myself – to freeze inside of myself and not be flexible, and warm, and supple, when I face and move in and with life as it develops, as it takes shape, as it form as it moves here with and as me

I commit myself to live in every moment – to be timeless – ageless – to be completely here and to let go of past and future – to let go of knowledge – to let go of identity and individualism and to become one and equal with and as this moment here

I commit myself to stop fearing life as the unpredictable and supple movement here in every moment that cannot be controlled, defined, molded and shaped, only lived and expressed on a moment to moment basis


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