Category Archives: Journey To Life

Day 445: When Competition Puts Us Off Course

Competition is a strange thing. Especially the kind of competition that just happens. For example, the competition that exists at the office, where one guy gets the promotion, the other does not, the next guy gets close to the boss, and the third does not. When a lot of people come together, such as in a organization, there is bound to be some competition.

For myself, I have found, that when I give into and become engulfed in competition, I lose my direction. What used to be important becomes less so, and what takes its place is the DESIRE to WIN, to reach that position/point/top that everyone else seems to strive towards, and hence, that must be really worthwhile. Though it is not even about the position. It is about proving to everyone else, and to myself, that I could reach that position, and nobody else could. Thus, it is a complete illusion, based solely on wanting to become someone to someone other than me, to feel better, and it has nothing to do with what I actually want to do – that which is my REAL expression.

Competing this way is not constructive, rather it is destructive. Instead of strengthening our own individual unique expressions, we all strive towards the same goal, the same achievement, and all try to climb the same ladder. It is unfortunate, because what is a genuine success/achievement for one person might not be so for another. Accordingly it does not make any sense to set ourselves and our lives up with the intent of winning – because at the end of the day – if we have given up on everything that is unique and individual about ourselves to reach that position/status/goal – then have we really won? Have we not in-fact lost a part of ourselves – that unconditional drive and movement within us that acts/express without wanting rewards – but where the expression in itself is enough to be wholly fulfilling.

I have tried to walk both paths in my life. Getting lost in the wheel of competition, striving towards something more, without really understanding why – and then also – moving myself to fulfill myself through doing that which I really enjoy/love. And with the latter, I have found that it does not even have to be something that I love/enjoy – the difference is all in HOW I approach the point. In my work for example, that occasionally can be less than stimulating, I have found pleasure and drive in practicing being thorough, structured and specific. I have practiced living those characteristics without aspiring a position or a certain status, I have done it for MYSELF.

I do recognize that it can be easy to lose oneself in these games of competition that is played in all parts of life in some way or another. And, everyone else seems to be in it, so why should not I do it as well? And if I do decide to walk my own path, will I miss out on something? What if that grand-prize at the top of the ladder is worth it all? There are definitely fears associated with deciding upon and walking the path less traveled – and there are far less that travels the path of self-expression compared to the path of competition. However, only because the mass of people does something, it does not mean that it is right for ME, it does not mean that it is supportive, and it does not mean that it is BEST.

About two years ago, just about as I finished my university degree, I decided to move back to where I grew up, to the rural parts of Sweden. This went against what everyone of my classmates decided to do. Most of them went to the capital city to get the top tier jobs. And since I moved, I have had this nagging fear/stress that I might be missing out on something. I have sometimes started to make sketches in my mind of moving back to the big city, to find myself a top job, and create my success story. Though part of me has been drawn to the country side, the quiet, the opportunities that exist in immersing oneself in hobbies such as gardening and carpentry. This to me perfectly exemplifies the effect that competition can have on my mind – and on a mind in general. Because when I look at it, there is no objective, quantifiable and practical benefit to moving back to the city and acquiring a ‘top job’. I have everything set where I live in terms of money and shelter – and I am very satisfied with my daily routines. Hence this begs the question, why this urge to move upwards in the ladder of success? Why this urge to give up that which I want for myself, to do what I perceive everyone else wants, values and desires? It makes NO sense.

And that is where I would like to end of – with the conclusion that: competition makes NO sense. Competition is not rational, it is not practical, it is not thought through and it is not supporting us to fulfill our utmost potential. Giving into competition dehumanizes us, makes us machines racing to prove our value to some unknown force, while at the same time devaluing and losing our own unique potential, our own individual point of expression that cannot be measured in terms of winning and losing.

Hence – instead of competing – we should embrace our own VALUE, our own UNIQUE and INDIVIDUAL expression – that which cannot be compared and measured in relation to another – because that is where we will find real and lasting fulfillment.


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Day 444: Insecurity = Not Seeing Me

Some week ago I received praise from a colleague as to my ability to handle certain tasks at work. I became moved and felt very happy and also surprised, because I did not see myself the same way my colleague did. Later, I reflected on the event, and I have come to see how these reactions of happiness and surprise, actually indicates a deep seated insecurity.

I look at it the following way. If I would have been secure within myself, if I had recognized my weaknesses and strengths, and known what I was capable of, would I then have reacted the way that I did? The way I see insecurity is that it has a lot to do with undermining, devaluing and diminishing myself, and hence because of this, missing/not seeing WHO I AM. Thus, when someone else comes into my life, and tells me that I am really good at something, I get thrown off my feet with gratefulness and satisfaction. The real question though is why I have not accepted and allowed myself to give these expressions/words to myself – why wait for someone else to do it for me?

In Sweden we have a mentality called the “tall poppy syndrome” – which means that if you do acquire skill/status/money or similar above the average, it is seen as bad and socially unacceptable to speak about it and recognize it. This mentality pervades in the Swedish society. It is thus interesting that, many rich people in Sweden, live as if they had an average income. This mentality obviously becomes a problem in the sense that excellence and success many times, at least silently, is shunned and repressed – and if someone does reach excellence – he or she will not speak about it. However, suppressing stories of success actually depraves everyone of the opportunity to grow and learn through the example of another.

From what I can see, I have internalized this tall poppy syndrome because fact is that I am very good at my work, I am thorough, I am self-reliant and assertive in handling my responsibilities – though – I have not recognized this for myself. And obviously, this tendency of mine, to not see and evaluate myself, and give me credit when credit is due, also has the consequence that I am not as open to seeing and recognizing my weaknesses. Because, what is the point of changing a weakness into a strength if I do not recognize it for myself? Then it is better to keep everything average, takes less effort.

Another consequence of me not recognizing what I am good at, my successes and achievements, is that I do not want to recognize such in others as either. Instead, when another achieves, grows and expands, I become jealous, and feel bereft. And then I want to bring another down to the level of average, in the belief, that this is what I am, and that I cannot become more. Though, what is missed is that I can obviously learn and become inspired by the successes of another. And the expansion of the life of one person is not only of value to that particular individual, as we live in a interconnected reality – and hence – when one of us becomes better – this will ripple into the lives of everyone else as well.

Thus, insecurity, it is when I do not give myself credit where credit is due, because I believe that I am not worthy/respectable/good enough to do it for myself. And then I instead wait and hope for others to do it. I strive and fight to achieve some form of recognition, all because I did not give it to myself. A solution that I see for myself when I receive positive feedback, is that instead of going into a feeling of happiness, pride and joy, to instead look at the feedback objectively – to bring it within me and then see if I agree with this feedback – and if I do – to then recognize my ability/skill/success for and as myself.

And then, I can expand this point even more, by then looking at how I can improve/move/further/strengthen my point of success even more. Because why accept myself to be satisfied with being really good at something, when I can most likely, become even better at it? And further – to also push myself to recognize my weaknesses, and actively practice changing these weaknesses into strengths. That is how I can start recognizing myself instead of needing others to do it for me.


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Day 443: First World Problems

I recently listened the following interview on Eqafe: The Hereafter and the Next Phase of Existential Process (Part 1) – Life Review – and it was a fantastic recording. It opened up a few realizations within me which I am going to discuss in this post.

Being a first world citizen, complaining about the small shit in life, like, the fact that I have to work a couple of hours each day, that I have to cook food when I get home from work, which means that I cannot pursue my hobbies to the extent that I would have liked to, or that I have to do household chores every weekend, like cleaning and tending to my house, that is being spoiled. And man, have we not become spoiled in the first world. When something goes bad, we face difficulties in our relationships, at work, or we fail somehow, what do we tend to do? We give up.

It is interesting, because we, first world citizens, without a doubt have the most opportunities. Yet, what is it that we do with our lives? Not that much really. Most of it we spend lurking about in our emotional and feeling experiences. A question we should ask ourselves is, what could we accomplish if we would stop giving so much attention to these thoughts, emotions and feelings, that move about up there in our minds, what potential is yet to be unlocked?

For example, with my work, I can see the difference so clearly. When I am lost in thoughts, when I accept and allow myself to be preoccupied with feelings and emotions, I only function on half or less what I am capable of. On the other hand, when I make sure to be HERE, to live in the physical, then I can achieve impressive results. The human physical body and our minds have so much potential that we have yet to access, because we have used most of it to fuel completely pointless and illusory experiences and images in our minds. And not only that, we have then as well, made these illusory experiences real by accepting and allowing ourselves to act according to them. And thus, when we feel depressed, we believe that is real, and we decide to act depressed – when really – we are able to make a DECISION that we are not going to accept and allow this depression to get the better of us.

One thing that I could see for myself when listening to this interview is how important it is to make it a point in my life to SHARE and GIVE – to not become lost in all of the crap that can be thought-up about what is the right, or the wrong direction, about what is good, and what is bad, but to instead use the time to do something constructively that will SUPPORT life. And it does not have to be big things. Really, life is made up out of small actions, small deeds, that accumulate and becomes a culture, a way of living, the society and life we create together. Hence, when we accept and allow ourselves to feel like shit, to throw a tantrum because of some apparent problem in our privileged first world lives, then we create and impulse that culture/way of living into the world. And, when we do that, can we expect to have any different results? Can we expect that something is going to get better?

Life on earth is only going to get better when we as individuals get better. Thus, the primary responsibility for all of us, is to make sure that we are the best that we can be. When we are the best version of ourselves, already having that point in order, we are imprinting into the world, the system, a new pattern, a new direction, a new momentum and way to live.

I am not going to waste my life by accepting and allowing thoughts, emotions and feelings, that I have not chosen, to be the guidelines of my life. And I am not going to fall into the trap of complaining and pitying myself because there are things that I have to do in life, in order to survive. Because, as a first world citizen, I have everything at my disposal. I have water, food, clothing, shelter, healthcare, access to transportation, and the possibility, to now and then, go on a vacation – AND – I have the TIME that I need to walk my process – to write – and to now and then post a blog. Under such conditions, complaining is simply not acceptable.


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Day 442: Slowing Down = Speeding Up?

In my work, one thing that I have noticed, is that mistakes and errors most of the times arise as a consequence of wanting to move too fast. When I want to get more things done than what I am able to handle, and more speedily at that, mistakes will be made. Thus, to be slow, structured and steady is really an art-form – a valuable skill – especially in today’s world where everything moves faster and faster.

I have realized that having a clearly defined structure and a simple and grounded method assists and supports a great deal with keeping a steady momentum. An example would be the way I have decided to set up my proof-reading technique. I always proof-read everything I write, and I do it one, preferably several days after I have done the writing. That will give me space to forget and reconsider what I have written, so that I can re-read it with fresh eyes. Further, I always proof-read first thing in the morning, because that is when my mind is fresh and alert – ready to catch any small inconsistency and mistake. I then read through the text and mark each mistake or change I want to make. I read through every line – and push myself to be attentive and concentrated – and really READ all of what I written – which can be very hard to do. The reason being that it is easy to start reading on a automatic pilot, to begin to assume that words have been written that have not. For me to proof-read effectively, it is of essential importance that I am HERE – and that I am not stressing or hurrying to get to anywhere else. Hence, the importance of pace. If I move too fast, I will miss points, and create mistakes.

For me, the challenge has been to push through the state of urgency/stress I experience sometimes when I am at work, with deadlines and responsibilities, because when I am in such a experience, it feels like there is just not enough time for me to slow down. Though, the opposite is actually true. To slow down, and do things properly and effectively ONCE, actually means that I am able to speed up. The speed though is simply a outflow of being precise, concentrated and focused – SLOW and DELIBERATE – and not rushing and being all over the place.

Slowing down is what allows for real speed and efficiency. And I have seen this in my work time and time again. If I am slow and deliberate, I only have to do it once, and it will be done, all points and dimensions considered and directed. However, if I do it in a haste, there will be mistakes, things I have forgotten, and it does not help that I might feel confident or self-assured, because when I move too fast, mistakes are unavoidable. Perfection requires a steady movement, a movement and pace that allows for deep concentration.

Another important point to consider is to not fear making mistakes. The fear of making mistakes actually supports the state of rush/stress and is hence NOT conducive of slow, efficient and precise self-movement. Many seem to believe that the fear of making mistakes is supportive when it comes to developing thoroughness and focus. Though, consider the following, we have a body and a mind, our tools that we use when we work. These tools have a limited capacity – there is only so much physical energy at our disposal – and when that is used up – we have to rest in order to regain our strength. Thus, if we are continuously in a fear of making mistakes, this is going to use up part of our limited energy capacity – and thus – there is less energy at our disposal to be focused/directed into concentration and focus – and hence – we are actually increasing our risks of making mistakes by fearing to make a mistake.

The best possible approach is to be fearless. When we are fearless, we can place our focus on that which MATTERS – the MATTER at hand – and put all of our attention unto what we have in front of us.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel empowered when I become anxious and fearful of making mistakes, and think that this fear is my fuel, my power, my motivation, that will guide and assist me, and be my guardian angel that I can rely upon when things get tough – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding, that this fear of making mistakes is actually causing me to make more mistakes, because I do not have my full focus and attention HERE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust my fear of making mistakes and see it as an asset that I can use – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I become inefficient when I move myself from within and as this fear of making mistakes, I become irrational, and I start making decisions that are based on fear instead of common sense

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my fear is empowering, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue to be in my fear and anxiety, to hold unto it, to fear letting go of my fear and anxiety, in the belief, that if I let go of my fear and anxiety, I am going to lose myself, my motivation and my drive, and I am going to start making a lot more mistakes, and I am not going to do anything worthwhile with my life what so ever

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am strong, capable, and able of directing and moving myself effectively, be specific, focused and concentrated, WITHOUT fear of making mistakes – because I can make decisions as to who and what I am – I do not need nor do I require anxiety to exist within me and be a part of my life – because I can live in the physical and create myself to live and be what I want to be and what is best for me as well as others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that fear and anxiety, that survival stress, will help me to be more specific and exact – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that in accepting and allowing survival stress to rule and determine my life, and my world – I am more prone to make mistakes – I am more prone to miss important facts and facets of a problem or decision – and thus more prone to create things in my life that I do not want in my life

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself going into survival stress, when I begin to move myself hastily, from task to task without no flow, ease and without deliberate action – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this survival stress is holding me back from being effective in my life and from creating myself – because when and as I have this survival stress within me – I miss what is HERE in my life – and I miss MYSELF – as my living becomes focused on and around this survival stress – and thus I commit myself to deliberately slow down and to practice grounding myself back into the physical – and to practice moving myself from within and as BREATH – each and every time I notice that I go into survival stress/anxiety


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Day 441: Making Plans and Following Them

I like making plans. In-fact it makes me excited to consider the potentials of the future, what I can do with it, what goals can be realized and what directions can be taken. Though, what is more difficult for me is to stick with the plan. It is also harder for me to plan my day-to-day life – you know – the small apparently insignificant things we have to tend to. To me, this indicates one thing, and that is that planning is not yet a word/expression that I am living as a grounded and realistic approach to life. It is still more of a form of entertainment rather than a practical tool to be used in making myself and my daily living more streamlined and effective.

One example that comes to mind, that exemplifies my tendency to ‘winging it’ instead of structuring my approach, is that I do not tend to look in my almanac throughout my week. And that in itself is a tell, because guess what, I usually sit down and map out my week, in my almanac. Though when it comes to applying it throughout the week, I rely on my good memory, and improvise a lot as well. However, this causes me to forget what I have planned, miss responsibilities and ‘to-do’s’.

Though, there is yet another reason why I do not tend to look in the almanac throughout my week, and that is a underlying stress, a sense of urgency, where I do not feel as if I have the time to stop up and make any plans, or for that matter, check up upon and follow the plans that I have already made. However, I do understand on a theoretical level, and I have also seen it in practice, that when I plan and streamline my day, this helps me to be more efficient with my time, to get more done, and to move more smoothly through my day.

Thus, the points I want to work with regards to the word planning/structure is to be realistic when I make my plans, to push myself to plan, and follow my plans, with regards to my day-to-day living.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become excited when I make my plans, and to make them too ambitious, too lofty, where I become excited over the fact that I can plan, imagine and think things up, however, not considering the practical living of the plan – and also taking into consideration WHO I AM as a person, and what would be realistic for me to live

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not follow through on the plans that I make, because when it comes to following through, I no longer have that exciting energy within me, and now, it is all physical, and it is all about discipline, and it as all about

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire my plans to live for me, to hope that when I have made a plan, that it is enough and that I do not have to do anymore, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire plans so that I can feel comfortable in knowing that I am going to go forward with my life – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that plans are only what I make of them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that plans are a direction in and as themselves, not seeing, realizing and understanding, that the direction, the movement, it will always be ME – plans is only ever a tool that I am able to use in order to structure and create an overview in my life and make it easier for me to stand as the direction and stand as the movement in my life – and stand as the way forward – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not use plans as a support tool and not something upon which I rely to move myself forward

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my plans are my guide, that my plans are what should move me forward, that my plans are what will move me through life, that I can place trust and reliance on my plans – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become excited and joyful when I make plans because I believe that they are actually going to be realized automatically and that I am going to achieve everything that I think about and look at – not seeing, realizing and understanding, that my plans will not do such a thing, that I will have to stand as the point of direction in my life and my life forward – no plan will do that for me

Self-commitment statements

I commit myself to live the word planning through structuring my daily living in a realistic and grounded way, where I plan and streamline my day-to-day commitments and responsibilities in a supportive manner

I commit myself to follow through on what I have planned, to actively look at my calendar and my to-do list, to use it as a support and a reference point, from which I move myself

When and as I see myself going into a state of ‘winging’ it – a state of stress and anxiety, where I do not want to spend time on planning, referencing my plans, or following my plans, because I feel that it takes too much time, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that planning does take time, though it is something that will pay back, because when I plan, I create a overview, and I create a foundation for efficiency and expression – because I know where I am, where I am going and what is required to be done – and thus I commit myself to stop up, take a breath and commit time each day to planning my movement and my time


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Day 440: Changing Insecurity Into Security

This week I have looked at the word insecurity and how it plays a part in my life. Initially, I did not consider insecurity as a major influence in my day-to-day living, however, I have noticed that insecurity takes on many shapes and forms.

One point that I had not seen as insecurity before is my tendency to desire positive feedback from superiors and older colleagues, and to have someone who I perceive to be higher up in the hierarchy give me direction. Without the affirmation, I tend to doubt myself, and without someone that I perceive to be higher up than me, I tend to change my decisions, because I become fearful and worried that I am not doing the right thing. Thus, for me, insecurity is connected with doing the RIGHT thing – and somehow I have concluded that I cannot be the one that decides that what I am doing is the right – I have to be approved.

Insecurity is limiting, and from what I am able to see, insecurity is in its essence about not not seeing myself as an equal individual, but instead trying to have others approve of me, and using the small bursts of energy that arise from such occasions to build up an illusion of security. Though, fact is, that when the support is removed, when the feedback becomes negative, when the superiors and those I have used to create the feeling security change how they look at me, then it all comes crashing down. Then, I experience fear and anxiety instead, that which I otherwise would try to hide by getting the approval.

However, insecurity does not only take the shape and form of following and relying on the judgments/opinions/ideas of others, it also comes through in stubbornness – in wanting to blow myself up and build up a facade, an illusion, to make myself and others believe that I am secure. This arise from the mistake of believing that being secure means that I always know what to do, have the solutions, and see the right way ahead. However, self-security is not necessarily about knowing what to do, or about taking the lead, or about always being certain and doing things my way. Rather, self-security is that deep and untouchable comfort and calm, stemming from knowing that regardless what comes my way, it will not change who I am, it will not change my base values and principles, it will not sweep my off my feet.

I see, that for myself, a priority when it comes to security and living this word, is to stop comparing myself to others, and stop believing that what I want/see needs to be confirmed/accepted from another for me to go through with it. I do not need the perceived added value and weight of anothers perception for me to make a decision and follow through with it. That is not to say however, that I must now know everything myself. It is important to be able to ask for perspectives and receive input, though, the decision as to what I am going to do must be my own. If I do not stand with my decision, then when the tide turns, I will fall back on it – because it was not real – it was not actually done for me.

Security thus, would be to, among other things, trust myself to make decisions for me and to not use others agreeing or disagreeing with me as a reason to make the decision, but to rather take their perspective/information/input and to assess it independently, and then make a decision for and as myself on the basis of my own reasoning.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on others for me to make decisions, to rely on others to give me input, an opinion, a decision, so that I am able to lean upon them, instead of developing effective and self-independent reasoning skills, where the input and perspectives of others, are resources that I utilize in my own process of assessment and not reasons in themselves as to why I should or should not make a certain decision

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be concerned about the opinions of another, in the sense, of fearing that I will make a mistake and do something that will be considered, by another, as a bad/wrong/stupid/inadequate – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowing myself to base my sense of security on comparison – as to comparing myself with others – and if I find myself to be/do/live similar to what I believe others value positively – to then feel secure/safe/and on the right path

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that if I am to stand as my own chief and boss, as an entrepreneur, I require to change this point, and transform it into real security, real trust, real acceptance – where it is thus not about acquiring a life/way of living that I perceive to be right by comparison – but instead living a life for and as myself that I KNOW is an expression of and as myself – because I know myself – I have reasoned and concluded my own decisions – I know where I am going – and I know what I am going to do with and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that in order to make decisions that I can stand by consistently, long term, I have to make certain, that I do not base those decisions on a comparison, where I use the ideas/opinions/perceptions of another as my sole point of reason – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not developed and create my own reasoning abilities – to push myself to create self-independence within and as myself – where I am secure – in the sense that I am able to learn from and take from others what will support and empower me – however I make the decisions within me and do not accept and allow someone else to take that role within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow instead of being my own creator – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel more secure in following – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that following is always a point of dis-empowering myself – where I believe – that only because I do what another tells me to do – I am safe and on the right track – because I fear listening to and trusting myself – and fear developing my own reasoning abilities and making my own decisions – because that would imply that I am fully and wholly responsible for myself – my life – my consequences – my creation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to have someone make decisions for me, to want to have someone to follow, so that I do not need to be responsible for the decisions I make, for the direction that I take, for the consequences of my actions – but so that I always have someone to blame if things go wrong – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath – bring myself back here – and see, realize and understand – that it does not assist and support me to follow – and that even though I follow – I will still have to walk the consequences of my actions – because even though I convince myself otherwise – its still my actions

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself moving within myself to use another as a reason for me making a decision, where I rely upon another, without me assessing and looking at the point first, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this tendency of mine, to want to follow and use others as a reason, it dis-empowers me, and sets me off, spinning around, moving in directions that are not supportive, and eventually, I do not act or live the way that is best for me, because I follow, instead of direct – and thus I commit myself to DIRECT myself – and practice developing my own critical reasoning abilities – where I make decisions for and as myself – and assess the information received by others – not use it as my prime reason to move

When and as I see myself want to follow, rely upon, move myself because of the feedback of another, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that when I do, I create consequences for myself – I live in a way that is not supportive to me – and I make decisions that I later fall back on because I have not made/created them for me – AND – I miss out on actually LIVING and BUILDING my life for and as me – because I instead follow – and thus I commit myself to stop following and to starting living – to stop relying upon and instead develop my own point of movement and direction – where I make decision for and as me – though obviously – utilizing the perspectives and living of others as a inspiration and point of assistance and support


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Day 439: Slowing Down In The Process of Creation

Last week I had an interesting realization with regards to living the words STRUCTURE and THOROUGH. I had proof-read a text of mine, which I then handed over to my colleague who had requested the text. Later my colleague came back and pointed out a couple fact errors in the text.

I looked at WHY those errors had come to be and remained, even though I proof-read the text – and I found the following.

To effectively fact-check, and to be thorough, precise and structured, each step of the creation process must be walked, and each step must be given as much time as is required for that particular step to be effectively completed. Hence, there must be a certain level of slowness to the creation process – if I move too fast – then I will miss things. However, this point of slowing down is something that I have experienced as unstimulating, sterile, painstaking and wearisome – actually causing me to become stressed/wanting to move forward faster in order to make the task more stimulating. The consequence of accepting and allowing myself to move with this stress is that mistakes are made.

The solution is to push through this angst/stress connected to the application of being thorough/precise/structured – to regardless of the experience – realizing that I do not need stimulation from my outside environment – and then walk the point in the pace that is required for the process of creation to be effective. And also – to see, realize and understand – that this process of disciplining self in a supportive pace is in itself stimulating, fascinating and enjoyable – however on a deeper level compared to experiencing my environment as stimulating.


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