Day 458: Learning How To Act Without Motivation

During my years at the university I met countless of people that explained to me that they were not able to start a project well in advance, because they needed ‘pressure’ to move themselves. Consequentially, they ended up doing a spurt, writing their essay 48 hours before it was due. Oftentimes the result was that their assignment was compromised in some way.

I used to be the same. I had the tendency of waiting, waiting, waiting, and then, when anxiety and fear struck in, I began to move myself. However, I realized that this caused undue stress on my body and that my results were not satisfactory. Furthermore, it caused an unbalance in my life. I moved from not doing anything productive, to trying to squeeze in 20 productive hours in one day. It is obvious that such a contrast cannot be healthy. I understood that routines and a sensible balance would assist and support me to remain calm and stable – and to not go into highs or lows.

Thus, I decided to change my way of dealing with assignments/projects/deadlines. Instead of waiting to the point where stress and anxiety arose – I decided to MOVE myself. I realized that I did not need motivation. In-fact, motivation is a very limited concept – at least when it is defined as a energy that comes up from within and that allows us to move. Because if that is the case, we will always be slaves to the movement – instead of being our own masters – where we decide to move ourselves because it is the BEST thing for us to do.

In physical reality, motivation is not required. Physical reality works within the principles of physics. And in physics the laws of physics abide. One of these laws is that movement in the physical happens when we move physically – meaning – that in order for us to move a ball – we have to in someway exert physical energy unto that ball. The key here is PHYSICAL ENERGY. It is impossible to move that ball utilizing thoughts, it is impossible to move it utilizing feelings or emotions – WE MUST exert PHYSICAL force. And – exerting physical energy is NOT dependent on us feeling motivated to do so.

My assertion can be proven easily. Simply move your hand in-front of your face and shape it into a fist. Now ask yourself, were you able to do that because you felt motivated? No – you simply DID IT. And that is the secret – the REAL secret. Physical movement requires no feeling or emotional backup. Our physical bodies are in direct connection with our PRESENCE – our DIRECTION – our SOUL for a lack of a better word. When we decide to move – we move – unless of course – we are hindered by a ailment of some sort.

The reason you can shape your fist without motivation, yet feel unable to move yourself when it comes to other more extensive and complex movements/projects is because the latter requires a steady, consistent and deliberate exertion of physical energy. Most of us are not able to do that without training. The skill I am talking about here is SELF-DISCIPLINE.

For me, self-discipline means, ‘doing things even though you do not feel like it because you see that it is what is best’. And is not this the big problem everyone is dealing with? We do not feel like it, and we do not have the discipline to simply do it – and instead we depend on feeble and untrustworthy experiences such as motivation – to help us get shit done. That is not a sustainable way to live.

Self-discipline is a skill that can be developed. Yet it takes practice and it takes pushing and breaking through the invisible walls we have created for ourselves. That process can be difficult, depending on how much you believe in the idea that you need to be motivated to move. Though, it is possible to re-create ourselves in this regard – I have done it – it took a couple of years – however today – I can move myself for extended periods of time without the slightest inspiration or motivation to do so. Instead I move, because I decide to do move.

 


Learn more about this way of living and looking at things here.

 

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Day 457: Work Is Pretty Fun

Something I really feared and resisted, especially in my teens and early twenties, was to get a regular full time job. I saw it as a form of death – and I did not want to become anything like my parents. I perceived both of them as working too much, and as having lost that playful and youthful expression that could recognize in my peers and myself. Back then, I thought the problem was work.

I found various ways to avoid becoming part of the work force – until – I realized that this was a limitation I had created for myself. Once I understood that it was not work that was the problem, and that rather it was WHO I AM in relation to work, my entire perspective changed. I decided to pursue a university degree and from then on I have been committed to learning a trade and acquiring the necessary skills to become effective within it.

Fact is that work now offers one of my primary sources of learning and expansion in life. Obviously, this does not happen automatically. If I just go to work, and sit there, wait for the time pass, then I will be awarded with very few moments of expansion. However, if I make sure that I make work an equal part of my life, where I push myself to learn, expand, and move, then that is what I will receive in equal measure. Expansion does not happen by itself – it must be directed – it requires discipline and effort. Oftentimes there is a wall of resistance that must be broken down. And when I move beyond the resistance, there is a new world opening up.

It is this new world that I have come to enjoy so much in my work. Because it is not necessarily about the work in itself – it can be about the skills I develop that are indirectly related to my work. At the moment, I have been pushed to develop intimacy, empathy and social skills – and not directly in relation to the work I am doing – but rather as something that exist on the side and as a consequence of my primary work responsibilities. That is not something I would have been confronted with had I not been working.

I sometimes hear people complaining about their work and how they do not want to be there but rather be at home living and fulfilling their private interests. This is a limited way of looking at work. The solution is to make sure that regardless of where we are at, that we find ways to discover and empower ourselves. There are opportunities everywhere, however, in order to see them, we have to be OPEN and RECEPTIVE – and in order to ACT on them – we have to be DISCIPLINED and READY. To be able to master this approach we cannot accept and allow ourselves to remain in a state of whining and complaining. We have to be on our toes and READY to embrace whatever might come our way.

Today, I enjoy going to work most of the days in the week. The days where I do not. I see those days as my challenges. They challenge me to go beyond that emotion of resistance, and to make something out of myself and my day, even if I do not feel like it. Because if it is one thing that I have understood, it is that I can never wait for my mind to give me the get go. My emotions and feelings will never be ready. No, I have to make the decision – PHYSICALLY – through acting in the physical – through changing myself with actual acts in matter. Thus, instead of remaining in that state of depression and tiredness – I protrude my chest, I straighten my back, I push my shoulders backwards, breathe deeply, and start to look at what I can do to make the most of where I am – and I PROMISE – there are ALWAYS ways to move beyond the obvious.

Concluding: Work – a challenge and a gift to be lived and experienced fully – and today it is a opportunity that I am grateful to have in my life.

I have used the Desteni tools of writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application to manifest this change for myself. And through this process, what seemed to be dry and meaningless, has become a well of inspiration for me. For anyone that wants to know what is possible to be created – I suggest that you investigate Desteni.

 


Day 456: The Righteous-Character

Yesterday after work I decided to order some take-out food for supper. I called the restaurant and told them that I did not want to have any onion on one of the dishes. About ten minutes later I drove to the restaurant to pick up my food, at which point I noticed that the chef had misunderstood me. He had not used onion in any of the dishes I had ordered.

It upset me when I became aware of this. I asked the chef whether he could re-do the dish and put onion in it. The chef did not want to do that because it would get messy. This frustrated me even further. At this point I saw before me two options. On the one hand, I could insist on having onion, or I could simply take the dishes as they were and walk out of there. I felt as if there were two of me, there was one rational version; I could see that the flavor and experience of the dish was not dependent on onion and that I would save a lot of time if I accepted the mistake and walked out of there. The other me, was the irrational and angry me; this me wanted redress – ‘I want to receive what I have ordered, I paid for this! Then I should get what I paid for!’

I stood there and felt the irritation and frustration within me – then I made the decision to drop the point. To take the dish as it were and get out of there – get home and eat my dish and enjoy it. This was the rational and common sense thing to do – and I am satisfied with the decision that I made. Though, I can still see that I became influenced by the emotions, to get into me and had an effect on me – and hence I want to look at the emotions and the character.

If I am to give this character a name, I would say it is the righteous-character. It is the experience of me being completely right because someone else has not done their job properly – and hence – I have a right to become angry – pissed of and irritated. I have a right to curse at them and to start a conflict. When I look at it, I can see that this logic is very much a like how parents treat their children, and it might be from this relationship that I have acquired this pattern. Because parents tend to become angry at their kids when they do something ‘wrong’ – and in such instances – most parents do not consider it wrong or consequential to be angry – rather it is ‘needed’ to set the child straight.

This righteous-character activates especially when it comes to money, and people not doing their job the way I expect them to. Because when I have paid for a service, I make the false conclusion that I now ‘own’ the person supplying the service – and hence I can act and behave in any manner and way I like if my expectations are not fulfilled – because I have ‘bought’ that right. However, in looking beyond money, which is an abstraction, it becomes evident that my actions, and the righteous-character, have just the same consequences and negative outflows as accepting and allowing myself to become angry and frustrated at someone in my personal life. The righteous-character is really not a character/way of living that brings through what is best for all.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and think that I have the right to be mean, angry and frustrated when I buy a service and I do not get what I expect that I should get – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume/think that only because I paid for something – this means that all bets are off and I have full freedom to do what I want to do and say what I want to say

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that access to money makes me more important and better than others – and that purchasing a service means that I own the person that gives this service

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value money over myself as a person – and to believe that money gives me value – and thus when money is at stake, when there is a question about money, then I have the right, freedom to do what it takes to control/direct my money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not remind myself that what is of importance and relevance is who I am as a person – the value that I am able to give/live and be to others – and thus not the amount of money I own and have access to

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that it is money that gives me importance and value in this life – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that money is only a medium, a means used to transact goods and services, and that it does not determine me as a person, and that buying a service, does not mean that I have the right to do whatever it is that I want to do

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself becoming angry and frustrated, reacting, because I have not received what I feel that I paid for, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand, that only because money is part of the game, it does not give me a carte blanche to do whatever I want to do – and to express myself in anyway I see fit – and I realize that accepting and allowing myself behave in a way that is harmful towards others – is equally as consequential when there is a issue about money, as when it does not have to do about money – and thus I commit myself to breathe and stabilize myself here – and then work to resolve the issue/problem that is ahead of me utilizing common sense and a stable and sensible presence/direction – where I find solutions to the problem and use common sense to get there


Day 455: Warmth

We are approaching the Christmas festivities and for me, the introductory events have already begun. The way Christmas is celebrated in my country of Sweden, is usually by eating a lot of food and drinking alcoholic beverages of different kinds, and then by giving gifts.

I do see Christmas at the moment as an event of gluttony and misplaced joy. However, I also see that there is a potential for Christmas, and these Holidays to become something supportive and worthwhile. The two holidays approaching at the moment is Christmas and New Years eve – and thus – I find this a good opportunity for me to redefine and look at how I am able to utilize these holidays to support myself and others to become the best we can be.

Lets look at Christmas first. For me the thought of Christmas brings up warmth and a sense of belonging and appreciation. The warmth has to do with family, and how everyone gets to together to share each-others company. This is from where the experience of belonging also comes from. I usually feel like I belong in relation to my family – something that is strengthened with the gifts that are given. Appreciation, that is something I relate to the gifts. We show we appreciate the presence by presents.

Hence, warmth, belonging and appreciation. At the moment, these are words that come up within me as feelings, and mostly during public holidays such as Christmas. However, this begs the question, why have I not pushed myself to live these words practically in my day-to-day life – thus creating each-day to become a Christmas in itself. I will begin with looking at warmth.

How I have lived the word warmth thus far

I do not consider myself to be a warm person, at least if by being warm is meant being heartfelt, open and embracing. Those are words I have difficulty expressing. My tendency to be cold, however, is also one of my greatest strengths. I am calculating and precise – though it at times robs me of my ability to create deep, intimate and meaningful relationships with others. In-fact, it is something that I have been afraid of doing – due to the fear of being rejected. As such, within me, there is a constant cynicism – a experience of mistrust – a apprehension and expectation of soon being stabbed in my back. This makes it difficult for me to be warm – because I fear – that by being warm – I am going to open myself up to attacks.

Dictionary definition

1 a : having or giving out heat to a moderate or adequate degree

warm weather

a warm fire

b : serving to maintain or preserve heat especially to a satisfactory degree

a warm sweater

c : feeling or causing sensations of heat brought about by strenuous exertion
2 : comfortably established : secure
3 a : marked by strong feeling : ardent

b : marked by excitement, disagreement, or anger

the argument grew warm

4 : marked by or readily showing affection, gratitude, cordiality, or sympathy

a warm welcome

warm regards

5 : emphasizing or exploiting sexual imagery or incidents
6 : accompanied or marked by extreme danger or duress

7 : newly made : fresh

a warm scent

8 : having the color or tone of something that imparts heat; specifically : of a hue in the range yellow through orange to red

9 : near to a goal, object, or solution sought

not there yet but getting warm

Sounding the word

War-me
Warn
Ware-me
Wear-Me
With-Me
Aware-of-Me

Creative writing

Warmth, it is something that I can push myself to live in my daily life – by practicing empathy and genuine care for others. To when someone shares themselves, to listen to their words, and for that moment, stand in their shoes – to really hear what they are saying – so that I am able to respond with warmth. I have experienced, especially people that work as nurses, to have this ability to be genuinely warm with their patients. What I have experienced inside of me when meetings people with this ability is that when they touch and speak, they really mean it, they are HERE and not in a hurry to get somewhere else. And when they touch, I have felt embraced, seen and cared for. It is like they are able to see they value in me, recognize it, and support it. And that is how I see that I would like to live warmth as well.

Being warm is to be inviting and embracing. Like a warm bath. I love those, I jump into it, and I feel relaxed, I can take a deep breathe and relax – be myself completely – with not worry in the world. And that physical experience of warmth is something that I can use when I live this word for myself. Especially when it comes to myself, I can practice living warmth by relaxing, taking a deep breath, and allowing myself to completely disengage and flow, be invite myself in just as I am, without any conditions.

The sound that I connect with the most is ‘Wear-Me’ or ‘Aware-of-Me’. This signifies that being warm is a recognition of someone of myself.

New definition

Embracing and unconditionally opening myself up to and receiving myself or another without fears

 


 

Day 454: Making a Bargain

Recently I was discussing with a friend which building contractors he considers to be good and worthy to hire. I shared with him that I had hired contractor ‘X’ to build my house, upon which my friend said that he had some very bad experiences with this contractor. Upon him saying that, I experienced a chill and a fear raising within me. The fear had this content: ‘What if my house is now somehow compromised, and I have paid more money for it than I should have had?’.

The fear that came up within me was thus not so much about my personal relationship with my house, but about how much money my house represented, and whether or whether not that value had been diminished. I found this interesting, because when discussing this point with my partner, it turned out that she too had experienced emotions towards our contractor and the house. Though her experience had to do with how she personally disliked certain parts of the house, and how she felt that if we would have hired a different contractor, she would have had a better experience of herself in the house.

After looking deeper at the experience, and after receiving perspective from a friend, I realized that my fear had to do with missing out on a bargain, or rather, fear of being seen as missing out on a bargain. The thing often forgotten with bargains is that someone is always on the receiving side of the bargain. Hence, for me to get something really, really cheap, someone else must really, really, not get well paid for their work. Most of us are for some reason oblivious to this fact. In our economy it is accepted that you ‘buy one and get one for free’ – though there is not such a thing called free. If we expand our worlds for a moment, we can see that all goods require physical energy/matter – and they require labor to be refined into a final product. If something is given away for free to the end-costumer, this is going to impact the people in the production line and their salaries.

The desire to make a bargain originates from within and as a fear of survival – it is part of this idea/belief that life must be a struggle, where we must fight and make sure that we come out on top. In that context, making a bargain is a win in the race for survival. The problem thus is this innate idea that we must compete, that life is about competition, that life is and must be struggle, that there is no way around it. And when we are able to buy stuff cheaply, we apparently get ahead in this competition.

What is not considered within this is how everyone is connected, and how there cannot be a winner without a loser. Further, what is not considered, is that the idea that life is a competition and that it must be a struggle, is also an idea, imprinted into us since a young age – where we start to believe – deeply and with devotion – that fighting is the only way to get through. However, when we remove the veils of fear, what is left is this physical reality – a physical world that we all inhabit together. And it makes sense if we want to have a world that is hospitable and supportive for everyone, then the first that must go is this idea/belief that we constantly have to fight against each other.

Instead of fighting, instead of trying to make a bargain, the principle with money should be to structure it in such a way that everyone is brought along and is given the necessary resources to survive and live a comfortable and supportive life. And when it comes to hiring a contractor, obviously attention given to and research should be done as to the quality/effectiveness of the contractor. Though the deal that is made, it should monetary wise honor both contracting parties.


Day 453: Dealing With Money

Money, it is a fascinating thing. Not only because it controls so many aspects of our lives, but also because it is a great reflection of ourselves. I have recently faced a couple of situations where I have come face to face with how I value myself, and how this comes through in my relationship with money.

There has been two contexts within which I have faced this point. The first context has to do with daring to ask for money for work that I have done, and the second has to do with daring to ask for a certain quality to be delivered, when I purchase a service or goods.

In the instances when I have been the ‘giver’ – I have been fearful of asking for money. I have also had a tendency to want to devalue myself and the services I offer. I have found that I feel better about myself when I charge less, compared to when I charge a lot. To me, on a deeper level, that reflects a lack of self-confidence and a lack of self-value – where I literally cannot see my own value and thus I do not want to claim more money than I perceive myself to be worth.

Recently I experienced this when I negotiated my salary, or rather, did not negotiate my salary. Instead I accepted my salary. I was satisfied with it, however, it was calculated according to a index that I did not entirely understand. Thus, when it came to actually receiving the salary, I was fearful and anxious about opening up and discussing this point with my boss. Though why would I be? I am not working for free, that is obvious for everyone involved. Still, I want to project a fake image of me not ‘caring’ about the money. Such a way of handling money is most definitely self-compromising – and leads to difficulties. The correction I see here is to dare to be honest and open about the point, discuss it, walk through the conflict and find a solution.

Then the second context, when I am the receiver, it has to do with me fearing to speak up and voice myself when I notice that I receive less value than what I have bargained for. An example of this from my life as of recent is the house I built together with my partner. Parts of the house, I am dissatisfied with, however, when it was built, I feared sharing this with the carpenter – because I did not want to cause a fight. I was fearful about making it all about the money, and being perceived as greedy.

Though, a fact of this reality is that, most things are about the money. Everything has a price. And either, we stand as directive in relation to money, or we just accept and allow shit to happen. Caring for money is not the same as being greedy, rather, it makes sense. In a reality, in a world, where everything is about money, learning to deal with money will make life a lot easier. And if I had stood up and directed my dissatisfaction and opened up a line of discussion with the carpenter, many parts of the house would have been more effective. Thus, I spared myself from the momentary discomfort of having a conflict, though I caused myself a long-term hassle, because now I live in a house, day-out and day-in – which I am not entirely satisfied with.

Money, it is funny – why do we make it such a big deal? Where I live, it is seen as dirty to have a lot of money. We do not talk about money, and many live simple lives, even though they might be really rich. However, only because we try to portray ourselves as humble and simple when it comes to money, I would say, that in the core, we are just as greedy and hungry for more, as everyone else. However, we are able to suppress it. Unfortunately, that causes us to be inefficient in dealing with money, because we push away conflicts and disagreements – and hope that everything will sort itself out for the best without our involvement. That SELDOM happens.

And that is something I have come to see recently – that being passive and hoping for things to pan out nicely – it does not work. If I see a direction that is best, it is my responsibility to push through and make that direction a reality. In the past, and especially when it has come to money, I have held myself back from doing that, and later on, I have had to live with the consequences. It might be, that because I am quite easy to satisfy, I have been able to live with the consequences. Though now, I do see how much better things could have been if I had learned and pushed through to direct the conflicts when they emerged. Especially when it comes to money.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dealing with money, and to perceive money as something dirty that I want to disassociate myself from, thinking that money is bad and wrong – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that I also desire/want/feel that I need money in my life – and hence I am creating a conflict within me, where I on the one hand fear money, and on the other hand I desire money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dealing with and working with money – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define money as a evil that I do not want to really concern myself with – within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that with this approach, I am suppressing and shutting out a point in my life, money, which is a really important part of life, hence actually compromising myself – because I am disabling myself from directing/dealing with a important point/part in life – money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not recognize my desire for money, and thus instead of suppressing and trying to deal with this desire by using morality, that I instead focus on understanding my desire, focus on where this desire comes from, and how I can enable myself to change this desire into a common sense relationship with money where it is not about desire or fear – but where it is about using money in a common sense way that is best for everyone involved

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become crazed with desire/want when I receive more money than what I normally have, and want/desire to buy everything that I can put my hands on – and within this use morality/fear to suppress this desire and return to status quo – and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not instead understand my desires, to understand my fears, to learn where they are coming from, so that I can learn to direct myself and stand stable, and use my money with common sense, instead of using my money within and as fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear talking about money, to fear asking for money for services that I provide and to fear demanding quality for services and goods that I buy – to fear having money as a topic that I bring up and discuss with others as a important part in my decision making process when it comes to making decisions and directing myself in life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide from the topic of money through pretending that everything is fine and okay – and through being ashamed and fearful when it comes to discussing and talking about money – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear for example haggling when I purchase things – to fear demanding a higher price when selling something – to fear being completely open and at ease with dealing with and discussing money with others and as such empowering myself in this part of my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about money, and desire money at the same time, and thus put myself in a limbo, where I am in a constant thought-process/movement in relation to money – instead of effectively dealing with/using the money I have, or learning to do so, in stability and with common sense – where I do not worry not having money, and neither do I desire having money, but where my relationship with money is instead clear, specific and stable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need and require fear to be effective with money, and that it is supportive to be shy and nervous around money, because apparently, it protects me from poverty, not seeing, realizing and understanding, that pretending as if money does not exist is not a solution and it will not mean that all my money problems suddenly, from one day to the other, will disappear – rather – a more effective solution would be to learn to use and direct money effectively without emotions clouding my vision and ability to act and deal money effectively

Self-commitment statements

When and as I notice myself going into fear with regards to dealing with, being direct with money, and I want to hide away, and suppress myself, I immediately take a breath, I stop myself and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that becoming shy and fearful about speaking about money does not support me to effectively direct my money situation, rather it makes me less effective, where I hide and hope that things will go away by themselves, instead of taking the bull by its horns and speaking it as it is – and thus I commit myself to practice being direct and open when it comes to money – to discuss the issues and do it here and not try to project and show off a facade that is not even real to begin with


 

Day 452: Changing Another Does Not Work

What if we would never compare ourselves to another? What if, instead of spending our time thinking, wondering, dreaming, considering what others are doing, thinking or feeling, we invested our time into our own life? What if we made it our purpose to use each day fully to CREATE ourselves, so that we can be, the best that we can be. I imagine that life on earth would be wholly different if we did.

Currently, so much of our time is vested into thinking about the lives of others. We compare, want things to feel fair, desire others to be to us in a certain way, and because of that, we forget about our own participation. The focus is so much out there, where we perceive everyone else as the point to blame, as the reason for our lives not being the way we want it to be. However, I would argue, that this is all a strategy we use to not have to face ourselves. Because our own shit, that is tough, and that requires guts. It is easy to think that someone else is at fault, it is a lot harder to recognize how we as well are responsible for how things turned out.

Blame and anger. These are emotions that eats away at us. We might believe that we are standing up for ourselves when we decide to hold unto our anger against another. We might believe that we are doing the right thing when we catch another, and release our bent up irritations unto them. Though, at the end of the day, such inner conflicts and such outer conflicts, spurred by emotions, they never lead to anything constructive – instead there is more conflict, more emotion, more anger, resentment and hate.

What is forgotten is that the world is our mirror, and that what we feel about the world, that shows us something about ourselves. If we become pissed off at someone, because we feel that they are taking something from us, that only shows that we have an issue about that as well. Attacking the mirror does not help alleviating the conflict within, instead we have to turn inwards, and look at the source of everything.

While it might feel supportive to spend our time trying to change another, it is never realistic. I have never been able to change anyone. A few times I have supported another to change themselves, though, those few times, I have been completely stable and there has been no hidden agenda. The times I have had a hidden agenda, its not been possible to come through at all. We all know when we are being duped, and we do not want anyone to get into our heads – hence we will push them out. Thus, instead of trying to change my reactions by changing others, I know go directly to the source. And when I am stable, many times I have realized that it has not even been about the other, it has been all about me.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to change another because I am reacting, instead of pushing and willing myself to change the reactions I have towards them – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, how wanting to change another is a form of escapism, a way of trying to forget about myself and my process, make things easier for myself, to not have to see in what way I am responsible and how I am creating what is going on within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it is always easier to take back responsibility to and as myself, to commit myself to look at how I am creating the point within me, and then to utilize the tools to support myself to get out of my rut – because I see that I can never move myself by trying to change another – by attempting to impose my idea of what would best for another to do – because I have to change myself – that is the only way

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget that I am a individual – that even in a relationship/agreement – I am still a individual and I am not a pair – and thus any form of change/movement is my responsibility – and it is never something that I can put unto another – I have to live it/do it/walk it for and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget my process of self-change/movement/direction – by placing my focus and attention on what my partner is doing and what my partner should change and what my partner should do differently – instead of me placing focus and attention on myself and my process and what I must do/live/create in order to make my life and the lives of others the best that it can be – and thus I see that placing focus unto me is self-empowering – because it is with myself that I have direct effect – here I can push for solutions/push for a way forward – and where I do not have to rely on another to be the way I want them to be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not do the changes that I see I have to do – and thus not focus on whether I perceive another is changing or not – as that only slows me down – that puts my focus unto stuff that I really cannot do anything with anyway –  and thus I commit myself to place my focus where it will make a difference – which is on myself – when I am focused on MYSELF and MY LIFE – MY WEAKNESSES – MY STRENGTHS – then I empowered and ready to make the changes that I need to progress and move forward

Self-commitment statements

When and as I am trying to change another, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that when I am trying to change another, I am missing myself, missing the point where I have power to actually do something, because with others, I do not have that power, in-fact, I cannot change another, and thus my effort and focus is wasted – the real place where I should put it – where it will be of value/support – is on myself – and thus I commit myself to focus on myself – to live that practically through applying self-forgiveness when a reaction arise, consistently writing and redefining words, and walking my process practically – and to when I have a problem – first of all – bring it back to myself to see whether I am able to find a solution