Day 437: Redefining The Word Reliable

Being seen and defined as reliable by others, that is something that is very important to me. In some regards, it has supported me to be cautious and precise with my impression on others, in other aspects, it has limited me, and the limitations I have created have most of the times been connected to the fear/anxiety I experience in relation to not being seen as reliable to others. Thus, in this blog I am going to look deeper at, and redefine the word reliable, and make it a practical word that I can live for and as myself.

How I live the word currently

Currently what being reliable means to me is that I am true to my word. When I say I am going to do something, I do it – if I share a bit of information – I make sure it is correct – I make sure that what I say I can do, I am also able to do. Being reliable is also much about how others experience me. If I do something that could potentially be seen as bad, or if I see that another reacts towards me, in the sense of distrusting me, then I feel start to feel/experience myself as a unreliable person, and this is oftentimes connected to self-judgment, where I condemn myself harshly for being unreliable.

Dictionary definition

adjective
consistently good in quality or performance; able to be trusted: a reliable source of information.

noun (usu. reliables)
a reliable person or thing: the supporting cast includes old reliables like Mitchell.

Sounding the word

Rely-able
Real-able
Real-I-Able
Really-Able

Creative writing

I like the sound, Real-I-Able. Drawing from the sound of the word, what I can see as definition and meaning of reliable, is that of standing firm and grounded within self when facing the world, hence being consistent, constant, the same, yesterday, today and tomorrow. That is being reliable. It is possible to fake being reliable if its only about how others sees me. Real reliability however, is about standing and being stable regardless of what comes up within me. It is the ability to apply self-forgiveness upon and the direct the patterns emerging within me without hesitation, directing it immediately, and return to the stability and constancy of breath/here – and doing that consistently – that is what makes the difference.

Reliable, it is not about others, it is about me making a decision about who I am, and sticking to it – and sticking to it over and over again each and every time that the pattern arise. When being reliable becomes about others, then I miss what reliability is all about – that it is about my stability and stand within and as myself – me being REAL and not accepting and allowing emotions or feelings draw up a cloud of dust within me, and cloud my vision.

Redefinition

Consistently living with stability and common sense

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define being reliable from the outside, wanting this to be confirmed by others, instead of me standing as reliable for and as myself, where the definition of being reliable, is that I stand within and as my human physical body, that I push and will myself to act according to what is physical, and that I push myself to forgive and let go of emotions and feelings when these emerge within me in some way or another

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at reliability as something that I am given by others, something that I receive through being deserving and acting in a way that others see as being reliable, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget, and miss out on what it means to be reliable for real, where reliable would be to be the same yesterday, today and tomorrow – that I push and will myself to be stable and directive – and that I do not accept and allow myself to jump into the emotion/feeling wagon to be dragged and moved somewhere that is NOT my intention

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear another judging me as unreliable, because I believe that this will actually make me unreliable – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding, that being unreliable or not, is not about what others think of me, it is about WHO I AM, it is about me standing with the physical, and acting according to what is mathematically best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to be confirmed by another as reliable, not seeing, realizing and understanding, that in a way, this is me trying to escape from, and find a shortcut to real reliability, where I want others to give me this definition, instead of me developing, enhancing and pushing myself to confirm and define myself as reliability, doing it for myself, and seeing that I am in-fact reliable in who I am and in what I do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make my definition of reliable something that is personal to me, something that I am able to have control and direction over, and something that is meaningful to me

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself wanting/desiring to have another see/define me as reliable, I stop myself, take a breath, and bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that wanting another to see, define and view me as reliable is limiting me from actually developing reliability as an expression for and as myself – and thus I commit myself to focus on myself and my expansion/creation/living of reliability – where I focus on creating myself as this word through each time I react, become emotional, or charged with feelings, that I bring myself back here to my body, that I forgive, let go, and create a solution for myself


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Day 436: Too Easy-Going?

Is it possible to be too easy going? Too relaxed? To comfortable?

Throughout most of my life, I have had an easy time to remain calm. When others would go into stress or anxiety, I would usually remain placid. It has not been a skill/talent that I have actively developed, it has instead been with me from birth – even as a baby I was calm and content. And, it is clear that this calm has been a strength many times. However, it has also become a weakness.

I have realized that being calm and content, for me, it lead to creating apathy – which I would define as the characteristic of accepting what is here because it works – and not putting in the effort to establish and create what would be BEST for me instead. Another consequence was that, because I was calm and felt relatively at ease regardless of the situation, I did not develop the skill of actively engaging with my reality – asking HOW I want this situation to play out – WHAT would be BEST? Hence – I entrenched myself into a observer personality – where I just looked at what was going on instead of ACTING.

Thus, to answer my initial question, YES it is possible to be too calm. If calmness become the modus operandi, a constant, and further, a hiding place, to not have to put in the effort to put myself out there, to create, to actively engage, to actively participate and be a part of molding/creating/shaping my life/reality. Obviously, it is not being calm in itself that is the problem, what I see, is that being calm becomes a problem when I rely on this mode of being to bring myself through any and all situations – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding – that sometimes – other skills/expressions but calm are required to handle life.

Thus, something that I want to create in myself is to be more active and engaged in my life – and one solution that I have seen is the following: When I am in the midst of a situation, where I notice that I am going into observer mode, collapsing into a state of being ‘too calm’, that I take a breath, and ask myself, ‘What is that I want to create in this situation? What direction/movement would be BEST for me?’ – that I hence, as a first step – establish for myself what it is that I want – so that do not flow through the moment as an observer, indifferent to what is going on around me.

And this is a way of approaching situations that I can start to practice equally in moments when I am not retracting myself into an observer mode. For example, when I get to work in the morning, and I am about to begin my day, I see that it would be supportive for me to stop for a moment, to take a breath, and to ask myself how and where I want to go. This will assist and support me to develop drive and precision when it comes to actually creating/building the life for myself/others that I see is BEST.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get stuck in a state of being too calm – where I accept and allow my environment and my life to go without direction – and be less than best – because I am comfortable and at ease with things being half way best – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push and practice this voice within me of asking WHAT IS BEST? And then to motivate myself to pursue what is best – to not settle for that which works, that which is okay, that which is reasonable, but to in all parts of my life pursue and move towards that which is the best direction and movement

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept and allow what is not best, because it works, instead of pushing towards and pursuing that which is best – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that dissatisfaction, feeling discontent, can be supportive emotions – that assist and support me to break out of my comfort zones and to transform my comfort zones into zones that are best for me and others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not put in the effort and will to make each part and aspect of my life, my own, in the sense that I am actively involved in that part of my life, to create and make out of it, the best that it can be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get stuck in the ‘I am comfortable’ quagmire – where I stop pursuing the best – and creating myself according to what I know is my potential – because my life is easy and I do not feel like changing anything

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be too easy going, too comfortable and too flexible with my life, to the extent where I accept and allow myself to become satisfied and at ease with all kinds of unsupportive arrangements, that are not the best, but that works for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to take a stand, and to make a decision as to what I will accept and allow, and what I will not accept and allow, to develop a relationship with my life, in the sense that I pursue and push for what I know is best – and do not settle only for what works and what is comfortable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not ask myself, what is BEST for me and my life, and the life of others, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to settle for what is comfortable, instead of pushing for what is best

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not work to change that which I am not satisfied with, to not push and will myself to make the best out of my life, and to not accept things as is, only because I am not bothered by them

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself accepting my life to be as is, because I am not bothered by it, even though I know it is not for the best, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I must push myself to make decisions for myself as to what I will accept and allow, and what I will not accept and allow, that it is not enough for things to just be comfortable, thing is, that they should be BEST – and thus I commit myself to push and will myself to bring through what is BEST in each and every circumstance – and not settle for that which works


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Day 435: Changing The Small Yet Significant Points

When I look at what change, revolution, momentum and creation means to me, I see that I have given these words extensive, BIG definitions. For change to be important, it has to be BIG, unless it is a massive movement in the right direction, it means nothing – apparently. I have realized that this way of thinking has many times caused me to glance over what is HERE, taking the opportunities in my life for granted, and not effectively using the opportunities in my life to CHANGE.

The fascinating thing is that change many times is impossible in the big, that is, unless the small has been changed first. Because the big is constituted by the small. Our money system for example is constituted by many, many small/individual human beings, all with their own lives, and all contributing in some way or another to our current way of handling money. Thus, to try and change the big, which in this case would be the money system, and expect it to work, without as well having changed the small, the individual human beings relationship to money, that is not possible. And in my personal life, the same reasoning can be applied. If I want to really contribute to a life that is best on a big, global scale, then I must first walk it in the small. Can I even hope to make a difference in the big, which without a doubt will pose more of a challenge, if I have not even changed the small for myself? No – not possible.

This week I have pushed myself to become aware of the small points in my life and experience of myself that I want to change. It is things like changing how I wake up in the morning, how I walk to work, how I dress for work, how I am with my daughter when changing her diapers, how I am with myself. It is things like how I engage and participate at work, at home, and with friends and family. Do I really move myself, engage and flow as much as I could do, or is there an unexplored potential to be found?

When change is brought back to the small, it is easier to see what points there are that needs direction. If I look at only the big, out there, change becomes cumbersome, uncertain, because, what to change? Where to focus? Where to go? It is so big, where should I direct my attention? While, when I bring my attention back to the small, it is clear what must be changed – because it is right here in front of me – it is easy to see what I can do for myself that would make my life and that are part of my life a whole lot better. And then, what is missed when the focus gets placed on changing the big, is how, when I become and feel better, this will influence the people that I am in contact with in my life.

The small, the apparently insignificant, the points that are taken for granted, that is where change happens – and that is where I have a direct access to self-change. It is in the small moments where I am able to build and work towards creating the big moments, and hence, it is important to remember, that anything big, is made up out small parts.

The solution for myself is the following: When I notice that I am judging my environment/where or with whom I am with – because I feel as if it does not offer the opportunity for change that I want – I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I commit myself to focus on creating and building/moving change in the small and the apparently insignificant – I commit myself to be attentive to all parts in my life – to be attentive and look at the small that I want to change – to recognize these parts and to push myself to change them – and thus – accumulate a change in the big through committing to and changing in the small.


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Day 434: How to Create Better Solutions

When faced with a problem, an issue, a difficulty, a tendency that I have noticed within myself, is that in the effort to correct/change this point, I will use positive, strong and abstract words. An example would be the following: I see that I tend to get angry at my partner for not picking up the dishtowel and placing it where I think it should be. I decide to correct this point and create the following correction: “I will love my partner and respect her even though she wants to do things differently in the kitchen”. Hence, a positive, yet, vague and abstract sentence. Now, what I have come to realize, is that this is a problem.

What is problematic with these types of corrections is that they do not offer a concrete, direct and immediate solution – there is not a set guideline for what to do when the pattern arise – and because of that it is very easy to fall back into old behaviors. Because what does it really mean to ‘love’ my partner in this context? Should I remain quiet? Should I go and give my partner a kiss? Should I look at my partner lovingly and then proceed to simply change the positioning of the dishtowel myself? And what does it mean to respect that my partner wants to do things differently in the kitchen in this particular situation? Should I then respect it, however, still be angry about it?

Vague words creates uncertainty and indecisiveness in the moment of correction, because we do not have a clear image/vision of what we are going to create. In the world system, this mistake can be found in my places. One example is human rights. They do sound lovely; we should respect everyone, and each person is born free and with the same rights as everyone else. Though in practical terms, what do these beautiful words mean? Should everyone then have the same salary? What does it really mean? And because there is no clear and precise structure placed through the words – what happens is… nothing. Since the implementation of Human Rights, next to nothing has happened – and partially – that is because there has not been a structural and specifically defined way forward.

What is important to think about when creating a correction/solution for oneself?

There are a few guidelines that I use when I define a solution for myself – and these I have found to consistently support me to define effective and empowering corrections. Firstly, I make sure that the correction is GROUNDED, and with that I mean that the solution is a physical or mental movement that can be easily understood and acted upon. An example would be, to take a deep breath. That is simple, easy to understand and practical solution. I know how to take a deep breath every day.

Secondly, I make the solution EASY. There is no point in designing/imagining a long and complex set of movements or words that I am to speak, because later in the day, I will forget it anyway. Hence, I have realized that I need something that sticks. I need a catchy solution, a bit like a song that sticks on my brain. One solution I had, when I practiced structure and following through on plans, was to each time I noticed that I wanted to veer and digress from what I was doing, to say: ‘No, focus’ – and then I turned my attention back to the project I was doing.

Thirdly, I push myself to have the solution be SPECIFIC. The solution should be complete and finished, precise, in what I am supposed to do, when and how – when the moment comes and the correction must be applied – there should not be anything more to consider – but simply to apply.

Thus, GROUNDED, EASY and SPECIFIC, these are three guidelines I use when creating and defining solutions for myself, and they have assisted and supported me a lot in defining supportive ways for me to live and correct inefficient living patterns.


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Day 433: Chasing Self vs. Self-Creation

I listened to this interview a couple of days ago: Chasing Self vs Self Creation – Atlanteans – Part 476 – and it was very enlightening. Especially one point opened up within me, and that is making work/career something more than just being about money.

In the interview it is among other things explained that we tend to make work/career all about money. We go to work for the money, we remain in that bubble throughout the day,  ‘working for money’ – and then – we eventually get home and feel as if we have ‘wasted’ our entire day because it has just been about money. However, it is suggested to make work something more – not only about money – but to utilize the office, the job, to grow and expand living skills, expressions, applications, to not accept and allow work to be only about survival.

I myself recently acquired my degree, and I have only been working full time now for about two years. However, I have already seen how work have weighed down upon me, become a problem, something that I am ‘forced to do’ and that my only escape are the weekends and the occasional vacation. And I see that this is a big problem for many. It is not uncommon for people to feel depressed, sad, bored, unsatisfied with their work and having to spend time in the office. Hence, changing who we are in relation to work, that will have a big effect in our lives, because working, that is something we will spend most of our time on. Hence, it makes sense that we should make work something supportive, something that assists us to grow, expand, and become MORE.

How am I then able to change my relationship to work so that it becomes a time where I can grow/expand/accumulate my process of self-creation?

What I see is that I can use my work to practice planning, structuring and to make sure that I follow through on my commitments. I can practice precision, specificity and attention to detail, by for example, making sure that I am focused and HERE in what I am doing. I can push myself to interact, to develop my social skills and learn to communicate clearly and effectively. I can develop movement, direction, leadership and decisiveness. I can practice placing myself in the shoes of others and learn to see the world their way, hence, live empathy, understanding and compassion. And I can investigate being fearless, having self-confidence and self-trust.

My work offers a multitude of opportunities – though I have to be HERE to see them. And I must make sure that it does not become about CHASING other than what is here in my life at the moment. It is never about something more, living life effectively is about creating and moving forward with what is already HERE. Thus, instead of looking forward to what is next, my main practice should be to ask myself: ‘Okay, what can I create with what is already here? How can I use the resources at my disposal to expand and live my full potential?’. And really, is chasing something more, not but an excuse to actually LIVE here fully?


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Day 432: Success, It Is About Starting

Yesterday I read a great blog on the topic of success called A New Dimension of SUCCESS, in which a cool definition of success was brought forth:

Success lies not in how much you have accomplished, but in the fact that you have done something, experienced the process, and begun to learn something

This definition of success does not target material wealth, the result, rather it is about ACTING – and I find that empowering. I have many times feared walking into new ventures and directions, because I suspected I might not be able to make them successful and worth my effort, and due to this I have stopped myself from having new experiences. And I have also seen how I evaluate past projects on the basis of how much wealth I was able to produce, or time I was able to save, or how much attention I received from others, or how close to my initial goal that I came. The problem with evaluating my projects through such quantitative measurements is that I will miss MYSELF within all of them, and miss that, regardless of the outcome, I actually walked a process, I did something, and if I look closely, I will see that I learned something as well.

Defining success as the actual decision to DO something, that supports growth and movement, it supports courage and direction, it supports creativity and inventiveness – it is a EXPANSIVE definition – where the goal is the PROCESS, the JOURNEY, the DECISION, and not the actual outcome in itself.

However, there is something missing from the definition, and that is the point of OTHERS/EXISTENCE. Because, there is more to this life than myself, and real success is only real when everyone benefits. The principle of what is best for all is a essential component in success, for success to be substantial and worthwhile.

Thus – I would like to change the definition above to the following:

Success is the ACT of moving myself to accomplish a goal/direction/project that benefits/supports life in some way, and it is also my EXPERIENCE of the creation process, and it is what I LEARNED through doing it

With this redefinition of success, what is accentuated is the point of making sure that my direction/project/goal actually brings through some sort of value/support in life – if what I do is harmful/self-interested only based on what I want with no regard for another – its not SUCCESS. Further, with this redefinition, the process of creation is placed in the limelight – what is important thus is the MOVEMENT – to actually do something – to not let it remain on a idea level. Ideas/projects/potentials – they are meant to be EXPLORED and MOVED. Hence – if there is an idea – and I want to bring it through – then next point is to PLAN and then DO – it is as simple as that. And – regardless of the outcome – there will be things I have learned, an experience that I can take with me – and that is SUCCESS as well.

For those interested on further perspectives on SUCCESS I suggest listening to the following interviews:

Failure and Success – Reptilians – Part 571

More Dimensions of Failure and Success – Reptilians – Part 572

Practically Working with Failure and Success – Reptilians – Part 573


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Day 431: Success Continued – Bringing In Others

After writing on the subject of success, and after reading a couple of blogs online on the subject, I have come to see that generally speaking, we tend to exclude one very important aspect/dimension in our definitions of the word SUCCESS – and that is – OTHERS/EXISTENCE.

Because, success is obviously not real if our definition of success is somehow excluding or even impeding on the lives and freedoms of others. An example would be SUCCESS in relation to money. If our definition of success in relation to money implies that we are going to earn a lot more money than another, have the nicest things, and a super luxurious house, with cleaners, nannies, personal drivers, etc – have we then considered how our definition of success impacts earth, the environment, others, and how, for us to be filthy rich, another must be filthy poor and ready to sell their time and energy to us so that they can survive? Hence, success, in its absolute sense, must include EVERYONE and it must include EQUALITY. There cannot be real success, unless it is a success for everyone.

It is easy to forget that we live in this world TOGETHER with others, and that our lives, our values, our actions, our thoughts, our presence, it impacts, it resonates, it creates, it ripples – nobody is an island – and hence – when everyone is successful – we are successful. Thus, it makes no sense to separate success and see it is something that can only be achieved on a individual basis. And seen this way, the question that opens up is the following, but are we even able to compete about who is the must successful? If real success is about the well-being, growth and expansion of ALL, then can any one singular person be successful while the rest is not? At least in the sense of material wealth and growth, that is not possible to be attained alone.

Real success entails not only progress and accomplishment for myself, but for everyone. Hence the importance of sharing myself, and making sure that my process of creating success does not become only about myself, but something that I push and walk into the world as well – through giving as I would like to receive – through seeing where I am able to place myself, where I am able to make a difference, and then doing that which is needed for success to manifest in its absolute sense.


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