Tag Archives: adult

Day 412: Forcefully Happy

Once every week I go to swim with my daughter together with other parents. We meet up, sing songs, swim together, and the kids learn to become comfortable with water. All in all, it is supportive and my daughter enjoys it. During these moments I made some interesting observations of parent-child relationships. One thing I see in many parents is the tendency to want to present themselves to their children as happy, positive and slightly mentally diminished. It takes on the form of constant smiling, laughing, talking with high pitched sounds, asking the children questions that we already know the answer to, and in general, behaving towards the children as if both themselves and the children have a limited capability to understand their reality.

I have asked myself, why is it that we believe we need to behave this way when we are with children? Why cannot we be natural, the way we behave with adults?

When I look at myself, and why I sometimes behave in the above mentioned way, I would say it has to do with a sense of inferiority – a belief that I am not good enough as I am – and that if my child is to have a good time – then I have to step up and be this super happy, smiling, laughing, clown type of person. I can also see that there is a belief within me that children are not able to appreciate a sensible, deep and grounded expression – and that they need some speed and energy to get going.

What I have come to realize by getting to know my daughter is that she is a real person – and that even though she does not look like an adult – she is able to perceive and interact with reality with the same depth as an adult. And just like any adult – it is not fair towards her to put up an act and try to be someone that I am not – further – it is not fair to myself. Because how can I create a real and fulfilling relationship with my daughter if I do not allow myself to be genuine? Children might look cute, and they might say things that are innocent and funny – though the depth of their experiences are the same as for us adults. And only because we have a different perspective, a broader view of life – does not make it less real, and it does not make us more than them. We are equals – yet we have different allocation points – and that is important to remember. Because it seems as if many parents forget this and act as if their children are stupid and their experiences are of less weight than that of our own.

What is the solution?

What helps me is to remember that my daughter is equal to me – and that I do not need to pretend to be someone else. I understand that even though she is smaller than me, and I have learned to master the areas of life where she is still learning, that does not make me superior – and in order to bond with her – I have to be genuine and take her seriously. I remind myself that it is not my place to teach, or show her some perfect example of what she is supposed to be later on, I am in her life to be a support, a guide and someone she can rely on – and to do that effectively – I have to stand as her equal. In practice – I push myself to speak with my normal, grounded voice – and I use adult words. I approach her experiences as real – and thus I take note of her and make sure that I communicate with her to find solutions – and I do not force my way only because I perceive I see what is the ‘right’ way.


Day 340: Acceptance

Acceptance, generally speaking parents tend to teach children that this is something to be found externally. And sure, in some aspect they are correct, in the sense that our environment can either accept or reject us. The question however, is whether this form of acceptance that we try to win from people is real. What do I mean by real? With real, I mean that this acceptance is substantial, trustworthy, consistent, that it is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. Obviously, it is clear that the acceptance we gain from people in our external environment is very much conditional, unpredictable and shallow. Not something that we should base our life upon at all.

Acceptance in society is based upon keeping in line with and following certain norms and rules, written and unwritten, and when we do that, we will usually be accepted. However, acceptance is unpredictable, because norms change, an action, even though performed with the intention of being in line with the norms, can be perceived by others differently. Hence, defining self-acceptance in relation to others is a bad idea. If we accept and allow our acceptance of ourselves to be defined by something that is separate from ourselves, we will always be a slave to that point. The solution is unconditional self-acceptance.

Now, an interesting point to look deeper into is WHY we do not accept ourselves, but rather pursue an acceptance out there. What I have found for myself is that this issue is caused by a lack of self-value. I have as such not seen myself as being valuable and worthy enough to accept myself, and that hence, to get a sufficient amount of acceptance, I must be accepted out there as well. This is interesting, because this experience indicates that I perceive others to be more valuable, that obviously begs the question WHY? How come I do not see myself as having an equal value to others? How come I believe that the best possible road ahead would be to follow and do what everyone else is doing? Where does this pattern come from?

If we go back and look at our childhood, a common theme is that we as children are not seen as good enough to make our own decisions. Parents constantly meddles with our lives and independence, and very few children are ever allowed to explore this world by their own volition. This creates a conflict within us as young, because in-fact, as children, even though we might look and think differently, we are still very much clear and aware of ourselves and our life. We know what we want, what is good for us, what is bad for us, and who we are. However, that awareness is mostly disregarded and shunned by the adult world, simply because we are children. For me, I can see that this experience, and conflict, of continuously being told to shut up and listen to those that ‘know’ has stuck with me into adult life, and now, it is a more general experience of not valuing myself, and hence, not seeing myself as having the authority to accept myself.

What is the solution to this problem?

Accepting myself is a decision that I can make, and I clearly see that I have the value and authority to make that decision. And in-fact, that authority comes by virtue of being alive, aware, and able to create. I can make a decision as to what words that I am going to live, and there is no valid reason as to why I should not accept myself.

How can acceptance then be lived practically?

An inspiration for me when it comes to living acceptance practically is animals. They are unconditional, and regardless of what they are going, they never look to anyone else for acceptance. Animals do not have peers that they become influenced by, they stand alone, within their own expression, and stick with that, seeing the world without distractions, seeing it purely from within themselves.

Thus, for myself, I see that I can apply acceptance through not comparing myself with others, and stopping that process of thinking, where I look at myself, and something I have done, through how I believe that I look in the eyes of others. Instead of comparing myself, and placing my focus on others, I will push myself to bring my attention back HERE – and ask myself – WHO AM I within all of this? HOW DO I want to experience myself within all of this?

And another point that is also important and that I must remind myself of – is that acceptance is a decision. Self-acceptance is not something that will simply come one day, it is a decision made here, a word that is lived and applied HERE, a process of creation walked in the moment – and thus it is completely up to me whether I enable myself to live self-acceptance or not.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not valuable enough to decide that I will accept myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I do not know how to accept myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot accept myself because acceptance must come from the outside

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that self-acceptance does not exist

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be nice to others and be compliant to be accepted

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to comply, yield and give in, and change myself, so that I will be accepted by others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to comply, yield, and give in, and change myself, so that I will be accepted and liked by others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lie to myself, and immediately try to please others without looking within, as to whether it is something I want to do, or that I am able to do, because I fear not being accepted by others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making mistakes, and judge myself for making mistakes, because I believe others judge me, and others do not accept me anymore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear disappointing or vexing another by not agreeing with them, or by showing them that I have done what they expected of me to do, and thus lie in order to make sure that I am still accepted by them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define acceptance as more than me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that acceptance is something that must be given to me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that self-acceptance is something that will come by me being liked by others and accepted in my environment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that self-acceptance is something that I must gain by being nice and having many friends and a stable life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that self-acceptance is something that I get through my job

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that self-acceptance is something that I get through having money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a mental and emotional melt-down the moment when I believe/think that people are against me – that they are seeing me as a burden and as someone that compromise their physical living

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself searching for self-acceptance in my external reality, I take a breath, I stop myself and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand, that self-acceptance is something that I must create here by myself – and that I cannot ever get this through acquiring the liking of others – thus I commit myself to trust myself – to actively develop self-acceptance through stopping judgment and practicing understanding myself and finding solutions to problems

I commit myself to find solutions that problems and issues that I face – to not judge myself – but instead look at what I can do to change the problem and to find a way forward where I learn and expand and take something with me


Learn more about this way of living:

Day 232: Being Super-Serious About Life

Being Super-Serious about life – isn’t that something we tend to become, as we grow older? At least I can see that this has happened to me in many ways, though primarily with regards to survival, future, career and money – and thus – in this blog I’m going to open up the mindset/character of approaching opportunities, life, and self-creation in the world-system from within a state of being serious.

The definition of the word serious is:

1 demanding or characterized by careful consideration or application

2 acting or speaking sincerely and in earnest, rather than in a joking or half-hearted manner

3 significant or worrying because of possible danger or risk; not slight or negligible

Interestingly enough a synonym for serious is grave (which has a secondary definition of being a burial ground) – and sounding the word serious, what comes through is SEAR-I-US – and the word sear means to burn, or scorch the surface of something with a sudden and intense heat. Thus, from my perspective, and the way I’ve lived the word serious, is through being overly cautious, and anxious about the future, economic prospects and career decisions – I’ve seldom made a decision for my future without being strategic and with long-term goals in my mind – knowing already when I start out what kind and type of results that I want to achieve.

b108344124fdc0532173cb2a2e763be75930828dHence, I’ve lived the word serious as a form of coping mechanism to deal with an underlying anticipation – that in any moment – at any time – something really bad might happen, and unless I spend each and every second preparing myself for that, making sure that my future is meticulously planned out – then it will occur – and I will stand in the midst of the shit not knowing how to direct myself.

Within the way I’ve lived seriousness, I do see that there are some cool, and practical dimensions – it’s obviously common sense to be well-prepared, have foresight and be strategic about decisions – though at some point this application can go overboard, and when it does, the consequence that comes through is stagnation. Because when making a decision to step out into the world, to create, to bring through a change in someway or another, there is always that point of uncertainty, that point of insecurity, which is completely natural since we do exist in a world that in it’s very essence is unpredictable, uncertain, and changeable.

Thus, because the world is not able to be fully predicted, at some point planning becomes an excuse to not take action – and that happens when we avoid moving ourselves with the opportunities that open up, because we experience a sense of fear in not being able to have complete control, and direction over what might open up. Hence, in order to live the word seriousness in a balanced way, two other words must be considered, and those are adventure, and playfulness.

When we don’t know what might come of a decision we’ve made, we’re in-fact walking into the unknown, now instead of remaining in seriousness, here is where we’re able to apply adventure and playfulness – seeing, realizing and understanding that facing and learning something new can be an adventure, something exciting, and fun – something that paves the way for self-expansion and self-movement. Within approaching something new, there is room for playfulness, because when something is new, untried, and untouched, there is opportunity for experimentation, room for finding the best way, room for challenges, and seeing what can be done. Thus, here seriousness isn’t needed – now when the plan is set up, and all points that can be considered have been considered, it’s time to move into the plan and create it – and to do that effectively we require to be responsive, flexible and playful = go on an adventure.

So, we should ask ourselves when something new comes into our world, who should I be in relation to this point? Fearful, uncertain, doubtful, or see it as an adventure, embrace and walk into the unknown – and allow ourselves to enjoy the process of discovery that takes place each time we move ourselves into uncharted territory. Obviously, embracing and walking into a change with a sense of adventure and discovery is the most rewarding – because it allows for expansion and development – expressions that can’t come through if we continuously hold back our own momentum with a skeptical seriousness.

Thus – it’s time to let go of our adult-mindset and allow the child within to come through and explore – because without the process of discovering – we’ll never discover what’s actually possible.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear approach life, opportunities, challenges, and decisions that I’ve made, within playfulness and a sense of adventure – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto a state of seriousness, and attempt to approach all things, aspects, and dimensions of my life within being serious, and trying to have each and every little detail planned out beforehand, not seeing, realizing and understanding that this isn’t how things actually work – that I can’t have everything planned out – because in this world thins will emerge unpredictably – and instead of fearing this – it’s far more effective to walk into it with excitement and joy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get stuck in the adult mindset of seriousness, looking at life from within and as survival, and approaching opportunities, and new aspects of life from within and as a starting point of skepticism, and apparent realism – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when I approach life from this perspective, I’m in-fact severely limiting and holding myself back, placing this label over my life, with rules, regulations, and limitations, not realizing that life, and self-creation could be totally different – if I instead accept and allow myself to walk into the future, to walk into self-creation, from within and as a starting point of playfulness and with a sense of adventure

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not approach my future, and decisions that I’ve made, that I’ve planned out, and carefully constructed, from within and as a starting point of adventure, and playfulness – to see, realize and understand that I’ve now lain the ground-work through research and preparation, and that now it’s time for me to step out and walk my plan into action, and that is a process that can’t be fully predicted, it must be walked from moment to moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not challenge myself to walk from moment to moment, and realize, that when I do have the backdrop of a plan, when I do have a outline defined for myself, there is really no need to be serious, and overly cautious about the future – because the fact is that I can deal with such points as they arise – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to walk into my future – and into my life – and into what is to come – and within that apply playfulness and looking at the unfolding of my creation as a adventure

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become overly cautious with regards to creating my future in terms of career, job, money, employment, and similar points – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand to what extent that I’m limiting myself when I look at those aspects in my life from this very stiffened, and graven starting point – viewing them as burdens that have to be fulfilled – instead of seeing the potentials that exist – widening my view – looking up from this experience into the physical world that is here – and pushing myself to work with what is here – to apply myself within what is here before – to utilize what is here in my life bring myself and my life forward

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that as a child, I did have that innocent and unconditional approach towards life, where things wasn’t just a burden to be fulfilled, but it was an adventure to be experienced, to be created, and to be lived – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take that stance in relation to my life again, to see, realize and understand that regardless of what point I’m walking into – that there is this potential of walking into it with a sense of joy, adventure, and playfulness – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this is in-fact the solution for me to be able to do – create – and form a life form myself that I would truly enjoy and find rewarding, challenging, and demanding – which is what I desire and want to have out of life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the solution of creating a life for myself that really challenges me, and where I expand – is to move through the experience of uncertainty and resistance towards new things, towards new opportunities, new points of creation, new worlds, and words to open up – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself the gift of pushing through these fears, and putting myself out there to experience life – as well as experience myself and my potential and ability to create and bring my vision into life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand – that life isn’t going to wait for me to feel prepared – and rather life is here and it’s a decision that I’ve to make to walk into it and really take up the challenge of creating myself in this lifetime – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make that decision – to not put myself out there – to challenge myself – and place me into the zones and positions where I don’t feel particularly comfortable – because I see, realize and understand that it is in those positions and stances that I will expand – grow – and develop within and as myself

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I am holding back from moving and directing myself, taking action and living my plans and decisions, because I feel a sense of anticipation, and I can’t really predict what is going to happen, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that there is a time for planning, yet then there is a time for action, and walking out into the system, and creating myself, and this is where I’m at now – I require to breathe and walk out into the world system and create myself and my life – do that which I see is necessary to be done

When and as I see that I am holding myself back in anticipation, expecting the worst, and trying to solve this by planning every single minute detail – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I’m limiting myself, and that by pushing through this anticipation, and expectation of the worst, and actually placing myself out there, moving myself – I will expand and grow – because I’m going to face new challenges – new dimensions of life which will require me to be on my toes and question myself – and develop an effective character for dealing with the point; thus I commit myself to actively push myself through anticipation, and it’s cousins postponement, and stagnation, through putting myself out there – through working with the resources that I’ve at my disposal and not accepting and allowing myself to wait for everything to be perfect before I begin

FAQ Will I have to pay for the daycare/nursery of my child? Does a daycare/nursery still exist?

In an Equal Money System you won’t have to pay for anything, ever again – all that you require and need in order to live a fulfilled and effective life, will be there, supplied for you, unconditionally – that is in living action the benevolence and support as principles that the Equal Money System is based upon; in short – what is best for all, will be available to all – regardless.

As such – if it’s best for all that a nursery and daycare still exist – this will be available. As I see it – the daycare is a cool place for a child to spend time in, it’s fun to meet other children, and it’s exciting to play and have fun in the supportive environment of nurses – that are able to watch over, and socialize with the children.

Currently, most parents place their children at a daycare, and nursery due to the fact that they have to earn money each day, and spend several hours at work – this will not be so in an Equal Money System, because here you’ll not need to anymore fight, struggle, and spend your time slaving away at a job – as all that you need to live an effective and fulfilled life will be supplied too you unconditionally – you won’t anymore need to earn your right to live – your right to a fulfilled and complete life-experience will be here as a fact simply because your born.

Thus, children will spend more time with their parents instead of being at a daycare or nursery – yet the nursery and daycare will still exist as a center of interaction and socialization between children, as well as parents – where newly made parents can meet and discuss their experiences and learn from each other.

Further – the nursery can exist as a place of education to the parents, where nurses or daycare personnel, as people that truly enjoy and live to express themselves together and with children, are able to share their insights and realizations in regards to how to effectively support children – the daycare will be as a point of coming together for both children and parents, wherein all can have fun, interact, and have a good time together.

Though, nursery as a place where you dump your children, to get to be alone at work, won’t anymore exist – parents will now have time to be parents instead of slaves.

As such the children, as well as the parents, will truly be supported and assisted to develop a cool relationship with each-other, and at the same time expand and grow themselves to become more fulfilled and worthy beings – truly satisfied with themselves and the life that they lead; as beings that are in-fact living self-perfection in every breath, expressing themselves as life as who they are.

Why do parents fear the future of their children?

Why do parents fear the future of their children and what can be done to make the parents the foundation of a world that is best for all?

If I were a parent, looking at my child as he came of age, making he ready to explore the ‘grown up world’ – my main fear would be that of my child not being able to support himself financially in this world. I would also fear that my child were to emotionally break down or be dealt with some really tough cards in life – such as drug addictions, jail sentences, abusive relationships, or some life-altering accident. I would in essence fear that my child somehow, someway would fuck up and turn his life into hell.

Now, these fears are fascinating to look at from the perspective of the parent being the teacher and the programmer of the child. Because if a parent would have any of the above-described fears in relation to his child’s future, then this would mean the parent doesn’t trust the training given to the child. The parent knows that the child hasn’t been effectively prepared to take on and stand self-independent and self-directive in the world – but that there is a high risk that his/hers life will turn out a fuck-up. Many, many children, no, all children grow up to be adults that live fucked up lives – following their desires, likes, preferences, dislikes, fears and anxieties – walking a path of ensuring their own survival, which is a dangerous path that it’s easy to fall off.

Is then the reason as to why parents fear the future of their children? Let’s ask ourselves the following question to see if that is the case. If a parent knew that his child was effective, stable, unwavering in his application of living – would the parent then fear for the child’s future? I know that I wouldn’t, if I was a parent, because I would be certain that my child could deal with any situation arriving to be faced, take effective decisions based upon mathematics instead of a reactive and stimulated one’s, based upon fear or desire. My child would in-fact live in reality and be able to deal with reality. What would there be for me to fear?

Obviously I would probably still fear that my child was to have some kind of accident or unexpected sickness – as this would mean my child wouldn’t be able to support itself with money. So, all fears wouldn’t be removed through knowing that my child was an effective life participant. To remove these types of fear we would need to implement a system based upon equality with equal support and assistance given to everyone. Then survival would be re-assured no matter what and the parent would finally be able to let go of his worry as to his child’s future.

So, what can be done to have the parent develop and realize his ability to be an effective teacher and guide for his child? The answer is very simple. The parent must first become a teacher and guide for himself and remove the self-defeating patterns that hold the potential of destroying a cool life. These are the patterns that, if they are not removed, will be transferred to the child and as such be apart of his education.

Parents must thus become strong, self-independent, self-reliant, benevolent and humble human-beings, living not from the starting point of energy as thoughts, feelings and emotions – but instead from the starting point of mathematics, accumulating what is best for all in every breath, and as such showing their child a practical example of living perfection. Living perfection you won’t ever get into situations or experiences that doesn’t support you or those in your world – because you are not self-deluded anymore, but instead a physical being, taking decisions without blinds covering your eyes, an effective human being.

Thus – if you are a parent, or a child – it doesn’t matter – join Desteni I Process and start your journey towards perfection, wherein fear will disappear, as you will stand self-directive in your life, within the principle of what is best for all. This how we create and place a foundation in this world that will have the outflow of heaven on earth – join us!