Tag Archives: anxiety

Day 428: Changing Competition

I have now been back at work for a couple of weeks, and one point that has opened up, which has not been present during my vacation, is competition. I have noticed that I compete with my colleagues in many respects, and most of the the time I am competing for attention/recognition/praise from a superior.

This week I have actively challenged my tendency of becoming fearful/anxious/judgmental when I receive criticism by my superiors at work. Usually, I would react in fear, stress or anxiety, and then go into a judgment, and then try to improve that particular aspect of my work so as to not repeat the same mistake again. The way I have challenged this behavior is to, instead of looking at how to change/improve my professional skills to avoid criticism, I look at and push myself to find the core problem and issue within me that is responsible for me making that mistake in the first place.

An example would be how I made a mistake when writing a report at work. My superior came into my room and showed me that I had missed some information. I wanted to go into anxiety and self-judgment, however I stopped myself and instead decided to look at the core issue. What I found was that, at times, I will have this fine feeling/experience that I have missed something, that something is ‘off’, something is not as it should be. The mistake I have done in those moments is that I have brushed that feeling over by saying to myself: ‘No, no, I have done the necessary work, let’s just get done with this now’. Hence, in-fact forcing myself to move forward, when there is a part of me signalling that I am not completely finished. Hence, I made the commitment to start practicing listening to this fine part of myself that comes through at times, to take it seriously, and put more effort and time into investigating and proof-reading, when I ‘suspect’ that something is not as it should be.

What I could also see, as a core problem, was that I at times, too fast throw myself at a conclusion, because I want to get done with it, and because of that, I make unnecessary mistakes, when I could have avoided that mistake through a bit more of research, consideration and deliberation – in essence – CALMING myself down and daring to MOVE and DIRECT myself as SLOW as is needed. There is no meaning or sense in rushing something. However, it takes a commitment, it takes breathing, it takes being steady and stable, to move slowly and comfortably, to dare to use my time and invest it into the various projects in my life, and not haste, believing that I will be able to ‘do more’ if I haste.

Thus, instead of competing, I bring it back to myself. Instead of trying to beat others, I place my focus on challenging myself, and ‘beating’ myself – doing better than what I did in the past – and pushing myself to continuously create myself, and move forward, regardless of what it is that I am doing – there is always room for expansion and momentum. And instead of trying to achieve respect and attention from a superior – I make sure that I give these things to myself – earning my own respect through the way I live – and giving myself attention through literally – paying attention to myself and what I am going through.

 


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Day 424: Choosing Clothes

Today I noticed myself reacting to my partners clothes. She was on her way to the store when I noticed a couple of holes in her pants. I became anxious and told her that she should use a different pair of pants.

Afterwards I looked at the situation and why I had become anxious because of the condition of her pants. I could see that it was not really about her pants, instead it was about how other people would see my partner, and how that in turn would reflect back unto me. Subsequently, the fear was related to the fear of other peoples opinions, and that they would in some way, jeopardize my survival.

I have seen that my mother is very much the same way. She is very self-conscious and worried about what others think of her, even though, the thoughts and perceptions of others really does not have that much impact in her life. For example, she is keen on retaining a particular image of herself towards her neighbors, because else… Well, it is this latter part of the fear equation that does not make sense. Somehow the perceptions of others have been linked to survival, and the same fuzzy logic exists within me.

Where does this fear come from? I remember when I was younger and my parents, in particular my mother, stressed the importance of the clothes I wore. I was not allowed to wear soft pants, it had to be jeans, because ‘they look more respectable’. And the issue of clothes was mostly discussed from a starting point of fear and judgment. Its interesting, that I was never asked, for example: What clothes would support you as a being? What clothes would support you to express yourself and expand? What colors would open up your expression? What type of shoes would assist and support your body the most? Such considerations were non-existent – instead – clothes became about survival.

Thus, what I can see is that my survival is not dependent on the perception of my neighbors, and the people in the local store. I can walk to the store wearing clothes that I enjoy and feel comfortable in, and the same is true for my partner, without this compromising my standing in relation to survival. Though, at work, the way I dress and look is connected to my ability to earn money and survive, and hence, there it is relevant to be specific and exact in terms of the clothes I decide to wear. Even so, this does not justify me becoming fearful as to the opinions of others. Survival is practical, it has nothing to do with fear – and should simply be a point of logic – looking at what works and what does not – and then aligning myself according to the best possible way of movement.

Secondly, I see that its important for me to redefine my relationship with clothes, and to not accept and allow fears and anxieties to determine what clothes I wear, and how I see/look at the clothes of my partner or my child. The primary purpose of clothes is to support the human physical body and protect it from the various elements of this earth. Then, according to the context, clothes can have a variety of purposes, and hence, it is important to look at the context, look at what is here, before making decisions.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become fearful, anxious and worried that the clothes of my partner will trigger other peoples reactions, and that they are going to think badly of my partner, and that this in turn will reflect badly on me – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience fear and anxiety that these judgments might in some way make it difficult and hard for me to survive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my survival is dependent on the positive reactions of people in my environment – and that I need to be ‘liked’ to survive – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this is an idea that I have created in my mind, and that it does not make sense, in-fact, because in reality, in the physical, my income, my survival, is not directly related to what other people thinks of me – rather – it is related to my skills, my intellect, my ability to handle myself, follow instructions, process information, and work together with others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fearful of others, what they think, how they see me, that they will judge me, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make me inferior and less than, to hide myself in inferiority, to hide myself in isolation, to hold myself back, so that I will not become visible to others, and that I hence will not become judged – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it is not a solution, that it is not a valid way of handling myself and my movement in life, to hide away, to try to escape from the eyes of others, as this will not assist and support me to move and do what I require to do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fearful of what others think of me, and hold myself back, hide myself, shut myself down, censor myself, so that I will only portray and image outwardly that I am certain will be accepted by the people in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the opinions of others and judgment of others are directly related to my survival – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that it is more about context – more about where I am – and that in some contexts – the opinions and judgments of others means nothing at all – and hence I should not accept and allow myself to change and alter myself in such contexts in fear of what others think of me – but rather stand with myself and with what I know makes sense and is best for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the judgments and opinions of others, and to fear for my own survival, and to hold myself back, and act according to my fears, in the belief that I will that way survive more effectively, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that this is not the case, and that I am in-fact holding myself back

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider my human physical body, my expression, my process, the context, and all other variables involves in selecting clothes, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only consider my fears, believing that my fears are real, believing that my fears are the most important point to consider, not seeing, realizing and understanding that there is so much more

Self-commitment statement

When and as I see myself becoming fearful and anxious that the clothes I wear will be judged by others, or that the clothes my partner wear will be judged by others, or that that I resist picking clothes for myself, because I fear what others will think, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I cannot accept and allow fear to decide what I will wear and what others will wear, because clothes is about so much more, and hence, judgments and opinions of others cannot be decisive factor – I will decide what I want to wear because it is best – and act the same with my partner and my child; and hence I commit myself to select clothes according to what is supportive for me and my physical body – and stand in the same way in relation to my partner and my child – the physical and what is supportive is what is relevant – not fear


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Day 423: Moving Physically Instead of With Stress

I now have around one week left on my holidays and that has triggered some stress and anxiety within me, because I feel as if there is so much still to do, so much I still want to get to, so much I still want to participate within. If I follow along with this anxiety and stress, the physical movement/behavior that follows is that I start to act spontaneously and irrational – trying to ‘do things’ as fast as possible, and preferably, as many things as possible. The idea behind this way of living is that I will through that ‘save’ time. Needless to say, usually the opposite happens instead, because I will move around aimlessly, and forget to prioritize, and do the things that are really of importance, and do them effectively and well.

Hence, I find that the solution is to SLOW down, to move with breath, to do the things I do have time to do, and to simply leave the rest for another time. Instead of stressing about the fact that my holidays are soon over, I could instead use the time I have effectively, through remaining stable, and planning, structuring my days, and my time, so that I move, and get done the things, I know are important and relevant for me to direct, and that I might not have as much time for, when I start working again.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to access, and go into, anxiety and stress when I notice that my holidays are soon over, and fear that I will not get to the various responsibilities and projects that I have in my life, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust anxiety and stress, and believe that anxiety and stress will support and help me, that they will guide me, and distrust myself, thinking that I am not able to or capable unless I have some form of energy that comes up within me and motivates and propels me forward

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distrust myself, and believe that if I move myself through the physical, only remaining, and standing as the physical, and not use any anxiety and stress, then I will not do anything what so ever, and I will but become a lazy bum, sitting on my ass all the time – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that its through sanding within and as the physical, and moving as the physical that I am able to take everything into account, and move in a way that is best for all, instead of merely stressing myself ahead, and fast forwarding life, believing that this is going to lead me into a better life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust stress and anxiety more than what I trust the physical – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not develop a deep and intimate – one and equal – relationship with my human physical body – similar to what I had when I was a child – where fear did not control me and move me throughout my day – but instead – I MOVED myself with and as my human physical – and hence I commit myself to move myself WITH AND AS my human physical body – to move myself within physical structure and planning – to look at what requires to be done – and then move to do it – however not overexert myself or become irrational – always remain grounded

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself becoming stressed, anxious and worried because I am not getting done with as many things I think I should, or things are not moving fast enough, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this stress and anxiety is not a help for me to move forward, it is rather what holds me back, because while in it, I become irrational, I become lost in a state of fear, where I start to do things that do not make sense, only to feel like I am moving forward; and thus I commit myself to remain grounded – to stick with structure and practical planning – and to trust myself as the physical – that I will move myself and get things done – maybe not the way I have before in my life – though I will move and direct points until i am satisfied – in the pace of breath


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Day 384: Solving Fear With Structure

I have worked a lot with fear, anxiety and insecurity in relation to work and managed to stabilize myself in many dimensions/areas. However, what is cool, and also challenging about my work, is that I am continuously moving into more expansive positions of responsibility, which then opens up new experiences/dimensions of anxiety, fear and insecurity. I have realized that there are a couple of things that assists and supports me to remain stable at work. Firstly, structuring and planning my work thoroughly assists and supports me to remain stable. Secondly, preparing myself and devoting the time and effort required for me to be fully knowledgeable as to the point I am directing assists and supports me to remain stable. Though, recently with work, because I have been given new responsibilities, it has been more difficult to fall back on my previous tools.

There are primarily two things that builds this pressure within me. It is the fear of making a mistake, mishandling my responsibilities, and facing critique/anger from colleagues and others – and it is the feeling that there is too much, too many responsibilities, and too little time for me to effectively handle them. The latter of these pressure points is not only mind-based – it is a fact that I have little time – and to get to all my responsibilities – it is hence important that I am efficient, precise, prepared and structured – because that enables me to walk through it effectively. The former, the fear of mishandling my responsibilities, is however a mind point, in the sense that, it does not make sense to worry about critique/anger that I might potentially face from others, as it should not affect who I am anyway. Hence, it is these two points, and my relationship to these points that I want to work with. If I am able to stabilize these points – I know that I will be able to work and care for my responsibilities without going into pressure/anxiety/fear.

Thus during the past week I have worked with the word STRUCTURE. Initially I found this word empty and vague. Though, as I considered, looked at, and practiced implementing structure into my life, I came to see that structure is very much practical. Living the word structure is not the same as having routines – because routines does not necessarily have to be structured. In the word structured there is an element of prudence, sagacity and foresight. When something is structured, it is planned, it is considered, it is a plan develop with clarity and understanding. A routine on the other hand is simply something I do because I have done it other times. Structuring my life requires intelligence and self-movement.

I practiced structure through pushing myself to take one day each week, either at the beginning or the end, to plan the week ahead, using ‘to-do-lists’ and basic timetables. This then gave me the opportunity to slow down and look at my work and my home-life from a birds eye-view – which would allow me to prioritize, plan-ahead, consider, refine, and prepare myself for the week to come – so that nothing would come as a surprise. The results of this practice was that I remained grounded and stable throughout my week. When something unexpected came along, I dealt with that, however when that point was sorted out, I would return to the plan.

Another way which I would live structure was to already before I went to take my coffee break, decide on how long it was going to be. I did this because I have a tendency to otherwise, sit at the table, and wait until some of my colleagues leave, and then get up and back to work. However, when I do that, this is sometimes compromising, because I will loose time, that would have been better used working. This, similarly supported me to remain stable, to know what was coming, to know what I was doing, when I was doing it, and how I was doing it.

Hence, structure, a very interesting word, and I have come to see that it is in-fact practical, concrete and very much earthed. Living and integrating structure has however been quite challenging, because I have a tendency to ‘flow out’ into unstructured and spontaneous activity – and although I enjoy this form of expression at times – it is not very supportive to live like this all the time. In other words, it is always supportive to have a direction, though that should not limit me from improvising when it is needed, or I decide to do so, because it is something that I want to experience.

I will continue to experiment with the word structure in the week to come. Will be back with updates.

 


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Day 374: Irrational Priorities

For a while I have pushed myself to take on and develop carpentry as a hobby for myself. In this process I have come up with and walked several creative projects in and around my house, which I have found enjoyable, fascinating and challenging. However, in taking on this hobby, I also became aware of another pattern – that of irrational prioritization and placing an unmotivated amount of value on projects/things/tasks – that in turn creates stress, anxiety and worry.

Irrational prioritization is when something, that when observed in a wider context, is of no real impact, is seen as REALLY important. This happened to me with my carpentry hobby. I would come home from work and be tired, cook food, and then to my great dismay find that I had only a small amount of time left to devote myself to my hobby. Other times I would find that I had no time at all. Because of this I started to feel stress and resentment – stress because I had no time to do what I wanted to do/felt was important for me to accomplish – and resentment – because I felt that my work was stealing all of my valuable time that I could have devoted to my hobby.

However, I realized that I could not continue this way of relating to my hobby – and I saw that there was a misalignment with regards to how I prioritized my time. I looked at the point and saw the following: My hobby, it must be something that I do for and as myself, something where I develop and expand myself, my skills, my application, and where I do so as a moment of enjoyment. Carpentry as such is not something that requires me to complete projects, and there is no need to feel stress when I do not have enough time to apply myself within the hobby during a couple of days.

What is of REAL priority and REAL necessity in my life is in-fact such things as MONEY, FOOD, WATER, CLOTHES, TRANSPORTATION, HOUSING, HYGIENE – if those things are not in place there will be consequences – and thus they are a real of REAL importance – REAL priority. If those points are not aligned effectively, and I do not have enough time to get to them, there is a real problem – however – when I do not have enough time to get to my hobby – that is not a problem – it is not an issue – it is simply me not having the time to commit to my hobby.

Thus – what I have come to see is that a lot of my stress have been based on irrational assessments as to how important certain things are in my life. When I have defined and established the real priority/importance of a task/activity – it has been a lot easier to structure my life and move myself without stress. If I have had to little time to get to all the things I have wanted to accomplish, it has been easy to let go of the points that are of no real consequence – and then continue with my day.


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Day 370: Equal Regardless of Position

I have recently begun walking through a pattern of fear/inferiority/anxiety in relation to superiors at work. It is an interesting point to look deeper into, because it reveals many parts of how I have set up my mind to function in relation to money, status and position. I have come to realize that it is not really about my superiors at all, it is not about the work at all, the entire pattern is showing me something about myself, and how I have dis-empowered myself, and placed the power to live/express in relation to money, the system, career, into some very narrow and specific physical manifestations.

On a superficial level, the pattern tends to play out as follows: My superior will come around, I will experience anxiety and fear, and become held back and less expressive – and I will over-analyze most things my superior say and many times come to the conclusion that what he or she has said has been some form of insult or hidden critique towards me. That will add fuel to the fire so to speak and increase my experience of paranoia.

Where is this fear coming from? What I have been able to see is that I have placed a lot of value and power into my superiors – I believe that they have the power and initiative to give or withhold my access to money, my ability to create my life and my ability to survive – basically that I need them to stand beside me – and to be there for me for my life to work. I have as such projected my own power and authority to make decisions and move myself in my life unto my superiors – which is a serious limitation.

It is not only a limitation, it is also irrational. Because fact is that I do not need my superiors to like me, to stand beside me, to want me as part of their organization, for me to be effective in this world system – for me to be effective with money – for me to be effective within establishing a career for myself. Sure, if I have an effective relationship with my superior it might make things easier, however it will not determine anything, because the determining factor is ALWAYS myself.

I made it through my university education primarily because of myself, the decisions I made and followed through upon, my determination, my consistency, that was what allowed me to pass my exams and get my current job – and thus – I created my own opportunities. It was not my superiors, and the same goes with my current job – I am the one making sure that I continue to develop, expand and move within the settings of my current job – I am the one pushing myself to go further – nobody else. And thus, I see, realize and understand, that the point I must embrace is that I am responsible for my own life and there really is no other authority but myself. I am the author of my life and nobody else.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project power, authority, control and direction unto my superior – and thus believe that I need my superiors liking in order to make something out of myself, to remain stable in my life, to remain consistent in my life and be able to create an effective relationship with money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my own power and authority unto the money system, unto my superior, unto my education, unto my teachers, unto my grades and marks, and believe that it is they/them that control my future and how my life will play out – and that I thus must make sure to please and satisfy all of these various characters – thinking that if I do not do that – it will have severe repercussions – and I will not be able to do anything what-so-ever with my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and recognize my own value, power and authority

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace myself as value, power and authority

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek for someone else to give me a sense of value, and to stand as my point of power and authority – instead me taking on and standing as these points myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my life and everything in it will work out when I am accepted by my superior, when things are going smoothly at my job, when I am seemingly accepted by the current system, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that when I approach life from within and as that assumptive starting point – I am creating consequences for myself – because I am not actively living, directing and moving my life in the direction within which I see that it would best if it moves into – and thus I see, realize and understand that the solution is that I take charge and responsibility for all parts of my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear authority and feel inferior to authority and want to serve authorities so that I can save myself from a bad outcome

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear standing as an authority and to believe that I am not capable of doing that – and that I need someone else to stand that point for me – that I need someone stronger and more apt to be my authority – thinking, perceiving and believing that I am not able to do it for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not valuable enough to stand as an authority in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not strong enough to stand as an authority

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not capable enough to stand as an authority

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I do not have the right to be an authority – that I need someones permission to take up and stand in the role of being an authority in my own life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear standing as an authority in my own life – in fear that I am going to be attacked, harmed, and excommunicated – that I am going to be forced to leave this world and life behind – because other authorities sees me as infringing on their power

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel safe and secure when I am able to have someone else be an authority in my life – because then I can have them make decisions for me – them take responsibility for me – them be the person that I blame if things do not go as I would like them to go – and hence I see, realize and understand, that this is a limitation – and not in the image and likeness of my full potential

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself going into fear and inferiority towards my superiors, I stop myself, take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this fear that comes up within me it is limiting me from interacting with my superior one and equal, in a comfortable and easy-going manner – and that in turn limits me from expanding my relationships – and here I see, realize and understand, that the real problem I have is not about my superiors, it is about me and my relationship with myself, where I have come to define myself and my value according to position, stature and money, instead of me trusting myself HERE within and as my human physical body to live grounded and simple – equal with all others physical expressions – thus I commit myself to remind myself that I am the directive principle of my life with regards to career, money and work – and that these are points that I take full responsibility for and do not push over unto my superior – and I commit myself to breathe and ground myself back into my body – into my point of equality – and then practice interacting with my superior as I would with anyone else – as an equal


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Day 364: Developing Self-Reliance

The most recurring experience as of late has been fear – mostly fear of survival. I have been working diligently with the point and made some notable progress, there is however still a lot to be walked. One aspect of the fear that I have yet to transcend is that of fearing authorities and superiors that in some way have power to effect my ability to survive. Because they are able to influence, for example, my access to money, the fear seems to be justified and reasonable when it arise. Obviously, I am aware that this is not the case, though the fact that this experience exists within me does reveal an interesting point; that there exist a hope/desire to be taken care of and supported by authorities.

If a negative experience exists, which in this case is fear, then a positive experience will exist as well, and in this case that positive experience is security and feeling backed. Hence, for me, authorities have become a means of substantiating my own lack of self-reliance.

Apart from forgiving the fear, the solution I see is to develop self-reliance. For example, that could be done through pushing myself to take active responsibility for my work and career – and not in anyway accept and allow myself to rely upon my employer to secure my influx of money – but to make sure that I am a effective, that my skills are superior, that I am professional and able to offer a service that is needed. Thus I take charge of my own self-creation, planning and access to money, and remove the variable, of needing my employer to stand behind me as a point of security.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely upon my superiors and authorities to handle my life for me – and to blame them when things does not go the way I want – and to feel good and love them when things do go the way that I want – instead of placing reliance back where it belongs – with myself – and thus making sure that I do live in such a way where I direct my life – I create my life – and where it is not about relying on someone else

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of being abandoned and judged by my superiors in fear of loosing my access to money and security, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself, to when I am able to please my superiors, to feel secure, safe and well cared for – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and participate within a polarity in relation to my superiors, and the system, where I on the one hand love it, and on the other, fear it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the solution is to stand equal and one with and as the system, with and as my superiors, to understand that in order to be stable within me, I require to take full responsibility for myself, my future, and my direction, and my actions at work, and to make sure that I am walking and creating my life in such a way that is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to be able to handle my own survival

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want the system to deal with and secure my survival

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am not strong enough, or developed enough, or ready yet to take responsibility for my survival – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek for a parent and someone to care for me in the system – to seek for someone to be there for me and show me the way – instead of me taking full responsibility for myself and the direction of and as my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see and define myself as inferior to the system, inferior to my employer, inferior to survival, and thus believe that I cannot rely on myself, but that I need the system to stand beside me and support me – to be there as a father figure for me because I am not able to do it by myself – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear developing a real and sound reliance within myself – where I do not assume that things will work out and be alright – but where I take the appropriate actions to ensure that I move myself in a direction that is best for me and others in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the system, my superiors, when things do not work out in relation to my survival, when I make mistakes, and fear arise, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding, that I have created the pattern within me, that I have made the decisions and that it has nothing to do with the system, my superiors, my employers – in-fact it is a pattern I have developed where I fear taking active responsibility for myself – and I place my reliance out there into something else

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on money to care for me, to support me, to be there for me, and to make my life secure and easy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on money to make my life comfortable, to give my life direction, to move my life in the ‘right’ direction, to secure my life – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that money is in-fact a dead object – that it is not something that can save me and my future – that is something only I can do for myself – and thus fact is that money is a tool – something that I can use that support myself – however that support will only ever be as effective as I am within myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on money to ensure my future, to rely on money to walk my process, to rely on money to take care of me, to rely on money to make things work for me – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this belief that money will take care of everything – it is just that – a belief – and fact is that real security, real safety, real direction and care will only ever arise from my own decision and movement to stand as and live those words actively within and as my life

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself going into either a fear or desire towards money, within the context of the belief that money can care for me, money will solve all problems, money will support me, money will ensure security and safety, I take a breath, I stop myself, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this is an illusion that I have created for myself – that in-fact money is only as effective as I am within myself – and that if I am not clear – stable and directive – then money will not support me – and thus I commit myself to take back directive principle – to take charge of myself and my life and actively move myself to care for myself, to solve problems, to support me and to develop security and stability in my life – as who I am – and more concretely – I commit myself to do that through continuously pursuing to make the best of my life – to look for and act on opportunities when they do arise – to push my writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application and my in the moment correction – to develop a stability that stands through the difficult times

When and as I see myself going into either a positive or a negative experience in relation to an event to concerns my superior, as either feeling safe, secure and cared for, or feeling that my survival is threatened, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this polarity within me indicates that I have not yet developed self-reliance and self-standing within me – in particular in relation to survival and money – and that I still want someone to care for me – and thus I commit myself to stop – to breathe and bring me back here – and instead – in the moment – look at how I am able to improve, expand, develop myself and move – how I can learn from mistakes to become more efficient in survival and moving myself in my reality – and what I can further strengthen and improve that already works – to thus take active charge of my self-development and utilize my failures and successes to guide me forward and to improve myself

 


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