Tag Archives: assist

Day 309: Learning Cooperation

Since childhood I have experienced a resistance towards helping others when they ask, especially if I am at that moment doing something that I enjoy. For example, I might be sitting down writing, or playing guitar, and then someone comes into my room and asks me if I am able to run an errand for them. I will experience resistance in that moment; and usually what happens is that I will tell the person ‘not now!’ – and then continue doing what I am doing.

This way of approaching favors, and services has its roots in my childhood. When I was young I had many experiences where I would sit in my room, back then, primarily playing video games, and my parents would come storming in, often irritated, and demand of me that I do some form of chore in the house – and if I did not do it immediately they would threaten to turn off my computer, and sequester it until I do. These events were traumatic for me, because I would in one moment be sitting with and enjoying myself, then in the next moment everything would change and instead I would be demanded to do something I did not particularly want to do – NOW; and this created an experience within me of feeling invaded.

Now, I am soon thirty years old, and still I experience this feeling of being invaded the moment someone enters into my life and, while I am busy with other stuff, asks me to do something. And another interesting thing is that I will most of the times believe that they want me to do something NOW, while they sometimes do not have a specific time in mind.

I have realized that this pattern and experience of feeling invaded each time someone asks me to do something for him or her must now be directed. It influences me not only at home, but also at my work, where I will feel slightly aggravated and annoyed with each assignment or task that is added to my plate. It is common sense that we all have to do things we do not necessarily like, and that we had not initially planned on doing. Things can come up, and tasks might be proving to be too big for one individual to deal with by himself or herself. There are a myriad of reasons as to why someone would need my help; and it is not an invasion that is happening – it is simply someone asking me to do something for them.

I do not loose myself by for a moment, stopping what I am doing, and then moving myself to do something else, which I might not necessarily want to do, but that I see is important and relevant. I can always get back to what I was doing later on, and if I do have a tight schedule and I am sitting with something that I must get done now, I can communicate this, and then make a plan to help out later on. For communities to effectively work we MUST help each other, I have skills that others does not have, and they have skills I do not have, some are strong, some are intelligent, some are fast, others not, and when we share our skills and time with one another, we create added value for each other. If we only tend to our own interests, projects, and desires, the consequence is that we will limit ourselves. Cooperation is one of those awesome expressions that will add value to everyone involved. Together we can do more than we are able to do alone.

Another aspect of this is that many times what is asked of me, it does not only concern the other person but also me. For example, cleaning the house, this is something that will support me as well. Feeding the cats and making sure that they have sufficient with food and water, this is something that must be done, and it does not matter who does it. Feeling invaded and attacked clouds me from seeing the positive effects that can come out of taking the action asked of me, and how it can influence my world positively as well.

I can conclude that helping each other out is really important, being able to work together is important, and that cannot happen if one of the parties feels invaded every time a favor is asked. However, this does not mean that I should do EVERYTHING asked of me – it is important to make sure that I do have the practical space and time required to deal with my own responsibilities as well. It is not worth it to compromise my own commitments; a solution here would instead be to, as I shared earlier, make a plan and schedule a time for helping later on when this do not compromise my other responsibilities.

Solution

What are then the solutions? I have already touched on them: It would be to stop this experience of feeling invaded the moment it comes up – simply STOP – then to instead listen to what is asked of me, and unconditionally assess whether I am able to, or not, at this time, assist and support. And if I am able to, I have the time, to simply get up and move myself to help, remembering that I will be able to return to what I was doing later on – and that I am adding value to my life and the life of another. If I however do not have the time, then I can schedule one, and also explain to the person why I cannot help them at this moment.

Day 296: Redefining Purpose

Creating my purpose, which is a process I have walked actively for a while now. I have from time to time experienced myself conflicted in this process, and mostly this has been related to the feeling that things are not moving fast enough, that I am not getting through, that I am not getting the feedback, and response I would like. This in turn have caused me to start to doubt the purpose I have given myself, and wonder if I am doing something wrong, or whether maybe walking into the wrong direction.

I have decided to look more deeply into this recurring experience to see where it is coming from. What I have realized is that there is an undercurrent of desire existing in my definition and understanding of purpose, and that the conflict I experience is actually consisting of a polarity of fear and desire. Now, the desire in my purpose, is to reach a state of notoriety, to be famous, known and well-regarded. You know, like an expert speaking on the television, having the loyal followers, being quoted in books, and seen all over the world as a significant figure. An example of that would be Ghandi, or Martin Luther King – the epitome of a supreme and world known leader.

In analyzing and reflecting on this point I have now realized that having, and walking a purpose, is not real, unless that purpose is walked for a greater cause, something bigger than ME – meaning: A point I create and walk in my life because I see it is of benefit to OTHERS – to this WORLD – it is hence me GIVING of myself. Purpose is not about receiving, purpose is not about ME – and this is what I have not fully grasped. For me purpose has been about becoming someone for others so that I can feel purposeful.

And I cannot blame myself for misunderstanding this, because if we look at the world, and how currently define purpose, mostly it is connected to being ‘special’, ‘unique’, having some form of ‘god given talent’ – for example: I have rarely seen someone exclaim that it is their purpose to pick up trash, or to clean horse stables, or take care of weeds. Mostly purpose, on a world system level, is defined as this great feat of human creation and confined to special and heroic human beings that have lived special lives throughout the course of human history.

Hence, I will here relook at my definition of purpose – what is really purpose?

Current definition of purpose in the dictionary

1 The reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists: the purpose of the meeting is to appoint a trustee | the building is no longer needed for its original purpose.

* (Usu. purposes) a particular requirement or consideration, typically one that is temporary or restricted in scope or extent: state pensions are considered as earned income for tax purposes.

2 [Mass noun] a person’s sense of resolve or determination: there was a new sense of purpose in her step as she set off.

Sounding of the word

Pur-pose

Poor-pose

Port-choice

Put-port

Put-purse

Purr-purse

Purr-pose

Peer-parse

Peer-pass

Purr-position

Pour-Pose

The direct translation from Swedish is End-Goal

Creative Writing

In the sound of the word, is the sound PURR – which is the sound cat makes when they enjoy something. When petted, they purr. Then we have the sound pass, purse, or pose – where posing would be a certain position you take.

So, combining these sounds and the meanings of them, we get that purpose is a pose/action/movement we walk which in some way tickles our fancies – meaning – it is something that gets our blood pumping and we purr – we cannot help it – just as the cat cannot help purring when its petted.

And then, the Swedish translation of the word indicates that purpose is also about an END-GOAL – a VISION – something we desire to manifest in this world.

Hence – the question when establishing purpose for myself should be – what makes me purr? What is personal and close to me that I am passionate about – that I can develop and take as pose – a position – in this world? And then – as well – looking at what the END-GOAL – what it is that I want this purr within me to create – how can I – PASS-I-ON this PURR to the world?

Then – we also have the sound combination POUR-POSE – basically implying that something is being poured into a particular shape and form – a pose – a force is being directed to take a particular shape and form. For example, water is being poured into a glass of water, the water then taking the pose of water in a glass.

So, what i see is that purpose is about direction – about guiding energy, and movement. Purpose is a road map for what we do in this world, and do not do – it is the very REASON behind our movement and thus why we POUR our energy/life into a certain POSE in this world.

Redefinition of the word purpose

The reason and vision that moves a point forward

And when it comes to redefining it for the human experience – where focus is on ‘life-purpose’:

The reason and vision which drives me forward to pass it on to the rest of the world

Conclusions:

Hence, when it comes to purpose, it is important to clarify what is the REASON for my LIFE. Meaning, what can I contribute and give the will make a difference and enhance the life, of not only mine, but also the lives of others? Into what POSITION can I pour my life and time?

Then, the VISION must also be established, what is it the I want to create, what is the END-GOAL?

Finally, what is my PASSION? Where and what of myself can I pass unto others that will benefit them? Where are my strengths, my secret powers, those parts of me that I see is needed in the world, and that only I am able to bring; because that is the point which is required for me to take responsibility for – hence – my purpose.

And here it is important to not that passion is NOT an experience. Passion is instead that which I see that I can PASS ON – meaning – that of myself that I see myself giving to the world; as such passion is about giving of myself and not about having an experience.

Day 51: How I’d Like To Be Assisted

Today I am going to look closer at the point of how I’d like to be assisted, and this is so I can more effectively specify the assistance and support that I give to others, so that it’s effective, and in-fact supportive.

So, how is it that I’d like to be assisted?

help-desk-servicesWhat I can see is that I’d like to be assisted without it being about right or wrong – meaning – that I don’t want any form of judgment involved when I am assisted; I would like the other person to clearly, and effectively show me the point – and within this also share with me what it is that I am not applying effectively – and that this is done without any form of energy – and without any judgment of right and wrong.

Another thing that I’d like another to do is to be stable, and calm – and speak with a stable tone of voice – meaning that the other person do not react. I mean – I know from my own experience in life that when someone tries to “assist” me to change through being angry, or resentful – that only cause me to go into resistance, and fear – and then I am not able to actually hear what the other person is telling me because I am too busy surviving; so this is something that I must take into consideration – to not speak, and “assist” from a starting point of reaction – I mean really that is one of the primary points.

I would also like the other person to stand in my shoes so to speak, meaning that he, or she consider where I am within my process, or in relation to the point I am walking; so that the other person do not try to assist me to learn, and comprehend things that are far beyond my ability. I mean – I would like to be assisted, and supported at the level where I am at – because that would obviously be the most beneficial for me; then I would be able to relate to, and apply the information in my world.

So, I like when another “understands” me so to speak – and that the other person do not “assist” me from a starting point of expectation as “you should be able to do this by now!” – but that the other person is instead standing with me, seeing who I am within the point without any reaction – and assisting, and supporting me with gentleness, and stability to move forward on the point.

Another point that I see is important is that if another assists me, I want it to empower me – and not merely help me. I don’t want to become a charity-victim, but instead I want to be given the actual skills, know-how, and expertise to be able to empower myself to deal with my issues myself; thus – I don’t want a guru to follow around to show me how to be “right” – I want to be assisted to deal with points on my own – and thus become self-empowered.

I also want to have breathing-space – meaning that – I don’t want to be assisted and support all the time – I mean – once and a while it’s cool – but then I need sometime to melt the information, and to try it out in my own world – and walk the point; and when I am assisted all the time, constantly, I never get this breathing space to be here with me and walk the suggestions, and the support given to me in my own life.

Thus – this is how I’d like to be assisted – and accordingly this is how I will practice, and in time perfect as my application of how I assist others – oneness and equality in practical application; give as you’d like to receive.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not when I assist, and support another – do so from the perspective of giving as I’d like to receive – and thus ask myself how it is that I’d myself like to be assisted, and supported – and within this align to support others in such a way that is effective, and have a outflow that is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not when I speak, and share myself with others from a starting point of assisting and supporting them – to do so within considering where the other being is in their process, and considering how I am able to speak, and place my words in such a way that will be supportive, and assisting for the other being

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to be specific with my words, and my behavior when I assist, and support another – and to set myself up in such a way in word, and behavior – that I make it easy, and effective for the other being to take in the information I am sharing, to understand the information, and then to apply the information in his/her world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I assist, and support others – be hard, and ruthless – and not consider another as I’d myself like to be considered – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not apply gentleness, and stability when I assist, and support another – and be patient with another, and not react even though the other “doesn’t get it”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire when I assist, and support another – that they are too immediately understand and apply the point I am explaining – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become restless, and frustrated when the other person “doesn’t seem to get it”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want, and desire others to feel assisted, and supported when I speak with them – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not instead focus upon actual assistance and support, that is not a feeling, or experience, but that is a actual physical action – as giving to another as I’d like to receive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see it as a weakness to consider another, and think that it’s more effective to be brutal, and ruthless – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not apply the principle of give as you’d like to receive; because within doing this it’s obvious that it’s not the most effective to be brutal, and ruthless – but instead being gentle, patient, and forthcoming is effective – and that is what I’d want from another

Self-commitments

When and as I am assisting and supporting another, and I see that I am doing this automatically, and without tuning my behavior in such a way that makes for a supportive outcome in the moment; I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here; and I see, realize, and understand that – it’s obviously important to consider others – because unless I do I won’t be able to share my realizations with anyone – because I will not in-fact stand one and equal and be able to talk, and share myself with another directly; as such I commit myself walk the point of give as I’d like to receive when it is that I assist and support another

When and as I am speaking with another, and I see that I am speaking from a starting of “I am sharing myself so you better listen” – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this is not a supportive starting point to use when assisting and supporting another, because one only considers self, and not where the other being is; as such I commit myself to see, and consider the other being – and place my words in such a way that I actually support self-realization, and self-empowerment, and that I don’t have a self-interested agenda that “this is how I speak”

When and as I am assisting, and supporting another – and I notice I am not specific in my words, and behavior – and that I am instead only “going for it” without actually being stable, and clear upon what I am doing; I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that importance of being specific in my words, in my behavior, in my use of tonality, in my use of facial expressions – I mean everything has an impact on the other being – and as such it’s important to align these aspects to what it is that I am doing – which is assisting and supporting another; as such I commit myself to be aware of how I impact another with my behavior, words, tonalities – and to align my expression in such a way that I support other being to become self-empowered, and self-realized

When and as I see that I am reacting to another because they don’t “get it” – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I mean – I see that it’s completely unnecessary to react to this point, because it’s not like someone doesn’t understand me deliberately, and that it will help for me to become impatient, and angry – I mean because the other being will still not understand – maybe even understand even less because now I am not clear in my expression and not able to convey the point anymore; as such I commit myself to be patient, stable, and calm when I explain points – and to not react when another doesn’t understand – but simply align my words, and my expression in such a way that I support self-empowerment, and self-realization

When and as I react in anger, and frustration, feeling, and experiencing that another should immediately understand what I am saying, and being applying the information – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here; and I see, realize, and understand that I mean – obviously everyone learns at different paces and me becoming angry, or frustrated won’t change that – I mean it’s like becoming angry at a rock for the rock being a rock – it’s ridiculous and unnecessary – as such I commit myself to be calm, patient, stable, and focus my attention on breathing effectively – and walk the necessary timeline with another to bring forth a understanding – and not to judge when this timeline extends and becomes longer than “normal”

When and as I see that I am becoming focused upon wanting others to feel that I am good at assisting, and supporting – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this point is in-fact making me loose focus, and attention on the point of actually assisting and supporting another – and so it all becomes about ego instead of in-fact bringing forth life; as such I commit myself to remain here with the physical and walk the point of assisting, and supporting another physically here without any point of ego disturbing me

When and as I see that I am being brutal, and ruthless with another, and that I am justifying this thinking that “this is the only way another can understand” – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that the use of anger, brutality, and ruthlessness as a way to teach, and educate has proven itself extremely ineffective through the course of human history – resulting in human beings that are living in fear of punishment and that have no individual understanding, and motivation, and critical thinking skills – they are in essence slaves without a form of self existing; as such I commit myself to understand that the only way to effectively assist, and support another is through considering, and seeing them within oneness and equality – as such I commit myself to be gentle, patient, forthcoming, perceptive, and receptive – and allow myself to walk the process of assisting and supporting another without stress, without being driven to have a result – but walk breath by breath here

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