Tag Archives: avoid

Day 404: Being Present In The Simple Things

One point I have worked with a lot since being on parental leave is being present with my child. For me it has taken a lot of discipline to accomplish that presence. Children are simplistic and they do not enjoy the same mind entertainment that we adults have gotten used to. I tend to feel that I need sophistication and complexity in my day – I want to be mentally stimulated and challenged. That does not happen with my daughter. She is simple and requires me to be present in her simple exploration of the world – and because that does not stimulate me – I have to push myself to become a part of her world.

A perfect example would be playing. My daughter has toy that is a model of a stable. She loves to play with it. She moves her small toy horses back and forth, in and out from the stable – and she loves having me around. Usually she wants me to take the horse and go out on the track and do some jumps over the miniature barriers. On a mental level – I am not at all intrigued. I know that it is not real horses and I do not have a imagination that can facilitate and make the play entertaining. Hence – I have to be there for my daughter, present in the game, playing, even though I do not experience any desire towards it on a mental level.

It is interesting this word – present – because by pushing myself to be present – I am giving myself to my daughter – a gift. I remember myself from my years as a child that one of the things I desired most was to have my parents be happy, satisfied, present and here with me. There was such moments with my parents, however they were few and far in-between. Usually my parents were caught up in emotions; stress, anxiety, worry, desire, anger, etc. Happy days were unusual. And that is not satisfying. Adults, we tend to put so much emphasis and effort on surviving and creating a living for ourselves, that we forget actually living. We forget that living cannot not based on the prerequisite that everything must be working out in our lives when it comes to survival – because then there will be very little time over for living.

Thus – if there is one thing I want to gift to my daughter, it is myself, being present in her life. And that is also a gift that I give to myself – being present in my own life. I am certain that there is no greater gift than that.

Practically speaking – being HERE is something that I apply in moments of resistance and avoidance towards participating in simple things – such as playing with my daughter. Another example is when I resist exercising, giving or receiving massage. A red flag that I have learned to recognize is when I suddenly desire to do something that entails passive stimulation. I can be sitting with my daughter, drawing, and then this urge comes up within me to check if there are any updates on my smartphone. That is a certain sign for me that I am now at a threshold, the activity is not stimulating me sufficiently, and I feel a need for something more. It feels like I cannot only be here, and only do this, I must do something more. The solution for me in such moments is to embrace the simplicity of drawing – and commit myself to the activity fully – to not accept and allow myself to be partly in my mind and partly in the activity of drawing – but rather – FULLY in the process of drawing.

This is a skill that requires practice to develop. Being engaged and present in the moment is difficult, because there is always so many other things going on – especially in our minds. That is the place that most frequently removes our attention from what really matters. Somehow we believe that what is going on inside our minds is so, so important. And especially if we have a emotion or feeling coupled with the thought. Then we readily give up what we do in the moment and place our attention inside our heads. That is why we have to practice and discipline ourselves. We have to discipline ourselves to be here, present and giving – it cannot happen by itself. My suggestion is to use each day as a opportunity to practice. In the moments of simplicity when you want to escape – push yourself to remain HERE and see what happens. In my experience, those moments tend to hold something to be explored and discovered.


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Day 239: Feeling criticized

Today I am going to open up a physical reaction that came up today as I was barbecuing.

Now, basically, I was standing by the barbeque, tending to the meat – and then another person enters into my environment. This person began to speak, and utilized a piercing tonality, where the words came out almost as punches, and very fast – no pauses and no natural rhythm. The words were in relation to the way I was cooking the meat – and the person had various suggestions as to how I could cook it – and what I should and shouldn’t do. Later on, the person began to share information, lot’s of information, for example historical facts, or considerations, and yet again the tone of the voice had this punch, and almost aggressiveness – and there was a rush in the pace.

As this person spoke I could notice that my body was tensing up, and I started to feel uncomfortable – specifically I noticed how my shoulders tightened and that my neck was bent slightly downwards – and the body shaped as if I was trying to crouch from enemy fire, dodging my head downwards as to not be hit. I also felt uneasy in my arms, I didn’t feel comfortable having them in any position, I didn’t know where the put them.

The thoughts I had about this person was judgmental in nature – I judged this person as speaking to fast, as being in energy, as being critical – and the way I responded physically was that I became more quiet, and I didn’t return to communication – the reason being that I felt forced to speak/agree/communicate in a certain way – and so not speaking was my way of trying to get back in control of the situation.

I can also see that I judged this person as being abusive, and not caring for his environment, and those around him – that he was all absorbed with himself, his own words – I can also see that I judged him as being smug and full of himself – pretentious and self-centered.

So – this event shows me a lot about myself – and what I can see is that this person is actually revealing many characteristics of my own, though I have them more on the inside – more repressed and hidden from the world – because I can see that I will in certain situations approach others within a smugness and pretentiousness – where I see myself as better than another. And equally will I at times speak in this almost aggressive, punching voice tonality – where each word is charged with a energy of rushing – trying to speak as much as possible in the shortest amount of time possible. Hence I can learn A LOT from this individual.

In the following I will apply self-forgiveness on the various reactions that I had towards this individual and direct the point utilizing self-commitment statements.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience resistance towards person X when he is my surrounding area – because I perceive that X speaks aggressively, in fast paced bursts of punching energy – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take this personally, to react and to feel as if I am threatened or diminished, and that I require to protect myself around X – through either talking back or cowering and hiding from these, what I perceive to be, attacks

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame X for making me feel attacked and aggressively treated, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the solution to this problem is that X leaves from my life, or that I shove him away, and do not interact with him anymore – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this is not a solution, and not a effective way of directing the point, but rather a form of escapism – where I want to escape myself, and how I experience myself, through blaming my experience of myself unto another

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame X, and believe that it’s his fault that I experience myself as attacked – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in the back of my mind think that he’s rude, that he is not pleasant to be around, that he’s not a very nice and courteous individual – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame X for the way he is expressing himself – instead of seeing, realizing and understand that the very fact that I have these reactions within me, indicates that I do have the same issues and behavioral patterns as is the case with X

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel threatened by X, and when X is speaking – take a stance within myself as if expecting the worst, and believing that at any moment, I will be vehemently attacked – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself around X and not express and share myself fully – but only reveal so much of myself that I believe is safe – and that I believe will not cause any major, bad and negative experiences for me, where I am going to feel hurt

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge X as being insensitive, and brutish, and without the ability to see how his words is affecting his environment – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto blame towards X, and feeling as if X has been, making my life more difficult than what it has to be, and has contributed to me feeling attacked, and criticized – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand – that the fact I am reacting this – shows that I am also accepting and allowing this type of program in my mind – where I accept and allow myself to not be sensitive to how my words influence and affect my environment – and where I instead just speak for the sake of speaking with no effective consideration and support for another

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge X as being smug, pretentious and full of himself – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to person X –and want to remove him from my world, believing that each time he comes into my world, he will make me feel bad, start sharing information, and facts with this superior body language, and tonality, and try to make himself more than me – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am also accepting and allowing this very program to exist within me – and that person X is in-fact revealing to me how I am not yet effectively standing with regards to me approaching people, and situations, and sharing myself without ego – and without trying to impress upon others how effective I am with knowledge

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it is obviously completely meaningless to judge X, and to try to push him out of my world – because the fact is that X is representing and showing parts of myself that I’ve not yet wanted to recognize and see – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that through interacting and being together with X I will be able to establish for myself where and how I exist as these patterns myself – and thus effectively work with my reactions of judgment that currently clouds my eyes – where I instead of seeing myself clearly – judge and suppress parts of myself that I don’t want to recognize

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it’s actually from the persons that I resist the most, and that I have the most reactions towards, that I am able to learn the most – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that instead of viewing my reactions towards X as a problem – I can instead see them as being the start of something new, and opening up a new area and part of my life that I’ve not yet been researching and looking into – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that X is in-fact giving me lot’s of information that I am able to use in order to open more of myself – and thus trying to push out X from my life, or judging X for who he is – is in-fact completely pointless and doesn’t lead to anything beneficial

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I am going into a state of and as inferiority, fear and cowering, because I perceive that another person is speaking aggressively, is speaking harshly, and with these very strong, and fiery words – I stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that any reaction I have, indicates that there are points I’ve not yet dealt with, and doesn’t in-fact say anything about the other person – and thus I see, realize and understand that my interactions with this person in-fact represents and opportunity for me to get to know myself – and thus I commit myself to stop, and to see that the words are only words, that they are sound and possibly contain energy – yet they can’t harm or hurt me – or define me – thus I commit myself to breath and let the words pass through me

When and as I see that I am sharing information with another, from a starting point of thinking, and feeling that I know so much, that I am really well-read and extremely effective – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this way of sharing and giving information to another is in-fact a form of ego, where I am being smug and pretentious, and going into a state of superiority, where I believe myself to be more than another – and thus I see, realize and understand that the solution is to share information with a stable tonality here, making information, facts and knowledge equal to all parts of me as the physical; and thus I commit myself to not change in my physical presence and expression when I am sharing information with another – but instead remain here and breath – and stabilize myself with my voice – practicing a stable voice tonality

When and as I see that I am judging X as being insensitive, I immediately stop myself I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that this judgment exists within me only because I am myself in moments living such an insensitivity, where I become the center of the world, where my energetic, feeling-experience because the most important thing that there is, and my world, and the experience of others in my world, in a way disappear, and everything that becomes important is myself, and my experience – and thus I commit myself to instead learn about myself from X – and to within this process – commit myself to when I share of myself – to be sensitive and aware of others and how my behavior and words influence them – and not take another for granted

Day 130: Planning for Failure

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to plan ahead, and make decisions for my future from a starting point of disbelief, lack and fear – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to plan in such a way as to avoid failure, and avoid realizing my fears, not realizing that when I plan, and make decisions from this starting point I am in-fact sabotaging myself, as I am not accepting and allowing myself to make the BEST decision, and to make the BEST plan – but I am rather making a plan that will hopefully not place me in the particular situation that I fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make the starting point of my future plans and decisions to make the BEST future for myself, to make the MOST of my life, and to walk, and do that which I see that I want to do, and that which I see would contribute, and bring forth what is best for all – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide in an experience of lack, fear and disbelief, wherein I do not push myself to make my plans, and decisions a expression of self-movement, and self-expansion, but rather an attempt to try and avoid that which I don’t want to happen

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as, and create an idea of myself that I am not good enough, and that I lack, and as such believe that my decisions, and my movement of myself, must be based upon the notion of me attempting to avoid failure, and avoid the worst case scenario, and avoid my life becoming worthless – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not rather move myself in the direction that would challenge me the most, that would contribute to my life, and the life’s of others the most, that would make a difference in my life, as well as in the life’s of others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make decisions in regards to my future impulsively, and to become addicted to making various decisions, and change my decisions in regards to the future, because I fear making a decision that is effective for me, and then sticking to it – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be impulsive in my movement in my life – instead of being determined, and patient – instead of accepting and allowing myself to make a decision and then stick with it – and realize that the fears and doubts coming up within are but fears and doubts – and do not mean that my initial decision is invalid – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not work with these fears and doubts as they arise within me – to immediately take them on – and not accept and allow them to fester within me – to take hold of me – and to influence my decision making and my plans for my future

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I make a decision, to immediately as information come into my world that is not aligned with my initial idea of the decision I made – to go into fears and anxiety, and doubt, and impulsively, without accepting and allowing myself to carefully consider to information, to be patient, to be steadfast, and stable in considering new information, and to as such not immediately leave my initial decision – but to accept and allow myself to cross-reference – and to accept and allow myself to make decision slowly in such a pace that is effective for me – for me to be certain that I know what I deciding and that I know where I am coming from – and I know what it is that I am creating and how I am going to do it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be impulsive in regards to decision making – and make decisions without reflecting, pondering, and looking at the point – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust myself when I make decisions impulsively – and be impulsively – meaning that I make a decision in a reaction, and in a experience – immediately changing my initial direction and movement – because I do not experience that as being correct and right anymore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not accept and allow myself to move more slowly in regards to decisions – to realize that only because something is not as I initially imagined it to be – and as I initially saw it to be – this doesn’t mean that I have to throw away my old decisions and plans – that I immediately on the spot have to change everything that I have walked up to this point – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be patient with myself – and to not accept and allow myself to cross-reference my decisions – to cross-reference my considerations – to as such make sure that when I make decisions – and when I make plans – that it’s specific – it’s effective – and that it’s aligned with what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as fears when I make decisions, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make decisions from a starting point of fear of survival, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that my decisions are not more effective because I make them in fears – they are not more specific – more directive – and more to the point only because there is a fear involved – rather – it’s the opposite – and that when I make decisions in fear – the decision is not based upon what is a physical fact – what is real – and what I am able to verify for myself and cross-reference with another

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not when I have doubts, and fears come up within me, and I feel the urge to make a decision, to then stop myself, take a breath, and bring myself back here – and discipline myself to not make a decision upon the basis of this experience – but to rather breathe through it and let it go – and within that accept and allow myself to stabilize and stand here with and as my human physical body – and let the fear and the doubt go unconditionally – and then make sure then when I make decisions and plan – that I am clear within myself – that there is no movement – that there is no fear – but that I am stable

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am going into fear, doubt, and anxiety, and that I want to make decisions, and plans, in order for me to avoid, and escape these fears, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that a decision based upon these experiences will not be effective – it will not be specific – it will not be aligned with and as reality and that which I am able to prove to myself is physical – stable – here; and as such I commit myself to breathe through these emotions – to stabilize myself here – and when I look at a plan or decision – to make sure that there is no movement within me and that I am stable – and to not make a decision until I am clear within myself

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Hiding – Part 3

Before reading this entry – please read part 1 and part 2

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the character of not wanting to face myself – existing within and as the belief that “I am so bad – and I am so fucked up – that I can’t do anything about myself” – as such creating a escape route within myself where I think that I am able to avoid this big task of in-fact facing/seeing myself – and instead escape from this task; instead of accepting and allowing myself to see/realize/understand that this belief that I am apparently to fucked up to face myself – it’s only a excuse and justification in order to substantiate my escape from myself – while I do in-fact see/realize/understand that facing myself is what I must do – and what will be the greatest gift that I’ve ever given to myself – as it will accept and allow me to birth myself as life from the physical

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the character/living statement that I don’t want to face myself – instead of seeing/realizing/understanding that it’s stupid to not want to face myself – as the truth of myself is always here anyway, it’s just that I’ve hidden from myself – but that doesn’t mean that the truth of me is still here – and is creating my life and my experience of myself in everyway; as such I see/realize/understand that the obvious common sense is to face myself and get it over with – because that is much more simple than spending a life-time finding excuses and justifications and fighting the truth as myself as how I exist within myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that it’s a thousand times more simple/easy to face myself than to hide from myself – and that hiding from myself is in-fact hard work – and something that must go on for a eternity; while facing myself is something that must only be done once – and then the fight/struggle is over because I am clear within and as myself – I’ve faced and corrected my shit and I can now spend my breaths living instead of fighting; as such I commit myself to stop this eternal fight and instead face myself – within seeing/realizing/understanding that it will feel difficult yet it’s what is best for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that facing myself is difficult – it’s hard – and it’s uncomfortable – yet existing within a statement/character of hiding is even more hard/difficult and uncomfortable – as such it’s easy to see that the best decision for me is to face myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever see/recognize hiding as a solution – not seeing/realizing/understanding the obvious common sense that hiding is never a solution but only a form of postponement – wherein I postpone the inevitable – as such I see/realize/understand that hiding is in-fact completely unnecessary as I will have to face myself anyway – as such why hide to begin with? Why not simply take the pain and discomfort and be done with it here?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within myself to such an extent that I am not able to see how stupid my inner characters of hiding are – as they do not serve any practical/physical value at all – I simply exist as these characters because I was shown to do so – and I’ve always done so – as such existing within and as apathy accepting everything as is thinking that it’s cool – because it’s been like this forever; not accepting and allowing myself to open my eyes and in-fact question what is here – to see whether what is here actually supports a existence that is best for all – and actually supports me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that I can’t avoid facing myself – that I am in-fact facing myself even though I am hiding from myself – but that I am just avoiding to see who and what I am straight in the face from a starting point of correcting myself – and placing myself in a position within myself of changing and re-aligning myself within myself to what is best for all – to what will in-fact support/assist myself to step out of my current mind-fuck and become a self-directed – self-willed being here in every moment of breath

I commit myself to face myself – and to see/realize/understand that facing myself will be the greatest gift that I’ve ever given to myself; and that there is really no such thing as hiding from myself – but only postponing the inevitable, which is to face myself head-on – to see who and what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be and become – and to re-create myself within and as oneness and equality here as what is best for all

I commit myself to face myself and get it over with – as I see/realize/understand that not wanting to face myself is merely postponing the inevitable – and is only serving to make me and my existence a living hell; and as such I commit myself to take this problem as me and move myself into correction/perfection/alignment with the principle as what is best for all

I commit myself to face myself – seeing/realizing/understanding that I will only have to face myself once – and then it’s done – while hiding is a project that I must walk for eternity – and is a struggle that I can let myself not go through – through simply facing myself here – and walking the necessary self-forgiveness/writing/self-correction to establish myself as clear – stable – and effective within and as my application of myself here as life

I commit myself to see/realize/understand that it’s a far more intelligent decision to face myself than to postpone facing myself – because facing myself will have the outflow of me living comfortably and relaxed within my human physical body; while not facing myself will have the consequence of my living in FEAR – which is a completely ludicrous thing to have myself go through

I commit myself to see/realize/understand that hiding is not a solution but merely a point of postponing the inevitable – as such I will/push myself to establish myself as NOT HIDING – through each day writing/doing my self-forgiveness/walking my self-corrective statements – until everything is out in the open and I am done

I commit myself to not accept my characters simply because I’ve always existed as characters – and because everyone in my world has always shown me the example of living as a character – but I instead push/will myself to question all my characters as to their purpose – and what outflows they create in my life/existence – to as such only accept and allow that which is best for all within me

I commit myself to see/realize/understand that hiding is in-fact a illusion – because actually I am always seeing who and what I am within myself – it’s just that I haven’t dared to place myself in a position of changing myself – correcting myself; as such I stand up within myself and walk self-responsibility – in taking charge of myself – and changing myself – as such stopping the idea/illusion of hiding within and as me

Hiding – Part 2

Before reading this – read part 1 first.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the character/experience/possession of not wanting to be seen – existing within and as the physical behavior of avoiding eye contact with others – avoiding to be seen through pretending that I don’t see and notice others when they are in my presence – hoping that by doing so they won’t notice and see me; instead of accepting and allowing myself to come out from this shell I’ve created – understanding that this shell is completely unnecessary and doesn’t even protect me from anything – because even if I continue to hold unto this shell – it won’t stop me from being hit by a bus, or stabbed by someone – it’s simply a imaginary shell that serves no other purpose but to limit me and have me miss opportunities of getting to know/participating with others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist/live within and as the character of not wanting to be seen – thinking that if I would be seen by somebody – that this would the expose me to their evil scrutiny – wherein they would take me apart inside their minds and find all my weak-spots and plot to use their powers to destroy me; instead of seeing/realizing/understanding that this is in-fact what I am doing towards myself – wherein I am looking at myself from a perspective of judging my apparent weak spots – giving all my focus at being angry/frustrated at myself for having these weak spots – spending all my effort/time to hide these weak spots – instead of accepting and allowing to simply let go of this fear – and see/realize/understand that even if I have a weak spot and someone mention this – or poke my weak spot – that this can’t affect and influence me unless I accept and allow it to do so

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as petrification and fear of being seen by others – within the fear that if somebody sees me – they might see something wrong/incorrect with me and point this out to me; as such existing within complete fear and petrification towards being criticized by others and seen as wrong/incorrect by others; instead of seeing/realizing/understanding how ludicrous this fear is – and how stupid it is to fear being criticized by others – as I see/realize/understand that I might even benefit from the perspective/criticism that others have towards me and my behavior – and as such become even more effective and detailed within and as my physical living expression of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as fear/nervousness to be seen by others – fearing that there will be some weakness/fault within me that others will see and notice and mention – talk to me about – or ridicule me for having – instead of accepting and allowing myself to see/realize/understand that it’s not big deal to have a weakness and to be wrong – and it’s no big deal that other mentions or points this out – when I do have made something wrong, or I possess a certain weakness – but I’ve made it within myself to be this hugely important and all-encompassing point – that I must at all times present myself and show myself to be right; instead of accepting and allowing myself to chill out – to relax – and simply live here in this moment and if I fuck up – to deal with that fuck-up here physically through looking at what practical solutions I can walk to correct the point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand to the extent that I limit myself when I exist in the fear of being noticed; as I basically remove myself from participation – remove myself from reality and isolate myself as far away from everyone that I can get – as such living a life of seclusion wherein I never get to know anyone, and I never get to know myself with others – because I am all the time alone – all the time protecting myself from being seen by others; and within this I will/push myself to get out from this stupid character, and instead participate with others – get to know others – communicate and in-fact accept and allow myself to be seen – and to not worry about being seen

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be seen by others – be heard by others – be noticed by others; and walk these points being completely comfortable with myself – knowing that there is nothing harmful in being seen/noticed/heard by others – and that there is nothing in-fact to fear – and that the fear only exists in my mind as a idea and belief – as such I will/push myself to become physical – within seeing/realizing/understand that there is absolutely no possibility that I will be able to be harmed physically through being seen/noticed/heard by others – it’s only an idea

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seclude and isolate myself from participation in reality – and to shut myself off from getting to know others, and from expanding in my reality through networking and opening up new points of relationships with others; because I exist/live in fear of being noticed/seen – thinking that I am worthless and if I am seen by others – that they will see/notice/judge this worthlessness within me – and openly criticize me for being worthless; instead of seeing/realizing/understanding that what I fear others doing to me – is what I am doing to myself – as accepting and allowing myself to be hard and brutal with myself – and to criticize myself for my weak-spots – and to in essence be an asshole towards myself when I notice that there are points in my application that aren’t effective – and that aren’t working as they should be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself out from this character – to see/realize/understand how much of life that I’ve missed through existing as this character – how many opportunities of participating/speaking/communicating with others that I’ve wasted through giving into the fear of being noticed/seen; as such I will/push myself to step out of this character and dare to be seen – dare to be heard – dare to be recognized – and dare to be different – and not anymore limit myself in living

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to let go of this hiding personality – as not wanting to be seen; thinking that this personality is protecting me from harming, and protecting me from ending up in a “bad situation” – instead of seeing/realizing/understanding that I am not at all protected by this character/personality – I am instead limited, and held back – and in-fact regressing within myself due to missing points of participating/communication with others where I could’ve expanded and learned – and got to know more about myself and the functioning of this existence – as such I push/will myself to not anymore exist live as this fear of being seen – but instead express myself in moments where I see that I am holding myself back in the fear of being seen – and to share myself in moments when I see that I doubt sharing myself – because I fear to be seen

I commit myself to not anymore exist/live as the character of not wanting to be seen/noticed – but to instead push/will myself to be noticed/to be seen/to be heard – as I push/will myself to participate/interact/communicate – when the opportunity to do so opens up in my life

I commit myself to not pretend to not see others in my presence – in fear of being seen/noticed – but instead recognize the fact that others are in my presence – and to walk comfortably here with others – accepting and allowing myself to be seen/noticed/heard

I commit myself to see/realize/understand that this fear of being noticed does not protect me – and that it’s not a real shell – but only a mental shell as an idea and as such completely useless in all and everyway

I commit myself to not scrutinize myself in my minds eye – and look for faults within myself, and points of “badness” – and within this I commit myself to not project this point unto others; but to instead take self-responsibility for this point through stopping this character of scrutinizing myself when I see/notice that I am living this point as myself

I commit myself to not fear being criticized and/or seen as wrong/incorrect by others – but to instead view such moments as a opportunity for me to learn – because maybe another has a valid point as to how I’ve been doing wrong/incorrect; and within this I commit myself to not take myself so seriously, and to not be so hard upon myself when I fail/make mistakes/and fuck up – but to instead support myself to become more effective within not fucking-up – but instead living effectively here – as breath one and equal

I commit myself to when I am around others to – chill out and relax – and not take myself so seriously – but to simply be here with myself and express myself naturally – not worrying whether I might be wrong

I commit myself to not seclude myself, and hide myself away in the far-reaches of the universe where no-one can ever see or find me – but to instead accept and allow myself to push through my fears/anxieties and get out there in reality with other people – get out there and communicate/participate/interact – and be apart of the life’s of others

I commit myself to be seen/noticed/heard by others – and to not seclude/isolate myself in order to avoid being seen/heard/noticed

I commit myself to get out there in reality – and get to know others/participate with others/move myself in the system – in the matrix – and to forever stop this character of standing in the back – hoping that no-one will ever see me; because maybe then I will become criticized – I see/realize/understand how stupid this fear is – and as such I commit myself to forever ban it from my life

I commit myself to see/realize/understand how much I’ve missed of my life through existing as this character of not wanting to be seen – as I’ve deliberately avoided to create any close/intimate relationships with others – to communicate/interact/get to know others – simply because I’ve been afraid of being seen/noticed/heard – I stop this fear and seclusion – and I as such stop missing out on my life/opportunity to get to know others here

I commit myself to dare to be heard/seen/noticed/recognized

I commit myself to see/realize/understand that the fear of being seen doesn’t in anyway protect me – but only limits me and have me regress into a existence/life of seclusion/hiding; as such I stop myself from honoring and entertaining this fear within me and I instead develop self-trust – to be able to effectively analyze and distinguish situations that are in-fact dangerous without having to keep/entertain a fear of being seen/heard/noticed – and within this I see/realize/understand that a fear can’t assist/support me to understand the totality of a situation – and as such can’t protect me from harm in-fact – but only serves to keep me stuck in energies/experiences that aren’t even aligned to this physical reality