Tag Archives: awareness

Day 355: The Insignificant, Becomes Significant

I experience my weekdays very, very differently. And mostly, it is not a matter of what happens throughout that day. It is about WHO I AM. The simple process of walking from my car to my work, one day I can experience that as boring and predictable, trapped in the rat race, and the other day, it is a small adventure that I step into. The walk is just a couple of hundred meters, but even so, if I push  myself to be present, stop my thinking processes, life opens up before me in the small.

Hence the title of the blog, The Insignificant, Becomes Significant, because that is what happens. The small things that usually go unnoticed, suddenly I am able to see them. During my walk to work, what fascinates me the most is the expression of nature. Birds are singing, flying around, or gathering food. The trees stand solid and rooted, and their foliage rustles in the wind. It is an entire world in its own. And what is remarkable is that this entire world can be easily forgotten. All it requires is one thought, and if I get hooked on the thought, instead of grounding my presence HERE, then I will not anymore be able to see, and take in what is around.

The greatest mistake we can make is believing that life is out there, behind the next creek. Children understand that there is no such thing as a life to come, and hence, they live and express themselves fully in each moment. As adults, the only thing that stands in our way from living with the same intensity and love for life, is ourselves. More specifically, our own thinking processes and energetic experiences – that is the veil we need to remove in order to see what is here.

I have seen, realized and understand, that I do not want to waste a single day, a single hour or minute, remaining stuck in an experience of blame towards the system, or reaction of apathy and lethargy towards having to work five days a week. It is not acceptable for me to be stuck in such experiences without actively moving myself to get out of them. Because, regardless of how convincing and overpowering these emotions might feel – they are never real. And the moment I allow an energy to define my relationship with life, I limit myself, and I miss out on being part of the Significant things that are here.

The solution is to continually push breath awareness, and to stop myself from participating in my mind, and with dedication, conviction and patience, bring myself back here – bring myself back to LIFE and participate here in this physical world.


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Day 349: Taking Care of Plants

A while ago I decided to take some potted plants to my office in order to make my working environment more comfortable and supportive. However, now, one of my plants have almost died due to dehydration and the other has been affected by dehydration – because I did not water them properly. Knowing that my external environment shows me who I am within, I decided to look at what I can learn about myself from this.

The word that popped up within me was nourish. I could see that the plants died because they did not get the proper nourishment, water. And it is not that I do not care about the plants, because I do, the problem is that when I am at the office, I usually get so caught up in a high strung energy of fast and efficient movement, that I get tunnel visioned and only see my work, and what task that I should get to next, and I do not take in my environment as a whole. Interestingly enough, I did not initially see that my plants experienced a tough time, as I was so completely invested into my work.

Obviously, this is not cool, and it is something that I want to change. I would want to be stable and have oversight, be calm and capable of nourishing myself and my environment, regardless of whether I am at work, or being at home relaxing. Instead of existing in a tunnel vision, I would want to have a expansive awareness of all the various lives that touch mine on a daily basis, so that I am able to support, nourish, and give as I would like to receive.

The solution is to ground myself using breath, and then deliberately expand my awareness through looking at and noticing what is going on around me – and then deliberately push myself to give time and attention to the lives around me – because another problem is that I will sometimes notice someone or something – yet not feel that I have the time to invest myself in their lives as I am so much into my own thing.

Thus slowing down and expanding my awareness to what is around me and pushing myself to invest time and effort into the lives that touch mine – to actively participate and give support and nourish – and see, realize and understand that it is not that I do not have time in-fact – it is that I am too fearful of losing time that makes me unable to effectively give as I would like to receive.


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Day 331: Why We Should Reinvent Our Childhood

“Compared with adults, children do not yet have the ability to see a self that extends temporally into the future. This, however, is not a liability, but rather an asset that allows them to view their future without gloom and fully enjoy the present feelings of happiness. That is why the children of the world can look happy so long as they are happy in the present.”

― Yoichi Sakakihara, M.D., Professor of Ochanomizu University

Childhood, I remember that as a time in my life that was thoroughly enjoyable. Obviously, that is not so for everyone, as childhood can also be a terrible experience. However, as children, undoubtedly we do have an ability to live in the moment that surpasses that of any adult. I remember when I used to visit new places as a child, for example a forest, being sensitive, attuned, and completely in the present moment, it was an adventure without comparison. All my senses were active in experiencing and interacting with this new environment – and that ability to be FULLY here in the moment was what contributed to creating that almost magical feeling of adventure and astonishment at the small moments, that by adults were perceived as insignificant or completely missed.

This skill disappears as we age, and that is sad, because obviously, we as adults also need that sense of adventure and fulfillment in our lives, else, we simply become like robots, walking around to our next appointment, doing our thing, without really knowing why. From my perspective, and from what I have found, the reason why we loose this ability to be in the present moment is because we compare what is here to what has been, we actively use our experiences and memory-bank to define and give points to our current reality. This use of memory to interact with reality also dulls our senses and makes us less sensitive and attuned to the present moment. We thus miss so much of reality, because we are busy in our mind evaluating what is here, instead of LIVING with what is here.

One clear example of this is how adults tend to judge weather such as rain, storms, cold, and similar, as ‘bad weather’ and enter a gloomy experience, and oftentimes complain at the weather. What children do with bad weather is that they embrace it and allow themselves to experience and be part of and explore that particular moment of weather. For example, rain becomes an adventure without likes, as rain offers pools of water, and different animals come out from their hiding places to get moisture and look for food. Children hence know and apply one thing in their lives that we adults tend to miss, it is not about where we are, not about what we are, not about when we are, it is about WHO WE ARE – basically meaning that – we DECIDE what our present moment will be like – either a moment of presence/interaction/connection with the physical – or a moment of existing in our mind comparing what is here to what we would like it to be like.

As adults we look for life in all the wrong places, because we have forgotten that point of presence which we embodied as children. Life will not ever be born through realizing a dream or reaching a goal, such points are merely moments of satisfaction, and enjoyment, though not the same thing as the constant and fulfilling approach to reality that children master. Hence, the secret to life does not exist in changing our material physical world, it is instead within us, in our approach, and in essence, in our relationship with ourselves. If we want to have fulfillment, adventure, and enjoyment in our lives, this is where we should look, and not make the mistake of believing that the problem is our physical reality.

The above though is only true to some extent. We do undoubtedly have physical needs, we have to eat, drink, shit and piss – and if our basic needs are not fulfilled effectively – then it is not possible, or at least very difficult, to embody presence and live fully in every moment. This is why we require a new economic system with an equal distribution of resources – to make sure that everyone has to opportunity to discover and live their unconditional and childlike expression in this world.

What is then the solution? How is it that we return to our childlike selves? I find the following quote very supportive in this regard.

“Stop thinking, and end your problems.
What difference between yes and no?
What difference between success and failure?
Must you value what others value,
avoid what others avoid?
How ridiculous!

Other people are excited,
as though they were at a parade.
I alone don’t care,
I alone am expressionless,
like an infant before it can smile.

Other people have what they need;
I alone possess nothing.
I alone drift about,
like someone without a home.
I am like an idiot, my mind is so empty.

Other people are bright;
I alone am dark.
Other people are sharp;
I alone am dull.
Other people have purpose;
I alone don’t know.
I drift like a wave on the ocean,
I blow as aimless as the wind.

I am different from ordinary people.
I drink from the Great Mother’s breasts.”

― Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

The solution to stopping our continuous adult contemplation and replace it with LIFE is to STOP thinking. Thinking not only steals our attention from the present moments, it also becomes the building blocks of our life, and the problem here is that we have not even investigated the consequences of our thoughts; what does our thoughts really create? We must remind ourselves that the future will only ever be an abstract concept, something we use to make sense of time and space, however, LIFE will only ever be HERE. Thus, when we think about the future it should only be to organize and plan for our life HERE, yet that plan must not, and in reality cannot, take precedence of what is HERE. Hence, a plan, or a goal, will never in itself fulfill us, give us peace and joy – if we want to experience such words for real – they must be created HERE in our everyday life – in the mundane and recurrent. And in doing that, what we will discover and understand, which children already see, is that life HERE is not mundane, it is a constant flow of new moments that we can only ever really see if we stop thinking and instead place our full awareness in the present.


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Day 260: OOD = Obsessive Organizing Disorder

Today as I woke up, I knew that I had a long day of reading ahead of me – and because I know that I can focus and concentrate better when I have had some physical movement, I decided to go out and spend my morning doing some ‘farm-work’. Now, I currently live on an old farm, and my family as been living on this property for some four generations. This has caused many of the various buildings on the farm to become very, very, very disorganized. I am not sure why that is, though it might have something to do with rushing, and how we tend to disregard important points in our life, such as our living environment, because we are rushing towards the next thing on our to-do-list.

Regardless of why, it is very messy in some of the locals. And I have noticed that this messiness really gets to me – because I enjoy when points are organized, systematic, they make sense, and they have a clearly defined purpose. For example, I do not like a room where there is a myriad of things from various categories – such as a bicycle, mixed with a chainsaw, and a outboard engine. When I get into such a room I become all uneasy, and feel an urge to start organizing, and getting things into their proper place. And with some rooms on the farm I have managed to structure and organize things, though many are still left to be dealt with.

So, today as I was going about some chores around the farm, I got an idea of how to use a room, that would make sense, and that would bring more order and structure to things. In the next moment I realized that if I was going to follow through on that initial idea, the new purpose of the room that I had come up with, would clash slightly with the purpose of another room that I had thought up. Hence, I in that moment experienced a conflict of purposes – which led me to start thinking about it more, and more. Behind the scenes of this thinking process there was an emotional experience lurking – an anxiety – the driving force behind that urge to organize, to have things be systematic, controlled, specific, and aligned with their purpose.

Thus today, I am going to open up this obsessive organizing disorder-character – because this urge to organize and make things streamlined according to their purpose, it does not only come up in relation to the farm – it also comes up in my life. For example, I have noticed that it is very difficult for me to just pick up a new hobby, unless it is somehow fitted into the ‘purpose’ of my life, and where I picture myself going. And it is also difficult to ‘just do something’ without it having a goal, a purpose, an end-result in sight of what I want to achieve with this thing that I am doing. Accordingly, my diagnose is that I am obsessed with having things ‘fit into’ a scheme – a picture – a mental concept that I have created of my life – which in turn creates conflict in me when my reality does not fit into my concept of how reality should be like.

Then comes the most important question – What is the SOLUTION that I see for this pattern? As far as I see it – the solution is to accepted and allowed myself to again become a child, live like a child, and approach my day like a child – because what does a child do? A child is here in the present moment, participating in what is opening up here – and if a child one day notices how much he or she likes to ride horses – then the child will do that – unconditionally – not because it fits into the child’s idea of what he or she should do in the future. Hence, the correction is to live in the present moment – to NOT think about whether something is proper or improper – to NOT think about where something should lead me – to NOT try to organize and define everything into neat little pockets of information where I feel that I know where I am going – to be flexible and live in the moment – though still obviously – have a overview and a general sense of direction in knowing where I am going.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I constantly need to plan things beforehand, and that with all things I do and participate in, that they need to fit into a purpose, into a direction, and into a particular way of seeing things – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live in the moment, and be in the present – and approach things HERE – thus not try to fit things into, and define things, so that they are sorted and stored in a way that makes sense to me – because I see, realize and understand that things doesn’t always have to make sense – instead I can participate in something because I enjoy it, because it is here, and without having a already decided plan

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with seeing the future in everything that I do – where for me to do something – I have to see a path into the future, where this points develops, and matures, and then benefits me in my life in some way – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that not all parts and aspects of my life require to have a deep purpose and function – that sometimes – it is cool to just do something in that moment and then never return to it again – not all things require to fit in

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be obsessed with organizing and moving things where I live, to fit them into a systematic organization, that I think is logical, and that is based on reason – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it is that I do not have to organize, and systematize all things in my life – that some points I can leave as they are – and it won’t become better or worse whether I chose to organize the point or not – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not allow myself to be comfortable with disorganization

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel uncomfortable, and cringe inside of myself when I feel that things are not organized properly – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a reaction of immediately wanting to organize things, and put them into their correct place – and then go into a state of anxiety, and fear when I can’t seem to find a way of organization that fits into my way of logically structuring points in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to define and make sense out of everything that happens in my life – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to overanalyze situations, and what I am doing in my life – want to fit it into the bigger scheme of things – when really – sometimes there is no such meaning to a point that occurs – and sometimes there is no value in trying to define, or make sense of something – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be comfortable with not specifically knowing where things are headed, and how they might turn out in the future – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not accept and allow myself to trust myself – and stand stable in my breath here – even though I have no clear view, or exact knowledge on how the decision I make is going to affect me and what it is going to lead to

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself, that even though I might not see the full picture just yet, that when I move myself, and continue to push myself forward – that I am going to reach a point where I do see what is going on and the best decision I can make to support my life and the life of others – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace the moment – living here in the present – as how children live – where there is no thought about what something should become – and rather what is important is the moment of self-expression that is here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I can trust myself to direct points HERE in the present as they come up and as I see that it is relevant for me to move – make a decision – and direct a particular point – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace this point of moving in the present – and practice seeing the way forward HERE – having a plan – yet not accepting and allowing this plan to overshadow my present reality and the opportunities that are opening up for me here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that when I get too caught up in my plans, and in what my future should be, and should become, I miss out on the physical living HERE – and I miss out on the process of self-creation that must be done in every moment of breath – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice establishing, and creating a balance for myself, between planning for the future, and remaining in the present – creating and being receptive to what is going on here

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I am going into a way of being, where I am trying to make my life fit into a predetermined planned, and define it into already specified, and purposefully arranged boxes, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that when I approach life from this starting point – I am going to create conflict within myself – because I will constantly think about the ideals – about how something SHOULD be – and not how things are here – and thus I commit myself to create a balance between the present and my future – where I do have a plan and a purpose for my life and future – yet where I am still accepting and allowing myself to be present HERE and receptive to what is opening up and moving in my day to day living

When and as I see that I am going into future projections, where I am imagining how things should become, how things should develop, how things should work out, and how things should be like, and what I can do in my future to make things the way I have imagined, and hoped that they should be, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that when I only think about what I should do in the future, and what I must do before I can begin moving, or doing something in my life, I am holding myself back, and limiting myself severely, grinding myself to a total halt within myself, because all of myself is in the future and not HERE – and thus I commit myself to create a balance between making plans for the future, and living HERE in the moment, creating and building, and shaping my life in the moment, with the resources that are at my disposal HERE

When and as I see myself going into and as a state of future planning, where I try to organize and make sense of this present moment through thinking about what I can, and should do in the future, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I am limiting myself by accepting and allowing myself to make sense of this present moment – that I do not need that to be stable, sound and clear, and be directive about my decision and where I am going – and thus I commit myself to trust myself to walk in the present – and trust myself that as I walk I will see the next step to take – and the next point to take on and move and direct – and thus that I do not require to use my mind to make sense of where I am and where I am going

Day 120: Communication and Awareness

communicateOne point that I have worked with lately is communication and in that self-expansion. This point opened up through listening to Eqafe interviews, as well as reading the blogs from others – and what was pointed out and shared in these was how we tend to not see how little we in-fact communicate with others in our world. We instead go through our life’s taking everything and everyone for granted and even with those closest to us we seldom strike up a conversation wherein we are aware, present, here – listening and hearing what another is sharing.

The practical correction that I have applied is thus the simple point of communicating more – in particular with those people that I do meet every day but that I have not allowed myself to see and get to know. One example is the shopkeeper in the kiosk nearby where I live. I have been buying things from this guy for several years, yet not once have I asked him where he is from, whether he likes his job or not, really, I have not asked him anything at all except for the receipt. Though recently as I went to his small kiosk, I asked him some questions, really basic questions, and it was fascinating to see how much enjoyed it, and that he as well seemed to enjoy it, and in this movement I expanded myself and my world – I got to know another a little better than before, and no more was this person but a prop in my world with the sole purpose of providing me with various goods and wares.

Now I have begun to expand this point of communication to more instances in my world, and it is something that I enjoy to do very much – and I am astounded to see how much I have been missing. I have seen that there are much more to people than what meets the eye, something I did not understand before, because I never took the decision to communicate, share myself, open up, and get to know another.

This point is really but one small point in my process of discovering the physical, and I am now with more clarity able to see how much in my world that I have not seen, great things, cool things, that have been just before my nose, but that I have not noticed because I have been to busy in my mind thinking about all kinds of things. Really, there is so much to discover and see in every moment, and an interview that assisted and supported me in seeing this is the Life review Conditioned into the mind. In this interview a man shares his life of how he instead of being aware and paying attention to what is here in the physical, directed his focus into his mind – as such missing all of that which each day was around him, instead existing in repetitive and limited thought-patterns going around, around, the same subjects, same emotions and same feelings.

Thus, life really is what we make of it – because we can either align our life and living to into and as this physical world, which is a place filled with discoveries, things to be learnt, with uncountable dimensions and aspects waiting to be seen and understood – and in this living here with the physical life becomes fun, a perpetual expansion and movement, where one is actually able to develop oneself for real, whilst a life in the mind is the opposite, it is a spiraling down into limitation, wherein one after a while miss all touch with life and the possibilities that are supplied on a golden platter in every moment.

The key to life is the physical.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the physical for granted

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not pay attention to my physical reality, to not care about my physical reality, to believe that I have already seen everything that is to be seen, that I already understand the physical and that there are more important things for me to do in my mind – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the physical is a point that I have not really ever accepted and allowed myself to stand equal with and discover

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand equal and one with and as the physical, and make the self-willed decision to be here with the physical in every moment, and to notice and see the physical, to pay attention to the details, to be aware of my surroundings and accept and allow myself to see what is here, and get to know what is here – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become stuck in repetitive and monotone thoughts, and feelings, and emotions in my mind, and spend my life inside my head, instead of being here with and as the physical

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the physical for granted, take other human beings for granted, take my body for granted, and not care to get to know it, to be intimate with it, to discover it and understand it – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spend my life in my mind in a zombie-mode – wherein I am continuously thinking about things, believing that this is life and living, while really it is the epitome of limitation, and as such I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to push myself and will myself to be aware of my physical reality, of my physical body, of the physical sensations that are here in every moment – ready to be explored – ready to be known

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my mind reality is more real and valid than the physical reality, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spend all my time in my mind imaginary reality in my head, instead of standing, living, and walking with my physical reality – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value my mind more than life – more than the physical – more than life substance; and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand to what extent that I am limiting myself and holding myself back from living a effective life that is fun and enjoyable to take part in

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that in my mind I am isolated and separate from what is here, and in that state of being there is really no meaning or purpose to my life, because in essence I do not exist, I am merely entertaining myself in a illusory state of energy; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to give myself and my life real meaning and substance – through pushing and willing myself to be present – be aware – be HERE within and as every moment breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard my physical reality as non-important – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead give all my attention and focus to my mind – to exist in my mind in fantasies, dreams and imaginations of the future, or the past, and in this not see, realize and understand what it is that I am missing here – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the physical is REAL – that the physical is LIFE – and that my mind is DEATH – in my mind there exists no life as it is simply a machine created to distract me from what is real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my physical reality and world for granted, and instead spend my time, and life in my mind, wherein I am living in fantasies, in experiences, in dreams and hopes of the future, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to completely and utterly disregard and push my life away – life being the physical – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I wake up in the morning, to begin my day from a starting point of taking life for granted, of taking what is here for granted, of just getting up and starting to participate in my mind – instead of accepting and allowing myself to be aware and present and recognize the physical – feel the physical and interact with the physical equal and one

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that my mind is limited – and that the physical represents an opportunity to truly make my life meaningful and substantial, because in living with the physical, I am actually interacting and communicating with and as something real, actual, that have substance, and that have life – but in my mind there is only me – only me running after these ludicrous thoughts of no meaning or purpose – and that is something I can do for the rest of my life – unless I make the active decision to in every moment stop myself – bring myself back here – and recognize the physical – recognize life – recognize what is here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be grateful for this physical reality and the support that it supplies unconditionally – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that this physical reality makes life possible and that without it I could not have existed – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not align myself with life through in every moment being present, aware and physical – pushing myself to be practical and walking my life within and as breath – and as such not accepting and allowing myself to spend my life and my time in my mind

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am taking life for granted, taking the physical for granted, taking a moment for granted, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that taking physical for granted is ignorance – because the physical gives life – the physical supports life – the physical is life – and as such me taking that for granted implies that I am missing life – as such I commit myself to bring myself back here in every moment of breath – and stand with and as the physical – be practical – and walk within and as breath and awareness of my entire physical

When and as I see that I am, as I wake up in the morning, Immediately going into my mind, and I immediately start to think instead of being HERE – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that life is HERE with the physical and not in my mind, not in experiences, not in thoughts, not in pictures, it is here – before my very eyes; as such I commit myself to stand up within me and align myself with life as the physical and as such wake up HERE as breath within and as the physical

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2012 Sheep Interview

Check out this great interview series – truly remarkable what we human-beings have missed in spending our life’s in our minds as thinking – instead of living and participating here within and as the physical – as breath.

 

2012 The Working-Man-Anxiety-Character

Writing:

Since I’ve begun to work regularly and for long hours, I’ve begun to notice a pattern of anxiety emerge within me. This pattern is in-fact within me, and there all the time as I work, yet I do not really experience, and feel to what extent that this pattern in-fact possess me, until I go to bed at night. Because I’ve noticed that, I will wake up in the middle of the night, check what time it is – to be certain that I will not miss my work – or I will be in the middle of a half-awake – half-asleep – dream – wherein I’ve lost something at my work, and I must find it. I will then sit up in my bed, and look around in complete anxiety as I try to find this lost thing, and then after a while I will realize that – oh – I am only in my bed, and I am not really at my work.

This reveals that my main-personality while working is the anxiety-personality – and more specifically – the fear of doing wrong, and facing consequences character – wherein the ultimate consequence that I obviously fear – is that I will loose my job, and consequently loose my ability to earn an income for myself.

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