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Day 56: Being Effective With Money

I’ve decided to take on a career opportunity in my world that is within the arena of sales, and within doing this I’ve noticed many fears come up I relation to money.

the-creation-of-money-prev1210277226g40efFI can see that I’ve been fearful around money during most of my life, and that this fear originates in essence in a belief I have of myself that I am simply not capable, or strong enough to walk in this world, and be able to handle myself. So, when I look at money, and the process of making money I experience a sense of helplessness and disbelief – like: “I will never be able to do this!” – “How could I possibly believe I am capable of this?” – so I want to give up before I’ve even tried – which obviously will have the consequence that I do not make any money, and that I do not make my career-path a success – I mean – without physical action, and physical movement there will be no rewards – because this very existence is based upon the accumulation of physical events.

So, it’s fascinating that I’ve simply aligned myself with this disbelief, and helplessness without ever having diligently walked the point of making money in my own business – I mean – it’s fascinating because how am I even able to know that I “can’t make it” when I do not have any reference – because I’ve never actually walked the point?

This shows me one thing – that this experience of disbelief, and helplessness is really only a self-manipulation tactic to cover up the real story – and what is then the real story? Well – as I see it – apparently being unable to move myself with money is the perfect excuse to simply not take any risks, not place myself out there, and not in-fact walk the opportunities that presents themselves here – thus it’s a way I use to not have to face reality, and to instead have myself live a comfortable life without any challenges, without any difficulties, without anything that I don’t understand, without having to learn anything new – I mean simply let myself live in this comfortable state of stagnation.

So, it’s like I’ve become addicted to stagnation, and a comfort-zone of having my life, my money, my employment, and just being satisfied with that – because then I know that I am apparently safe, and I won’t be at risk of getting into a position in this world of poverty, or having no money.

This is also interesting – that I fear poverty, and being without money, because it implies that I’ve in-fact separated myself from power, and self-movement, thinking that what drives my world is money – and when I have money everything will be okay – instead of realizing that it’s not that simple; I mean I can have all the money in the world yet this won’t mean that I am in-fact effective in my life, or that I walk in self-direction, and without fear – it just means that I have money, and that I am able to buy stuff with this money to make my life comfortable – yet it doesn’t say anything about my day-to-day living because that is obviously something I must within and as self-motivation, and self-will actually create for and as myself – and this will be so regardless of whether I have money or not.

Thus – I can see that I’ve defined money as my power, and my authority – and thus separated myself from these wordsthinking that as long as I have money “everything is okay” – instead of realizing that this is not the case – proven by the fact that there are lot’s of people that live in financial excess yet they have not done anything worthwhile with their life’s – proven by the fact that earth is still only a hellhole that most human beings would rather not have to experience at all.

Thus – time to take back my power, and authority – stop blaming, and shoving my responsibility towards myself, and this world unto money – and instead see that the point that is relevant to develop, and perfect is my relationship with myself.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make money my god, and sort of expect that money is to come to me, and that money is to give me life, and that money is to give me power, and authority – and that within this I don’t have any power at all and what I can do is apparently only to stand by and watch as money gives me the ability to live, direct myself, and walk my life effectively within a principle that is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate the expressions, and livings words of authority, and power through defining these words in relation to money – thinking and believing that I need money to stand within and as myself in a position of authority, and power – and that without money I am helpless – thinking that having no money for me is like giving superman some kryptonite so he looses all of his powers – and within this I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that I am able to develop myself into a state of effectiveness, and self-independence so that I am able to stand as authority, and as power – regardless of what points I face in my reality – regardless of whether I face poverty, or having no money – I still stand as the point of living here in each moment of breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, perceive, and believe that money is my morphine, my heroine, my point of super-power-giver – thinking and believing that as long as I have money everything is okay – as long as I have money my life is perfect – as long as I have money I can simply relax and let the day’s pass, and let myself go into a comfortable numbness of not doing anything at all with my life – because apparently it’s all okay because I have money; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make money more than what money is – and inflate money to be some sort of super-power that I am able to charge myself with to become a super-human-being – instead of realizing, and understanding that money is simply a physical manifestation in this world that allows me to survive – and that it doesn’t have anything to do with my acceptances, and allowances, and who I will myself to be as a living and breathing being here in every moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself to not have to in-fact do anything with my relationship towards money, and this world system, through thinking that I am helpless in relation to money, and experiencing within me a sense of disbelief – as thinking that – “I am not able to deal with money, and a career, and be successful anyway” – and as such I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that these experiences, and statements is merely a way for me to manipulate myself to not stand up in my relation to money – to stand one and equal to money – and direct money as myself – thus not feel or see myself as inferior to money – but instead learning, and educating myself how to effectively make money – and be stable, and proficient within making money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear money, and to believe that money is in someway this unpredictable force that I don’t have any control over – and that in any moment is able to simply push me down into the abyss of poverty, and lack – and within this I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that the nature of money is really quite simple – and that it’s based upon physical accumulation of events – and that I’ve in essence made money to be more than what it is so that I won’t have to deal with money, look at money, and learn to work with money effectively

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that in order to be able to be successful in this world – I can’t in anyway let myself feel, or think myself to be inferior to money – and think that money is in someway this “market-force” that magically moves to me – but I must stand within the realization that money is a consequence of my daily-living application – and as such I am able to learn to direct money, and do so effectively in order to sustain myself in my world – and to be able to support myself in pushing myself to become more effective and stable in my movement

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that I’ve a desire to stagnate, and to simply be satisfied with having a employment, a mediocre salary, a mediocre lifestyle – where I don’t have money – because I’ve defined money, and the point of making money to be superior to me – and as being something that I can’t understand, that I can’t get my head around – that is simply above me – and thus it’s best to simply accept myself to a stagnating position because that is safer; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not challenge myself to expand, and direct my relationship with money – and to understand that in order to in-fact accumulate a considerable amount of money in this world I require to stand equal to money – and understand the patterns of money – and to align myself within directing money effectively – and within this there can’t be any fear because then I will simply not see clearly the patterns that money move within and as

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to view, and define money as being something that gives me power, and authority – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having any money in my life, in fearing that I will then “loose myself” – and I won’t be able to anymore be directive, authoritative, and assertive in my world – because I will have no power – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place money on a pedestal – and to believe that money is more than me – instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that I am the point of direction in relation to money – and that it’s my decision whether I am to have money in my world or not, because I am able to educate, and learn the process of how money moves – and learn to direct this point effectively – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand one and equal with and as the manifestation of money – and stop fearing money – but to instead understand, and learn to direct, and move money within oneness and equality as breath here

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I look at money and view at as something more than me, that moves without my will, without my direction, and that it’s something that I simply can’t understand – then I stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this is me trying to manipulate myself into a state of inferiority – so that I won’t have to in-fact learn to direct money, understand money, and become proficient within the use, and accumulation of money in my world – as such I commit myself to stop fearing money, and instead educate myself as to the pattern of money, and learn how to accumulate, and direct money in such a way that is effective for me

When and as I see that I look at money and think that money is what gives me power, and authority – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that money is not what gives me authority, and power – because I am the point that gives me these words – and that thinking that money does this is simply a excuse to not develop, and create myself as these words – and to live as these words regardless of circumstances – as such I commit myself to stand up, and practice living power, and authority – and do so regardless of what circumstance I live within

I commit myself to live power as me practicing to be the directive principle within me, and within my world – not accepting and allowing myself to be moved by consequences but instead me moving me within oneness and equality as breath

I commit myself to practice living the point of authority – as me being the author of me – thus me deciding who I am – what I live – why I am – how I am – and not accepting and allowing money to be what decides this for me

When and as I see that I don’t want to develop a effective relationship with money because I feel that it’s comfortable to stagnate, and simply accept myself as being mediocre in relation to money – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that money is in a way one of the most important points for me to learn to direct effectively because it determines so much of how effective I am able to be in this life in terms of supporting myself, and having influence, and a impact in this world – as such I commit myself to get to learn, and understand how I am able to accumulate, direct, and move money within oneness and equality here – and thus stop being a slave to my fear and instead understand the manifestation of money as it currently exists within and as this world

When and as I see that I go into a experience of disbelief, and helplessness in relation to money – thinking that “I am not able to do this” – “I am not good with money anyway” – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – I mean obviously I am not effective with money because I’ve never given this point any attention in my life – all of my life has been about searching for positive energy and not in-fact developing myself to be able stand in this world effectively; as such I commit myself to push through this resistance and in-fact develop skills, and effectiveness with money – so that I am able to direct money and not be directed be events and feel lucky that I am able to have money in my world

When and as I see that I look at, and perceive money to be this godly, and unpredictable force that I simply can’t understand – because it’s apparently “so powerful” – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this is simply me trying to manipulate myself to not have to establish a effective, grounded, and stable relationship with money – where I direct money and not the other way around; as such I commit myself to push through my fears, resistances, and excuses – and to in-fact develop a effective relationship with money wherein I direct – and I am not directed by external events – because I move myself

When and as I see that I want to simply run away from money, and go into a secure life where I don’t have to challenge myself in relation to money, where I don’t have to feel exposed, and uncertain that I won’t have any money – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this type of living, and application is in-fact simply self-sabotage wherein I do not allow myself to expand myself because of fear – as such I commit myself to not let fear make decisions for me – but that I instead look at what is best for me – where I am able to expand myself – and then I move myself into that direction

When and as I see that I want to go into the desire, and manifest the desire of accepting my life to be mediocre, in that I accept that I have a small salary, and that I have my safe employment, and that nothing in my world is really a challenge, but only a point that I accept because I fear doing anything about it – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this is me – simply sabotaging myself because I don’t allow me to see that I am capable of creating myself in such a way that I can effectively earn money, and create, and substantiate my life with a effective income – and that what stands in my way is in essence only myself – I mean – I am my worst enemy – as such I commit myself to stop thinking about how apparently hard, and difficult it is to learn to become effective with money – and instead simply do it – realizing that a thousand mile journey always begins with a single step

When and as I see that I feel that I don’t want to have anything to do with money, but instead focus on what makes me happy, and what makes me feel good – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that in order to be effective in this world I must focus on money – because money is such a all-influencing point that influence all human beings in all aspects of their life, and living – as such I commit myself to develop this relationship and realize that this is the key to freedom – and that happiness is only a form of isolation, and satisfaction in being jailed, and imprisoned in one’s own limitation – as such I commit myself to equalize myself with money – to push through my resistance and become effective with money

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Day 55: Learning From Others Instead of Competing

I will continue in looking at the point of wanting approval, and also the point of competition – because this point have been opening up recently, and have become more intense.

competition-in-businessThus – in looking at this point – I mean – what is the essence of this point? What is the real point that is the origin of the point of jealousy, competition, and desire for approval? I mean – it’s simple to see – it’s worthlessness – and it’s uselessness; because the main thing with competition is that I want to win and what does winning implies? It implies that I am something more, which also implies that I must already see myself as being something less – because why would I else have to fight to apparently become more?

Thus – what I am seeing is that I’ve created myself into this personality, and character that defines itself as being worthless, and useless – and because of that through competition seeks, and desires to become something more – I mean – this is obviously a completely ludicrous, and in-effective way to live – and what is even more fascinating is that – in living from this starting point of wanting to win, and wanting to gain approval – I mean not giving myself the attention, and focus that I require – which means that I am not even able to see, and correct the points in my daily living, and participation that are objectively seen – worthless – meaning – that they are simply not effective points.

So I mean – here I want to suggest that you read this blog by Anna Brix Thomsen about how to fake yourself through school with top grades – because this is precisely what I am talking about here. In essence Anna describes how she during her education focused herself upon winning the competition, and getting the best grades – the top marks – but in doing that she completely compromised her actual learning, and her actual education – because she was so focused upon what was going on outside of her, how others saw her, and what type of value, and status she was able retain in the system; I mean – so this is the point – when competition becomes my focus – then I loose that which should have been my focus all the time – which is ME – MYSELF and my relationship with myself.

I mean – the very reason why I am at this stage not a effective, wholesome, and completely stable human-being is because all of my life have been focused upon competition and looking at what others are doing – instead of actually looking at myself and asking myself: “okay, what is it that you’re doing here?” – such a point of self-introspection haven’t been with me through-out my life because my attention as been “out there” instead of HERE with me within and as each moment of breath.

This is also why it’s so important to understand that this process can only be walked for, and as self – and that it’s simply redundant, and a waste of time to imagine myself to be something more than what I am, or through wanting to be something more than what I am, because then I miss the real point of actual walking here – and I miss facing the real nature of myself – and instead I become a illusion running around trying to hide my real character – instead of simply recognizing my real and true character and then disciplining myself to work with this point, and correct this point – in realizing that I must begin somewhere, and that a thousand mile journey begins with a single step – but it’s important to actually walk that distance and not utilize the mind and imagine that I’ve walked it – when I haven’t.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt and try to quell, and remove my experience of myself as being worthless through competition, and through attempting and trying to win – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that I mean – why simply not remove worthlessness? Why simply not allow myself to be here with myself without fighting myself, without judging myself, and in-fact allowing myself to live and be here in this life without considering, and defining myself as being worthless

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, perceive, and believe that I require to compare myself with others, and compete with others to gain some sort of value, and a definition of myself that I am able to relate too – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that I am in-fact limiting myself, and holding myself back from in-fact living when my focus goes to relationships, and goes to what others are doing, or not doing – and who I am in relation to those – because then I do not focus upon myself and my relationship with myself becomes compromised

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise my relationship with myself through focusing upon comparison, and competition – thinking that I am enhancing my relationship to myself when I am apparently “winning” – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I am merely in-fact destroying my relationship with myself because all of my focus becomes to be something for others to be recognized and feel good about myself – instead of in-fact developing myself within oneness and equality as breath to be a effective, and assertive individual – that do not move by reaction – but that instead invest time to develop self, and to enhance self in real actual practical application as moving with and as the physical here in each and every moment of breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give focus upon enhancing myself – and to change the point of competition – from competing to instead learning from others – appreciating that others are effective and that they are here to show me how I can develop that point of effectiveness in myself as well – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not fully embrace this point of appreciating that others are in-fact very good at what they do – and learn from them – I mean – why do I feel like I have to prove myself and win? It’s completely redundant – instead I accept and allow myself to learn, and expand myself – and further enhance my relationship with myself and this physical reality – to truly become a trustworthy, and stable individual in this world that is able to live in a way that is best for all in all ways

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear learning from others, and fear giving up competition – in fear that I will then loose, and that I will then recognize myself as being inferior – instead of allowing myself to drop this entire idea of more, and less – and realize that I am here in this world and that I exist of the same substance as everyone else – and that there is no actual real competition going on – I mean it’s not like there is a real and actual goal that I must kick a ball into because it all exists in my head – and thus I am in-fact fighting myself as others believing that if I let go of competition that I will loose instead of realizing that I can’t loose against myself – I mean that’s just delusional; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not once and for all let go of the point of wanting to win, and wanting to have approval – and instead appreciate others, learn from others, and be humble – and understanding that I will not loose anything what-so-ever in applying this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that really there is no such point as winning – I mean winning is only a energetic experience and not a actual physical reality – thus it’s quite insane that I strive towards this point and compromise actual physical education, and learning from others – to get to this point of feeling positive in feeling that I’ve won – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not BREATH and bring myself back here to the physical as breath – and to accept and allow myself to walk out of my mind and into the physical – and learn to appreciate the effectiveness of others instead of competing with the effectiveness of others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that competition only leads to division, and it leads to jealousy, and fighting, and it doesn’t lead to sharing, and mutual benefit – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give to myself the understanding that I will not loose anything from letting go of competition – and that I will gain everything from letting go of competition – and that it’s only a decision that I must make too make a shift in my way of living – wherein I accept and allow myself to genuinely learn, and appreciate what others do that is effective – and if it’s practical – to apply it in my own life – as such expanding myself, and as such also the existence of all – because I am a part of all and not my own island so to speak

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and bring myself back here to the physical – and understand that I can’t loose – because in essence competition isn’t real – it’s a made up concept that can only exist when I have an idea of myself as being something more than the physical here – otherwise I would simply be the physical expressing myself as the physical here – knowing that I can’t be more or less than the physical – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live, and fully embrace this understanding that competition can only exist when I am in my mind – and thus in every breath practice being fully here as my human physical body and as such stopping all highs, and lows – and instead living breath, by breath – here in every moment

Self-corrective statements

When I notice that I attempt and try to fix my experience of feeling worthless, through competing, and winning – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this is not going to work – because winning is a polarity opposite of worthlessness – thus the solution is to STOP once and for all – and live HERE in oneness and equality; as such I commit myself to STOP and to instead LEARN from others – instead APPRECIATE others – and also – appreciate myself and stop fighting in understanding that I am sufficient and enough here as myself as the physical

When and as I see, and notice that I am focusing upon what others are doing, or not doing – and that I am competing with them to build up a idea of myself so that I am able to feel secure, and safe – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this is simply self-abusive – and that it’s me not understanding the simplicity of living – which is to be HERE in every breath – and not needing and requiring more than simply being here with me – as such I commit myself to stop fighting myself, and others – and instead LEARN instead use others to EDUCATE myself – and to APPRECIATE others – and also within this APPRECIATE myself within oneness and equality

When and as I see that I am competing because I think that I am through competition apparently enhancing myself – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that I am not enhancing myself through competition – but merely loosing myself in my mind and missing to live here in reality in actual physical oneness and equality – thus missing the chance to be life here; as such I commit myself to realize that competition is never enhancement – as it’s always based upon a state and sense of inferiority – and that real enhancement is to live HERE and work with what is real – without a experience – without a self-definition – simply being here within oneness and equality – as breath – as what is best for all

When and as I see that another is effective in a point, and I go into competition – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that I am within this limiting myself because here is a opportunity for me to learn, and to observe – and to within that enhance my relationship with myself – as such I commit myself to stop competing and to practice humbleness – to LEARN and EDUCATE myself – and understand that I won’t loose anything within doing that – I mean loosing is in itself a mind-fuck – because if I am here as the physical as breath – have I then ever, or can I even loose something? I mean – no – because I am here – and in the next breath – I am here

When and as I see that I fear learning, I fear appreciating others, and fear letting go of competition – because apparently then I will loose; I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that loosing is a delusion, loosing is a mind-fuck – and that I can only loose because I “feel” that I am loosing – I mean but in physical reality I am always here – just the same as I was before I apparently lost – as such I commit myself to humble myself and to walk through this fear – and to in-fact learn from others – and educate myself through looking at, and observing the example that I see others are walking – and as such enhancing my relationship with myself so that I am to become even more effective in my day to day living

When and as I see that I am compromising my actual physical process of learning, and education through going into competition – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – competition only is real when I give it attention, and I decide to act according to it – but it won’t have power over me when I instead change competition to real physical education – as such I commit myself to stop feeling inferior to the effectiveness of others – and instead LEARN and EDUCATE myself through the examples of others that I see in my world – and within this I accept and allow myself to be grateful for the support, and assistance that I receive

When and as I see that I within me glorify competition as something that will enhance my existence – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that in giving attention to, and glorifying competition, I am in-fact missing LIFE – I am missing mutual benefit, mutual giving, and mutual enjoyment – and I place instead fighting before togetherness – I mean that is simply insane; as such I commit myself to honor physical living as that is real togetherness as being here within and as the physical in oneness and equality; as such I commit myself to live – and to walk here as a fully physical being and not as a mind in anyway what so ever

When and as I see that I in-fact consider in my mind competition as being real, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that competition is not a real physical fact – it’s a imaginary creation that I’ve participated within without understanding the consequences of this mental creation – as such I commit myself to bring myself back HERE – and realize that HERE as the physical there is no fighting, there is no competition – there is simply me expressing myself here – and as such I commit myself to stop the mind-job of and as competition and comparison once and for all

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Day 53: Productivity Instead of Stress

Today I had a intense start on the day – because what happened was that during yesterday I became tired, and I decided to take a rest – and within this I said to myself that I would postpone some of my responsibilities and rather do them as I woke up the next day. So, the next day arrived and I found myself being really tired, which meant that I as I got up I didn’t have that much time to walk my responsibilities as I had planned.

productivityThis made me stressed, and somewhat anxious – and on top of this my two cats always requires some attention in the morning, as they are both to come in and get some breakfast, and then also go out again. So, this point awoke within me a reaction of stress, and anxiety – and this in turn resulted in me becoming irritable, and frustrated – wherein I felt that my cat’s where bothering me, and that my responsibilities were bothering me – and that everything, and everyone was simply “taking my time” – and that “there was not enough time to do the stuff I’d planned to do”.

Thus – what I am able to see is that firstly – this stress point is simply not supportive at all, I mean – I can’t accept, and allow myself to become stressed about my responsibilities, as that will not in anyway help me to complete what it is that I am doing – and secondly – I must allow myself to be flexible with my responsibilities, and understand that sometimes my body do require some rest, and I might simply not have the time to walk my responsibility – and that this is not something to make a big deal about, but instead to find a solution – and to maybe direct myself to walk that particular responsibility on a day when I don’t have to go to the work, and simply postpone the point for some days – realizing that it’s better to actually walk the point with sufficient time to do it properly than simply stressing about like a hunted animal trying to do as “much as possible” not realizing that – it doesn’t work that way – and that being effective with a particular point requires more than just “doing it” – it requires that I am HERE with the point – and for me to be HERE with the point it requires that I’ve structured my time so that I am able to give myself the needed moment to immerse myself in the point and do it specifically, and effectively.

This also reveals an interesting pattern as to how I tend to approach responsibilities – I see it as – when I get it done, and I’ve walked the point – then it’s cool; but within this I do not consider the quality of what I’ve done – but more consider that “I’ve done it” – and because of that it’s cool. Obviously this is not how it works – because the quality of what I do means A LOT – and that I can do lot’s of things during a day but if I haven’t done these points specifically they won’t be of much worth – for example – a house that I build fast and sloppily will stand for a shorter time than a house that I build effectively, specifically and meticulously.

Thus – a point I want to give myself is to allow myself to further push the point of patience, and allowing myself to take my time – and stop trying to do “as many things as possible” – and instead decide to do a few things yet do these points effectively, and specifically – realizing and understanding that I don’t have to rush, and that I don’t have to “just do it” – if I actually allow myself to structure my time effectively, and do that in such a way that I have enough time to really get into the point I am working with.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush to get things done, and do as many points as possible, and apparently be as “productive as possible” – instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that when I accept, and allow myself to walk, and participate from this starting point what I produce will lack quality – and substance – because I have not given myself the necessary time to walk, and direct the point specifically, and effectively here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am effective when I am participating in points from a starting point of stress, and “moving fast” and that the more I do – the better I am – and so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breath, and bring myself back here to the physical – and within this accept and allow myself to stop trying to get as many things done as possible – and instead work in the moment – work within and as breath – and walk each breath to completion and try to do more than what I am able and capable to do in one breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that when I stress a point, and try to get a point done only to get it done – I am compromising myself, and I am compromising the results of the point – and really it’s not even of any worth to pursue the point when I am in such a state of hastiness, and hurriedness – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not slow myself down, and to walk my responsibilities effectively – and when I see that there is not enough time for me to do this – to instead decrease the amount of responsibilities that I have – realizing that I can’t do everything in a physical reality that is based upon time, and space – there is only so much time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that in trying to do as many things as possible I am in-fact compromising myself, and that really – it’s better to give my focus and attention unto doing some points – and then giving myself sufficient with time to concentrate, and to immerse myself in those points – and give myself fully to those points without being distracted with fear, and stress; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that when I move myself from within and as stress – I am not particularly effective at all – in-fact I am the opposite and I am only doing to feel productive – instead of doing to in-fact be productive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that there is a difference between feeling as if I am productive, and in-fact being productive – and that feeling productive happens when I do something – but being productive happens when I am HERE fully while doing something – and participating with the point in a state of fully receptivity, and hereness – and I see, realize, and understand that such a point of productivity – can only exist when and as I accept and allow myself to give myself the necessary time, and space to walk the point effectively without having time on my shoulder as a demon screaming to me that “my time is up! And I need to immediately move to the next point!”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice giving myself time – in realizing that I have to push myself to in-fact allow myself to do less points – yet doing these points within having more time – as such allowing myself immerse myself more in the points and in-fact be productive instead of only feeling productive

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am rushing and trying to get “as many points done as possible” – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that when I move myself from this starting point I am not being effective in what I am doing – and that I might feel productive but I am not in-fact productive as a real point; as such I commit myself to slow down and give myself the time to walk each point specifically – and accept the point that there is not unlimited with time – and as such I must focus my time on some points that I want to pursue – and that this is simply how this reality functions and is not something I can get away from; as such I commit myself to structure my time according to reality – and according to the point of giving myself the time necessary to effectively walk my responsibilities calmly, specifically, and effectively – here

When and as I see that I am stressing, and I am trying to get as many points done as possible – simply to get them done – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that to only do something doesn’t mean that I’ve in-fact done something effectively – and as such I realize that I need time, and space to walk a point effectively and that I must give myself this; as such I commit myself to stop trying to save time – and instead use the time I need to walk a point effectively until I am satisfied with the point

When and as I see that I am in a state of hastiness, and hurriedness – as trying to get things done now – fast – and save time; I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that I am within this compromising myself and the points I am walking – because I am not walking them with the necessary diligence, and specificity – but instead mass-producing without any regard for quality; as such I commit myself to practice patience – and practice producing quality and being okay with using the time I need, and require to walk a point effectively, and specifically until I am satisfied with myself

When and as I see that I am structuring my time to get as many points done as possible, in fear of missing out – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I see, realize, and understand that I can’t do everything – it’s not physically possible – and as such it’s better that I focus upon some points, and stabilize myself effectively within these – and make sure that I have the time to pursue these points effectively; as such I commit myself to structure the time of my day not around fear of missing out – but instead around using my time effectively and giving myself the time I need to walk a point specifically, and detailed

When and as I feel productive because I stress, and get “many things done” – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that feeling productive is not the same as in-fact being productive, I mean there is a real difference – in that being productive is something that entails presence and actual quality – while feeling productive is just a internal mental experience and nothing real; as such I commit myself to in-fact be productive – which entails that I am HERE and that I dedicate myself to the point that I am walking and not only try to get it done as fast as possible

I commit myself to give myself the time necessary to walk the points I’ve selected for myself to walk effectively – and to prioritize my time – and to prioritize the points I am walking – to as such use my time effectively and not plan in to much, and not plan in to little – but instead plan perfectly; as such I commit myself to practice planning my time effectively to support productivity instead of stress

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Day 47: Dealing with Headache

man-headacheToday I got a headache – not a severe one – but it hurts enough to bother me; so I am going to look at why this headache came up – because for you that aren’t familiar with the Desteni material: the reason for headaches is participation the mind, and it’s usually due to participation in thoughts, and backchat that have repeated during the week – so one have to look back during the week to see what thoughts have mulled around in the head.

Now, I am quite clear about what caused this head-ache because it came up in an instant, and very specifically in relation to a thought that came up in that moment – and this point is in relation to success, and wanting to develop self – the paranoia of self-development. And now – this is not a supportive self-development that I am talking about – it’s an obsession with self-development that I’ve undertaken because I want to feel smart, and appear knowledgeable – which is interestingly enough more a point of devolution rather than evolution.

So – before the head-ache began I was occupying myself with studying, and reading up on some subjects that I’ve decided to get to know better; obviously – this is a cool point because the knowledge is practical, and will assist me in my daily living – though – what I’ve done that is not effective, and practical – is that I’ve created a ego-point around this self-education point.

I will as such when I learn new stuff go into a state of excitement, and indulge in grandiose pictures of myself in my mind – and I will feel energetically high – like I am riding the waves – empowering myself, and becoming better; feeling like I am able to take on the world. So – this is the ego-part of learning new things, which is also obstructing me from in-fact learning new things – because I tend to want to learn “more” and go “faster” – and be more time-efficient, which results in me not giving the point that I am walking appropriate time, and attention – and then I won’t actually understand what I am learning – so I am becoming negligent to the process of actually learning – because: I want to reach the end, and get results, and get over there! I mean – it’s interesting – I mentioned this point in my blog yesterday as well – this point of wanting to reach for the stars, but not wanting to go through the actual process of building that rocket-ship, and organizing the entire trip – to then after having walked the necessary labor actually go out and travel to the stars – it’s this McDonalds type behavior – that I want things fast, and I want them now!

Thus – I will be careless with my education process, because I want to become more educated, and I want to feel smart, and intelligent – and be better than others – so the point in essence stems from a inferiority, which I am trying to escape through competition – wherein I am using knowledge as a way to boost my ego and feel less inferior; while obviously – this is not a solution because it will not remove my experience of inferiority – it will only increase my inferiority, because I will further polarize the point into a positive, and negative state – instead of immediately correcting the point of inferiority, and within this allow myself to be satisfied with myself.

I mean – because this is also a huge part as to why I go into this striving-character of as fast as possible “trying to get there” – it’s because I don’t allow myself to be satisfied with myself; I mean – sure – it’s also important not to be over-satisfied with self, which in essence is a form of slothfulness, and indolence – where I am “satisfied with myself even though I don’t do anything; that point isn’t valid either. Though the opposite point of all the time striving, stressing, pressing, forcing – this is not valid either – and obviously – the reason for both these points being invalid is that they are based on a state of energy – and a state of energy is always more, or less than pure physical self-expression here – while pure physical self-expression on the other hand is in complete equilibrium with this moment here – wherein there is a natural, slow, consistent, and determined development process that occurs – wherein I am moving, and directing myself – yet doing this breath-by-breath – like a snail that slowly but with certainty moves, and walks a certain path – until the destination is reached – and even though it looks like it’s going slow – it doesn’t matter – because the snail will eventually reach his goal.

So, what I am seeing as a solution to end this strife-character, and this energetic state of competition – is to align myself with the movement of breath, and be gentle with myself – now – being gentle with myself is as I explained in yesterday’s blog – a point of moving myself gracefully, and softly in every moment – wherein I am not in a state of rush, or energy of trying to get as much as possible done, as fast as possible – but that I am moving consistently with the breath here – one breath at a time.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a state of superiority, and feeling more than, and better than – and imagining myself in all types of magnificent positions in the world – of being seen, and being famous – doing this because I experience myself as inferior, and being dissatisfied with myself – feeling that I have to strife, and do more, and become more, for me to be satisfied with myself; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a state of being rushed, and a state “trying to do as much as possible in the shortest time-frame possible” – instead of accepting and allowing myself to move on breath per breath basis – allowing myself to move in equality and oneness with my human physical body – not trying to do more, and not trying do less – but instead simply living here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I require to impress upon others that I have particular knowledge, and compete with others to gain some sort of recognition, and value in this world-system – for me to stop this inferiority; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not understand that I don’t have become “more than” to stop my experience of being “less than” – because I mean – both these points are invalid – and the solution is instead to STOP creation – to stop creating myself through and as energy – and instead deciding to create myself as the living movement of breath in every moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not create myself as the slowness, gentleness, meticulousness, and specificity, and consistency of breath – I mean breath is really this amazing point – that goes out, and in – all day long – consistent with the same movement – and the body will naturally align the breathing pattern to what physical points must be directed – and within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to align with this point of breathing – and allow myself to be consistent, stable, and simple – in focusing on the simple movement of myself as simply being here – and walking the point that is HERE without no ego, or mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to turn self-education into a point of ego – wherein I feel, and experience that I become “more than” and “better than” when I learn new things, and when I acquire new information – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from self-education – and think that knowledge and information is more than me, and adds to me more value than what I currently have – instead of accepting and allowing myself to purify my starting point for self-education – in understanding that knowledge and information can be used to enhance my life-experience, and effectiveness in this world, and reality – but it doesn’t change WHO I AM – as I remain the same – a physical breath movement here – that is not defined by this world; that is in this world – but not off this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that education doesn’t make me who I am – it’s instead a point that I am able to enhance my effectiveness in this life – and to make informed, and effective decisions that have an outflow as what is best for all – but it doesn’t make me more, or less – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop this point of excitement, and feeling superior, and energetically evolving – when and as I am studying – in realizing knowledge, and information is merely a practical point of knowledge and information – and it’s nothing that is more than, or less than – and I mean – learning new things is physically equal to anything else in my world that is physical – such as for example going out and taking a walk – and as such it simply doesn’t make any sense to exalt education to some form of god status in my world; but instead use education as self-support for me to become effective in this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exalt educated persons in my mind – in thinking that persons that hold much knowledge of the world, and that are for example professors, or other type of academics, are more than “normal people” more than “working class people” – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within me, want and desire to reach, and attain a status within me of being able to see, and define myself as being educated – and knowledgeable – and wise

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want, and desire to accumulate as much knowledge as I can possibly do in this life – to as such feel, and experience myself as being superior, and more-than; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to glorify knowledge, to glorify so-called intelligence, to glorify so-called wisdom – instead of understanding that looking at the world – there are many of these people that are intelligent, and knowledgeable in the world – yet nothing has changed; I mean why is this? It’s simple – it’s because knowledge, and information is useless without practical application – and I mean – the point of the practical application that is the point of the principle – the “who I am” – and this is the point that is of primary importance as it determines my very daily-living – and as such I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand – that even though I accumulate all knowledge in the world – it will be useless unless I sort out my relationship with myself – and allow myself align myself with the physical – and practice living what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to glorify knowledge, and information – because my parents did that – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to simply copy my parents, and also begin to glorify information, and knowledge, instead of questioning the point – and asking myself – but hey – is this point really so fucking awesome? I mean – what is it with knowledge, and information really that makes it so important, and cool? And within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to understand that knowledge, and information without a effective living-principle – is useless – because it will be used to further self-interest, and further separation, division, and meaningless suffering – and hierarchical abuse – and so I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to understand that simplicity is the point that is worthy of real respect, and glory – the simplicity of living breath – of living care – of living respect – of living consideration – of living what is best for all; that is what have been missed in humanity – where simplicity have been interpreted as a weakness – while simplicity is really the key to creating a better world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to glorify wisdom, as knowledge – instead of understanding that wisdom, and knowledge is really but arrogance, and presumption hidden in beautiful words, and complex sentences – to make it appear as if there is an advanced intelligence behind the words – while really there is nothing of substance at all – and I mean – there is nothing of the strength that is hidden in the so very simple points of nature – such for example a cat, or a dog – that are so simple – yet still hold more substance, and value – and worth – than what any wise man, or knowledgeable human-being have been able to muster – simply because of one thing; that the animals are REAL – they live, and express themselves with and as the physical – within and as PRACTICALITY – and that is what is missed when knowledge is glorified – that this world is practical and only practical physical self-movement is real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to glorify, and embellish philosophers, and people that think a lot – and that have many opinions about many different things – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dedicate my life to become one of these “smart persons” – instead of asking myself – but hey – what is really the value of this? I mean – me seemingly being smart – as having a particular vocabulary and being able to express this with confidence – is that really of any substance at all? And I mean – obviously – no – it’s not of any substance – because substance is not trying to impress others, or competing with others – it’s instead daring to live without self-interest – without a hidden agenda – and live practically what is best for all; which would in relation to self-education – be to focus one’s self-education to learn about points for a practical reason – so that one could then use the information to practically enhance one’s living expression in day-to-day living

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I go into a character of strife, of trying to “get results” and do as much as possible in the shortest time-frame possible – to apparently “be effective with my time” – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this idea of time-effectiveness that I’ve created in my mind – is completely delusional – as it’s based upon the idea that the results are separate from the process of achieving and walking these results – thinking that I mean – to compromise the process and being negligent in my process of walking the point of learning, or establishing something – apparently won’t have any effect on the results; instead of understanding that the final outcome is always equal and one to the process walked to establish the point – and if the process isn’t walked in specificity and detail – then the results will not be effective; as such I commit myself to practice living patience, being composed, and steady in my application – moving consistently one foot in-front of the other – and not trying to make a “giant leap for mankind” so to speak

When and as I try to gain a energetic state of superiority to end my experience of inferiority – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this point – as the idea that apparently I can end my negative experiences through imposing unto myself positive experiences – it’s not real; it’s merely a McDonalds solution – wanting to be fine, and cool with myself – without actually doing the labor of looking into how I’ve specifically created myself – and how I am able to re-create myself as what is best for all; as such I commit myself to dare to go into the nitty-gritty of my negative states – and understand the dealing with the problem at it’s core – is the only solution

When and as I see that I go out of the state of natural breathing, and being aligned with and as my breath – in that I go into a state of trying to be more than breath, and more than this moment here – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – being more than here is an illusion – and implies that I go into my mind – which really means that I become less; because I will go into my mind and live in a illusion which is by design inferior to the physical as reality; as such I commit myself to see that living HERE in every moment – and walking this breath here fully – that is enough – that is sufficient – and that is really the epitome of living – because it’s being real – and there is no point in this existence that is more than this point of HERE

When and as I see that I define myself as being “educated” and I create an energetic state within me of feeling that I am more than, and better than – advanced, and evolved; I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this point of thinking that I am more than because I’ve read something, or integrated some knowledge – I mean – it’s not real – it’s a fake experience – and the proof that it’s fake – is that it’s not a practical and factual point that I can observe and use practically in my world to support me – it’s a mental divergent from physical actual reality; as such I commit myself to study as a practical point – understanding that knowledge, and information doesn’t define me – as I am in this world – but not off this world

When and as I see that I am exalting the process of integrating new information, as studying, and as being educated to some type of godhood within me – thinking that it’s the “ultimate point” – and that I am really “becoming more” when I educate myself; I immediately stop myself – I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – this point of thinking that information is making me better, making me higher – I mean – it’s a illusion – and the proof is existent in this world – a world that is obsessed with creating, and learning information – yet has this produced a better world? No – merely more effective way’s for human-beings to kill, and lie to one another – that is not real evolution; as such I commit myself to understand that information is useless unless it’s used – practically used – to benefit everyone – as what is best for all

When and as I see that I am exalting academic persons in my mind, thinking that they are special, and above “normal” people – or “working class” people – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that society would not function without the carpenter, or the garbage-man, or the locomotive driver – I mean academics serve their purpose but it’s not more important than a practical point in this reality; as such I commit myself to stop exalting academica to some type of godhood in my mind – and I commit myself to see that academic knowledge is just that – academic knowledge

When and as I see that I am glorifying knowledge, and apparently “smart people” – thinking that these kind of people are so cool, and impressive – and that I want to become just like them – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – I mean knowledge is useless without practical application – knowledge for the sake of knowledge is only unnecessary and obviously only the ego can benefit from such a point – as the desire to seem to be more than another; as such I commit myself to accumulate knowledge that is practically relevant to my life – and the creation of world that is best for all – and just accumulate knowledge for the sake of knowledge

When and as I see that I am glorifying, and seeking to appear complex, and intelligent, and deep, and profound, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that everything is in reverse – thus it’s not complexity, or profoundness that is the solution – it’s simplicity and changing the very ordinary, and normal points of living life to become life-supportive – I mean – this is what has been missed in humanity as a whole – we all want to become super-heroes, and save the day – and kill the evil genius with one heroic blow – not realizing that the super-hero point is not taking into consideration that life is about simple daily acts – a day to day living where there is no big events – and that big events is created through the accumulation of smaller events as small daily actions; and as such I commit myself to focus upon correcting my living simplicity – and my ordinariness – to as such understand that real change doesn’t happen super-hero style – but happens instead slowly, but surely – in applying oneself in the simplicity of supporting oneself in every breath to remain clear – stable, and effective

When and as I see that I glorify complexity, knowledge, information, and philosophy – and regard this as more than simplicity; I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that simplicity is the key to changing this world and reality – because in simplicity one is able to remain here as breath – and act within and as the moment – as simply seeing what is here and then making a decision, and walking that decision; I mean that is simple – instead of being complex – wherein one get’s stuck in thinking about a point – considering all kinds of made up mental rules, and regulations – looking at what is best, and what isn’t – instead of simply seeing, and acting; as such I commit myself to practice simplicity – which is to practice living here as breath directly – and not allow a mental wall to exist between me and reality

When and as I see that I am accumulating information to become, and feel more than – better than – and like I have a higher value than others; I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that information in itself is useless – and to sit and gather information merely for the sake of having lot’s of information one is able to repeat – I mean that is both ludicrous, and also useless – and a waste of time; as such I commit myself to make sure that I accumulate knowledge from a starting of supporting in my practical day-to-day living – and not to create a feeling, and experience within me of being more than

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Day 46: Grades, and Marks

Today I’ve had many various reactive experiences – though I will zone in on one in particular and give my attention to this point. And – the point I will be writing about today will be – grades, and marks.

634844382325156250Some time ago I received my marks for the latest term I’ve gone through at the university – and they were not top-marks; now – within this I didn’t have a major reaction – or I mean – this I what I’d like to think to myself; that I “handled it” and I was “cool” with it – but really the thoughts, and experiences that come up within me tell another story.

So, what kind of inner backchat is it that has been arising within me? We’ll – I’ve had these small subtle moments, wherein I will look at the marks I received during this semester – and within that I will make a quick, and hasty judgment of myself – very subtly; and then after I’ve made this judgment I will think to myself: “next semester I am going to what is required! I am going to get top-marks next semester!” – and then after that I will sort of go through in my mind the various steps I will require to take in order to really push myself to get top marks, and then also go through some fears, and anxieties as to problems that might occur that will not allow me to get top-marks.

It’s fascinating – that I actually care this much about marks, and that it will possess me to such an extent that I will miss the physical breath that is here in-front of me – thus – I want to get to a point where this type of thoughts, and considerations do not exist within me; I mean – I am clearly able to see that this particular backchat-pattern stems from disappointment, and a experience that I’ve “failed” – and that my solution-thinking is a way which I combat this initial experience of feeling like a failure, and that I’ve not done enough to get my top-marks.

Another interesting aspect is how I will within me my mind sort of have a big audience that looks at me – and this mental audience consists of various people in my world – for example classmates; and then I will in my mind hold my achievements, and results before this mental audience – and observe their reactions – for example – in relation to my classmates that exist in my mental audience – I will hold up my results that were not top-mark – and then within that see them think/observe my results and comment that I should’ve gotten better results, because I studied so much – I mean now my studies where all in vain.

So, it’s really fascinating that I’ve this inner jury that I show my results in life too – I show them my plans, my decisions, my experiences, and then I let this jury decide whether it’s good or bad, right or wrong, correct, or incorrect. Obviously this jury is in actuality ME – as my own self-judgments that I’ve projected unto others – and wherein I’ve tried to live up to what I’ve thought to be “others expectations” – but in reality they are my expectations – and it shows me that I am not allowing myself to accept myself – and respect myself.

I am currently listening to the series about Judgment that can be found in the Eqafe-store – and I see that this point I am walking through now is relevant to what they say in that series; because really what I am doing in critically evaluating myself like this – is that I am in-fact bullying, and harassing myself; sort of standing inside me with a whip, and a carrot – saying – “go there and you’ll get a carrot” – or – “bad, bad!! Now I must whip you for your naughtiness” – so it’s interesting.

What’s more about this is that I’ve in-fact internalized the critique I perceived that I was receiving from my parents as I grew up; back then I felt that I was being criticized – but nowadays I don’t have any parents around anymore, and I am doing this towards myself; really shows that it was me all along that was hard on myself, and criticized myself – and that’s never been about my parents, but about who I am within me.

slow-downI can see that this point of self-criticism is prevalent in many areas of my life – process being one of them; because a tendency that I have is that I want to move fast, I want to move really fast – I mean get through point, by point – and clear it all up; and when I do have reactions – I judge myself – saying “I should have this reaction – now I must apply self-forgiveness!” – and then I move myself to correct the point from a starting point of self-judgment – and wanting the point to “get away” – instead of moving myself from a starting point of me exploring myself, and being grateful that I have the opportunity to re-create myself in all areas of my world – and that the mind is nothing bad, or wrong – it’s merely a misaligned system that requires labor to be directed into what is best for all.

Thus – one of the points I see will assist me to let go of this self-criticism is that I allow myself to not take myself so seriously, and also allow myself to make mistakes, and be cool with it – and let the points I walk take time – and also – not have any expectations of what results I achieve – but instead walk for the sake of walking – enjoying the process, and not wanting to get to the end immediately. I mean – that’s interesting because it’s similar to how I’ve realized I behave in sex – I mean – often I will want to go to the orgasm, and the sexual epitome immediately – and I don’t want to go through the physical and practical process that is required for me to get there; and so this also reveals another point that will assist, and support me to let go of self-criticism – and that is to be patient with myself – and to understand that comparison is not real – because I am an individual with a background that is unique – thus how can I possibly compare myself to another when no two person’s have the same life-baggage? It’s impossible and really an illusion – it’s not real – only a distraction, and a justification for me to continue to judge myself.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be hard on myself, and criticize myself when I don’t achieve the results that I’ve expected, and desired, and hoped for – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have hopes, expectations, wants and desires for a particular outcome – instead of accepting and allowing myself to walk breath by breath – and not create a mental future in my mind that I think I must achieve in order for me to be satisfied with myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use self-criticism to motivate myself to change, and to better myself – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not instead motivate myself to change, and be better – and become more effective – through me enjoying to expand myself, and enjoying to challenge myself – and enjoying to grow, and to become more – I mean – it’s not bad, or wrong, or worthy of criticism to fail, or not make it – it’s simply what it is – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop judging myself and instead focus upon living, and enjoying myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive, and define life as being a struggle, and a hardship – instead of realizing that it’s me that is actively making life to be a struggle, and a hardship – because I am constantly being hard on myself, and I am constantly judging myself – and I am not allowing myself to give myself some room, some space to actually fail, and to not be successful – but I am having this relentless view of myself that I must be successful, and I must make it – whatever I do – and that not doing this is the greatest, and most shameful thing that can exist – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be gentle with myself, and not be patient with myself – and to allow myself to walk points that open in my reality slowly, specifically, and without hasting, and without creating expectations, and desires as to what results I should achieve

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, and believe that living without a drive to achieve results is a waste of time, and will make me ineffective – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value the results more than process of achieving results – not understanding that I mean – the process will be equal and one to the results achieved – and thus if I walk my process in such a way that I do not cater for myself – give myself space, room, and nourishment to grow – I mean – then my results will be limited, and I will have chased the results – but they will be inferior as to what they could’ve been if I walked slowly, meticulously – and taking me time – being patient, being gentle – and moving slowly forward without feeling that it must go faster

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that I mean – my life could be so much more enjoyable, and expansive – and more like a adventure that I go into and allow myself to explore and enjoy – if I let go of self-criticism – and self-judgment; because in releasing myself from these points of limitation – I will be able to venture into any project, or any point that emerge – and simply experience, and walk through the point physically – enjoying the actual act, and movement of walking the point – and not being in my mind – worrying, fearing, and experiencing anxiety as to what results I am going to achieve

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when I criticize myself, and when I am being hard on myself – that I have more effective results, that I am more effective in life, and living – and that I am able to produce a better outcome for myself – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that criticism, and judgment is always detrimental – as it tears on my very beingness – and slowly but surely breaks me down; I mean that is what happens in abusive relationships – the one person breaks the other person down physically and mentally – and what’s left is a broken human-being that is not able to move; as such I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that the same principle applies within me – that if I constantly criticize myself, and I am hard on myself – then I will break myself down – and I will be less likely to dare to walk projects, and points – because I will create this belief within me that “I am not good enough anyway”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not support, and assist myself – and be encouraging towards myself – I mean – such a simple point as encouraging myself instead of judging myself would change a lot – so for example – when I do fail, or miss a goal that I’ve set for myself – instead of criticizing myself – I could simply encourage myself with these practical points that I see I am living, and walking – for example see the cool points that I did actually walk in attempting to manifest a success; for example I was disciplined, and I was diligent, and I really was committed to the point – and within that also encourage myself to change, and become even more effective – and such stop breaking myself down within me – and instead focus upon building myself up – supporting myself, strengthening myself – and using my mistake to make myself even better, and more effective

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that by breaking myself down I become stronger – instead of realizing, and understanding that this is not true – I mean – by breaking myself down I am in-fact breaking – and that is not becoming stronger – the same principle applies to physical points – I mean if I break my computer it won’t become stronger it will become less functional – the same goes with me; as such I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to focus upon being a support for myself, being a helping hand for myself – being a real buddy for myself – and allowing myself to eradicate criticism from within me – so that I will never again criticize and be hard on myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to equate, and define gentleness as a weakness – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being gentle with myself – in fear that if I allow myself to be gentle with myself then I will not survive in this world, and I will not be able to walk point in my life, and my reality – I will not able to be disciplined and get things done – because I apparently I need to punish myself, and judge myself, and criticize myself to get things done – and so I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that this is simply not true – I mean it’s common sense that discipline doesn’t require the threat of punishment – instead discipline can be walked from a starting point of commitment, from a starting point of doing what is best for self, and all – thus giving to self, and being grateful for being able to give this point to self – and as such not using anymore judgment, self-punishment, and mental bullying to move myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being gentle with myself, and to believe that I don’t know how to be gentle with myself – and I don’t know how to take it easy with myself – and I don’t know how to be a buddy for myself – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not understand that I do not know this – because I’ve not ever allowed myself to define gentleness, and live gentleness for and as myself – but here I am able to see that the application of gentleness is a actual physical – practical application – of allowing myself to slow down, and to be considerate in each moment – to not want to jump ahead, or speed up – but to be a slow-moving being – that is patient – wherein there is no stress, and no attempt to reach greater heights – but instead a slow but certain movement in each moment – that I am here – and I move, and direct myself – in the pace and movement of breath

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I go into speedy-living – wherein I want to achieve results, and I want to get THERE – and I want to make it NOW, and be DONE – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that in living this speedy-living – I am compromising my presence, and stability here – and I am not allowing myself to actually live, to experience life – and so-called: smell the roses; as such I commit myself to slow down – to breath – and to live each moment to the fullest – and to not spend my time wanting, and desiring to “reach there” – and “make that” and “complete that” – I mean – that’s not living – that’s searching for life instead of being life; as such I commit myself to be life instead of searching for life

When and as I see that I am moving myself, and applying myself through motivating myself utilizing fear, and self-punishment – and thinking that I must become more – because apparently I am currently lacking; I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that I mean – living from that starting point makes life a struggle, and a pain in the ass – because nothing is ever enjoyable by itself – as it must always become something, lead to something for it to be of worth – instead of allowing the moment in itself, the process of walking in itself – to be worth – to be valuable – to be enjoyable – to be life and living; as such I commit myself to enjoy the process of walking a point – and to allow myself to be motivated by enjoying to expand myself, I mean seeing that it’s natural and common sense to challenge myself – and to go beyond my limitations – and that it’s nothing that must be done from fear – or lack – but instead something that I naturally do breath by breath – expanding myself here

When and as I see that I want to haste, and speed things up – because I feel that this is the only way to achieve results – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that really – slowing down is the key to being effective – really it’s common sense – because in being slow – I am able to see reality – and be aware of what is here – while in being a fast-mover – I don’t see anything at all – it’s same principle of speed that applies to physical reality as well – for example – when driving a car at a high speed I can’t see the detail of my surroundings – but when I walk the same path – I can see everything clearly, and be able to look at details – and even stop and go down on my knees to investigate some point; as such I commit myself to slow down – and to be content with being a slow being – I mean really – slowness have been so underestimated in this world – because apparently being fast means that you can experience a lot of life – instead of understanding that life is what is here in every moment – and not something that you’re able to run towards, and sort of achieve as some sort of race that you’ve won

When and as I see that I am not giving myself space, room, and time – in essence being patient with myself – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that to be effective I must give myself nourishment – and I must treat myself as a plant – and a plant requires nutrition – and so do I – as such nutrition would be to live my life in a balanced way – to be slow with me, and my application – to stop trying to reach over there and instead live here – seeing that there is really no there – but that the only point that is actually real is here; as such I commit myself to treat myself like a plant – and ask myself – how can I support myself to grow? How can I support myself to stabilize myself? How can I support myself to evolve, and develop myself? And as such I commit myself to become like a gardener for myself that garden life

When and as I see that I am not allowing myself to be HERE with the point that I am walking, but that I want to finish – I want to get it done – I want to move to the next point, and be “productive” and “fast” – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this fast-paced living is what makes me miss life – and miss myself – because I am not allowing myself to be HERE with me – understanding that there is nothing better, or more, greater, than me here; as such I commit myself to slow down – and to walk a point until the point is done – and clear – and I mean then walk to the next point – using breath as the motivation for me to move forward

When and as I see that I am going into self-criticism, and being hard on myself – because I think that “It’s good for me” – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that breaking something down is never good – I mean I wouldn’t break down my bicycle, or destroy my clothes – thinking that they would become more durable, and effective by me doing that – it’s simply insane; as such I commit myself to be careful with myself, to be gentle with myself – and to care for myself

When and as I see that I focus on the negative in relation to a particular point that I am walking – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that in focusing on the negative – I mean – that’s what I am creating – and when I don’t allow myself to see the entire picture, and understand that “hey! There is actually some cool points here!” – then I create the experience within me of feeling like a failure – even though that’s not at all true – because I mean there were points that were cool – so as such I commit myself to focus upon supporting myself – looking at where I am effective and making myself even more effective on those points – and then not overwhelming myself by looking “everything that’s negative” – but instead being patient with myself in realizing that perfection is a skill that isn’t magically created – but that is earned through labor – and that labor will take time and will only be able to be done when I support, and encourage myself instead of breaking myself down

When and as I think that I become stronger when I break myself down, and I feel kind of cool within me – like all manly – because I am criticizing something of myself – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand how this idea is absurd – it’s based upon this belief that “what doesn’t kill makes you stronger” – I mean that’s an idiotic presumption – and I mean there are tons of proof in this world that shows that this isn’t the case – and it’s so easy to prove this to oneself; as such I commit myself to realize and understand that breaking down doesn’t make me stronger – it makes me broken – as such I commit myself to instead build myself, to instead work on myself – and construct on myself – and treat myself with care, and gentleness – because that’s how real development is facilitated

When and as I see that I don’t know how to live gentleness, and how to be caring, and considerate with myself – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – I mean living gentleness is simple – it’s me being physically gentle – and how is that done? I mean – just like I experience a wind sweeping over my cheek – that I can physically experience is gentle – it’s soft, and it’s really comfortable – that’s how I must move, and direct myself within myself – I mean being that gentleness in my breath, in my physical movements, in my living – practicing to slow down and to feel and really be here with the moment – and to not expect there to be more, or to get somewhere else – but to really be HERE and take in the moment that is here; as such I commit myself to live gentleness as a slow and comfortable breath – and a slow, patient, and diligent movement – that isn’t forced – that isn’t strenuous – but that is certain – and effective

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Day 34: Working With What Is Real

In the last blog – which you can read HERE – I took a part nervousness from the perspective of seeing what positive experiences I’ve connected to me for example standing in front of my class holding a presentation, or writing my exams – and the reason for this is to remove my idea(L) that I have of myself – as to who I believe/want to be – and instead get down to the nitty gritty of working with how I in-fact experience myself when it is that I stand before many people, or I do my exams.

Thus – today I am going to work my actual physical experience when I do exams, or hold a presentation – and I will also simultaneously walk the point of stopping conflict within me – in seeing that I don’t have to fight the real experience of me because it apparently doesn’t coincide with my idea-experience of myself as how I think I should experience myself – I mean – there is no need to fight what I already exist and live as – instead it’s to understand, and get to know the real me – and then place myself in a position wherein I am able to actually and for real correct myself.

NervousnessBlogSo – how do I really experience myself in these situations? Well – I become physically tense, and go into nervousness – which results in me not being able to effectively deal with the situation. One of the reasons for this is because I don’t know who to be – I don’t know how to look – I don’t know how to present myself – I have no real foundation so to speak. This is though something I’ve already worked with when I’ve prepared myself for my exams – I’ve actually structured a systematic structure as a way which I am to answer questions – and I this was effective to keep me more stable in the moment of writing my exams. For example – in my structure I stated that I must read slowly, and be focused on the words that are written on the question I am given – I must not jump, and stress through the initial stage of reading the question because then I will miss important information; and as I applied this on my exams – I was actually much more stable.

So – establishing a foundation – a MEness – that is important because that is something I currently lack – and I see that this will be done through writing out a structured way as to how to walk the point, who I am within in, and what specifically I am going to do – and then walking this physically.

A second prominent point that comes up is fear of the unknown – because I can’t really prepare myself completely when I am facing an event such as an exam, or a presentation – because there is always that small point of a uncertainty – a probability that something might go wrong, and that I then as this happen – won’t be prepared to deal with the consequences effectively.

Thus – another important point to establish is self-trust – because I see that in standing as self-trust – I will not fear the unknown as I will trust myself to direct myself through the point of the unknown and deal with any situation that might emerge.

Self-forgiveness

1. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the unknown, and distrust myself in the face of the unknown – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to read a situation – and understand how a situation might respond to me – and what I must say, or do for the situation to respond to me in a way that I experience as being positive – so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can’t trust myself – and that when I trust myself something will go wrong, and I won’t be able to correct the mistakes that flows from this wrongness

2. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having information as to what will happen if I say, or do a certain thing – so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being blind so to speak, in not being able to calculate the consequences of my actions – and how others will see, and experience me – when it is that I act and live in particular ways – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe, and perceive that I require information, knowledge, and being able to calculate future consequences in order to be “safe” and trust myself

3. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that trusting myself is something that happens to me when I am able to know what is going to happen in the future – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone me trusting myself, and prevent me from trusting myself in thinking and believing that I must have something more – I must get something more – I must achieve something more – and I must wait before someone give me a permission that I am able to trust myself – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not BREATH – be HERE – and to get myself moving within and as oneness and equality as my human physical body – and stop waiting for someone, or something else to save me before I trust myself here

4. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, and believe that I am not yet mature enough to trust myself – and that trusting myself is something that comes, and happens with age – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not let go of my fear, and my anxiety – and my worry, and my nervousness – and to see, realize, and understand that self-trust does not develop through waiting – but through me deciding, and willing myself to develop self-trust – through actually living and walking in such a way that I am able to trust that who I am is what is best for all – and that I will not compromise myself and fall prey to experiences, and illusions of and as the mind

5. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, perceive, and believe that I need, and require someone else to tell me that I am ready to trust myself – and that I am ready to go – so to speak – instead of accepting and allowing myself to say to myself that – hey! I am ready when I decide to be ready! And as such – I am able to decide here that I trust myself – and to stop fearing the unknown – to stop fearing trusting myself – and simply do it – and as such apply the statement of “just do it!” – because really that is what it all comes down to – to actually make the decision and walk the decision – and in-fact do it!

Self-commitment statements

1. When and as I feel, and experience that I can’t trust myself – because something will go wrong when I trust myself – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – the fact is that what I experience is – a experience! Thus – a experience indicates that what is coming up within me is coming from the mind – automatically activated without my direct movement, and decision – and thus it’s not trustworthy; as such I commit myself to not trust the experience of myself that I can’t trust myself because something will go wrong – and I commit myself to act – and decide to trust myself here in this moment

2. When and as I see, and notice that I experience fear trusting myself – because I think that I can’t trust myself if I am not able to know the consequences of my actions beforehand – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – I can decide to trust myself regardless of the situation that I am in – or the point that I am facing – simply because it’s about SELF-trust – and not about OTHER-trust – and thus I commit myself to decide to trust myself – and see that it’s only me that can decide and walk this point for myself here

3. When and as I see, and notice that I think, and experience that I must wait with trusting myself – because I must have something more, achieve something more, and get someone to allow me to trust myself – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – it’s about me taking a decision and trusting myself – thus I can’t wait for my environment to change me – I must stand as the catalyst – I must stand as the start – and I must take the first step and not allow myself to wait anymore; as such I commit myself to practice trusting myself as a self-decision in the moment – that I walk regardless of what it is that I am facing here in this moment

4. When it is that I see I go into and as a belief that I can’t trust myself because I am not yet mature enough, and that I can’t direct myself to trust myself because this is something that happens with time, and as I grow older – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – I mean – to believe that I will be able to trust myself more with time is simply an illusion – because look at most old people –they’ve also no self-trust and they’ve walked an entire lifetime in this world; as such I commit myself to stop using this excuse – to bring myself back here – and to see that I have to decide to trust myself – I have to stop waiting – and I have to actually do it because no one will do it for me

5. When and as I see that I am waiting to trust myself, because I feel that I have to have someone that tells me that – “okay, now you can trust yourself!” – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this point of deciding to trust myself is something that I must give to myself, and nobody will say to me ever that “now I can trust myself” and even if they do – the decision is still MINE because there is only ME inside of ME – thus only ME that can decide who I am – and what I will live, and stand as; as such I commit myself to make the decision to trust myself HERE and without waiting and postponing

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Day 33: Nervousness Dissected

Today I am going to continue to investigate my positive experiences in relation to points that I become nervous in relation towards – the reason being that – when holding unto a positive experience and projecting this unto a particular point in one’s world, the consequence will be a equal polarity opposite of a negative experience – and here this experience is nervousness.

I suggest for anyone that desire to take on this point for themselves to invest in these interviews – well worth the money!

https://eqafe.com/p/deconstructing-nervousness-atlanteans-part-89
https://eqafe.com/p/overcoming-nervousness-atlanteans-part-90
https://eqafe.com/p/overcoming-nervousness-part-2-atlanteans-part-91
https://eqafe.com/p/sounding-self-forgiveness-for-nervousness-atlanteans-part-92
https://eqafe.com/p/finalising-nervousness-support-atlanteans-part-93

public-speaking-fearThus – let’s see – how is it that I view myself in relation to doing my exams, and speaking in front of people? As these are two points within which nervousness arise.

1) I am able to see that I experience a sense of false calm – I feel within me that “I am good at these kinds of things – and there is no way that I can fail” – so it’s form of superiority wherein I blow myself up within myself – thinking that this experience is me – while really – my actual physical experience while really walking the point of the exams, or speaking in-front of my class – is something completely different than calm, and boastful.

2) I feel that there is a sense of hope, and excitement in relation to this point – I experience it as if I’ve a opportunity to prove myself, and go somewhere new in my life, and reality – and within this I tend to have a sort of confidence within me – wherein I state that “I can do this!” – a confidence that then fails to shows up when it is that I am actually performing the point.

3) There is a expectation within me – as a desire to perform, and show everyone that “I can do it!” – “I can be the best on this point!” – “I can really make others notice me!” – thus it’s a desire to have attention, and to be seen – and also to be courageous, self-independent, and assertive.

So – these are the positive points that I’ve attached to the promise of walking exams, or speaking in-front of a group – what I am doing here is that I am removing the illusory part of my experience as the positive so that I am able to amalgamate myself, and merge with my real experience of me while doing my exams, and public speaking assignments – because within doing that I will place myself in a position of being able to direct reality, and change myself for real.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as being a superior to orator, a superior people’s person – and in relation to doing public speaking, or walking my exams – go into and as a state of positive excitement – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create positive ideas of myself in relation to walking in pressure situations, and doing public speaking – instead of accepting and allowing myself to be honest with myself in seeing that I do not actually feel, and experience myself positive while walking these events – and that my idea of myself in my mind – as how I’d like to be – is not in-fact how it is that I exist within and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as, and create an idea of myself as being able to be calm, directive, and effective when walking tests in school, and when doing public speaking assignments – so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach situations with this false idea, and experience myself – and then go into panic, and self-judgment when it is that this idea, and false experience of myself as I do perform the public speaking, or the exam – immediately disappear and is replaced by nervousness in it’s nth degree

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that it’s ludicrous to think that the idea, and experience that the mind presents within me – as to how I would apparently experience myself while walking a test, and walking a exam – is real, is valid – and would be my actual physical experience of myself while walking the point for real – and so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bring myself back to the physical here – and work with, and walk with that which is real – that which is physical – that which is actual – that which is here and that I am able to see is here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust my mind more than what is here – more than common sense – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as I hear about, and realize that there is a exam, or public speaking event coming up – to go into excitement, imagining how effective I’ll be in the point – and how well I will walk the point – creating a entire alternative reality within myself – where it is that I am not HERE – and I am not working with, and walking with and as reality – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bring myself back here to the physical – back to breath and instead of creating an experience of myself – to remain physical – remain as breath – remain as walking here in each and every moment and as such stand within and as – and be present here with and as reality and end all the delusion of the mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that just because I experience myself as positive towards a particular upcoming event – wherein I will face the point of the unknown – to believe that this is, and will be my actual physical experience of myself while facing, and walking the point of the unknown – and as such – and within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I can’t trust my mind – that even though the mind presents a pretty picture to me – and happy, positive experiences – that this can’t in anyway show to me what is real – what is actual – and what trustworthy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bring myself back to what is real – and to as such not participate in any form of experience in relation to walking the point of facing the unknown – to as such not create any point of conflict within me – and to not create any bubbles within me as an idea of myself that must be burst

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that it’s obvious common sense that simply because I experience a point as being positive – doesn’t mean that the actuality of the point is positive – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop any expectations, and experiences within myself in relation to facing the unknown – and instead walk with and direct myself in oneness and equality here as I face the unknown – to as such not create any ideas, and experience of facing the unknown – but walking the point directly – physically – here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create, and formulate and idea of myself as who I am in relation to me facing a point that is unknown – is thinking that I would be strong, I would be steadfast – and I would simply walk through the point without any fear – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not deal with, and work with reality – because the reality of the situation is that when I face the unknown I become nervous, fearful, and experience anxiety – and I feel inferiority – as such this is what I must work with – not create more illusions within my mind – trying to create, and formulate a picture, fantasy, idea of myself – I mean what is the use of that? I need to work with myself – and I need to correct myself and I can only do that through being here in reality – and moving without judgment with and as that, which is actually here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that when I create a ideal me – as an idea of myself as who I want to be in my mind – I am going to create, and manifest a conflict within me – wherein the conflict will be me thinking that I am the ideal me – and being in conflict with the reality of who I am – as my physical and actual experience of myself in every moment of breath – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop creating ideal perceptions of myself in my mind – and instead commit myself to stick with reality – to stick with breath – to realize that thought can’t be trusted and that I must remain present and aware in every moment in order to be able to not fuck myself in my mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be in conflict with myself – wherein I think that I should be fearless, and I should be assertive when I face the unknown – yet when I do face the unknown I go into nervousness, and fear – and in my mind I can’t comprehend, and understand this when it is that I’ve this belief in my mind saying that I should be assertive, and fearless – and so within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to learn the simple lesson, and to understand the simple point that – the mind can’t be trusted – the mind isn’t real – that mind is not physical it’s simply a interdimensional system that works by laws, and considerations that are not physical in nature – as such it’s simply ludicrous to consider the mind when moving myself in and as this physical reality – by the physical laws that this world, and reality consist of and as

Self –commitment statements

When it is that I see I am participating in an experience, and idea of myself as being effective, and strong, fearless, and assertive when it is that I am walking in a pressure situation – facing the unknown – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – I can’t trust the mind reality – and obviously the mind reality as what I imagine in my mind me to be is not real – thus I am polarizing myself through separating myself from the real experience of me through creating a alternate reality of the false ideal experience of me; as such I commit myself to stop this alternate reality – and instead face the real, and actual truth of me – and correct, and re-align this truth of and as me

When it is that I am going into and as my idea of myself as being effective, as being fearless – and I go into and as excitement, and a state of superiority as feeling that – I am going to face, and walk through and completely ace this particular assignment, or exam – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that my experience of myself leading up to the exam – is not real – it’s a idea – a inflated ego idea that I have of myself that is only serving to through friction generate further negative experiences of myself in relation to facing myself in a pressure situation – facing the unknown; as such I commit myself to not participate in any experience of who, and what I am going to be in a moment of walking my exams, or doing public speaking – but to remain present – here – equal and one with and as my human physical body

When it is that I see I am going into a particular experience of myself – as feeling positive, and feeling invulnerable and is if I am able to do anything what-so-ever without anyone being able to stop – in relation to me doing my exams, or doing public speaking in school – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that whatever I feel – it’s not real – whatever I think – it’s not real – what is real is here with and my human physical body – and thus I must deal with – transcend – and move through reality – and correct what is actually here before I am able to in-fact express myself as a effective human being here within and as the physical as breath

When and as I see that I am going into my mind – using my mind to think about future events and who, what, and how I am going to live, and participate within and as these events – and I within this feel superior, excited, and more than – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that regardless of what occurs in my mind – regardless of how real it looks, or feels, or regardless of how much it speaks to me – it’s not real – it’s an idea in my mind proven by the fact that I can’t live the point physically here; as such I commit myself to bring myself back HERE – and to live physically HERE – to stand physically HERE – and to as such not be possessed or controlled – or in anyway defined by and as my mind

When it is that I see I am using my mind to discern – understand – and comprehend reality – I immediately stop myself – I take a breath, and bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that I must by now have proven to myself – that the mind can’t be trusted – the mind is a fantasy machine and nothing more – as such I commit myself to practice in all ways always walk in practical reality as breath here – and not give into the temptations of the mind

I commit myself to walk with reality – and to deal with my actual physical experience, and expression of myself while facing the unknown – facing a pressure situation – and as such align myself with the physical instead of being caught in my mind as experience

When it is that I think, and believe that a positive experience – implies a positive reality – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that simply because a experience is positive – does not give me confirmation in anyway that reality is positive – and that the actual point is sorted and walked through – I mean it’s obvious common sense that the mind as a fantasy machine is not in touch with reality – and doesn’t function in such a way that it is to show me what is reality; as such I commit myself to not trust that a positive experience describes the state of a point – a positive experience is merely a positive experience – nothing more, and nothing less

When it is that I see I am creating an idea within myself, and a experience – that I would be strong, steadfast, assertive, and effective in walking through a uncertain point – a point wherein I would face the unknown – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that I can’t trust what goes on within me as my mind – and regardless – what I am doing in my mind instead of simply walking through the point here? I mean – will I be able to walk through the point more effectively through being in my mind more? No – obviously not – and as such I commit myself to stick with reality – to make this my MAIN priority – to be here in every moment and not let my mind take me on joy ride into the fantasies of self-interest that exist within my mind

When it is that I am creating a ideal me, and I see that I am within this polarizing myself in relation to reality – creating on the one hand an idea of myself as an ideal me – and on the other hand suppressing the real me – as the actual physical experience of me – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that creating, and forming these types of relationships in my mind results only in that I do not change the actual me – because I am busy believing that I am the fantasy ideal me that I can see in my mind – while that is not in-fact so; as such I commit myself to apply, and perfect the simple point of being HERE in reality – of breathing here – and working with what is here – it’s that simple

When and as I see that I go into a experience within my mind – thinking that I should be fearless, strong, without hesitation, and assertive – when I face the unknown as doing an exam, or walking public speaking – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that I can’t trust – and I can’t align myself with this fantasy – because as I can see when I do in-fact walk a point of the unknown – this mind-experience is not in-fact real – and it’s not me that I am seeing in my mind only a projection as a hope; as such I commit myself to remove any and all mind-delusions as experiences of who I think that I am – and instead I commit myself to live here – and be the best that I can possibly be in every moment of breath – to as such from the mind and into reality

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