Tag Archives: best for all

Day 456: The Righteous-Character

Yesterday after work I decided to order some take-out food for supper. I called the restaurant and told them that I did not want to have any onion on one of the dishes. About ten minutes later I drove to the restaurant to pick up my food, at which point I noticed that the chef had misunderstood me. He had not used onion in any of the dishes I had ordered.

It upset me when I became aware of this. I asked the chef whether he could re-do the dish and put onion in it. The chef did not want to do that because it would get messy. This frustrated me even further. At this point I saw before me two options. On the one hand, I could insist on having onion, or I could simply take the dishes as they were and walk out of there. I felt as if there were two of me, there was one rational version; I could see that the flavor and experience of the dish was not dependent on onion and that I would save a lot of time if I accepted the mistake and walked out of there. The other me, was the irrational and angry me; this me wanted redress – ‘I want to receive what I have ordered, I paid for this! Then I should get what I paid for!’

I stood there and felt the irritation and frustration within me – then I made the decision to drop the point. To take the dish as it were and get out of there – get home and eat my dish and enjoy it. This was the rational and common sense thing to do – and I am satisfied with the decision that I made. Though, I can still see that I became influenced by the emotions, to get into me and had an effect on me – and hence I want to look at the emotions and the character.

If I am to give this character a name, I would say it is the righteous-character. It is the experience of me being completely right because someone else has not done their job properly – and hence – I have a right to become angry – pissed of and irritated. I have a right to curse at them and to start a conflict. When I look at it, I can see that this logic is very much a like how parents treat their children, and it might be from this relationship that I have acquired this pattern. Because parents tend to become angry at their kids when they do something ‘wrong’ – and in such instances – most parents do not consider it wrong or consequential to be angry – rather it is ‘needed’ to set the child straight.

This righteous-character activates especially when it comes to money, and people not doing their job the way I expect them to. Because when I have paid for a service, I make the false conclusion that I now ‘own’ the person supplying the service – and hence I can act and behave in any manner and way I like if my expectations are not fulfilled – because I have ‘bought’ that right. However, in looking beyond money, which is an abstraction, it becomes evident that my actions, and the righteous-character, have just the same consequences and negative outflows as accepting and allowing myself to become angry and frustrated at someone in my personal life. The righteous-character is really not a character/way of living that brings through what is best for all.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and think that I have the right to be mean, angry and frustrated when I buy a service and I do not get what I expect that I should get – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume/think that only because I paid for something – this means that all bets are off and I have full freedom to do what I want to do and say what I want to say

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that access to money makes me more important and better than others – and that purchasing a service means that I own the person that gives this service

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value money over myself as a person – and to believe that money gives me value – and thus when money is at stake, when there is a question about money, then I have the right, freedom to do what it takes to control/direct my money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not remind myself that what is of importance and relevance is who I am as a person – the value that I am able to give/live and be to others – and thus not the amount of money I own and have access to

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that it is money that gives me importance and value in this life – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that money is only a medium, a means used to transact goods and services, and that it does not determine me as a person, and that buying a service, does not mean that I have the right to do whatever it is that I want to do

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself becoming angry and frustrated, reacting, because I have not received what I feel that I paid for, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand, that only because money is part of the game, it does not give me a carte blanche to do whatever I want to do – and to express myself in anyway I see fit – and I realize that accepting and allowing myself behave in a way that is harmful towards others – is equally as consequential when there is a issue about money, as when it does not have to do about money – and thus I commit myself to breathe and stabilize myself here – and then work to resolve the issue/problem that is ahead of me utilizing common sense and a stable and sensible presence/direction – where I find solutions to the problem and use common sense to get there


Advertisements

Day 318: Insider or Outsider, Where Do You Want To Be?

Have you ever felt like an outsider? The word is usually used in the context of social interaction, the forming and shaping of groups, friendships, and other social structures – and it identifies the individuals that are not part of the social structure that has developed. In the dictionary, an outsider is, among other things, defined as a person who is not accepted by or who isolates themselves from society.

Looking at the emotional charge of the word, it has a definitive negative emotional connotation. Being an outsider is not something that is defined as a positive characteristic of a person, and hence, many of us, are very much fearful of excommunication, of bullying, and being pushed away from our current social setting, that is to say, from the group within which we have come to define ourselves. Existing within such a fear is a limitation, and hence it is clear that, for anyone feeling like an outsider, the solution is not to strive to become an insider, the solution is not to build your self-image, and self-value upon you being part of a group. For us to be self-reliant, self-confident, effective people with integrity to be able to stand for what we see is best for all, there cannot be any emotional dependency on a group of people.

Being an outsider is however not a solution, and what I have found in my own process of walking through and directing the ‘outsider-character’ is that it is also a mind-construct with a core point of fear. Here the fear is also that of being excommunicated and pushed out from the group, however the tactic is different. Instead of playing along with the game, and aiming to be accepted and loved by a group, the strategy is to never be part of a group to begin with, because then the fear of being rejected by a group will never materialize. It is a more cunning way of avoiding the hurtful experience of rejection, however, it is also severely limiting our potential as human beings to expand, form relationships and get to know people.

The solution is not to try and make ourselves friends with everyone, and the solution is not to become an outsider and push people away. What I have realized is that in order to transcend this polarity of either being an insider, or an outsider, we have to deal with the core issues – and that is in both cases – fear. For me, this fear has consisted out of the fear of rejection, fear of not being accepted, fear of not being liked and fear of not fitting in.

To deal with these fears, what I did was that I asked myself questions, such as the following: ‘Why do I fear rejection? Why do I fear not being accepted? Why do I fear not being liked and not fitting in?’ – and what came through here is that all of these fears relate back to me – and that I have not developed a sufficient self-standing, self-acceptance, and self-value. Because would I be able to fear rejection if I knew that regardless of what happened, I would always stand with and by myself and be fulfilled and whole in that? And would I fear not being liked or fitting in, if I would enjoy myself, and perfectly well, fit into my own life the way I see is best for all?

The answer to those questions is no – and as such we are able to learn a lot about ourselves through investigating how we feel around groups of people, how we interact, how we think and whether we decide to become an outsider or an insider. I have found that our emotional experiences is only ever a consequence of a misalignment in our relationship with ourselves, and should only be used as a guiding light to find the real underlying issues.

I have found that the most efficient way to direct these underlying issues, which are the real problem, is to LIVE WORDS. The process of living words is easy to understand and it is being thoroughly walked through at the School of Ultimate Living, which I suggest anyone interested in changing deep seated compromising habits and patterns to pay a visit to. Living Words basically means that we establish a word, with a definition, that effectively serves as a placeholder for a new expression we want to establish in our lives, and then we put that new expression into practice.

With me, I established that the word self-acceptance would assist and support me to change my experience of myself. I looked at how I could express this word in my day-to-day living – in this I saw that I regularly throughout my days – judged myself for how I interacted with people. I thought back on my interactions either defining them as ‘good’ or as ‘bad’. I defined a interaction as good when there was a flow to the conversation and a natural comfortableness between the other person and I. The interaction was defined as bad when there was a miscommunication, an emotion coming through, uncertainty coming to the surface, or some other external or internal event occurred that stopped the ‘flow’ in the moment.

Then I could see that an effective way of living self-acceptance would be to stop these assessments of myself and my social interactions with others – and to replace this assessment chatter with me accepting myself in the moment of interaction – and doing that through relaxing my body, feeling my breath, and bringing myself back HERE whenever I could see that this assessment chatter wanted to come up within me. Hence practically developing and LIVING self-acceptance – and through this process I have been able to change my experience of myself when it comes to groups – where I am not anymore as afraid of what people might think of me, and how well I fit in, or whether I am liked or not.

Living words is a efficient way of transcending the polarity of being an insider or outsider – and it places the focus back on self. Because it is not about whether we feel apart of the group or not, it is all a reflection of the relationship we have with ourselves – and hence – all of our lives can be used as a support for us to get to know ourselves more intimately and establish new patterns and expressions that are best for all.


Other blogs on this topic:

Day 577 – Do I not belong?

437. What to Do when Feeling like an Outcast?

Outsiders – day 695

461: You Don’t Have to be an Outsider – Invite Yourself In

Day 1102: Stepping out of Your Comfort Zone

Day 148- Isolating Myself from Relationship’s

The Outsider – Day 511

Learn more about this way of living:

Day 161: The Principle of What is Best for All

Living by the principle of what is best for all – guiding me in thought, word and deed to always in all ways direct problems to the best possible out come for all

In relation to some decisions that I’ve had to make recently, I’ve seen how this principle above, hasn’t been implemented fully in my life yet, which results in me often being very ambivalent, and uncertain about decisions, future play-outs, how I am going to live, and what I am going to do – simply because: There are so many directions, ways and paths, and no unifying principle that I’ve allowed myself to use to guide myself in the decisions.

Thus, I realize that I can practice this principle, particularly in relation to career decisions, because this is something that I’ve looked at through a glass colored with my own preferences, fears, desires, and expectations, instead of looking at what would be best for all. When I look at my future, what I can do, where I can place myself, and how I can live my life to its fullest potential, its actually quite easy to see where I can make the most of myself and my life – when I remove the personal the decision becomes much more easy to make.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make decisions through looking at what would be best for all, and as such I see, realize and understand that decision making becomes complicated when I involve the mind, as my desires, fears, preferences, etc. and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make myself clear within, breathe, and look at all the information involved within and as a decision, and look at it not from a point of personality, but rather look at it from a starting point and perspective of what would be best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not look at my future, my career, my life, from a starting point of what is best for all, and I see, realize and understand how much more simple it becomes to make a decision, and to look at where and how I can place myself in my world, when I do it objectively, and when I do it without my personal preferences coming into play, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not when I look at my future, and decisions, and points to be walked, to do so HERE, without my personal preferences, to instead look at what would be best for everyone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not look at myself, my skills, my potential, and my abilities, not from a starting point of “what can I get out of it” – but rather look at what this world, this physical reality, and humanity can get out of me, and how I can place myself in the most supportive and effective position that would be meaningful, and have purpose, and that would support and nurture others in their process of creating for themselves a life in this world that is dignified

Self-commitments

I commit myself to, when and as I am making decisions, looking at my future, to be objective, and look at how I can place myself in such a way that would be best for everyone involved, that would lead to the biggest maximal impact, and affect the most change, and as such I commit myself to be objective, and look at myself and this world from a starting point of being objective, and looking at what is best for all, and releasing my personal preferences, desires, wants and needs

Day 160: Living By the Principle of What is Best for All

Living by the principle of what is best for all – guiding me in thought, word and deed to always in all ways direct problems to the best possible out come for all

In relation to some decisions that I’ve had to make recently, I’ve seen how this principle above, hasn’t been implemented fully in my life yet, which results in me often being very ambivalent, and uncertain about decisions, future play-outs, how I am going to live, and what I am going to do – simply because: There are so many directions, ways and paths, and no unifying principle that I’ve allowed myself to use to guide myself in the decisions.

Thus, I realize that I can practice this principle, particularly in relation to career decisions, because this is something that I’ve looked at through a glass colored with my own preferences, fears, desires, and expectations, instead of looking at what would be best for all. When I look at my future, what I can do, where I can place myself, and how I can live my life to its fullest potential, its actually quite easy to see where I can make the most of myself and my life – when I remove the personal the decision becomes much more easy to make.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make decisions through looking at what would be best for all, and as such I see, realize and understand that decision making becomes complicated when I involve the mind, as my desires, fears, preferences, etc. and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make myself clear within, breathe, and look at all the information involved within and as a decision, and look at it not from a point of personality, but rather look at it from a starting point and perspective of what would be best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not look at my future, my career, my life, from a starting point of what is best for all, and I see, realize and understand how much more simple it becomes to make a decision, and to look at where and how I can place myself in my world, when I do it objectively, and when I do it without my personal preferences coming into play, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not when I look at my future, and decisions, and points to be walked, to do so HERE, without my personal preferences, to instead look at what would be best for everyone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not look at myself, my skills, my potential, and my abilities, not from a starting point of “what can I get out of it” – but rather look at what this world, this physical reality, and humanity can get out of me, and how I can place myself in the most supportive and effective position that would be meaningful, and have purpose, and that would support and nurture others in their process of creating for themselves a life in this world that is dignified

Self-commitments

I commit myself to, when and as I am making decisions, looking at my future, to be objective, and look at how I can place myself in such a way that would be best for everyone involved, that would lead to the biggest maximal impact, and affect the most change, and as such I commit myself to be objective, and look at myself and this world from a starting point of being objective, and looking at what is best for all, and releasing my personal preferences, desires, wants and needs