Tag Archives: Binary relation

Day 93: The Consequences of Fear

I am going to continue with my series on the point of career, money, work, and jobs – because this is a re-occurring point that I am not yet clear within myself towards.

So, when considering plans for the future, I see that my main directive principle is fear – and the considerations I have to either not do, or do something, tend to be based on a weighing between fear and fear – and then I will go with the direction that produce the least amount of fear within me; so – what is interesting here is to see firstly, the consequences that this way of life have towards myself in my own life, and then the consequences that this way of living have on a much bigger, and universal level.

Looking first at the consequences in my own life, I am able to see that, because I never consider MYSELF and what is PRACTICAL in my decisions, I miss out on making decisions that are effective for me, that are balanced and aligned with myself and my physical reality – instead my decisions will be based on fear, which obviously isn’t a actual real physical, and substantial point, and thus the consequence will be that compromise what is real as the physical.

It’s interesting to what extent I’ve become completely used to making decisions in fear, and accepting this as a normal and acceptable way of living, while really it’s fucked up – because in essence it’s a complete self-abdication, wherein I give up myself, my power, my directive principle and instead let fear decide for me, what fear would like for me to do – fascinating that I’ve come to rely on fear, even though fear obviously doesn’t have the capacity to look at practical reality outcomes and outflows – it’s just a energy and a experience coming up within me saying – hey look at me! Follow me! Make a decision according to me!

So, the consequence is ineffective decisions, a ineffective living, and a ineffective direction in life – that doesn’t support me, and doesn’t support what it is that I want to create within my life – it just supports – obviously – fear.

On a universal level, I see that the fear-based approach too decisions is one of the primary reasons as to why this world looks as it looks – I mean, everyone walk around in their life’s ONLY caring about themselves, about their future, about their jobs, about their happiness, about their desires – with no regard or consideration for anything or anyone else, I mean, family members might be considered, but does anyone consider the world as a whole, each and every little thing, the existence as a whole with all the myriads of small and big beings that live their life each and every day?

No, the normal average human being will have a very limited perspective as to what he or she considers to be important, or in other words, what this person fears – so I see exactly the same with myself – when I make decisions based on self-interest as fear I am equally part in creating a world where nobody cares, nobody considers but themselves and their life – their experience – their fulfillment – and thus I see that within this I have a responsibility to make decisions that are practical – effective – and that are based on practical common sense, and not this irrational fear experience.

Thus, I want to expand my perspective when making decisions, to look at everything, and to look at decisions not from a only a personal perspective, but also from a universal perspective – to not make decisions anymore in fear but instead consider what is the absolutely BEST approach based on practical and sound common sense reasoning – looking at probabilities and possibilities and removing fear from the equation in all ways – so when I make a decision – it’s not to serve my fear – it’s to serve myself as life as all as one as equal – this is the solution for heaven on earth in my own life as well as for life from a universal perspective.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself when making decisions to only look at myself, to only look at my experiences, my fear, and my anxieties, and to not look at the situation from a perspective of looking at what is in-fact BEST – what is the most effective, and the most practical, and the best way to move ahead – and how is it that I am able to apply myself in such a way that will create the best results for everyone – and not just for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make decisions from a starting point of fear and anxiety, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that in making decisions from a starting point of fear and anxiety I am not considering anything that is practical – I am thus compromising myself, and compromising my decision, because I am not making a decision that is in-fact real; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push through the veil of fear, and within this push myself to when I make decisions – to remove all feelings, and all fears, and look at the cold facts – at the physical points – at that which I see – and from that make a decision

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make decisions on the basis of fear, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, and believe that making decisions on the basis of fear is effective – while really it’s the other way around, and then when I am making decisions on the basis of fear – I am limiting myself, and I am creating my world and reality without any awareness – without any presence and without any common sense; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and bring myself back here to and as my human physical body – and push myself to make decisions based on common sense – based on what is practical – based on what works – based on what I am able to discern and see with my human physical eyes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make it a acceptable habit to make decisions from fear, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not, when I make decisions, push myself to look at the point from a completely objective perspective, looking at it as it exists – and as it functions – and not trying to make anything more or less about the point than simply looking at it as it is; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto fear in the belief that fear is my supporter that will help to make decisions that are good – not realizing that fear is this completely useless self-sabotage mechanism that just have me make decisions that aren’t practical – that aren’t well thought through and considered – because I’ve assessed the point in fear and not in relation to practical reality here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not look at the bigger picture when I make a decision – and as such push myself to not accept and allow myself to limit myself in my decision making through only look at life, and at my world, and at my reality, and at my possibilities through the eyes of fear – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and bring myself back here – and see, realize, and understand that I do not need fear to be effective – and that I do not need feelings to be effective – I can be cold as ice and look at this reality simple through considering what is practical and what isn’t

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand how simple and easy it is to make decisions when and as I look at points from a starting point of looking at what is practical, what is effective, what am I able to do, and what I am not able to do, and that decisions are only difficult, and hard, and impossible to make when I try to make them through fear, and through anxiety, and through feelings – weighing energies in order to get to some type of conclusion; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and bring myself back here – and within this I commit myself to stop making decisions from a starting of energy – and I commit myself to become a completely and entirely physical person – and look at my world from a starting point of physicality – of reality – of what I can prove – of what I am able to see – of what I am able to understand and clearly test to be functional and effective

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to loose myself in this completely ludicrous state of mind – as fear – as thinking that I require and need fear in order to make decisions, and that apparently the best decisions is the decision I experience the least amount of fear towards – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath, and bring myself back here – and within this push myself to consider what is common sense, what is effective, what is reasonable from a physical stand-point – and make decisions according to that and not according to what I feel – what I experience – and what I hope

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that when and as I make decisions from a starting point of fear, it doesn’t matter what decision I make, because regardless, my starting point is flawed and thus my decision isn’t real, and in essence I am just following my fear, and I am not looking at what is practical, I am not looking at what is effective, I am not looking at what works, and what doesn’t work – I am just following a fear, and hoping that this fear will bring me to some place in my life where I am able to feel safe and secure; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath, and bring myself back here – and within this see, realize, and understand – that fear literally sucks – and that there is absolutely no common sense reason as to why I should hold unto fear – fear is literally stupid and makes me stupid because I make decisions that aren’t based on reality – but based on what I hope and desire to happen in order for me to avoid my fears that aren’t even real to begin with

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make the decision to ban fear from life – and within this to push myself to become and stand as a fearless person – and to make sure when I make decisions – that my decisions are based on common sense as what is best for all – based on sound reasoning that is not influenced by a energy of fear or anxiety – but that is clear – and that I consider the practicality of my life – and not fear

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am making a decision from a starting of fear, or wanting to do so, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize, and understand that I am limiting myself in this moment, and that I am making a decision that in it’s very nature isn’t effective at all, because it’s not based on reality – it’s based on energy – it’s based on experience – it’s based on what I feel – and what I hope – and what I desire – and not on what is practical common sense – as such I commit myself to stop myself from making decisions based on this flawed basis – and I commit myself to make decisions – to plan my future and my life according to what is practical and have an outflow that is best for all – and not according to what I experience the least amount of fear towards

When and as I see that I am starting to go into doubt, anxiety, and fear in relation to making a decision, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that making a decision from a starting point of fear will limit me and hold me back into a state of non-existence, because I am not really moving myself, I am not really doing anything at all, I am just moving inside a fear, existing inside a fear, and not in-fact pushing myself to stand and live – and make real decisions – that have a real impact in my life and in the life’s of others – as such I commit myself to stop following fear and start to make decisions that are real and that are based on actual common sense as what is best for all

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Day 91: Money, My Saviour?

I’ve noticed this tendency within myself to dream about who I should be, or should experience myself somewhere out there in the future – now what I’ve seen is that this tendency to dream is always in relation to money, and the underlying energy that fuels my dreams and thoughts of the future is a anxiety and a worry.

hand-over-the-money-sirWhat I’ve realized is that I’ve separated myself from expressions such as control and power, and have defined these words in relation to money – and within this created a belief that the only way I am able to find some form of stability in this life, find my power, my direction, that is through making sure that I have got lot’s of money – that my survival is secured and I know that no matter what happens I will have enough money to survive.

The consequence of me living and participating within and as this fear is that I limit myself extensively, and instead of my decisions being self-directed and based on common sense assessments – my decisions are based in fear – they are based in worry – and they are based on starting point of looking at how I am able to survive and get my hands on the money I think I require in order to live the words stability, power and control.

I also see that I’ve defined success in relation to money as equal to success in my life – meaning: that I believe that when I get lot’s of money I will also get lot’s of life, my life will be whole, fulfilled, and complete, because I managed to attain the money I needed and required. This is also a very limited belief and the consequence is that my life will not in anyway be about living, about me walking the process of birthing myself and the rest of this world to life, no – it will be about me acquiring money without any awareness – without any consideration for what is best for all – and that is a life of limitation.

I experience fear and worry as very convincing experiences and it’s fascinating that in the moment as they come up – especially when it’s related to the future and money – I will follow it and go with it without any question, suspicion, or resistance – I will just follow it and it takes me wherever it wants to – and I see that this must stop; I do not want to spend my existence being a follower of fear and accepting and allowing fear to make decisions for me – and accept and allow worry to make decisions for me – I want to make decisions in my life and within that be unconditional – wherein there is no fear – no worry – and no anxiety that controls my direction and movement in life – because I control and direct myself.

I’ve got a long process to go before I will be able to stand in such a unwavering point of stability but this is my commitment to myself – that I will patiently walk through my relationship to fear and correct my relationship to fear so that I can walk and stand in this lifetime fearless yet cautious and aware of the fact that this reality is a reality of consequence.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine, think about, and fantasize about a bright future in relation to money, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define points such as stability, control, and power in relation to money – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that in order to be stable – in order to be effective – in order to move myself in this world and be complete and fulfilled and stand whole in each and every moment – I require to have lot’s of money – lot’s of material possessions – lot’s of things around me that I can call my things

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become completely lost within and as fear, worry and anxiety in relation to the future – existing in a state of petrification that I will not be able to get sufficient with money in the future in order to define myself as being successful – and a “good citizen” – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to loose myself in the mind – as fear and worry – thinking – perceiving and believing that if I don’t hold unto this fear and make sure that I listen to this fear – then my life will become non-existent and I will not be able to survive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make fear my rule of law – and believe fear – follow fear – and accept and allow fear to guide me when it comes up in relation to the future – and in relation to money; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and bring myself back here to and as my human physical body – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself through this fear – and to realize that fear sucks – that fear is this complete enslavement mechanism that makes me passive – that makes me ineffective – and that creates consequences in my life in that I won’t ever in-fact live but only ever follow my fear – and listen to what my fear have to say

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that in following my fear and accepting and allowing my fear to make decisions for me I am abdicating my power – I am abdicating my ability to control myself and my life – because instead of being here and directing myself I am accepting and allowing fear to be my direction – fear to be my movement forward – fear to be my guide and my teacher; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and bring myself back here and push and direct myself through this fear – to bring myself back here to that which is real and of actual substance and value – which is my physical direct reality here – my physical body here – that which really in-fact gives life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fool myself into believing that money gives life when really it’s the human physical body that gives life – that makes life possible – that is life – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value money more than my human physical body – to value money more than my physical direct reality here – to value money more than in-fact living and participating here in each and every moment of breath; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to make a stand within and as myself – and walk through this anxiety and fear and realize that on the other side there is nothing to fear – because my fears are not real they are based on assumptions, based on interpretations, based on ideas, and not on what is in-fact here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my fear and to blame my external physical reality as being the cause of my fear – and thinking that this fear experience I have can’t stop because it’s apparently real – it’s apparently valid – and it’s apparently a part of my human nature to experience fear – and as such and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question my fear and to realize that regardless of the state of my physical reality – I create fear – I stand as the origin and cause of fear – and that accordingly I require to take responsibility for my fear – I require to stop my fear – I require to direct and move myself through my fear and not anymore accept and allow myself to be at the mercy of such a limited energy as fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to let go of fear because I believe that fear will guide me to my dreams – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept my dreams without question as apparently being real – as apparently having value – as apparently showing me a part of reality that I am able to get if I have sufficient with money; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not align myself with and as my human physical body HERE – with and as my breath HERE – to push myself to remain HERE in every moment and to not wander off in my mind – to not accept and allow the mind to take me for a spin in my head but that I instead remain here – physical – practical – direct – effective – and that I decide who I am and not fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let fear decide who I am – and to without question accept fear to decide who I am – and how I should experience myself – and to believe that it’s actually real what I am going through and that as such there is nothing I am able to do about it – as apparently this experience of fear is simply real and thus all I am able to do is follow it – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breath and bring myself back here – and stop this following pattern – wanting to become – wanting to be – wanting to be guided by this fear – and instead develop myself HERE and walk breath by breath in every moment and not accept and allow fear to be the principle by which I live and direct myself

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am going into fear in relation to the future, or in relation to money – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this fear is sucking the life out of me – and that it’s not even real, cohesive and actual – it’s simply a energy that comes up within me demanding my attention; as such I commit myself to breath through this energy – to breath through the imaginations of the mind – the dreams – and the hopes and to instead be HERE with and as my human physical body – with my breath – with my physical heart-beat – with that which is real – and I commit myself to live moment by moment and create my future HERE in every moment of breath – and not from within and as a starting point of fear from my mind

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Day 42: Eternal Damnation

Today I’ve been listening to a interview series on self-judgment that can be found on eqafe – check here – and because of that I am going to dedicate this post to exploring this particular point of self-judgment.

judgementNow – as I listened to the interview, my initial thought was that “hey – I don’t have any self-judgment! I am past this point!” – so it was cool when later in the interview series this particular reaction/experience towards the point was explained as being but a defense mechanism – and within this it was suggested to look more closely at one’s inner reality in relation to self-judgment – to allow oneself to see that there is in-fact self-judgment going on in there.

So, in this blog I will look at the various point’s of self-judgment that I’ve seen – and now – since I listened to the interview I’ve been able to pin-point particular movements within that are of a judgmental/bully/abuse-nature – wherein I do become violent towards myself in the form of words/experience/inner movement.

What I’ve seen is that most of my judgment is related to past moments – because many times through-out my day some memory will come up within me of a past situation wherein I will feel that I acted like “an idiot” in that situation – and that I could’ve done it so much more effectively – and that I didn’t have to act the way I did back then – and so this is a point of self-judgment.

Further – I’ve seen that there is lot’s of self-judgment in relation to my work, and my studies – here I’ve noticed that I am very particular in relation to what type of results that I expect myself to achieve. For example – when I make a mistake in my work I will go into a state of judgment – and think – “man, why did I do that?” – “how could I miss that simple point?” – “I got to be more aware, and precise, this can’t continue!” – and this same point also occurs with my studies – wherein I will be disappointed, and hard towards myself when I do not achieve the highest mark – and I will think “What? How could I fail – Am I stupid or something?” – “I studied so much and still it went like this – fuck – I am useless”.

Another point that I judge is about my character – I have a tendency of becoming nervous around particular women, and guys – particularly young, handsome, and what I term to be “popular” youngsters – when I have an interaction with these people often nervousness will occur, and when this happen I go into judgment – thinking – “oh my god, it’s so embarrassing that I become nervous!” – “Why does this happen to me! Why can’t I just be calm, and stable like everyone else?”

The same type of point comes up when I face conflict – because I tend to go into nervousness in those situations as well – and instead of supporting myself I go into judgment – “Why do I always react so much to conflict? My god! I should be past this point by now!”

So, much of my judgments originate from comparisons – because there is always some type of expectation involved as to what I “should be” – that I am not able to be – and then because I can’t be what I feel that I should be, I judge myself.

If I hadn’t had a reference within me as other people that I’ve seen through-out my life – I wouldn’t have had a concept of seeing my reactions as being bad, or my mark at a test as being inferior, or my mistakes at work as being faulty – it would’ve simply been me going through life facing particular situations, and occurrences – nothing bad, or wrong – simply “what is going on”.

Thus – the simple realization that is to be made is that self-judgment is really not cool – and it’s not something benefits me – it in-fact only serves to break me down, and to by each thought of self-judgment that arise within me – become less, and less – so really – it’s time to stop this particular point and allow myself to walk my life without having myself screaming at myself from inside of myself, saying to myself that I should do various things better than what I currently do.

I mean – it’s time that I accept and allow myself to be gentle with myself, and to practice living such gentleness – which I will do through breathing – through aligning myself with the consistency, and slow movement of a breath – a breath in, and a breath out – that is what I will practice – and at the same time also practice that – when this type of thoughts arise within me – to then stop being an observer within me, and actually act to change the inner nature of me – through not allowing these thoughts to play out – but that I instead direct me and make sure that I don’t accept and allow any form of bullying within me – because it’s simply not acceptable at all.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through comparison with others create judgment within me – a character of bullying, and abusing myself through words, and experiences – wherein I constantly feel that I am not doing enough, that I am not good enough, and that I am worthless – and thinking that this apparently justifies me bullying, and abusing myself; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand up within me – and understand that life could be really fucking enjoyable – even on this fucked up earth – when I allow myself to stop fighting myself and instead focus on living – expressing myself – and moving myself on a breath per breath basis

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I make mistakes when I work, or when I make mistakes, and fail achieving a good grade in my studies – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted, and allowed myself to become possessed with comparison – as thinking that I must be the best, and I must be that person that is able to walk all points in life effortlessly, and have a complete success in all points – with no form of failure – wherein all points go smoothly – and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for not achieving my mental ideal of how I should be instead of realizing that this mental idea of who I should be isn’t even real – so I am judging for not being something that isn’t real – isn’t that really the epitome of paranoia?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that self-judgment is paranoia – because self-judgment is based upon expectations of what, and how self should be and not upon actual physical reality – I mean – it’s fascinating that I go into self-judgment when I make a mistake in relation to my work, or my studies – instead of going into looking for solutions – finding out what the problem is – finding out how it is that I fail and then within that implementing a effective solution so that I correct the reality equation to play out in a way that have beneficial results

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop comparing myself with others – and understand that comparing myself with others is useless unless I utilize comparison to create solutions for myself – but if comparison is merely done from a starting point of giving myself points within myself – as thinking that I am either good, or bad – I mean then it’s useless – because it won’t assist to become more effective in my life – and actually correct, and align my daily living, and participation to what is best for all – which should obviously be the primary point of my life – to establish myself as my fullest living potential

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create judge myself when and as I become nervous with females, or males that are young, handsome, and seem popular – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an expectation of myself – that I should be stable, and I should be calm – and there shouldn’t be any form of movement within me – and I should be able to direct myself, and move myself in my daily living without any reaction – because others seemingly are able to do that – thus I am bad if I don’t; instead of allowing myself to see, realize, and understand that I mean – I am me – I am not others – thus why even compare myself to others? And why think that I am bad just because I react in another way than what others do? And also – why not instead of judging for not being as stable as I perceive others to be – utilize others as a practical example – and use comparison constructively to support myself in my expression to stabilize myself – and make myself less reactive in these particular situations

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to self-judgment, and to believe that I need self-judgment, and that without self-judgment I would loose myself, and there wouldn’t be anything left of me so to speak – and so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that I’ve become addicted to my biggest enemy so to speak – which is my accept and allowed nature – as a nature that doesn’t support me, that doesn’t assist me, and that doesn’t nourish; as such I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to commit myself to stop this addiction – and commence on the journey of removing this particular character, and way of living as self-judgment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself with others, and think that I should be able to present myself as stable, as sound, as confident, and as strong around others – and to think that unless I am able to achieve this I am inferior – and I am bad; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not BREATH – and to be gentle with myself – and stop abusing myself through speaking down to myself in thinking that I am not good enough – I am not useful enough – and I apparently deserve to judge myself, I apparently deserve to be hated, and abused by myself; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand up within myself and state – that I deserve to love myself, accept myself – be gentle with myself – and most of all respect myself – I deserve self-respect

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I go into a state of self-judgment, as abusing, and bullying myself through words, experience, and inner movement – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this bullying is destroying me – and that I am pushing myself down, and wreaking havoc unto myself – as such I commit myself to stop – and practice breath – and practice being gentle with myself – practice caring for myself – and practice living, and developing self-respect – as not accepting and allowing myself to in anyway judge, abuse, or bully myself

When and as I see that I go into, and I react within and as self-judgment – because I feel that I deserve this, because I’ve made a mistake in studies, or my work – and I feel that I shouldn’t have done that – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – this point of me thinking that I deserve to judge myself – I mean it’s bullshit and it’s merely an excuse for me to not actually change and stop myself – and respect myself; as such I commit myself to stop judging myself and instead look for solutions – to go to establishing a solution instead of thinking that I deserve to judge myself

When and as I see that I am judging myself, abusing, or bullying myself – because I am reacting in nervousness, fear, anxiety, or become emotionally unstable around young, handsome, and seemingly popular people – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand how this particular judgment of mine is based on comparison – thinking that I should look, behave, and experience myself as others, and unless I do so – I am apparently bad; and within this I see that I’ve not allowed myself to be gentle with myself – and respect myself – and as such not judge myself; so I commit myself to not judge my experiences – and to stop comparison myself with others from a perspective of judgment, and self-hatred – and I instead commit myself to respect, and walk with myself – and practice living gentleness – and self-acceptance

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Day 40: Continuing With Nervousness

Today I listened to the interview “Finalising Nervousness Support” – and the point that hit home with me was the nervousness is most-often caused by lack of preparation.

stressThis made me consider a few points in relation to my studies – because as I’ve shared in this blog I’ve experienced much nervousness in relation to walking my exams, and writing the final test – and this nervousness did occur this time around as well. So – when I began to considered the point that nervousness is very much related to one’s level of preparation – I realized that one dimension of my nervousness in relation to my exams might have to do with a problem with my vocabulary – and that the reason I do experience nervousness in relation to my exams is because it’s me actually showing myself that I’ve not integrated the vocabulary of the course effectively, with clarity, and specificity.

As I looked on this point – I utilized some memories from the past of when I’ve written my exam before, because by now I’ve written the term-exam 5 times already – and I compared my various study techniques, and then also looked at my experience of nervousness in relation to then at a later stage writing the exam. What I could see was that when I’d utilized the study technique of writing the information down – that was the exam that I’d experienced myself the least nervous, and also the exam on which I’d received the best results – fascinating!

This “finding” so to speak also correlates with what I’ve recently learned about “the natural learning ability” of the human being – and how we as human beings integrate information the most effectively. Writing information down is one of these physical practical points that give’s the physical body a opportunity to work with the information for real – and which also establish a more effective output – because in only reading information what one do is that one establish an ineffective input. So – I will cross-reference these points during my next term, and accordingly spend much more time writing information than I’ve done before – to see what the effect of this will be, and whether this will allow me to integrate the information more effectively.

Okay – that was what I had to share about my findings in relation to the natural learning ability, vocabulary effectiveness, and it’s influence on my experience of nervousness – though this is not the only dimension that affects my experience of nervousness. There are three words that I see play a role in my nervousness-experience – these are “unknown”, “unexpected”, “unplanned” – and these points are also much related to the experience of stress – which there is a cool interview about that you can hear here. So – in essence I will dedicate my self-forgiveness in this blog towards investigating my relationship towards these three words, and also apply commitment statements – as to how to correct my relationship with these words so that I can study in the stability, and silence of breath – and do my exams in the stability and silence of breath – with no movement within me what-so-ever.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a fear of the unknown, a fear of that which I can’t control, and can’t foresee – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into nervousness, and stress when and as I don’t have a complete control over my reality – and I do not know exactly what is going to happen in the next moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that if I do not have complete control, complete mastery over my physical reality – and that I can foresee everything that will happen in my world – that I am vulnerable to destruction, and annihilation – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my fear of the unknown, my fear of the unexpected, and my fear of the unplanned – through thinking that I am protecting myself by holding unto this fear – and that this fear helps me to be effective in living – while really – the opposite is true – because what I fear I create – which is so because in living as fear – I am not seeing, and utilizing common sense in my direct movement here – and thus the likelihood of me creating compromising situations, and moments for myself is much greater

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a fear, and anxiety towards letting go of control – and trusting myself – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to equate control to self-trust – not realizing the self-trust is not dependent upon control – because self-trust stands regardless of external stimuli movements – as self-trust is a point that is developed, and created by self – and as such not dependent upon a particular external point to move, or exist in a particular way

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience fear, anxiety, and nervousness towards not being able to foresee whether my life will be “happy” or filled with struggles, and strife’s – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify holding unto control, and stress – and nervousness – in thinking, and believing that this increases my likelihood of experiencing a “happy” life – not seeing the simple common sense – that living within anxiety, stress, and nervous I can’t ever be in anyway “happy” – as I will constantly exist in a worry, and state of fear – that something is going to occur and happen that I do not have any form of control over

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being powerless, and unable to impose change on my life, and reality – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify holding unto stress, and nervousness – thinking that when I hold unto these experiences I will at least be able to protect myself from having a situation manifest wherein I am powerless, or unable to change my reality – not realizing that stress, and nervousness are mental experiences and not a physical practical and useable skill that assists me in moving myself effectively in my life – and thus completely irrational experiences that do not help to assure my physical well-being in this world, and reality what-so-ever

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the reason I fear loosing power, and loosing control – is because I’ve not allowed myself to create these words as living words of and as myself – but that I’ve allowed myself to define these words as my ability to manipulate, and control my exterior reality – not realizing that this is not power, and this is not control – it’s merely a form of physical movement bound by the laws of the physical reality – but not a actual power, and a actual control – because all the time – regardless of how “powerful” I might consider myself to be – I will always be subject to the laws of the physical world and reality – and as such I understand that real control, and real power – can only be real and actual when I stand as those points within and as me as a living expression of me – as a living statement of who I am in each and every breath – wherein I decide what and who I am – and what principle I stand and live by

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that when I stand certain in who I am – certain in what I am – certain in why I am – there can’t be any nervousness, or stress – because these points are in essence based upon fear of death – as the fear of loosing all form of control over this external reality – and this fear can’t exist when I stand within me in such a stability, and depth of silence – that I understand that who I am can’t be moved, touched, or defined by death – as I stand as the power within me that in all-ways decide who I am – and within this that I create who I am – thus creating life from nothing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as the experiences of stress, and nervousness – allowing myself to go into and as a state of preparation – as trying to avoid a disastrous event from taking place – and through these experiences attempting and trying to control my reality; and within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand the simplicity of physically controlling my exterior reality as a point of self-movement – and even though I am not able to have full control – I am able to have somewhat effective control and create this control without any form of experience such as stress, or nervous – because physically directing, and moving my reality is not about mental experiences – it’s about my effectiveness of communication – my effectiveness of physical movement – my effectiveness in social interaction with others

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand how stress, and nervousness literally are illusions – because – they do not produce anything of benefit – they do not assist me in stabilizing my life, and my daily living – they do not assist me in actually walking through my exams – they do not assist me in actually making sure that I have money, and financial stability – they do not in-fact do anything but exist within me as a experience – that in essence only serve to disturb me, and take my focus away from living, and moving myself in my day-to-day life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace the points of unexpectedness, unplanned events, and the unknown – realizing, and understand that I will never be able to have complete control over this reality – as such it’s completely unnecessary to create experiences of stress, and nervousness because I do not have that control – I mean – it’s impossible to have such a control so why continue to fight reality? As such I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to align myself with the actual functioning of this physical world and reality – and stop fighting it – stop resisting it – and stop trying to change it to match my inner belief, and hope of what I’d like this reality to be like

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I go into and as a state of stress, and nervousness – because I see that I am approaching uncharted territory – and I can’t be completely sure on the outcome of what I am taking on and walking; I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – there is no reason to fear uncharted territory – I mean sure – there might come an event that is painful, uncomfortable, or even an event that leads to my death – but – that is the nature of this reality – and it’s completely stupid to fear the nature of this reality as what is here – because it doesn’t help, it doesn’t assist, and it doesn’t change this reality; as such I commit myself to embrace the functioning and movement of this reality – and work with what is here – and practically train, and practice moving myself in such a way in this reality – that I am able to avoid and direct potentially harmful, or uncomfortable experiences, and events – as such – stopping myself from relying upon fear, nervousness, and stress – and instead relying upon common sense deduction

When and as I see that I go into a state of nervousness, because I don’t know how to be, or how to move, or how to direct myself in a given situation – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – me experiencing nervousness does not assist, and support me to walk, and direct the situation – I mean – it would be far more effective for me to stop for a while – observe the situation – and develop solutions – solutions are far more effective in having actual physical positive results than nervousness; as such I commit myself to instead of going into nervousness when I face the unknown – to make the unknown known – and develop solution for me to direct, and effectively move myself within that which is now known

When and as I see that I go into stress – as fearing that I will run unto an unplanned, and unexpected event – and that I will not be able to deal with this event – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – stress merely serves to make me blind to what is here – not see what is here – and not be able to effectively process what is here – stress is like a energetic blindfold that I take on thinking that it will help me to navigate my reality – obviously that isn’t so; as such I commit myself to face the unexpected, to face the unplanned – with a straight back – and effective breathing – realizing that the only way to effectively live in this life is to live physically – breath by breath – walking actual practical solution instead of going into my mind as energetic experiences of positive, or negative

When and as I see that I am going into and as a fear of not being in control, and not having power over my world – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that power, and control over this world is in essence an illusion – something that isn’t real – but merely real in my mind; as such I commit myself to live real power, and real control – which are points that I live AS ME – as me living the decision in every moment that I am life as all as one as equal – and that the principle which I stand by – and make my decisions by is what is best for all – and giving to another as I’d like to receive

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Day 33: Nervousness Dissected

Today I am going to continue to investigate my positive experiences in relation to points that I become nervous in relation towards – the reason being that – when holding unto a positive experience and projecting this unto a particular point in one’s world, the consequence will be a equal polarity opposite of a negative experience – and here this experience is nervousness.

I suggest for anyone that desire to take on this point for themselves to invest in these interviews – well worth the money!

https://eqafe.com/p/deconstructing-nervousness-atlanteans-part-89
https://eqafe.com/p/overcoming-nervousness-atlanteans-part-90
https://eqafe.com/p/overcoming-nervousness-part-2-atlanteans-part-91
https://eqafe.com/p/sounding-self-forgiveness-for-nervousness-atlanteans-part-92
https://eqafe.com/p/finalising-nervousness-support-atlanteans-part-93

public-speaking-fearThus – let’s see – how is it that I view myself in relation to doing my exams, and speaking in front of people? As these are two points within which nervousness arise.

1) I am able to see that I experience a sense of false calm – I feel within me that “I am good at these kinds of things – and there is no way that I can fail” – so it’s form of superiority wherein I blow myself up within myself – thinking that this experience is me – while really – my actual physical experience while really walking the point of the exams, or speaking in-front of my class – is something completely different than calm, and boastful.

2) I feel that there is a sense of hope, and excitement in relation to this point – I experience it as if I’ve a opportunity to prove myself, and go somewhere new in my life, and reality – and within this I tend to have a sort of confidence within me – wherein I state that “I can do this!” – a confidence that then fails to shows up when it is that I am actually performing the point.

3) There is a expectation within me – as a desire to perform, and show everyone that “I can do it!” – “I can be the best on this point!” – “I can really make others notice me!” – thus it’s a desire to have attention, and to be seen – and also to be courageous, self-independent, and assertive.

So – these are the positive points that I’ve attached to the promise of walking exams, or speaking in-front of a group – what I am doing here is that I am removing the illusory part of my experience as the positive so that I am able to amalgamate myself, and merge with my real experience of me while doing my exams, and public speaking assignments – because within doing that I will place myself in a position of being able to direct reality, and change myself for real.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as being a superior to orator, a superior people’s person – and in relation to doing public speaking, or walking my exams – go into and as a state of positive excitement – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create positive ideas of myself in relation to walking in pressure situations, and doing public speaking – instead of accepting and allowing myself to be honest with myself in seeing that I do not actually feel, and experience myself positive while walking these events – and that my idea of myself in my mind – as how I’d like to be – is not in-fact how it is that I exist within and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as, and create an idea of myself as being able to be calm, directive, and effective when walking tests in school, and when doing public speaking assignments – so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach situations with this false idea, and experience myself – and then go into panic, and self-judgment when it is that this idea, and false experience of myself as I do perform the public speaking, or the exam – immediately disappear and is replaced by nervousness in it’s nth degree

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that it’s ludicrous to think that the idea, and experience that the mind presents within me – as to how I would apparently experience myself while walking a test, and walking a exam – is real, is valid – and would be my actual physical experience of myself while walking the point for real – and so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bring myself back to the physical here – and work with, and walk with that which is real – that which is physical – that which is actual – that which is here and that I am able to see is here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust my mind more than what is here – more than common sense – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as I hear about, and realize that there is a exam, or public speaking event coming up – to go into excitement, imagining how effective I’ll be in the point – and how well I will walk the point – creating a entire alternative reality within myself – where it is that I am not HERE – and I am not working with, and walking with and as reality – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bring myself back here to the physical – back to breath and instead of creating an experience of myself – to remain physical – remain as breath – remain as walking here in each and every moment and as such stand within and as – and be present here with and as reality and end all the delusion of the mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that just because I experience myself as positive towards a particular upcoming event – wherein I will face the point of the unknown – to believe that this is, and will be my actual physical experience of myself while facing, and walking the point of the unknown – and as such – and within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I can’t trust my mind – that even though the mind presents a pretty picture to me – and happy, positive experiences – that this can’t in anyway show to me what is real – what is actual – and what trustworthy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bring myself back to what is real – and to as such not participate in any form of experience in relation to walking the point of facing the unknown – to as such not create any point of conflict within me – and to not create any bubbles within me as an idea of myself that must be burst

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that it’s obvious common sense that simply because I experience a point as being positive – doesn’t mean that the actuality of the point is positive – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop any expectations, and experiences within myself in relation to facing the unknown – and instead walk with and direct myself in oneness and equality here as I face the unknown – to as such not create any ideas, and experience of facing the unknown – but walking the point directly – physically – here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create, and formulate and idea of myself as who I am in relation to me facing a point that is unknown – is thinking that I would be strong, I would be steadfast – and I would simply walk through the point without any fear – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not deal with, and work with reality – because the reality of the situation is that when I face the unknown I become nervous, fearful, and experience anxiety – and I feel inferiority – as such this is what I must work with – not create more illusions within my mind – trying to create, and formulate a picture, fantasy, idea of myself – I mean what is the use of that? I need to work with myself – and I need to correct myself and I can only do that through being here in reality – and moving without judgment with and as that, which is actually here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that when I create a ideal me – as an idea of myself as who I want to be in my mind – I am going to create, and manifest a conflict within me – wherein the conflict will be me thinking that I am the ideal me – and being in conflict with the reality of who I am – as my physical and actual experience of myself in every moment of breath – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop creating ideal perceptions of myself in my mind – and instead commit myself to stick with reality – to stick with breath – to realize that thought can’t be trusted and that I must remain present and aware in every moment in order to be able to not fuck myself in my mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be in conflict with myself – wherein I think that I should be fearless, and I should be assertive when I face the unknown – yet when I do face the unknown I go into nervousness, and fear – and in my mind I can’t comprehend, and understand this when it is that I’ve this belief in my mind saying that I should be assertive, and fearless – and so within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to learn the simple lesson, and to understand the simple point that – the mind can’t be trusted – the mind isn’t real – that mind is not physical it’s simply a interdimensional system that works by laws, and considerations that are not physical in nature – as such it’s simply ludicrous to consider the mind when moving myself in and as this physical reality – by the physical laws that this world, and reality consist of and as

Self –commitment statements

When it is that I see I am participating in an experience, and idea of myself as being effective, and strong, fearless, and assertive when it is that I am walking in a pressure situation – facing the unknown – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – I can’t trust the mind reality – and obviously the mind reality as what I imagine in my mind me to be is not real – thus I am polarizing myself through separating myself from the real experience of me through creating a alternate reality of the false ideal experience of me; as such I commit myself to stop this alternate reality – and instead face the real, and actual truth of me – and correct, and re-align this truth of and as me

When it is that I am going into and as my idea of myself as being effective, as being fearless – and I go into and as excitement, and a state of superiority as feeling that – I am going to face, and walk through and completely ace this particular assignment, or exam – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that my experience of myself leading up to the exam – is not real – it’s a idea – a inflated ego idea that I have of myself that is only serving to through friction generate further negative experiences of myself in relation to facing myself in a pressure situation – facing the unknown; as such I commit myself to not participate in any experience of who, and what I am going to be in a moment of walking my exams, or doing public speaking – but to remain present – here – equal and one with and as my human physical body

When it is that I see I am going into a particular experience of myself – as feeling positive, and feeling invulnerable and is if I am able to do anything what-so-ever without anyone being able to stop – in relation to me doing my exams, or doing public speaking in school – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that whatever I feel – it’s not real – whatever I think – it’s not real – what is real is here with and my human physical body – and thus I must deal with – transcend – and move through reality – and correct what is actually here before I am able to in-fact express myself as a effective human being here within and as the physical as breath

When and as I see that I am going into my mind – using my mind to think about future events and who, what, and how I am going to live, and participate within and as these events – and I within this feel superior, excited, and more than – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that regardless of what occurs in my mind – regardless of how real it looks, or feels, or regardless of how much it speaks to me – it’s not real – it’s an idea in my mind proven by the fact that I can’t live the point physically here; as such I commit myself to bring myself back HERE – and to live physically HERE – to stand physically HERE – and to as such not be possessed or controlled – or in anyway defined by and as my mind

When it is that I see I am using my mind to discern – understand – and comprehend reality – I immediately stop myself – I take a breath, and bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that I must by now have proven to myself – that the mind can’t be trusted – the mind is a fantasy machine and nothing more – as such I commit myself to practice in all ways always walk in practical reality as breath here – and not give into the temptations of the mind

I commit myself to walk with reality – and to deal with my actual physical experience, and expression of myself while facing the unknown – facing a pressure situation – and as such align myself with the physical instead of being caught in my mind as experience

When it is that I think, and believe that a positive experience – implies a positive reality – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that simply because a experience is positive – does not give me confirmation in anyway that reality is positive – and that the actual point is sorted and walked through – I mean it’s obvious common sense that the mind as a fantasy machine is not in touch with reality – and doesn’t function in such a way that it is to show me what is reality; as such I commit myself to not trust that a positive experience describes the state of a point – a positive experience is merely a positive experience – nothing more, and nothing less

When it is that I see I am creating an idea within myself, and a experience – that I would be strong, steadfast, assertive, and effective in walking through a uncertain point – a point wherein I would face the unknown – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that I can’t trust what goes on within me as my mind – and regardless – what I am doing in my mind instead of simply walking through the point here? I mean – will I be able to walk through the point more effectively through being in my mind more? No – obviously not – and as such I commit myself to stick with reality – to make this my MAIN priority – to be here in every moment and not let my mind take me on joy ride into the fantasies of self-interest that exist within my mind

When it is that I am creating a ideal me, and I see that I am within this polarizing myself in relation to reality – creating on the one hand an idea of myself as an ideal me – and on the other hand suppressing the real me – as the actual physical experience of me – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that creating, and forming these types of relationships in my mind results only in that I do not change the actual me – because I am busy believing that I am the fantasy ideal me that I can see in my mind – while that is not in-fact so; as such I commit myself to apply, and perfect the simple point of being HERE in reality – of breathing here – and working with what is here – it’s that simple

When and as I see that I go into a experience within my mind – thinking that I should be fearless, strong, without hesitation, and assertive – when I face the unknown as doing an exam, or walking public speaking – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that I can’t trust – and I can’t align myself with this fantasy – because as I can see when I do in-fact walk a point of the unknown – this mind-experience is not in-fact real – and it’s not me that I am seeing in my mind only a projection as a hope; as such I commit myself to remove any and all mind-delusions as experiences of who I think that I am – and instead I commit myself to live here – and be the best that I can possibly be in every moment of breath – to as such from the mind and into reality

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