Tag Archives: boring

Day 457: Work Is Pretty Fun

Something I really feared and resisted, especially in my teens and early twenties, was to get a regular full time job. I saw it as a form of death – and I did not want to become anything like my parents. I perceived both of them as working too much, and as having lost that playful and youthful expression that could recognize in my peers and myself. Back then, I thought the problem was work.

I found various ways to avoid becoming part of the work force – until – I realized that this was a limitation I had created for myself. Once I understood that it was not work that was the problem, and that rather it was WHO I AM in relation to work, my entire perspective changed. I decided to pursue a university degree and from then on I have been committed to learning a trade and acquiring the necessary skills to become effective within it.

Fact is that work now offers one of my primary sources of learning and expansion in life. Obviously, this does not happen automatically. If I just go to work, and sit there, wait for the time pass, then I will be awarded with very few moments of expansion. However, if I make sure that I make work an equal part of my life, where I push myself to learn, expand, and move, then that is what I will receive in equal measure. Expansion does not happen by itself – it must be directed – it requires discipline and effort. Oftentimes there is a wall of resistance that must be broken down. And when I move beyond the resistance, there is a new world opening up.

It is this new world that I have come to enjoy so much in my work. Because it is not necessarily about the work in itself – it can be about the skills I develop that are indirectly related to my work. At the moment, I have been pushed to develop intimacy, empathy and social skills – and not directly in relation to the work I am doing – but rather as something that exist on the side and as a consequence of my primary work responsibilities. That is not something I would have been confronted with had I not been working.

I sometimes hear people complaining about their work and how they do not want to be there but rather be at home living and fulfilling their private interests. This is a limited way of looking at work. The solution is to make sure that regardless of where we are at, that we find ways to discover and empower ourselves. There are opportunities everywhere, however, in order to see them, we have to be OPEN and RECEPTIVE – and in order to ACT on them – we have to be DISCIPLINED and READY. To be able to master this approach we cannot accept and allow ourselves to remain in a state of whining and complaining. We have to be on our toes and READY to embrace whatever might come our way.

Today, I enjoy going to work most of the days in the week. The days where I do not. I see those days as my challenges. They challenge me to go beyond that emotion of resistance, and to make something out of myself and my day, even if I do not feel like it. Because if it is one thing that I have understood, it is that I can never wait for my mind to give me the get go. My emotions and feelings will never be ready. No, I have to make the decision – PHYSICALLY – through acting in the physical – through changing myself with actual acts in matter. Thus, instead of remaining in that state of depression and tiredness – I protrude my chest, I straighten my back, I push my shoulders backwards, breathe deeply, and start to look at what I can do to make the most of where I am – and I PROMISE – there are ALWAYS ways to move beyond the obvious.

Concluding: Work – a challenge and a gift to be lived and experienced fully – and today it is a opportunity that I am grateful to have in my life.

I have used the Desteni tools of writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application to manifest this change for myself. And through this process, what seemed to be dry and meaningless, has become a well of inspiration for me. For anyone that wants to know what is possible to be created – I suggest that you investigate Desteni.

 


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Day 369: Self-Forgiveness On Fear Of Living A Boring Life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear becoming but a statist, a prop, someone that is uninteresting, and uninspiring, someone that leads a boring and predictable life, that has submitted to a life of survival – and fear that people will judge me as boring, and that when I die, I will feel that I did not do enough with my life, that I did not challenge sufficiently, that I did not push myself sufficiently to walk my process of self-creation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wake up within and as a fear of losing my time to walk process, to fear that I am missing something, that I am failing at something, that there is a unknown variable in my life, of which I am not yet aware, that is slowly but surely moving to a close, and that I will not be able to see this aspect of my life until its to late, and then I will regret myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will regret myself, that I will look back in my life and think: ‘Shit, why did I not do X or Z instead’ – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus on something that I am not sure on what it is – or how I should correct it – or if there even is something for me to correct – instead of focusing on my PRACTICAL living HERE in this moment – because in this practical moment I am able to make changes – I am able to direct myself – make concrete movements as to what I am going to do – improve – change – and walk – movements that I see will have an effect – and obviously my time is better spent in this area of my life where I do see what must be done

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having the time in my life to do what I want to do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having the space in my life to do what I want to do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having the courage, the insight, the seeing, to do what I should be doing, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that there is something I should be doing, that I am not doing, and that this is causing and creating problems for me, that I am not even aware of at this moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am doing things towards myself that I am not even aware that I am doing, that I am creating problems and issues for myself, that I am not even aware of, and that I am slowly but surely losing my ground, losing my presence, losing my life vitality, and that I am not even aware of this, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my life as this constant struggle to remain afloat and in control, to remain directive and in charge, so as to not accept and allow that anything or anyone else takes charge of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my life will be without purpose and meaning

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my life will be without purpose, meaning and importance

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my life will become irrelevant

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being locked into a constant state of survival and search for food and water and nutrition – that all of my life will become about finding resources to survive – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that this is all my life will be and nothing more

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am going to give into and lose myself in the system

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am going to become to engulfed in making sure that I survive in the system that I completely miss out on what is of real importance to me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I have compromised myself – to fear that I have now settled into a lifestyle that is meaningless – and that I am living my life – doing things – walking a way of living and creating myself – that in essence is meaningless – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having a meaningless and insignificant life that others view as nothing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to draw stability, value and comfort within myself, through making sure that others react to, and find my life interesting, worthwhile, and significant

When and as I see myself going into this fear of losing myself in the system, losing my time, losing my purpose and drive, losing my will to live because all of me is sucked into irrelevant points, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand, that fearing to lose myself in something, indicates that I do not fully trust myself, that there is a part of me that know it is possible that I can completely go into a particular lifestyle, and then forget all about what is of real importance, hence, the solution to such a mistrust, would be to push myself and my process of self-creation, to even more, make it part of my daily living application – so that it is not something that can be lost – but a stable and always present part of myself – thus I commit myself to apply self-forgiveness within me after each reaction I have – to apply and practice living words as corrections in the moment when and as I notice I go into some form of mind experience – to continuously and with regular intervals write my blog – speak self-forgiveness out loud and continue my participation in the Desteni courses offered – to thus make sure that my process of self-creation is a living thing that I care for and tend to – and that I make a part of myself


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Day 345: Living Without Limits In a Limited System

When living and participating in the system, day out and day in having to perform the various tasks that we must perform in order to ensure our survival, it is easy to loose touch with what matters. The system moves fast, and a day is usually divided into short segments of time, where we continuously have to move ourselves from point A to point B. At times, this can create the feeling that life is just moving by, too fast for us to really handle or participate fully within. It is unfortunate that we live in a time and age where money has become a prerequisite to survival, and our time is a very limited resource that mostly has to be used to earn money, because this leaves little room for reflection, and self-expansion.

However, the system is currently as is, and it will not change in the near future, and thus what must change is WHO WE ARE within it. If we want to live a fulfilling, creative, expansive life, within a system and style of life that is limited, we must become creative and innovative. In-fact, when looking at it this way, it becomes fun, a game; how am I able to make something exciting, expansive, challenging with my life, where I am at the moment? Is it possible for me to create moments of silence and self-reflection in between the otherwise constant rush between point A and B? Is it possible for me to expand myself in my line of work? Is it possible for me to grow as a person, and utilizing my career, and survival responsibilities to do that?

To answer such questions we have to push ourselves, look out of the box, and learn to approach our lives using fresh eyes. This is obviously difficult, and sometimes, the first process that must be walked, for us to see the opportunities that are here, is letting go of the judgments towards our survival responsibilities and our life in general. Because, if we are not even willing to see the opportunities that are, but are instead focused on dreaming about the future, hoping for something different out there, we will not be able to take the next step in our development. For us to make something more of our current life, we must ground ourselves HERE – HERE within BREATH – that must be our starting point.

The fascinating thing is that our lives – EVEN when they are seemingly consisting out of routine, boring and repetitive tasks, and isolated to things we feel forced to do – has an array of opportunities. Really, if we ever think there is a problem with our lives, that means we have gone into a form of blame, and suppressed our natural movement and drive to expand, move, develop, refine and specify. Thus, we must stop looking outside of ourselves, stop looking out into the future, and turn our eyes within, and push ourselves to discover the areas and the aspects within our life within which we are limited and that we are able to push, and also, the areas within our life where we are strong, and where we are thus able to push ourselves even further.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for my life to change, to wait for my life to give me opportunities and to challenge me, to wait for my existence to move me, instead of me actively moving, and directing myself, and hence, in this process, establishing, and defining myself, where in my life I can push and expand, how I am able to further myself, and become more as a human being

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the premise that life and who I am within life is limited – and that a life in the system of survival – makes me limited – that a position in the system makes me limited – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding, that I am not limited unless I accept and allow myself to be that

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want my life to supply me with positive experiences – and to blame life when that does not happen – to think that I must move and change scenery – that I must have a new life – instead of pushing myself to expand – and look where and how in my life I am able to further my process of self-change and expansion – where in my life that I am still limited – and where thus – I am able to push myself to change

When and as I see myself waiting, or feeling down, blaming the world and the system because I feel limited, and trapped in a life of survival, I stop myself, take a breath and bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand, that I only feel limited because I accept and allow it, that I am limited, because I accept and allow it, and that there is nothing standing in my way when it comes to me expanding and moving, except myself, and thus I commit myself to use my life in the system – to use all of me – to push myself to expand – change and develop myself – to as such become more and realize my full potential as life as what is best for all

Day 317: Redefining Work

I watched a School of Ultimate Living hangout on Redefining the word Work and it was very interesting and inspirational. The hangout covered the topic of resisting and disliking work – an experience most of us are probably able to relate to. I suspect that the majority of people desired to do something different than what they are now doing for a living. At least this is the case for me. My line of profession is not anywhere close to what I hoped to achieve and experience as a youth. However, as our world functions currently that is the reality we have to deal with. It is not likely or realistic that I will be able to make a living with music, painting, being a soccer pro or television host. There are few positions like that in our world, and likelihood that I would be able to achieve one of them is rather distant.

Thus, we live in a world that in many ways does not work effectively in terms of enabling us to fulfill our dreams, however, even though we are not able to individually and singlehandedly change how the current system operates, this does not mean that we are not able to change our experience of ourselves within it. The hangout I mentioned above covers the topic of how you are able to change your experience of yourself in work, and find purpose, enjoyment and satisfaction.

Past week I experimented with some of the suggestions that were given in the hangout. Hence, what I have done is that I have brought a percolator from home, some nice coffee beans, and a coffee grinder. Instead of drinking the coffee that the office provides, which does not taste good at all, I have now begun making my own coffee with freshly grounded beans. It takes longer than using the coffee machine, though, that is part of the experience. Making my own coffee like this is a way of slowing down for a moment, taking a breather, and giving myself a treat.

I have more ideas that I am planning to put into creation during the coming weeks. Among other things, I am going to decorate my room with plants, that will help to clean the air, and create a hospitable and inviting environment. I am further going to organize and clean my office, and make it optimal to suit my needs. These are small things, yet, for me to make a big difference. Because, with these small actions I am integrating myself in my environment, taking words such as care, purpose, and fulfillment, and living them practically in my life – creating my life to be MORE through making each day, and within that my work, an extension and expression of myself and not merely something I rush through in a state of dissatisfaction to be over and done with it.

This is not all. In the hangout what was also discussed is how important it is to live HERE, to embrace one’s work HERE, and not see it as merely a stepping stone to get to where we would like to be. It is easy to forget, but life does not exist in dreams about where we hope to go in our future, it is HERE. We might think that our current job offers no stimulation, no challenges, that it is a dead end, and that it will not lead us anywhere – however when we decide to approach our work from that starting point that is also what we create. The solution is to embrace where we are now, and open our eyes to the opportunities that are here. There might be some awesome colleagues that we have not pushed ourselves to get to know, because we have been so stuck in a negative experience towards work. Further, there might be projects, and other types of possibilities at work, that we have disregarded, for the same reason.

At my own office, I have discovered that there is plenty of opportunities to expand, particularly through getting involved in and starting up projects and groups that in different ways improve the working environment. An example would be taking the time to write down and share insights and experiences in relation to various work responsibilities with my colleagues, that will benefit the organization as a whole – and in that giving as I would like to receive. And this opens up another point, that to be able to have purpose and fulfillment in our lives, we must be willing to, and push ourselves to give. Because it is when we give, and we give unconditionally, that we  receive. This brings to memory a famous quote: ‘Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country’ – and that can be changed into: ‘Ask not what your work can do for you, but what you can do for your work.

To summarize, what can be learned and taken from this hangout?

We create our lives, thus, the problem is not our environment, it is WHO WE ARE in relation to our environment. When we decide to become the best we can be to ourselves, and our current reality, then we will also experience a life filled with purpose, fulfillment and satisfaction.


Redefining Work

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Day 11: Test-anxiety (Part 1)

blog-exam-04182011This is my fifth term at the university and I’ve still not been able to effectively remove the test-anxiety I experience at the end of each semester when the final test is being held. Every time I become nervous, and filled with anxiety – and what I tend to do is that I stress-read, and simply overdo my studies to the extent where I study for up to 10 hours on a day – and then afterwards I am totally exhausted – because I’ve gone into my studying so intensively that I’ve not considered my human physical body, or myself for that matter – only studying for the upcoming test have existed within me.

This time around I’d like to change this point – and also make sure that I don’t experience anxiety as I am doing the test – because that anxiety greatly inhibits my ability to write the test effectively – so it would be awesome to go to my test, and write the test being completely calm, and relaxed.

Thus the first point that I will walk here in this blog is to locate all the particular fears that I have in relation to my studies – that come through has backchat, and thoughts – and have my loose my concentration and instead get caught in anxiety, and fear.

  1. I fear that I won’t get a good job after I’m done with studies – unless I get the best grade
  2. I fear that I will regret myself – and feel that I do everything I could – if I don’t get the best grade on my test – and I haven’t been running around spending all my time on studying for my test
  3. I fear that I won’t get as much done unless I use stress a way to motivate myself
  4. I fear that my parents will be dissatisfied with me unless I get the best grade
  5. I fear that I will become dissatisfied with myself if I don’t get the best grade
  6. I fear feeling useless, and worthless if I don’t get the best grade
  7. I fear that I won’t be the best – but that there will be others that receive better grades than me
  8. I fear that I will forget everything while doing the test
  9. I fear that there will come a extremely difficult question on the test, and because of that I will fail the test
  10. I fear that I will forget to prepare for everything in relation to the test – and thus not be able to do the test effectively
  11. I fear that I will simply fail on my test without understanding why – regardless of much I study – that I’ll simply not be able to walk my studies effectively enough
  12. I fear that I am not intelligent enough to be able to learn all the information before the test
  13. I fear that I will prepare myself wrong – and then not understand the test as I get it into my hands
  14. I fear that I won’t have as many opportunities in my future unless I get the best grade – because everyone will consider, and see me as someone that “didn’t get the best grades”
  15. I fear becoming ridiculed, and laughed at by others as being stupid, and not being able to get a good grade
  16. I fear that there is not enough time for me to prepare myself effectively, and that I will accordingly come unprepared to the test
  17. I fear that my mother will say to me that I could’ve done better
  18. I fear that my family will not be happy with me – as they are when I receive a good grade on my tests
  19. I fear relaxing, and breathing when I study – in fear that if I don’t use fear to study – that I will then not move myself as effectively, and fast – and thus be compromised

In my next blog I will begin to walk through this list point by point – and apply self-forgiveness, and self-commitment statements – and I will be done with the list in time for my test – so then I will be able to see whether my preparation

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