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Day 371: Chilling Out

Some time has passed since I finished my studies and got my first job – and in it has been a process with some changes. One of the biggest shifts has been that I have had a lot less time while working compared to when I was studying. This change took me by surprise and a couple of times, especially lately, I have reacted to the point that I do not have more time to my disposal. Instead of embracing the my life at moment simply does not contain the amount of leisure time that I had access to before, I have tried to handle it within the starting point of making myself more efficient. I do see that such a application is a cool way to tackle lack of time, however, it is also important to make sure that the decision to practice time efficiency is not based on fear or a reaction towards not having as much time  when compared to the past.

Last week I really pushed time efficiency, though afterwards, I could see that it was from within and as a starting point of fear – because I scurried about trying to do as much as possible without really getting anything done – and as I woke up the next morning – I could literally feel in my body how I had been moving myself too fast the day before. Another point that I could notice with how I moved myself was the way I prioritized the different activities/tasks were not effectively aligned. I felt pressured to continue certain tasks, that when looking at them objectively, were not in any way as urgent as I made them out to be.

Thus, there is a difference between being efficient with time and being stressed/uptight about time. The latter way of relating to time is when we believe that we should strive towards getting as much done as possible. Obviously, getting a lot of things done does not in itself mean that our life will be effectively organized and directed – because for us to be effective in that regard as well – we must be able to prioritize, to see the big picture, and ascertain as well as specify what order activities/tasks should be walked. When we are able to do that, as well as being efficient with our time, then we are making real progress.

However, just scurrying about trying to do as much as possible, that is not only inefficient, it also puts a strain on the body. The body should always be considered in any type of schedule. If we do not make space and time for the body to recuperate and rejuvenate from labor we will not be effective and in time our body will show physical symptoms of our disregard. That is why time efficiency does not imply ‘doing things as fast as possible’ – rather – being efficient with time is to know the limits of the physical, to plan and organize effectively, and to prioritize, and not become stressed/anxious/worried when there simply is not enough time for certain tasks/activities. If that happens, it is better to simply let them go, and then when time opens up another day, to then pursue the point.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become winded up when I notice that I do not have enough time to do everything I have planned, and then try to force the execution and creation of my plans into reality, not seeing, realizing and understanding, that I am by doing that creating consequences for myself, I am harming myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to force my plans and visions into creation instead of walking breath by breath – HERE in the physical – not accepting and allowing myself to attempt try to skip steps and move to fast – but to see, realize and understand that my movement and creation of points will be efficient – when I walk HERE – in the physical – not trying to do more than – or less than – but remaining in the physical – doing things breath by breath – moving points breath by breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not move myself in balance and equilibrium with my external reality – and to within this see, realize and understand – that when I try to force points from within and as a starting point of stress – I am creating consequences for my human physical body – and then – further – I am creating consequences in the sense that what I do is usually not done very effectively – because I rush through it – trying to complete it – not seeing, realizing and understanding that for an expression to come through nicely – I must invest the time and effort required – and that cannot be controlled by my stress and urge to get points done now

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt and try to force the creation of time, to force getting and having more time on my hands, and to go into an emotional turmoil and conflict when I feel that there is not enough time to do what I have planned – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it is not the time that I push and change, it is rather my planning, my organization and my priorities – and also see that when I attempt and try to force points into creation – prematurely birthing them and placing them into this world even though the prerequisites for such a creation is not here – then I am creating consequences

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not chill out – to allow myself to let go of the need, the urge, to complete certain tasks – to asks myself in self-honesty whether it is in-fact as important to complete this point that I am looking as it seems and feels inside of my mind – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath, to bring myself back here to and as my human physical body, and to move with breath, to move with the physical, to move one step at a time, and to assess in each moment if it works, if I am moving myself effectively – and if I am satisfied with how the point is playing out

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate getting things done with a positive feeling – to think that it is positive, it is good, it is beneficial the more things that I get done – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question this premise – because why would it be good the more things I get done? There is nothing within getting things done that in itself creates a better me, or a better world, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that I have been indoctrinated into a ‘productive’ mind-set – where the production is what matters – the amount of products produced – and not the presence within that production and work

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value quantity before quality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that there is a value in how I get things done – to see that it is not only about producing and showing a product – it is also about who I am in the making and creation of that product – because if I am running around in a state of stress – then what does it really mean to be able to create a lot of things? Because I am not really HERE anyway – I am not really living anyway – so what does it then matter that I am able to produce and create a lot of things?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice comfortable and easy-going – chilled out – movement – to move myself breath by breath – from point to point – getting things done in a steady and consistent pace – not accepting and allowing myself to become rushed – and then attempt and try to rush the completion of what I am doing so that I can get to the next point – no – I move myself breath by breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself that I will get things done – maybe not now – but if I stick to the point and I move myself consistently – little by little – day by day – then I will move the point into completion eventually – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have this expansive way of viewing my reality – where I see the entire timeline of a creation stretched out into the future – and I do not accept and allow myself to become zoned in and possessed with wanting to and trying to finish and complete something HERE in this moment

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I am rushing myself, forcing myself to move to get as many points done as possible, I take a breath, I bring myself back here, and I stop myself, and I see, realize and understand that being efficient with time, also implies moving myself consistently, with a comfortable pace for my body, taking breaks and moments to support my body – being realistic about what can be done, prioritizing and making sure that I pursue the most important tasks first and organizing and planning my time – and also having an overview – seeing that some projects and tasks will take longer to complete – and that it is nothing wrong in itself – it is simply what it is – that is how physical reality operates – certain points takes time; thus I commit myself to move myself breath by breath – and when I get stressed or I notice that I jump in my thought processes between various projects – I take a breath – I ground myself back here – and I continue to move myself in a comfortable pace with the ONE project I got going HERE

And – I commit myself to develop the skills of prioritizing, planning and organizing – to as such develop an overview of my life – and also learn what is important and what is not – to understand within this that to produce is not what matters – what matters is who I am within that – and that I am creating a life for myself and others that is effective and supportive in all dimensions and aspects of living


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Day 346: Writing Our Character

Walking the process of self-creation is not at this stage mainstream behavior. It is rather the opposite – hence self-creation – and placing time and effort into self-investigation is many times looked as a dubious, strange and unnecessary activity. And many groups that form around interests such as self-introspection and self-creation are unfortunately termed cults, and are subject to slander and public defamation. Thus, this world, and most relationships in it, does not at this stage support the PROCESS of birthing life from the physical. However, we cannot allow that to stand in our way. And thus it is important to find ways to integrate points of support for self throughout our days, where we give ourselves time to devote ourselves to our process.

Writing is a great way to solidify the process of self-creation, and if it can be done a couple of days a week, it will assist and support a lot in grounding process into one’s everyday life. Writing a blog for example, is a way of stating WHO I AM – it is a opportunity to expand and move – and to open what is going on under the surface – and specifying where more work must be put in. And because we live in a system, where most of the time such a process of expansion is not supported, it makes it very important to take time write.

When we write, we select words, we specify, describe, and paint a picture, and it is through this process of selection and placing, that we form and shape our character – the WORDS we are going to live as ourselves. If we do not write, then what is then going to shape our lives? The thoughts that arise in our minds, the backchat, emotions, and feelings, and other automatic experiences that we do not even know where they come from, that is going to be what forms our character. And the big, big problem here is that we cannot trust what comes up within ourselves as emotions and feelings. Most of the times it is complete bullshit – and it is thus no wonder that humanity is having difficulties expanding – considering that we are not taking the time to sit down, consider, reflect, and create using words that honor life.

Self-creation is all about words, it is all about making decisions as to what expressions/experiences we will accept and allow within ourselves. Thus, what I have found is that, if we are not actively expanding, refining, and moving ourselves, as our vocabulary, we will diminish, and that experience is going to come through as a sense of being down, depressed, and bored. The mistake most of us make when we reach that stage is that we blame our reality, or the people within it, thinking that it is their fault that we are not expanding. However, it is never about our external environment – it is about WHO WE ARE – and HOW we MOVE.

Usually, we find ourselves in a small world, that is defined by routines, and responsibilities. We do the same thing day out and day in, because that is how survival works. Though, that must not become an excuse for us to not create ourselves, because within walking the process of self-creation, one thing is clear, there will always be opportunities for expansion – IF – we are open and receptive to them – and IF we are on our toes – ready to JUMP at them when they appear. Being consistent with writing assists and supports with finding these opportunities.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become lazy, in the sense that I wait for my life to expand, instead of me actively moving myself to expand, through finding opportunities, finding weaknesses to strengthen and strengths to make even stronger, to thus be a active part in my life and create myself utilizing the time given to me every day

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for me to expand, instead of actively walking that process

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be open and receptive to the opportunities that are here in my life – to not be open and receptive to the various things and processes that can be walked – where I am still accepting and allowing myself to remain in some sort of limitation – and where I am thus able to improve myself – empower myself – strengthen myself – and expand my process of self-creation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that consistently writing, assists and supports me in my process of self-creation – it assists and supports me to find my weak spots – to find where I still have to improve – to find the opportunities that are and have always been HERE – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to make self-creation a priority in my life and something that I push everyday

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that to move forward in my process of self-creation, I must, myself, find the points where I am able to move forward, and thus in a way, CREATE my own processes, as I see, realize and understand, that this is what self-creation implies in its very essence – that I build and move something from scratch into and as a point of completion – thus I must make the initial schematics – and I must then place and initiate them into self-creation – and there will never be someone or something coming into my life that creates and makes this for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for my process to unfold instead of creating it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for my life to unfold – instead of creating it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait instead of creating

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself feeling limited, bored, depressed, down or contained, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand, that usually, I feel like this, because I am not actively moving myself in my reality to create myself, my process, my life, my direction, my future – and thus I see, realize and understand that this is a sign – that I require to spark things up – move myself – take on a point of creation – and thus I look within myself in that moment if there is a point of creation I can practice THEN and THERE – and then I commit myself to practice and live that point of creation that I see I am able to push and create within me

 

A photo by Joanna Kosinska. unsplash.com/photos/B6yDtYs2IgY

Day 337: How To End Rear View Mirror Living?

When you build something big, such as a house, there will (unless you are MacGyver or some other perfect individual) be mistakes made, things missed, points forgotten, or not considered sufficiently. I know because I have been there, it is not possible, or at least, close to impossible to build the perfect house, or the perfect what-so-ever. In the end, there will always be things that could have been better. For me, it has been sometimes difficult to come to terms with these mistakes, that after the house has been finished, each day openly and glaringly stares me in my face. The emotion is there, that deep urge, and desire, to be able to turn back time and make a different decision, the right one. And even though it is of no point to go in my mind go back in time, and consider these things, the experience driving this thought-process is an experience that it could potentially change something, there is that nagging experience, that maybe, maybe if I stick with it, and look at it once more, it will change.

This way of approaching life – which I coin Rear-View-Mirror-Living – is a real party killer. The consequences of ‘Rear-Mirroring’ (the verb conjugation of my new word) is that I will not give the necessary attention to my life HERE, I will not focus on improving and pushing my daily living forward, but my thoughts, and my considerations will remain in the past – LIFE here will become but a empty narrative – bereft of substance – because all of my being will be in the past. The main problem thus is that no CREATION will happen as all attention is gathered on what has already been created – and the faults/mistakes of that particular creation – it is a form of regret. And we, sane people, can all agree that living in regret is no way to live, though few of us are able to use that regret, the Rear-Mirror-Living, as keys to self-expansion and building a better life for ourselves. In other words, making the enemy our friend.

What we see in our rear view and that bugs us will be consequences created by aspects of ourselves which we are able to change in the present. Unfortunately however, what we see in our rear view, such as regrets, will often end up as an emotion a – a state of dissatisfaction and a point that we continuously go back to in order to ponder – only serving our mind and not our physical creation. Hence, what is missed in that state of pondering about the past is that we can instead look at HOW we created the particular situation that is now a point of regret within us; What about our character was responsible for creating the situation/point we now experience a regret towards? Because, if we are able to see HOW we created a particular point in the past, we can identify where we are creating the same in our present reality, and thus how we are able to assist and support ourselves to change, and realign, to NOT recreate the past.

A part from us being able to shift the tendency of Rear-View-Mirror-Living into a present and future oriented CREATION living – what is important when it comes to stopping our ‘looking back phenomena’ is to dare to NOT think – having the courage to simply STOP. I have noticed that at times, I have felt compelled to think about something, and oftentimes the illusion is that I am able to reach some form of conclusion or state of release by thinking, thus making me anxious of stopping my thought process, because what if I then miss out on this great realization I am apparently about to have? However, I have realized that, thinking about these things, without exception, always leads to an even more unstable and conflicted state of mind. Release only comes through letting go of the process of thinking, and that takes some courage, because it implies letting go of the problem/issue/experience that is the foundation of the thought pattern. And because we let go of a foundation, we now have to create our own self – our own direction/movement/future – that is why it is so scary – we are entering into the unknown.

Let us look at another perspective on this point: When someone goes of rambling about mistakes they did in the past, it is easy to attempt and try to comfort them by telling them that things are not as bad as they think. This however is not an efficient way of approaching the Rear-View-Character – what instead should be brought to their attention is that by looking at the mechanics of HOW their past moment was created – and HOW those mechanics are still a part of their present life – and as such – they will be able to stop themselves from recreating their past. Hence their focus and effort should be placed on aligning and changing these inefficient traits, memes and quirks (their current self-mechanics) so that they can walk into a better future. When we look at the past pro-actively – it can be a GREAT source of knowledge that we are able to use to get to know ourselves better.

To sum it up. Rear-View-Mirror-Living (do I have copyright on this term now?) is in its essence an addiction to thoughts – we want to think about our past – feel good or bad about it – continuously assess, value, pinpoint, and define with our minds. This is a LIMITATION – because by existing in a Rear View State – we miss out on CREATING our life HERE. This brings me into the solution – which is to CREATE: CREATE our future – CREATE our character – CREATE our skills, abilities, our integrity, our state of mind, our WHO WE ARE – and NOT leave anything to to chance. In that process of CREATION – we are able to use our inner Rear View Mirror to LEARN about ourselves – to see where we need fine tuning, and to understand, what consequences our characters and patterns have the potential of creating. However – the Rear View must never become a purpose in itself – we USE it to expand – not to be in a constant state of looking back.


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slow

Day 335: Slowing Down

Of all animal species on earth, human beings is the only one capable of creating a dream/goal/vision, and then, walk through life with the sole focus of fulfilling that future point of creation. All other types of animals lives and creates in the moment with no particular idea of how they would like their future to look like. As much as this skill we have is what makes us powerful, extraordinary and capable of building magnificent things, it is also our greatest weakness, in particular when our drive/desire to bring something into creation ‘out there’ gets in the way of living and experiencing life on a day to day basis HERE.

To better understand this point I will share an example from my own life. All since beginning my university studies some 6 years ago, I have been very motivated to get through them and to dive into the world system and start applying myself in my area of expertise. This focus of mine was initially very supportive, because I was clear and determined, I knew where I was going and had a general idea of how I was going to get there. However, when I was about to finish my studies, and I applied for the last advanced courses, a doubt and insecurity started to creep up within me. I had achieved excellent marks and before me was a world of opportunities, though the problem was that I had no particular interest or passion in any field or area. For me, all the various focuses that I could decide to move into where the same. On top of this, there was a conflict within me, as to whether I should choose a focus where there was more money, or a focus that was more aligned with what I enjoyed to do.

This uncertainty grew within me and continued for a long while after I was done with my university studies. I just did not feel comfortable in deciding on a focus, on a direction, and on where I wanted to take my life. I felt like it was too much of a decision, because, what if I made the wrong decision? What if I after several years realized that I had moved in the wrong direction? What was I supposed to do then? At that point I would have wasted all of these years, when I instead could have made the right decision immediately. Hence, what became my focus was what I wanted to do in the future, not, what I wanted to do, and what I was already involved with HERE. Because, as I was having these uncertainties about my future, I at the same time enrolled in a advanced class, and I continued to pursue hobbies and leisurely interests – yet always with this little voice deep inside my mind reminding me that I did not really know what to make of myself in my future.

It is fascinating to look back and see how this pattern of wanting to know and be clear on who I am going to be, and what I am going to do in my future plays out, and what that consequences flows from this mind design. In trying so desperately to know what we going to create with our lives, we miss out on the actual real life process of creating and building ourselves, our days, our interests, our careers, and all of the various things that are included in this thing we call life. Instead of creation being HERE, in the moment, in the physical, something that we express naturally as WHO WE ARE, life then becomes mechanic, where we fill ourselves up with logical assessments and attempts at making final and conclusive decisions as to where we are going, FORGETTING that, life can only be effectively lived in the moment – and while it is possible to have a plan and general outline of where we are going – it is not possible to decide upon where we will end up eventually.

I had a chat with a friend of mine during the time when my uncertainties reached a peak, and she shared with me the following:

We often think that things only get moving THERE in the FUTURE – when all the while, to create that future – starts with EVERY DAY, that little you do to get things moving and building on it however much you can with each passing day.

This statement has been the SOLUTION for me to move out of my inner madness of continuously wondering about, considering, and looking at what I should do – and instead embracing what is HERE.

I find it fascinating how it is so, so easy to become overwhelmed and lost within feelings and fantasies of what we should be doing, want to do, feel like doing, resist doing, hope to do, dream about doing, instead of focusing on WHAT WE ARE DOING and what is POSSIBLE in the life we already live here. It is so easy to get lost in thoughts about doing and experiencing things that are not a practical or a realistic option, and at the same time, completely forgetting and missing what is right in-front of us.

Now, creation starts HERE, with the small and seemingly insignificant acts that things moving in the direction we have foreseen. If you have an urge to learn a new language, however, you have looked at it and realized that there is no time to do to pursue a course or travel a country where that language is spoken – then – instead of getting stuck in that state of wondering – look at of the box – what small thing are you able to do in your everyday life that will bring you closer to the goal that you have set for yourself. Maybe, one such act would be to buy a audio beginners language course and then practice and  learn the new language while driving to work?

When we SLOW the fuck DOWN – stop rushing and looking at what we must reach out there in the future – and bring our focus BACK HERE – that is when shit starts to make sense. Whatever it is that we want, on some level, it is already here and ripe for the taking – we just need to open our eyes – see it – and act.


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Day 327: What Are We Living For?

What are we living for? Looking at how we live on a day-to-day basis, it is clear that this point have not been investigated sufficiently. The tendency we have is to place primary value on our external lives. When we have a job, we have a house, and we have a partner, then our life is functional and apparently fulfilling. However, when we are not able to find work, we struggle to survive, and we cannot find a partner, only then we feel that there is something wrong. This is a generalization, but most us seem to have these variables existent within when it comes to determining what is a successful and enjoyable life and what is not – it is all about what goes on around.

Oftentimes, what disappears and lose importance as we tend and care for our external life is our internal realities. Our inner life does not at all have the same standing and priority as our external reality. For example in Europe, many of us view it as a sign of weakness to go visit a psychologist to have your mental status evaluated. And when we look at ‘what we do’  and ‘who we are’ – what emerge within is pictures, remembrances, and memories of the various roles we are and have fulfilled in the system, people, relatives, animals, colleagues, and similar. Apparently, we are the employee, the graduate, successful, the animal owner, the friend, the father or mother, though, what is missing within this is OURSELVES – our inner life – our inner environment – the truth of who we are – that is not defined or limited by the physical reality we move within.

Words such as purpose and meaning also comes through, limited by this one dimensional  view of life. It is about career and family, yet seldom anything more than that. It is as if we have forgotten OURSELVES in the midst of everything, as we come of age and we are forced to face life and what comes with it. Maybe this is why we have had such a difficulty in creating any lasting change in this world. When we do not even know what motivates us, why we feel and experience ourselves the way we do, why we dislike some people and like other, how can we expect to have any significant impact? How can we change, shape, and form our lives in a way that is best for all, and best for ourselves, when we do not know who we are to begin with? When we have forgotten the experiences, inner monologues and decisions, that throughout our lifetime molded us into who we are at this moment, it is not possible to make life something more.

We have forgotten what is important and real, and our focus/emphasis have been located to some very few areas of life, and this has caused us to become blind. We are not able to see how creation works in our external life, as we have not yet investigated and seen it works internally. Accordingly, what should have been a natural part of our education and upbringing, the process of learning about ourselves, does not yet exist.

This is why, if we want to change this world to become a better place, we have to engage in a process of re-education, because the one most important variable of creation that is still not understood is SELF. The result is that we create our lives without self-intimacy, self-love, without understanding what would be best for us, without principles or a clear direction – life seemingly happens – and most of us have no idea what is really going on. Only several years later down the road do we look back and conclude that there was no real plan, intent or meaning with ourselves – that things only happened and we followed along – BECAUSE – we did not know what we wanted and what would have been the best for us – even less so – what would have been best for everyone.

Thus, asking the question ‘what are we living for?’ is important, because it displays the gaping holes existent within our current definition of meaning, expression and life. Are we living for a career? To what purpose? To have money and manifest positive experiences for ourselves and then die? Are we living for our family? For what reason? To feel we belong somewhere, that we do something good, and that we feel happy? But what about OURSELVES? Should not our lives have more depth, more meaning, more reflection, more prudence and consideration, where we SLOW DOWN – and instead of rushing into things – first ask ourselves – is this what is BEST for me? Will this decision, walking this path, support ME in my process of SELF-CREATION? In my process of LIVING my utmost potential, and sharing this expression with others in a way that is best for all?

We as individuals are the only ones able to give our lives meaning, depth, intimacy, something MORE above and beyond the obvious and instantaneous image we see. We are not limited by the appearance of things, by the job we have, the family we live with, the relations we have and roles we step into, we are capable of MUCH MORE – and all of that does unfold as we investigate and open up our relationship with ourselves.


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MY FAVORITE

Day 326: When Things Does Not Go According To Plan

Let us face it. Some times things do not go according to plan, do not turn out the way we imagined, feel the way we hoped, or shape the way we envisioned – sometimes mistakes happens. For me, this has happened in relation to the house I was recently part of building together with my partner. We mapped everything out, planned, considered, and looked, and yet, when the finished product is manifested HERE, there are things I am not satisfied with.

For example, the shower has been located in a area of the bathroom with a very low ceiling, making it impossible for someone that is taller than 1.90 cm to use it efficiently. I am able to do it, however, if it was to be, that anyone else is will live here in the future, that is tall, they would have a problem. What has particularly bothered me about this mistake is that I did have an opportunity to intervene and direct the point. I remember that I got home from work, and my partner showed me how the carpenters had set up the bathroom, and I could immediately see that the shower room would become a problem. I said this to my partner, who told me to tell this to the carpenters so that they could change the construction. Then, I said, it is too late anyway! They have already begun to build!

And it was true, they had begun to build already, however at that time, they had only yet put up the wooden framework, and it would have been easy to relocate and change the disposition of the room. But I did not say anything, and then, layer upon layer was added, and now, it is a complete bathroom, and changing the location of the shower room now, would imply a complete re-building of the toilet – and that is NOT something I am particularly interested in at the moment.

The problem I am faced with now, is that every time I enter into the shower, I become irritated, and annoyed, and start thinking about this shower, and that it is not effectively placed, how I could have changed the outlook of it if I would have stuck to my guns, to moment, immediately as I saw that the planning of the toilet would become a problem.

Today as I walked into the toilet, and this backchat emerged within me, I decided to change it, and look at it differently. Because, instead of seeing this, according to me, badly located shower, as a thorn in my side, and a constant reminder that I did something wrong, it is instead something that I can utilize to learn and expand. And I have realized that mistakes will never cease to happen, I will not one day become sufficiently perfect to never make mistakes. Every time I venture into a new area of expression, a new phase and part of my life, regardless if that is building a house, taking on a new career, starting a new hobby, there WILL be mistakes. In-fact, mistakes is a natural part of the growth process, of learning something, finding myself within it, becoming accustomed to, and making decisions of what I like, and what I do not like, what is acceptable and what is not acceptable.

Hence, this poorly located shower, it is a reminder to myself that it is important to be self-honest, to not accept and allow myself and my world to be less than what it could be, and to when I find out that something is not effectively aligned, to then make sure that I act, and that I walk the process of correcting the point. AND – that I must dare and practice the courage of SHARING myself when I am dissatisfied with something, and not assume that it is too late, or that I am wrong, or that I should not say anything, but to act, move and direct myself, to see what possible, potential solutions there are for the problem I am faced with.

Not only does this bathroom offer me the opportunity to learn something when it comes to other parts of my life, it is also a great challenge in practicing living words. Because what I noticed happens within me, when I start to become irritated as to how the bathroom looks like, is that I become hard, grave and stern. I have however asked myself, would I feel like this if I was a child and made this mistake with the shower? And the answer is NO, I would not have. The reason is that as a child, I was more in the moment, more HERE, and not as invested into my belongings, as long as the shower worked, and warm water came out, it was all to my liking. And the difference between myself now, and myself as a child, was that my focus back then was HERE on me expressing, moving, directing myself in the MOMENT – I was more light-hearted and embracing of my reality regardless of how it looked. Thus, this shower problem offers me an opportunity to practice this expression of being light-hearted, easygoing and carefree that I stood as when I was a child. I do not have to make everything so serious! It is just a shower and nothing more!

This concludes my stories with the failed shower. For anyone walking through similar issues, my suggestion is to embrace the child within you, the wild, playful, carefree, and easy-going expressions that once existed within us, and that we are able to embody and live again. Fuck-ups and mistakes is a part of life, thus, let us embrace them, learn from them, and move and to perfect our creations, and obviously, dare to make more mistakes!



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plan

Day 322: Research, Planning and What Goes On Behind the Scenes

Since some weeks I have been laying concrete tiles where I live and through this I have reached a couple of insights when it comes to creation in the physical. Initially, when I first made the decision to lay concrete tiles, I did not know what it entailed. I did not have any previous knowledge and as such I was required to do the necessary research. I read up on the process and realized that the tiles in themselves is only the esthetic part of the structure – what makes the tiles effective is what is under them, which is various types of tightly packed and crushed rock and sand. In-fact, if the ground work is not done effectively, which is the process of packing the rock and the sand, the tiles will begin to shift, and change their positions only after a couple of years. Hence, the quality of the tiles, and how they will look, it is all dependent on structures that you cannot immediately see when you look at surface.

I am now soon finished with this project, and I am satisfied with the results, which I know is the outflow of having committed and pushed myself to walk all parts of the creation process with specificity. And what I learned from this process is how important thorough research and planning is when it comes to living and creating in this physical world; how are we able to expect that things will turn out fine if we do not put in the time to get to know the variables of physical creation? It is impossible, and still, this has been my customary way of approaching creation – just winging it. And is not this the way we tend to approach creation in other parts of life as well?

Let us look at relationships for example. How many sit down to plan their future relationships? What words they want to be expressed and lived in the relationship, what they want out of it, and how they want to experience themselves? Very few, and still we expect that the relationship will magically turn out great. And the same goes with where we decide to live, what careers we take on, the future we walk into, how many of us actually sit down to research and plan a direction for our lives?

To learn to research and plan in all parts of our lives is empowering – because in becoming efficient, thorough and specific with these skills, we are able to establish a direction for ourselves – where we KNOW what path we are heading down – we know what we are creating, what we want, what we need, what we will accept and allow and what we will not accept and allow. And one person that I have learned a lot from in this regard is my partner. When we built our house together she was adamant about doing extensive research and having a well thought plan with regards to each small aspect of our future home. It was fascinating to see, but at that stage, I was not ready for it, and did not appreciate the skills properly. I saw my partners passion for perfection as being overly ambitious. Though, as the house stood complete, I could see the fruit of my partners specificity, and also the consequences of my own lack of specificity, because certain parts of the house that I had been in charge of did not turn out the way I wanted.

When looking at the word PLAN – it is similar to the sound of PLAY  – and PLANT – the sound of the word thus implying that planning is about PLAYING out scenarios – using our minds constructively to simulate a situation before we walk it for real – and PLANT – showing that planning is about PLANTING the seeds that will become our future. And if we for a moment take a look, a seed is basically a blueprint, that given certain conditions, will begin to grow and realize itself into manifestation. Thus, if we want to be a part of deciding our future, we have to plan, because in that we PLANT our seeds, as the words we place, which eventually, as we live and walk these words, will become our reality – that is how creation works.

It is the same things with MANIFESTOS – because what is a manifesto but a plan? A sequence of words placed unto paper describing a desired condition – and through living manifestos, we are able to MANIFEST our words into reality. Though, to know what to manifest, we have to do the research.

Now, what I have found fascinating in uncovering how important research and planning are when it comes to any form of self-creation, is that this part of creation is not necessarily visible. For example, I today live in a home that I love, that is effective, and practical, however, for my home to become this way, there has been A LOT of time and effort invested into coming up with, and preparing this creation – what can be seen as the finished house is only a minuscule part of the entire creation process. And thus, what I would like to highlight with this is the importance of learning to see beyond the immediate picture that we are faced with. Everything is not what it looks like, and even in the simplest of creations, there are most often a significant amount of preparatory labor and effort invested. And this is something I will take with me when I in the future will look for and decide to take on new projects, to take into consideration that I will not only have to do visible physical creation, but also the time required to efficiently plan and prepare for the executive phase.


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