Tag Archives: change

Day 396: Processing At Work

The office I find to be one of the most challenging environments within which to remember and apply the tools of process; breathing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective statements and self-corrective application. While at the office, I find it to be very, very easy to loose myself in a rushed state – and illusion of time constraints where I become convinced by my own belief that I literally do not have any time left whatsoever to be utilized for my process.

For example let us say that I have a reaction at work; anxiety comes up in relation to finishing a particular task that has been assigned to me. The common sense in such a moment would be to stop up, take a breath, look at this anxiety, apply a fitting line of self-forgiveness, find a corrective word to live, and then apply it, and continue walking. Having such a simple approach each time there is a reaction within me that I have difficulty to stop on the go would make A LOT of difference for me. However, because I have this illusion of hurry within me – I do not take those moments that would be so good for me to do.

An interesting point that I have noticed is that usually, there is time available at work to stop up and deal with inner experiences that open up. Though I have to use my time effectively. And here I have seen that while at work, there is a tendency to spend the time I do have available on things such as coffee breaks, long lunches, etc. – breaks that could be shortened where time would be released that I could instead utilize to apply the tools of process and move myself forward within myself in relation to what I am going through. Potentially, I could instead of using my lunch break to eat and then sit and talk about something that have no real meaning or depth to it, go and write in my journal for a moment, and outline my inner process for that day in words – which would also be really assisting and supportive for me to remain stable and efficient in dealing with what comes up within me.

Thus – I have realized that learning to apply process while participating in the normal everyday things and responsibilities of life holds the key of moving fast and efficiently through what comes up within me. I always have the tools with me, it is simply a matter of remembering them, and applying them, and then doing it over and over again until I have come through. Work is no excuse for not walking process, having many responsibilities is no excuse for not walking process, being a parent with young children is no excuse for not walking process – because process is ALWAYS here – it is simply a matter of making the decision to bring process HERE.

 


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Day 388: Is It Possible To Be Too Ambitious?

Since becoming a father, one of the ways in which my life has radically changed has been that I have a lot less time at my disposal. On a usual weekday, I am able to get home from work, deal with my responsibilities, and then there might be an hour left for me to do with as I decide. Naturally the weekends has come to represent the ‘time’ when I get to really have time for my projects and more time consuming responsibilities. Because of this the weekends are usually packed with things that I have planned that I am going to do. Unfortunately, because I have planned SO many things during the weekend, my schedule tends to become too ambitious. The consequences thereof is that I haste through my tasks, that I become frustrated when things take longer than what I initially planned, and that I become stressed when I see the clock moving forward with unbreakable determination.

I discussed this with my partner, and she brought up the point that I might be too ambitious with my activities/projects/things I desire to be done during the weekdays and weekends and that this then causes me to become/live in a state of stress pressure – and where my responsibilities become burdens/shackles – and not something that I am doing/taking part of as an expression of myself. I can see that she has a point. Instead of realigning my plans when things get too tight, I try to squeeze everything in there through forcing myself to move faster, think faster, do things faster. Hence, from my perspective, I can benefit from approaching this point in a wholly different way – and some of the alignments that I see I have to do is to be less ambitious with my planning – and also – to practice becoming more flexible and easy-going when I see that my plans will not hold up – and that there is a lack of time.

Thus, two words comes up for me that I want to look at/redefine/live in my life to solve this problem of mine: Realistic and Flexible.

Redefining words

Realistic

What is interesting about the word realistic is that, from my perspective, it should be natural to be realistic, considering that we have grown up in a world, that is realistic, and that we are continuously throughout our days faced with a REAL reality. Hence, the reason why I have had difficulty to be realistic is because I have obscured my clarity with feelings and emotions, in this case, particularly hope and fear. Fear being the central point of motivation, where I fear not getting done certain things, and then hope, as the energy that I use to suppress my fear and fool myself that I am able to do and get to more things than what I am actually able to handle.

To live realistic practically would thus be to FORGIVE and LET GO of my fears, and then to proceed making decisions about my day without hope. Instead, I will practice myself to see my reality for what it is – simply for what it is – nothing more than – nothing less than – instead PHYSICAL reality – what is ACTUALLY here for real.

Flexible

Flexible, being able to change direction, change plans, change mindset on the go. This is important, because when something is not working, when there is in-fact to little time for me to walk through an ambitious schedule, that is when it is important to notice this, and allow myself to change direction. Hence to live flexibility with regards to this point would be the ability to act in the moment and dare to change and veer of path when I see that this is the best direction to go.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on too much, to be too ambitious, to try to do too much, and because of that, stretch myself thin, and become stressed and worried, because suddenly, I am not anymore in control, and what seemed to be so simple and easy to get done in my mind, is not as simple and easy in real life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a ‘minor value complex’ – where I believe that the way I prove my value and worth is by making sure that I can recognition from others because of how many things that I am able to do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to establish my value in life by actions and by showing how good I am at what I am doing – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pressure myself to do too much – and to because of that – become locked into a trapped in a state of fear and anxiety – because no matter how much I try to do – there is always more to be done

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not learn how to relax and settle down and be realistic and easy going with my demands, with my schedules and plans for what I am going to do and achieve with the time I have at my disposal

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be flexible and realistic when it comes to what I have to do, the time at my disposal, and what I am able to get done without placing undue strain on myself – and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath – to bring myself back here – and make sure that I am realistic, calm and flexible, so that I can approach responsibilities and projects with stability

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to plan for too much, and then become stressed and anxious when my plans do not match my reality – and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get stuck in my tendency of planning for, and doing too much, not remaining practical and grounded with my plans, and seeing what could work, and also, not placing any value into how much I get done, but instead doing as much as I am able to in any given moment, and not defining myself as less than or more than depending upon how much I am able to achieve

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create too much to do in my mind from a starting point of fear of not getting enough/sufficient with things done – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit and contain myself into and as a state of stress/anxiety/wanting to get things done – and constantly strive to get more things done – because constantly feel that I am not doing enough things

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be realistic/practical/common sensical when I make plans/decisions as to what I am going to do throughout my day

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be realistic/specific and use my experience as to how much time a certain point takes to bring through and complete when I make plans – and then if I notice that I have more or less time – to be flexible and change my plans according to what is required

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not relax, to take a deep breath in, and a deep breath out, when I make plans and look at how to arrange my day – to make sure that I am not driven by an anxiety or fear – but that I am moving myself within and as common sense – that I am walking and pushing myself from within and as a starting point of stability – and that I do not try to within stress/haste – grab any opportunity to make things work out because I fear the consequences if I do not

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself making plans or looking at how I am going to arrange my day from within and as a starting point of fear/stress/anxiety – I take a breath – I bring myself back here and I see, realize and understand that in making plans from this experience, I am going to make unrealistic plans, I am going to make plans that I will then hurry, fight, and be anxious/worried about completing, because there simply is not enough time to complete them within, and hence I commit myself to practice being realistic and specific when making plans – to be stable when I do them – to thus also understand that at times I will to be less ambitious with certain points – at other times I will to prioritize and not do other things – that I must weigh and consider what is most important and then learn to make a decision


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Day 365: Conditioning Self-Expression

Today I took some time to direct a couple of my material belongings that had been put in storage. I approached the project with the starting point that I had to make a decision for each of my belongings as to what was going to happen to it – what purpose it was going to have for the future to come. The things which I had not used in a couple of years I decided to give away – this group of things included a saxophone and a electric drum set. The underlying principle I applied was simple, with me these possessions were not used to their full potential, and by giving them away to someone that would actually use them, that would support fulfilling both the recipients expression and the instruments potential; in other words – giving the instruments away would be what is best for all.

However, and here is where it starts to get interesting, as I had made the decision to give away the instruments, I began to have second thoughts, and the backchat that moved within me was something along the following lines: ‘What if I will miss these instruments? I might want to play them at a later stage, and then I will not have them! Man, before when I was a bit younger, I played a lot of music, now I do not anymore, I really miss that’. Thus, my initial backchat was initiated by a fear of loss, and then my mind moved to how I miss playing instruments and having music as a part of my life – that latter part of the backchat as well motivated by a fear – a fear that I had lost these expressions of myself which I had accessed when I was younger as part of playing my instruments and devoting myself to music.

The experience took me by surprise, because I had seen that I was finished with these instruments, that I had used them and that I was satisfied with what I had expressed and achieved, though now with this fear coming up, I started to doubt myself. I took a breath and gave myself a moment to stabilize – and I looked at the point within myself.

I could see that practically speaking, I did not use the instruments. Not because I was hindered to do so, but because I had moved into a new part of my life where these instruments did not have the same role to fulfill. I could see that I was satisfied and fulfilled in terms of having explored and pushed myself to develop a relationship with the instruments and that I was ready to let them go. Thus, the fear did not have anything to do with my practical reality – it was all about myself – and how I was actually afraid of moving on and embracing the new expression of myself that have started to come through within me and my life – where my relationship with music and instruments has begun to change.

Because music and the expressions that I could access and live with my instruments, they are still part of my life, however the structure of my life today is different. Now, I express myself with music by singing songs that I really enjoy out loud, together with a stereo blasting the track at the same time – and the creative part of music – which I before expressed through writing and composing songs – that has become part of my job – where I spend a lot of time writing – and my carpentry hobby – where I must use my imagination and problem solving skills to create and find solutions.

Thus – with giving away some of my instruments – I am not giving away the expressions that I have developed and lived in making music – because those expressions are a part of ME – as such I see that it is important to not get lost in the structure and picture of this world – and relate what I experience and live to the images – because it is not about what it looks like – it is about WHO I AM – and HOW I EXPRESS myself within what I do.

I have found that it is easy to forget this, because the images seems to be so important, however looking back out my life, what has always been a constant is that the images change. My world will move, transform, become different, but I remain, which also exemplifies why it is so important to place attention and focus on developing OURSELVES – and not lose ourselves in the evanescent creations/allures of money and consumerism that so easily grip our attention and that we convince ourselves is the most significant point within our lives.


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Day 363: Self-Expansion, What is it?

Self-expansion, what does that mean? How are we able to live self-expansion in our lives in a practical, concrete and simple way?

These are questions that I will be walking for the coming week, as I will delve into and practice making the SELF-EXPANSION part of my daily life. Thus far I have seen that living self-expansion in a moment can be about making a decision to walk a different path than what I have done before. This point opened up to me as I was talking to my partner. I could sense that our discussion was moving towards subjects that we usually disagree on, and that a part of me was already preparing and bracing for a coming conflict. In that moment, I decided to change my approach. I decided to not participate in the discussion from a starting point of conflict, but instead look at how I could expand myself as well as my partner through the way I was communicating and sharing myself. I could see that there were many points of potential expansion hidden behind the veil of emotion that a conflict situation usually brings about. Hence I pushed myself to open up and communicate about those points of expansion which I could and it changed how I experienced myself – and instead of having a conflict that would harm both me and my partner – I was able to expand.

Hence, what I am able to see thus far about the word SELF-EXPANSION is that it is ALWAYS here, and the situations/circumstances/parts of our lives that contain most of these self-expansion opportunities are those where we have accepted some form of emotional or feeling possession to take control. In those moments, when we notice that an emotion or feeling is on the rise, a supportive correction is to stop up and instead ask: ‘How am I able to EXPAND in this moment?’ – and then actively look for ways in which to change the direction of the moment, from walking the normal, trite sequence of events, that we know all to well where they will lead us – to instead deciding upon a new path for ourselves.

I find that self-expansion is similar to what Neo faced in first movie in The Matrix trilogy, where Neo initially wanted to bail, and Trinity said the following to him: ‘Because you have been down there, Neo. You know that road. You know exactly where it ends. And I know that’s not where you want to be.’ The same is true with the decision we make in the moment to expand ourselves, because we do have a choice, to either go down the same path that we have done before, and we know where it ends, and that we are never satisfied with the results it brings, OR – to make a decision to create something NEW – to deliberately MOVE ourselves into SELF-EXPANSION.

In the dictionary – Expand is defined as:

Become or make larger or more extensive

If we then add SELF before expansion – this adds up to SELF in a moment becoming larger or more extensive – and obviously it is not about body mass. It is about enlarging and expanding our own stand – allowing ourselves to become MORE than what we have been – to expand and guide and move ourselves to be able to live in a way that is BEST.


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Day 360: Certainty Must Come From Within

Purpose and clarity as to what I am going to do, who I am going to be, what direction that I will take on and live, what future I will create, that is a desire that has arisen within me frequently over the last years. In-fact, it has been a recurring point since my teenage years – the urge and desire to have a clearly defined path for myself.

I am not sure exactly when it began, however I have since long had a tendency to want one point that I can aim to accomplish – one interest – one hobby – one part of my life – that I want to bring to its full potential and master so completely that I know it by heart. I used to be comfortable doing things for no particular reason but that I enjoyed doing it, though slowly that  changed. For example, when I started playing computer games, it was because I enjoyed it a lot. In-fact I found it amazingly fun, and I would play game after game. Then, something changed. I began to deliberately focus on becoming ‘good’ at a particular games, and ‘better than’ others. Competition became part of my gaming experience, and now it was not anymore a question of me enjoying myself, it was now about taking it to the next level, so that I could win. I did this with many games – I continued to play them even though I did not necessarily like them, because I was good at them, and I wanted to win.

The same happened with other interests, usually they began as unconditional and innocent projects that I would take on and enjoy with all of my heart – then – they would change and become a way to achieve victory.

As I have progressed through life, this tendency of becoming obsessed with one project, one movement, one drive, has morphed and changed and spilled over into purpose, and have thus become a way of achieving certainty. This metamorphosis has definitely been fueled by the world system, where there are continuously stories promoted about people that seemingly only have one point of purpose in their life, that they follow religiously, and are through that able to achieve success. Making sure that we have a fixed route, we know where we are going, we know what we will do, for me, that has become a way of creating stability and certainty, believing that I need to know my place in my external reality to be stable, and to know myself.

Obviously, this idea of life and purpose is limited. It is limited because in placing our focus and attention on the external reality, we miss that it is not our external reality that determines who we are, it is us that determines our external reality – it is us that decide who we are – and this WHO WE ARE is in turn reflected by our external reality. That principle is the key to any form of creation – it is the key to understanding why our creations sometimes falter, why they other times work out perfectly, and why our life looks the way it looks.

Thus – I see, realize and understand, that my focus, instead of being placed at developing my external reality, first and foremost must be placed at developing/creating/refining my inner reality – and from that will naturally flow a direction as I stand stable within myself and move in breath. Life cannot be predicted beforehand, it must be lived and directed in the moment. Life can only become a certainty, when we stand with certainty within ourselves – and hence there is no point to look for a purpose or clarity out there – unless we have established that for ourselves. It all begins with self, every time.


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Day 306: The Potential I See

When I first found Desteni and was introduced to the tools of writing, self-forgiveness and self-commitment statements, I clearly saw within me a potential. I saw a potential of me expanding, growing, and finally being able to release my emotional burdens, and instead focus my attention on creating a fulfilling life for myself. Eight years later, I can look back and conclude that in many ways, I have succeeded. I am a new person – more vibrant, excited, fulfilled and thriving – there is a purpose to my life – where I wake up each day and see the potential to create, enhance, and expand. My life is not anymore about feelings and emotions, experiences, and inner struggles, it is about living and self-creation.

This potential that I saw in myself back then, I see it in everyone. We all have a potential to become remarkable and extraordinary – however – without nurturing, pushing, and investing oneself into the process of realizing that potential – nothing will happen. Hence, we will only ever be as great as we accept and allow ourselves to be – one and equal.

What I see is that all human beings have a talent, some form of skill, a ability, we all have something that is uniquely our own that we are able to contribute to this world. Unfortunately, very few tap into this potential, and some never even get to see that they do have such a strength – mostly because we have not been shown how to see ourselves, or how to be intimate with ourselves. And in order to see our gift, and where we can stand in this lifetime to make an impact, we must get to know ourselves. Thus, this is why the process of Desteni is so important. Because with the tools of Desteni we are offered a way out of our confusion so that we can see ourselves with clarity.

For instance, with myself, before I found and began to apply the tools of Desteni, I was very much a lost soul. I did not know where to go or what to do with myself. I traveled places, did some odd jobs, floated around trying to fulfill the dream of becoming a musician, while all the while, not ever knowing myself and my strengths and aptitudes. My life was without direction – and the principle from which I walked my life was that of searching for and attempting to experience excitement, liveliness, and fulfilling my desires. It was all about the experience, and naturally, that lead me to consistently take the route of least resistance. Though I saw a potential in me to become stable, mature, moving myself with purpose, resolve and determination – and through using the tools of Desteni – I was able to realize that potential and make it a reality for myself – and express that change in my choice of career and everyday life.

I see the same potential for this world – I see how what is now soulless jobs, things that people do only to survive, can change and become careers, ways in which we CARE for this world and means through which we share our own individual gifts to make this world a better place.

I see how the family, that is currently a place of conflict, can become a foundation of support for each individual in this world, where you as a child, is born and nurtured to become the best that you can be; where you are given the best education, the best health-care, the best role-models, and the best financial opportunities.

I see how our judicial and political systems, that are currently a means to further the self-interest of but a few, can become institutions that work and push to develop society to become even better – and how laws can be created to support LIFE – expansion – fulfillment – and become the basis of heaven on earth.

I see how media can change, and instead of being a place of gossip and distribution of opinionated ideas, become a place of learning and expansion – and how we will be able to see other cultures, get in touch with new perspectives, become exposed to different forms of vocabulary, and how we in that can develop and grow as human beings.

What I find so fascinating about this is that in all of these potentials, the common denominator is SELF – the INDIVIDUAL – and hence – in order for our systems to change – we must change. In order for politics, and law to change, WE must change. In order for career, and jobs to change, WE must change – and instead of believing that we are trapped by the systems that are here now – we must understand that it is not about where we are, or what we do, it is about WHO we are in what we do. It is about WHO we decide to be in the small moments in life; do we stand up for LIFE or do we accept and allow ourselves to remain in old cycles of polarity – going back and forth in our minds missing the LIFE that is HERE in-front of us – the LIFE that we must take in our hands and CREATE – WALK WITH – and STAND WITH.

This has always been the problem – we as individuals must change – we must become the principle we want to see emerge in this world – we must become the second coming that we have been waiting for.

Hence – the potential we see in this world – that is possible – we can create it. Though in order to get there – we must take into account that this world and all its system exists out of individuals – and hence – when the individual change – the system change. Accordingly – changing the system goes hand in hand with changing yourself to be the best version of yourself that you can be – Realizing the Potential of Yourself.

Day 301: Making Decisions In A Rush

Lately, a couple of events have played out in my life of a similar theme. This theme is making decisions in a rushed state, which leads to consequences. Let me begin with an example from my life. At the moment I am in the process of building a house, and as such, this requires many decisions to be made. One of these decisions have involved whether or whether not an old staircase should be removed. Initially, I decided that it was to be removed. But some days ago, I started to think differently. And this is where it started to get interesting.

During the course of a morning I changed my mind, I now wanted to keep the staircase. Looking back at my line of reasoning, it was based on but a few of all the relevant dimensions to take into consideration – and this happened because I moved too hastily in my decision making. Though, the idea of wanting to now keep the staircase came up fast within me, and I jumped on the bandwagon. Without sitting down to consider the point and look at it more deeply, I decided, and then started to look for ways to implement my decision. What is fascinating is that this decision was made within and as a rushed state. I felt like I had to make a decision immediately, and then push it into creation as fast as I could; I felt that else I would potentially loose out on something. Hence I contacted the workers, and shared the new set of directions.

All good, until the next day, when I started to consider removing the staircase. Also this time, there was this rush in me, to immediately make the decision. Though, now I could see how irrational this decision making process was. In just the span of two days I had felt a rush, and impatience to make two complete opposite decisions. How is that even possible? Fact is that it is not practically possible, and that makes sense because this rush and impatience is not practical – it has nothing to do with the actual decision to be made. Instead, these experiences are behavioral patterns that I have created in relation to decision making, and these sabotage my ability to make clear, well-researched and sound decisions that are best for all. Because the latter decision making process requires that I slow down, that I for a moment stop, silence myself, and look within me, to in this process investigate the pros and cons of the point.

The solution that I see with regards to this point is to apply patience, and to slow myself down, to allow decisions to grow forth and take the time they need – because it takes time to look at and consider all dimensions of a decision – it does not and cannot happen in the blink of an eye. And if it does happen fast, well, most likely important aspects and dimensions has been overlooked. What I see that I can do to help me with slowing down in my decision making process is to sit down with a piece of paper, and write the pros and cons of the decision I am looking at. Perhaps, make some coffee for myself, and make it a moment of meditation, where I can also challenge myself to look at as many dimensions as possible – hence allowing for decision making to become a process of expansion.

In terms of the initial example I gave, I can see that if I would have allowed myself to sit down, and consider all the dimensions of removing, or not removing the staircase, I would not have had to go through the entire experience of rushing, of running to various persons and changing my decision. Instead, I would have looked at the point once, and then established, what is the best direction that I can take, and then stuck with that.

So, really, what I can also learn from this is that taking things slow makes things go faster in the long run, as I am that way able to avoid many mistakes and errors that I might have otherwise created for myself. Hence, do it once and do it properly, instead of doing it incompletely five times.