Tag Archives: change

Day 439: Resisting Change

There is a quote from Lao Tzu that I have found very supportive and insightful when things in my reality seems to become shaky:

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them – that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”

What this quote shows to me is the benefits of letting go of control and expectations. Why struggle to create something that simply does not want to come through effectively? And how many of us do this. We are stuck in life situations that we desperately try to keep moving – and all the while – there is this struggle that underlines every push. What would happen if we let go of our visions and start working with what is real? What would happen if we dare to kill our darlings and look at things with fresh eyes. Sentimentality is a completely unnecessary luggage.

I have seen this clearly when it came to the career I decided upon. The interesting thing was that I initially tried to become a musician. And even though I loved it – there was a struggle, a fight, and conflict existent. It was seldom smooth and effortless and I never got the results I wanted. It was as if there was something off – I could not get through the way I wanted. And then I decided to change direction – and I pursued a profession that I did not particularly enjoy – however – I was really good at it. And when I aligned my vision/future according to my real self and my actual strengths – and even though it was not easy – it was not the same struggle anymore. There was a light in the tunnel. And the results I achieved were very cool and convinced me that I was on the right track. I stopped resisting what was naturally here with me and instead went with it/nurtured and strengthened it.

Animals do this as well. They are most of the times extremely specifically designed to fulfill a particular role in their environment. And no animal tries to actively alter their physical design to fulfill a different purpose in their environment – because for example – they have a dream or vision about it. Animals embrace their physical strengths completely and use them – they do not resist their nature. And that is something many of us humans miss. We think we have to become something different – we compare ourselves – and we use ideas of what is good and what is bad to make decisions. None of that is based on REALITY – on WHO we really are.

Change is part of reality – resisting change is the same as resisting reality. And what happens when we do resist reality is that we create conflict – both within and without. However – this does not mean that we should become followers. Rather – we should become practical and learn to work with what is here to achieve our goals – and to align our goals to reality – and be open to change our direction when something does not work. This is something that I am practicing. And it is balancing act – because being too practical, and too accepting of what is my reality at moment, can also lead to complacency and the creation of comfort-zones. Going with the flow can easily become detrimental if there is no direction – no vision of what we want to create/manifest – and in such a state we can accept less than what we are capable of becoming/doing.

Hence – while I do not want to resist reality – I also do not want to accept reality when it is less than what it can become. And struggles do not necessarily need to indicate that our approach is misaligned – it can be a point we are trying to create that is a big challenge – yet still possible to be created. What it comes down to is self-honesty. We need to listen to ourselves, our hearts, and our self-honesty and also let some doubt in now and again, so that we can question where we are at and what we are doing and if that is what is best.


Day 438: Blaming Politicians

The politicians are to blame! We need new ones! – that is the theme of so many chronicles. It is always someone else’s job to fix the shit we are in. We are so good at spotting, describing and voicing problems, yet when it comes to fixing them – we have a long way to go. What if all those journalists and critics instead would join a party, or create a new one, and sign themselves up to be elected. However very, very few do that. And those that do, well, it is their fault that we are in this mess.

For some reason politics have become separate aspect of society and life, something that we just expect others to handle while we go to work, enjoy our hobbies and live the good life. And when it does not work, we became mad as hell. In my country of origin, Sweden, this anger and frustration has taken form in the way of people voting for a party with a slightly racist party-line with many politicians that have questionable backgrounds. It is our way of saying – fuck this shit – it does not work – then I will vote for this fucking party instead. I am not saying it is wrong to get angry – but why do we not do the math – that in order to change political outcomes – we have to engage in politics practically. We cannot just sit on the sidelines and scream and expect things to become better.

And that reminds of a quote I read today. A women that were complaining on the decline of social services that noted in a passage that it cannot be up to normal people going to work to support the less fortunate – that must be a job for the government. And my question is, why should it not be up to us? Why must we at all times have some intermediary that steps in and does things for us, in any case we will get frustrated with the end-result – because it is not as good as we  wanted it. We have placed our power to affect social and political change outside of ourselves and instead of doing something – we complain. And we are really good at complaining. If we would be able to change things by complaining, many things would be different. In-fact I suspect we would be living in heaven-on-earth. It is unfortunate that complaining never leads to anything worthwhile. Complaining is the opium of the dissatisfied. It gives the sense of something being done while all that happens is that meaningless words are uttered and then lost forever because no one acted on them.

I wonder what would happen if all of us engaged with problems and tried to establish and suggest solutions. How about, instead of writing a angry chronicle, you write a article outlining a way to solve an issue that you have noticed. And then you could send a copy of the article to the politicians you now are involved in that particular issue. That would be supportive and constructive, while complaining and ranting is the opposite. Nobody is encouraged by someone calling out all the errors and faults that they see. Though somehow, we think that politicians are different, and that they should take our concerns seriously and act upon them.

I work with law and it has happened to me many times at work that people are flabbergasted by the content and consequence of certain legal acts. And when they are at the receiving end of the law they are quick to share their discontent. What I sometimes tell them is that they do have an ability to change that particular law by engaging in politics and by democracy change the law. And that is also why we cannot blame anyone else for how our society looks. We built it. We created the laws, whether by direct action or by allowance, it does not matter, we did it. I am all for finding problems – WHEN – we take responsibility for the point by also offering or suggesting a solution. And it does not matter if others like the solution or not. What matters is that we did that little extra to show that there is a way forward and that we do not have to remain in status quo complaining forever more.

I do not say that we all have to engage in politics, though what we must all understand is that we have a responsibility as to what goes on in politics. And whether we decide to act through representatives or by creating lobbying groups or by writing articles to create a debate, it does not matter, what is important is that we take co-responsibility and stop the blame game. We need people that are willing to work out the kinks of the problems to get forward – not only those that point them out.


Day 424: Big Changes In Small Steps

There is this notion that change must imply something big, massive – one decisive revolution – one impactful movement that puts everything on the line. What I have noticed within myself is that  this belief about how change takes place often has discouraged me from pushing to make the apparently insignificant changes in my life. When I have considered changing these aspects, or contributing to society in a small way, by for example engaging in a political group, I have thought that there is no use – it will only bring about so little – there is simply no meaning to it – hence I will not do anything at all.

This kind of thinking shows us two belief systems. One of them is that we alone are too small and insignificant to make any kind of lasting impact in the world. The other is that what we do and how we live in our day-to-day life does not matter – and that we have to become president, famous, a star, to have any form of influence. The result of living out these belief systems is that we do not do anything at all – and that we do not push for the small improvements in our life – because we believe them to be of no worth. We do not even push ourselves to correct our immediate relationships – because what is the use? It will not create any lasting change anyway.

And it is interesting as well to observe how people that have lived so called successful and influential life’s, many times have had massive issues in their private relationships. They have only been able to live their passion to improve and expand outwardly into the system, and not been able to share this process with their close ones. And many times the personal hell they created not only for themselves but also for those around them caused deep ripples. Hence – it is important to remember that all types of change for the better are important – not only those happening out in the world system.

The key is to stop valuing and comparing the movement to improve, to empower and to change. We have to understand that each and every step forward that is taken is needed no matter how small it was. And that the interesting thing about change is that it takes place in the small, in the parts that are barely noticeable, and then one day, the small parts have together formed so much momentum, that what seems to be a big and overwhelming change takes place over night. However what has been missed are the small, apparently insignificant actions, that brought about that shift. And this can unfortunately go both ways. We are also able to accumulate acts that are negative and that diminish us – and then after a while – we notice the destructive end result without being able to see how we got into such a bad situation. This is the magic of accumulation in the small.

The same principle of accumulation can be found in how what we think will eventually influence what we speak, and that what we speak will eventually influence how we act, and that our actions will eventually become our habits and our general character. In when we are at the end of such a process – it seems as if it has always been that way. For example – we have apparently always been lazy and there is now nothing we can do about it because it is such a big and general characteristic to change. However creating that laziness was a process that initially started in the small, in the minuscule, in the barely noticeable, with apparently innocent acceptances and allowances, that then got bigger, bigger and bigger.

Hence – anyone that feels that change – whether in the system or personally – is too much – and because of that does not do anything – remember that change takes place in the small and manageable. Change takes place in our sphere of influence – and unless we are HERE – PRESENT – and WILLING to act we will miss our moments of opportunity – because you will have opportunities – every day to take the path you desire for yourself, your fellow man and our common future.


Day 423: Changing our Patterns, Changing our Future

Some days ago I was hanging out with my daughter, she is close to two and a half years old at the moment. I could see the kind of person she is developing into – and it made me proud. I really enjoy seeing her expand – and I realized one thing: that this growth is not an accident – it is the result of my partner and I spending time and sharing the best of ourselves with her. Two and a half years might sound like a short time, though for a child, there is an amazing development. From being a piece of flesh, my daughter can now speak, do basic reasoning, create and maintain relationships, and share her likes and dislikes. In that moment I could see the result of our efforts – and it yet again brought forth the understanding within me that change/movement/creation comes through in the small moments accumulated over time.

It is easy to forget the power of accumulation and instead start to believe/think that there is more power in taking great strides. Small actions, when executed, feels easier, less impactful, and without as much meaning as putting in long hours of work into something. However, when that small action is done over and over again, consistently, over a period of time, it will start to have great and lasting impact. That is the secret of creating anything in this world – consistent – persistent – principled action. And this phenomenon is always part of reality. Each morning everything begins anew. Each day we have an opportunity to reinforce some form of pattern – and it is the quality of these patterns that will determine the result, the quality of our life. If we have a lousy quality on our patterns – then the result will be lousy. If our patterns are effective – we will have great results.

Walking the process of self-forgiveness is to learn to redesign our patterns into supportive and expansive structures that help us move forward. An easy example of how this works is the following. Let us say you have a pattern of going into fear of survival when you buy things, causing you to compromise yourself in terms of the goods and services you purchase. A redesign of such a pattern would be that you create a pattern of trusting yourself with money to buy what you require to be the best you can be. Such a pattern in relation to money will make you self-empowered with money.

All our life consists of these patterns – and they come through in child rearing. What most parents tend to do is to share/live patterns that are ineffective. An example of such a pattern is becoming angry when the child displays some form of destructive behavior instead of explaining what was wrong with the behavior, why it was wrong, and supporting the child to create a more effective way of relating to the world. And because we have dysfunctional patterns, our children gets a dysfunctional education, and they start breaking down in various ways. And this can all be avoided – when we walk our process – and change our dysfunctional patterns into patterns that supports equality, life and what is best for all.

My partner and I have walked this process of self-forgiveness – we still have a long way to go – however already – I can see the effects of our own personal changes in our daughter – and it is awesome. I wish I could have grown up the way my daughter grows up. She has two parents that want the best for her – and that have understood how unwanted patterns are created and how they can be directed. Everyone should know about this – especially those of us that are or that aspire to become parents.

We are all programmable and we live in a programmable world. This is the key to self-creation and supporting a child to create themselves. Everything can be directed with consistent and persistent action.


Day 398: Eqafe – Probably the Best Self-Help Library That There Is

I have been a user of Eqafe since its inception and seen the self-help library grow, from a couple of interviews, to an impressive selection of several thousands of interviews covering a myriad of topics. And this is somewhat a hallmark of Eqafe – consistent and continuous growth. And even though the interviews are at this point ranging in their thousands, there has never been an interview that I have listened to, where I have felt as if it was becoming repetitive. There is such a variety, such a creativity, freedom and depth in the recordings – it is truly remarkable.

When I have faced difficulties, or questions has arisen, the Eqafe library has been my go-to resource. It has seldom failed to bring a new understanding or insight to what I have been walking through. Whether I have been looking into issues with regards to relationships and sex, or in relation to my career – the search function on the Eqafe site has supplied me with answers. And what truly makes Eqafe fascinating is that you do not get the normal lovey-dovey, fluffy, positive, new age advice. You get the hard facts. That might not necessarily be very nice – or what you want to hear. Though fact is that we are not the pleasant, sane, and cordial people we want ourselves and everyone else to believe. The truth is that we are all in some way fucked up. However – the truth is as well that we can change ourselves – and Eqafe supplies the PRACTICAL tools to make that transformation a reality. Here I want to emphasize PRACTICAL. You will not need to listen to advice that makes no sense – like for example – that you should ‘love yourself with all of your love-energy and then send that out into the world with a thought’. No, no – you will get a practical suggestion on how to deal with a point – a step-by-step method. I would say that this is what separates Eqafe from the other self-help gurus you are able to find on the web. In Eqafe – things are kept real, grounded,  accessible and applicable.

Eqafe has impacted many aspects of my life, though one of the most memorable is with regards to my studies and my career. Early on in my university studies I had difficulties creating relationships and get a hang of the social games that were being played. It frustrated me – and I noticed that I was usually paying more attention to these games – than to the studies at hand. Then I found a interview on Eqafe – where this behavioral pattern was addressed. It was explained that  relationships in school are not as valuable as we want to think. Most of them end after school. Very few remain – and still – we put SO MUCH energy into creating and maintaining them. And in-fact – the reason why so many of us dislike school is because we get so immersed in the social role-playing that we forget all about who we are, where we are and where it is that we are going. We forget that it is in school, with our grades, and our in-depth learning, that we are shaping our future. It is that productive time that is going to stick with us and help us get ahead. Not how many parties we went to or what friends we managed to acquire.

After I had listened to the recording I made some practical adjustments to the way I approached my studies and the social circles. I decided to put my focus and attention unto the courses at hand – that became my main priority. I decided to align with people that were as intently focused on their studies and on their future as I were. Thus I picked my friends because of our interest in the subjects, drive in school and our future. My relationship to friends and acquaintances changed to become a positive side-effect to my determination with my studies and something that enhanced my participation in school and it was not a goal in itself. And that made a huge difference to me – and it allowed me to move through my university studies, acquire effective marks and a deep as well as lasting understanding of the course materials. I sometimes surprise myself by having a detailed knowledge and understanding of a topic even though it has been several years since I finished school and studied the subject.

I can honestly say that without Eqafe – I would not be where I am today. It is the greatest self-help library on earth – and I would dearly recommend everyone to subscribe. You will not regret it – and you will have several years of investigation and studies ahead of you because the material is vast. It has been one of the best investment I have ever made and that will definitely be the case for you as well – because the investments we make in ourselves both in our formal and informal education – that is what is going to stand the test of time and last for life.


Day 379: Whatever it takes

When we run into problems in our life’s, usually, we will try a couple of solutions, and if nothing works, conclude that there is no solution and then give up. I have been there myself many times. And then I blame the problem, or what I perceive to be the cause of the problem. It is not my fault that I have not found a solution, because look, I have tried a couple of them.

Some weeks ago I listened to a Eqafe interview that discussed this tendency in-depth.

These interviews was about drug addiction and the difference in approach between those that are able to quit and those that are not. The deciding factor was perseverance and tenacity – the willingness to do WHATEVER it takes to get through. Those that embodied that grit were able to quit drugs. They would literally try everything, religions, rehabilitation centers, prescriptions, coaches, therapists, and so on. And eventually they would find a way.

I brought this back to my own life, and my own issues, and I could see how I actually accepted many of my problems and blamed my environment, because I was not willing to do whatever it took to find a solution. I realized that if I want to change an issue, and I find it difficult to do so, then I must push myself, and that literally means, pushing myself out of my comfort zone to try any and all things in order to move myself beyond the point of stagnation.

For example, if I experience myself to be stuck in my career, and I have tried a couple of things to change things for the better, I must be willing to expand and do things that might make me feel uncomfortable. I might have to contact a career coach, I might have to completely change my current career path, I might have to look beyond the very point of ‘career’ to see if that is really what I need, or whether there is something else, deeper down, that is bothering me. The thing is that I must be willing to do whatever it takes. Otherwise, it is obviously no surprise that things will stay the same. If I only try half-halfheartedly, do a push here and there, and then go into blame, things will remain the same, that is for sure.

Thus, change is possible. We can change most things about ourselves and this world. Whether we are able to do it or not, that is something that is mostly related to our approach, and the depth of our decision. Do we really mean it when we tell ourselves that, I am going to change this point!


Day 435: Changing The Small Yet Significant Points

When I look at what change, revolution, momentum and creation means to me, I see that I have given these words extensive, BIG definitions. For change to be important, it has to be BIG, unless it is a massive movement in the right direction, it means nothing – apparently. I have realized that this way of thinking has many times caused me to glance over what is HERE, taking the opportunities in my life for granted, and not effectively using the opportunities in my life to CHANGE.

The fascinating thing is that change many times is impossible in the big, that is, unless the small has been changed first. Because the big is constituted by the small. Our money system for example is constituted by many, many small/individual human beings, all with their own lives, and all contributing in some way or another to our current way of handling money. Thus, to try and change the big, which in this case would be the money system, and expect it to work, without as well having changed the small, the individual human beings relationship to money, that is not possible. And in my personal life, the same reasoning can be applied. If I want to really contribute to a life that is best on a big, global scale, then I must first walk it in the small. Can I even hope to make a difference in the big, which without a doubt will pose more of a challenge, if I have not even changed the small for myself? No – not possible.

This week I have pushed myself to become aware of the small points in my life and experience of myself that I want to change. It is things like changing how I wake up in the morning, how I walk to work, how I dress for work, how I am with my daughter when changing her diapers, how I am with myself. It is things like how I engage and participate at work, at home, and with friends and family. Do I really move myself, engage and flow as much as I could do, or is there an unexplored potential to be found?

When change is brought back to the small, it is easier to see what points there are that needs direction. If I look at only the big, out there, change becomes cumbersome, uncertain, because, what to change? Where to focus? Where to go? It is so big, where should I direct my attention? While, when I bring my attention back to the small, it is clear what must be changed – because it is right here in front of me – it is easy to see what I can do for myself that would make my life and that are part of my life a whole lot better. And then, what is missed when the focus gets placed on changing the big, is how, when I become and feel better, this will influence the people that I am in contact with in my life.

The small, the apparently insignificant, the points that are taken for granted, that is where change happens – and that is where I have a direct access to self-change. It is in the small moments where I am able to build and work towards creating the big moments, and hence, it is important to remember, that anything big, is made up out small parts.

The solution for myself is the following: When I notice that I am judging my environment/where or with whom I am with – because I feel as if it does not offer the opportunity for change that I want – I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I commit myself to focus on creating and building/moving change in the small and the apparently insignificant – I commit myself to be attentive to all parts in my life – to be attentive and look at the small that I want to change – to recognize these parts and to push myself to change them – and thus – accumulate a change in the big through committing to and changing in the small.


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