Tag Archives: character

Day 456: The Righteous-Character

Yesterday after work I decided to order some take-out food for supper. I called the restaurant and told them that I did not want to have any onion on one of the dishes. About ten minutes later I drove to the restaurant to pick up my food, at which point I noticed that the chef had misunderstood me. He had not used onion in any of the dishes I had ordered.

It upset me when I became aware of this. I asked the chef whether he could re-do the dish and put onion in it. The chef did not want to do that because it would get messy. This frustrated me even further. At this point I saw before me two options. On the one hand, I could insist on having onion, or I could simply take the dishes as they were and walk out of there. I felt as if there were two of me, there was one rational version; I could see that the flavor and experience of the dish was not dependent on onion and that I would save a lot of time if I accepted the mistake and walked out of there. The other me, was the irrational and angry me; this me wanted redress – ‘I want to receive what I have ordered, I paid for this! Then I should get what I paid for!’

I stood there and felt the irritation and frustration within me – then I made the decision to drop the point. To take the dish as it were and get out of there – get home and eat my dish and enjoy it. This was the rational and common sense thing to do – and I am satisfied with the decision that I made. Though, I can still see that I became influenced by the emotions, to get into me and had an effect on me – and hence I want to look at the emotions and the character.

If I am to give this character a name, I would say it is the righteous-character. It is the experience of me being completely right because someone else has not done their job properly – and hence – I have a right to become angry – pissed of and irritated. I have a right to curse at them and to start a conflict. When I look at it, I can see that this logic is very much a like how parents treat their children, and it might be from this relationship that I have acquired this pattern. Because parents tend to become angry at their kids when they do something ‘wrong’ – and in such instances – most parents do not consider it wrong or consequential to be angry – rather it is ‘needed’ to set the child straight.

This righteous-character activates especially when it comes to money, and people not doing their job the way I expect them to. Because when I have paid for a service, I make the false conclusion that I now ‘own’ the person supplying the service – and hence I can act and behave in any manner and way I like if my expectations are not fulfilled – because I have ‘bought’ that right. However, in looking beyond money, which is an abstraction, it becomes evident that my actions, and the righteous-character, have just the same consequences and negative outflows as accepting and allowing myself to become angry and frustrated at someone in my personal life. The righteous-character is really not a character/way of living that brings through what is best for all.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and think that I have the right to be mean, angry and frustrated when I buy a service and I do not get what I expect that I should get – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume/think that only because I paid for something – this means that all bets are off and I have full freedom to do what I want to do and say what I want to say

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that access to money makes me more important and better than others – and that purchasing a service means that I own the person that gives this service

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value money over myself as a person – and to believe that money gives me value – and thus when money is at stake, when there is a question about money, then I have the right, freedom to do what it takes to control/direct my money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not remind myself that what is of importance and relevance is who I am as a person – the value that I am able to give/live and be to others – and thus not the amount of money I own and have access to

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that it is money that gives me importance and value in this life – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that money is only a medium, a means used to transact goods and services, and that it does not determine me as a person, and that buying a service, does not mean that I have the right to do whatever it is that I want to do

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself becoming angry and frustrated, reacting, because I have not received what I feel that I paid for, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand, that only because money is part of the game, it does not give me a carte blanche to do whatever I want to do – and to express myself in anyway I see fit – and I realize that accepting and allowing myself behave in a way that is harmful towards others – is equally as consequential when there is a issue about money, as when it does not have to do about money – and thus I commit myself to breathe and stabilize myself here – and then work to resolve the issue/problem that is ahead of me utilizing common sense and a stable and sensible presence/direction – where I find solutions to the problem and use common sense to get there


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Day 322: Research, Planning and What Goes On Behind the Scenes

Since some weeks I have been laying concrete tiles where I live and through this I have reached a couple of insights when it comes to creation in the physical. Initially, when I first made the decision to lay concrete tiles, I did not know what it entailed. I did not have any previous knowledge and as such I was required to do the necessary research. I read up on the process and realized that the tiles in themselves is only the esthetic part of the structure – what makes the tiles effective is what is under them, which is various types of tightly packed and crushed rock and sand. In-fact, if the ground work is not done effectively, which is the process of packing the rock and the sand, the tiles will begin to shift, and change their positions only after a couple of years. Hence, the quality of the tiles, and how they will look, it is all dependent on structures that you cannot immediately see when you look at surface.

I am now soon finished with this project, and I am satisfied with the results, which I know is the outflow of having committed and pushed myself to walk all parts of the creation process with specificity. And what I learned from this process is how important thorough research and planning is when it comes to living and creating in this physical world; how are we able to expect that things will turn out fine if we do not put in the time to get to know the variables of physical creation? It is impossible, and still, this has been my customary way of approaching creation – just winging it. And is not this the way we tend to approach creation in other parts of life as well?

Let us look at relationships for example. How many sit down to plan their future relationships? What words they want to be expressed and lived in the relationship, what they want out of it, and how they want to experience themselves? Very few, and still we expect that the relationship will magically turn out great. And the same goes with where we decide to live, what careers we take on, the future we walk into, how many of us actually sit down to research and plan a direction for our lives?

To learn to research and plan in all parts of our lives is empowering – because in becoming efficient, thorough and specific with these skills, we are able to establish a direction for ourselves – where we KNOW what path we are heading down – we know what we are creating, what we want, what we need, what we will accept and allow and what we will not accept and allow. And one person that I have learned a lot from in this regard is my partner. When we built our house together she was adamant about doing extensive research and having a well thought plan with regards to each small aspect of our future home. It was fascinating to see, but at that stage, I was not ready for it, and did not appreciate the skills properly. I saw my partners passion for perfection as being overly ambitious. Though, as the house stood complete, I could see the fruit of my partners specificity, and also the consequences of my own lack of specificity, because certain parts of the house that I had been in charge of did not turn out the way I wanted.

When looking at the word PLAN – it is similar to the sound of PLAY  – and PLANT – the sound of the word thus implying that planning is about PLAYING out scenarios – using our minds constructively to simulate a situation before we walk it for real – and PLANT – showing that planning is about PLANTING the seeds that will become our future. And if we for a moment take a look, a seed is basically a blueprint, that given certain conditions, will begin to grow and realize itself into manifestation. Thus, if we want to be a part of deciding our future, we have to plan, because in that we PLANT our seeds, as the words we place, which eventually, as we live and walk these words, will become our reality – that is how creation works.

It is the same things with MANIFESTOS – because what is a manifesto but a plan? A sequence of words placed unto paper describing a desired condition – and through living manifestos, we are able to MANIFEST our words into reality. Though, to know what to manifest, we have to do the research.

Now, what I have found fascinating in uncovering how important research and planning are when it comes to any form of self-creation, is that this part of creation is not necessarily visible. For example, I today live in a home that I love, that is effective, and practical, however, for my home to become this way, there has been A LOT of time and effort invested into coming up with, and preparing this creation – what can be seen as the finished house is only a minuscule part of the entire creation process. And thus, what I would like to highlight with this is the importance of learning to see beyond the immediate picture that we are faced with. Everything is not what it looks like, and even in the simplest of creations, there are most often a significant amount of preparatory labor and effort invested. And this is something I will take with me when I in the future will look for and decide to take on new projects, to take into consideration that I will not only have to do visible physical creation, but also the time required to efficiently plan and prepare for the executive phase.


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Day 297: Wanting The Big Means Missing The Small

I have seen that in wanting the big, I tend to miss the small – and what is interesting here is that the big things might seem significant, yet when looking closely, the big is actually constituted by the small.

So, where does this apply? For myself I have seen this in particular when it comes to creating and walking towards a change in this world, and also when it comes to creating and building my own life. Before my inner eye I see the great changes, the complete revelation – and through only seeing that as being important and significant – it leads to me not seeing, or valuing the daily, small moments of change that I either apply, or that there are opportunities for me to apply. Hence the consequence of aiming big, of seeing only the big, is that this can create a sense, and experience of stuckness, and depression, because seemingly nothing moves.

Thus, I see that it is important to not forget, that change happens in the small, that a big change consists of several small changes, that a significant progress consists of several significant mini-progresses – and hence – change is created through those small daily movements.

In this, it is also easy to see how fame, success, and greatness can easily cloud my vision, when I start to focus on what others have done, and I compare myself, and think that I can only be someone significant if I am capable of mustering the same. Though, in this I do not accept and allow myself to see, yet again, that what is significant cannot be defined in terms of size, and using the amount of attention that is centered upon that event. Instead, what is significant can only be seen in each moment.

And this brings me into the next point, how looking at life with the expectation that it should contain these clearly defined and marked occurrences, these big happenings that makes my life move forward, that it hinders me from seeing what is right in front of me. Fact is, that the more I am looking for something specific, already with a picture in mind, an idea of where I am to go, the easier it is for me to miss what is right in front of me. Thus, when I am HERE – OPEN and HUMBLE to the current happenings in my life and reality – that is when I am the most able to responding to my life – finding opportunities, spots, openings, and those small moments of significant change.

What is the solution?

One solution that I see is self-trust – allowing myself to trust myself and that I do not need to utilize control – as zooming into but only one possible future – only one possible direction – instead I can move myself with and as breath – in each moment – and trust myself that when I move and create in the small – this will ripple and eventually create the big – and hence I will create my life organically – through moving myself in every moment.

 

Day 9: They Are Out To Get Me!

An interesting point that opened up a couple of days – was a experience of feeling unjustly attacked.

30116_honestyThe context was as follows: I was at work – driving my taxi around – in stepped a customer – an old lady – and with her was a helper. Before I started to drive I asked the old lady if she wanted to pay now, or as we got to the destination. When I said this the helper immediately interjected and said: “she’s not paying – she pays through bills instead” – and as this was said I immediately reacted. I thought that this helper had thought that I tried to trick the old lady into giving me money – through hoping that the old lady would forget that she was being billed and as such give me more money for the ride than what was agreed.

As this happened I reacted in a feeling hurt, and afraid – hurt due to feeling that I’d been judged as a thief, or a trickster – and afraid as fearing that I’d upset the old lady, and her helper. Within this I noticed that I also started to blame the helper for my experience – and I was speaking in my mind saying that: “how can the accuse poor me of this!? Can’t they see I am a sensitive individual – I can’t take this sort of critique!” – and in essence I was justifying my reaction, and experience – and trying to blame the point unto someone else.

Thus – this is the point I am going to work with tonight – and I’ll term the character – feeling unjustly-treated character – or the unfairness-character – and also the honest-character – because I felt hurt that another would see me as a trickster – which would mean that I value the opposite of being seen as honest – so this then means that I am holding unto a character of defining myself as honest – which is obviously really limited.

Self-forgiveness

1. I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to react in feeling hurt, and becoming afraid – when I perceive that another is defining, and seeing me as a trickster, and a thief – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create, and hold unto a honesty-character – wherein believe myself to be a “honest, and good” person – that would never do anything that is criminal, wrong, or bad – thinking that I am innocent and good natured individual – and taking pride in thinking, and feeling that I am good natured, and honest individual – instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that this is a idea that I’ve created about myself – as a energy-experience – and that it’s in-fact a illusion and not a reality

2. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, and believe that being honest have any virtue – thinking that because I am honest I am more than others, and that being honest makes me entitled to judge others, and define others as being less than me; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand how I’ve used honesty in order form an idea of myself – to be able to feel superior and better than others – and how I’m within perceiving that I am called out as a trickster – facing the negative polarity of this particular creation – as feeling inferior, and feeling less than – because I am not as honest as what others are

3. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame another for my experience of myself as fear, and discomfort, and hurt – as I perceive that another is implying that I am a trickster, and that I can’t be trusted – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how what is within me, and comes up within me isn’t about others – but it’s about me – and in terms of this particular point – this is a experience that I’ve cultivated and accumulated for years before I met this person that I perceive to be calling me out as a trickster

4. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make decisions that are in line with my idea of myself that I am “honest” – so that I am able to feel good about myself due to my apparent purity, and goodness – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise practical common sense living – in favor of making decisions that are “honest” – and as such I accept and allow myself to see that being “honest” is then ego – and only a point of wanting to see, and define self as being more than another

5. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand how it doesn’t change me – within me – that another believes I am trickster, a liar, or a thief, unless I accept and allow it to affect and change me; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be subject to being defined by and through the social setting that I am in – instead of accepting and allowing myself to define myself in every moment of breath – and to be the directive principle of and as myself as in deciding who I am – what I am going to live – and how I am going to live it – and not allow the tonality of another’s word to make that decision for me

Self-commitments

1. When and as I see that I am reacting in feeling hurt, and becoming afraid – when I perceive that another is defining, and seeing me as a trickster, and a thief – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and bring myself back here; and I see, realize and understand that what another thinks about me can’t affect me unless I accept and allow it – and that unless I hold unto some idea of myself – that must be recognized by others – as for example – “I am honest” – there won’t be any reaction within me because I will in that moment stand stable within and as me – and not be defined by my external reality; as such I commit myself to breath – and to not accept and allow being seen by another as a trickster, and a liar to affect me – and have any impact on me – but remain here – moving myself in common sense

2. When and as I see that I am defining myself as honest, and generating/creating a positive experience of me – through thinking that I am a “honest” person – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that – the idea of being a honest person is not real – and it’s merely an experience – that have to sides – the negative – and the positive – and because the positive can only exist with the negative – the consequence is that I must face hurt, and fear – when being seen by another as a trickster, or a liar – for me to hold unto being able to feel honest, and good about myself – when another define, and see me as a honest person; as such I commit myself to stop building myself, and creating myself from how interpret that others see me – and I instead commit myself to walk breath by breath – and remain stable, and consistent in every moment in this application of not defining myself – but being simplicity itself as only breath

3. When and as I notice that I am blaming another for my experience of myself as fear, discomfort, ad hurt – as I perceive that they are implying that I am trickster – and that I can’t be trusted; I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that what I am facing within me is me – and nobody, and nothing else – it’s a creation of and as me – through my participation in the mind – and the point must be stopped, and directed by me; as such I commit myself to stop blaming – and instead focusing upon establishing solutions for and as myself

4. When and as I see, and notice that I make decisions that are in line with my idea of myself as being “honest” – in order to feel good about myself, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath – and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand how I am within this limiting myself – and not taking a decision from common sense – as what is practical – but instead about what I feel – which is delusional to say the least; as such I commit myself to push, and practice myself to make decisions that are practical

5. When and as I see, and notice that what another do/say/feel change how I experience myself within me – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this is the result of me defining, and creating myself according to how I interpret the social context in which I am; as such I commit myself to stop defining myself according to who, and what I perceive that others are – and I instead commit myself to express myself in oneness and equality with my human physical body – here

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Day 6: Leave Me Be – I Am Depressed!

A character that I took note of yesterday was the depression-character – and this is a character that I’ve noticed I am holding unto even though I can clearly seen when it is that I go into this character, or way of being.

depression2I have seen that when I go into the depression character – I become less communicative, I become passive, held back, and I generally feel like everything is a drag – something that I am forced to participate within even though I don’t really want to. What I’ve seen is that I will have within me an awareness that “oh – how quiet I suddenly became, and how strict, and tense I became in my participation – there must be something going on here!” – yet my self-honesty stops there – because there problem is that I am not in that moment saying to myself – “ok – shit – now I’ve gone into the depression character – let’s move myself out of this crap!” – and the physically moving myself out of the state of being through deliberately pushing myself to be physical in the moment – which might include communicating with people, or if I am by myself in my apartment – leaving my apartment to take a walk – or apply self-forgiveness on the point.

The consequences of me existing in this character is something is that not only me – but my entire environment become affected – if I am around people I am able to see this the most clearly. People around me become more silent, introverted, and seemingly fearful of communicating and interacting with me – which is probably because I look pretty down so to speak – and as if I am at the verge of a breakdown, ready to attack any poor soul that dare to disturb me in my moment of grief.

I can also see how this character affects me personally – the consequence of me participating in this character is that I miss out on a lot of opportunities to have fun – to interact and express myself – and I instead up feeling that “everyone else but me is having fun!” – “what about me!” – when it’s really myself that have placed me into the experience of the depression – and it’s me that have decided that apparently I am not capable of moving myself out of the character as I see that I become possessed within it.

The point to apply self-forgiveness upon is thus justifying holding unto the depression character, and also justifying not taking action when it is that I see I enter a specific character – and also clearly see the solution in the moment.

Self-forgiveness

1. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the depression character – and within me seeing that I am going into the depression character – justify why I should remain in the depression character – through thinking that I am not able to change the depression I experience into and as self-expression here – and that this depression character is apparently something that is superior to me that I am not able to do anything about – or change – or direct in anyway what-so-ever – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am able to change my experience of myself as the depression character – and I in-fact see the solution – which is physical self-movement in the moment

2. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a state of justifications when I enter the depression character – instead of going into immediate self-application – in changing the character immediately as I see I become this character in my physical living – and within this I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how simple it is to change a character in the moment – and that all it takes is a clear decision – and then living that decision into and as the physical – and as such pushing change – bringing forth change through a directive statement of who I am in the moment – and I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that – sure – this takes somewhat more effort than remaining in the character – yet within me pushing myself out from the state of depression – I am in-fact opening up the possibility for myself to enjoy myself and have – which is much better than being stuck in a character – and in always worth the effort

3. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to endorse the characters coming up within me – and hold unto the characters – thinking that the characters are a part of me – and if I was to let them go – and change them – then this would mean that I also disappear – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand – that this is merely a justification that I use in order to not have to go through the effort of actually changing myself in a moment – when it is that I see a transcendence point is emerging and coming into my awareness here – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself through the resistance – and see that there is absolutely nothing to fear in letting go of characters – and that what I experience is merely some birth pains that will subside when I am done with the birthing process

4. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice, and perfect the skill of immediate self-change – wherein I accept and allow myself to in the moment that I notice I go into a particular character – to immediately formulate a directive statement within me as to who I am – and how I am going to live in that moment – and what will be my expression in that moment – and as such immediately change myself from existing as a limited energy junky – as a character – into living within oneness and equality with my human physical body here

5. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel, think and believe that characters are superior to me – and utilize this feeling, these thoughts, and these beliefs – in order to create an experience within me that I am really inferior to the characters coming up within me as conglomerations of thoughts, feelings, emotions, pictures, memories, and other mind components – not seeing, realizing and understanding that I am really in-fact – deliberately – inducing this state of feeling and experiencing myself as less than within myself – so that I can have something to blame – so that I do not have to change myself in-fact

6. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize energy, and experiences to make myself inferior to the thoughts coming up within me mind – and to the physical characters that activate as I move through my day – and believe that this experience of inferiority is real – is relevant – and that is a point that I should honor within and as my participation and movement of myself within and as this world – not seeing, realizing and understanding that this experience of inferiority is in-fact a lie – a lie that I use in order to keep myself stuck in my mind – in fear of coming out into the physical and really living – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not get out in the physical to really live – to see that there is nothing to fear about letting go of the mind – I mean – sure it’s a new experience to live here with the physical – but it is in itself absolutely nothing to fear – it’s merely a new experience – and a new way of living – as such something that could be fun – and enjoyable to investigate if I simply accepted and allow myself to live that enjoyment

7. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be strict, and disciplined with myself – in terms of pushing myself to participate here within and as breath – and to utilize each moment as a opportunity for change – and not use a moment as a opportunity to remain stuck in cycles of past moments – as points that I’ve made to be memories within me – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that – it’s simply a point to practice – to change myself here immediately – and to see each moment as a opportunity for change – and that it’s not something to fear – not something to live up to – and to something to resist – it’s merely a point of change that is lived here – one decision – and then it’s done

8. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the resistance I experience towards changing myself – is in-fact fear – fear of becoming real – fear of being real in this world – and reality – and fear of getting out of my mind to face in real time the shit that I’ve accepted and allowed to exist here – and to really see – understand – the mess that I’ve placed myself into – and the severity of the situation – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that really – it’s nothing to fear – because whether I avoid seeing what is here or not – the shit is still here – thus – it’s for more effective to simply decide to get out of my mind – to then apply that point – get out of my mind – and get back here – and start walking through the shit that I’ve manifested and created in this world – and then be done with it – instead of hiding in resistance – and fear – which really does nothing at all but postpone the inevitable of facing the consequences that I’ve accumulated here

Self-commitments

1. When and as I see that I am justifying why I should remain in the depression character – through thinking that I am not able to change the depression I experience into and as self-expression – here – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that – this is me lying to myself so I won’t have to change – which is really stupid – because changing myself is far more better than remaining as a mind – secluded and limited to only exist within and as energy constructs of the mind; as such I commit myself to stop justifying not changing myself – and immediately commence to take action – through physical self-movement here – doing what is I see is required to get me back here

2. When and as I see that I do not go into immediate self-application as I notice that I go into the depression character – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that – hey – this depression character really isn’t fun to exist, and live as – really – it sucks, it’s boring, it’s uncomfortable – and I already know exactly where the road ends – as such I commit myself to act – and push myself to live immediate self-correction as I see that I go into a point that is compromising for myself or another

3. When and as I see that I am using fear – as the fear of loosing myself – to hold unto characters of the mind and justify why I do not change myself; I immediately stop myself – I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that – sure it will take effort to change myself – but it’s gotdamn worth it! I mean – I’ve already proven this to myself countless of times in regards to the points of my living that I’ve already changed; as such I commit myself to stop postponing change through going into fear – and then only when I’ve seen that the fear is not real – to then change – but to immediately go to change without first going through the entire and unnecessary experience of justifying myself existing as the character

4. I commit myself to practice, and perfect the skill of immediate self-change – as the point of when I see that I go into a character – to immediately in that moment make a directive statement of who I will accept and allow myself to be – and then live that physically – practically – here – as such short-circuiting my process – not having to go through an entire process of going into the character – seeing that I have subdued to the character – and then justifying me remaining in the character – and first then – considering changing and moving myself out of the character

5. When and as I see that I am thinking, and feeling that the mind-characters that comes up within me – are superior and better than me – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that the characters coming up within me are not superior or better than me – in-fact this experience that I am having is merely an attempt from me to not have to change myself – because apparently it is to much work – and it takes to much effort – not realizing that this takes the same amount of effort for me to justify me remaining limited – and fighting me changing myself; as such I commit myself to simply change when I see that the moment of change has opened up and is here – and let myself walk the change without sabotaging for myself through creating all of these insane and unnecessary experiences

6. When and as I see, and notice that I am believing that the experience of inferiority coming up within me towards the thoughts coming up within me, and the characters that activate through-out my day – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that – I am not inferior to the mind and the points coming up within me – this is only a convenient truth that I’ve created for myself – convenient because it implies that I am not able to change myself – and that I have not responsibility in terms of what is going on within my mind; as such I commit myself to see the real truth – which is that I accept and allow what goes on within me – and that at the end of the day – I stand responsible for each point that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as through-out my day – I can’t blame the mind – and I can’t blame anyone else – because it’s only me that is existing within me

7. I commit myself to be strict and disciplined with myself in terms of utilizing each moment of breath as a opportunity to change – as opportunity to stabilize myself and to take a breath and be here with and my human physical body – and equalize, and amalgamate myself with the physical – and not go into the mind

8. When and as I see, and notice that I experience fear/resistance towards changing myself – and directing myself – stopping my habitual participation in the mind and getting back into the physical reality – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath – and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that – really – there is nothing to fear about becoming real – and seeing for real what is going on here – and taking responsibility for what is existent in myself and in this reality as a whole – in-fact it’s much worse to wait – and pretend to be a slave to my mind – and exist in a state of postponement – because that implies suffering – while changing implies – suffering yet going towards a brighter tomorrow; as such I commit myself to dare myself to change myself – and to dare to be self-honest – and face the music that is here – and go into the darkest and deepest pits of the mind – and unravel the shit – and re-create myself into a living being of integrity that stands for a world that is best for all

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