Tag Archives: chase

Day 360: Certainty Must Come From Within

Purpose and clarity as to what I am going to do, who I am going to be, what direction that I will take on and live, what future I will create, that is a desire that has arisen within me frequently over the last years. In-fact, it has been a recurring point since my teenage years – the urge and desire to have a clearly defined path for myself.

I am not sure exactly when it began, however I have since long had a tendency to want one point that I can aim to accomplish – one interest – one hobby – one part of my life – that I want to bring to its full potential and master so completely that I know it by heart. I used to be comfortable doing things for no particular reason but that I enjoyed doing it, though slowly that  changed. For example, when I started playing computer games, it was because I enjoyed it a lot. In-fact I found it amazingly fun, and I would play game after game. Then, something changed. I began to deliberately focus on becoming ‘good’ at a particular games, and ‘better than’ others. Competition became part of my gaming experience, and now it was not anymore a question of me enjoying myself, it was now about taking it to the next level, so that I could win. I did this with many games – I continued to play them even though I did not necessarily like them, because I was good at them, and I wanted to win.

The same happened with other interests, usually they began as unconditional and innocent projects that I would take on and enjoy with all of my heart – then – they would change and become a way to achieve victory.

As I have progressed through life, this tendency of becoming obsessed with one project, one movement, one drive, has morphed and changed and spilled over into purpose, and have thus become a way of achieving certainty. This metamorphosis has definitely been fueled by the world system, where there are continuously stories promoted about people that seemingly only have one point of purpose in their life, that they follow religiously, and are through that able to achieve success. Making sure that we have a fixed route, we know where we are going, we know what we will do, for me, that has become a way of creating stability and certainty, believing that I need to know my place in my external reality to be stable, and to know myself.

Obviously, this idea of life and purpose is limited. It is limited because in placing our focus and attention on the external reality, we miss that it is not our external reality that determines who we are, it is us that determines our external reality – it is us that decide who we are – and this WHO WE ARE is in turn reflected by our external reality. That principle is the key to any form of creation – it is the key to understanding why our creations sometimes falter, why they other times work out perfectly, and why our life looks the way it looks.

Thus – I see, realize and understand, that my focus, instead of being placed at developing my external reality, first and foremost must be placed at developing/creating/refining my inner reality – and from that will naturally flow a direction as I stand stable within myself and move in breath. Life cannot be predicted beforehand, it must be lived and directed in the moment. Life can only become a certainty, when we stand with certainty within ourselves – and hence there is no point to look for a purpose or clarity out there – unless we have established that for ourselves. It all begins with self, every time.


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Day 289: Breaking The Habit Of Overworking

For most my life I have studied, and now recently, I joined the so-called workforce – now a large chunk of my days consists of what we call working. What I have come to see is that working is very much different to studying. Working is physically tiresome, it is stressful, you are very much left to your own devices, and it definitely takes more of a strain on the body. However, what I have found is that there are two ways of working; there is overworking, and working.

Overworking is when I push myself without taking brakes, without slowing myself down within myself, and creating a energetic momentum within me, fuelled by work, and the drive to get as much done as possible in the shortest amount of time possible. Overworking has consequences for the physical body. Yesterday I overworked myself, and as I woke up the morning after, I could feel how my body was a lot more tired, and depressed. Not only that, but throughout the night I had perspired, and my sheets were damp. And this experience was a direct consequence of overworking.

Looking at the beliefs and opinions circulating in society, one of them is that working hard, efficiently, and with drive is a positive thing. Being ambitious and successful is many times seen as synonymous with having a tight schedule, and constantly busy with work. However, what I have realized is that there is a quality in working slow. There are major benefits in taking breaks, allowing for fun and expected events, and doing things I enjoy, to for a moment, letting go of work.

I have had this idea that the more I work, the more I will get done. Now, I am not so sure anymore. Because, sure, when I work a lot, I will seemingly be productive, though, what is the price of that productivity, will I get more done in the long run or will I burn out? And then, how about focus and concentration, can I still produce quality products if I am tired, foggy, and absent-minded? My answer here is NO – it is not possible. As with all things, I do things best when there is a balance, when there is a holistic consideration for all the points in my world.

Hence, working must be balanced. Overworking implies a lack of balance, and the solution here is to insert small breaks into my schedule, go and take a coffee when I feel that I go into that compressed, tight, and pressured overworking-mode, and listen to my body. Success and ambition does not have to imply overworking – instead success and ambition are words that can be lived and applied in consideration of my human physical body – hence creating a balance – making sure that I give myself all the ingredients I require to live to my utmost potential.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to overwork instead of accepting and allowing myself to work in a tempo and speed that is supportive for me and my human physical body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not break the habit of overworking – seeing that in order to break this habit – I require to push myself to get out of my comfort zone – and work slowly – work in consideration of and as my human physical body – to actively listen to myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice gentle working – gentle working that is supportive for me and my human physical body and let go of the ideal of productivity and effectiveness – to see, realize and understand that I am in a physical reality – and because of that I cannot lead my life by these mental concepts of perfection – I have to take into account that the physical must move in a certain speed to be supported effectively – that when I overwork I create consequences for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that overworking comes from stress and anxiety – that overworking rises from a thinking pattern emerging from lack – where I believe that something is lacking and that I must run to get back on track – and that I am all the time out of sync and must rush to get back in sync – and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace myself here as in sync

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be more natural and organic in how I approach my life – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that to create a supportive environment for myself and my body, I must listen to, and be attuned to what is here, to the information that is here in this moment, and align my participation and movement according to that

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to take recurring breaks, to walk my body, to change environments, to do something different and break routines while at work, to in that assist and support myself to get out of the overworking-mode and get into working-mode – where I move myself in breath, being aware of my reality, and of my human physical body, moving in a tempo and speed that is supportive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear giving up overworking in fear that I am then not going to get anything done – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value and honor overworking as this supreme characteristic that I must hold unto – as it will propel me through life and make something extraordinary of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that overworking is going to lead me into a early grave – because overworking – that has very direct consequences for and as my human physical body that are not supportive – and thus I commit myself to practice natural working

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I am overworking, I take a breath, I bring myself back here, and I stop myself – and I see, realize and understand that I will not get more done when I overwork, rather I will exhaust myself physically and mentally, and create physical consequences, a tired body, a tired mind, and a lack of life, and thus I commit myself to practice working in a comfortable speed, and tempo – to take regular breaks, and in that – nourish and care for my physical body – making sure that I take myself into account and that I listen to myself

I commit myself to stop overworking – and instead apply myself in a tempo and speed that is comfortable and supportive for my human physical body – and thus take the breaks I require in order to rejuvenate and replenish my energy

I commit myself to show by example, that in doing things in a comfortable pace, I can get just as much done as everyone else, and that it is not the speed that counts, it is WHO I AM – my presence – my interaction with the labor in the moment – that is what allows me to do really great quality work

When and as I see myself chasing minutes, chasing productivity, chasing success, I take a breath and I stop myself, and I see, realize and understand that I will never be able to achieve success and productivity if that is always points I am chasing after, and trying to get to – the solution hence is to LIVE them here – to stand as success – to stand as productivity – redefining and living these words HERE in the moment; and thus I commit myself to live productivity and success – to apply and live these words in my daily living and hence not anymore chase them

I commit myself to take the lead in creating a new way of relating to work – where work is done in a comfortable pace and tempo that is supportive for the human physical body and myself – and in this I commit myself to create balance in my life – balance between work, relaxing, commitments, and responsibilities, and make sure that I do not place too much emphasis on one single point – but that I nourish/take into consideration ALL OF ME

Day 177: Chasing Time Instead of Being In-Time

I will in this blog continue to look at stress, and specifically how I tend to accept and allow thoughts, and backchat that have the nature of stress, in moments throughout my day, that accumulate to become a full-blown possession, and physical experience of stress.

What I’ve seen is that one particular thought pattern that I accept and allow has to do with my studies, and it’s in relation to placing a particular amount of time into my studies each day. During the initial semesters in the education that I am currently walking, there was a fast paced tempo, and it was many times necessary for me to sit down each day and study for several hours in order to keep up with the curriculum and learn that which was required to be learnt. Now, when I am walking the final semesters, and I’m soon done with the education, the pace have significantly dropped, and the tempo is not anymore has demanding – yet still – I hold unto a sense of stress and pressure within me, that unless I put down a certain amount of time each day into my studies, I am not going to be able to make it, and walk through my education sufficiently effective; thus there is a misalignment within me in regards to the actual time and energy I require to put down into my studies, and how much time and energy I believe I require to put down into my studies.

Though, I’ve actually found throughout my educational years, that it’s been a very cool point to put in more time and energy than what has been required to just to get through, because that has allowed me to expand, and to learn more, and to become more comfortable with the field of study that I’ve chosen to pursue. So, the problem is not really that I am putting in to much time, the problem is rather, that I’ve connected an experience of stress, and anxiety in relation to time, and created a belief that I absolutely need to put down a certain amount of hours each day – which leads me into a form of chase for more time – where I experience myself as if I am fighting against time, to make the most use of my time, and to get the most out of my time.

It’s fascinating; because the consequence of chasing after time, in order to get more out of time, is that I am not using my time effectively – why? Well, when I am chasing time, the chase, and the attempt to be effective with my time, that is my priority – and what takes the backseat in such a application is my actual usage and living with and within the time that I have available. So, instead of me being fully focused, clear, and stable HERE with what I am doing – fully into and immersed in the point of studying, reading, or learning – I am instead in the experience of stress as chasing time, and attempting to gain more time; which obviously then compromises my ability to learn, and use time effectively.

The interesting point that can be learned from this is that when I perceive that there isn’t enough time, and I am chasing time, what am I then doing? I am actually creating that very point, and manifesting such a shortage of time in my life, which leads me to compromise what is important, relevant, and required to be done in my life – thus – what I see that I must do, is that I must stop chasing time, and instead use the time that is here, and be present with every moment, and walk with time, and stop myself from chasing time – because chasing time is in-fact me making a statement that there is not enough time, and in that creating such a shortage of time – instead of standing within the point that time is HERE – and thus there is sufficient with time for me to deal with my responsibilities, walk my education, and expand myself in my fields of interest – because that time is HERE – it’s just that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to use it through being present, aware and stable.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to chase time, and exist within and as a starting point in my life, and living that there is a shortage of time, that there is a lack of time, and that I as such must always run after, and attempt and try to save time, and make more time for myself – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when I exist within and as a starting point of chasing time, I am actually creating for myself a shortage and lack of time, because I am not accepting and allowing myself to practically USE the time that is here effectively and specifically

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move myself from within and as a starting point of thinking that there is not enough time for me to move myself through my life, and thus I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become stressed and worried, that there is not enough time for me to expand myself in relation to my education, and to deal with, and care for, and walk my commitments, and responsibilities, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it is that I am limiting myself, and holding myself back, and creating a shortage of time for myself that is completely unnecessary, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that if I accept and allow myself to slow down, and move myself within and as breath, and walk each moment fully, that there is sufficient with time for me to move through my day, to care for and attend to my commitments and responsibilities

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when and as I make the statement within me, that there is not enough time, I am actually creating that in my life, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a lack of time, to create stress within me in believing that I don’t have time to care for my responsibilities, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that when and as I align myself within and as my human physical body, and align my starting point, so that I am here in every moment, capable, and present to take care of and direct the points that are here in the moment, then there will always be sufficient with time – because I am directing myself HERE looking at the moment and making the necessary decisions to make sure that my life moves according to what is best for all – thus I stand able and directive here instead of going into stress and worry and fearing loosing time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear loosing time, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept and allow thoughts in my mind, wherein I state that I don’t have much time today, how am I going to get done everything I’ve on my schedule today? And thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when I accept and allow such a thought to be the starting point of my movement, then I will create that lack of time within me, and I will move throughout my day in stress, resulting in that I walk points haphazardly and without going in-depth and moving through as specifically as is required – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bring myself back here to and as my human physical body, to slow down, and to walk moment by moment, breath by breath, and deal with the responsibilities and commitments that arise HERE – and not project myself into my future and trying to live my life in my mind instead of living here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to delude myself into believing that I can get things done through thinking about them, and planning them in my mind, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, the simple, and basic common sense that in order for me to be effective in my life, and walk each moment fully, I required to be fully present here, fully immersed in what I am doing, fully concentrated, fully aligned with and as my human physical body and the point that I am currently caring for or walking – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not immediately stop these projections, and instead move myself to walk through and direct the responsibilities that I have in my life – and get the things done – that I’ve decided upon to get done throughout my day

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust my projections, and believe that when I project myself into my day, and imagine myself doing and walking through my responsibilities and commitments, that I am then actually doing it, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand the basic common sense, then when I am somewhere in the future, when I am somewhere out there in a projection doing something else but being here with and as my human physical body, directing myself to care for and attend to my responsibilities, then I am not effectively caring for and directing, and taking care of my life here – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath, and bring myself back here – and move myself on a breath per breath basis – to move myself from moment to moment – and trust myself that I will walk and direct this moment here fully and as is required – and that I don’t need these projections to come up in my mind and live my life for me – I can live and direct my life here instead

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust stress, projections, imaginations, and ideas of time, and how much or little time I have, more than myself here – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as being inefficient, and insufficient, in terms of being able to take care of, and direct my life here as breath, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hesitate, and fear stepping out of stress, and stepping of the character of creating projections and future imaginations, in believing that I need and require those forms of mind-participation in order to survive and care for my life effectively, not seeing, realizing and understand that I am in-fact able to stand as, and walk, and live those points myself – and that I accordingly don’t require this energy coming up within me, saying to me, and showing me where I should go, and how I should live, and participate in order to make something out of myself

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I go into a state of being, or think to myself that I don’t have enough time, and that I am lacking time to take on, or walk a particular point, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that in saying within myself that I lack time, and within that start moving myself from a starting point of stress, and chasing time, I am actually creating that very lack, and that very ineffectiveness in terms of using my time here, and thus I see, realize and understand that in order to use time effectively, and have time to walk through my responsibilities, I require to be stable within myself, and look at time practically, not within stress, or anxiety, or worry – but simply seeing time here as what it is – as a certain amount of breaths that I throughout my day that I will be able to live and create within – and thus I commit myself to walk from moment to moment – to deal with my responsibilities and commitments in full presence and awareness of myself here – and to be fully immersed and give complete attention to what I am doing here – and thus USE my time effectively and specifically – and not squander my time through stressing, worrying and thinking about time – instead of living in time here

I commit myself to be in time – through standing equal with my breath – standing equal with the movement of time as the physical here – and thus I commit myself to slow down and walk breath by breath – and moment by moment – to assess my world and my life according to what is required to be done – and direct my life in this moment HERE – and not direct myself from a starting point of lack of time – and chasing time – in an attempt to attain more time

Let it Fall Where it will Fall — Implications of Unconditional Love

So, I will in this blog dissect a youtube comment from a spiritual person and I will through this show how the ‘live and let go’ attitude of the light and love gang, is in-fact detrimental and harmful to earth and it’s inhabitants. The belief in ‘letting another being find his own way’ or ‘whatever makes your boat float’ as ‘unconditional love’ is actually not love at all, as I will reveal.

See – if you simply accept and allow people to do whatever the fuck they want to do – we end up in a world that is as the one we live in today. A world filled with abuse, bullying, deception and suffering.

So, let’s take a look at the comment now.

“[…] I help people everyday through talking to them and allowing them to come to their own conclusions – a true teacher allows their students to learn in their own time with only just a little guidance from those older and wiser than them. […]”

Aright, let’s begin.

Firstly, the author of this comment says that he allows his students to come to their own conclusions. Sounds so nice right? Like a real nice dude that let’s you think, behave, and exist in whatever way pleases you. But, let’s look at the implications of such a statement. If a student comes to the conclusion that he would like to rape women, murder them and bury them in a forest – is this then okay? The spiritualists would like to have you think that it’s okay, because apparently you must love everyone, respect their beliefs, because apparently everyone will find their own path to the truth – my god, such fucking bullshit.

I mean, look at where this bullshit belief and lived out behavior of unconditional love has taken us. We’ve accepted and allowed the world to be infested with parasites called capitalists, criminals called politicians, murderers called businessmen, terrorists called kings and queens, slave masters called teachers and judges – and in this process we’ve rendered the world completely useless as a supportive and habitable home.

And why has it become like this you might ask? Because we’ve given room for evil to exist, in our apparently benevolent stand wherein we’ve said ‘let if fall where it will fall’, we’ve become perpetrators to the extinction of life from the face of the planet earth. In our apathy, in our cowardice, evil has become the one principle by which people live and exist, as is seen by the fact that starvation, slavery, poverty, child-abuse, violence in the homes, alcohol, drugs, disease and death are common events in our world. Where did the real benevolence go? And what is real benevolence? Could we somehow have avoided reaching this point at which we find ourselves today, wherein each day is a struggle and fight for survival, because each and everyone has been taught and instructed since childhood to compete and raise themselves towards the top at the cost of others?

Obviously this could have been avoided. If we would have lived the realization that what I accept and allow another to live out, will eventually come and bite me in the ass, as neither him nor I is separate or apart from reality, instead we share it collectively. Thus – what I accept and allow the collective to live and exist as will also influence and have an effect upon my life and experience of myself.

So, if I accept and allow people to come to their own conclusions, mind-fucking myself to believe that I am apparently doing something good for them, while clearly seeing that their conclusion doesn’t support themselves or anyone else, I am in-fact creating hell, as I accept and allow evil to reign instead of common sense.

Thus, spiritualists and unconditional lovers – hear me. Let go of this bullshit called unconditional love, we need to stop being passive, apathetic, so gotdamn nice and respectable towards each other and instead show that there is a line that shall not be crossed – and that is the line of doing towards another what you would not have liked to be done unto you – which is abuse and bullying.

To learn more about the principle of what is best for all and how to live and apply this principle in a actual and practical way – check out desteni I process.

Until next time!