Tag Archives: child

Day 412: Forcefully Happy

Once every week I go to swim with my daughter together with other parents. We meet up, sing songs, swim together, and the kids learn to become comfortable with water. All in all, it is supportive and my daughter enjoys it. During these moments I made some interesting observations of parent-child relationships. One thing I see in many parents is the tendency to want to present themselves to their children as happy, positive and slightly mentally diminished. It takes on the form of constant smiling, laughing, talking with high pitched sounds, asking the children questions that we already know the answer to, and in general, behaving towards the children as if both themselves and the children have a limited capability to understand their reality.

I have asked myself, why is it that we believe we need to behave this way when we are with children? Why cannot we be natural, the way we behave with adults?

When I look at myself, and why I sometimes behave in the above mentioned way, I would say it has to do with a sense of inferiority – a belief that I am not good enough as I am – and that if my child is to have a good time – then I have to step up and be this super happy, smiling, laughing, clown type of person. I can also see that there is a belief within me that children are not able to appreciate a sensible, deep and grounded expression – and that they need some speed and energy to get going.

What I have come to realize by getting to know my daughter is that she is a real person – and that even though she does not look like an adult – she is able to perceive and interact with reality with the same depth as an adult. And just like any adult – it is not fair towards her to put up an act and try to be someone that I am not – further – it is not fair to myself. Because how can I create a real and fulfilling relationship with my daughter if I do not allow myself to be genuine? Children might look cute, and they might say things that are innocent and funny – though the depth of their experiences are the same as for us adults. And only because we have a different perspective, a broader view of life – does not make it less real, and it does not make us more than them. We are equals – yet we have different allocation points – and that is important to remember. Because it seems as if many parents forget this and act as if their children are stupid and their experiences are of less weight than that of our own.

What is the solution?

What helps me is to remember that my daughter is equal to me – and that I do not need to pretend to be someone else. I understand that even though she is smaller than me, and I have learned to master the areas of life where she is still learning, that does not make me superior – and in order to bond with her – I have to be genuine and take her seriously. I remind myself that it is not my place to teach, or show her some perfect example of what she is supposed to be later on, I am in her life to be a support, a guide and someone she can rely on – and to do that effectively – I have to stand as her equal. In practice – I push myself to speak with my normal, grounded voice – and I use adult words. I approach her experiences as real – and thus I take note of her and make sure that I communicate with her to find solutions – and I do not force my way only because I perceive I see what is the ‘right’ way.


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Day 332: Facing The Dark With A Smile

Relationships, often portrayed with positive words such as love, appreciate, protect, secure, adore, etc., however, the truth of a relationship is something different. In Sweden, my country of birth, the divorce rate is at 50-55 % in relation to the amount of people getting married, and the median marriage lasts for 10 years. From those numbers it is not a big leap to say that the portrayed image of relationships is not wholly accurate. And expressed coarsely, the image broadcasted of relationships is outright deceptive. Without a doubt, the major part of any relationship consists of conflicts, misunderstandings, compromises, emotions, competition, and all other forms of dysfunctional human behavior that we all inherit and learn as we come of age. That is not strange considering that we always bring our baggage as we enter into a new relationship, it is thus, impossible to create a lovely and peaceful paradise on this earth – UNLESS – we have created OURSELVES as that in our individual capacity.

There is though ways to deal with the ‘human element’ that we unfortunately bring with us as we enter into a new relationship. In this blog I am going discuss one important tool to use in the creation of a comfortable and supportive relationship – HUMOR – or – the ability to be CAREFREE in the face of adversity. This point opened recently for me as I have noticed a tendency that I have to take things very seriously. For example, I will have a discussion with my partner that then becomes more of a intense disagreement, where emotions arise within me. Instead of looking at the reason for the conflict, and why I reacted, and how to solve it, so that I do not need to walk through the same conflict situation again – what I have done is that I have focused on the idea that it is WRONG to have conflicts/arguments. And instead of expanding myself, approaching conflicts from this judgmental vantage point results in suppression of what is really going on within me.

Suppression is and has been the modus operandi of us human beings when it comes to dealing with difficult shit since ages back, and it is so clearly visible in our society. What is prison, punishment, and social exclusion but a suppression mechanism, where we remove the ‘bad’ and ‘unwanted’ dimensions of our communal experience and put it away, far away and hidden from our immediate sight, instead of looking at WHY, and HOW it happened, and what SOLUTION there is to deal with the problem once and for all? The technique of suppression is also readily applied in parenting. When children cry, or behave ‘badly’, we look at ways to suppress the behavior, either through rewards, such as praising, or sweets, or through punishments, and consequences, though seldom, we look at the cause and origin of the troublesome behavior – and hence we miss out on the opportunity to create a sustainable and long-term solution.

The question to ask ourselves is thus, WHY do we have such a difficult time in looking at the DARK, MALEFICENT, HORRIBLE, and UNWANTED within ourselves, our relationships, and society? From what I have already touched upon above, one of the reasons for this is because we JUDGE it, we are too uptight about it, we take it personally, react to it, believe it is something bad, and that we must just, immediately, without further consideration, put it away – far away.

Hence, getting back to relationships, what is then the solution for this way of looking at the dark within ourselves? How can we assist and support ourselves to ease up and be less serious about the shit that is going on both within and without? The way forward as I see it is HUMOR – because it has the property of taking the edge of things, to make things seem silly, and remove that big, heavy reaction of something being sooo BAD. And here, I am not saying that humor should be the end point, because obviously, we have to learn from our mistakes, reflect and look at them, in order to move forward – however – if we look at our mistakes in a state of reaction – our focus will become misplaced. Instead of unconditionally looking at ways to improve, our focal point will be on determining how bad we have been, and how we must now punish ourselves, to apparently through that, motivate ourselves to not be bad again. Though, it is not important to determine how bad, and wrong we have been, that which is of real substantial value is to find a lasting, sustainable solution for the future, so that we are able to prevent further consequences.

HUMOR sounds like YOU-MORE – because through humor we are able to get back to that CAREFREE state of looking at things unconditionally – and thus we are able to SEE more of ourselves – see the reality of things – because humor disarms, it cuts through the defenses, and it allows us to get a glimpse of what is actually going on, which then puts us in a position to implement changes.

Hence, conflicts, disagreements, and in general, shit that happens in a relationship, a way to disarm the seriousness of it all is through HUMOR – through seeing the stupid shit that we do and that it is many times totally insane – how can we fight and argue about such pointless things and believe that it is absolutely a matter of life and death to get our version of the story heard? It is insane, and that is what makes it so HILARIOUS. Humor, hence, is an important tool in the creation of a effective relationship with our partner, and ourselves.

And how to then practically apply humor in a moment? Well, let us say that we are in a situation where I am having a disagreement with my partner about whether or whether not to tidy up after myself when I have used the kitchen, where I will then go to great lengths to explain, and win my partner over, to my way of dealing with the kitchen, where apparently my way of doing things is of great practical value. Instead, I could in that moment see how ridiculous it is that I am standing here, talking about such a absolutely insignificant thing as to how to clean the kitchen, defending my way of doing things with all I got, when it really has no value or importance to me at all.

Learn more about this way of living:

Day 325: Remembering Balance

Remembering balance, this is something that I must push myself to do. I find it to be easy to me to loose myself in especially, career and future projections, hopes and desires of what I would be able to do, and how I would be able to feel out there, and then, forgetting about my life HERE. This way of living, where the future becomes more prominent than the present is a trait that has matured and developed as I have come of age, because as a kid, there was ONLY the present. And as a kid, there was no projection of a fulfilling future, because the present was sufficient.

I do see that as an adult it is important to have the skills of planning, foresight, and patience, as creating in this world, regardless of what it might, requires consistent action over space and time, nothing of magnitude can be created in but one moment. However, the great misunderstanding is to misinterpret a plan for the future, with the idea that fulfillment is as well awaiting us in the future. This feeling of a future fulfillment and completion is NOT real, and regardless of how convincing the inner experience might feel, it is very important to remember, that fulfillment is HERE, that LIFE is HERE, that self-expression is HERE, that physical LIVING is HERE. Even though I might realize and bring into fruition a complicated plan, the fact does not change, LIFE can only be created/lived/experienced HERE.

Hence, this is way balance is important, the balance between physical living/enjoyment/creation/expression HERE and planning/looking ahead/considering. Many adults seem to loose that balance as they come of age, and their lives become mundane, repetitive, walked as a routine, and not HERE as LIFE. And it is clear when comparing adults with children, the latter are so vibrant, happy, excited, filled with expression and experience, as they interact with their reality. And it is not about adults being more ‘wise’ and that adults have ‘seen’ and ‘understood’ what is all about, it is that adults are more in their heads, more in their memories, more in past experiences, and future projections, and hence in a way numb to experience the reality that is around and the life that is within them.

I have found that there are practical ways to retain, foster, and expand that child-like expression, for example, through pushing myself to be aware of my breath. Through being here with my breathing, I am able to keep myself with my human physical body, and also see when I venture into my mind and future projects, to then bring myself back here, into physical living. Further, placing my attention on the tip of my toes and fingers assist and support with presence, and bring my life expression INTO the physical, and hence, not accepting and allowing myself to let myself go to waste, through being locked up in a small area between my shoulders called the mind. I have thus realized, that birthing life in the physical, is about bringing our life presence HERE through a dedicated moment-to-moment application, where we each time we notice ourselves to be in the mind, bring ourselves BACK here, back into the physical.

Hence, PRESENCE, learning to live and apply this word in daily living is a key in retaining balance – because in being PRESENT here – I am also able to see when it is that I have ventured to far into a particular aspect of my life and there is a need for me to step back, gather and ground myself. And PRESENCE is a simple word to apply, it does not matter where we are, or what we do, as we can ALWAYS practice to remain present, aware, and HERE within what we do. It does not matter if we are obliged to think and project in our professional capacity, because even within that it is possible to remain present. And when we are present, life opens up to us in a completely different way than otherwise, we are suddenly aware of the nuances, the details, the small unnoticed points of our life, that we would usually have glanced over, as would if we would have been occupied in our minds.

Day 260: OOD = Obsessive Organizing Disorder

Today as I woke up, I knew that I had a long day of reading ahead of me – and because I know that I can focus and concentrate better when I have had some physical movement, I decided to go out and spend my morning doing some ‘farm-work’. Now, I currently live on an old farm, and my family as been living on this property for some four generations. This has caused many of the various buildings on the farm to become very, very, very disorganized. I am not sure why that is, though it might have something to do with rushing, and how we tend to disregard important points in our life, such as our living environment, because we are rushing towards the next thing on our to-do-list.

Regardless of why, it is very messy in some of the locals. And I have noticed that this messiness really gets to me – because I enjoy when points are organized, systematic, they make sense, and they have a clearly defined purpose. For example, I do not like a room where there is a myriad of things from various categories – such as a bicycle, mixed with a chainsaw, and a outboard engine. When I get into such a room I become all uneasy, and feel an urge to start organizing, and getting things into their proper place. And with some rooms on the farm I have managed to structure and organize things, though many are still left to be dealt with.

So, today as I was going about some chores around the farm, I got an idea of how to use a room, that would make sense, and that would bring more order and structure to things. In the next moment I realized that if I was going to follow through on that initial idea, the new purpose of the room that I had come up with, would clash slightly with the purpose of another room that I had thought up. Hence, I in that moment experienced a conflict of purposes – which led me to start thinking about it more, and more. Behind the scenes of this thinking process there was an emotional experience lurking – an anxiety – the driving force behind that urge to organize, to have things be systematic, controlled, specific, and aligned with their purpose.

Thus today, I am going to open up this obsessive organizing disorder-character – because this urge to organize and make things streamlined according to their purpose, it does not only come up in relation to the farm – it also comes up in my life. For example, I have noticed that it is very difficult for me to just pick up a new hobby, unless it is somehow fitted into the ‘purpose’ of my life, and where I picture myself going. And it is also difficult to ‘just do something’ without it having a goal, a purpose, an end-result in sight of what I want to achieve with this thing that I am doing. Accordingly, my diagnose is that I am obsessed with having things ‘fit into’ a scheme – a picture – a mental concept that I have created of my life – which in turn creates conflict in me when my reality does not fit into my concept of how reality should be like.

Then comes the most important question – What is the SOLUTION that I see for this pattern? As far as I see it – the solution is to accepted and allowed myself to again become a child, live like a child, and approach my day like a child – because what does a child do? A child is here in the present moment, participating in what is opening up here – and if a child one day notices how much he or she likes to ride horses – then the child will do that – unconditionally – not because it fits into the child’s idea of what he or she should do in the future. Hence, the correction is to live in the present moment – to NOT think about whether something is proper or improper – to NOT think about where something should lead me – to NOT try to organize and define everything into neat little pockets of information where I feel that I know where I am going – to be flexible and live in the moment – though still obviously – have a overview and a general sense of direction in knowing where I am going.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I constantly need to plan things beforehand, and that with all things I do and participate in, that they need to fit into a purpose, into a direction, and into a particular way of seeing things – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live in the moment, and be in the present – and approach things HERE – thus not try to fit things into, and define things, so that they are sorted and stored in a way that makes sense to me – because I see, realize and understand that things doesn’t always have to make sense – instead I can participate in something because I enjoy it, because it is here, and without having a already decided plan

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with seeing the future in everything that I do – where for me to do something – I have to see a path into the future, where this points develops, and matures, and then benefits me in my life in some way – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that not all parts and aspects of my life require to have a deep purpose and function – that sometimes – it is cool to just do something in that moment and then never return to it again – not all things require to fit in

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be obsessed with organizing and moving things where I live, to fit them into a systematic organization, that I think is logical, and that is based on reason – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it is that I do not have to organize, and systematize all things in my life – that some points I can leave as they are – and it won’t become better or worse whether I chose to organize the point or not – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not allow myself to be comfortable with disorganization

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel uncomfortable, and cringe inside of myself when I feel that things are not organized properly – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a reaction of immediately wanting to organize things, and put them into their correct place – and then go into a state of anxiety, and fear when I can’t seem to find a way of organization that fits into my way of logically structuring points in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to define and make sense out of everything that happens in my life – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to overanalyze situations, and what I am doing in my life – want to fit it into the bigger scheme of things – when really – sometimes there is no such meaning to a point that occurs – and sometimes there is no value in trying to define, or make sense of something – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be comfortable with not specifically knowing where things are headed, and how they might turn out in the future – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not accept and allow myself to trust myself – and stand stable in my breath here – even though I have no clear view, or exact knowledge on how the decision I make is going to affect me and what it is going to lead to

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself, that even though I might not see the full picture just yet, that when I move myself, and continue to push myself forward – that I am going to reach a point where I do see what is going on and the best decision I can make to support my life and the life of others – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace the moment – living here in the present – as how children live – where there is no thought about what something should become – and rather what is important is the moment of self-expression that is here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I can trust myself to direct points HERE in the present as they come up and as I see that it is relevant for me to move – make a decision – and direct a particular point – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace this point of moving in the present – and practice seeing the way forward HERE – having a plan – yet not accepting and allowing this plan to overshadow my present reality and the opportunities that are opening up for me here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that when I get too caught up in my plans, and in what my future should be, and should become, I miss out on the physical living HERE – and I miss out on the process of self-creation that must be done in every moment of breath – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice establishing, and creating a balance for myself, between planning for the future, and remaining in the present – creating and being receptive to what is going on here

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I am going into a way of being, where I am trying to make my life fit into a predetermined planned, and define it into already specified, and purposefully arranged boxes, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that when I approach life from this starting point – I am going to create conflict within myself – because I will constantly think about the ideals – about how something SHOULD be – and not how things are here – and thus I commit myself to create a balance between the present and my future – where I do have a plan and a purpose for my life and future – yet where I am still accepting and allowing myself to be present HERE and receptive to what is opening up and moving in my day to day living

When and as I see that I am going into future projections, where I am imagining how things should become, how things should develop, how things should work out, and how things should be like, and what I can do in my future to make things the way I have imagined, and hoped that they should be, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that when I only think about what I should do in the future, and what I must do before I can begin moving, or doing something in my life, I am holding myself back, and limiting myself severely, grinding myself to a total halt within myself, because all of myself is in the future and not HERE – and thus I commit myself to create a balance between making plans for the future, and living HERE in the moment, creating and building, and shaping my life in the moment, with the resources that are at my disposal HERE

When and as I see myself going into and as a state of future planning, where I try to organize and make sense of this present moment through thinking about what I can, and should do in the future, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I am limiting myself by accepting and allowing myself to make sense of this present moment – that I do not need that to be stable, sound and clear, and be directive about my decision and where I am going – and thus I commit myself to trust myself to walk in the present – and trust myself that as I walk I will see the next step to take – and the next point to take on and move and direct – and thus that I do not require to use my mind to make sense of where I am and where I am going

Day 249: Creating Movement – Part 2: How laziness is created – external causes

girlinwoods-1080x675Many times when we meet people, we tend to be quick to judge. After a glance, a short conversation, or meeting, we believe that we know who someone is, and we treat him or her accordingly. The fascinating thing however, is that we rarely take time to really understand another person. Obviously, the guy that went out and robbed some old lady did not become a robber overnight – all of our decisions, and the characters we live on a daily basis are created through a process of time and space. We face certain points, difficulties, challenges, or realize aspects about life, and we make changes in our way of living. This is the process of creation all human beings go through, and that is most noticeable during the teenage years.

Now, why do I bring up this point? Because it is important to understand that I was not born lazy, I wasn’t born apathetic, this was pattern I came to create through a process of time and space. I faced certain points in my life; from there I evaluated the information and made decisions that were not effectively aligned to my physical reality. Thus to say that I was just one of those ‘spoiled’ kids that didn’t want to do anything with his life is a generalization, and a simplification, and doesn’t give justice to what actually happened, and is nowhere near laying all the facts on the table. In this blog, thus, I am going to deeper into the fundamental bricks that led me to create a character of laziness and apathy, and primarily focus on the external causes the lead to laziness and apathy, which most of the times origin in the parent-child relationship. Hence, this blog will be of assistance and support for parents and others that can’t understand why their child, or someone in their life, is lazy, and indifferent.

Lack of responsibility

A friend of mine once told me that: “When you create something, you must give it responsibility”. This is very true, because without responsibility, you cannot grow or expand as a human being – without responsibility none of your actions have consequence, and regardless of what you do, it doesn’t feel as if it is for real. This is a mistake that a tremendous amount of parents do – they are afraid of giving their children responsibility, and this in turn creates consequences, which happened to me when I was a child.

Now, giving responsibility does not imply trying to control your child to do what you want – it doesn’t imply that you must threaten your child to follow through on their commitments. Giving responsibility implies a process of education, where the child or teenager learns to see and understand the nature of consequence and how this is something we create through our actions and inactions. Most parents are not sufficiently trained to educate their children in how consequences are created, and due to this they will attempt to develop conscience and responsibility in their child utilizing manipulation, fear and rewards. Unfortunately, these methods does not direct the origin of the issue, which is that the child haven’t formed an ability to understand the role they play in their environment, and how their life affect the lives of others.

Thus, what I have found in my research into laziness, and apathy, is that one of the primary causes of this behavioral dysfunction, is lack of responsibility, or rather, a lack of understanding responsibility. In my case this was a pattern that developed due to how my parents saw me, and in turn treated me – and basically they never gave me any responsibility of my own. No matter what I did, in the end, I always did it for someone other than myself – and my motivation to do it was so that I would not get punished, or so I would get a reward – hence not because I actually understood what I was doing.

It is clear that I can’t blame my parents for this, because my parents were not shown this area of child education by their parents. In-fact most people do not grow up until they get children of their own. Only then they realize their responsibility towards their environment, and are basically forced to snap out of any tendency to slack or be lazy. Though this can all be avoided through making sure that we give responsibility to our children – which basically entails seeing and making them equal to ourselves – were we give them charge of a certain point and then assist and support them to walk through the point and in that grow, and realize their interconnectedness with other parts of life.

Affluence

If you take a look at the first world countries, and the teenagers in these countries, and compare them to teenagers living in developing countries, you will many times notice a fascinating difference. The youngsters growing up in a developing country are oftentimes more mature, self-independent, self-reliant, and strong – have a goal set in mind and are daily motivating themselves to create their goal. This is maturity that very few teenagers, and youngsters acquire in the more affluent first world countries – and the cause of this is: Our relationship to money.

Taking myself as an example, I grew up in a family where all I had to do was point at something, and eventually I would get it. There was no effort, no movement, no willpower required for me to get what I wanted, what I wanted just came to me. Obviously my parents had good intentions, though the consequence was that I formed a misaligned relationship to self-creation and the point of building a life for myself in this world. Deep within me I formed an idea that things would just come to me, that my major life decisions would just be made for me, that my life would just easily flow forward, and become what I wanted it to become, without any effort, willpower or drive on my side. Undeniably, this is not how things work in actuality.

Though, I am not saying that children must be deprived of money, and that they have to work for their money to understand what money is and what role it plays in relation to self-creation. What I am saying is that most parents neglect the important point of early on showing their child the effort that is required to create your own path in life in relation to career, education, and other survival points – and why it is important to create a life for yourself. Due to this, children grow up oblivious of the tough reality that awaits them when their time in school is over, and because they are so used to get everything they want to, they do not have the skill of self-disciplined movement that is required to create something extraordinary.

Hence, when the parent steps in too much, and doesn’t assist and support the child to develop their own understanding and relationship to creation, money, career, and movement in the system – a consequence that forms is laziness, apathy and indifference in the child. This is what happened to me, and many of my friends – we simply did not have clear understanding of what is required to create for ourselves a supportive and enjoyable lifestyle in this world.

Lack of freedom

Another important aspect of how laziness and apathy is created, which also, most often, stems from the parent-child relationship, is lack of freedom. This point couples closely with lack of responsibility, though it is slightly different. The freedom I look at here is the freedom to make decisions, the freedom to make the wrong decisions, the freedom to choose your life, and what to create with it. Obviously, here, I am not saying that its supportive to just stand by and watch while someone is clearly abusing or creating severe consequences for themselves – it is instead important to step in and assist and support through sharing insights, and realizations than trying to force a change in the child.

In my own life, I didn’t have much freedom of my own – the simple reason being that my parents wanted to control most dimensions of my life. In particular they wished to control my plans for the future, my way of interacting with the world, my morals, my values, and my thinking processes. The consequence of this was that I in my teenage years went through the usual state of rebellion, where I basically started to create many consequences for myself, just to show my parents that I indeed had my freedom – that I was in control. And one of the points that I used to portray this apparent freedom of mine, was to show to others how I didn’t care about anything – how I was totally free from the control of others – apathy and laziness was thus a way for me to reject the adult world and achieve my freedom of choice.

The problem here is obviously that trying to live freedom in this way is very consequential, and it’s not even real freedom – what I lived out was more an attempt to SHOW others that I was free. Though was I then free to begin with? When my starting point was to prove to others that I was free? So, what is missing in the parent-child relationship, and what must be created for the child to not feel that they have to rebel in order to feel free, is that the child must be given the freedom to create their own lives from an early age. This freedom must entail, the freedom of making mistakes, the freedom of being different, and the freedom of not being/thinking/living like the parents.

Summary

In this blog I have investigated and shared some of the external causes of laziness and apathy in people. These causes are primarily found in the parent-child relationship and basically have the same origin point: The child is not assisted and supported to develop and nurture their own individual expression. Laziness is on a deep level a protest, a way of saying that, it doesn’t matter what I do, because someone is going to step in and make me do differently anyway. This is obviously a misconception, because as adults WE DO have the power to create our lives – but our childhood reminiscences have more power than what we are aware of – and there are many that can remain for an entire lifetime in a character of laziness and apathy. It doesn’t have to be this way, and in this series of blogs I am eventually going to walk through the process of correction, that will assist and support anyone stuck in a laziness-character, to step out of laziness and into self-movement.

Creating Movement – Part 1: Introduction
Creating Movement – Part 2: How laziness is created – external causes
Creating Movement – Part 3: How Laziness is Created – Internal Causes
Creating Movement – Part 4: Learning To Handle Resistance
Creating Movement – Part 5: Practical Solutions for Resistance
Creating Movement – Part 6: Baby Steps To Change
Creating Movement – Part 7: The Rewards

Day 232: Being Super-Serious About Life

Being Super-Serious about life – isn’t that something we tend to become, as we grow older? At least I can see that this has happened to me in many ways, though primarily with regards to survival, future, career and money – and thus – in this blog I’m going to open up the mindset/character of approaching opportunities, life, and self-creation in the world-system from within a state of being serious.

The definition of the word serious is:

1 demanding or characterized by careful consideration or application

2 acting or speaking sincerely and in earnest, rather than in a joking or half-hearted manner

3 significant or worrying because of possible danger or risk; not slight or negligible

Interestingly enough a synonym for serious is grave (which has a secondary definition of being a burial ground) – and sounding the word serious, what comes through is SEAR-I-US – and the word sear means to burn, or scorch the surface of something with a sudden and intense heat. Thus, from my perspective, and the way I’ve lived the word serious, is through being overly cautious, and anxious about the future, economic prospects and career decisions – I’ve seldom made a decision for my future without being strategic and with long-term goals in my mind – knowing already when I start out what kind and type of results that I want to achieve.

b108344124fdc0532173cb2a2e763be75930828dHence, I’ve lived the word serious as a form of coping mechanism to deal with an underlying anticipation – that in any moment – at any time – something really bad might happen, and unless I spend each and every second preparing myself for that, making sure that my future is meticulously planned out – then it will occur – and I will stand in the midst of the shit not knowing how to direct myself.

Within the way I’ve lived seriousness, I do see that there are some cool, and practical dimensions – it’s obviously common sense to be well-prepared, have foresight and be strategic about decisions – though at some point this application can go overboard, and when it does, the consequence that comes through is stagnation. Because when making a decision to step out into the world, to create, to bring through a change in someway or another, there is always that point of uncertainty, that point of insecurity, which is completely natural since we do exist in a world that in it’s very essence is unpredictable, uncertain, and changeable.

Thus, because the world is not able to be fully predicted, at some point planning becomes an excuse to not take action – and that happens when we avoid moving ourselves with the opportunities that open up, because we experience a sense of fear in not being able to have complete control, and direction over what might open up. Hence, in order to live the word seriousness in a balanced way, two other words must be considered, and those are adventure, and playfulness.

When we don’t know what might come of a decision we’ve made, we’re in-fact walking into the unknown, now instead of remaining in seriousness, here is where we’re able to apply adventure and playfulness – seeing, realizing and understanding that facing and learning something new can be an adventure, something exciting, and fun – something that paves the way for self-expansion and self-movement. Within approaching something new, there is room for playfulness, because when something is new, untried, and untouched, there is opportunity for experimentation, room for finding the best way, room for challenges, and seeing what can be done. Thus, here seriousness isn’t needed – now when the plan is set up, and all points that can be considered have been considered, it’s time to move into the plan and create it – and to do that effectively we require to be responsive, flexible and playful = go on an adventure.

So, we should ask ourselves when something new comes into our world, who should I be in relation to this point? Fearful, uncertain, doubtful, or see it as an adventure, embrace and walk into the unknown – and allow ourselves to enjoy the process of discovery that takes place each time we move ourselves into uncharted territory. Obviously, embracing and walking into a change with a sense of adventure and discovery is the most rewarding – because it allows for expansion and development – expressions that can’t come through if we continuously hold back our own momentum with a skeptical seriousness.

Thus – it’s time to let go of our adult-mindset and allow the child within to come through and explore – because without the process of discovering – we’ll never discover what’s actually possible.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear approach life, opportunities, challenges, and decisions that I’ve made, within playfulness and a sense of adventure – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto a state of seriousness, and attempt to approach all things, aspects, and dimensions of my life within being serious, and trying to have each and every little detail planned out beforehand, not seeing, realizing and understanding that this isn’t how things actually work – that I can’t have everything planned out – because in this world thins will emerge unpredictably – and instead of fearing this – it’s far more effective to walk into it with excitement and joy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get stuck in the adult mindset of seriousness, looking at life from within and as survival, and approaching opportunities, and new aspects of life from within and as a starting point of skepticism, and apparent realism – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when I approach life from this perspective, I’m in-fact severely limiting and holding myself back, placing this label over my life, with rules, regulations, and limitations, not realizing that life, and self-creation could be totally different – if I instead accept and allow myself to walk into the future, to walk into self-creation, from within and as a starting point of playfulness and with a sense of adventure

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not approach my future, and decisions that I’ve made, that I’ve planned out, and carefully constructed, from within and as a starting point of adventure, and playfulness – to see, realize and understand that I’ve now lain the ground-work through research and preparation, and that now it’s time for me to step out and walk my plan into action, and that is a process that can’t be fully predicted, it must be walked from moment to moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not challenge myself to walk from moment to moment, and realize, that when I do have the backdrop of a plan, when I do have a outline defined for myself, there is really no need to be serious, and overly cautious about the future – because the fact is that I can deal with such points as they arise – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to walk into my future – and into my life – and into what is to come – and within that apply playfulness and looking at the unfolding of my creation as a adventure

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become overly cautious with regards to creating my future in terms of career, job, money, employment, and similar points – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand to what extent that I’m limiting myself when I look at those aspects in my life from this very stiffened, and graven starting point – viewing them as burdens that have to be fulfilled – instead of seeing the potentials that exist – widening my view – looking up from this experience into the physical world that is here – and pushing myself to work with what is here – to apply myself within what is here before – to utilize what is here in my life bring myself and my life forward

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that as a child, I did have that innocent and unconditional approach towards life, where things wasn’t just a burden to be fulfilled, but it was an adventure to be experienced, to be created, and to be lived – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take that stance in relation to my life again, to see, realize and understand that regardless of what point I’m walking into – that there is this potential of walking into it with a sense of joy, adventure, and playfulness – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this is in-fact the solution for me to be able to do – create – and form a life form myself that I would truly enjoy and find rewarding, challenging, and demanding – which is what I desire and want to have out of life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the solution of creating a life for myself that really challenges me, and where I expand – is to move through the experience of uncertainty and resistance towards new things, towards new opportunities, new points of creation, new worlds, and words to open up – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself the gift of pushing through these fears, and putting myself out there to experience life – as well as experience myself and my potential and ability to create and bring my vision into life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand – that life isn’t going to wait for me to feel prepared – and rather life is here and it’s a decision that I’ve to make to walk into it and really take up the challenge of creating myself in this lifetime – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make that decision – to not put myself out there – to challenge myself – and place me into the zones and positions where I don’t feel particularly comfortable – because I see, realize and understand that it is in those positions and stances that I will expand – grow – and develop within and as myself

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I am holding back from moving and directing myself, taking action and living my plans and decisions, because I feel a sense of anticipation, and I can’t really predict what is going to happen, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that there is a time for planning, yet then there is a time for action, and walking out into the system, and creating myself, and this is where I’m at now – I require to breathe and walk out into the world system and create myself and my life – do that which I see is necessary to be done

When and as I see that I am holding myself back in anticipation, expecting the worst, and trying to solve this by planning every single minute detail – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I’m limiting myself, and that by pushing through this anticipation, and expectation of the worst, and actually placing myself out there, moving myself – I will expand and grow – because I’m going to face new challenges – new dimensions of life which will require me to be on my toes and question myself – and develop an effective character for dealing with the point; thus I commit myself to actively push myself through anticipation, and it’s cousins postponement, and stagnation, through putting myself out there – through working with the resources that I’ve at my disposal and not accepting and allowing myself to wait for everything to be perfect before I begin

Day 227: Fear of Losing Time

Since becoming 28 years of age I’ve started to have these thoughts, and fears come up with regards to aging, and ‘losing my life’ – ‘losing my opportunity’ – and these thoughts are often accompanied with nostalgic memories, and pictures of the past – things that I did and didn’t do – and what I could, or should have done.

What is interesting is that the consequence of me accepting and allowing these thoughts is that my outlook on the future becomes colored by fear – and due to this my plans for the future tend to be made within a sort of hastiness – a feeling of lack of time and that apparently there is so much I must get before I become old and die – and unless I do them my life will not have been lived to it’s fullest potential. This is thus the design existent within me with regards to time, aging and using my breaths here on earth – it’s currently aligned within the principle of what I WANT DO with MY LIFE to make sure that MY LIFE was cool, effective, and that as I die – I can look back and feel super-content with myself.

In walking through the design of this point, one quote by Bernard Poolman comes to mind:

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse to understand that any change will go hand in hand with resistance as I have to push through the automated occupation of self that is obsessed with time till I have removed this fear driven obsession with time and what I believe is important due to the effective ways I have allowed myself to become a participant in the current system of the individual self obsessed with personal achievement.” (see blog HERE).

This quote effectively encapsulates the design I’ve opened up here – it’s the design of being obsessed with time because it’s the resource I require to live out my addiction with personal achievement – and the origin of addiction is actually the want to feel good about myself – and because in achieving things in my personal capacity – more knowledge – more experiences – more money – I feel good and my self-image is upgraded. Though obviously this is not a real self-image – it’s only a façade based on energy that will disappear the instant I die.

In a blog I read recently (check it out HERE ) the point of DEATH is expounded upon – and this perspective I found to be very assisting. In the blog the realization is shared of how futile self-interest really is, how living a life in the name of self-glorification never amounts to ANYTHING at all – and that regardless of how much knowledge we accumulate, regardless of how far we reach in our careers – DEATH will always have the last say.

Thus, this begs the question – what is REAL value, what is REAL worth, what is REAL opportunity, what does it mean to REALLY live? And how do we create our lives to be of actual consequence? And there is really just one answer to that question – giving ourselves a HIGHER PURPOSE – without a HIGHER GOAL within and through we walk our daily lives to give as we’d like to receive – from the starting point of genuinely wanting to make this world a more effective and harmonious place to live in – there is practically speaking no point in living.

It’s fascinating – that in order to LIVE LIFE we have to GIVE UP our own life and open our eyes to the bigger whole – and realize that our value in this world is measured by what we’ve given – not by what we’ve received.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with my own future, my own life, and my own personal achievements, and thus fear becoming old, and aging, in fear of losing time that I can use to further my interests, desires, hopes, and wants – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this fear is in-fact valid, and believe that this worry that comes within me with regards to losing time that I could use for purposes of feeling like an achiever, is real – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that this purely ego – and that the entire design is based upon fear and being obsessed with using my time to further my self-interests

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that children do have something that adults lack, which is the ability to let go of the idea of achievement, and development, and rather embrace self here, and trust that self will walk what is required and necessary to be walked in the moment – and that there is really no lack of time, or grandiose project that must be completed within a certain time-space, in order for my life to apparently be successful

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that life is HERE within and as the physical, that it exists within and as every moment of breath, that it’s not something hidden, masked and hanging in front of me like a carrot on a stick – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spend my time from within and as a starting point of fear – as the fear of losing my time – and losing my potential to build a particular careersfor myself, or a name for myself – to apparently within that become someone of importance, and significance in this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the way I’ve approached goals, the future, my life, my daily living, has been within and as this slight undercurrent of fear, as the fear of losing my time, and spending my time on things that will not contribute to the enhancement, and creation of myself as someone that have achieved great success – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist and be stuck within this starting point of only caring for myself and my own success, my own hopes, and desires – and what I plan, and want to achieve in this life, that might make my future more bright than the future of others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that real value, real worth, is the process of me giving as I’d like to receive – and that the effect of my life is not something that I should measure according to much I can create for myself, but rather how much I can create for life – which implies creating for the benefit of everyone – giving for the benefit of everyone – looking at what I can do and how I can move myself each and everyday that will have a lasting and positive effect on myself and others as well – and realizing that this is real value – what I leave behind in every moment that is of actual practical support for others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how death reveals the futility of self-interest, and how there is really no meaning in living only to create my own life, my own future, my own success – because eventually I will die – and then what I’ve created will not mean anything – because I didn’t give to this earth and this reality – I didn’t contribute practically and physically to actually place into this world points that will remain here after I’m gone and that will have a lasting and effective impact – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that this is what is important – this is what creating real value actually means – establishing a functional solution for a world that is best for all and giving this to others as I’d like to receive

Self-commitment statements

I commit myself to realize that the value of my life and living is determined by what I give – and what I live that is of benefit to everyone and not only to myself – and that thus: This obsession with time, and creating my purpose and fulfilling myself – that it’s really futile – because at the end of the day – self-interest will simply not stand the test of time – and thus I commit myself to let go of this fear of not having personal achievement – to free myself from these shackles and accept and allow myself to give my life unconditionally to create – shaping – and building life in this physical world/reality

I commit myself to give myself to life – to give myself to others – to see, realize and understand that the key to a life in peace is in-fact caring for others for real – caring for this world for real – giving my life to creating life – being genuine in actually caring for and willing myself to manifest a solution because I care for life – and I care for humanity – and I want what is best for life because life is me

I commit myself to practice caring on a physical/practical basis – through genuinely asking myself what I can give to others – that will be of genuine support and assistance – and that will strengthen their lives and make them more complete and effective as beings – to thus change my starting point in life to instead give – and look at what I can do for this world – instead of looking at what this world can do for me