Tag Archives: children

Day 433: Stopping Groundhog Day

Groundhog day was a movie made somewhere in the nineties about a person trapped in a day that was repeating into infinity. He fell asleep only to wake up to the exact same scenario. Even though I am not trapped in such a reality – it does sometimes feel like life is similar to groundhog day – and that can be frustrating.

When I sit down to look at this point however, I can see that there is one pattern in particular that keeps me trapped in Groundhog day mode – and that is my tendency to remain in my comfort zones – that – and not pushing myself more to change limiting behavioral patterns. Because even though my reality is pretty much on repeat, wake up, work, go home, sleep, wake up, work, go home, sleep – that does not mean that I have to be on repeat. And there are a couple of things about myself that I accept and allow to be on repeat – that creates this experience of groundhog day.

The two most important aspects of myself that I require to change to get myself out of this rut is my relationship to money, that I still accept and allow to be defined by fear and my movement outwards socially – which is something I tend to compromise due to thinking that it is not important or relevant. However – social interaction and creating new and deepening already existing relationships is one of those things that creates a deep sense of value within me that goes beyond the normal everyday rut. The effect is similar to when I sit down and write like this. My relationship to myself is strengthened and I am able see more and with greater clarity. Thus – those two aspects of my life is something that I want to push and expand. And even though this reality is pretty much locked and defined into limited contexts, there are always room to bond and create new connections – especially since the introduction of social media.

The third aspect that I see is important to bring myself out of groundhog day-mode is to actively work with what comes up within me. Because many times this illusion of ‘same, same, same’ is created by having the same experiences, not necessarily because going through the same kind of situation. In-fact, the situation can be entirely new, however because we interpret it based on our memories, and activate old, repeated experiences connected to those memories, we completely miss the essence of the moment – and we can even believe that the moment is about something different. This is how we live out our memories – again, again, and again – and why time seems to move faster with age. We are full with information – we are all the time engaging and experiencing old memories and never really interact for real with reality – thus we just experience the past repeating. When we were children, we still had room within us to store information, and room/presence to experience reality without relating it to a memory, which made life so much more real.

I can for example remember summer breaks as a child. The time moved slowly. And even though I was not necessarily doing new things every day, there was a appreciation, love and contentedness present that made me see something new in every moment. That is an ability that I have lost as an adult and that I am now working at re-creating – and understanding how I was able to live in such a way as a child and how come I lost it. And my assessment at the moment is that one of the primary reasons is that as a child I did not have memories – I did not associate one moment to another – they were all new and fresh moments that I walked into with fresh and open eyes. And obviously, that was a far superior way of living compared to how us adults live.

Though the problem with children is that they are simply given the ability to live in this way – hence they do not understand how it is created – and that is where I am at the moment – in the process of understanding how to live in every moment without defining it according to my past. And in many ways I have already learnt how to do it – I understand how presence is created and maintained – though – there are still points that I need to push to get back to a sensible state of being.


Day 430: Sparking Life in a Survival World

It can be challenging keeping the spark of life alive and growing as we become adults and enter into the survival system of the world. All around us is designed in the principle of survival. All of the words we hear, designed in the principle of survival. You put on the news, you hear about survival. The moments where you are allowed to for a moment just be yourself and enjoy a moment are very few. However – we cannot blame the world as it is. We have to learn how to live our spark of life within what we do – and also – to schedule in moments of unconditional expression into our lives – we must treat it as something important – something we need to blossom – and not see it just as any kind of hobby.

I would say that our desire to survive limits our ability to live with a spark. If we would be less concerned about survival, life would open up. There are so many things we avoid, so many things we do, so many things we want to do that we do not, because of, fear of survival. Children do not care about that. They are childlike and not yet afraid of death. We can learn a lot from them. However, it is important to be realistic. We cannot live and express the same as children, because adults, our realities expand and we are required to take on responsibilities. The trick is learning to live with a childlike spark and still remain functional in the adult world. And that is something I have been working a lot with.

I have realized that most of my dreams/visions for the future exist because I have suppressed my childlike expression in the moment. In my dreams, where I have for example gotten a particular position in my career, I feel alive, wholesome and content. And thus I strive to create that, believing that it is only by manifesting my dream that I will be able to feel that way. This is the mistake. The truth is that the dream is only a projection, a form of postponement – the real change is waiting to be made in every moment of every breath. Few children have dreams of the future – because they live fully in every moment. Why dream of something more when there is no lack in this very moment? It does not make sense. Hence – most dreams indicate that there is a state/condition of lack existing within self.

I am not saying that all dreams are bad. We live in a practical reality – and practical changes will have an impact on our well-being. Earning more money can for example open up possibilities – meeting a partner can be a gateway to new experiences. What makes dreams deceptive is when we believe that they will change our self-relationship – change the experience we have of ourselves in every moment. That is something we take with ourselves everywhere we go – and it cannot be changed by external forces. It is a job that must be done by ourselves.

In my process I have spent a lot of time decoding my dreams/visions to understand what they are showing to me about my expression. For example – when I greatly desire to buy new power tools – this tends to be because I have had a moment of unconditional expression/enjoyment working with wood. My mind then takes this expression and translates it into a energy/desire – and if I am not careful – I will start believing that the gateway to more enjoyment is by purchasing new things. The reality is that my enjoyment/expression is dependent upon me – and it is something that I open up and create – and for that I do not need a particular power tool. This is something I apply to all of my desires/visions/dreams – I look at what they are saying about me and whether it is a genuine and practical vision of the future that I have. A desire to travel abroad can for example imply that I do not accept and allow myself to live adventure/stimulation in my everyday life. And then instead of creating that to be a part of my life – I want to experience it by traveling to a different country.

If I go back to survival – my initial point. This is a system that suppress our expressions and our spark of life. Practically speaking, survival is necessary – however – from a life-perspective – survival is not the reason why we are here. Survival is a means to an end – it is not the end in itself – and that is important to remember when everything and everyone else in the world seems to be convinced that the only thing of importance in life is to survive.


 

Day 423: Changing our Patterns, Changing our Future

Some days ago I was hanging out with my daughter, she is close to two and a half years old at the moment. I could see the kind of person she is developing into – and it made me proud. I really enjoy seeing her expand – and I realized one thing: that this growth is not an accident – it is the result of my partner and I spending time and sharing the best of ourselves with her. Two and a half years might sound like a short time, though for a child, there is an amazing development. From being a piece of flesh, my daughter can now speak, do basic reasoning, create and maintain relationships, and share her likes and dislikes. In that moment I could see the result of our efforts – and it yet again brought forth the understanding within me that change/movement/creation comes through in the small moments accumulated over time.

It is easy to forget the power of accumulation and instead start to believe/think that there is more power in taking great strides. Small actions, when executed, feels easier, less impactful, and without as much meaning as putting in long hours of work into something. However, when that small action is done over and over again, consistently, over a period of time, it will start to have great and lasting impact. That is the secret of creating anything in this world – consistent – persistent – principled action. And this phenomenon is always part of reality. Each morning everything begins anew. Each day we have an opportunity to reinforce some form of pattern – and it is the quality of these patterns that will determine the result, the quality of our life. If we have a lousy quality on our patterns – then the result will be lousy. If our patterns are effective – we will have great results.

Walking the process of self-forgiveness is to learn to redesign our patterns into supportive and expansive structures that help us move forward. An easy example of how this works is the following. Let us say you have a pattern of going into fear of survival when you buy things, causing you to compromise yourself in terms of the goods and services you purchase. A redesign of such a pattern would be that you create a pattern of trusting yourself with money to buy what you require to be the best you can be. Such a pattern in relation to money will make you self-empowered with money.

All our life consists of these patterns – and they come through in child rearing. What most parents tend to do is to share/live patterns that are ineffective. An example of such a pattern is becoming angry when the child displays some form of destructive behavior instead of explaining what was wrong with the behavior, why it was wrong, and supporting the child to create a more effective way of relating to the world. And because we have dysfunctional patterns, our children gets a dysfunctional education, and they start breaking down in various ways. And this can all be avoided – when we walk our process – and change our dysfunctional patterns into patterns that supports equality, life and what is best for all.

My partner and I have walked this process of self-forgiveness – we still have a long way to go – however already – I can see the effects of our own personal changes in our daughter – and it is awesome. I wish I could have grown up the way my daughter grows up. She has two parents that want the best for her – and that have understood how unwanted patterns are created and how they can be directed. Everyone should know about this – especially those of us that are or that aspire to become parents.

We are all programmable and we live in a programmable world. This is the key to self-creation and supporting a child to create themselves. Everything can be directed with consistent and persistent action.


Day 416: Children of the Future

This week I have begun my mornings by stating:

“I am mother earth, I am father sky, and I am the children that will become the future of this world”

Stating this each morning has helped me to be more stable in the face of the current situation in the world – because it is easy to lose hope – it is easy to lose interest, faith, creative juice, desire and want to change and to make a imprint on this existence. It is easy to think that I am only one person, and what can one person do? Because it feels like the world is so, so big, controlled by such powerful interests, and that I am so, so small, insignificant, and unworthy.

However – what I have realized is that I am the future – in each breath, with each word, with each action, I am involved in this world, and I am involved in creating the future. It might feel as if it something that is beyond my grasp, though it is not, it is right here. And each morning when I wake up, I can either approach my day within this stance, that I am here to create a better tomorrow, or I can approach with a sullen indignation and hopelessness, thinking that there is nothing to be done. For me the choice is easy, I want the former approach. I want to make this life count, and I want to make myself count, one voice, one vote, for a better me, a better future, a better reality for everyone.

It is important to not become engulfed in the state of the world as it exist at the moment. What is here is not the end, it is the beginning. What is here has been created over centuries, and it will take a long time to change – however as with all journeys – it begins with a single step. And if there is a clear decision, a steadfastness and consistency, then time does not matter – the point has already been created and what is left is to walk it into manifestation. It is similar to making a movie – when the script is done it is only a matter of shooting it.

To be the children that brings the future – one point that must be practiced is being open, receptive and interested in solutions. I see many that loose themselves in a state of complaining, diminishing, finding fault in others and themselves and criticism. And many times they can clearly see and outline the problems – however – they do not script a solution – the remain at the stage of seeing – and that is not enough. What matters is what we do when we see. An effective response would be to investigate what we are able to do to change and bring through what is best – and then act on that. Children do not hold preconceived notions. When they see a problem, they find a solution to it – and they are open to the fact that every problem have a solution – there is nothing that cannot be solved and directed. And whereas we as adults might give up before we have even tried, because we push ourselves down harshly within our own minds, children go for it. And that is something I want to emulate. To approach the world fearlessly and without beliefs as to what is possible and what is not. Change within and change on a global level is not a dream – it is a possibility – and to get there we must begin walking.

However it is true that change will not come through by waiting for external forces to move – and why should we wait? The future is created in the small and seemingly insignificant actions that make up a usual day. We might not see it, but each day holds potential for movement, exploration, creation and expansion. The challenge is to see and even create those moments and to act. Too many adults become dull and boring – they loose touch with their wit, strength, power, playfulness and drive. For them life becomes a series of uneventful days all about survival and making it through to the next day. Their eyes become hazy and unfocused, and their voices become monotone and slack. Children are not like that. They are bustling, feverish, intense and driven, they explore and are curious about the world around them, and they make sure that not a moment is lost. They are hungry for the life that is here to be experienced and lived.

Thus, we adults, we must embrace and live the fact that we are the children that will bring through the future in this world. And each day adds a brick, in the brick wall, that is the world we share together. And either, we can approach as adults, believing that there is no chance in hell that can we do anything, or we can approach it as children, with the understanding, that what we do will ripple out into the world and have an effect. We are not alone in this world, we are all dependent on each other, and what we do, will have an impact. And even if we are not yet able to see it, and perhaps, will not be able to see it in our lifetime, the ripples are there, undeniably. As children, we must be unconditional, and create our ripples, and not accept and allow our motivation to become bound to external events – we must move from within that deep, bountiful, limitless playfulness that is the hallmark of children everywhere. That is where we will find the patience, steadfastness, drive and motivation to last for a lifetime.


Day 412: Forcefully Happy

Once every week I go to swim with my daughter together with other parents. We meet up, sing songs, swim together, and the kids learn to become comfortable with water. All in all, it is supportive and my daughter enjoys it. During these moments I made some interesting observations of parent-child relationships. One thing I see in many parents is the tendency to want to present themselves to their children as happy, positive and slightly mentally diminished. It takes on the form of constant smiling, laughing, talking with high pitched sounds, asking the children questions that we already know the answer to, and in general, behaving towards the children as if both themselves and the children have a limited capability to understand their reality.

I have asked myself, why is it that we believe we need to behave this way when we are with children? Why cannot we be natural, the way we behave with adults?

When I look at myself, and why I sometimes behave in the above mentioned way, I would say it has to do with a sense of inferiority – a belief that I am not good enough as I am – and that if my child is to have a good time – then I have to step up and be this super happy, smiling, laughing, clown type of person. I can also see that there is a belief within me that children are not able to appreciate a sensible, deep and grounded expression – and that they need some speed and energy to get going.

What I have come to realize by getting to know my daughter is that she is a real person – and that even though she does not look like an adult – she is able to perceive and interact with reality with the same depth as an adult. And just like any adult – it is not fair towards her to put up an act and try to be someone that I am not – further – it is not fair to myself. Because how can I create a real and fulfilling relationship with my daughter if I do not allow myself to be genuine? Children might look cute, and they might say things that are innocent and funny – though the depth of their experiences are the same as for us adults. And only because we have a different perspective, a broader view of life – does not make it less real, and it does not make us more than them. We are equals – yet we have different allocation points – and that is important to remember. Because it seems as if many parents forget this and act as if their children are stupid and their experiences are of less weight than that of our own.

What is the solution?

What helps me is to remember that my daughter is equal to me – and that I do not need to pretend to be someone else. I understand that even though she is smaller than me, and I have learned to master the areas of life where she is still learning, that does not make me superior – and in order to bond with her – I have to be genuine and take her seriously. I remind myself that it is not my place to teach, or show her some perfect example of what she is supposed to be later on, I am in her life to be a support, a guide and someone she can rely on – and to do that effectively – I have to stand as her equal. In practice – I push myself to speak with my normal, grounded voice – and I use adult words. I approach her experiences as real – and thus I take note of her and make sure that I communicate with her to find solutions – and I do not force my way only because I perceive I see what is the ‘right’ way.


Day 347: Babies

Yesterday I looked at the documentary ‘Babies’ that follows four humans through their first year after birth. Two of the babies featured in the film are from rural areas: Ponijao from Namibia, and Bayar from Mongolia. The two other are from urban areas: Mari from Tokyo, Japan, and Hattie from San Francisco, U.S.

I found the film interesting because it showed the difference between how people relate to babies and parenthood in first world countries, compared to third world countries. And one point that came through clearly was how the first world parents were more anxious, and worried about their babies, and approached the point of upbringing using intellect. For example, in the first world, the parents took their babies to ‘baby-classes’ – which is a couple of parents coming together with their babies, and with the help of a circle leader – the parents then explore a topic together with their babies. In the movie the first world babies sang songs with the parents about ‘mother earth’ for example.

In contrast, the third world babies grew up very close to the ground, and in case of the Namibian baby Ponijao, she literally grew up in the dirt, as neither the hut where she lived, or her environment provided anything else but dirt as a floor. And it was fascinating to see the difference, how Ponijaos mother was very relaxed and did not try to be or do anything more than usual. When Ponijao was born, her mother simply continued the normal day-to-day activities, yet now, taking Ponijao with her at all times. She did not try to educate or teach Ponijao anything from that stressed and anxious starting point that can be seen in first world parents, such as reading stories to make sure that the child gets the necessary vocabulary as fast as possible, so that it will do good in school later on. Instead Ponijaos mother remained stable, and when Ponijao indicated that she was ready to learn something or expand, her mother would naturally and smoothly move herself to show that particular aspect of reality. The development of Ponijao was on her premises, in her pace, not forced, not stressed, not controlled.

From what I can see, us in the first world, we have lost touch with our physical nature to such an extent that we do not anymore trust ourselves to birth and rear children, as a natural expression of ourselves. One of the reasons for this is because our lives has become removed from any deep connection with and understanding of earth. We do not grow our food anymore, or slaughter the animals we eat, we just go to the supermarket and buy what we need. And in the city, we see some trees here and there, however, we seldom get to experience and be part of a wild and expansive nature stretching a far as we can see. We are very protected from the sensations of reality, and thus, we do not create an effective relationship with the physical, and when the body births a baby, which is a natural expression of the physical body, we simply do not know how to deal with it. And try to read books, and figure out how we should be as parents, and make up plans for, and create magnificent illusions of how our future will be, without any real understanding of the physical expression of the body. And what happens when the baby is born? Oftentimes, chaos ensues, as we are brutally awakened by the reality of what it means and implies to have a baby.

If there is something I took with me from this film it is the importance of not approaching childbirth and raising a child from within and as fear and anxiety – not make it anything more than it is – not try to come up with theorems, educational tactics and other intellectual designs. Instead, to approach having a children as something that is natural – trusting the human physical body to do its thing – and then as the baby is here – trusting myself to direct each and every moment according to what is best for all. Understanding that a good education is not necessarily to learn to play a instrument, and three languages fluently, but it might instead be, to simply be with and discover reality, in a comfortable and slow pace. If the baby does not have an inclination towards reading, then why force it? The urge to control always arise from some type of irrational fear, and as a parent, it is very important to not let those fears take a hold, and begin to mold and design, and essentially limit, our child’s life from within and as those fears.

Childbirth and taking care of children are all natural parts of the physical – and us making such a big deal out of it only goes to show that we have separated ourselves from the physical – instead of standing one and equal with the physical – and walking the process of birth and parenting HERE – within self-trust.

 


Check out the following interview on parenting
https://eqafe.com/p/parenting-perfecting-the-human-race-part-1

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Day 340: Acceptance

Acceptance, generally speaking parents tend to teach children that this is something to be found externally. And sure, in some aspect they are correct, in the sense that our environment can either accept or reject us. The question however, is whether this form of acceptance that we try to win from people is real. What do I mean by real? With real, I mean that this acceptance is substantial, trustworthy, consistent, that it is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. Obviously, it is clear that the acceptance we gain from people in our external environment is very much conditional, unpredictable and shallow. Not something that we should base our life upon at all.

Acceptance in society is based upon keeping in line with and following certain norms and rules, written and unwritten, and when we do that, we will usually be accepted. However, acceptance is unpredictable, because norms change, an action, even though performed with the intention of being in line with the norms, can be perceived by others differently. Hence, defining self-acceptance in relation to others is a bad idea. If we accept and allow our acceptance of ourselves to be defined by something that is separate from ourselves, we will always be a slave to that point. The solution is unconditional self-acceptance.

Now, an interesting point to look deeper into is WHY we do not accept ourselves, but rather pursue an acceptance out there. What I have found for myself is that this issue is caused by a lack of self-value. I have as such not seen myself as being valuable and worthy enough to accept myself, and that hence, to get a sufficient amount of acceptance, I must be accepted out there as well. This is interesting, because this experience indicates that I perceive others to be more valuable, that obviously begs the question WHY? How come I do not see myself as having an equal value to others? How come I believe that the best possible road ahead would be to follow and do what everyone else is doing? Where does this pattern come from?

If we go back and look at our childhood, a common theme is that we as children are not seen as good enough to make our own decisions. Parents constantly meddles with our lives and independence, and very few children are ever allowed to explore this world by their own volition. This creates a conflict within us as young, because in-fact, as children, even though we might look and think differently, we are still very much clear and aware of ourselves and our life. We know what we want, what is good for us, what is bad for us, and who we are. However, that awareness is mostly disregarded and shunned by the adult world, simply because we are children. For me, I can see that this experience, and conflict, of continuously being told to shut up and listen to those that ‘know’ has stuck with me into adult life, and now, it is a more general experience of not valuing myself, and hence, not seeing myself as having the authority to accept myself.

What is the solution to this problem?

Accepting myself is a decision that I can make, and I clearly see that I have the value and authority to make that decision. And in-fact, that authority comes by virtue of being alive, aware, and able to create. I can make a decision as to what words that I am going to live, and there is no valid reason as to why I should not accept myself.

How can acceptance then be lived practically?

An inspiration for me when it comes to living acceptance practically is animals. They are unconditional, and regardless of what they are going, they never look to anyone else for acceptance. Animals do not have peers that they become influenced by, they stand alone, within their own expression, and stick with that, seeing the world without distractions, seeing it purely from within themselves.

Thus, for myself, I see that I can apply acceptance through not comparing myself with others, and stopping that process of thinking, where I look at myself, and something I have done, through how I believe that I look in the eyes of others. Instead of comparing myself, and placing my focus on others, I will push myself to bring my attention back HERE – and ask myself – WHO AM I within all of this? HOW DO I want to experience myself within all of this?

And another point that is also important and that I must remind myself of – is that acceptance is a decision. Self-acceptance is not something that will simply come one day, it is a decision made here, a word that is lived and applied HERE, a process of creation walked in the moment – and thus it is completely up to me whether I enable myself to live self-acceptance or not.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not valuable enough to decide that I will accept myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I do not know how to accept myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot accept myself because acceptance must come from the outside

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that self-acceptance does not exist

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be nice to others and be compliant to be accepted

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to comply, yield and give in, and change myself, so that I will be accepted by others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to comply, yield, and give in, and change myself, so that I will be accepted and liked by others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lie to myself, and immediately try to please others without looking within, as to whether it is something I want to do, or that I am able to do, because I fear not being accepted by others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making mistakes, and judge myself for making mistakes, because I believe others judge me, and others do not accept me anymore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear disappointing or vexing another by not agreeing with them, or by showing them that I have done what they expected of me to do, and thus lie in order to make sure that I am still accepted by them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define acceptance as more than me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that acceptance is something that must be given to me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that self-acceptance is something that will come by me being liked by others and accepted in my environment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that self-acceptance is something that I must gain by being nice and having many friends and a stable life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that self-acceptance is something that I get through my job

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that self-acceptance is something that I get through having money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a mental and emotional melt-down the moment when I believe/think that people are against me – that they are seeing me as a burden and as someone that compromise their physical living

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself searching for self-acceptance in my external reality, I take a breath, I stop myself and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand, that self-acceptance is something that I must create here by myself – and that I cannot ever get this through acquiring the liking of others – thus I commit myself to trust myself – to actively develop self-acceptance through stopping judgment and practicing understanding myself and finding solutions to problems

I commit myself to find solutions that problems and issues that I face – to not judge myself – but instead look at what I can do to change the problem and to find a way forward where I learn and expand and take something with me


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