Tag Archives: clothes

Day 424: Choosing Clothes

Today I noticed myself reacting to my partners clothes. She was on her way to the store when I noticed a couple of holes in her pants. I became anxious and told her that she should use a different pair of pants.

Afterwards I looked at the situation and why I had become anxious because of the condition of her pants. I could see that it was not really about her pants, instead it was about how other people would see my partner, and how that in turn would reflect back unto me. Subsequently, the fear was related to the fear of other peoples opinions, and that they would in some way, jeopardize my survival.

I have seen that my mother is very much the same way. She is very self-conscious and worried about what others think of her, even though, the thoughts and perceptions of others really does not have that much impact in her life. For example, she is keen on retaining a particular image of herself towards her neighbors, because else… Well, it is this latter part of the fear equation that does not make sense. Somehow the perceptions of others have been linked to survival, and the same fuzzy logic exists within me.

Where does this fear come from? I remember when I was younger and my parents, in particular my mother, stressed the importance of the clothes I wore. I was not allowed to wear soft pants, it had to be jeans, because ‘they look more respectable’. And the issue of clothes was mostly discussed from a starting point of fear and judgment. Its interesting, that I was never asked, for example: What clothes would support you as a being? What clothes would support you to express yourself and expand? What colors would open up your expression? What type of shoes would assist and support your body the most? Such considerations were non-existent – instead – clothes became about survival.

Thus, what I can see is that my survival is not dependent on the perception of my neighbors, and the people in the local store. I can walk to the store wearing clothes that I enjoy and feel comfortable in, and the same is true for my partner, without this compromising my standing in relation to survival. Though, at work, the way I dress and look is connected to my ability to earn money and survive, and hence, there it is relevant to be specific and exact in terms of the clothes I decide to wear. Even so, this does not justify me becoming fearful as to the opinions of others. Survival is practical, it has nothing to do with fear – and should simply be a point of logic – looking at what works and what does not – and then aligning myself according to the best possible way of movement.

Secondly, I see that its important for me to redefine my relationship with clothes, and to not accept and allow fears and anxieties to determine what clothes I wear, and how I see/look at the clothes of my partner or my child. The primary purpose of clothes is to support the human physical body and protect it from the various elements of this earth. Then, according to the context, clothes can have a variety of purposes, and hence, it is important to look at the context, look at what is here, before making decisions.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become fearful, anxious and worried that the clothes of my partner will trigger other peoples reactions, and that they are going to think badly of my partner, and that this in turn will reflect badly on me – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience fear and anxiety that these judgments might in some way make it difficult and hard for me to survive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my survival is dependent on the positive reactions of people in my environment – and that I need to be ‘liked’ to survive – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this is an idea that I have created in my mind, and that it does not make sense, in-fact, because in reality, in the physical, my income, my survival, is not directly related to what other people thinks of me – rather – it is related to my skills, my intellect, my ability to handle myself, follow instructions, process information, and work together with others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fearful of others, what they think, how they see me, that they will judge me, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make me inferior and less than, to hide myself in inferiority, to hide myself in isolation, to hold myself back, so that I will not become visible to others, and that I hence will not become judged – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it is not a solution, that it is not a valid way of handling myself and my movement in life, to hide away, to try to escape from the eyes of others, as this will not assist and support me to move and do what I require to do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fearful of what others think of me, and hold myself back, hide myself, shut myself down, censor myself, so that I will only portray and image outwardly that I am certain will be accepted by the people in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the opinions of others and judgment of others are directly related to my survival – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that it is more about context – more about where I am – and that in some contexts – the opinions and judgments of others means nothing at all – and hence I should not accept and allow myself to change and alter myself in such contexts in fear of what others think of me – but rather stand with myself and with what I know makes sense and is best for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the judgments and opinions of others, and to fear for my own survival, and to hold myself back, and act according to my fears, in the belief that I will that way survive more effectively, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that this is not the case, and that I am in-fact holding myself back

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider my human physical body, my expression, my process, the context, and all other variables involves in selecting clothes, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only consider my fears, believing that my fears are real, believing that my fears are the most important point to consider, not seeing, realizing and understanding that there is so much more

Self-commitment statement

When and as I see myself becoming fearful and anxious that the clothes I wear will be judged by others, or that the clothes my partner wear will be judged by others, or that that I resist picking clothes for myself, because I fear what others will think, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I cannot accept and allow fear to decide what I will wear and what others will wear, because clothes is about so much more, and hence, judgments and opinions of others cannot be decisive factor – I will decide what I want to wear because it is best – and act the same with my partner and my child; and hence I commit myself to select clothes according to what is supportive for me and my physical body – and stand in the same way in relation to my partner and my child – the physical and what is supportive is what is relevant – not fear


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Day 338: Have You Become A Stuff Protector?

“A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.”

George Carlin

Stuff, things, pretty things, expensive things, nice things, old things, entertaining things, desirable things, unnecessary things, all these are part of the average lifestyle of the first world country human being, from beginning of life till the end, we are overwhelmed with stuff. We value the concept of ownership tenaciously, and most of us strive to expand our sphere of ownership in various ways – mostly through career and money – but also through experiential ownership in the form of memories, spiritual, religious or adventurous experiences, thoughts, education, and more. Objectively speaking, ownership is a not a problematic or consequential concept what-so-ever. To own is simply a verb that defines the action of having physical or mental control/possession over something. However, when ownership becomes feeling/emotional-based – and when we start to define OURSELVES – WHO WE ARE – according to our possessions, that is when this lifestyle must be put into question.

I recently read an article about a wealthy person that had been part of a long and tumultuous divorce process stretching over several years – and in the process – he had lost most of his belongings to his former spouse. What I found fascinating was how this individual, even though years had passed, was still investing time, effort and energy, in pursuing more court procedures, attempting to get back the things that he had once owned. In this person, I could clearly see the disturbingly  addictive quality that money and ownership can have, where without us being really aware of it, what we value and pay attention to slowly changes from ourselves HERE – to what we own, to our things, and what we want to have, and what we already have. What takes a back seat is LIVING – and what becomes the primary focus is MONEY and expanding our sphere of OWNERSHIP.

As I read this article, I could not help but reflecting on my own life, and how I have changed in many ways similar to this person since I was young. Because, when I was younger, from my years as a baby to my later teenage years, the focus within me was more on PHYSICAL living – and as I aged – this focus slowly started to change into money and ownership. I could see this pattern playing out even clearer as my partner and I built a house together. When the house stood finished, I started to have experiences and thoughts that were previously unknown to me. For example, a mistake that had been made in the building process, the shower was not placed correctly and as I had imagined it, that started to gnaw on me, and emotions came up of regret, judgment, fears and anxieties, all because my greatest and most valuable possession (the house I live in) was not built as perfectly as I desired, and thus, was not worth as much money as I had expected.

I took a while for me to realize what was going on, and how, instead of me using and owning my possessions as a practical part of my daily life, my possessions were internally owning and possessing me through constantly being in the back of my mind.

“He who looks after, takes care of things; forgets by and by that things were meant to serve him, and it does not strike him now when he started to serve them.”

Osho

Osho made some interesting observations about ownership. One of these is how we make ourselves a slave to our things when we relate to them using emotions or feelings, and thus make them part of WHO WE ARE – and by implication – making ourselves dependent on our things to be WHO WE ARE. For example, a master can only be a master if he has a slave, if the slave disappears, the master looses the thing he used to create his self-definition – thus causing inner conflict.

What can be learned from all of this? The way I see it, the point to understand is that possessions, things, stuff, are not part of WHO WE ARE – we were not born with them and we will not be able to take them with us when we die. The house that I built, and that I now live in, the various physical parts that constitutes the house were here before I was born, and they will continue to be here when I have died, maybe in the form of a house, maybe in some different shape – in any case – the house does not define me. Sure, I use the house, I live in it, and I can appreciate the various creature comforts it provides, but it does not define me. And that is the key to joyful living – to be IN this world – YET – not OF this world. To keep our jobs, care for our possessions, tend to our bodies, yet never forget that these things does not make us.

Children are inspirational examples that show what it means to be in this world yet not of this world. Children, they are not yet defined, limited, and confined within a certain lifestyle, position, or career – they are free to express themselves regardless of where they happen to be at the moment – and that is something we should all strive to create within ourselves – the FREEDOM to express even though we happen to live in a limited system that seldom allows us to bring that point of expression into full application.

I would like to end of with sharing one important point of consideration that I have come to realize with stuff. Many seem to believe that it is the stuff we own that ties us down, makes us materialistic, egoistic, possessive, and self-interested – that makes us forget the unconditional joy we could access as children – however – this is not the case. We must not accept and allow ourselves to blame our stuff, or believe that we through getting rid of stuff can erase and change our relationship with this reality and the stuff that populates it. Because the problem is and has always been ourselves, and our relationship with ourselves. Most stuff that we desire and want are but projections of our own inner state of lack, only there because we have not created ourselves to live according to our utmost potential – and thus – our desire to consume and acquire more things is in actuality a misdirected attempt to fulfill ourselves. It is the same process that occurs when people start to mold and shape their bodies to resemble images portrayed in media, believing that by attaining such a picture perfect body image they will feel whole and fulfilled – that is not the case – it is an illusion.

Hence, if you notice movements within yourself in relation to the things you own, it is a cool cross-reference point, because then you know that there are still points to work with. A feeling of desire towards owning more entertainment gadgets could imply that you are not yet sufficiently capable of entertaining yourself, or creating an entertaining life for yourself. The correction is thus not to sell your television, but rather to look at the underlying issue that creates the experience of desire.


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