Tag Archives: commit

Day 370: How To Enjoy Hobbies With Limited Time

Being the father of a young girl, time has become a scarce resource. Before becoming a father I had time to participate in big projects and move them forward fast. That is not possible anymore – at least – I cannot do it in the same way as I used to do it. This has opened up a new dimension/understanding of creation/participation/movement that has to do with quantity compared to quality.

An example I have is my recent exploration of growing vegetables. Initially I wanted to and also tried to become self-sufficient on vegetables. However I realized that it took too much time – also considering that I have many other interests/hobbies that I want to continue. Practically speaking, there is simply not room in my life at the moment to grow all my vegetables without compromising responsibilities in other areas/parts of my life.

As I ran into this practical conundrum of wanting to do something, yet not having the possibility to do it, I began looking at solutions. While pondering various approaches, I realized that my interest in growing vegetables really had nothing to do with self-sufficiency. Becoming self-sufficient was an idea that I created, that mirrored my passion/intensity/desire to expand and learn about vegetables, earth and nature. However, self-sufficiency was not the core point. Instead, what really drove me and motivated me to invest myself in learning about and growing my own vegetables was the expressions within me that this hobby opened up.

Looking after a plant from its infancy as a seed to its blossoming into a full grown vegetable is soothing, deep and intriguing. Putting my hands into the earth, and using my body to dig and carry is rejuvenating and refreshing. That is really what growing vegetables is about to me. It is a moment of expansion into a new area of interest – an area where I have no past experience – and where everything is new and fresh – that is why I enjoy it. I also find pleasure in learning recipes, and finding ways to store the produce for a longer time. I expand when I participate in this interest – and that is the core – that is what matters. Hence – it is not of prime importance that I do as much as I can, it is however important that I put as much of MYSELF into what I am doing – that I am really HERE and allow these words/expressions to develop within me as I participate in the specific type of hobby.

When I approach my interest in growing vegetables like this I can fit it into my schedule. It does not have to be that much, though it has to be substantial. And I find this to be true of all of my interests. It is a lot more rewarding when I make sure that my commitments are in balance with the rest of my responsibilities. And then I am able to do a little, however do that small part with intensity, specificity and my total focus – and push myself to develop the soft values/expressions that are hidden within each and every hobby that is part of my life.

To sum it up: When time is scarce, instead of looking at acquiring a quantity, I move to achieve quality and to balance the hobby in harmony with the rest of my life. And instead of focusing on the amount I create, focus on the expression within me that I live as I am walking/participating while in my interest.


Hiding – Part 3

Before reading this entry – please read part 1 and part 2

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the character of not wanting to face myself – existing within and as the belief that “I am so bad – and I am so fucked up – that I can’t do anything about myself” – as such creating a escape route within myself where I think that I am able to avoid this big task of in-fact facing/seeing myself – and instead escape from this task; instead of accepting and allowing myself to see/realize/understand that this belief that I am apparently to fucked up to face myself – it’s only a excuse and justification in order to substantiate my escape from myself – while I do in-fact see/realize/understand that facing myself is what I must do – and what will be the greatest gift that I’ve ever given to myself – as it will accept and allow me to birth myself as life from the physical

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the character/living statement that I don’t want to face myself – instead of seeing/realizing/understanding that it’s stupid to not want to face myself – as the truth of myself is always here anyway, it’s just that I’ve hidden from myself – but that doesn’t mean that the truth of me is still here – and is creating my life and my experience of myself in everyway; as such I see/realize/understand that the obvious common sense is to face myself and get it over with – because that is much more simple than spending a life-time finding excuses and justifications and fighting the truth as myself as how I exist within myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that it’s a thousand times more simple/easy to face myself than to hide from myself – and that hiding from myself is in-fact hard work – and something that must go on for a eternity; while facing myself is something that must only be done once – and then the fight/struggle is over because I am clear within and as myself – I’ve faced and corrected my shit and I can now spend my breaths living instead of fighting; as such I commit myself to stop this eternal fight and instead face myself – within seeing/realizing/understanding that it will feel difficult yet it’s what is best for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that facing myself is difficult – it’s hard – and it’s uncomfortable – yet existing within a statement/character of hiding is even more hard/difficult and uncomfortable – as such it’s easy to see that the best decision for me is to face myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever see/recognize hiding as a solution – not seeing/realizing/understanding the obvious common sense that hiding is never a solution but only a form of postponement – wherein I postpone the inevitable – as such I see/realize/understand that hiding is in-fact completely unnecessary as I will have to face myself anyway – as such why hide to begin with? Why not simply take the pain and discomfort and be done with it here?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within myself to such an extent that I am not able to see how stupid my inner characters of hiding are – as they do not serve any practical/physical value at all – I simply exist as these characters because I was shown to do so – and I’ve always done so – as such existing within and as apathy accepting everything as is thinking that it’s cool – because it’s been like this forever; not accepting and allowing myself to open my eyes and in-fact question what is here – to see whether what is here actually supports a existence that is best for all – and actually supports me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that I can’t avoid facing myself – that I am in-fact facing myself even though I am hiding from myself – but that I am just avoiding to see who and what I am straight in the face from a starting point of correcting myself – and placing myself in a position within myself of changing and re-aligning myself within myself to what is best for all – to what will in-fact support/assist myself to step out of my current mind-fuck and become a self-directed – self-willed being here in every moment of breath

I commit myself to face myself – and to see/realize/understand that facing myself will be the greatest gift that I’ve ever given to myself; and that there is really no such thing as hiding from myself – but only postponing the inevitable, which is to face myself head-on – to see who and what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be and become – and to re-create myself within and as oneness and equality here as what is best for all

I commit myself to face myself and get it over with – as I see/realize/understand that not wanting to face myself is merely postponing the inevitable – and is only serving to make me and my existence a living hell; and as such I commit myself to take this problem as me and move myself into correction/perfection/alignment with the principle as what is best for all

I commit myself to face myself – seeing/realizing/understanding that I will only have to face myself once – and then it’s done – while hiding is a project that I must walk for eternity – and is a struggle that I can let myself not go through – through simply facing myself here – and walking the necessary self-forgiveness/writing/self-correction to establish myself as clear – stable – and effective within and as my application of myself here as life

I commit myself to see/realize/understand that it’s a far more intelligent decision to face myself than to postpone facing myself – because facing myself will have the outflow of me living comfortably and relaxed within my human physical body; while not facing myself will have the consequence of my living in FEAR – which is a completely ludicrous thing to have myself go through

I commit myself to see/realize/understand that hiding is not a solution but merely a point of postponing the inevitable – as such I will/push myself to establish myself as NOT HIDING – through each day writing/doing my self-forgiveness/walking my self-corrective statements – until everything is out in the open and I am done

I commit myself to not accept my characters simply because I’ve always existed as characters – and because everyone in my world has always shown me the example of living as a character – but I instead push/will myself to question all my characters as to their purpose – and what outflows they create in my life/existence – to as such only accept and allow that which is best for all within me

I commit myself to see/realize/understand that hiding is in-fact a illusion – because actually I am always seeing who and what I am within myself – it’s just that I haven’t dared to place myself in a position of changing myself – correcting myself; as such I stand up within myself and walk self-responsibility – in taking charge of myself – and changing myself – as such stopping the idea/illusion of hiding within and as me