Tag Archives: commitment

Day 296: Redefining Purpose

Creating my purpose, which is a process I have walked actively for a while now. I have from time to time experienced myself conflicted in this process, and mostly this has been related to the feeling that things are not moving fast enough, that I am not getting through, that I am not getting the feedback, and response I would like. This in turn have caused me to start to doubt the purpose I have given myself, and wonder if I am doing something wrong, or whether maybe walking into the wrong direction.

I have decided to look more deeply into this recurring experience to see where it is coming from. What I have realized is that there is an undercurrent of desire existing in my definition and understanding of purpose, and that the conflict I experience is actually consisting of a polarity of fear and desire. Now, the desire in my purpose, is to reach a state of notoriety, to be famous, known and well-regarded. You know, like an expert speaking on the television, having the loyal followers, being quoted in books, and seen all over the world as a significant figure. An example of that would be Ghandi, or Martin Luther King – the epitome of a supreme and world known leader.

In analyzing and reflecting on this point I have now realized that having, and walking a purpose, is not real, unless that purpose is walked for a greater cause, something bigger than ME – meaning: A point I create and walk in my life because I see it is of benefit to OTHERS – to this WORLD – it is hence me GIVING of myself. Purpose is not about receiving, purpose is not about ME – and this is what I have not fully grasped. For me purpose has been about becoming someone for others so that I can feel purposeful.

And I cannot blame myself for misunderstanding this, because if we look at the world, and how currently define purpose, mostly it is connected to being ‘special’, ‘unique’, having some form of ‘god given talent’ – for example: I have rarely seen someone exclaim that it is their purpose to pick up trash, or to clean horse stables, or take care of weeds. Mostly purpose, on a world system level, is defined as this great feat of human creation and confined to special and heroic human beings that have lived special lives throughout the course of human history.

Hence, I will here relook at my definition of purpose – what is really purpose?

Current definition of purpose in the dictionary

1 The reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists: the purpose of the meeting is to appoint a trustee | the building is no longer needed for its original purpose.

* (Usu. purposes) a particular requirement or consideration, typically one that is temporary or restricted in scope or extent: state pensions are considered as earned income for tax purposes.

2 [Mass noun] a person’s sense of resolve or determination: there was a new sense of purpose in her step as she set off.

Sounding of the word

Pur-pose

Poor-pose

Port-choice

Put-port

Put-purse

Purr-purse

Purr-pose

Peer-parse

Peer-pass

Purr-position

Pour-Pose

The direct translation from Swedish is End-Goal

Creative Writing

In the sound of the word, is the sound PURR – which is the sound cat makes when they enjoy something. When petted, they purr. Then we have the sound pass, purse, or pose – where posing would be a certain position you take.

So, combining these sounds and the meanings of them, we get that purpose is a pose/action/movement we walk which in some way tickles our fancies – meaning – it is something that gets our blood pumping and we purr – we cannot help it – just as the cat cannot help purring when its petted.

And then, the Swedish translation of the word indicates that purpose is also about an END-GOAL – a VISION – something we desire to manifest in this world.

Hence – the question when establishing purpose for myself should be – what makes me purr? What is personal and close to me that I am passionate about – that I can develop and take as pose – a position – in this world? And then – as well – looking at what the END-GOAL – what it is that I want this purr within me to create – how can I – PASS-I-ON this PURR to the world?

Then – we also have the sound combination POUR-POSE – basically implying that something is being poured into a particular shape and form – a pose – a force is being directed to take a particular shape and form. For example, water is being poured into a glass of water, the water then taking the pose of water in a glass.

So, what i see is that purpose is about direction – about guiding energy, and movement. Purpose is a road map for what we do in this world, and do not do – it is the very REASON behind our movement and thus why we POUR our energy/life into a certain POSE in this world.

Redefinition of the word purpose

The reason and vision that moves a point forward

And when it comes to redefining it for the human experience – where focus is on ‘life-purpose’:

The reason and vision which drives me forward to pass it on to the rest of the world

Conclusions:

Hence, when it comes to purpose, it is important to clarify what is the REASON for my LIFE. Meaning, what can I contribute and give the will make a difference and enhance the life, of not only mine, but also the lives of others? Into what POSITION can I pour my life and time?

Then, the VISION must also be established, what is it the I want to create, what is the END-GOAL?

Finally, what is my PASSION? Where and what of myself can I pass unto others that will benefit them? Where are my strengths, my secret powers, those parts of me that I see is needed in the world, and that only I am able to bring; because that is the point which is required for me to take responsibility for – hence – my purpose.

And here it is important to not that passion is NOT an experience. Passion is instead that which I see that I can PASS ON – meaning – that of myself that I see myself giving to the world; as such passion is about giving of myself and not about having an experience.

Day 254: Stealing My Time

man wearing a black cloth and a animal skullIn the recent interviews with Anu on Eqafe, the point of how much time we spend on the problems we face inside of ourselves, compared with the time we spend on establishing and living a solution within ourselves is discussed. You can download and listen to the interview HERE.

Today I faced a point within myself where this ratio of focusing on the problem, vis-à-vis focusing on the solutions, stood out clearly to me. Now, the point I was facing was in relation to time – and it is a reaction that I have been working with for some time now.

It played out as follows: I was sitting at home, and had planned to dedicate my day to studies. When I had studied for some hours my grandfather comes through the door and asks me whether I am able to follow with him to the ATM, and help him take out money. I realized that this point requires priority, and so I re-structured my plans, and decided to help him. Now, after I did that, I had a line of backchat repeat in my mind like a broken record: ‘I can’t get any peace to focus on my studies’ – and as I walked with my grandfather, and helped him, I experienced a resistance, an irritation, because I felt as if my time was being taken from me – and I wasn’t getting to that which I’d planned to do.

So, I was in this state of reaction when going with my grandfather to take out his money, which obviously wasn’t cool. And it was HERE that I see that could’ve immediately changed, and looked at what solutions there were available to me; what could I’ve applied in that moment to get out of the experience? And I can see it clearly before myself now – the solution would’ve been to talk with him, and genuinely share a moment with him, interact with him, and tend to my relationship with him.

Though, unfortunately I didn’t do that, and instead I remained within this state of feeling unjustly robbed of my ‘time’ – and the fascinating thing is that: I mostly, almost always, have more than enough time left to finish up my studies, even though I have helped, or spent time with others throughout my day. So, this stress that I experienced, that I might be losing out on my opportunity to effectively dedicate myself to my studies, it’s not real, it’s not a actual point of concern.

Thus, what happens is that I sabotage a moment of real interaction with another, because I believe that I am lacking time, not being HERE in TIME with another, but instead in my mind. And that is really the definition of wasting time, because then I am not being here with my physical, and the other person, when I am moving away from my plans to take care of a point that has opened up – and this is not effective at all.

So, in this blog I am going to focus my self-forgiveness, and my self-commitment statements on this particular issue of not being generous with my time, as well as the point of implementing, and focusing on the solutions in a moment, and not the problems.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed within and as the time-miser construct – where I will be fearful of giving anyone time, thinking that my time is precious, and that I can’t waste a single minute of my time, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this time-miser character mostly comes up when I am working, or when I have to do something in relation to my studies – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not in those moments, see that I have to push myself through my resistance, and fear of giving my time, because this fear that I experience, it doesn’t make any sense what-so-ever – and is in-fact only a illusion that I create and sustain through participating within and as stress energy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in moments when someone comes and asks me for a favor, and I feel that I can’t give off my time, that I will somehow implode and loose myself, if I was to give of my time in that moment – that it’s then and there I have to push myself to look at the point in common sense – and self-honestly assess whether or whether not I do in-fact have the time required to be with another – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within this not take into account that I have a tendency to stress myself and in that make calculations in relation to time faulty – where I will believe that I lack time – when in-fact I have plenty of time – it’s just that when I exist in this stressed out state I am not able to see that

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed within and as stress when I approach my studies, and generate this stress energy through thinking about how much I should accomplish in a certain amount of time, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I am within thinking about what I should do, and the pace in which I should do it, creating expectations on myself, that I then feel forced, and pressured into following, instead of accepting and allowing myself to approach the project of doing, and completing something, within being unconditional, and being relaxed within and as my human physical body – also within this seeing, realizing and understanding that I don’t have to run – and fight – and struggle my way through life – and that I can instead assist, and support myself to walk through life within enjoyment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as stress when I assess my time, and how I should utilize my time to its utmost potential, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise my relationship with others, and force my life forward, because I feel as if I am not moving according to the expectations I have created in my mind – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath – and move myself forward in the pace of breathing – in the pace of doing things HERE in the physical – and seeing, realizing and understand that I don’t need this experience of stress within me, in order to see what must be done, and then do it – and that I can enjoy life as I move through and deal with the various tasks that are before me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my relationship with my grandfather through participating within and as stress, and through this, resulting in me feeling that I don’t have sufficient with time to give to another, and that I can’t be generous with my time, and that I must basically, protect my time from another, to make sure that I have as much time as is possible, so that I can ensure my survival – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move myself from within and as this starting point of fear of survival

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to protect my time, and be watchful that no one steals my time, or thwarts the plans that I have made for my day, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I am within approaching my life in this way creating unnecessary conflict within myself, because I don’t have to be overprotective with my time, most often I actually do have enough time to assist and support another, as well as getting the things done, that I see I require to get done during my day, and I see, realize and understand that instead of reacting within an emotion of fear, and anxiety, I can instead look at the point within common sense, and see whether I can fit this particular point into my day, or not, without compromising my responsibilities and commitments

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that most of the times, it actually assists and supports me to take a break from my set routine, and go and do something different, such as helping out another person that is in need, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in accepting and allowing myself to balance my day with different activities, and different points, I am actually becoming more effective, and specific within the activities that I have decided to take on and walk

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself going into a reaction of anxiety, and stress, when someone asks me if I can do something for them, help them with something, and this points then messes with my schedule, and my plans, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that this way of approaching time doesn’t make any sense, because I am not actually looking at the point within myself, instead am I am reacting, and creating experiences from within this reaction, instead of clarifying within myself whether I can actually do what is asked of me or not – and thus I commit myself to take the suggestion within me, look at the practical timeline of my day within stability, and from that starting point make a decision as to whether I am able to commit to the point or not

When and as I see myself reacting in stress towards time, and I go into an experience of feeling uneasy, and I start making plans within my mind to save time, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this starting point of trying to save time from within and as a experience of stress, it doesn’t assist and support me to make practical, and grounded decisions in relation to stress, it only supports me to make hasty, and rushed decisions, where I try to escape an experience within me, and within that I miss what is actually here, and the practical considerations that I have take inside of me in order to make an effective decision in my life – thus I commit myself to slow down within myself, using my breath, stabilizing and grounding myself in my physical body, and then proceed to look at the practical aspects of the time during my day, and plan it according to the actual timeline and time movement of my day – not according to how I feel about the time I have at my disposal

Day 243: Changes

From living in the city, to living on a farm – that has been a primary point of transition that I have been walking through during the recent weeks. It has been interesting seeing how this change has influenced me, and how the experience that has been following this change is that of feeling uprooted, and feeling as if everything has been thrown into the air, a lot of parts, flying around, and not really seeing where or when they are going to land.

My own assessment of the point, and why this experience has come up within me, is due to how my routine is not anymore here. Before, I had a very strict and easy routine that I followed – and at that – I was studying and knew how many books I had to read till what date, and what places to go to, and what people to meet. My reality was settled, everything was in its place and I was to a certain degree comfortable. Now with the move, that comfort is gone, because now there is no more routine, my studies are finished, I am moving a couple of projects at the same time, and there is experience of rushing to get to something, though I don’t particularly know what that something I should get to is.

So, the purpose with this blog is basically to describe for myself what it is that I have been going through, and also to assist and support others that might be facing a similar event in their lives = CHANGE. What should be understood about change is that it isn’t a bad thing; neither is having your routines being uprooted, because these points do come with opportunities for self-expansion.

In my case, I can see that the challenge before me, and what I require to do in order to get back my grounding, is to structure and schedule my day more specifically, and decide for myself when I am going to do certain things, and when I am going to do other things. So far, I have taken it very much day by day, this approach is cool in some contexts, though when there is a lot of projects to get to, many responsibilities to oversee, many points to move – then it’s supportive with a structure – a game plan.

Though, a game plan isn’t enough, on top of having a game plan I see that it’s important for me to practice slowing down, and practice letting go of control, such as the desire to get to ‘everything’ and move ‘all points’ – and within this understand, that I can only do SO MUCH in a day, I can only get to THAT many points in a week – and taking on too much will lead to an experience of stress, and feeling of being stretched to thinly, because that is literally what is happening.

Thus – to support myself to stabilize I am going to apply self-forgiveness on the various reactions of stress, and anxiety that I have towards loosing my routine, and also support myself to establish a new routine, a schedule, and a game plan that I am following – so that I know were I am going, when I am going, and how I am going there.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear, and anxiety when my routine disappears, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become anxious, and worried that I can’t anymore with the same ease as before, evaluate, and expect when, and how things are going to develop, and how my life is going to proceed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have expectations upon myself as to how much I am to get to, and what I should be able to move during my day, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into anxiety, and fear when and as I perceive that I am not moving points as fast, and as effectively as I foresaw, and imagined myself doing, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a fear, when points doesn’t moving according expectations, instead of supporting myself, and assisting myself to stabilize, and see how I am able to restructure my reality, and my physical environment to become more effective, and aligned with what I wish to create, and how I can align myself more effectively to the physical reality, so that I am not in a state of conflict with what is real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear to the point of investing a lot of time in my home, and my living quarters, in feeling that this is stealing time from me, it’s thieving on my valuable resource of time that I must protect dearly in order to be able to create for myself my goals, and imaginations, of what I am to do in life – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into anxiety, and fear when I invest time in my living quarters, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that it’s not necessarily something bad, because at certain times you must tend to your living space, else it will deteriorate, and that would be a point of neglect, thus it’s common sense to dedicate some of your time to your home, and the place which you spend your time, so that all points are effectively cared for and works optimally

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear, and anxiety when things change in my environment, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as being, and becoming weak, due to having these experiences, thinking that it’s signifying that I am becoming old, and unable to cope with reality as effectively as when I was younger, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be gentle with myself in facing these experiences, in realizing that I don’t have to be hard on myself, and believe that I am in anyway less than others, due to these points arising within me – and instead I am able to immediately, as the experiences come up within me, look for corrections, to stabilize and ground myself and bring myself back here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in feeling destabilized when and as I change my physical environment, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to change WHO I AM, when my surroundings change, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how the key to walking within and as stability in this world, is the point of being in this world, but not of this world – to stand within me in stability and thus instead of getting into a conflict with the change that occurs around me – move with the change – move with the new environment – move with what is here around me – and realize that it’s nothing bad, dangerous, or threatening – it’s simply a point of change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into and as fear, and anxiety when I look at what is here currently in my life, and then compare it to my goals, and what I wish to create in this life, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that regardless of what physical environment I create in this life, one thing will always remain the same, ME and MY relationship with and as myself, that will and won’t ever change – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that these mental projections into the future of seeing a different me out there, they aren’t real, and thus the only place to begin something is HERE – the only place to live – is HERE – the only place to walk process and birth myself from the physical – is HERE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that life is HERE, that creation is HERE, that there is no such thing as a future within which I will feel differently due to the things that surround me, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that creating life is a process that is walked in every moment of every breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace creating myself, and my life in every moment of breath, and seeing, realizing and understanding that process and the birthing of life will never happen out there in a projection – it’s something that is walked and created on a breath per breath basis – and thus I commit myself to practice and align myself with HERE, with directing, moving and sorting points out immediately HERE

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I go into a stress, and anxiety, due to me feeling that my world isn’t effectively structured, and that I have no real grounding, and that I don’t know where I am going, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that it’s not a solution to remain in these experiences, because fear, and anxiety doesn’t assist and support me to in anyway move forward, and thus I commit myself to in that moment take breath, stop myself, and then for a moment, look at my day within me, what I have to do, and then make some basic decisions as to how to structure my day, and also within this remember, that I might not get to everything – and that this is cool – it’s okay – and nothing to judge myself for

I commit myself to become the directive principle of my own day, through learning to effectively structure, prioritize, and build the contents of my day, and within this ground myself, and remain here, realizing that it’s only me that can give myself an oversight, and a structured routine, I have to build and establish this for myself, and it won’t come by itself

When and as I go into stress, and anxiety, because I feel that I haven’t gotten to something, that I expected of myself that I would, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that this experience is an illusion, and that it’s not me that there is a problem, rather I have not assessed my time properly, or taken on too much in my life, and thus I require align my requirements of what I am to do with the actual time available to me, and practice being more disciplined in saying NO – to not take on things without really considering whether it’s practical and viable for me to walk them – and thus live the phrase – Quality before Quantity

Day 228: It won’t go faster even though I want it to

A trigger point for stress that I’ve noticed recently is when things take longer than they expect them to take. This point has opened up in relation to a university course in marketing that I’m walking.

When I decided upon taking this course, I held an assumption that it would be easy. I thought it would be one of those basic courses with a few assignments, and then an exam at the end. Usually I’ve been able to walk through such courses with ease – and it’s only been required of me to invest some hours each week for me to stay on top of things and make sure that I’m following along with curriculum.

Though, this course in marketing happened to be a course that contrary to my assumption, was big – containing many assignments, a impressive amounts of papers to be read, and on-top of that, an exam at the end of the course. Thus, what has happened is that I’m now in a position with regards to my studies, where I feel that there is too much to do, and too little time for me to invest. A consequence that has developed due to me initially having the assumption that “I will not have to spend much time on this!” – is that when I sit down to write my assignments, I go into a state of stress, and attempt to force a result to come through faster, so that it can fit with my initial idea of how much time it should’ve taken me to successfully put this course behind me.

Now, this is not an effective way to approach studies, and neither life in general, because if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that when I try to force things, it will not produce a end result that I am satisfied. On top of that, I will place pressure on myself, because I’m trying to move faster than what I’m able to move – thus creating a conflict within me. Because obviously, when I try to force a point to move faster than is possible, then this will put a strain on me and diminish my capacity to effectively walk through the material.

What are the lessons to be learned from this?

Firstly: It’s possible to plan and make an overall assessment of how things might play out in the future – but it’s not possible to make an exact prediction of how reality is in-fact going to manifest as I put my plan into action. Thus, it’s important to remain flexible, and when I notice that a task, responsibility or commitment takes me longer than what I initially thought, to then align with reality, and walk with the new conditions of my life – instead of trying to fight them.

If I was to relate this to my marketing course, the solution is that I stop trying to force the completion of the course with as little time as I initially assumed – and rather align myself with the reality of the situation, which is that I must put in more effort and time to effectively bring this to a conclusion. Fortunately my reality allows for such a change in priorities, and thus there is nothing hindering me from giving this aspect of my life more of my time.

Secondly: To create something in the physical takes the time it takes. It’s not possible to speed up the creation of a physical creation through stress, it’s not possible to speed up through thinking about how fast it should be going. For example, to cook a meal, you require a certain amount of time, and you can’t do it faster than this. If you do, then you’ll end up with undercooked food, which is not nourishing or supportive for the human physical body – and the same goes for all other physical creation points. They require a certain investment of time, and instead of fighting reality, the solution is to walk with reality.

Relating this to the situation I’m facing, the solution would be to let go of the need for things to go faster than what they are, and embrace the point of walking this course, and invest the time necessary for me to do it effectively – realizing that there is no way I can force physical reality to bend to my will of wanting things to go faster, through existing in a constant conflict within myself.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an assumption of how fast I would be able to complete and walk through my course, and then when this shows out to not be the case, go into a resistance, and not want to accept the reality that I’m facing, and then instead of aligning my priorities, and responsibilities, so that I can take care of this course, and give it the time it requires, want to fight reality, and use energy, as stress, to force myself through the course, and do it faster

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that walking in the pace of breath, means that certain points in my life that involve physical creation, can’t be forced, can’t be stressed – and here an analogy can be made to the growth of a tree – I can’t force a tree to grow faster than what it does, through for example, giving it excessive amounts of sun, or water, because both will damage the tree and instead of empowering it, diminishing it, and it will in-fact regress rather than grow – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the same applies for me in regards to the responsibilities and commitments that I’m walking – that certain points must simply take the time that they require – else they’ll be compromised

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when I try to force things, to make them move faster than what they’re able to, then I’m going to compromise the creation, and it won’t be stable, or effective – such as for example when I force the point of writing my assignments, trying to do them as fast as possible = when I do this I’m in-fact compromising the effectiveness of my writings, and thus I am missing in that a moment where I could develop my potential for writing, and expressing myself in letters, and become more effective with regards to comprehending, and then sharing information in the written word

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that quality far outweighs quantity, that doing something with presence, awareness and care, and creating a quality product, is something that I will be satisfied with, and look back at with a sense of contentedness, because I’m completing that moment, walking it to it’s fullest potential, whereas when I do things, just to get them done, focusing upon quantity, I’m going to look back in a sense of dissatisfaction, knowing that I didn’t walk that particular point to it’s fullest potential, but instead compromised the creation because I wanted to get it done faster

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that instead of fighting points that enter into my life, that requires my time, effort, and patience to be effectively walked, to instead embrace them, to see that this point comes into my life for me to direct the point, for me to express myself within this point, and learn something from it – and I’m not able to walk that process of self-growth and expansion if I accept and allow myself to hold unto, and exist within and as a state of conflict within myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be comfortable with making room for my studies, accepting and allowing myself to take the time I require in order to walk through my studies, in order to integrate the information, and to write an effective assignment – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the solution is to slow down, and to embrace life as the physical, as it comes into my world and instead of fighting life, embrace and see what I can learn, what gifts I can develop, what point I can extract and give to myself that this particular point represents

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I want to stress, and force my studies, and make them go faster than what they’re able to, I stop, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understanding that in stressing, forcing and attempting to get things done NOW – because I believe that this particular point is not worth the time, then I am missing a gift, and squandering a moment of self-creation, and not living my life to create quality, substance, and value from the points that I’m walking – and thus I commit myself to embrace the responsibilities, and obligations that enter into my life – to walk them fully, completely and with awareness – and to make the most of time – and to identify for myself what gifts I’m able to develop and create from within this particular point that I’m facing

When and as I see myself wanting to force the process of physical creation, because I perceive that I don’t have the time to walk it effectively, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that when I try to force physical creation, the results are not effective, and instead of fulfilling the potential of a moment, I’m barely evening involving myself, because in my mind, I’m already at the next point that I perceive I should be doing – and thus I commit myself to ground myself here – and to practice walking with full awareness with the point that is here before me and what I’m doing – and not be distracted by how much or little time I perceive that I have – rather align my priorities so that I have sufficient with time to walk the responsibilities and obligations that enter into my sphere of influence

Day 208: You Can Be Productive Without Stress

There are certain aspects of my world that will function as a trigger point to go into stress – one of these is my morning ritual – which will start at about 6 in the morning and then end at about 9 in the morning. Usually what will trigger the stress response in me is preparing my breakfast – this is a even that takes time and it takes time from what I perceive to be a more important activity – and where I should be at that time – which is at the library writing my thesis.

Though what is fascinating is that even though I get to the library a little later than usual, I will still have amply of time to write my thesis, and at the end of the day I will have been able to cover a lot of ground, and do pretty much what I set out to do – even though I was a little late. This proves one thing – that stress isn’t a real consideration – it’s not a real experience – it’s not an actual understanding that there is a lack of time – it’s instead a emotional response to a certain situation and nothing more.

Because usually I tend to believe that stress relates to what is going on in my physical realitymeaning that my stress has some form of justification – because I am running late and this will mean that certain consequences are going to flow – though stress doesn’t have those qualities of a real measurable insight into the functions of physical existence – it’s just an energy.

So, in looking deeper at what it is that triggers this stress, it’s the idea that in not getting to the library early enough, I am going to miss out and not be able to produce a sufficiently effective thesis as I’d hoped to do – so getting to the library becomes a matter of survival – becomes a matter of struggle where I fight against the time and try to avoid time from taking over my life.

In order to stop this stress I must stop the polarity of good and bad that rests in the depths of this experience – the idea that my life and future can either have the perfect outflow– where everything goes smoothly and in accordance to plan – or the most horrible outflow – where things turn to shit – I don’t get to spend a single hour at the library – and from there everything becomes crap. Instead it’s to understand that yes – I might be half an hour late – though there is no particular consequence to that – if I really require to I can just stay half an hour more at the library – or I can put in some more time during the weekend if I see that my thesis is moving to slowly – meaning: There are REAL solutions – there are REAL ways to deal with this point – and stress is not one of them and thus it shouldn’t be my automatic point of rendezvous whenever something doesn’t work out as I’ve hoped it would – instead the point that I go to should be a solution.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create this perpetual experience of stress within me towards living in and moving myself in the world system – towards following schedules, times and tables, and towards making a living for myself – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate waking up in the morning – starting my day – making my breakfast – and looking at my day as to what I must move and get done – through the eyes of survival – through the eyes of stress and anxiety – instead of looking at my life, my responsibilities and commitments within and as practical common sense

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate my schoolwork – and my responsibilities in relation to money and survival with fear and stress – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize stress at a motor and motivation within me to drive me forwards – and to believe that the sole way of making headway in this world – of making it in this reality is through stress and fear – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to initiate stress in the morning – and then to hold unto this stress throughout my day – believing that this is what must be done for me to get anything done whatsoever

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto a self-distrust – wherein I believe that unless I have energy as a motivator – that unless I have energy as something that drives me forward and creates me life for me – that I won’t do anything whatsoever – that I won’t move myself whatsoever and that I will get nothing done – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of stress – and resist fully and completely letting go of stress – and moving myself in equality with and as my human physical body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice slowing down when moving myself in my physical world – and dealing with my responsibilities and commitments – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto stress and anxiety as a valid motor for me to get forward and to do what I need to do in my life – and believe that a life without stress is a life that won’t move forward – and to believe that a life without thinking about what must be done next – and pushing myself to as fast as possible be done with these small responsibilities in my world to get to the next – that this is what counts

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not move myself in my world within and as the pace of breath – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not move myself slow and with patience – moving through all the points in my world with awareness and presence – getting to know all the points in my world because I move with them slowly and specifically and I don’t haste through them to get somewhere else – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that one of the key aspects in learning – and in expanding – is actually slowing down – because in slowing down I will be able to see more

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate being productive and effective to stress – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that in order to be productive and effective – in order to get headway and move things along – I require to go into stress – I even must go into stress because apparently without that I can’t be productive and effective – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I can push and will myself to be productive and effective here within and as breath – realizing that productive is me moving myself with my physical to produce – which is a physical act – and being effective is me doing that physical act with awareness, presence and specificity – and thus is also a physical act – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that stress doesn’t support me or enhance me as being productive and effective

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that believing that being effective and productive requires fear and stress is in-fact a misconception – and that the proof of such a point is nature – as well as the physical forces that operate – as these are always producing – always effective in their movement – yet they move solely with their physicals – and there is no mind – no stress – thus proving that what matters is physical movement – and not stress as an emotional experience

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that what matters is matter – and me moving and directing myself as a physical being in matter – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that to create myself in the physical and to create my world – I require to be herepresent and aware – and stress will not help me in that regard – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I will be able to create my life fully without stress – that it’s a question of what I physically do – not what type of experience that I have and hold unto

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into stress – and to associate the decision of studying or working with going into stress – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately as I approach something that is related to money – to the system – to work – or a similar point – to go into stress – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the system of money intrinsically must create this stress in me – and that it’s something unavoidable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it is I creating the stress that I experience – and that I’m doing through association – and thus I commit myself to change my association – to change my self-definition in the things that I do – to change my relationship to the things I walk in my life – to change studies from being something that I do to get through the system and survive – something that I do as a point of self-expansion and self-movement – and change work into me moving myself physically go give another as I’d like to receive – to produce in this world on a physical basis here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not deliberately change my way of waking up and initiating my morning – and make it something grounding – supportive and stabilizing – to find ways that I am able to ground myself and stop stress as it arise within me – and thus not accept and allow stress to become the defining experience of myself as I walk throughout my day

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I am going into a state of stress as I wake up and start my morning, or begin my studies, or take on my work, I stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this stress comes up within me as a habit – as automated response to a particular dimension in my life that I am moving myself into – and that it’s completely unnecessary – and thus I commit myself to give myself a moment to breath – to slow down – to smell the air and feel my surroundings – to calm myself down and move myself back into my physical body and feel my breath

When and as I see that I am going into a state of stress, as I look in my mind and see the various responsibilities and commitments that I require to engage myself within throughout the day – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that it doesn’t support me to go into this state of stress – that I don’t get more done – that I can be productive and effective without stress – and thus I commit myself to slow down – to give myself a moment to breathe and ground myself in my human physical body – and then I will myself to walk and do one thing at a time – to follow my to-do list and walk the various practical aspects of my day in the physical – seeing realizing and understanding that the physical is in-fact all I require to move myself through my day and get done what is required to be done

Day 177: Chasing Time Instead of Being In-Time

I will in this blog continue to look at stress, and specifically how I tend to accept and allow thoughts, and backchat that have the nature of stress, in moments throughout my day, that accumulate to become a full-blown possession, and physical experience of stress.

What I’ve seen is that one particular thought pattern that I accept and allow has to do with my studies, and it’s in relation to placing a particular amount of time into my studies each day. During the initial semesters in the education that I am currently walking, there was a fast paced tempo, and it was many times necessary for me to sit down each day and study for several hours in order to keep up with the curriculum and learn that which was required to be learnt. Now, when I am walking the final semesters, and I’m soon done with the education, the pace have significantly dropped, and the tempo is not anymore has demanding – yet still – I hold unto a sense of stress and pressure within me, that unless I put down a certain amount of time each day into my studies, I am not going to be able to make it, and walk through my education sufficiently effective; thus there is a misalignment within me in regards to the actual time and energy I require to put down into my studies, and how much time and energy I believe I require to put down into my studies.

Though, I’ve actually found throughout my educational years, that it’s been a very cool point to put in more time and energy than what has been required to just to get through, because that has allowed me to expand, and to learn more, and to become more comfortable with the field of study that I’ve chosen to pursue. So, the problem is not really that I am putting in to much time, the problem is rather, that I’ve connected an experience of stress, and anxiety in relation to time, and created a belief that I absolutely need to put down a certain amount of hours each day – which leads me into a form of chase for more time – where I experience myself as if I am fighting against time, to make the most use of my time, and to get the most out of my time.

It’s fascinating; because the consequence of chasing after time, in order to get more out of time, is that I am not using my time effectively – why? Well, when I am chasing time, the chase, and the attempt to be effective with my time, that is my priority – and what takes the backseat in such a application is my actual usage and living with and within the time that I have available. So, instead of me being fully focused, clear, and stable HERE with what I am doing – fully into and immersed in the point of studying, reading, or learning – I am instead in the experience of stress as chasing time, and attempting to gain more time; which obviously then compromises my ability to learn, and use time effectively.

The interesting point that can be learned from this is that when I perceive that there isn’t enough time, and I am chasing time, what am I then doing? I am actually creating that very point, and manifesting such a shortage of time in my life, which leads me to compromise what is important, relevant, and required to be done in my life – thus – what I see that I must do, is that I must stop chasing time, and instead use the time that is here, and be present with every moment, and walk with time, and stop myself from chasing time – because chasing time is in-fact me making a statement that there is not enough time, and in that creating such a shortage of time – instead of standing within the point that time is HERE – and thus there is sufficient with time for me to deal with my responsibilities, walk my education, and expand myself in my fields of interest – because that time is HERE – it’s just that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to use it through being present, aware and stable.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to chase time, and exist within and as a starting point in my life, and living that there is a shortage of time, that there is a lack of time, and that I as such must always run after, and attempt and try to save time, and make more time for myself – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when I exist within and as a starting point of chasing time, I am actually creating for myself a shortage and lack of time, because I am not accepting and allowing myself to practically USE the time that is here effectively and specifically

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move myself from within and as a starting point of thinking that there is not enough time for me to move myself through my life, and thus I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become stressed and worried, that there is not enough time for me to expand myself in relation to my education, and to deal with, and care for, and walk my commitments, and responsibilities, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it is that I am limiting myself, and holding myself back, and creating a shortage of time for myself that is completely unnecessary, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that if I accept and allow myself to slow down, and move myself within and as breath, and walk each moment fully, that there is sufficient with time for me to move through my day, to care for and attend to my commitments and responsibilities

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when and as I make the statement within me, that there is not enough time, I am actually creating that in my life, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a lack of time, to create stress within me in believing that I don’t have time to care for my responsibilities, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that when and as I align myself within and as my human physical body, and align my starting point, so that I am here in every moment, capable, and present to take care of and direct the points that are here in the moment, then there will always be sufficient with time – because I am directing myself HERE looking at the moment and making the necessary decisions to make sure that my life moves according to what is best for all – thus I stand able and directive here instead of going into stress and worry and fearing loosing time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear loosing time, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept and allow thoughts in my mind, wherein I state that I don’t have much time today, how am I going to get done everything I’ve on my schedule today? And thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when I accept and allow such a thought to be the starting point of my movement, then I will create that lack of time within me, and I will move throughout my day in stress, resulting in that I walk points haphazardly and without going in-depth and moving through as specifically as is required – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bring myself back here to and as my human physical body, to slow down, and to walk moment by moment, breath by breath, and deal with the responsibilities and commitments that arise HERE – and not project myself into my future and trying to live my life in my mind instead of living here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to delude myself into believing that I can get things done through thinking about them, and planning them in my mind, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, the simple, and basic common sense that in order for me to be effective in my life, and walk each moment fully, I required to be fully present here, fully immersed in what I am doing, fully concentrated, fully aligned with and as my human physical body and the point that I am currently caring for or walking – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not immediately stop these projections, and instead move myself to walk through and direct the responsibilities that I have in my life – and get the things done – that I’ve decided upon to get done throughout my day

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust my projections, and believe that when I project myself into my day, and imagine myself doing and walking through my responsibilities and commitments, that I am then actually doing it, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand the basic common sense, then when I am somewhere in the future, when I am somewhere out there in a projection doing something else but being here with and as my human physical body, directing myself to care for and attend to my responsibilities, then I am not effectively caring for and directing, and taking care of my life here – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath, and bring myself back here – and move myself on a breath per breath basis – to move myself from moment to moment – and trust myself that I will walk and direct this moment here fully and as is required – and that I don’t need these projections to come up in my mind and live my life for me – I can live and direct my life here instead

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust stress, projections, imaginations, and ideas of time, and how much or little time I have, more than myself here – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as being inefficient, and insufficient, in terms of being able to take care of, and direct my life here as breath, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hesitate, and fear stepping out of stress, and stepping of the character of creating projections and future imaginations, in believing that I need and require those forms of mind-participation in order to survive and care for my life effectively, not seeing, realizing and understand that I am in-fact able to stand as, and walk, and live those points myself – and that I accordingly don’t require this energy coming up within me, saying to me, and showing me where I should go, and how I should live, and participate in order to make something out of myself

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I go into a state of being, or think to myself that I don’t have enough time, and that I am lacking time to take on, or walk a particular point, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that in saying within myself that I lack time, and within that start moving myself from a starting point of stress, and chasing time, I am actually creating that very lack, and that very ineffectiveness in terms of using my time here, and thus I see, realize and understand that in order to use time effectively, and have time to walk through my responsibilities, I require to be stable within myself, and look at time practically, not within stress, or anxiety, or worry – but simply seeing time here as what it is – as a certain amount of breaths that I throughout my day that I will be able to live and create within – and thus I commit myself to walk from moment to moment – to deal with my responsibilities and commitments in full presence and awareness of myself here – and to be fully immersed and give complete attention to what I am doing here – and thus USE my time effectively and specifically – and not squander my time through stressing, worrying and thinking about time – instead of living in time here

I commit myself to be in time – through standing equal with my breath – standing equal with the movement of time as the physical here – and thus I commit myself to slow down and walk breath by breath – and moment by moment – to assess my world and my life according to what is required to be done – and direct my life in this moment HERE – and not direct myself from a starting point of lack of time – and chasing time – in an attempt to attain more time

Day 160: Living By the Principle of What is Best for All

Living by the principle of what is best for all – guiding me in thought, word and deed to always in all ways direct problems to the best possible out come for all

In relation to some decisions that I’ve had to make recently, I’ve seen how this principle above, hasn’t been implemented fully in my life yet, which results in me often being very ambivalent, and uncertain about decisions, future play-outs, how I am going to live, and what I am going to do – simply because: There are so many directions, ways and paths, and no unifying principle that I’ve allowed myself to use to guide myself in the decisions.

Thus, I realize that I can practice this principle, particularly in relation to career decisions, because this is something that I’ve looked at through a glass colored with my own preferences, fears, desires, and expectations, instead of looking at what would be best for all. When I look at my future, what I can do, where I can place myself, and how I can live my life to its fullest potential, its actually quite easy to see where I can make the most of myself and my life – when I remove the personal the decision becomes much more easy to make.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make decisions through looking at what would be best for all, and as such I see, realize and understand that decision making becomes complicated when I involve the mind, as my desires, fears, preferences, etc. and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not make myself clear within, breathe, and look at all the information involved within and as a decision, and look at it not from a point of personality, but rather look at it from a starting point and perspective of what would be best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not look at my future, my career, my life, from a starting point of what is best for all, and I see, realize and understand how much more simple it becomes to make a decision, and to look at where and how I can place myself in my world, when I do it objectively, and when I do it without my personal preferences coming into play, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not when I look at my future, and decisions, and points to be walked, to do so HERE, without my personal preferences, to instead look at what would be best for everyone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not look at myself, my skills, my potential, and my abilities, not from a starting point of “what can I get out of it” – but rather look at what this world, this physical reality, and humanity can get out of me, and how I can place myself in the most supportive and effective position that would be meaningful, and have purpose, and that would support and nurture others in their process of creating for themselves a life in this world that is dignified

Self-commitments

I commit myself to, when and as I am making decisions, looking at my future, to be objective, and look at how I can place myself in such a way that would be best for everyone involved, that would lead to the biggest maximal impact, and affect the most change, and as such I commit myself to be objective, and look at myself and this world from a starting point of being objective, and looking at what is best for all, and releasing my personal preferences, desires, wants and needs