Tag Archives: communication

Day 403: Directing Conflicts

The theme of my week has been conflicts, primarily in relation to money, however it has also touched other subjects. It has been interesting, because I have been both on the receiving end of criticism and complaints as well as on the giving end of criticism and complaints. Having had a taste of both worlds – it opened up some interesting realizations.

I realized that the normal way we tend to approach dissatisfaction with products/services is by anger/frustration. We feel harmed and unjustly treated – and we approach the other person in that state of anger/frustration and discontent. Oftentimes this results in more conflict, more irritation, more anger, and more confusion. We start to fight instead of coming up with solutions – and we believe that the other person is out to get us – instead of seeing that it could be a honest mistake – and that we could potentially have a mature, and stable discussion about what we are unsatisfied with and find a solution together.

A better way to approach conflicts is by being humble, being open to hearing the other perspective and being open to consider solutions that are mutually effective. Disputes where both parties decide to go full on for their own desired outcome with no quarters are really destructive. In a best-case scenario, one of the parties’ wins – in a worst-case scenario – both lose. Fighting, it always creates losers, which is why it is pretty fascinating to see how often we choose this route. And it is not because of reasons that we can explain rationally, it is because of how we feel – and we seek our perceived version of justice through the conflict. The problem is that we seldom see the problem, the area of conflict, with any clarity because everything is very much shrouded by our own self-interest – and having regard and empathy for our opponent can in such a case feel like a weakness. Though it is the ability to keep a cool head and place ourselves in the position of the other party that will allow us to find a solution that is going to work both for the other and us.

Another difficult emotional experience that can make conflicts hard to solve is idea that we have to stand by our feeling of being wronged because it is a matter of principle. The problem is that the ‘principled’ party is unable to consider anything else but their own principle, or rather, their own emotional experience. The ‘principled’ party will thus seldom be able to expand their seeing to take into consideration the other party as well – and will oftentimes stick to their demands stubbornly. And there will be a great fear of letting go of the emotional experience because of the belief, that if we do, then we have admitted defeat. That is obviously not the case. Defeat is subjective, and in the case of conflicts, defeat would be to not find a solution that is effective and works for both parties.

Conflicts are a natural, recurring and big part of social life. It comes through in nearly all type of relationships, whether with humans or animals. Learning to deal with conflicts is because of that an important skill to acquire. A basic component of dealing with conflicts effectively is communication. I would say that bad communication and the consequential misunderstandings are the prime reason for the creation and continuation of conflicts.

Recently I have watched a Danish TV series that is about a collective with young people that are brought together in order to research their personalities and behaviors. Naturally, many conflicts, emotional experiences and misunderstandings occur. For example, two people initiate a sexual relationship hurriedly. One of them does not see a future with the relationship, the other falls in love. Neither of them communicates their experiences. Thus the one that is not interested in continuing feels bogged down and stalked and the one feeling in love feels rejected and becomes increasingly sad and emotional. And the conflict is created because neither party communicates about how they feel, their intentions and their aspirations.

The reasons why we decide to not communicate in such situations probably differ from person to person. If it would be me, I would most likely hold back because of fear of being vulnerable. However others might not share their experience because they believe the other person already knows. Sometimes we become so lost in our thoughts, and they become such a big part of our life, that we believe that everyone else has access to them as well. However, that is not the case. In order to break through and find solutions we must dare to be vulnerable and also understand that we cannot expect anyone to understand unless we have communicated and clarified our position. It is basic common sense and still it is normal to lack such basic skills of communication.

Another example that read of in a book about learning how to negotiate is the following. Worker A is pissed off because his chief B always selects him to lead the one of the most physically exhausting undertakings. He thinks that B is singling him out and is punishing him. Thus A decides to contact his union and refuse to follow orders. B on the other hand reasons that because A is one of is best and most trusted workers, he chooses A to head the difficult undertaking, because then B knows that the job gets done. This is a clear-cut example of how the lack of communication creates conflicts. If A would have voiced himself and if B would have explained is reasoning, there would most likely not have been any issue between the two.

Thus, to summarize: To avoid conflicts, effective communication, empathy and openness are required. We must embrace the possibility that the other party is not necessarily evil, but that there might be a misunderstanding or a miss-match of expectations. Through communication we are able to find and resolve differences and establish solutions that work for both parties.


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Day 393: Talking Back

In my experience, one of the more destructive patterns in a relationship is the desire/urge to TALK BACK when feeling mistreated/hurt/diminished/unjustly treated. It is a problem to talk back in such instances because I am not entirely stable – and hence my words will be smudged with energy – some of them will not make sense – and they will result in a counterattack from the opposite side. For me, it is has felt like talking back is something that happens automatically, it is something that I really cannot help, or something that I just have to do in order to make sure that I protect myself effectively. These are the justifications that I have used to accept and allow talking back – because really – talking back is a very obvious phenomenon – with clear consequences – it is easy to see when I am talking back and all that would be required is to STOP.

However, I found that even though the pattern of talking back is obvious, it is difficult to stop, and the main reason for this I have found is COMPETITION – I do not want to lose! I do not want to be the one that falls flat on the ground. The problem as such is not talking back in itself – the problem is that I am competing and believe that the words of the other person has real impact, real weight, real power over me and my value as a person, and that I have to ‘strike back’ in order to make sure that the field is equalized and that I am not fighting from a position of inferiority.

Thus – a solution in these moments when I experience an urge to talk back it to remind myself that there is NO competition – the idea that there is a competition only exists in my mind – and as such – I do not have to shape my life around this misconception. I do not have to defend and protect myself when it comes the words others use – it is most definitely an illusion that there would be such a need. And hence – instead of talking back – I can breath – ground myself in my physical – and VOICE myself. And the focus of my VOICING would be to remain stable and calm – and to stick with common sense and with what I see is best – and not for a moment accept and allow myself to fall into the quagmire of competition.

And let us say that I fall and notice that I begin to talk back –  here I still have an opportunity to stop – I still have an opportunity to ground myself – to remind myself that it is about MYSELF and that talking back is completely meaningless – because – what I am I trying to accomplish? If I now manage to win this illusory competition – will I get a price? Hardly. Will I feel better about myself? No, because there will still be a on-going conflict between me and the other person. Hence – if I want to WIN for REAL – the solution would be to stick with my stability – stick with my common sense – remain stable – and VOICE myself – standing as an example in that moment of dealing with a conflict situation in a mature way.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to protect myself in situations of conflict – to believe that I have to defend myself and push the other person away in situations of conflict – to believe that I have to use words to convince myself and the other person that I am not losing – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not remain stable – breathing – understanding that words cannot bring me down

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to talk back trying to win in a illusory competition in my mind – where I think that the words of another can diminish and dis-empower me and that I hence need to be prepared and ready to fend of any attacks and injustices with voicing myself loudly – and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in fending of – that in fighting – that in trying to win and protect myself – I am entirely missing the point of finding and establishing a solution – and obviously that is where my attention should be at – what is the solution in this conflict? What is the direction ahead? How can we move forward in order to create a sustainable solution that is best for all? Those are the questions that should be asked within me – and answered in how I voice myself in that moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not place my attention and focus on SOLUTIONS – what is the SOLUTION? How can I move forward? And hence – deliberately and actively move myself away from thinking that I am in a competition and that I need to fight – to will myself to win – to defeat all competition – and to understand within this – that the solution is to make sure that I am stable and that I look at what is best for all and do not lose myself in self-interest

Self-commitment statements

When and as I am in a conflict-situation and I want to talk back, or I have already begun to talk back, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that talking back will not solve anything, talking back will not protect me, talking back will not give me anything, talking back will not produce anything of value in my life – rather – in order to have value within me and my life – I require to remain grounded and speak COMMON SENSE – speak what I see is best for all – FOCUS on solutions – and understand that words cannot harm or hurt me – and hence I COMMIT myself to VOICE myself – to share solutions of common sense – and to stick with my stability – and to STOP speaking if I notice that I am talking back – and then remove myself – and stabilize myself – and then return to the topic at a later stage – if necessary – within stability

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Day 125: Communication, or the Lack Thereof

Today a situation occurred which was a outflow of primarily two points: ineffective communication and an ineffective definition and living of the word responsibility.

miscommunicationTo give the general outline of the situation, it was as follows: I have taken on a particular responsibility wherein I have pledged to assist and support with a particular point. Walking this point I have come to see that there isn’t that much to do, meaning, there was no need for what I had pledged to assist and support with. I discussed this with the beings involved, and we came to some sorts of agreement to spend less time on the point, because there wasn’t much if anything at all to be done. Thus, here I see the first issue – there was no clear cut agreement made as to how to direct this particular point – there was a vague agreement but no clear understanding between all participants; such a opaqueness is bound to create conflicts.

In deciding to spend less time on this particular point, there was a couple of points I didn’t take into consideration, one of these points was that as a part of the commitment, I had to be located at a particular place, at a particular time, in order to answer a phone – because the phone had not been ringing I simply disregarded and within that didn’t look at how we particular commitment I had walked into involved answering and taking responsibility for the phone-activity. Thus, here I see that I compromised in regards to responsibility – as I didn’t take full responsibility of my decisions, to see all potential outflows and effects of my decisions, and instead disregarded the phone point and opted to stick with my decision to spend less time on the point.

I am able to see that the reason there was no clear cut communication to begin with, was partly because of how I approached the point – I didn’t see myself as fully responsible – and instead I projected the responsibility of the point unto another participant in the group, and sort of made him “the responsible one” – this as well is a fascinating outflow of ineffective communication – who is really taking responsibility for this point? Regardless, it all comes down to responsibility, because if I had been taking self-responsibility, I would have clarified who is responsible for what, and what is my specific role in this point? What am I expected to do and not do? I mean, I didn’t take the communication to that final point – and I in that I didn’t clarify for myself my starting point in regards to taking on the commitment – and in that clarifying – Who I am in regards to this particular point.

What I have realized thus, is the importance of clear communication, the importance of being aware of the context, and the importance of clarifying any vagueness and obscure situation – so that I know who I am – what I am to do – what others are to do and not to do – that is the solution to end conflict and make participation between human beings effective and rewarding.

I see that I am able to practice this, through when I walk points in my world, make commitments, and collaborate with others, that I ask myself, what is my point here? What is it that I am walking? What is my responsibility? And is there something not clear to me? And in this make sure that when I make a decision for myself as well as with others – that it is CLEAR – unambiguous – leaving no room for interpretation – it is done.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be unclear and not specific in my communication and direction in life, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make decisions without really deciding, to communicate without really communicating, to participate without really participating – because I am not HERE – presentaware and specific in what I am doing – realizing that I am responsible for the outflow of this particular situation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create consequences in my life through not being specific with communication and making clear agreements with others in my life where I know where I stand – and I know where the other person stands – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect that things are “just going to work” – and that things will “sort themselves out” – instead of seeing, realizing and understand that unless I make something work – unless I decide to be specific – diligent – and put effort into every moment of participation – then I am going to face consequences

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be specific in my communication with myself – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make decisions without being clear – to move myself without being directive and understand what I am doing and why I am doing it – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live from within and as the assumption that things will just work out – instead of realizing that nothing just works out because I will have to make it work – I must direct the point into and as specificity – and into and as being effective – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take that responsibility

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take responsibility within myself – and make sure that every in my life – is a moment that I dedicate towards making the best of my life – and live this principle through being clear in my communication and aware and present – and direct points when something is not clear – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect that others are to direct points that are not clear – that others are to become more effective in their communication and that it is not a problem for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this entire situation developed through me not having a clear definition and understand of “who I am” in relation to the point – and this was a consequence of me not effectively clarifying my position and agreement with others through communication – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand – that the key to being “in control” of my life – is to be an effective communicator – and within this understand where I am going, understand what requires to be said, and understand that unless a point is directed through effective communication – it will not be directed at all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect that others are to direct situations for me – and that others are to clarify and make decisions for me – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take responsibility for my life – for all aspects and dimensions of my life – and within this see, realize and understand that – there is no one else that is going to do it for me – and unless I make this decision and decide to take responsibility for all points – and direct all points in my life – then I am going to face consequences – which is obviously completely and totally unnecessary – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the solution is to stand up and make the decision to take responsibility – and do so regardless of whether others walk the point or not

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for not being effective at communicating and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for not being clear in their communication and thus apparently causing conflicts for me – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the solution is not to blame others – but for me to stand up in my own life and take responsibility and ensure that my communication is effective – to ensure that there are clear and effective agreements so that no assumptions can grow – and no interpretations can be made – because there is a clear understanding – a clear and effective way forward as a structure that uphold the particular relationship that is being walked

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for others to become more specific and clear in their communication and use this as an excuse for why I am not pushing myself to become more effective and clear with my communication – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am limiting myself through waiting on others – and that I can wait forever – and that nothing will change – which doesn’t make sense because my life becomes filled with consequence when I wait with changing instead of changing immediately – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to be more aware of my communication, to be more aware of who I am, where I am, and what my points are in regards to what I am walking in my life – so that I am as such specific and exact in all the points that I have taken on – and that I walk my life certain of myself – because I am clear in my communication with myself as will as with my communication with others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the obvious common sense in all of this is that I will benefit from becoming more effective in communication – and others in my world will benefit from me becoming more effective in communication – and thus there is absolutely no reason for me to wait, and blame others – it just doesn’t make sense – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not assist and support myself – and push my communication skills to be the best that they can possibly be

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am not communicating effectively, and that I am involved in a point where I don’t have clarity and there is no clear agreement, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that without clarity there can’t be effective collaboration, and without clear agreement there will be conflict – and as such I commit myself to in that direct myself to create and establish clear agreements – so that I know my place in the structure – and I am clear on what I am doing and how I am doing it – because I have defined for myself in clear unambiguous words – my starting point – my who I am

When and as I see that I want to make a decision, but I am not clear, not stable, and not certain in regards to this decision, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that it’s pointless to make decisions when I am not stable and clear, because the decision will not be a decision but only a form of suppression resulting in an eventual conflict, and then later on I will have to deal with the point yet again, and as such I commit myself to walk the necessary effort and that extra mile – in order to ensure that when I make a decision – I am clear – I have dealt with the reactions and the experiences – I have my structure before in the form of words – I know what I am doing – and how I am going to do it – and then I walk; thus – words first as the structure – then the decision as walking the structure

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Day 120: Communication and Awareness

communicateOne point that I have worked with lately is communication and in that self-expansion. This point opened up through listening to Eqafe interviews, as well as reading the blogs from others – and what was pointed out and shared in these was how we tend to not see how little we in-fact communicate with others in our world. We instead go through our life’s taking everything and everyone for granted and even with those closest to us we seldom strike up a conversation wherein we are aware, present, here – listening and hearing what another is sharing.

The practical correction that I have applied is thus the simple point of communicating more – in particular with those people that I do meet every day but that I have not allowed myself to see and get to know. One example is the shopkeeper in the kiosk nearby where I live. I have been buying things from this guy for several years, yet not once have I asked him where he is from, whether he likes his job or not, really, I have not asked him anything at all except for the receipt. Though recently as I went to his small kiosk, I asked him some questions, really basic questions, and it was fascinating to see how much enjoyed it, and that he as well seemed to enjoy it, and in this movement I expanded myself and my world – I got to know another a little better than before, and no more was this person but a prop in my world with the sole purpose of providing me with various goods and wares.

Now I have begun to expand this point of communication to more instances in my world, and it is something that I enjoy to do very much – and I am astounded to see how much I have been missing. I have seen that there are much more to people than what meets the eye, something I did not understand before, because I never took the decision to communicate, share myself, open up, and get to know another.

This point is really but one small point in my process of discovering the physical, and I am now with more clarity able to see how much in my world that I have not seen, great things, cool things, that have been just before my nose, but that I have not noticed because I have been to busy in my mind thinking about all kinds of things. Really, there is so much to discover and see in every moment, and an interview that assisted and supported me in seeing this is the Life review Conditioned into the mind. In this interview a man shares his life of how he instead of being aware and paying attention to what is here in the physical, directed his focus into his mind – as such missing all of that which each day was around him, instead existing in repetitive and limited thought-patterns going around, around, the same subjects, same emotions and same feelings.

Thus, life really is what we make of it – because we can either align our life and living to into and as this physical world, which is a place filled with discoveries, things to be learnt, with uncountable dimensions and aspects waiting to be seen and understood – and in this living here with the physical life becomes fun, a perpetual expansion and movement, where one is actually able to develop oneself for real, whilst a life in the mind is the opposite, it is a spiraling down into limitation, wherein one after a while miss all touch with life and the possibilities that are supplied on a golden platter in every moment.

The key to life is the physical.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the physical for granted

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not pay attention to my physical reality, to not care about my physical reality, to believe that I have already seen everything that is to be seen, that I already understand the physical and that there are more important things for me to do in my mind – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the physical is a point that I have not really ever accepted and allowed myself to stand equal with and discover

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand equal and one with and as the physical, and make the self-willed decision to be here with the physical in every moment, and to notice and see the physical, to pay attention to the details, to be aware of my surroundings and accept and allow myself to see what is here, and get to know what is here – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become stuck in repetitive and monotone thoughts, and feelings, and emotions in my mind, and spend my life inside my head, instead of being here with and as the physical

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the physical for granted, take other human beings for granted, take my body for granted, and not care to get to know it, to be intimate with it, to discover it and understand it – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spend my life in my mind in a zombie-mode – wherein I am continuously thinking about things, believing that this is life and living, while really it is the epitome of limitation, and as such I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to push myself and will myself to be aware of my physical reality, of my physical body, of the physical sensations that are here in every moment – ready to be explored – ready to be known

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my mind reality is more real and valid than the physical reality, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spend all my time in my mind imaginary reality in my head, instead of standing, living, and walking with my physical reality – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value my mind more than life – more than the physical – more than life substance; and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand to what extent that I am limiting myself and holding myself back from living a effective life that is fun and enjoyable to take part in

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that in my mind I am isolated and separate from what is here, and in that state of being there is really no meaning or purpose to my life, because in essence I do not exist, I am merely entertaining myself in a illusory state of energy; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to give myself and my life real meaning and substance – through pushing and willing myself to be present – be aware – be HERE within and as every moment breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard my physical reality as non-important – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead give all my attention and focus to my mind – to exist in my mind in fantasies, dreams and imaginations of the future, or the past, and in this not see, realize and understand what it is that I am missing here – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the physical is REAL – that the physical is LIFE – and that my mind is DEATH – in my mind there exists no life as it is simply a machine created to distract me from what is real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my physical reality and world for granted, and instead spend my time, and life in my mind, wherein I am living in fantasies, in experiences, in dreams and hopes of the future, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to completely and utterly disregard and push my life away – life being the physical – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I wake up in the morning, to begin my day from a starting point of taking life for granted, of taking what is here for granted, of just getting up and starting to participate in my mind – instead of accepting and allowing myself to be aware and present and recognize the physical – feel the physical and interact with the physical equal and one

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that my mind is limited – and that the physical represents an opportunity to truly make my life meaningful and substantial, because in living with the physical, I am actually interacting and communicating with and as something real, actual, that have substance, and that have life – but in my mind there is only me – only me running after these ludicrous thoughts of no meaning or purpose – and that is something I can do for the rest of my life – unless I make the active decision to in every moment stop myself – bring myself back here – and recognize the physical – recognize life – recognize what is here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be grateful for this physical reality and the support that it supplies unconditionally – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that this physical reality makes life possible and that without it I could not have existed – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not align myself with life through in every moment being present, aware and physical – pushing myself to be practical and walking my life within and as breath – and as such not accepting and allowing myself to spend my life and my time in my mind

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am taking life for granted, taking the physical for granted, taking a moment for granted, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that taking physical for granted is ignorance – because the physical gives life – the physical supports life – the physical is life – and as such me taking that for granted implies that I am missing life – as such I commit myself to bring myself back here in every moment of breath – and stand with and as the physical – be practical – and walk within and as breath and awareness of my entire physical

When and as I see that I am, as I wake up in the morning, Immediately going into my mind, and I immediately start to think instead of being HERE – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that life is HERE with the physical and not in my mind, not in experiences, not in thoughts, not in pictures, it is here – before my very eyes; as such I commit myself to stand up within me and align myself with life as the physical and as such wake up HERE as breath within and as the physical

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Day 68: Response Seeker Personality

School have started again, and this implies meeting new people, it implies working together with new people, and this is obviously a very cool time to face various reactions within myself.

For anyone reading this blog, remember that this blog and everything mentioned within it is not to feed sensationalism, or blame; meaning – when I mention situations it’s not because the situation in itself is important, but because it’s effective to clarify the context of the situation because that opens up a door into one self to see how it is that one created the particular pattern one is working with.

mouth-to-screen-to-earSo, I am writing this to make it clear that my writings are in no way a matter of placing importance on the persons, but what it’s important is to face the various patterns existent within myself, and these patterns aren’t personal at all, they are merely deeply rooted misaligned assumptions of how this world functions, that have for the most been created in the early child hood. Thus, here in this blog I am working with taking a part, and walking through such misaligned points, to bring them back here into the physical and align them with effective vocabulary to not anymore be in conflict with reality.

Okay, today I will work with a particular pattern that came up while I was sharing myself with some friends in regards to some points that I’ve investigated. Now, as I shared my findings I experienced myself proud, and good, because I was sharing and giving of my hard work, where I’d proved myself and been able to produce some material. So, the reaction came up when I’d shared myself and my friends responded to me. Because they did not respond as I hoped, but instead I felt that they ignored me, and didn’t hear me out properly; and in that moment I immediately went into a fear, and a sense drawing myself back within myself in order to protect me, and make sure that I wasn’t harmed.

So, what happened was that I judged myself, and went into a fear, and isolation because I didn’t receive the particular response that I desired – and obviously that is completely limiting.

Now, I listened to a interview today that walks this point of taking things personally – and you can buy it here, which I really suggest that you do https://eqafe.com/p/making-things-personal-reptilians-part-223

Accordingly, this is the point I will work with today – taking it a part and releasing this possession within me through self-forgiveness, and also designing effective solutions to correct the points.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make things personally, and to limit myself through, when I am speaking, to desire and want, and need a particular response from the people I am speaking with, as a response where I feel accepted, and as if they’ve listened to me, and as if they’ve considered what I’ve said as being effective

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself in communication through wanting and desiring a particular response, and to get something back when I say something, within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that this is limitation because it implies that I fear speaking unconditionally, and that I fear speaking without controlling myself, and making sure that there is a point of sensationalism in my words, and that I will be accepted when I speak

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I share, speak, move and direct myself, to hold unto a hope that I will be accepted, and that I will be positively embraced by another as the words that I am speaking, and sharing; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit and hold myself back in my speaking, to only say such things that I know will be received with a sense of positivity, and a sense of feeling satisfied, and feeling good

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself, and perceive myself as having said something that is wrong, and that is not okay, when it is that I share myself, and I don’t receive a positive feedback, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus on judging myself instead of me speaking, and sharing myself, and thus focus on how others receive me, instead of me speaking, and sharing, and directing myself effectively here; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my focus, attention, and presence be outside of myself, somewhere out there, instead of my presence, attention, and focus being HERE with me in every moment of breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself back in sharing and expressing myself with others, because I fear that I will not be received as I hope, and that I will not be thought of, and considered, and spoken to, as I hope; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that to exist within worry, and fear of how others will experience me will limit me completely in my movement, and expression of and as myself, wherein I will only do that which I hope that others are going to respond positively towards, and not accept and allow myself to in-fact be me, and express myself self-honestly

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not accept and allowed myself to express myself self-honestly, and to make it simple to be me in the moment, wherein I simply share myself, direct myself, and accept myself, and I stop holding unto this sense of me feeling that “it’s not quite right” and that “there is something I am doing wrong” – and that “I must change something about myself to become better than, and more than” – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself the gift of simply sharing, moving, and directing myself here within and as breath; realizing that in the simplicity of breath I am able to find myself, share myself, and be here with my physical body and express myself self-honestly

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that if I have any reaction to how others respond to what I say, and how I share, and move myself, then this means I am still limited, and I am still existent within and as fear, and that I still want and desire to be accepted, acknowledged, and considered in some kind of positive light by others; within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that I mean letting myself release this pattern will allow me to be me, and to express myself unconditionally regardless of with whom I am, or where I am, and that my focus is not upon being accepted by others, but it’s upon me sharing, and expressing, and enjoying myself here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that in allowing myself to speak unconditionally, to speak as me here, I don’t require another to accept me, because I’ve already accepted myself, and I don’t require another to respond positively to me, because I stand stable within who I am, and I don’t accept and allow myself to be moved, directed, or influenced by another’s experience; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath, bring myself back here to the physical – and accept and allow myself to align myself with my human physical body, in realizing that HERE is the key for me to share and express myself as myself, because my body is a direct connection to HERE of the physical as LIFE as in-fact expressing myself as what is best for all in every moment of breath here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not understand that freedom, and fulfillment is not found by being able to be liked by others, it’s not found by finding, and establish “my point” in this system, as various possessions that I am able to define myself towards; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bring myself back here, and realize that they key to effective living is in-fact a decision in every moment, wherein I decide who I am, I decide my direction, I decide my movement, I decide my way forward and I don’t accept and allow myself to be contained, and limited within and as fears, anxieties, and various points of and as the mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that safety is not to be accepted by others, I mean that is not safety, to search for being accepted by others is a form of paranoia, in believing that self is apparently to weak to stand alone, and that self is always in need of, and require the acceptance of the group, and to have positive relationships in one’s world to build one’s self-definition; and within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand, that in standing here as breath, steadfast, there is not fluctuation of energy, there is no search for something more than, because everything is here, and then I simply move and direct myself to express myself here within and as breath as the physical

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am going into and as a state of searching for a particular response from others, and that I change myself, and mold myself to make sure that others think of me in a particular way that I choose, and decide in fear of being disliked; I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this is self-limitation, and that living in the response-seeking-mode is in-fact me slowly killing myself because I don’t accept and allow myself to live unconditionally, to live here, and to live without withholding myself within me in a state of inferiority, and fear; as such I commit myself to focus on living in every moment, to focus on me sharing and expressing myself, and not unto how others might experience, and feel about me sharing, expressing, and moving myself here

I commit myself to stop my paranoia of fear of not being accepted, and to instead move, and direct myself HERE in every moment – and live HERE with no fear; and instead speak, and live unconditionally with seeking a particular response in return

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Day 45: I Testify – Here is My Witness-Statement

I am Viktor Persson from Uppsala, Sweden, and I was born in Stockholm, Sweden in the year of 1987. I finished high-school year 2006, and began my university studies 2011 – and I’ve selected to study the degree of law. I joined the Desteni Research Group through the Equal Life Foundation in the end of 2008 – when I also started my investigations of my mind, and what it means to live.

I started walking my process, and I’ve visited the farm, and throughout my process I’ve kept a journal about my understanding and practical application of it.

The duration of my first visit to the farm was 6 months, and the second visit was 1 month; through visiting the farm I learned that living doesn’t have to be a struggle, and that it can be enjoyable. That there are always new challenges to take on, and new points of self-expansion to be walked – and that life never stagnates unless self accepts and allows this to happen through valuing fear more than self-expansion. I have learned the value of discipline, consistency, principles, and living-ideals – and I have understood that change can only become a living reality through practical application in the physical – not through thinking about it.

In my process of keeping a journal, and investigating the Desteni Material – I’ve become more emotionally stable, assertive, decisive, strong, self-independent, self-confident, and I’ve decided to study law – which is something that I wouldn’t have done unless I became involved with the Desteni Research Team. Never have my participation with Desteni been motivated by Money – but my motivation has sprung from the sheer substance, and value that is to be found in the Material that Desteni presents; thus Desteni is NOT a Pyramid Scheme!

Through walking, and applying the Desteni Tools During the last 5 years – I have:

Transcended apathy; I now care about the direction of my life, my future, my well-being – and the well-being of those whom I share my world with.

Transcended social-anxiety; I now enjoy talking, and communicating with people in my life – and get to know new human-beings – I look with excitement at the prospect of expanding my network of acquaintances – instead of fearing it.

Learned how the world functions; I’ve humbled myself – and realized that I know very little about how the world functions – and within that I’ve begun my research too understand how the world functions – and I have learned A LOT – simply because I now care about myself, and my effectiveness in this world – and the daily impact I have on other people.

Transcended the desire for fame; I do not anymore look to become famous – and my life do not circle around me “making it” with my music – instead I’ve given myself a new purpose – to become the best I can be in this life – and to make this earth/world the best it can be.

Developed self-discipline; I am now very disciplined – and I am able to effectively structure the time of my day – and prioritize my tasks – allowing me to be a highly productive, effective, and functional human-being – and due to this I am able to walk several projects all at once without allowing this to compromise my presence and stability.

Developed self-assertiveness; I now stand comfortable alone – I don’t search for friendships – I instead develop contacts with people as a decision that I do without a secret agenda to feel accepted – I am now able to make decisions, and stand by these and not need the confirmation and support from someone else that I am “doing right” – I’ve learned how to think critically, and consider physical priorities – and thus I am able to make effective decisions, and trust my decisions.

Learned English; I am now highly effective in the use of the English language – both in speech, and in writing – all due to having consistently a kept journal of my research of the Desteni Material.

Developed effective communication skills; I am now able to speak with much more clarity, and self-trust – and convey points with great ease – I’ve for example received feedback several times from my teachers that my communication is clear – and concise – and that people understand me when I speak – I take this as feedback that my communication-skills have become much more effective.

Developed self-introspection/reflection, and self-correction skills; when something happens in my world that I react towards – I am now not anymore a helpless victim to my reactions – I am able to immediately deal with, walk through, and correct the reaction – and my living – through using the tools of writing, self-forgiveness, self-commitments, and living the self-correction – as such I now trust myself to walk through this life effectively without falling – because I know that I have the tools for me to live effectively, and I am an expert in the use of them.

Developed my reading abilities; I am now a effective reader – this is due to how I have for the last 5 years spent countless of hours reading the Desteni Material – and also developing my vocabulary, and writing-skill through keeping a journal – thus I am now able to read most literature fast, and with effective comprehension – allowing me to be very effective in the world-system.

Developed relationship/partnership-skills; before Desteni I was not effective in communication, and intimacy-development in relationships – since I began my research at Desteni I’ve begun to develop this point – and the moment I am walking a relationship within which I’ve been able to establish an effective communication, and also express myself intimately – as such allowing me to walk a functional, and fulfilling relationship with another.

Learned to Forgive; before Desteni I held the adult-world in contempt for my failure as a human-being – in particular my parents; since Desteni I’ve forgiven my parents and established a fulfilling, and functional relationship with them that is emotionally stable and mutually beneficial.

Developed a relationship with my human physical body; I now care what food I eat – I care about the state of my body, and I am able to understand when it is something that I am eating that cause a imbalance in my physical body – and within that correct the point; and as such I’ve developed a effective physical communication with my body that have allowed me to live a more healthy, awake, and fulfilling life.

Thus – this is my witness-statement – this is what I’ve experienced, walked through, and understood in my five years with Desteni; Prooving that Desteni is NOT a scam – This is not hear-say but I’ve experienced this first-hand – thus – this is the evidence I show for anyone that is interested in knowing what is Desteni, and what are the effects of Desteni – Here is the Answer – I am the Answer.

 

Hiding – Part 2

Before reading this – read part 1 first.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the character/experience/possession of not wanting to be seen – existing within and as the physical behavior of avoiding eye contact with others – avoiding to be seen through pretending that I don’t see and notice others when they are in my presence – hoping that by doing so they won’t notice and see me; instead of accepting and allowing myself to come out from this shell I’ve created – understanding that this shell is completely unnecessary and doesn’t even protect me from anything – because even if I continue to hold unto this shell – it won’t stop me from being hit by a bus, or stabbed by someone – it’s simply a imaginary shell that serves no other purpose but to limit me and have me miss opportunities of getting to know/participating with others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist/live within and as the character of not wanting to be seen – thinking that if I would be seen by somebody – that this would the expose me to their evil scrutiny – wherein they would take me apart inside their minds and find all my weak-spots and plot to use their powers to destroy me; instead of seeing/realizing/understanding that this is in-fact what I am doing towards myself – wherein I am looking at myself from a perspective of judging my apparent weak spots – giving all my focus at being angry/frustrated at myself for having these weak spots – spending all my effort/time to hide these weak spots – instead of accepting and allowing to simply let go of this fear – and see/realize/understand that even if I have a weak spot and someone mention this – or poke my weak spot – that this can’t affect and influence me unless I accept and allow it to do so

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as petrification and fear of being seen by others – within the fear that if somebody sees me – they might see something wrong/incorrect with me and point this out to me; as such existing within complete fear and petrification towards being criticized by others and seen as wrong/incorrect by others; instead of seeing/realizing/understanding how ludicrous this fear is – and how stupid it is to fear being criticized by others – as I see/realize/understand that I might even benefit from the perspective/criticism that others have towards me and my behavior – and as such become even more effective and detailed within and as my physical living expression of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as fear/nervousness to be seen by others – fearing that there will be some weakness/fault within me that others will see and notice and mention – talk to me about – or ridicule me for having – instead of accepting and allowing myself to see/realize/understand that it’s not big deal to have a weakness and to be wrong – and it’s no big deal that other mentions or points this out – when I do have made something wrong, or I possess a certain weakness – but I’ve made it within myself to be this hugely important and all-encompassing point – that I must at all times present myself and show myself to be right; instead of accepting and allowing myself to chill out – to relax – and simply live here in this moment and if I fuck up – to deal with that fuck-up here physically through looking at what practical solutions I can walk to correct the point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand to the extent that I limit myself when I exist in the fear of being noticed; as I basically remove myself from participation – remove myself from reality and isolate myself as far away from everyone that I can get – as such living a life of seclusion wherein I never get to know anyone, and I never get to know myself with others – because I am all the time alone – all the time protecting myself from being seen by others; and within this I will/push myself to get out from this stupid character, and instead participate with others – get to know others – communicate and in-fact accept and allow myself to be seen – and to not worry about being seen

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be seen by others – be heard by others – be noticed by others; and walk these points being completely comfortable with myself – knowing that there is nothing harmful in being seen/noticed/heard by others – and that there is nothing in-fact to fear – and that the fear only exists in my mind as a idea and belief – as such I will/push myself to become physical – within seeing/realizing/understand that there is absolutely no possibility that I will be able to be harmed physically through being seen/noticed/heard by others – it’s only an idea

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seclude and isolate myself from participation in reality – and to shut myself off from getting to know others, and from expanding in my reality through networking and opening up new points of relationships with others; because I exist/live in fear of being noticed/seen – thinking that I am worthless and if I am seen by others – that they will see/notice/judge this worthlessness within me – and openly criticize me for being worthless; instead of seeing/realizing/understanding that what I fear others doing to me – is what I am doing to myself – as accepting and allowing myself to be hard and brutal with myself – and to criticize myself for my weak-spots – and to in essence be an asshole towards myself when I notice that there are points in my application that aren’t effective – and that aren’t working as they should be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself out from this character – to see/realize/understand how much of life that I’ve missed through existing as this character – how many opportunities of participating/speaking/communicating with others that I’ve wasted through giving into the fear of being noticed/seen; as such I will/push myself to step out of this character and dare to be seen – dare to be heard – dare to be recognized – and dare to be different – and not anymore limit myself in living

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to let go of this hiding personality – as not wanting to be seen; thinking that this personality is protecting me from harming, and protecting me from ending up in a “bad situation” – instead of seeing/realizing/understanding that I am not at all protected by this character/personality – I am instead limited, and held back – and in-fact regressing within myself due to missing points of participating/communication with others where I could’ve expanded and learned – and got to know more about myself and the functioning of this existence – as such I push/will myself to not anymore exist live as this fear of being seen – but instead express myself in moments where I see that I am holding myself back in the fear of being seen – and to share myself in moments when I see that I doubt sharing myself – because I fear to be seen

I commit myself to not anymore exist/live as the character of not wanting to be seen/noticed – but to instead push/will myself to be noticed/to be seen/to be heard – as I push/will myself to participate/interact/communicate – when the opportunity to do so opens up in my life

I commit myself to not pretend to not see others in my presence – in fear of being seen/noticed – but instead recognize the fact that others are in my presence – and to walk comfortably here with others – accepting and allowing myself to be seen/noticed/heard

I commit myself to see/realize/understand that this fear of being noticed does not protect me – and that it’s not a real shell – but only a mental shell as an idea and as such completely useless in all and everyway

I commit myself to not scrutinize myself in my minds eye – and look for faults within myself, and points of “badness” – and within this I commit myself to not project this point unto others; but to instead take self-responsibility for this point through stopping this character of scrutinizing myself when I see/notice that I am living this point as myself

I commit myself to not fear being criticized and/or seen as wrong/incorrect by others – but to instead view such moments as a opportunity for me to learn – because maybe another has a valid point as to how I’ve been doing wrong/incorrect; and within this I commit myself to not take myself so seriously, and to not be so hard upon myself when I fail/make mistakes/and fuck up – but to instead support myself to become more effective within not fucking-up – but instead living effectively here – as breath one and equal

I commit myself to when I am around others to – chill out and relax – and not take myself so seriously – but to simply be here with myself and express myself naturally – not worrying whether I might be wrong

I commit myself to not seclude myself, and hide myself away in the far-reaches of the universe where no-one can ever see or find me – but to instead accept and allow myself to push through my fears/anxieties and get out there in reality with other people – get out there and communicate/participate/interact – and be apart of the life’s of others

I commit myself to be seen/noticed/heard by others – and to not seclude/isolate myself in order to avoid being seen/heard/noticed

I commit myself to get out there in reality – and get to know others/participate with others/move myself in the system – in the matrix – and to forever stop this character of standing in the back – hoping that no-one will ever see me; because maybe then I will become criticized – I see/realize/understand how stupid this fear is – and as such I commit myself to forever ban it from my life

I commit myself to see/realize/understand how much I’ve missed of my life through existing as this character of not wanting to be seen – as I’ve deliberately avoided to create any close/intimate relationships with others – to communicate/interact/get to know others – simply because I’ve been afraid of being seen/noticed/heard – I stop this fear and seclusion – and I as such stop missing out on my life/opportunity to get to know others here

I commit myself to dare to be heard/seen/noticed/recognized

I commit myself to see/realize/understand that the fear of being seen doesn’t in anyway protect me – but only limits me and have me regress into a existence/life of seclusion/hiding; as such I stop myself from honoring and entertaining this fear within me and I instead develop self-trust – to be able to effectively analyze and distinguish situations that are in-fact dangerous without having to keep/entertain a fear of being seen/heard/noticed – and within this I see/realize/understand that a fear can’t assist/support me to understand the totality of a situation – and as such can’t protect me from harm in-fact – but only serves to keep me stuck in energies/experiences that aren’t even aligned to this physical reality