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Day 391: Living COMPLETELY

During this week I have focused my application on the immediate living of words in the moment. When I have had a reaction, I have applied a line of self-forgiveness within me, and then I have immediately proceeded to see what word would be supportive for me to live in order to walk through and transcend the reaction. I allowed myself to be unconditional when I looked at the words, to just see what came up, and thus far a couple of interesting words have arisen that I had not applied/lived before – such as the word COMPLETE. And in this blog I am going to expand upon my understanding and application of the word complete.

This word came up within me one morning as I had just woken up, I was preparing to go to work, and I was noticing how stress was building up within me. The stress was primarily about getting to work in time, accomplishing my work, thinking about what I am going to do later in life in terms of work, thinking about whether or whether not I will be able to live in my current house later in life or not; to sum it up – FUTURE ANXIETY. I applied self-forgiveness and looked at what word that could be lived – and then COMPLETE came up within me.

I proceeded to take COMPLETE – I placed it within me chest – and then practiced immediately embodying the word. I could immediately feel a shift in my body – my stance became more upright, stable, certain, yet still, my muscles relaxed and my posture became more natural and balanced. My awareness shifted into what was HERE around me – I was making coffee for myself – hence – I observed and partook in the process with full presence – which was very cool. Then I realized the power of living the word COMPLETE – and how this is a word we as human beings have been really bad at living.

I realized that when living COMPLETE – meaning – I AM COMPLETE HERE – the notion of running, stressing, racing towards or after something becomes ludicrous and nonsensical – what is there to race after if I am COMPLETE here? Why should I think about, constantly strive towards, and attempt and try to achieve something more than myself, when I am COMPLETE?

I then asked myself, if I would consider my current state of living complete, at least in the sense of material standards, who would I be? Would I still be thinking about what kind of job I would have in the future? Would I still be thinking about where I am going to live in the future? In a way, such considerations and thoughts are immaterial – or put differently – unimportant under the circumstances – and if it would so happen that I would die after having made this cup of coffee – then would I ever regret not having lived in a different house? Surely not. My regrets would rather be about who I was as a person, the relationships I was able to create with people in my life, the value and worth that I was able to contribute into the lives of others, the value and worth that I was able to contribute into the life of my own – that would be of importance – that would be relevant – that would be material – and that thus forms a integral part of living the word COMPLETE.

Because living COMPLETE – means that I am COMPLETELY here – and that I make the most – the FULLEST – in every moment to live myself as a COMPLETE person – complete in the sense that I am not separated – spread thin and wide in my mind – where my attention is scattered between all kinds of irrelevant things/ideas/beliefs/emotions/feelings. Standing as the word COMPLETE is thus a completely different experience in comparison to living life from a starting point of inadequacy and feeling incomplete – which so many of us do. And then we try to find completion in our careers, in partners, in children, in all kinds of external manifestations – while all the time missing the point – the living COMPLETE is a matter of principle – a DECISION – that we do and must stand by – and implement in every moment.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live the word COMPLETE – as being COMPLETELY here in this moment – being COMPLETELY present – completely directive – completely taking part in my process of self-creation and thus not accepting and allowing myself to be separate – separate from the physical – separate from what is real through having thoughts, images, pictures, fantasies, all kinds of distractions in my mind – take me away from what is real HERE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that completion is not something that I will be able to attain through my external reality, that it is not something that I will be able to earn as money, or acquire as friends, recognition, power or importance – rather – it is something that I must live and apply in every moment of breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I will never be able to attain completion – it must be a decision that I make – I must LIVE completion in order to bring it into manifestation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget the word COMPLETE – and accept and allow myself to be scattered into a million of small pieces in my mind – hence forgetting that what is real is HERE – forgetting what I knew and could see as a child – that reality is HERE – and that there is in-fact nothing more to attain/achieve – than what is HERE in a moment – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get stuck in a linear way of looking at my life – where it is all processes that goes from A to B – and where there is always a movement from A to B – and thinking that I will only ever be able to relax when I get to B – not seeing, realizing and understanding – that COMPLETION is always HERE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from COMPLETE – thinking that it is a too good a word for me – and that I will never be able to live or stand as complete – because I have not earned it – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I must earn living COMPLETE – that it is something that must come into my life after a long process of showing that I have earned it – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that it is a word – and that I can make a decision to live it HERE

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself longing, looking at, fearing, worrying about, the future in some way or another, where I project a complete version of myself somewhere out there, that I will only be able to attain after a long and arduous process, I stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring that point of COMPLETION here – and I see, realize and understand – that COMPLETION is a decision that I live and not something that I can wait for – and it is not something that I will get from my external reality – it will be something that I create/manifest/life as a decision – and hence I commit myself to practice living COMPLETE – to bring all of myself HERE into the physical and to stand FULLY and COMPLETELY here – and to use moments of falling to learn and become better at standing as a COMPLETE and FULL version of myself HERE

 


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Day 300: Living The Word Thorough

I have now pushed myself to live and apply the word thorough for about a week. During this time I have realized that living thoroughness is about pushing through in the small moments, in those moments when I would like to ‘just move on’ – ‘to get done’ – ‘to leave it as it is’ – and instead, then,  give that little extra of myself to finalize and complete the task at hand so that the result is not only good, but the best that it can be.

What I have found in this process is that the number one enemy to thoroughness is stress, impatience and laziness. Being thorough is closely connected to patience, and patience cannot come through when I stress. Because living thorough means taking a point through, from beginning to end, walking each part of the creation into completion, not jumping ahead, or skipping steps, but walking all steps as is required to fulfill the creation. And when I stress, that is not possible, as I will try to gain time by jumping ahead, by moving fast and without precision, and that means I will miss steps in the creation process. Thus, not walking each part of the creation into completion.

To effectively live the word thoroughness, what is required hence a silence and stability within and as myself. Without that silence and stability, thoroughness is very difficult if not impossible to embody, as my thoughts will jump all over the place, and my mind will not be able to focus on the creation process that is HERE and right before me. And this is yet another key to living thorough – FOCUS – because in being thorough, there is a attention on this moment here, and the part of creation that is walked here – as such the attention cannot be split into the future or past at what could and what could have been – that will compromise the creation taking place in this moment. What comes through in the sound of thorough is – THROUGH heremeaning that is through being HERE that creation can be taken into perfection.

This hit me today, how much of our lives we do on auto mode, and how much we miss because of that. Consider for example, how few people get really good at cooking. Yet still, this is something we do nearly each day. What differs those becoming really good from those that do not? One thing is presence and awareness, those that learn and evolve in a particular skill are ACTIVELY engaging with reality – actively pushing themselves to learn more, enhance their skills and abilities – and as such they are FOCUSED on reality – and thorough – making sure that they are aware and attentive of each step in the process of creation. Hence, living thorough is a way of getting to that point within self of actively participating and engaging with reality, where things are not left half-done, or average, but where each step is pushed and finalized; as they say – The Devil is in the Details.

Day 294: Why Winning Is A Limitation

Is winning something good? Does winning benefit and support us in our expression?

It is normal to view winning as a positive experience. Winning is something most people strive towards, in various ways. Winning in our career through getting the best job, winning in our personal lives through having the best partner, winning in our education through having the best marks, and so on. Winning is a lifestyle that has become particularly accentuated in our fast paced lives. Though, there is a backside to winning, something that is easily missed or shunned, as the experience of winning is so tempting, exciting, and positive.

I will take an example from my own life which shows that becoming obsessed with, and defining oneself according to the experience winning is in-fact a limitation. It goes back to my years in elementary school. It was easy for me in school and I managed to get comparatively good marks. I was not necessarily the best, however, I was doing good – good enough for me to see myself as a ‘winner’. Then came a big change in my life, as my parents decided that our family was to move to another part of our country. I had to start a new school, and in that, I was now marked according to new standards. In this new school, I did not achieve the marks I had hoped for, and consequently, I went into an experience of feeling like a loser, and being depressed because I did not win anymore. This led me to struggle, fight, and push so that I could move myself forward in school, and get better marks again. To some extent I succeeded with achieving better marks at my new school, and again I went into that comfort zone of feeling like a winner – comparatively good at what I was doing.

Now, some might ask, what is the problem with this? You were quite good at school, had some problems, and then sorted it out, what is the story?

The problem is the fact that my drive, ambition, and push was always defined within the limits of energy and how I felt. I only pushed myself to excel and become better when I felt like I did not match my peers. Only then did it become relevant for me to go through the trials and tribulations to actually expand myself – and that is a LIMITATION. The fact is that, the moment we base our feeling of ourselves through comparison against others, we put a cap on our ability to excel, and expand. We only go as far as is required to feel feel good about ourselves, though not as far as we are able to take it.

Later in my life I decided to study law, and during this period of time I came to realize some important points about learning, self-expansion, and self-creation. I realized that if I want to become really good at what I am doing, I cannot use others as a benchmark. Instead, I must listen to myself, and be self-honest – I must be willing to admit to myself when I am not living to the utmost of my ability and then have the discipline to actively change myself. Having this perspective, studies, learning, work, and career becomes about self-perfection – it becomes about being the best that you are able to be – where there is no comparison – because you do it for yourself. That is also the definition of self-fulfillment – where you fill yourself through challenging yourself, through actively moving forward, through tirelessly looking at where, and how you can push yourself to become more.

Winning as such is a limitation because in making winning the focus you loose touch with yourself and your own potential. In winning, you have to conform to standards of what is considered right, and wrong – however your fullest potential might not even be able to be compartmentalized in such limited words as right, and wrong. Consider for example the work of Bruce Lee. He did not become the best karate or kung fu practitioner – instead he developed his own martial arts where he could express his own unique movements and physical characteristics fully. The same is true with any form of skill or ability that is being developed. To find and realize our full potential, we must do it for ourselves, we must listen to ourselves, and be open to what comes through from within.

The solution to this problem of being addicted to and driven by the desire to win is as such to let ourselves lose. Let go of the hierarchy, of who is the best, and who is the worst, and let us instead look at who we are, and how we can become the best version of OURSELVES. Let us find that innate and deep drive to develop and realize ourselves and make it the quest in all aspects of our lives to find out how much more we be.

Day 221: Giving Life To What We Do

As I’m now reaching the end of my law-studies, I’ve begun considering what to do next, where to place myself in the system, where to go, and who to be. In doing this I have walked what can be called a process of getting to know myself, because in order to answer the questions I have been asking myself, I had to see as well as understand myself and who I am – my strengths, my weaknesses, my inclinations and aversions.

Though I have experienced conflict with this decision, and this has had to do with whether I should venture into the business side of law, or the humanitarian side of law. My initial decision, and also the area in which I chose specialize myself during my education was contract and procedural law. This decision though have slowly been uprooted and lately I have been questionsng whether this direction is really ‘me’ so to speak. The reason being that I do enjoy the humanitarian and societal side of law a lot more, this aspect of the judicial system fascinates me. I also have talent for analyzing and reflecting on the daily human interactions in society, and I’m captivated by seeing and understanding the various social undercurrents of our world system.

Thus I’ve been questioning why I decided to give up on this side of law so early, and instead head into the business side. And I see that the reason behind this is MONEY – though – it’s not ACTUALLY about money in itself, rather it’s about the FEAR of not having money. Because without investigating the point clearly, I’ve assumed that there is no money in the humanitarian side of law, and that I must head into the arena of business. Mostly this is a decision I’ve come to through looking at what direction my classmates where going into, and most of them made the decision early on the head into business.

I am able to see that I have in a way lost myself through giving to much attention to what my classmates where doing, or rather, I hadn’t ever actually established myself and MY DIRECTION. WHERE it is that I wish to go and WHY? Thus I have now decided to reevaluate my starting point towards where I’m to place myself in the industry of law – and enquire into where and how it is that I can place myself in the system so that I can make an effective impact in this world, and where it is that I can grow the most as a being and living person. Thus – even though money plays an important role in our lives, it’s as important to make sure that we don’t become these wandering zombies – that only live to survive – but that we have a clear purpose with what we’re doing and ourselves. Because without that life becomes empty and incomplete – because SELF isn’t here actually directing, living, motivating and creating – as fear have instead taken the driver seat.

So, with this I don’t want to say that we should always go with what we ENJOY to do, because at all times, practical reality must be priority – which means that our ability to cover our expenses must be directed. Nevertheless when that point is covered, our focus should shift into creating something more of our ourselves and our lives – and here the point that I see is important is that if we have the ability to do so, we select a profession and a direction in life that we’re passionate about – OR – that we FIND and CREATE such passion towards what we are walking. That we do the research and find ways to contribute to life, society and other people through our expression in our profession – so that our daily living isn’t about just surviving. Meaning – that we instead give life and purpose to what we do – because nothing will do that for us – WE must instead be the directive principle that breath LIFE into our work, profession and other responsibilities in the system – that’s the simplicity of the point.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not gift myself the courage to recognize myself, where I see I will be effective in this life, where I see that I can place myself – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in a way lose myself through looking at what others are, or aren’t doing – and comparing my potential future with the potential future of others – and believe that my future must resemble and be just like the future of another

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that regardless of the position I place myself within, the one point that remains the same is that I must gift life into my position and placement, that I must breath life and create my living and that nothing and no one will do that for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I must gift life to myself and my choice of work – that I must establish a passion for life and create with myself and my living something that is beneficial and supportive and that gives life – and thus create my purpose and not accept and allow my life to merely be for the sake of survival – but to instead clearly establish within myself a directive as to where I am going and why – and make the directive within the principle of oneness and equality as what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I must accept and allow myself to trust myself when making the decision as to where I am to place myself – that after I’ve looked through the information, looked at myself, and established WHO I AM in relation to the point – then I must accept and allow myself to trust myself – to move forward and create myself in life – and in this I can’t wait for trust to come – I must decide to trust myself and then move ahead and create my life and purpose in relation to the point – to bring in life, passion and care into what I am doing – and to see how I’m able to re-design the point to be a gift that I give to myself as well as others that support life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that regardless of where I will place myself in this world, the thing that is going to remain the same is that I will be the breath of life that either drives, or demotivates the particular point – that I will either be the point that create and moves forward – or the point that will make the work or placement I’m within feel constricted, limited and boring – because I am creating it to be that way – instead of looking at gifts and opportunities that I can take and then learn from and create from – and build life from within

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that through deciding on doing business law – not giving humanitarian law a change at all – I actually limited myself and my life – and I made a decision where I didn’t look at where I would grow the most – where I would fit and be effective – and where I would enjoy myself – and thus I made a decision as to where I am going to place myself on the basis of comparing myself with what others are doing – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not listen to myself, get to know myself, to see where in-fact I’d like to place myself, to review myself, reflect and ask myself the difficult questions – and then answer them – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that only making decisions on the basis of money is not effective – because an effective decision must consider ALL aspects and dimensions of a point – and here money is but ONE and not ALL

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give upon myself in terms of creating a life for myself within the category of humanitarian law – thinking that such a prospect will not work effectively for me – and that I will not be able to attain a sufficient amount of money directing myself in such an area of expertise – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I’ve limited myself before even looking any further, or making more extensive investigations into the point – and that I’ve just assumed a direction – and moved within a particular trajectory just because everyone else was doing it – instead of me seeing and finding myself – and me considering who I am – where I’d be effective – where I’d actually enjoy my work and my profession – and towards what I do have a genuine passion that I can expand upon and use a support when I move myself to become more specific and effective in what I’m doing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not keep my eyes open, and not unnecessarily close any doors on myself, believing that I have to go into a particular direction in life, just because others are doing that – and also to believe – that because I’ve selected upon a particular direction, then I must always go in that direction, and that there is no room or opportunity for me to change, and move a different way, and in a different direction – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself in fear when making decisions as to where I’m to place myself in the future – to limit myself in fear through fearing that I’ll have to stick my decision for the rest of my life – and that it will be wrong – and that I’ll have to pay for that mistake forever – instead of me trusting myself and my stability here – my groundedness – and that I bring life and my stability into what I do – instead of expecting what I do to bring life into me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect that my life and reality, and that my profession, and my direction in life is going to bring me passion and zest for life – and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I can’t expect what I do to make me alive – and rather I must make what I do come alive – that I must be the point of creation that takes responsibility and brings something to life – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that it really doesn’t matter where I am, or what I do – because what matters is WHO I AM within and as what I am doing – and whether I’m actually giving myself the point – or whether I’m holding back and accepting and allowing myself to wait for the point to give itself to me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be hesitant towards and fearful of committing and giving myself to a certain point – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want my direction in life to come to me, to want my future and my decisions to already be created, to already be set out and clearly defined – so that I just have to walk into my future – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect and want things to just be there for me – and to believe that what I do is going to complete me – instead of realizing that it will be me completing myself through me accepting and allowing myself to give myself unconditionally what I am doing and walking

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I’m expecting my future to unfold, expecting my profession, my work, and my direction to give me life, and that a creation will just unfold before me – I stop – I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I will have to give life to what I do – that I will have to bring purpose, meaning and substance into my profession, my work and my direction – that it will be ME and my decision to gift life that will make all the difference – and thus I commit myself to gift life into what I do – to give myself to my responsibilities, commitments, my profession and direction – to commit myself and really give as I’d like to receive

I commit myself to stop waiting for a direction or profession in my life to give me enjoyment, and to give me purpose and a trajectory – and thus I commit myself to gift this to myself – to see, realize and understand that regardless of where I stand in life – regardless of position – regardless of environment – it’s my responsibility to see the gifts, to see the potentials and to take these – enhance them and create with them something that will be a support for all of life – and all of existence and for myself

Day 206: Following Plans

Something that tends to stress me out is when I make plans for myself – a particular time where I am supposed to be somewhere, or do something – and then I notice that this plan isn’t going to work for me. That I am going to be to late, or not have time for the scheduled event, or that something else have come up that is a high priority and that must go before my initial plan.

This stresses me out because suddenly there isn’t that systematic and very clear structure in my mind of what I am going to do during my day, how I am going to proceed, what I require to think about, what I can expect do be done at what time and so on. Rather it feels like a blur inside me mind, and as if I am standing before an unknown variable – an unknown play-out – as if I am walking on ice.

I find it interesting because most of the times I do have the time to complete my tasks, and responsibilities, though the times may shift – I may do it later in the evening, the next day, or some other day during the week – though the common theme is that I tend to find time for myself to get done what I must get done. And this is what I’d like to bring through in this blog, that there is no reason to stress or become bewildered solely because I’m not able to follow through on my schedule – because the thing is that physical reality can’t always be scheduled. Something might come up, something might change, something might happen – and in that moment the schedule must take a backseat and I must allow me to improvise.

And I’m actually good at improvising, so it’s strange that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself to be able to improvise – its instead as if I’ve placed an exuberant amount of trust in the power of the schedule, in the power of what I should do at what time, and that this must be my main direction at all times – and that as soon as I step out of the safe confines of the schedule – I’m in dangerous waters and must immediately eject myself from the potentially destructive situation.

Thus – what I am going to work with here in this blog is self-trust – and realizing that even though I might not follow my calendar to the tee – it’s not reason to get stressed out and worried – and I can rather deal with the situations as they emerge – and direct them in such a way that will be beneficial for everyone that is involved.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become stressed out and worried when I’ve a schedule to follow and I notice that I am not able to follow that schedule, and that I’m falling or lagging behind – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate this situation with stress, and anxiety – and that something is wrong, and bad – and that I must immediately get myself back on track through saving my time, and spurting, to get back into the schedule – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself outside of the schedule – and trust myself that I will get done what I’ve set out to do – though maybe not in the time that I’ve scheduled for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that having a schedule should be like an assistance and support for me to structure and design my day so that it’s practical and effective – and that it shouldn’t be a mental blockage and an idea that I must follow this schedule to the tea, and that as soon as I deviate, something is deadly wrong and must immediately be corrected and placed back into working order – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become stressed out at the beginning of my day – when looking at what must be done – what commitments must walked – what responsibilities must be handled – in fear that I won’t be able to keep up with my schedule

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to keep up with my schedule, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the schedule my god – and my point of self-trust – and place into the schedule that which I am not giving to myself – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand as self-trust, and stand as the point of god in myself and my world – wherein I do act on what I see is best for me – and best for all – and move myself in the starting point of being practical and getting done that which I’ve set out to do – and not accepting and allowing myself to compromise and hold back through allowing emotions to dictate who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make it a habit of going into stress in the morning when I see my mental schedule before me – and when I perceive that I am lagging behind – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that if I do notice that I lag behind – and that there is an important point that I don’t get the time to direct – then I can simply make time for that point through making sure that I give myself time later during that day – or later when I do see and notice that I have some time for myself that I’m able to spend on whatever it is that I want to do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make it a habit to be stressed when I’m not able to follow plans and ideas in my mind of what I should do – when I should do it – and how I should do it – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace the momentum and flow of the physical – as accepting and allowing myself to move with what is here – to move with time instead of chasing time – to trust myself that I will in every moment of breath be able to deal with time – walk with time – and do what is necessary to be done in time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in regards to my studies and my work – be stressed out that it’s taking too much time – and that I too little time to perfect these points – and really make them effective and specific – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not instead walk the point of studies and work in self-trust – in when this fear comes up – and when the thoughts come up that I don’t have sufficient amount of time – to remind myself that I can always gift myself more time if I see that this is required – and that at the moment there is no cross-reference indicating that I place too little time in the point – and thus no requirement for me to change my investment – and that I can thus walk the point without stress and fear – and rather trust myself to use the time at my disposal as effectively and specifically as possible

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to connect stress energy and anxiety to not following my plans and my calendar – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distrust myself – in terms of thinking that without a calendar – without a specific and exact knowledge of my future and how things are going to pan out – I’m hopelessly lost on the seas of change – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see and define myself as not being sufficiently stable and enabled to stand in a position of stability and movement even though I’m not absolutely sure as to what might come in the future – and what shape and form it might take

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect my mornings and my hours of waking up to stress and anxiety – wherein I imagine within my mind the entire day as it’s going to play out – and what I am going to do – how I’m going to do it – what needs to be done – what requires to be pushed and so forth – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into and as a anxiety towards this point – and believe that only because I’ve many things planned – and that there are requirements for me to fulfill – that I then require to go into stress and move myself in stress – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to complete one thing at a time – to do one thing at a time – to move one point after another and to thus not try to skip some steps through stressing about without any sense of stability

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect following a plan and a schedule to stress and anxiety – and thus I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I require stress in order to keep to my schedule – that I require stress in order to keep my direction and momentum – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this is a misunderstanding of what it is means to actually move myself – because self-movement in itself doesn’t require stress – doesn’t require energy – doesn’t require a schedule – as I have everything here in order to move myself – thus I see, realize and understand that the point missing within me is self-trust – and self-trust is what I require to develop and stand as in order to be able to move myself with stability and confidence in my world wherein there is no fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with times and calendars – plans and goals – to the extent where I’ve allowed myself to loose my groundedness and the realization that my life is actually HERE – that my point of power and creation is actually within and as each and every moment of breath – and that it’s not something that comes through in stress, anxiety and being inflexible and dogmatic with my calendars – and decisions for the future – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to in regards to moving myself in this life – to do that within and as self-trust and self-confidence – to deal with each moment as it arise – as it comes into my world and reality – and trust myself that I’ll be able to direct it specifically and effectively

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I go into thinking about my day in terms of a whole, and a massive amount of responsibilities that I’ll probably not be able to fulfill, and that I’ll miss something – and I within that notice me enticing and starting up a system of stress – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this system of stress is in-fact created by me through seeing the whole of my day in-front me – instead of seeing what requires to be done HERE – and then moving myself to deal with and direct that point here – and thus I commit myself to push myself to deal with one moment at a time – to look at what requires to be done here and then do it – and not imagine myself into the future – and look at what must possibly be done somewhere out there – somewhere in the future – but stick to my guns that are here and move myself with breath in every moment

When and as I se that I am going into a state of stress because I fear that I am going to not be able to follow through on my schedules – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that a schedule is only a point of support and structure – for me to be able to more effectively use my time and manage my responsibilities throughout a day – and that it doesn’t define WHO I AM – and that thus – not being able to follow a schedule isn’t in itself super-bad – rather it means that I’ve not taken some points into account – and that I require to deal with the moment that is here and thus deviate from my schedule – and thus I commit myself to deal with this situation as it emerge – and to stand in breath and in the moment and direct the point without going into my mind and looking at the situation from an emotional starting point – rather I stick with what is here – work with what requires to be done and moved here – what requires to be completed here

2012 The Working-Man-Anxiety-Character

Writing:

Since I’ve begun to work regularly and for long hours, I’ve begun to notice a pattern of anxiety emerge within me. This pattern is in-fact within me, and there all the time as I work, yet I do not really experience, and feel to what extent that this pattern in-fact possess me, until I go to bed at night. Because I’ve noticed that, I will wake up in the middle of the night, check what time it is – to be certain that I will not miss my work – or I will be in the middle of a half-awake – half-asleep – dream – wherein I’ve lost something at my work, and I must find it. I will then sit up in my bed, and look around in complete anxiety as I try to find this lost thing, and then after a while I will realize that – oh – I am only in my bed, and I am not really at my work.

This reveals that my main-personality while working is the anxiety-personality – and more specifically – the fear of doing wrong, and facing consequences character – wherein the ultimate consequence that I obviously fear – is that I will loose my job, and consequently loose my ability to earn an income for myself.

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