Tag Archives: decision making

Day 385: How I Make Decisions

Due to computer issues I have been away from active writing for a while. My computer is now fully functional yet again and hence my writing will resume.

In my life there has opened up a career opportunity. Looking at it objectively, it is a very good opportunity. It is a choice of career that is lucrative and does not demand too much in time and effort. The point that I have been unsure about, and that I have spent time looking at, is whether the opportunity suits me or not.

When I look at making decisions and future prospects, my aim is to firstly, remove all the feeling and emotional connotations to the point. In this instance, the opportunity triggered a sense of importance and feeling special, and also desire to have money. What also became triggered was a fear of missing out, and a fear of not moving into the direction that I initially foresaw/imagined. These experiences are not relevant, and would I keep them as dimensions to consider in the decision making process, the result will not be trustworthy. Emotions and feelings are ephemeral and mercurial. Basing decisions on such loosely defined energies will result in unwanted outcomes. This is because at some point, the feelings might suddenly disappear or shift into a different direction, and then the decision made has no validity.

The second step is to list/define all the pros and cons in relation to the decision. This is a fascinating process, because sitting down and deeply considering a decision, and its implications, will open up a range of new dimensions. The decision can have outflows and impact indirectly in other parts of my life and in ways that I did not see until I defined the pros and cons  and placed them on a paper in-front of me. It also helps slowing down and creating an overview.

Something else that can be seen is that some pros will feel more important within, and then when placed without on a piece of paper, they will seem insignificant. This is because certain pros and cons will be charged with either feelings or emotions – and those charged aspects will appear to be more important when looked at in the mind. However in physical reality, a different point, that is not charged with an energy, can be the most important. An example would be the following. A fear that is coming up within me, and a point that I have defined as a con, is that I will not pursue the type of law that I initially foresaw/envisioned myself doing. I will instead learn/apply a more bureaucratic and unpopular kind of law. This also triggers the fear that I will be unhappy in my chosen career. This point felt big and important. However when I looked at my pros and cons list – it was practically speaking not that big of a deal. What stood out to me was instead that the career decision offered me a possibility to work flexible hours and from various locations. I would not be bogged down in one office space. And I realized that for the future I want to create for myself, this is very important to me.

When the pros and cons have been listed – the next step is to weigh the pros and cons to reach a final conclusion. The result of measuring the pros and cons against each other is dependent on what principle/value system you use to determine the importance of each point. I use the principle of what is best for all. This means that the decision is not only about me. I must take into account how my decision will impact others. And with regards to some decisions, it will impact a few people negatively, while it will impact myself and a few others positively. At times it is not obvious which decision is the best. In such instances it can be of support to ask someone else for perspective or do a test-run. For example, if the decision is about moving, to then see whether it is possible to move for a short time only to experience the difference.

With regards to decision I am faced with, my family is an important dimension to look at. How does my decision and direction effect my daughter or my wife? Because even though a particular venue and career path can be my passion and hearts desire, it is not necessarily the path that will lead to the greatest and best outflows for everyone involved. Thus, I do not agree with the current popular idea that we should at all times ‘follow our hearts and dreams’ – reality and the outflows of our decision must be considered and take primacy. And even though we ourselves might feel good about the outflows of a decision – the potential physical and mental consequences we could or will inflict on others will most certainly outweigh that positive state we ourselves could reach.

When I have walked through the above mentioned steps, I am ready to make a decision. I pick the option that I see is best for all. And then comes the challenge of sticking to and living by the decision, however that topic deserves a blog post of its own.


 

Day 366: Self-Forgiveness On Fear of Making Decisions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be directive in my process of creation with regards to money and career

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to rely on others to direct my career and my decisions with regards to career, so that I can feel safe, in the belief that I cannot rely on myself to make such decisions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot rely on myself to make decisions with regards to my survival, my future, and my career, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get stuck in doubt, in passiveness, in fear, instead of directing myself to make decisions and stand by them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be directive in my decision making process with regards to my future, earning money and creating a career for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself back in my application of creating a career for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to be the one making the decisions, in fear that I will stand with the consequence, not seeing, realizing and understanding, that regardless of whether I trust another to make a decision for me, it is I that will have to stand with the consequence and walk it through

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear creating consequences for myself by making bad decisions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making bad decisions and see it as a solution to not make any decisions at all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being clear and direct with myself in communication and decision making – to be direct with myself, what I want, where I am going, and to not make things more complicated than what they need to be – to focus on the simplicity of seeing things DIRECT here and making decisions according to that

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk around in circles with the same information regurgitating it over and over again – not seeing, realizing and understanding that it will not help me – that the only thing I can do to help myself will be to deal with the undercurrent – with what is going on below the surface

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not deal with the undercurrent and what is going on below the surface – and in this case the undercurrent is fear of failure – and instead of dealing with fear of failure – comparison – competition – I have projected these experiences into my life – into decisions that I am able to make – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how the solution is to deal with the undercurrent of fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it is pointless to again regurgitate the mind experience, trying to reach the most perfect of all decisions, because at the end of the day, it will mean nothing at all, it will only cause things to take longer, because I am not dealing with the core point that is moving within me – which in this case is fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I will not be able to escape the core point through making awesome plans, because it is not about the plan, it is about who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that I will be able to push, drive, and with fever, attempt to fulfill and make the absolute best decisions possible – however – at the end of the day it will not mean anything at all – because I have not dealt with the undercurrent – and thus I will doubt my decision, fear it, and end up giving up – because I am not standing stable within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that certainty in decision making does not arise from a good plan, it arise from within me and WHO I AM – where I stand fearless in relation to the plan I have created for and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that being fearless is the key to be able to make a decision, stick with it, and follow it through till the end

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself starting to think about, and regurgitate a decision, a point that I have already walked and researched sufficiently, I immediately stop myself, take a breath and bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that I am now trying to find a solution to this problem, to my inability to stand with and by my decision, through more research, and more investigation, and more questioning, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that it is not a solution – that it will not assist and support – and that in-fact – the only way I can assist and support me will be through dealing with the undercurrent – the fear that lies behind it all – and thus I commit myself to instead look behind the backchat and see what emotion is moving within – and use the moment to apply self-forgiveness and find a self-corrective statement that I can live instead

Day 146: Giving Me A Me-Moment

I was recently shown a point about myself, and here I am going to delve deeper into it.

So, the point is in relation to how I don’t accept and allow myself to through-out my day take these me-moments, where I take a short break or pause in what current responsibility I am involved within, and allow myself to for example, play with the cats, or talk with my partner, play some guitar, go outside for a while and take some sips of air.

The reason as to why I am not accepting and allowing myself to do this is because of anxiety, or more clearly put: I actually don’t even notice, or see that there is this movement in me that I’d like to have a me-moment, because I am in a state of anxiety, and in a state of ‘getting there’ – ‘doing that’ – ‘producing results’ – actually I am driving myself throughout my day utilizing anxiety as a fuel to produce results and to apparently get me somewhere.

Now, this is obviously not working very well, and the consequences of such a behavior, of being constantly on-point, constantly moving, working, pushing, focusing – being in but ONE state of being all the time as that of a spear-headed movement forward, is that I will become burned out – I will hit the wall so to speak. Thus, I see that I must practice giving myself those me-moments, I must learn to tune in with myself, and when I do my work, and I am pushing, and I am pressing forward, that I still accept and allow myself to take those small breaks, those moment where I go and do something just because – its fun and I enjoy it – and I find it relaxing.

Its important that I give myself these moments, because I am going to, if everything goes according to plan, be here on this earth for quite a while, and thus I must see to it that I care for myself, and care for my body, and that I accept and allow myself to move consistently, yet still give myself those needed breaks, where I just do something, because its comfortable, its nice, and it rejuvenates me and enables me to go back into focus-mode – and get done what I was walking.

Thus, the practical correction I want to apply here is that of living the word balance, and to move myself through-out my day in a pace that is slow and steady, to not over-do certain points, but to do them in such a way that I still have time for me, time for just being and doing something pleasurable, and within that shift my attention for a moment – so that I don’t get stuck in this fast and speedy way of living – where all that matters is that I go forward; slow and steady wins the race.

When moments arise in my world, where I feel that I’d like to have a break from what I am doing, or I feel that I’d like to go and play the guitar, pet the cats, take a walk, cook some food, do something pleasurable, and enjoyable – I commit myself to give me that me-moment – unless its crucial that I finish up and walk through some commitment or responsibility that I have taken upon myself.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself those moments in my day, wherein I let go of what I am doing, and I allow myself to go and do something that I enjoy, such as for example playing with the cats, or talking with my partner, or playing some guitar – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto an idea of time effectiveness – wherein I think, perceive, and believe that my effectiveness with time is equal to how much time I spend on a particular point, instead of realizing that for my time to be effective, I must as well be effective, and I can only be effective when give myself moments of me-time – where I for a moment let go and allow myself to do something for no other reason but that I enjoy such a point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become stuck within and as a idea in my head of what it means to be effective, and to use time effectively, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in a state of anxiety that I will waste my time, and that I will not utilize my time to its fullest potential – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in holding unto and living from such a starting point – I am in-fact making my time ineffective – I am creating my fear – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not move myself within and as the natural flow of my day – and participate in points coming up without existing in this state of anxiety that ‘I must save my time’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a state of anxiety, and fear that I am going to waste my time, and that I am not going to move myself properly to take care of my responsibilities, and commitments, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in holding unto such a fear, I am creating that very fear, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself, and move through my day within and as self-trust, wherein I participate, interact and move myself within and as my responsibilities and commitments, not from a starting point of fear, but from a starting point self here – where I am here – present and moving myself in every breath to walk the points and direct the points that emerge here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in a state of distrust within myself, wherein I believe that unless I motivate myself with fear and anxiety, nothing will get done, nothing will move, and nothing will become the way I want it to become, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value, and see, and define fear as my main point of motivation, instead of accepting and allowing myself to stand as my own point of motivation, and trust that I will get done the things I set my mind to – and that I’ve already proven to myself that this is the case

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I let go of fear, that there won’t be any motivation within me anymore, that there won’t be any resolve within me anymore, and that my life will stagnate, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand how this is in-fact an idea, how it’s a perception that I’ve created, and that it’s not real – because what is real is that physical movement only requires physical energy, it requires a decision, and then I move myself according to that decision, and in that there is no fear energy required, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not let go of the fear energy, and accept and allow myself to motivate, move and direct myself according to the plans I’ve made for myself, according to what I see is practical and a priority, and as such not anymore drive myself through and as fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the consequence of driving myself within and as fear is that I will burn myself out, and that I will create physical consequences for myself, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be disciplined in stopping this fear, and each time that it comes up as a motivating factor, to take a breath, and to bring myself back here, and align myself into and as my physical body, and make the motivation of my movement, myself, wherein I stand as the motivation, I stand as the movement, I stand as the direction, I live the direction, I live the movement, and I as such do not require any energy to push my ahead

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be alert and aware as to these movements coming up within me, that I’d like for example to play some guitar, talk with my partner, be with the cats, or go out and take a walk, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress these movements within me, instead of being aware of them, and giving myself such moments, seeing, realizing and understanding that in giving myself such small moments of self-expression, I am in-fact nurturing and stabilizing myself, which will in turn make me much more effective in all of my other responsibilities that I hold in my world and reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself these small moments of expression, these small moments of me taking some time and simply enjoying myself, and expressing myself within and as a particular point, and I see, realize and understand that giving myself such moments is in-fact an investment that I make in myself, and that these small moments will support me in standing more firm and effective in other areas of my life

Self-commitments

I commit myself to give myself moments of me-time – wherein I do something that I enjoy to do – for no other purpose or reason but that I enjoy to do it; and I see, realize and understand that in giving myself these moments of expression I am supporting myself, and solidifying, and strengthening my stand in other areas of my life

I see, realize and understand that my general experience of myself is a holistic creation that involves who I am throughout my day, and that its not sustainable to only work, to only focus, to only labor, and push, but that I also require to give myself some moments where I break of my routine and do something that I enjoy – because I see, realize and understand that in order to be effective in my commitments and responsibilities – I need to care for and nurture myself, which I am able to do – through watering myself – watering here implying that I give myself these moments of enjoyment, pleasure, and unconditionally being here with myself

I commit myself to not stress through my day, and be anxious to move faster – and I commit myself to slow down and move within and as presence of breath – and see, realize and understand that I am only able to do what I am able to do in a breath – and that stress and anxiety is wholly unnecessary; thus I commit myself to move in the pace of the physical – in the pace of breath – and in the pace of my natural physical express

Enhanced by Zemanta

Enhanced by Zemanta

Day 84: Decision Making, Reality, and Fear

decisions1Oh, future – yet again I find myself immersed in these reactions towards the future. So, the context is the following: I am sitting down studying – after a while I am able to see that I am done with my studies, and this would in common sense mean that I can leave that particular moment, and proceed to the next, because I’ve walked my first responsibility to completion, it’s done. But – this is where my fears will arise: “have I studied enough?” – “what if I’m not going to be prepared for the final test because I do not dedicate this particular time my studies?” – “Can I really let myself not study now, what is going to happen if I don’t?”.

What happens here is that I go into a fear of the future, and this fear is linked with job, money, and survival, because in my specific path of studies, grades are in a sense the primary point that will determine what job you’ll be able to get in the future – thus I fear for my survival, for my future ability to access money – my personal survival.

Why is it then that I’ve not thus far been able to let this point go? What compels me to hold unto this fear, and cling to it, and try to live by it, and be guided by it – what is it about fear that has me falling into the mind again, and again?

I would say that the answer to these questions lies in my upbringing and what I observed in my parents relationship to fear. Too both of my parents fear was real, it was valid, and it should be obeyed. If fear came up within oneself this was regarded as proof that something was out of alignment, something was wrong, and that something must changed in the external reality to remove this fear. Thus, I observed my parents and re-created their patterns as myself, and here I am, stuck with loads of fear that serve no practical purpose at all.

Why is it then that I’ve not been able to let go of this fear even though I know it doesn’t serve any practical purpose? I would say that this is because when fear comes up, I don’t accept and allow myself to look at points practically, and in common sense, I just look at the fear, and then I take this experience of fear and superimpose it unto my reality, and twist, and re-arrange my direct reality in such a way that it fits with my fears, so that they are justified. I mean, for example – the point of studying: the fear comes up when I consider to stop studying that “I’ve not studied enough” – herein I will instead of look at whether I’ve effectively completed my assignments, whether I’ve integrated all the relevant knowledge, look at what might go wrong in the future, look at what I might’ve forgotten, what I might’ve missed – and thus I look at that which is illusion instead of looking at what is here – practical – real – and measurable.

Thus, fear is really only possible in a state of delusion, because when I look at what is practically here – for example in relation to walking my exams, asking myself the question: “Have I effectively integrated the curriculum, or is there some points that I am still not effective, or certain within?” – then there is no fear, it’s instead a practical assessment of what is here – and within that I can simply answer the question I’ve asked myself, and then align myself to walk the solution accordingly – whereas when fear is involved it’s just problems, what if’s, uncertainties, points that are unknown, and no solutions what-so-ever in sight.

Solution is thus to focus upon practical measurable facts, and within that to assess my reality, and make a informed decision as a solution to walk the point in a way that will bring an effective outcome.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in terms of walking my practical daily life, to focus upon what I feel as fear, and look at my world through projecting my fantasies, my fears, my uncertainties unto reality, instead of looking at what is directly here, making a direct assessment, looking at what is practically required, needed, and then act accordingly; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself honor, and validate fear as my guidance in life, instead of utilizing common sense as what is best for all, and looking at what is practical, what will work, looking at what is the state of my world, looking at probabilities, and possibilities, and within that remove fear from the equation completely.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that I don’t require, or need fear to be effective in directing myself in my daily life, and living – because what I need is in-fact only my human physical eyes, and my intellect, wherein I simply look at the state and condition of my world, and the look at the play-outs as the probabilities, and possibilities of where the current state of my world, and the movement of my world will bring me, and within that I don’t need fear, I simply need myself here – wherein I look at things objectively, without imposing any form of experience unto what is here – but simply looking

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand, that I am no way able to trust my assessments of reality when these are done in fear, and anxiety, because what happens in these instances is that I take reality and superimpose my experience unto it, which will lead me to wrongly assess my world, wherein I will only see that which fuels my experience, and that which justifies my experience, and not see the actuality of what is here – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself, to see the actuality, the physical HERE – which is not fear-based, it’s not feeling-based – it’s not an experience – it’s merely seeing what is here and then within that enabling myself to make a decision that is in alignment with the physical

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that I’ve created such a relationship towards fear, that I believe fear is always valid, and that when I look at my future in a state of fear, that this shows me the correct state of things, and that looking at things in fear is a state of prevention, or caution, because I make everything some worse than they are, and within this I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand how fear is really not helping me to see more clearly, it’s in-fact only making me misinterpret, and see things in such a light, that I am not able to effectively assess what is real, and what isn’t – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bring myself back here to and as this physical world, and reality – and within this stop fear and look at things practically, look at things in common sense, which don’t have any charge of fear to it – it’s simply me looking at things in common sense and then making a decision – so simple

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that fear is justified because my parents gave value to fear, and based their decisions upon fear, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself, because the obvious common sense is that fear is not a real point, fear doesn’t in anyway measure reality, it doesn’t show me reality, it doesn’t give me a sound, clear, and precise view of reality, it’s just fear – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not move myself from fear into this physical reality, wherein I as such look at things as they are, precisely as they are, looking at the facts, looking at what I am able to measure, look at what I am able to concretely see, and perceive with my senses, and within that cross-reference with another

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that even though I base my decisions upon fear, this will not make my decisions more effective, more cautionary, more precise, and more clear, because when I look at things in fear, I only see my fear, and not what is in-fact here as measurable physical aspects, and dimensions, and points, that do have a real physical influence upon me in my life, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to move myself into and as the physical, and look at my future, look at my responsibilities, look at what is that I require to walk, and require to implement, and require to move myself within, in order to create real solutions, real decisions that are in-fact effective, because I’ve considered all points, all probabilities, all possibilities, and not just my feelings, and fears, about a particular point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that when I give value to fear, and I consider fear in my decision making, then I forget reality, I forget the physical, I miss what is in-fact real, and this is a problem, because what has an actual influence upon my life, what is in-fact pertinent that I take into consideration in my decision making is reality – really my mind is not real because it doesn’t have a impact upon me on a physical level, but that on the other hand is the characteristic of this real physical world, with real physical consequences, real physical outflows, real physical movements; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not commit myself to become a physical living being that walk with what is real, and not with that which is illusion, and that at the end of the day, really doesn’t have a say in what is going to happen, or not happen in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that I won’t achieve more, and I won’t get better, and I won’t become more effective in my life through considering fear in my decisions, what will happen is in-fact the opposite, because when I consider fear, I do not walk with reality – as real time physical outflows – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath, and bring myself back here to my human physical body, and focus upon expanding my real time effectiveness, my real time decision making abilities, to be able to make self-honest decisions that are in alignment with reality, and thus make myself more effective in my life, in being able to see, comprehend, and understand what it is that I require to do in order to make my life that which I see is best for me, and accordingly best for all

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am making a decision out of fear, or I am at the verge of making such a decision, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize, and understand that fear will not assist and support me to make an effective decision, fear will not prevent me from making mistakes, and it will not make more cautionary in my decision making, it will just serve to make my decision aligned with a illusion and thus not be a effective decision in terms of moving myself in this real physical life, and reality; as such I commit myself to change the way I look at things as I make my decisions, to look at physical measurable points, that I can touch, and that I can verify, and from within that make my decision, and assess my world, and as such make decisions that are aligned with and as reality – so that I am able to become, and be effective within and as my life, and living in reality

Enhanced by Zemanta