Tag Archives: decision

Day 379: Whatever it takes

When we run into problems in our life’s, usually, we will try a couple of solutions, and if nothing works, conclude that there is no solution and then give up. I have been there myself many times. And then I blame the problem, or what I perceive to be the cause of the problem. It is not my fault that I have not found a solution, because look, I have tried a couple of them.

Some weeks ago I listened to a Eqafe interview that discussed this tendency in-depth.

These interviews was about drug addiction and the difference in approach between those that are able to quit and those that are not. The deciding factor was perseverance and tenacity – the willingness to do WHATEVER it takes to get through. Those that embodied that grit were able to quit drugs. They would literally try everything, religions, rehabilitation centers, prescriptions, coaches, therapists, and so on. And eventually they would find a way.

I brought this back to my own life, and my own issues, and I could see how I actually accepted many of my problems and blamed my environment, because I was not willing to do whatever it took to find a solution. I realized that if I want to change an issue, and I find it difficult to do so, then I must push myself, and that literally means, pushing myself out of my comfort zone to try any and all things in order to move myself beyond the point of stagnation.

For example, if I experience myself to be stuck in my career, and I have tried a couple of things to change things for the better, I must be willing to expand and do things that might make me feel uncomfortable. I might have to contact a career coach, I might have to completely change my current career path, I might have to look beyond the very point of ‘career’ to see if that is really what I need, or whether there is something else, deeper down, that is bothering me. The thing is that I must be willing to do whatever it takes. Otherwise, it is obviously no surprise that things will stay the same. If I only try half-halfheartedly, do a push here and there, and then go into blame, things will remain the same, that is for sure.

Thus, change is possible. We can change most things about ourselves and this world. Whether we are able to do it or not, that is something that is mostly related to our approach, and the depth of our decision. Do we really mean it when we tell ourselves that, I am going to change this point!


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Day 368: Making the Decision to Change

I looked at a documentary by Louis Theroux recently called the Dark States (find a preview here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gCClVhtJY5w) about heroine addiction. Louis Theroux follows a couple of persons around for a period of time. Among these people are several heroine addicts and a recovered heroine addict. From listening to these people it was clear that heroine addiction is a very difficult addiction to break. It is tied up with not only mental pain but also severe physical withdrawal pains. Of the people that decide to go into recovery treatment only about 10 % are able to fully move away from the clutches of the addiction.

At one point Louis Theroux asks a interesting question to the recovered heroine addict. He asks, what is the difference, why was he able to do it and not the others? The recovered addict explained that the costs of his addiction exceeded the pleasure he received and that is when he decided to quit. He also explained that his decision was complete and that he was willing to do whatever required to get through – and he did not think two times about it – there was no doubt – he was certain.

The present addicts were asked the question if they did not want to quit as well. Their answers lacked clarity. Some said that they wanted to quit some day. Others said that it was too difficult to quit – there were too many side effects. One addict said that he liked the drug addiction and that he did not want to quit. What was common among them was that there was no clear decision. Rather, they looked at themselves in relation to the addiction with complacency and defeatism – they had already given up on themselves.

Comparing the recovered addicts with the present addicts I saw that the difference between them had to do with their decision. The recovered addict had a clear and final decision – he decided to change and to do EVERYTHING in his power to reach his goal. The present addicts had not made a decision at all. They were still following their addiction and could only give voice to a desire to quit, or in some instances, were only able to justify their abuse, thus having suppressed even the desire within them to move beyond their current lifestyle.

The DECISION – whatever we want to achieve – the clarity, strength, and power of our DECISION is very important to the outcome. It is also about sticking to that decision – being willing to go through whatever it takes to get to the final destination – hence – PERSEVERANCE. However in a sense – our willingness and determination to stick to our decision is also related to the quality, the depth, and the clarity of our decision. If we decide upon something WHOLLY with our complete being, body and mind – understanding why we do it, and what we are willing to do to achieve – then our decision will assist and support us to move through the difficult times.

Personally I have never had to recover from a heroine addiction, thus I cannot know what any of these people that were covered in the documentary goes through. Though I have made a couple of life altering decisions myself – one of them being to get an education and move into a particular career path. I made that decision and I have now walked this decision for almost 7 years. For me, what stands out with regards to the decision I made, was the certainty I experienced myself. I was clear on what I wanted – I understood WHY and saw the GOAL – and I knew where I wanted to go. Compared to other decisions that I have made, where I have fallen, this has been the main difference.

In seeing this documentary I have become inspired to investigate a couple of points that effect me negatively, where I have made some decisions to change, though where I have eventually fallen back on my decisions. And I am able to see, that in a way, these decisions have not been made with my FULL intent and my ENTIRE being. Thus – what I want to practice is to start making decisions that stand – decisions that I make completely and that I then stand by and walk them through into completion and physical manifestation. I see that me acquiring such a skill of decision making will assist and support me a lot in life – and empower me as an individual.


Day 447: Self-Determination

Today I want to open up the word self-determination. In international law there exist a right of self-determination. It is defined in the context of the right for a group of people to decide their own direction/destiny. For example, the right for Swedish people to decide their own direction and not be bothered by other countries stepping in, and making decisions for the Swedish people.

In the context of SELF – self-determination, as I see it, is about me deciding WHO I AM. And this is not a right, it is a decision. The decision must be made in every moment, because otherwise, someone or something else will determine me. Especially in today’s world, where there a literally billions of distractions/temptations that all want a piece of our attention/life, it is important to be self-determined.

What does it mean to be self-determined? An example would be, that if I walk into a room, and in this room there are a couple of angry people that start to yell and scream at me – the principle of self-determination would be lived out through me deciding what word I am going to live and thus not accepting and allowing myself to REACT to the reactions/energies of the people in the room. Hence, it is about ACTING instead of REACTING.

And what does it mean to act instead of react? To act is a movement that comes from within self – there is clarity and understanding – acting is an expression of and as self and not merely something that is motivated and driven from within and as a energy. Hence, there is a distinct difference between acting and reacting, between self-determination and weak-mindedness. The difficult part of self-determination is pushing through those moments of reaction that will occur, because the reaction is tempting, it is the easy way, what feels right. If someone says or does something mean unto us, hell, we want to get back, because, it is the right thing to do? It is the just thing to do? However – it is clearly not the BEST thing to do. A self-determined act is thus never about making things even – it is about acting from the heart – seeing what is best – and realizing that potential practically.

It cannot be stressed enough – that self-determination is a key factor in being able to stand stable and solid in this world. Without self-determination we will be thrown around on the roller-coaster of life, with ups and downs, failures and successes, highs and lows. With self-determination, the ups and downs of life are immaterial – because regardless of what happens – I DECIDE who I am – I DETERMINE who I am. And thus, in the face of successes and failures, I am determined to remain STABLE – in the face of ups and downs – I am determined to remain clear – because I decide to live/do what is best for me.

There is no life path that is going to give me a stable/easy/predictable life – if I want stability in my life – I will have to live it and determine it for and as myself.

 


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Day 441: Making Plans and Following Them

I like making plans. In-fact it makes me excited to consider the potentials of the future, what I can do with it, what goals can be realized and what directions can be taken. Though, what is more difficult for me is to stick with the plan. It is also harder for me to plan my day-to-day life – you know – the small apparently insignificant things we have to tend to. To me, this indicates one thing, and that is that planning is not yet a word/expression that I am living as a grounded and realistic approach to life. It is still more of a form of entertainment rather than a practical tool to be used in making myself and my daily living more streamlined and effective.

One example that comes to mind, that exemplifies my tendency to ‘winging it’ instead of structuring my approach, is that I do not tend to look in my almanac throughout my week. And that in itself is a tell, because guess what, I usually sit down and map out my week, in my almanac. Though when it comes to applying it throughout the week, I rely on my good memory, and improvise a lot as well. However, this causes me to forget what I have planned, miss responsibilities and ‘to-do’s’.

Though, there is yet another reason why I do not tend to look in the almanac throughout my week, and that is a underlying stress, a sense of urgency, where I do not feel as if I have the time to stop up and make any plans, or for that matter, check up upon and follow the plans that I have already made. However, I do understand on a theoretical level, and I have also seen it in practice, that when I plan and streamline my day, this helps me to be more efficient with my time, to get more done, and to move more smoothly through my day.

Thus, the points I want to work with regards to the word planning/structure is to be realistic when I make my plans, to push myself to plan, and follow my plans, with regards to my day-to-day living.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become excited when I make my plans, and to make them too ambitious, too lofty, where I become excited over the fact that I can plan, imagine and think things up, however, not considering the practical living of the plan – and also taking into consideration WHO I AM as a person, and what would be realistic for me to live

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not follow through on the plans that I make, because when it comes to following through, I no longer have that exciting energy within me, and now, it is all physical, and it is all about discipline, and it as all about

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire my plans to live for me, to hope that when I have made a plan, that it is enough and that I do not have to do anymore, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire plans so that I can feel comfortable in knowing that I am going to go forward with my life – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that plans are only what I make of them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that plans are a direction in and as themselves, not seeing, realizing and understanding, that the direction, the movement, it will always be ME – plans is only ever a tool that I am able to use in order to structure and create an overview in my life and make it easier for me to stand as the direction and stand as the movement in my life – and stand as the way forward – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not use plans as a support tool and not something upon which I rely to move myself forward

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my plans are my guide, that my plans are what should move me forward, that my plans are what will move me through life, that I can place trust and reliance on my plans – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become excited and joyful when I make plans because I believe that they are actually going to be realized automatically and that I am going to achieve everything that I think about and look at – not seeing, realizing and understanding, that my plans will not do such a thing, that I will have to stand as the point of direction in my life and my life forward – no plan will do that for me

Self-commitment statements

I commit myself to live the word planning through structuring my daily living in a realistic and grounded way, where I plan and streamline my day-to-day commitments and responsibilities in a supportive manner

I commit myself to follow through on what I have planned, to actively look at my calendar and my to-do list, to use it as a support and a reference point, from which I move myself

When and as I see myself going into a state of ‘winging’ it – a state of stress and anxiety, where I do not want to spend time on planning, referencing my plans, or following my plans, because I feel that it takes too much time, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that planning does take time, though it is something that will pay back, because when I plan, I create a overview, and I create a foundation for efficiency and expression – because I know where I am, where I am going and what is required to be done – and thus I commit myself to stop up, take a breath and commit time each day to planning my movement and my time


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Day 414: Redefining: Physical

After listening to the Eqafe interview Location of Existential Physical Process I have decided to redefine the word PHYSICAL.

How have I lived the word?

Physical, is a word, that I primarily see as a noun or adjective – hence not an action – but rather a passive object or description. Obviously you are able to use the word as a verb, such as: ‘Let’s get physical’ – though that is about the only example I know. Hence, to LIVE the word PHYSICAL – is something I have yet to explore.

However, I have since starting the Desteni I Process been continually practicing physical presence, being AWARE of the physical. I have done that through pushing myself to breath with awareness, and through being aware of my body, from the tip of my fingers to the tip of my toes – and that is something that have challenged me a lot – at the same time it has also been very enjoyable. This is the closest I get to living the word PHYSICAL.

Otherwise, physical, is something that I see as what I can tangibly touch, see or smell – it is something that interacts with my physical body or in my physical body – something that I am able to sense and experience with and through my body.

Sounding the word

Fuse-The-Cell
Fuss-In-Call
Fuse-Call
Fusion–Call
Cyst–In–All
Fuse–All
Fuse–I–All
First–I–All
First–I-Call

Etymology

early 15c., “of or pertaining to material nature” (in medicine, opposed to surgical), from Medieval Latin physicalis “of nature, natural,” from Latin physica “study of nature” (see physic). Meaning “pertaining to matter” is from 1590s; meaning “having to do with the body, corporeal” is attested from 1780. Meaning “characterized by bodily attributes or activities” is attested from 1970. Physical education first recorded 1838; abbreviated form phys ed is from 1955. Physical therapy is from 1922. Related: Physically.

Creative Writing

Physical – when I take this word within me and look at it – I get the sense of and endless ocean of darkness – silence – there is a deep and contented steadiness to the word – and it feels as if the word is solid – manifest – complete – the foundation from which everything springs and moves. The physical is not only about what can be sensed – it is about that deep connection within the human physical body – that goes deep, deep, into a dark and timeless calm.

Standing and living as the word PHYSICAL – would thus be to bring that deep and timeless calm up within me – and practicing that stance/living/expression within me as I go through my days – seeing, realizing and understanding that these shallow, hasty, rushes of positive and negative energy, that moves about, they are not relevant, neither are they of any consequence, in comparison to the endless depth of the PHYSICAL. Hence – bringing this word up within me can be of great support when I notice that I am loosening my balance and direction – and where I notice and see myself – falling into the trap of some experience or energy.

Redefining the word

The deep and timeless matter from which all originates


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Day 413: Putting Ourselves Out There

Lately I have met many interesting people, with new views and perspectives on reality, that would assist and support if they became common knowledge. However, a point that I have realized as of late, is the importance of making sure that one share those ideas/perspectives in some way with the world. And there are unfortunately only a few of these people, with valuable insights and knowledge, that share themselves with the world, in mediums that will be accessible for many people, or in some other way make themselves known in a way that would affect a larger mass of people.

The perfect example of this I would say is politics. Many of us see parts of society that are able to be improved, we see solutions and we see new ways of tackling long standing problems. However, few of us bring that knowledge/insight into the public sphere – into the sphere of politics. Instead, we blame the current politicians for not solving the problems. And instead of us contributing, we stand back, and feel good about ourselves for being able to see the problems, while not standing up, to offer and work on tangible, concrete and long-term solutions.

It is thus a fascinating pattern of self-sabotage, our tendency to stand back, not share ourselves, not put ourselves out there, and then to blame others for not doing, what we see we could do, if we would have stood up and moved ourselves. Fascinating, and also, unnecessary and very destructive. Because how much could we not have changed, if all those capable, would have stood up and moved themselves?

Hence, what I have come to see, realize and understand in my process of self-change, is the importance of taking part, participating in the world and the current system, regardless of how it is done. To make sure that I do not isolate myself in a group where my sphere of influence remains limited, but that I push myself to move outwards. And that is something I do through blogging, though it does not really matter how it is done, it could be through vlogging or meetings in the physical, and it can be done anonymously – the point of importance is to is to in some way GET OUT THERE and BE an active PARTICIPANT in the shaping and creating of our current society and world.

Being an active PARTICIPANT – that is what I see as living with PASSION = Pass-It-On. Living with passion entails making sure that my strengths are shared with the world, that I pass them on, that I show and stand as an example. Because that is what I would have liked others to do for me. If I have a weakness, and someone else is strong in that area of their life, I would have wanted them to make sure that they share themselves and through that, show me, how I am able to transform my weaknesses into a strength.

Because fact is that no man is an island. We do live in a community, we are dependent on each-other, and hence, as a community, we will only ever be as strong as the weakest among us. That is why we ourselves also have an interest in making sure that we are heard, that we share ourselves and that we voice ourselves – because at the end of the day – that will also benefit us.


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Day 404: Learning From Mistakes

Today I had a situation at home where I reacted in irritation/frustration because I felt sidestepped and disregarded – while at the same time slightly jealous because I experienced it as if someone else for a moment stole my moment in the limelight. While still in a reaction, I shared this with the other person, which then caused a reaction in the other as well. Afterwards I justified my reaction, and how I had spoken it out loud by saying that it was a ‘common sense’ point and that it ‘needed’ to be said. However – I can now see that my point was not really that important – and even if it had been important – I could have shared my perspective in a more calm and supportive way.

The reaction in itself had built for a couple of moments, starting from backchat, where the main point was that of thinking about how the actions of another caused ‘inefficiencies’ in my life – and from there triggering irritation – leading up to saying within myself that ‘I must bring this point up with the other person’. And then when I finally spoke about the point, it did not at all come out as coherent, understandable or common sense – because what took precedence was my reaction – I felt irritated and side-stepped. And that is something I find to be a tell-sign of when I am in a reaction – the point I am making is not grounded in the physical – and hence everything I try to tell and share will be equally unclear and muffled.

After the situation I started to experience guilt and shame because of how I had expressed myself. I did not like to look at myself in the mirror, and recognize what I had done – I initially wanted to believe/think that I had some form of valid reason behind my action. However, this is not the case, there was no valid reason behind it. The reason was that I had made up and used as a justification to allow me to live out and express the reaction.

So – what can I learn from this?

Firstly – and this cannot be said too many times – do not follow my own inner chatter – do not believe my own inner chatter – do not make decisions according to my own inner chatter – instead – BREATHE – because it is in BREATHING that there is stability and common sense. Inner backchat does not have any standing when it comes to giving me clear and grounded perspectives and suggestions as to how I should move and deal with my reality.

Secondly – to not take side-stepping personally – to not react personally when I feel that someone is taking my spot, doing my thing, taking charge of my position – it does not define who I am – and I do not require to protect myself. Neither do I need to fight to retain and keep my standing – because what am I really trying to protect? What am I really trying to defend? Is it not all an illusion in-fact? Best thus to remind myself that what goes on out there – it does not define my inner reality unless I accept and allow it. Hence there is no need to push to keep my reality set in a specific way in the belief that I will lose value and worth if it changes. In this reality, things go up and down, sometimes I am praised, other times I replaced, and in other instances I will be erased – however – it DOES NOT define who I am – that is the point to remember.

And then when it comes to actually supporting others in my environment and myself – to share common sense in stability and not make it personally because that shifts me into emotion instead of sticking with practical physical movement and change in the moment.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personally when I am not gaining confidence, when I am not placed in a position of leadership and importance, with regards to points that I feel I am the best equipped to handle – and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my ability and opportunity to learn, to acquire new skills, to grow and move as a person in my life and with regards to what I do through failure

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become emotional and feel the need to protect myself and my position, my stature and standing, believing that I can be toppled unless I fiercely and defiantly make sure to push away anyone coming close to taking me down – in this not seeing, realizing and understanding that I am paranoid, and that I am fighting against my own fears – and that there in-fact no reason for me to exist within this constant mode of fighting

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to no care for the people in my life one and equal – to not consider them one and equal – and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the presence of people in my life for granted – to see and treat them as props in ‘my life’ – not seeing, realizing and understanding how much I am able to learn from people in my life – and what relationships that I am able to developed if I push myself to be something more within myself – something more in the sense of actually being real, genuine and self-honest

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being open and vulnerable – to fear investing myself in life and fully taking part in living life – fully taking part in getting to know people and letting them inside of myself in the sense of letting myself be receptive and open to new expressions, new insights, new information, new ways of doing things – and hence push myself to continuously expand and move

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not really listen to or take people seriously – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not really be HERE – to not really be in reality – but continuously be somewhere else in my mind – where I believe there is more to be found – however not seeing, realizing and understanding, that in spending time in my mind – I am separating myself from reality, from what is here, from the physical, and hence not allowing myself to get to know and be close to – and interact with and learn from PHYSICAL reality as it is HERE

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself going into a reaction fear towards other human beings, where I then want to enter a ‘isolation mode’ and push others away in order to feel more secure and safe within myself – I take a breath and bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I cannot transcend and walk through this fear by running away from it – and fact is that the only way I will get better at people and social relationships – and learn how to make myself within them REAL and learn how to live empathy, and how to appreciate and truly care for others, is by placing myself in situations with people – and thus I commit myself to enter into the dragon – to walk into the midst and learn to stand through exposing myself to that which I find is difficult and that is outside of my zone of comfort until I am comfortable and able to direct the point


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