Tag Archives: decisions

Day 373: Big Decisions

Will things change when my environment change, or will my environment change when I change? And is it even possibly to change my environment long term if I have not changed who I am?

When it comes to making big decisions about my life, my modus operandi has followed a somewhat similar pattern each time: First step in this pattern would be dissatisfaction with my current situation, Second step would be establishing the new ideal situation in my mind, Third step would be to desire/want/dream of this new ideal, and the Fourth step would be to realize it in the physical. Then there is actually a fifth step to the pattern, and that is where I become disappointed and dissatisfied with my new environment, and so that will be a fuel to yet again ignite and restart the pattern.

Obviously, there is a problem with this way of creating, because instead of basing decisions on a stable, practical consideration, looking at and establishing what would be best for me, the decision is made haphazardly, based on irrational feelings and emotions. And they are irrational because these energies are mostly based/formed/defined arbitrarily, and most often, it is not about the decision per say, it is about something else, a deeper issue.

An example of my own life would be how I have had a tendency to want to move, change environments, jobs, friends, change whatever, when I feel that I have gotten to know all dimensions, and there is no more ‘excitement’ or ‘exploration’ to be experienced. When my relationship with the point started to become more routine, that is when I would draw back, and move on. This obviously shows me one character flaw of mine, that I have had a tendency to wait for my environment to stimulate me, wait for relationships to create something in me, instead me moving myself to give, share and be open and intimate with others. Thus, instead of me asking myself what I am able to give, or pushing myself to, instead of expecting to receive, deepen my relationship, be creative and see what I am able to bring to open up new doors.

Thus, what I have seen is that, when there are reactions towards my environment, the solution is not to change environment, the solution is to look within and change self. Because, regardless of how many times I change my environment, if I do not deal with the underlying, origin issues, things will never change, I will always go back into the pattern, and yet again have to make a decision that is not entirely clear, and stable.

Learn more about this way of living:

Day 366: Self-Forgiveness On Fear of Making Decisions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be directive in my process of creation with regards to money and career

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to rely on others to direct my career and my decisions with regards to career, so that I can feel safe, in the belief that I cannot rely on myself to make such decisions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot rely on myself to make decisions with regards to my survival, my future, and my career, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get stuck in doubt, in passiveness, in fear, instead of directing myself to make decisions and stand by them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be directive in my decision making process with regards to my future, earning money and creating a career for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself back in my application of creating a career for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to be the one making the decisions, in fear that I will stand with the consequence, not seeing, realizing and understanding, that regardless of whether I trust another to make a decision for me, it is I that will have to stand with the consequence and walk it through

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear creating consequences for myself by making bad decisions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making bad decisions and see it as a solution to not make any decisions at all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being clear and direct with myself in communication and decision making – to be direct with myself, what I want, where I am going, and to not make things more complicated than what they need to be – to focus on the simplicity of seeing things DIRECT here and making decisions according to that

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk around in circles with the same information regurgitating it over and over again – not seeing, realizing and understanding that it will not help me – that the only thing I can do to help myself will be to deal with the undercurrent – with what is going on below the surface

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not deal with the undercurrent and what is going on below the surface – and in this case the undercurrent is fear of failure – and instead of dealing with fear of failure – comparison – competition – I have projected these experiences into my life – into decisions that I am able to make – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how the solution is to deal with the undercurrent of fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it is pointless to again regurgitate the mind experience, trying to reach the most perfect of all decisions, because at the end of the day, it will mean nothing at all, it will only cause things to take longer, because I am not dealing with the core point that is moving within me – which in this case is fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I will not be able to escape the core point through making awesome plans, because it is not about the plan, it is about who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that I will be able to push, drive, and with fever, attempt to fulfill and make the absolute best decisions possible – however – at the end of the day it will not mean anything at all – because I have not dealt with the undercurrent – and thus I will doubt my decision, fear it, and end up giving up – because I am not standing stable within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that certainty in decision making does not arise from a good plan, it arise from within me and WHO I AM – where I stand fearless in relation to the plan I have created for and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that being fearless is the key to be able to make a decision, stick with it, and follow it through till the end

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself starting to think about, and regurgitate a decision, a point that I have already walked and researched sufficiently, I immediately stop myself, take a breath and bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that I am now trying to find a solution to this problem, to my inability to stand with and by my decision, through more research, and more investigation, and more questioning, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that it is not a solution – that it will not assist and support – and that in-fact – the only way I can assist and support me will be through dealing with the undercurrent – the fear that lies behind it all – and thus I commit myself to instead look behind the backchat and see what emotion is moving within – and use the moment to apply self-forgiveness and find a self-corrective statement that I can live instead

Day 315: Missing Me In My Decisions

Today I had a listen to two interviews on Eqafe:

These two interviews are about points that we face when it comes to big decisions, such as deciding upon a career, where to live, or what relationship to go into. The primary experience that is discussed is the fear of making the wrong decision, where this experience comes from,  how, and why it is created.

I can now see that the one point holding me back from seeing with clarity is that I do not accept and allow myself to consider MYSELF in the decisions that I make. It is easy for me to make a decision, set a goal, and then will myself to achieve it, without asking myself, and looking within myself at what it is that I would actually want – or rather – what would be BEST for me? What would ENHANCE and EMPOWER me? What would make me BEST for and as myself?

For example, when it comes to looking at my future, I have not asked myself what direction would best fit my beingness, my way of expressing and sharing myself, and instead, I have looked at the practicalities, and the practicalities only. There is also my relationship with myself to consider, and this relationship is not based solely on what is practical, there is something more to it, and that more is WHO I AM as a being, how I genuinely express and experience my life.

I am grateful that I have been able to now see, and define from where this reaction of uncertainty arise, because it reveals a lot. I can see how this way of approaching life arise from inflexibility, ideals, ideas, and judgments towards myself, where I do not consider WHO I AM, but rather make a logical assessment in my mind of where I should go, and then start creating my life according to that. And possibly, this is also why I many times change my mind, because I am not FULLY here in what I am doing. I have not accepted and allowed myself to also look at MY relationship to the point, WHO I AM, in relationship to my life, my career, and other decisions that arise in my daily living.

There is a solution, and that is to when I look at future play-outs, and I notice the fear of making a wrong decision come up within me, that I then stop myself, take a breath, and ask myself: Who am I within this? Does this fit, enhance, support and develop me and my being? Is this where I want to go and where I see myself being and becoming the best that I can become?

Day 241: Existential Anxiety

Do you feel stressed? Do you have this experience of stress because you feel that you must ‘use’ life to it’s maximum, yet the time just seem to be slipping away from you? Do you feel like life is moving away day by day and no matter how much you try to retain the time, be effective with it, and do the most; it just streams downwards, days becomes weeks, weeks becomes months, and months years, and so it goes through the years?

existential_anxietyI define this type of experience that is described above as ‘existential anxiety’ – which is basically the understanding and realization that life on earth is limited in time – though instead of seeing that as a fact it becomes a point of conflict. For me the conflict exists within my desire to do and achieve things, versus the point of not being able to do so (aka death). Thus, the misalignment that exists here, and that is the cause of this existential anxiety, is the point of me defining myself according to what I want to do and achieve – instead of walking in this world but not being OF this world.

For example, one of the points that I want to manifest in my life is to become a lawyer; now this is a point that takes a lot of effort, and patience to bring into physical manifestation – many years of work. In order to walk this point you’ve to dedicate yourself – though this hasn’t really been the issue – instead the conflict has arisen in relation to me wanting to do other things with my life as well – not only lawyering. And because the point of creating a career takes up lots of space in my schedule, it becomes difficult to make time for other goals that I also wish to have manifest in my life.

Thus, conflict ensues, a conflict that has it’s roots in the unrealistic mindset of “I want/can to do everything!” – because obviously: This mindset of “I want/can to do everything” is NOT in alignment with physical reality and time – because in this world you do have a certain amount of time, and with it you can only do a set amount of things. Hence you can’t do everything you want to do, you must make some DECISIONS and then prioritize your time – and within that come to peace with the fact that you will unavoidably “miss out” on other life paths that you could’ve taken.

So, life as it’s currently set-up forces you to make decisions, to decide on a hand, and play that hand – now – this is unavoidable – and due to the nature of time you can’t play with more cards than what the rules allow – you are forced to make a decision. This is reality – THOUGH – the real question is – must we react to this reality? Must we exist within this experience of existential anxiety? Do we have to run around chasing time for us to be able to do as much as possible, and constantly feel conflicted about not doing enough?

The answer is NO – and here I will give the solution and key that we can live to transcend existential anxiety: The solution is to in our daily lives walk according to the words/phrase “be in this world but not of this world” – so, what does this phrase imply?

Well, it means that we walk in this world, we make our decisions, select our path, and our direction, and we create our reality to be a certain way – where for example I will probably experience my reality in the role of a lawyer – BUT – this role, this position, the life I lead – it doesn’t define ME – it doesn’t limit ME – instead I stand with myself, in breath, and in every moment I make sure that I express myself, which is something that I can do everywhere regardless of what circumstance or situation I find myself in. This point of expression isn’t limited to my circumstances – because expression is WHO I AM.

Thus the key is to walk, and participate in this system, yet understand that what we do in this world can’t ever define the entirety of WHO WE ARE as beings – for a moment we play a role, and go into a position, and we live out a certain life – even still – WE ARE HERE – and regardless of what I do, the most important relationship that I have to tend to and direct will be that with myself – and this will not change REGARDLESS of where I am – the questions I ask myself will always be the same: Who am I? Where am I? Where am I going? Why am I? – And these can only be answered effectively one moment at a time through me being self-honest with myself.

To summarize: Existential anxiety is something we create through defining ourselves according to what we do, and believing that we have to limit ourselves as being dependent on what job we have, what purpose we’ve given to ourselves, and what general direction we’ve decided to walk into – but the truth is that – we don’t have to limit ourselves. We can walk, and be IN this world but not OF this world – meaning that we walk this lifetime within the understanding the physical reality has certain unavoidably limitations – yet we don’t accept and allow these limitations to define who we are as beings, and how we exist within ourselves, and how we create our relationship with ourselves.

Day 8: Money and Decisions

Today I’ve faced some decisions in regards to buying new stuff – and this have been accompanied by some interesting reactions, which I took the time to investigate as I walked home from school – through applying self-forgiveness, and self-commitments out loud.

money-girlSo – the point I’ve faced is to buy a new computer – I knew that my computer had to have certain system characteristics and that it would be quite expensive to buy – and this was due to what I was going to use the computer for. Within looking at the various models of computers that there were for me to choose between – I noticed that I had a tendency towards being attracted to the most expensive computer – because I thought that “this computer would be the best!”.

At the same time as I had this desire within me towards the most expensive computer – I also experienced a fear towards buying the most expensive computer because it would mean that I would “loose the most money” – and so in that conflicted experience – my attention began to wander to a less expensive computer. Yet – within looking at and considering buying the less expensive computer – another fear arose within me; “what if this computer isn’t good enough?” – and as such I was completely stuck in this back and forth game in my mind where particular fears, and desires was interlocked into a battle with each-other.

On top of this I experienced some guilt for considering to buy a new and expensive computer, and also some excitement towards the prospect of owning a brand new computer – so all in all – the event with buying a new computer can be summarized with the word: Mess!

As I walked home from my school I began looking at this point more intently – and I came to some realizations: the first point I saw was that I did trust these particular experiences to guide me through the process of buying a new computer – and I listened to, and considered these various experiences as they came up within me – believing that they somehow “knew what I needed” – the reality of the situation is that – these experiences that came up have nothing to do with making a effective purchase – as these experiences do not consist of empirical evidence and factual information – it’s only experiences coming up within me that do not have any relationship with reality in-fact.

Within this I saw that to make a effective decision in relation to buying a new computer – I’d to let go of my desire – and I’d to let go of my fears – because both of these points were literately non-sense – meaning that they had not contact, or relationship with actual physical reality.

I also saw the interesting point that – I’d not really and clearly defined what I was going to use my computer for – and thus exactly what the requirements for my computer had to be – so I was more buying the computer because I felt that I need it – not because I knew that – I will need my computer for these points specifically.

Thus – I applied self-forgiveness on these points – and made a commitment to myself to not react to these event of buying the computer – but instead consider cold and hard facts – that which is not debatable – that which is not a matter of opinion – but that which is the real situation that I am facing.

This assisted me a lot – and as I arrived home – I sat down by my computer and bought the new computers – I didn’t take the most expensive, or the cheapest – instead I took one that I was certain was going to suit my needs – and that wasn’t “too good” – and that wasn’t “too bad” – but simply in alignment with what I require to utilize my computer for.

The point I learned in this was that – even though the experiences that come up in my mind might feel real – and as if they do seem to be an important aspect to take into consideration in terms of making a decision – really – they are not – they are NOT physical – they are NOT practical – and obviously – I’ve not designed them – or created them – I got no clue where they come from – and thus it would be utter stupidity to blindly trust these points to create my reality for me.

Herein – what I am able to learn from this and take with me – is that when I experience any form of reaction in relation to making a decision – it’s supportive to first clear, and remove any reactions through utilizing self-forgiveness, and self-commitment statements – and then – correcting myself – and making a decision that is practical – and based upon cold and hard facts.

Enhanced by Zemanta