Tag Archives: define

Day 392: Reminders and Motivation

One point that I have found challenging in my process is to keep pushing and finding new ways to expand in times when things are working alright. This is probably true with most areas of life. When everything is fine – there is no need to put in any extra effort to make things better. Its easy that the vision of what we want to creates becomes blurred by the comfortableness of every-day life. Thus – one of the things we can do to assist and support ourselves to us on track and moving towards the future we want, both for ourselves, and everyone else, is to use reminders.

For me personally, my greatest support is a document that I have created on my computer, where I have listed the direction and goals of my life and specified areas of improvement. From time to time I revisit the document to look at what I want for myself. Then I can see in writing my own direction – and it becomes evident to me where I have slackened, and where I do not push myself sufficiently. I do this not only with goals in my external reality, but also goals in my process – such as what kind of person I want to become, what kind of stability I want to have within me, what kind of life I want to give to myself and those around me – what words I want to live. That is one of the beauties of writing – when memory fails – writing does not – it always remains the same – from the moment it has been written.

Thus keeping a list as the one mentioned above is a powerful support to remind me of what I want to achieve – it does however not support in creating a motivation to realize and fulfill those points. That motivation and drive must be found elsewhere. In my case – I draw motivation from the process and challenge of expansion – especially with my external reality – I find joy in walking the demanding path of manifesting a creation. Even if the act is rudimentary – let us say that I have made it a goal for myself to keep my house in a certain condition and that I this have to clean it – I can make the act of cleaning in itself  become expansive and enjoyable by placing focus on how I am able to improve and expand on the small aspects of the skill.

There is literally room for expansion everywhere and likewise joy to be found in most parts of life – though in order to see it – we have to be present – HERE – and willing to push through the initial resistances. If I take cleaning again – there are several aspects of this act that I can utilize to bring through motivation and within me:

  1. I can focus on improving my cleaning, becoming more specific, exact and detailed,
  2. I can place attention on the results – how I am creating the life I want with my hands,
  3. I can use the time to develop a relationship and gratefulness to my home and my possessions – revisiting them and seeing in what shape and condition they are in,
  4. I can develop body awareness by using the movements and applications of cleaning as a way to feel myself, my body, my breath, and my environment, the shape, the texture, the experience of everything.

With this list I want to show that it is possible to find a spark of self within most aspects of our life – we can find that speck of excitement and build on it and use it to develop a deep and recurring motivation, movement and direction. It is all about our starting point.

One common problem that many of us face is that we wait for motivation to come to us instead of us creating it. This is particularly true when it comes to work and career. It is commonly accepted that we must find and focus upon a career that we experience excitement and joy towards. However, what is not considered is that there are many of us that are not able to find joy in any career or work – it is simply not in our make up. Those of us in that position tend to wait for motivation to come to us – to wait for the right career to open up. Though waiting for that magical day is not a solution – in my experience – that day never comes. I have found that I have to create my own joy, my own motivation within what I do – I must establish my drive – my reason. This perspective is empowering – because it places the power to create into my own hands – instead of waiting – I decide to create. Instead of waiting to find – I define.

Thus to me – I see motivation as something I must establish and create within me – and I view myself as capable of creating motivation in anything I take part in. It takes a bit of effort – though it is possible. And I do this through establishing what within what I do that I enjoy and find meaningful – and then I focus on that point and allow my expression to come through. That point can be almost anything and it is seldom immediately connected to the literal application found in a particular type of career – usually it something deeper and more intimate. Such as it the case with cleaning – it is not really the act of cleaning that I enjoy – however – I do enjoy being specific and exact with my possessions and developing a supportive and deep relationship with my home – and that is where I draw my motivation.


Advertisements

Day 366: What is success to me?

What is success to me?

It is an important question, because unless I know and I am clear on what is success for me personally, then how will I be able to achieve it? It is not possible. I will instead chase mirages, success as defined and seen by others, and not live according to my self-honesty.

The question has arisen within me due to reactions that have come up within when I am confronted with friends, acquaintances, that I feel have begun to climb the ladder of success, and that has achieved positions of high stature. It could also be that they have achieved fame or notoriety in some other way. The reaction is still the same, it is that of jealousy and fear. Jealousy that I have not achieved their position, and fear that I might have wasted/missed my opportunities to place myself in such a successful point.

Thus, the fascinating thing is that my desire is not directed towards achieving their position from a point of wanting to have their experience, as could be the case if someone has a job that I would like and find interesting. My desire more has to do with gaining the position in order to impress upon and show others that I have been able to achieve such a position/standing of success. That is what it is all about, wanting the positive attention that I perceive someone is receiving in the particular position.

In analyzing this desire/jealousy and bringing it back to myself, I can conclude that I would not have experienced jealousy/desire if I would have felt that I am receiving a sufficient amount of attention/validation/confirmation in my current position. That begs the question, why is it that I feel I need my success/live/movement in this world to be validated by others? That is in-fact a serious limitation, as I will continuously only pursue that which I suspect I will be able to get my validation and attention. And when those things have subsided, I will drop my venture, and yet again go searching for a way to achieve the attention/validation/respect I feel that I deserve. I have played this loop out a couple of times.

The solution is to define my own success and to practice validating myself – to stop myself from comparing my life – what I do – my skills – my future – to that of others – as it will only ever cause me to go astray and miss what is important to me – what is my success. And there will obviously still be the temptation to continue in old tracks. Though it is clear that when I am constantly looking out there at what everyone else is doing, then how will I ever be able to focus at what I am doing? How will I be able to focus at where I want to go, what I want to do? It is not possible – hence the importance of letting others do what they are doing, and developing within me the skill of validating and recognizing myself.

What is success to me?

To me success is to care for myself and others. It is to choose a direction in life based on where I am able to best support myself and others to be the best they can be. Success to me is also to challenge the status quo and to contribute to a change in how the system operates. Further, it is a success for me to dedicate myself to my process of self-creation – to stick to this process, to continue to develop myself, to expand, to move and to walk it until it is done.

When I live these words in my life – that is success to me.

 


Day 344: Removing Projections

Future projections and dreams, if I have realized one thing in this process, it is how easily we can deceive ourselves by accepting and allowing ourselves to participate in the idea of a more fulfilling future. It is soooo easy – one moment when we lose touch with our breath – and a imagination regarding future comes up – and whoop – we are gone with the wind. The treacherous thing about future projections is that they are usually accompanied with some form of positive experience. Hence it is easy to believe that future projections is a positive/good/empowering pattern within ourselves. However, that is not the case, because the consequence of future projections is: Waiting instead of acting, not committing to what is here, not participating with what is here, and hoping instead of living. Basically, future projections makes us slave to a mental projection in our minds, and does not support us to LIVE.

Let me give you a practical example from my own life. During my university studies I found within me a deep and passionate love for learning. I enjoyed to read, to take in information, and to push myself to excel in my studies. However, while I was doing this, at the same time, there was within me a projection, an idea of where I was supposed to go in the future. Without me seeing it at the time, I was through holding unto that projection, my idea of what profession I would enter, what future I was supposed to have, and what I wanted to experience, already conditioning my relationship to my studies. I developed a tendency of only committing myself to certain parts and aspects of my studies that I deemed to be worthwhile in consideration of how I would best be able to realize my future projection. Through doing that, I missed out on a lot. Because there were many aspects of my studies that I could have committed myself to walk and get to know even better, if I had not held unto that future projection.

Thus, this all goes to show the importance of not conditioning our current expression, movement, and direction, that takes place in each and every moment of breath, according to a idea, a future projection, an illusion of where we are supposed to go. There is SO much to learn, so many areas of life in which we are able to expand, improve, and practice changing ourselves to the better – HOWEVER – when we close ourselves off to that part of life through constantly thinking about and looking at some distant future that is not here – we will not give ourselves access to that eternal well of expansion that is always HERE.

This also brings me into a different though closely related point – TIME – and how we use our time on this earth. When we always strive for something different to what is here – then we are NOT using our time effectively – because – we are not IN TIME – moving WITH TIME – but rather racing towards a time somewhere in the distant future. Life, reality, relationships, developing and creating ourselves – that is a process that will only always be HERE. If we are not HERE – then that process will be out of our reach. Thus – the importance of pushing presence – awareness – and HERE-living.

Now, how do we change from living in the future, in a projection, to instead, living HERE? One solution that I see, is to give myself FULLY to the MOMENTS of my life. Lets say that in one moment, I am participating on a chat. To then give myself FULLY to that moment would be to go into and participate in that chat with presence, awareness and vigor – it would be to have my mind and my attention placed fully here on what I am doing – not being separated through for example – thinking about what I am going to eat after the chat – but committing myself FULLY – FULLY living – FULLY communicating – FULLY relating – FULLY interacting – FULLY responding – being FULLY here – and not split in a millions pieces within myself as thoughts, and projections, as ideas of where I should go, who I should be, what I should do, and what not.

The solution to the illusion of a fuller life out there – is to become that FULL life HERE through FULLY living – and FULLY living being – to take part FULLY in every moment with ALL of MYSELF – and not half-arsing my way through life believing that such a participation is in anyway resembling what real living expression is all about.


Learn more about this way of living:

 

Day 219: Programmed to be indecisive

Indecision – indecision – indecision – that’s my word of the day and consequently this blog will be dedicated to opening up this point – so far I’ve been quite hard on myself for over and over again going into a state of being indecisive, pulling back on decisions, changing decisions, not following through on decisions – and being generally irresolute in my stance with regards to certain particular points in my life – one of those being MY PURPOSE – that other being CAREER – both are points that I’ve struggled with – not so much because I’ve had a lack of ideas as to what I am going to do – rather because I’ve gone back and forth – not ever feeling very self-assured in the point that I decided to walk.

So, today I found one of those fascinating things and this assisted and supported me to open up this point – and that is a zodiac birth chart – the science of the horoscope – and what really blew my mind was how specific the readings were from these charts. Some of my most idiosyncratic behavior traits were described and laid out clearly – and I’m going to make a couple of quotes from the text here.

“Weaknesses: a changeable and diffuse nature. Wastes energy by doing too many things. He lacks persistence in achieving set goals.”

“Many people with this position of the Sun have gained quite a bit of knowledge in their lifetimes, but they don’t often possess specialized knowledge. This is because Geminis have relatively short attention spans. Restlessness is especially common with this position of the Sun.”

“Weaknesses: lack of follow-up of ideas, indecision, goes back on decisions.”

So – obviously I’m able to see that this fits too well in on my character – especially the point of dipping my toes in too many points, going for too many adventures, trying to walk too many dimensions – which creates this experience of me being scattered, and all over the place – consequently not ever getting to a deeper knowledge and understanding in anything that I do.

Thus – a point that I see that I must practice for myself is to be more decisive, and structured – to create a life-path for myself that is more condensed and concentrated – to rather place my focus and attention on a couple of things and do them effectively – than to spread my attention all over the place and waste myself in trying to do it all – which is a tendency that I’ve seen coming through in many ways.

Particularly during my teenage years and early twenties I would move from point, to point, always trying to find and do something new – studying law and remaining with this topic is actually one of the first things that I’ve stuck with for an extended period of time. Usually I would be moving to yet another interest at this point – though I won’t accept and allow myself to do that this time – instead I will specify my decisions – and make sure that I’m clear on my purpose – and that I place my time into a couple of points – and that I walk them effectively and specifically.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be indecisive – and irresolute with regards to decisions that I make – and plans for my future – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to shift easily – to move into another direction in a heartbeat – and to have difficulty remaining with one point – and walking with one point – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I can change this point through practicing sticking with my decisions – walking my plans – and being patient and persistent in my daily application – and condensing my activities and pastimes to not be so overzealous and all over the place – but rather practical, realistic and effective

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when I dip my toes in too many things, too many ventures, too many directions – I’m going to cause myself to do all of them rather badly – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and calm myself down when I notice I go into a high – of looking at various prospects and future potentials – as to where I could go – and instead stick with my plan – stick with my decision – stick with the path that I’ve laid out for myself – and walk it – and only change it when I notice that it isn’t practical or effective anymore – thus become more stable in my daily living and application and stop wondering around in my mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not deliberately push myself to make my life more condensed and concentrated – and to realize that when I put my time into a few points – but I walk those points effectively – I will be able to get more out of them – and I will be able to give more to others – and I will be able to produce effective results that can’t come when I become scattered and distracted and move myself in all kinds of directions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not condense and sectionalize my life – to place down on a paper before myself the points that I am walking and directing myself within – to place down on a paper where it is that I’d like to go with each of these points – what it is that I’d like to create – and within this remain realistic and not take on too much – not try to do too many things – but instead remain practical – remain with my breath and my human physical body – and dare to live a condensed and concentrated lifestyle that is grounded – where I place my time into a few things – yet I do these few things effectively and specifically

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in order to stabilize myself and my life I require to discipline myself to be more grounded – because I’ve an pre-programmed inclination to be indecisive, to be scatted and diffuse, and to move from point to point – and thus to assist and support myself – I require to deliberately make my life condensed and concentrated and grounded into practical living applications – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not dare to make commitments to walk and give my attention to certain points and aspects in my life – and in that have the courage to walk through the fear of missing out on other points in my life

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself going into and as a state of indecision, and wanting to fall back on a decision, and a plan that I’ve made for myself, that I see is effective, and that will work for me – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that this is my pre-programming attempting to take me for a ride and veer my off path – and thus I commit myself to in that moment breath through the fear of missing out, and the feeling energy of excitement, and exuberance, that comes with fantasizing and creating a new future – and ground myself – through speaking with myself the plans and decisions I’ve made for myself – the focal points I’ve determined for myself in my life – and continue to walk this – and ground into and become comfortable with routine and consistency and sticking with my guns

Day 119: Filthy Weaknesses

weaknessWeaknesses – looking at my own current definition of weaknesses I see them as being something that is wrong and that should and must be fought, pinned down and destroyed. This approach of mine to the point of weaknesses is something that I have recently begun to take note of, and I have seen that it pretty much comes through in most dimensions and aspects of my life, living and process. I tend to zone in on what I perceive to be a weakness, judge the weakness, and then vehemently fight the weakness – which is a form of suppression because no actual self-change is taking place – obviously because I am to busy fighting that which I perceive to be a weakness within me.

This point opened today in regards to me becoming nervous, as I had to perform in the art of public speaking. What I saw is that I immediately as this nervousness came up within me, I judged it to be a weakness, and in that I began to fight it – I didn’t want it to be in me because apparently I should be past that point, I should be stable, and I should be able to comfortably and calmly do public speaking. When I noticed I couldn’t win the fight towards this nervousness, I instead went into a state of a more passive, failure and self-judgment mode – perceiving myself as a failure because I couldn’t stop remove this apparent weakness and speak the way I wanted to speak.

Thus – I am able to see that this relationship that I have created to the point of weaknesses isn’t assisting and supporting me, because fact is that I never go to the point of developing my weaknesses into strengths – I instead stop at that point of fighting the weakness, and feeling like a failure because I have that particular weakness – when I could instead utilize those moments to assist and support myself to transform the weakness into a strength and build myself to become more effective in my application.

Really, the entire idea within me that weaknesses are bad is thus off the mark – because weaknesses are merely weaknesses, they are nothing more and they are nothing less – and a weakness is mostly a point that can be corrected and directed into and as a strength – and a strength is neither more or less – it is merely a strength – something that I am good at and that I can do effectively and effortlessly.

To be effective in actually supporting myself to stand up and direct my weak spots I require to recognize them, understand them and allow myself to accept that they are here and that they won’t go away through my trying to fight them off – instead I will have to change them as myself – and this can not be done through a process of judgment – but must be done through a process of understanding – understanding how I have created the weakness, exactly how I have become this weakness – because in that I can correct myself to step out of the weakness and make it a strength.

Thus, today I am going to walk a self-forgiveness process in relation to my definition of the word weakness.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight weaknesses and define weaknesses as shameful and embarrassing, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spend my time judging, fighting and resisting my weakness instead of practically assisting and supporting myself to transcend and walk through my weakness, and develop my weaknesses into strengths

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that weaknesses are something that I should hide from myself and from others, because they are shameful and inherently bad, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I notice that I have weaknesses, instead of practically assisting and supporting myself to transcend and walk through them, judge them, fight them, and resist them, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that this is not a effective way of dealing with weaknesses, because common sense dictates that what I resist persist

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I see a weakness in my application it doesn’t mean that I am failure, and that I have done something bad, it merely means that there is a weakness in my application, and that it’s as such an opportunity for me to develop this weakness into and as a strength – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the opportunity of self-expansion that weaknesses presents to me – and that I could really change my relationship to weaknesses and have fun changing them – experimenting with them – designing solutions and working with how I am able to support myself to stand up and walk the weakness into and as a strength

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can’t change weaknesses and that the best I can do is to fight them, resist them, and suppress them, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself the opportunity to be unconditional with myself, and to intimately explore all my flaws and mishaps – and in this place myself into a position wherein I am able to expand myself – because I know myself – I see what I am doing – and within that I see the solution as to how I am able to redesign myself and develop my weaknesses into and as strengths

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an expectation upon myself that I should be without weaknesses – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into and as a state of conflict and resistance when I notice a weakness within me – and not want to recognize this weakness – but instead attempt and try to fight it off – and get it away from me so that I can be strong again – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that this is not an effective way to deal with weaknesses – because the reason there is a weakness is because I have not defined for myself an effective practical living – which is something that I am able to design with the use of words – and that I can investigate how I can assist and support myself to stand up and stabilize myself and walk myself from weakness into and as strengths

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect that I am to be without weaknesses – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that this is a unrealistic expectation, because it is quite obvious that I will have weaknesses due to how I have lived my life, wherein I have never actually paid attention to, and supported myself in corrected weak spots in my application, as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not let go of this expectation that I should be strong, that I shouldn’t have any flaws, that I shouldn’t have any weak spots, so that I can get to know myself unconditionally, and from thereon assist and support myself to stand up and develop my weaknesses into and as strengths

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself with others that I perceive to not have the weakness that I possess, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for having that particular weakness – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I can’t compare myself with another – because I have not lived the life of another – I have not walked the processes of another – and thus it’s a point of ignorance to judge myself for not being effective in points that I perceive others to be effective within – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to accept myself unconditionally – and accept and allow myself to recognize my weak spots – and within this accept and allow myself to unconditionally work with these weak spots and develop them into and as strengths

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I should be effective at everything that I am doing, and if I happen to have a weakness, and something that I am bad at, to think and believe that this is some form of mistake that shouldn’t be there, and that I must eradicate this mistake, fight it and resist it, and make sure that I ban it from my world – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be gentle in my approach to myself when I work with my weak spots – and in this making it enjoyable and fun to work with and develop my weaknesses into and as strengths

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to except that my weaknesses will go away when I judge them – and when I am hard on myself and complain within myself that I have a particular weakness – and within this I forgive myself that I that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that this is not a solution – because in complaining, judging, and being hard on myself, I am not actually assisting and supporting myself to find a solution, and to define for myself a way that I can practically walk this particular weakness into and as a strength – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not work with practically assisting and supporting myself to walk weak spots into and as points of strength – and doing this in a gentle manner wherein I am unconditionally accepting myself as I currently exist – and then I walk from this starting point – accepting and allowing myself to make the process of changing a weakness a point of self-exploration, self-enjoyment, and having fun with myself – wherein I am able to experiment with various different ways as to how I can practically support myself to change the particular weakness into and as a strength

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am judging, resisting, and fighting a weakness that I see within myself, and in this attempt and try to suppress this weakness, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here to and as my human physical body, and I see, realize and understand that weaknesses aren’t anything bad or wrong, it’s merely points that I require to assist and support myself within and as, and that I am able to have fun changing, and directing; as such I commit myself to formulate practical solutions for myself to develop my weaknesses into and as strengths – and have fun and enjoy myself in the process of redesigning myself

When and as I see that I am being hard on myself for having a weakness, and I perceive that I am a failure, and inferior to others, due to this weakness, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that a weakness is a weakness, nothing more or less, I am thus not a failure, I am thus not less than, I am thus not worthless – I simply require to change this weakness which I am able to have fun doing – as such I commit myself to assist and support myself to unconditionally uncover and explore my weak spots and from there formulate practical solutions so that I am able to change and redirect my weaknesses into and as strengths

Enhanced by Zemanta

Day 48: The Honest Person Is The Stupid Person

Today I had quite a big reaction that came up when I was having a discussion with a customer in the taxi – and it was interesting because the way that this reaction came up reveals to me that I still desire to be understood, and I still desire to be honest so to speak.

Because – the discussion I had with the customer was a about life-choices, and I shared with the customer that I’d decided to study law because I saw that this was much more effective for me in order to make sure that I have an income in the future – and that if I instead would’ve choose the direction of my education with my heart, as what I want to do, I would’ve studied some creative subject – such as music, or arts.

In this discussion the customer now suggested to me that I should use me law-education to go into the direction of arts, and when this suggestion was given – I said that I’d given up upon my dreams – and this particular statement I made was as a form of reaction because I didn’t want to present myself as if I agreed with the customers suggestion that I should go into art. So, I mean – it was fascinating because I felt compelled to share with the customer the specific direction of my studies, and why I’d chosen to study what I studied, and why it was that I wouldn’t go into the direction of art with my law-degree.

lincolnObviously – I could’ve made this statement to the customer without reacting, so it’s not really what I said that is important – what’s instead important is who I was within what I said; and the who I was in that moment – was that I felt simply compelled to state “my view” of the point – to make sure that I am understood, and that my “honest truth” is being shared – so in a way – I saw myself as being dependent upon the customer to validate me, and my specific direction in life – and unless I got this validation from the customer then somehow my chosen direction was flawed; so in essence – I came from a starting point of competition, and wanting to convince the customer that my way of looking at things was valid, and without flaws.

This point goes hand in hand with the statement – to be in this world, but not of this world – and what I mean by this is that; I mean – I should be able to speak casually, and use any words required in a moment without the words that I am using defines who I am; which means that when I stand clear on this point – I will be able to say to the customer that “I will do what you said, and align my direction in studies to support art” – without this in anyway creating a reaction, or experience within me – because I mean – I know who I am – I know where I am going – and the words I speak do not change who I am.

To perfect this point of being able to use words freely without any form of fake honesty coming in the way I see as being very important in order to be effective in the system – because so much of how the current system functions demands from human beings to not show their “real self” but to instead present a fake version of themselves – and this is obviously to make money, and survive in the system.

So, what I am able to see is that this particular point came up because I’ve defined the points honesty, and integrity in separation from myself – wherein I want to convince others that I have integrity, and that I have honesty – instead of me living these words as myself without being dependent upon any form of external stimuli.

honesty-demotivational-poster-1220494290And I am able to see – that throughout my life – I’ve many times compromised myself because I’ve wanted to be honest, and have integrity – and be upright with people in my world – while this approach was simply not effective because I didn’t consider that – I mean – sometimes it’s not effective to be honest, and to open yourself up to another – as to what your real intentions are – because the system, and the people within the system are simply not designed in such a way to support such a point. For example – when being caught by the police due to having committed some type of crime – I mean – obvious common sense is to deny that you did commit the crime, because unless you do, you’ll be completely compromised and thrown into a jail – which is obviously not a effective point, and it’s not a point that takes into account why you committed the crime to begin with; because – hey – maybe you were broke and you decided to steal in order to support your family – and you did it as a self-honest act – to then go into jail would mean that you can’t support your family anymore, and the system doesn’t in anyway consider your starting point as to why you decided to steal but simply instead punish you – and that is why – to be honest, and have integrity – as being a form of “stand-up” guy is really not effective.

Though – this is not to say that this point of honesty, and integrity can, and should be applied in relationships where there is effective consideration, and where being honest does not have severe and compromising consequences.

Anyway – the point I will work with here today is “defining myself according to my words” – and the need to present myself honestly to my world, and be a good human being that is open, and vulnerable – with no secrets – because standing as such a character is a point of limitation – it’s a point wherein you systematize your living expression, and instead of considering common sense – you go by a dogmatic belief; and as we all know – dogmatic beliefs do not mix well with actual physical reality – they are bound to clash, and when they do – consequences will be the price we pay.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel the need to present myself honestly, and openly to my world – and to make sure that I always speak the truth, and that I always say exactly what my intentions are, and who I am within a particular moment – thinking that it’s “bad”, and it’s “wrong” to not be open – and to not be honest; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself, my reality, my life, through wanting to present myself as being honest – to have a good feeling about myself, and to in my mind be able to think about myself that “I am really a good person, I am really honest!”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the words I speak, and to limit myself within the words that I speak – and have these ideas that I can’t speak certain words because those words are not “who I am” – and thus I can’t speak them because that would then mean that I am presenting a lie; instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that it’s not about what I say, or what I do, but that it’s about WHO I AM – thus the key is to be stable in every moment, and direct myself within common sense practicality – thus the important point is to stand stable – and have that stability be the WHO I AM – and then use words to effectively move, and direct my world, and reality in such a way that it supports what is best for all – and that it supports an outcome that is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within the words I speak through thinking that the words I speak, and how I share myself in a moment – must always be “honest” and must always be revealing exactly who I am in a moment – and within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand that this is in-fact a form of self-interest – wherein I allow my desire to present myself as being honest, and have integrity – to go before directing my practical reality in such a way that is best for all; I mean – when I want, and desire a particular outcome in a moment – that is when I compromise what is best for all – and any form of rule, as a dogmatic idea of how I must be – is something that will result in me compromising what is best for all for me to fulfill me delusional idea, and experience

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want, and desire to be a “good” and “honest” person – and think and believe that when I do not speak the “truth” so to speak – that I am a evil, and bad person – and that it’s simply bad to not speak the truth at all times; instead of realizing, and understanding that the principle of what is best for all have no morality – have no rules; the principle of what is best for all is a PRINCIPLE – which means that there is nothing forbidden, and nothing wrong – because the primary as to all actions, and movements are to have one and the same principle – as what is best for all – and when that point is here and it’s for example required to act in a way that is seen by society as immoral – then acting in a immoral way is what is best for all and thus the movement that I should do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that walking the principle of what is best for all doesn’t mean that I am by the definitions of our current world system – a “moral” and “good” human being – I mean – let’s face – the definitions of our current system are completely in reverse, and completely twisted around – wherein a charity that supports the enslavement of human beings through not empowering people but only helping them to survive is seen as good – when a criminal that commits a theft to support his family, and to have food – is seen as bad – I mean – thus I realize that I can’t rely upon the definitions, and ideas of good, and bad that was handed down to me by my parents – but that I instead must investigate the actual common sense of each – and determine the morality of a point in relation to what outcome that point have – as whether it’s best for all or not

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that even though I am completely honest in this world, and I am completely open, and vulnerable – and make sure that each word I speak is the complete truth – I mean – will this change anything? I mean – no – it will not – simply because the system isn’t designed to support honesty, and instead honesty is effectively clobbered through a completely dysfunctional law-system – and a dysfunctional value system wherein people are punished for the “bad” things they do – instead of the point being understood, and the so to speak “bad” human being supported, and assisted to correct his living

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad about making an act when I work – and speaking words, and behaving in such a way that I please the customer – and that I do my work effectively – in thinking that – when I put on act, and I go into a specifically designed character as the “taxi-driver” – that I am then compromising myself; instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that the words I speak – and the way I move, and direct myself doesn’t define who I am – I mean I am able to stand in any point in the system, and walk that particular manifested vocabulary without the point in anyway defining or changing who I am – and thus – when I drive my taxi – I am simply able to go into this character that I’ve designed – as a specific work-character that please customers, and that is pleasant, and comfortable to be around – because that is what a customer in a taxi wants to have – and I am able to walk this character without it in anyway compromising me – because I understand what I am doing – and I am stable within me direction, and as such I don’t need anyone to think that I am honest, or that I have integrity – because I know that I am self-honest, and that I self-integrity

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to prove to others that I am honest, and that I have integrity – and to want and desire that people when they meet are to think of me, and see me as being a “good” human being – a truthful human being – someone they can trust, and feel close with; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise common sense, and to compromise my effective self-movement in a moment – through wanting and desiring to have others see me in a particular; instead of understanding that – I mean – to really be effective in this world I must be free from all morality – because only then am I able to move myself in the moment and be completely free to direct myself in such a way that I create the best outcome possible – because if I want to present myself as being good, and honest – then suddenly there are these rules which I must follow and this will lead to me compromising common sense – and instead trying to fulfill an idea, and a experience that have no bearing on actual life, and living what-so-ever

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to be validated, and confirmed by others – and to feel that it’s my very innermost core that is being attacked, and placed at risk – if I was to agree with something in words, that I don’t actually agree with, or see is common sense – I mean – instead of realizing that – I am able to speak words that are not aligned with my actual truth so to speak – and that doing this is nothing bad but it’s all about the context, the why, the how, and WHO I AM within the point that determine whether the point is in-fact self-honest; so if I for example agree with the customer only to have the conversation be more smooth and effective – and I do this because it will make the customer happy – I mean – then it’s cool – because I’ve actually walked the point from a starting point of self-honesty – wherein I didn’t speak from a reaction – but I considered the context of where I am – and spoke in such a way to support myself in a way that is best for all

Now – obviously – as I said in the beginning – I am also able to in these moments to simply say that “I don’t agree” or “no” – and that the primary point of importance is to make sure that I am stable when I speak – and that I don’t seek to be recognized, confirmed, and validated in what I say, or speak – but that I simply speak here as myself without any desire for a particular outcome; thus enabling myself to use words in such a way that I support a outcome of a moment that is best for all – and also being able to if I see that it’s effective – simply share my point of view – but not doing this from a starting point of wanting to convince, or prove myself right – but simply sharing myself – in oneness and equality HERE.

Self-commitments

When and as I feel that I must be honest, and speak the truth – because if I don’t I will apparently be a “bad” human being – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – living the principle of what best for all implies that there are no rules – but that one do, and speak what is effective and what produce a result that is best for all – and that one do not hold unto any idea of “who self is” – but that one simply speak, and share, and move self within and as common sense – without any morality, or idea of what it implies to be “good” holding oneself back

When and as I see that I am limiting myself in how I am speaking, in thinking that “I am Viktor, and Viktor speaks in a particular way” – I immediately stop myself – I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that I am not limited by the words I speak – that I am not defined by the words that I speak – but that I am able to direct myself to speak what-ever words will produce the most effective results in the moment as what is best for all; as such I commit myself to make myself free to play with, and use words as a way to move myself effectively in my day-to-day living – without any constraints, or dogmatic regulations

When and as I see that I think that I must be “honest” and that it’s immoral, and bad, and wrong to be not be “honest” – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that being honest in this current world-system is in-fact self-dishonesty – because it implies that self compromise self world, and living – in order to live a particular concept that apparently makes one be a “good person”; as such I commit myself to let go of any morality – and to live on a moment to moment basis – with no rules – and only by the principle of what is best for all – seeing that to in-fact implement and create what is best for all – honesty is limiting

When and as I see that I want to say something to another to show them who I am, to convince them, and to sort of “make my stand” in a moment – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that I don’t have to convince anyone – and in-fact the point I speak will not be more, or less only because I convince somebody to agree with me – I mean – it’s obvious that the only that really matters is that I have a clear understanding within me; as such I commit myself to speak HERE without desiring an outcome – and to stand stable, and clear within my words one and equal – and not try to convince another

When and as I see that I am glorifying honesty, and integrity – as people that dare to say the truth even though it will have massive consequences – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back – and I see, realize, and understand that this type of self-sacrificing behavior is in-fact ego – as it’s wanting to appear noble, and caring – it’s wanting to feel good about what self have done – not considering the actual physical practical implications but only a feeling, and experience – and a dream of what it means to be honest, and have integrity; as such I commit myself to end all romantic views of honesty, and integrity and instead work with this practical physical reality – work with real practical equations – 1 + 1 = 2 – simplicity – and not go by any form of airy moral ideas

When and as I see that I want to be honest with another, so that this other person can like me, appreciate me, and feel close to me – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that being honest from this starting point is complete self-abuse; I mean – wanting someone to like me without a practical reason for such a want is irrational and indicate lack of self-love, and self-respect – I mean – there is obviously no need for me to have another to like me merely because it makes me feel good, this feeling is irrelevant and merely a outflow of a psychological disease such as lack of self-love; as such I commit myself to stop tormenting myself to appear appeasing to others – and instead focus upon living self-honesty here in every moment of breath

When and as I feel that I must fight another, and prove my point, and express myself to make my stand clear – because I feel that else my very beingness will become compromised; I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand how this is a ridiculous idea – and that I mean – I don’t have to fight to protect myself because I am here – there is no word that can destroy my innermost being and existence – I mean only I can do that; as such I commit myself to stop fighting for my survival and instead realize that I can’t be harmed – and that what’s important is that I focus upon making each and every moment – a moment of self-expression – of presence here

Enhanced by Zemanta