Tag Archives: desteni

Day 460: The Professionalisation of Inspiration

“If you try to change it, you will ruin it. Try to hold it, and you will lose it.”
Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

Is it possible to be a genuine musician, actor, or artists and still be professional? Is it possible to express ourselves purely and creatively in moment because money dictates that we have to?

In current society it is common place that artists build a living on their skills and their creative expression – in other words – they need to produce and be creative in order to survive. And obviously this creates pressure, anxiety and stress to express and give birth to the right kind of expression, or rather, the expression this is certain to generate an income. Though is it even possible to combine these two? When we express and share ourselves not due to inspiration/joy/the pleasure found in being creative, what are we then really giving birth to?

We are all artists in some area of our lives and the key ingredient to any artists expression is inspiration. It is something arises without our direct control. It is something that comes through from within when the conditions are here. And for any artist that tries to make a living on their interest the nature of inspiration becomes problematic – because they money system is not designed around unpredictable, unforeseeable bursts of creative juice – the money system requires a schedule, a goal, a vision, it must be decided and planned beforehand, and the expected profits have to be calculated. This is not how inspiration works. To flow from our heart  we have to let go of any desires and stop wanting to control the outcome and instead open up to what is HERE – and that is simply not possible to do in our current money system.

In our current money system artists are forced to become professionals – when the core of their expression does not follow such restrictions. In our money system we have to select our one field of expression, such as one instrument, or one genre of music, and then invest ourselves into that fully, in order to push through the noise of the system, so that we can hopefully reach that fame and start earning the money that we need. It is a form of abuse that takes place. Because inspiration, expression, artistry, and now I mean real, genuine, original expression that flows from the heart, has never meant to be boxed in. I suspect many artists have become imprisoned in their professional shell and have forgotten the inspirational expression that guided them initially.

And this is important to remember for all of us. We have to remain sensitive and open to our inner movements – because it is not necessarily so, that only because we are good at something, and we have done that for a long time, that is what our heart is at – or rather – our self-honesty. To be able to see/experience/feel that slight breeze of movement within us we have to be sensitive to ourselves – and that involves letting go of any warlike strategy that we want to impose on ourselves in order to survive in this reality. Expression does not follow rules, it does not follow right and wrong, it simply is and opens up when we dare to listen.


Day 459: The Anonymous Professional

The anonymous professional – that is what most of our contacts with the system has turned into. Big corporations or franchises with centralized offices run and administrate the needs we have as an individual and a society. Let us look at a few examples.

Before we used to live in in village or city for the bigger part of our life, or one part of a city, and there we knew most people and we were also known by most of the other inhabitants. Our family and extended family many times lived close by or in the same city. We bought groceries from a small and usually family owned supplier that in turn had connections with local farmers, butchers, bakers etc. We knew the owner of the shop and he knew us and we knew where his supplies came from because we knew his suppliers. There was an attachment to our local, our culture, a dependence that could be felt, experienced and seen. Nowadays – that sense of local co-creation is gone and similarly the understanding of dependence.

Our supply lines have become widely scattered and thus we have no chance of being able to tell where our products come from. Furthermore, the companies we interact with are owned by anonymous stock owners with no connection to the local area that the shop operates in. The shop is just a number on a sheet to the stock owners. And – with much certainty you have moved from the place of your birth and you have no deep connection to the place you live except that you call it your home. We have lost our attachment to reality – and this is hence reflected in the world, in the system, and it is shown through how the search/hunt/desire for money has more and more taken over the values of human interaction and relationships based on integrity and dependence. Today numbers on a sheet means a lot more than what exists in reality – while before – other values were considered. Today – nationalism and religion are basically dead – and countries are run like corporations – there is very little sense of connection and pride left to the place of our birth other than when it comes to sports.

I find this fascinating to observe. In my line of work, the relationships between the supplier and the customer used to be personal and based on individual trust and confidence – and it was not unusual that the supplier and customer created relationships that lasted for a lifetime. Today – there is no such loyalty or connection. The customers pick their service provider based on the resume of the company and not the connection/resume of the individual supplier.

Thus – our connections to one another has professionals and privately have become more and more vague and non-existent. And thus – most of our connections now are with the anonymous professional – we do not know him and he does not know us – however we put our faith in his hands – and hence we trust that the system will give us what we need.

How do we change this?

We change by become more locally connected – to our immediate reality. What is happening HERE? What relationships do we have HERE? And how can we invest ourselves for REAL in our current HERE reality, whether that be with our family, friends or work? Because that is how we integrate and connect ourselves on a real and personal level and beyond the anonymity.

Day 458: Re-directing Energy With Self-Forgiveness

In my line of work I sometimes meet people that are involved in intense interpersonal conflicts – and sometimes this is caused by a break up. I used to not understand why break-ups agitated people – until I went through one myself. And I must say – if I had not had Desteni and the tools of writing and self-forgiveness – this journey could have easily taken me into a heated conflict.

Breaking up is difficult and emotional because we have invested so much energy in the relationship. When the relationship shift/change – so does the energy – it has to go somewhere – the investment needs to be transfered to some other part of the mind. And this cause the massive emotional turmoil that can arise with the end of a long-term relationship. Suddenly our future, our day-to-day living, our recurring thought-patterns, nothing can work anymore, because all or most of it was defined in relation to one person – that causes the mind to go bananas.

And unfortunately for most people that have no tools or skills to deal with these storms – and thus they do what makes sense to them – the act on the emotions and enter into zones of terrifying interpersonal destruction. And then they fight over kids and stuff – while in-fact – it has nothing to do about that – what is happening underneath the surface is that big amounts of energy is on the move and seeks an outlet. The way I see it – it would be far more supportive if the former partners could enter into a ring and fight each-other for a while in order to get the energy out – because that is what is needed. And with self-forgiveness and writing – the energy can get out in a peaceful, supportive and expansive way – so that we can learn from our failures, mistakes and inner emotional life and expand – instead of diminishing ourselves and our integrity by fighting mindlessly with someone that has nothing to do with what we are going through.

This approach of looking within should be applied in all venues of life. It is never about what is happening on the outside, or what we apparently desire, want, need, fear, worry about, there is always more going on deep inside. And this is why we can never find fulfillment in consumerism or in reaching goals or attaining positions in the system – because it is not about that – we have misinterpreted our calling from within – or rather – missed it completely.

I am currently practicing listening to and learning to hear my inner voice – my inner calling – and decrypt the movements of my mind that see what is happening in me on a deeper level. One way I do this is for example when I get home, and ask myself what I am going to do with my leisure time, that I allow my heart and expression to come through and guide me. It is so easy to go with what has always worked, to automatically go in the direction we think is the right one – however – pure self-expression will not be found in right and wrong – it simply is what is is and cannot be boxed in. It opens up when it opens up and it cannot be controlled. It is the gift that life gives us when we stay pure and open to the intuitive movements of the moment – it is that point which all artists seek – and it is from that point we are meant to live and express. That is where we will find real fulfillment.

Day 457: New Stuff

One point that I have looked at for some time is how much money we spend on meaningless things, as individuals and as a society. We buy things on a whim without any depth of consideration and usually because we have become tricked by some clever marketing scheme.

An example that I have seen is the new trend stand up paddling. To participate in stand up paddling you need a board and a paddle – like essentially – a windsurfing board. Though apparently you need to buy the specific kind of ‘Stand up paddle’-board to be able do it. And hence it sells really well as this new trend starts to kick in. However, why not just purchase an old windsurfer board and reuse the old ones we have bought? And this is the trick that the consumerist system use to make people buy things they really do not need. The marketing creates a need, a manufactured need, and the only way to fulfill that need is by buying the next great thing.

This consumerist approach has taken over literally every venue of life. There is no interest/hobby, or very few at least, that has not become overwhelmed with products and accessories that can be bought to apparently enhance the interest/experience. If you enjoy running, there is a myriad of shoes to select. And the latest trend is ‘barefoot’ running – yet another thing that is needed to go out and take a run.

It is as if the purity of our interests have been sucked dry by the consumerist approach – instead of enjoying our interest – we are buying stuff we need to participate in our interests. And it never ends. I cleaned out my families attic some years ago. You would not believe the amount of stuff I found. Skies, watersport toys, furnitures, clothes, so much stuff – that have cost a lot of money when they where initially bought – and now they were rotting away in an attic.

What if instead of constantly buying things we do not need, we used our money in ways that would have a positive impact for the world. For example donating the money we do not need, or buying specific resources that we need to create the support we see we can give. if we lived that way, with only some of our money initially, it would make such a big difference. And finally we would be doing something useful with our abundance, something that we can be proud over.

To me it makes absolutely no sense why I should spend money on things that I will not use, or barely use, and then throw away. That is why I am very specific about what I purchase. Before I buy something new I look at how much I will use that thing. If I see that I will only use it a couple of times a year, I will rent it instead. And sometimes I see that the thing I want to buy does not make any sense at all, because I will never use it – it is only an idea in my mind that I want to fulfill of how I would like to live. Then it is better to immediately start living for real and integrating the words/experiences that I want to have in my life here instead of expecting that new stuff is going to do that for me.

Day 456: Filthy Rich

I have watched the Netflix documentary Filthy Rich about Jeffery Epstein and his crimes. Jeffery Epstein managed to create a pyramid scheme with young women and girls that were forced to please him sexually and also lured to bring new women into the plot. And what the series shows is the power we give money and how we are generally exceptionally bad at managing money.

Lets first look at Jeffery Epstein. He managed to earn millions of dollars and to create a massive personal wealth. Yet, what did he do with those money? He lived out his sexual deviances to the extreme and bought a variety of expensive toys to solidify his position in the world. And Jeffery Epstein was apparently very intelligent, however he still did not manage to see the amount of difference he would have been able to do in the world with his own personal capacities and his wealth. All the money, his personal charm and charisma, it was just used to further his own interests.

And I am not saying that Jeffery Epstein was a particularly bad person. Each of us has a Jeffery Epstein living within. It is that point of self-centered desire, where we just WANT something, and we do not care about what we do to get it – or where we have money and can make our own lives comfortable – and then we do not care at all about making the life of others better. We all have that self-interested money hoarder within us – and it shows clearly in the world as it exist today – extreme polarities between the rich and the poor. If we would have actually cared, it would have been completely natural to make it a priority to give our excess money to those in need.

It is also interesting to see the amount of attention we place on Jeffery Epstein as the ‘bad’ person. What is not seen however is that Jeffery Epstein would not have been able to pull it off unless he had people that helped him. He was dependent on personal assistants, janitors, clients, friends and family, to fulfill his desires. And why did these people help him? Because there was money to be earned – Jeffery was able to make your dreams come true – he just needed to buy them. And so the people literally sold their soul to the devil for money – and pretended not to see what was happening.

And this is why I see that we cannot put blame on Jefferey Epstein. If you were part of his organization, you knew, and did not do anything about, you are an equal part of the problem – you are the allower. And thus – the allower is an equal culprit to the actual assailant – because if the allower would stand up and say NO – the abuser would not be able to continue. This is what happened during ME TOO – women stood up together and said till here no further. And look at what happened. An amazing movement where many rotten tomatoes were quickly brought out into the light and cleaned up. And this is the power we as the majority have – we are powerful – more powerful than money – if we stand up together and use our voices – no money in the world can save the abusers. It is the same in politics – we have yet to understand our power as a people and that we are able to change the ENTIRE narrative of our reality and world. Though when we do see, the changes will come quickly, as was showed with the Me Too movement where it basically happened overnight.

Day 455: My Compass When It Comes To Money

What is my compass? My direction? My meaning in life? Why am I here?

I was asked this question and it was difficult for me to answer it. For a long time my purpose has been to walk my process of self-change – to learn to express and share myself to my fullest. And this is still true. If it is one thing I know, it is that I really want to walk my process and do that properly. Yet still, my mind is pulling me in many other directions, and one of the more alluring paths is the path of money and consumerism.

It is easy to fall into the money trap – when you have money you fall because you want more and when you have none you fall because you cannot think of anything else. And then we become blinded to what is here before us – and blinded to what matters – because all we can think of and care about is money.

For me, this drive and urge to be successful with money stems from comparison and from looking at what others do and how others live their lives. It was easier when I was younger to see and know my path because I was not as involved in the money system – I had made a decision to be an outsider and enjoy life without caring too much about it. Now I have stepped into the system and I am part of it everyday – and when I see the life of others, it influences me – or rather – I allow it to influence me.

I want to reach a point within me where I am in this world but not of it – where I can walk into the money system and earn the money I need to survive without becoming engrossed with it and compromised in my integrity. That is hard to do – and to support me I need a purpose/clarity/direction in relation to who I am and what I am really doing in the system – that can function as my compass – my map when things get blurred.

What is my compass in relation to money and the world system? The way I see it – I participate with money in order to support myself to walk my process – I need a stable environment – I need a stable world – that allows for me to focus on myself and utilize the tools of self-creation – that gives me time to write, time to introspect, time to read, and time to share my process of self-creation with others. Money supports my process.

I also participate in the world system to share myself and my expression and to give of my skills and talents to others – to share myself with the world. This is some of the most rewarding and enjoyable aspects of working – when I see I can make a difference in the lives of others.

I also participate in the money system to be able to give those closest to me a supportive, stable and enjoyable life. And to give money to organizations and groups that I believe will make a difference in this world that is best for all. Such groups need donations to flourish – and if everyone would have given some of their money to those that are in need – we would have a very, very different world.

That is my reason and compass at the moment that I will use and look back at when things get hectic and I forget what is real and what is not – and my mind starts shifting into consuming, buying and forging a lifestyle out of comparison and jealousy.

Day 454: Breaking Out of Monotony

I looked at at the following video yesterday by Cerise Poolman – and I suggest watching it if you can relate to living/having a monotonous life.

In my case, I can definitely relate to much of my life being routine/same old, same old. This is especially true when it comes to work and weekdays as they are so structured around the 8-17 schedule. And I can see how this stunts me, because I am very comfortable with each part of my weekday – it is in my deep comfort zone – and to get out of there while being at work is pretty difficult as I have done/repeated/tried the work so money times that I know most of it by heart.

Thus I can see that I have a need for more challenges and more time outside of my comfort zone. And I am completely aware that I thrive in such circumstances. I love being outside of my comfort zones and that is why I enjoy new jobs so much. It really brings me so much joy and pleasure. However, I still need to go to work, I still need to get money to survive, and thus that begs the question, how do I bring in challenges into my life right now, that is not dependent on where I work.

I do however see a couple of points where I can push myself outside of my comfort zone at work: I can read more, educate myself more on subjects that I find difficult to grasp/understand, and that I have pushed away because of that, I can engage more socially with my colleagues and be more active in this regard, I can network and develop my selling/persuasion skills and my CV more, find ways in which I am able to connect with people and companies, and also push myself to actively look for opportunities to increase my income. Those are aspects of my work that I have resisted and that I see can benefit from as a person if I explore and expand myself within.

When it comes to leisure life my greatest challenge, and where I see I have the most room for expansion, is in being present/active/engaged with my daughter when I take care of her. I have a tendency to do the bare minimum and be satisfied with that, but I see that I grow much as a person when I push myself to make something more with the time with my daughter. The resistance I have towards this is towards being intensely here, which my daughter always is – and I tend to experience that as exhausting. And that could be because this presence skill is like a muscle, you have to exercise and practice for it to grow into its full potential. And when I am with my daughter I am on a binge in exercising my presence skill.

I see that I can sit here for quite a while a look at various things that I could do to challenge myself and get out of my comfort zone. However, as a general principle, I would say that I want to become aware of the opportunities in my life to step out of my existing comfort boundaries, and to push for such opportunities if I notice that my life has gotten stuck in a rut. I want each day to bring something new – and for that – I have to be on my toes and ready to bite when I see an opportunity to experience/do something new and challenging.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get stuck in a rut by doing the same things over and over again and becoming satisfied with that monotony – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that by pushing myself out of my comfort zone and doing things I have not yet tried – I will grow and develop as a person and being – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push to create that spark of movement each day where I push myself out of my accepted boundaries and into the new and unexplored

I commit myself to be aware of and push for new opportunities where I can explore and experience new things – and to thus push myself to step out of my comfort zones and beyond that which I have known

Day 453: Missing What Is Here

When I look back at what I regret, one point that stands out is not allowing myself to be comfortable and enjoy the life that I have. I have tended to feel stressed, hurried, and driven to move forward, fast, towards the new and unexplored, and that has left me with a sense of having left behind possibilities that I could have explored, if I had not been so stressed about moving forward.

And that is one of my greatest challenges at the moment, to let myself rest with my current situation. To allow myself to be here, to explore my current life, the relationships in it, the hobbies, and interests I have, the moments that arise during my day, and not be in such a hurry to move along. And my greatest teacher is my daughter. She is amazing at remaining in the present. She has no conception of time, to her, the only time that matters is here and now – and that is what I want to create for and as myself. The complete amalgamation with the current moment.

What stands in my why is this undercurrent of stress and anxiety – the belief that I must somehow speed myself and my life up to be able to attain and reach the possibilities – while the opposite is really true – I need to slow myself down – put myself to rest – in order to see what I can create in this moment. Creativity is really only possible in this moment here – because creativity needs spontaneity, it needs connection to be expressed, otherwise it becomes a reasoned, rational and logic plan – but not a moment of expression.

Thus how to live this more in my life?

Breathing and grounding myself physically here is important. When I notice I go astray in my mind, I need to bring myself back to what I am doing in this moment. And then it is important that I listen to my heart and open myself open to the creativity of the moment. I must practice seeing the possibilities, the potential that is here and that my heart is showing to me – that are ripe and that I only but need to step into.

Thus each time I have a thought of a future projection, I will change that future projection into a present projection, by looking at what I can create do HERE in this moment, to express myself in a way that will support myself/others. I will look at how I can transform that drive to create in the future, to how I can create/express HERE in this moment. And I will push myself to walk through laziness/resistance towards creating HERE – as I see that this is also a tactic used by the mind to keep my preoccupied with what I should/could be doing – instead of what I am doing here.

Day 452: The Truth In Desires

I have been working a lot with grounding myself and observing what kind of thoughts that tend to bring away my awareness into dreams. And a recurring thought that have led me astray countless of times has the theme of buying something – and usually this thought is accompanied with a feeling such as desire or want. I have looked into this thought process and realized that it is never about buying something – and that the thought actually represent a part of myself that I am not living HERE in the physical but that I would like to live.

For example, I have had a desire come up to buy a cargo bike – which is one of those bikes that has a box mounted on its front. Looking at this desire I saw that it was connected to several smaller dreams/wants/imaginations and all with a similar theme. They were about me going out into and enjoying nature and enjoying the relationship with my daughter in nature. That was my real desire.

And looking at my life I realized that I have not been enjoying and exploring nature as much as I would have liked, and I have not been pushing myself to be fully immersed in the experience when I am doing it. And I have not been pushing myself to share my love for nature with my daughter. Hence – these are the two points that I want to manifest in my reality – and they have nothing to do with a cargo bike.

This is how the mind works, it will show us our deeper issues/dissatisfactions – however it will be encrypted into the language of the mind. And in this case the mind interpreted my real desires into the desire to buy a cargo bike in the belief that owning a cargo bike would then bring me closer to nature.

It is however important to remember that in the real world, creating and developing interests and relationships are not as easy and joyous as the notion of buying something. It takes effort and will to get out into nature, and to be present in nature, and similar is true in terms of sharing this with my daughter. It is an active movement where satisfaction is created by me which stands in contrast to buying something, where a sense of fulfillment is received as a short energy burst, when the particular desired product is bought.

Thus I will continue to decode my minds urges to buy things, because every time it shows me something about myself that I have not considered. And I am not saying that we should never buy things. What I am saying is that many times our urge to buy is not motivated by a true sense of need. When we do need something, or when we see that owning something will support us to expand ourselves, then of course, we should buy that thing.

Day 451: Traveling With Presence

I have reflected on the words travel and dream recently. It opened up when I did a Osho tarot spread and draw the cards Traveling and The Dream. Osho’s perspective on traveling is that life is a journey, it never ends, and hence, the notion that we should claw and fight our way through each day to eventually reach a goal makes no sense. Because when we reach that goal, we will need a new goal, our travel will continue. And at that point we might have fought our way forward for many years missing the opportunities that our life has given us during our travel as we were so focused on arriving.

There is a quote by Lao Tzu that goes like this:

A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving.

It is the travel, it is the movement, is is the daily expression that is life, the goal, that is only a support in choosing our direction when we get to crossroads.

How does the card The Dream fit in here? According to Osho this card symbolizes our tendency to create internal future scenarios that are inflated and unrealistic. Our future, the one we have imagined in our mind, becomes so much brighter and better than the life we are living here. And thus dreaming lures us into a apathetic and lifeless zombie mode where we do not anymore see and experience our life and reality fully – instead we experience our daily life as a strife as we move towards realizing our dream – not realizing that LIFE is here. Hence we miss our travel – we miss ourselves and the world around us.

What is the solution to this problem?

What I have applied is the word GROUNDING. Because when you are earthed, with both of your feet steady on the ground, you cannot dream. When you are aware of your breath, and the small sensations that life offers in every moment, you cannot be swept away into alternate realities – and that is when you can start traveling for real.

Looking back at my life, from let’s say, my twenties and onwards, one of my most prominent regrets is that I have not allowed myself to be HERE and enjoy the journey. I was so set on arriving that I missed what was all around me. Thus, this is something that I am going to be changing – by GROUNDING myself and pushing myself to make my life HERE in every moment.