Tag Archives: desteni “I” process

Day 304: Scripting Care

When we enter into a relationships, most of us foolishly believes that our partner understands us and that we put the same meaning and value into the words we speak and behaviors we embody. This is however not the case. Even if we are similar to our partner, we must consider that we have grown up in different families, been exposed to different life circumstances, participated in different thoughts, and built our inner coping mechanisms in a variety of different ways. As such, when we look at the details of two individuals, regardless of how much in love they might feel, they are very different.

This is in itself not a problem, unless we assume that our words mean the same as our partners words, and we furthermore take for granted that no work or effort must be invested into establishing an equality and mutual understanding when it comes to words and their meanings. Recently I have faced some conflicts in my agreement due to how I have had one definition/application/understanding of the word CARE and how my partner had another. The fascinating thing about this conflict is that we simply could not understand one another. While I acted/lived in one way, and thought of this as normal, my partner would interpret and see this behavior a completely different way – and the reason? We had not created an equal understanding/application/definition of the word care.

Now, in looking at the word care I realized a peculiar thing. I have not ever had care expressed/lived in my world the way in which my partner has. For me, the word CARE did not imply, for example, hugging, being concerned, being affectionate with physical touching, and I interestingly enough had NO reference at all to this word and HOW to live it in the physical – I felt like a blank slate. And this is important to realize with physical living – we are only that which we have programmed/designed ourselves to be. If we have not consciously made an effort to develop ourselves as a certain word, and we have not been exposed to that word during our developmental years, we will most likely NOT be able to live/understand/express that word effectively in thought, word and deed. This is why parents hold such an important responsibility to effectively develop and expand themselves in their application and living of words, as they will transfer these skills/abilities to their children. And this does not happen consciously – it happens on a quantum level – immediately – as children are like sponges – sucking up all the information in their environment and then form their own personality designs using this information.

As such, because I had not been exposed to the word care, because my parents had not effectively developed the expression of CARE to its full potential, I could not understand what my partner was telling me, when she asked me to become more caring. Words are powerful tools, and when developed, expanded and refined, they are the building blocks of a successful human being – and this goes with all areas of life. From relationships to career – it is all a matter of the words we live and understand.

Because I was a blank slate with regards to the word CARE – I have now pushed myself to redefine, live and expand my application in relation to this word. And here, the process of creation is similar to that of acting. In order to change my living behavior, I require a SCRIPT – and this SCRIPT must be designed to be initiated through certain CUES – thus giving myself CLUES as to WHEN it is effective and supportive to apply/live/express myself as the word care. For example, when I can see that my partner is stressed/anxious/worried – this is a CUE to instigate the SCRIPT of CARE – where I for example – decide to sit down and communicate with my partner to hear her out – or where I go and hug my partner to offer my physical presence as a point of stability. Hence, to create myself as a new word, I require to DEFINE for myself what that word is, how it is applied, and lived IN THE PHYSICAL – this becomes my SCRIPT – that I then put into creation when and as I see that it will lead to a supportive outcome that is best for all. And this is the fascinating, and empowering process of self-creation using words. And when partners do this together, the relationship will flourish, expand and become fulfilling.

For anyone wanting to create their lives and themselves to be the best I suggest investigating the process of redefining words – it is a essential life skill to learn in order to build sustainable, effective, and stable life structures. Check out the School of Ultimate Living for courses on redefining words.

Some suggested reads:

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/08/day-116-re-defining-words-to-living.html

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/04/day-5-in-beginning-was-god.html

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Day 294: Why Winning Is A Limitation

Is winning something good? Does winning benefit and support us in our expression?

It is normal to view winning as a positive experience. Winning is something most people strive towards, in various ways. Winning in our career through getting the best job, winning in our personal lives through having the best partner, winning in our education through having the best marks, and so on. Winning is a lifestyle that has become particularly accentuated in our fast paced lives. Though, there is a backside to winning, something that is easily missed or shunned, as the experience of winning is so tempting, exciting, and positive.

I will take an example from my own life which shows that becoming obsessed with, and defining oneself according to the experience winning is in-fact a limitation. It goes back to my years in elementary school. It was easy for me in school and I managed to get comparatively good marks. I was not necessarily the best, however, I was doing good – good enough for me to see myself as a ‘winner’. Then came a big change in my life, as my parents decided that our family was to move to another part of our country. I had to start a new school, and in that, I was now marked according to new standards. In this new school, I did not achieve the marks I had hoped for, and consequently, I went into an experience of feeling like a loser, and being depressed because I did not win anymore. This led me to struggle, fight, and push so that I could move myself forward in school, and get better marks again. To some extent I succeeded with achieving better marks at my new school, and again I went into that comfort zone of feeling like a winner – comparatively good at what I was doing.

Now, some might ask, what is the problem with this? You were quite good at school, had some problems, and then sorted it out, what is the story?

The problem is the fact that my drive, ambition, and push was always defined within the limits of energy and how I felt. I only pushed myself to excel and become better when I felt like I did not match my peers. Only then did it become relevant for me to go through the trials and tribulations to actually expand myself – and that is a LIMITATION. The fact is that, the moment we base our feeling of ourselves through comparison against others, we put a cap on our ability to excel, and expand. We only go as far as is required to feel feel good about ourselves, though not as far as we are able to take it.

Later in my life I decided to study law, and during this period of time I came to realize some important points about learning, self-expansion, and self-creation. I realized that if I want to become really good at what I am doing, I cannot use others as a benchmark. Instead, I must listen to myself, and be self-honest – I must be willing to admit to myself when I am not living to the utmost of my ability and then have the discipline to actively change myself. Having this perspective, studies, learning, work, and career becomes about self-perfection – it becomes about being the best that you are able to be – where there is no comparison – because you do it for yourself. That is also the definition of self-fulfillment – where you fill yourself through challenging yourself, through actively moving forward, through tirelessly looking at where, and how you can push yourself to become more.

Winning as such is a limitation because in making winning the focus you loose touch with yourself and your own potential. In winning, you have to conform to standards of what is considered right, and wrong – however your fullest potential might not even be able to be compartmentalized in such limited words as right, and wrong. Consider for example the work of Bruce Lee. He did not become the best karate or kung fu practitioner – instead he developed his own martial arts where he could express his own unique movements and physical characteristics fully. The same is true with any form of skill or ability that is being developed. To find and realize our full potential, we must do it for ourselves, we must listen to ourselves, and be open to what comes through from within.

The solution to this problem of being addicted to and driven by the desire to win is as such to let ourselves lose. Let go of the hierarchy, of who is the best, and who is the worst, and let us instead look at who we are, and how we can become the best version of OURSELVES. Let us find that innate and deep drive to develop and realize ourselves and make it the quest in all aspects of our lives to find out how much more we be.

Day 266: The Building Blogs of Life

The building blogs of life – what is that?

Consider the following: Who you are is made up out of words, where each word has a definition, and that definition can consist out of other words, experiences, feelings, emotions, pictures, or memories. When you move yourself throughout life, make decisions, create relationships, pursue a career, or commit yourself to a project, your relationship to this point in your life will be dependent on the words and their definitions that you exist/live as. If you accordingly have defined the word love through memories of being hurt – potentially – that word will instigate a fear within you – and hence – when you have an opportunity to create a loving relationship – you will experience resistance/fear/tenseness – because in your world – love is something you want to avoid.

On a deep level in ourselves, this is how we create ourselves and by implication, our lives. We create through the words we ARE – and mostly – we have copied these words from our parents. The result is that we become very limited – we have a limited input of words – a limited input of definitions – and few perspectives/examples of how to live words. Fact is that we already as toddlers integrate and become the words our parents live – as such it happens on a quantum physical level; it is not something that we do consciously. This is the reason as to why words are the building blocks of the human being.

Now, what I want to show in this blog is that blogs, are the building blocks of life. What do I mean by this? Obviously it is not any kind of blog that will be able to become a building block in our lives. The blogs we write must be introspective, self-honest, and focused on finding a solution to a flaw that we see in our character. We all have these flaws, yet most of us do not do anything about it – and this is why most humans live mediocre and average lives – they do not make the most out of themselves and their lives – they remain with their limited vocabulary – and their limited definitions. However those of us that are willing to see our flaws have the opportunity to specify and clarify what these flaws are in writing – through writing a blog – in this getting a perspective and overview of what it is that we are doing within ourselves.

When we SEE ourselves and what we do, when we see the construction of our mental world, our character, we are able to affect change – we are able to specify a solution and live/manifest this solution into existence. Without writing/blogging, this is very hard to do. Hence, each blog written from within this starting point of getting to know self, getting to understand self – is a building blo(g)ck of our life – of the new life we want to create for ourselves where we decide what words to live, and we decide what definitions these words should have.

Writing is one of the most powerful tools of self-creation that exist. Through writing our decisions down, through writing down our inner worlds, through writing down what we want to create, and how we want our life to become – we are able to create a extraordinary life for ourselves – yet not only for ourselves – but for everyone else in our life as well. Each blog is a stepping stone in the process of self-creation – each blog is a statement of WHO I AM and what I will accept and allow – and what I will not accept and allow. Hence, the creation of real life begins with words written down with the intention to bring these words alive.

Day 174: What Are My Projections Telling Me About Myself?

I’ve been applying and walking this point of stopping projections and fears coming up in relation to possible future outflows and events – I’ve found that it’s difficult to stop myself and I see that there are dimensions of this point that I have not yet covered and walked through.

So, this dimension opened up when I discussed my projections with my future – she asked me: “How would you then feel within yourself if you manage to create your projections and make them real, what is that you see would come down the line?”

When I looked at this point, I could see that the primary reason wasn’t so much that it was practical, and it wasn’t so much about fear either, instead I could see that my projection and goal represented an experience and a certain presence – and primarily I saw that it had to do with certainty, self-trust, fulfillment and peace – being at ease with myself. Because when I answered the question, I said that: “fulfilling these plans would make me more comfortable and at ease with myself!” – so, obviously I realize that the point I am facing here is not that the projections are bad or wrong – instead these projections are consistently showing me that there is something I am not giving to myself in my daily living; namely being certain and at peace with myself – an existence free from uncertainty, worry and doubt.

Thus, I realize that my corrective application must contain this dimension of inserting a new programming, a new way of living, and this is something I must create and build for myself in my daily living – and apply myself as these words consistently and with discipline – certainty, self-trust and fulfillment – and thus resulting in me experiencing myself peaceful here.

In this blog I am going to walk through define my correction for myself – as well as forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to live these words in my daily life – the primary point here is to find physical corrections that I will be able to apply in my daily life so that I can actually direct and change this point.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that my future projections are showing my parts of myself that I am not yet living and standing as in my daily life and daily living – that they are showing me the potential that I have here and that I am able to create in every moment of breath – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not fulfill my potential through practicing living certainty, fulfillment, self-trust in every moment of breath – living and applying these words for real as actually trusting myself that regardless of what might come and arise in my world I will direct and I will move the point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I must physically change and direct myself to live self-certainty, which I must do through actually changing my thought patterns, my way of reasoning, and my way of looking at things, to instead of being based within and as fear, anxiety and inferiority, that I am looking at things, looking at my future within and as self-confidence, self-certainty, and self-trust, that I look at it from the starting point that I don’t fear walking into the unknown, that I don’t fear making mistakes, that I don’t fear fucking up – but that I instead trust myself, and direct myself to walk, and do what must be done

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at my future from a starting point of fear and inadequacy – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to condition myself to look at things in my mind from within and as a starting point that “I won’t be able to do this” – and “I can’t handle this” – and thus within this make all of these subordinated plans and escape routes for IF everything goes to hell – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not instead trust myself – and rely upon myself that IF everything goes to hell – I will deal with it – I will direct it – and I will move and sort out the point and not accept and allow myself to go into inferiority and feeling less than – I will instead direct and move the point and not accept and allow myself to fall together and give up

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into and as fear, anxiety, and worry towards the future – and within this make decisions, and look at my future from a starting point of inadequacy, and from a starting point of “I won’t make it” – and “I will not be able to deal with this and walk it through effectively” – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and stabilize myself here – and ask myself: If I remove all of the fear – all of the what if’s – all of the maybe’s – all of the nervousness – then what would be the most common sense decision that is best for all – what would be serve me and those that are in my reality?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice making decisions and moving myself into my future from a starting point of and as self-trust, self-certainty, and stability – knowing that whatever outflow – whatever consequence – whatever might develop and come out of my decisions – I will stand – I will move myself – and I will get things done – and I will not stop and hold back – and give up until I am through and I’ve stabilized myself and directed the situation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at my future from within and a starting point of everything will work out perfectly – versus – everything will completely go to hell and not work whatsoever – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself and my participation – and instead of moving and directing myself in self-certainty – move myself from within and as a starting point of wanting to create a solution that will somewhat work for me – that will be somewhat effective – IF something will come up and emerge in my world that I have not control and power over

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move and motivate myself – and make decisions from within and as a fear of the future – and believe that the best decisions will come from within and as me making a decision that is based on fear – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I am completely limited and withheld from making a decision that would contribute to my existence – as well as the existence of others – and that the best I can do in my life is to make sure that I survive and that I get through my day unharmed – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making a decision to push and walk in my life not only for myself – but for everyone – and push myself to make the best out of my life – not from a starting point of fear – but from within and as a starting point of creating my life and living to be what is best for all – to be superb – to be the best that it can be – wherein I don’t accept and allow compromises in order to satisfy my fears

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when I remove fear – my way of looking at and moving myself into the future is going to change – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not unconditionally ask myself – what is the best direction – what is the best movement – what is the best thing that I am able to do with myself during this coming time – what is it that I require to do – what is that I want to do? What is that I want to contribute? What is it that I want to create? And thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am not able to answer these questions through holding unto fear and anxiety – but that instead I must stand as self-certainty, self-will and self-motivation – and walk myself into my life and build – create – and establish my life – not from a starting point fear or anxiety – but from a starting point of creating a life for myself as well as others that is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not look at my future from a starting point of common sense – to remove the fear and to go into a silence within myself and look at the potential outflows – the potential points that might arise – the potential direction and possibilities and within this remove all fear and anxiety – remove nervousness – removing feeling less than and inferior and instead bring myself back here to and as my human physical body – and stand stable – certain and self-willed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the main-problem and issue that I am facing is not what decisions I am to make for my future – it’s rather WHO I AM within and as these decisions – WHO I AM within and as my human physical body – WHO I AM within and my daily living – and I see, realize and understand that I must make a plan – that fits into my general direction and Desteni that I am creating for myself – and then stick with this plan and walk it through – and not accept and allow my plan to be based upon fear and anxiety – but rather base my plan upon common sense as what I see makes sense and will produce an effective outcome for my future life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel and experience as if there is something missing within me and my life – as if there is something in my general movement and participation that is lacking – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think – perceive and believe that I must make up for this through becoming someone else – through building skills and achieving great marks and becoming ranked as being one of the absolute best – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear becoming seen as one of the absolute least effective – being regarded as having no value and no meaning and no purpose – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live from a starting point of protecting myself from the future and from this eventual play-out of becoming nothing at all – of being nobody at all – of loosing myself and being considered a failure

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I look at my future, to look at it from within and a starting point of energy, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that when I look at a point from within this starting point, I am limiting my perspective, and my view of the point to only see some aspects, and some dimensions, and I don’t see the entirety, and I don’t see how it will influence and affect all of my life – all of my world – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that one of the reasons as to why I don’t experience certainty, and self-trust, and live these words as myself – is because I don’t accept and allow myself to look at the entirety and the complete picture of my world – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to look at all aspects and dimensions of a point when I make a decision – so that I am certain as to what I am creating for myself and whether what I am creating is actually something that I can stand by and that I do want to create and bring into my life and bring into creation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that self-trust and self-certainty arises from me taking responsibility for my life and giving myself direction – and being clear upon what is that I want to create – what is that I want to build and what it is that I want to formulate in my life – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the solution is not go into fear, and build my life from fear, but instead look at common sense, look at what I am able to do, and how I am able to form and shape my life in order to make a difference not only for myself but for others in my life – and thus I commit myself to make this my goal and direction in life – to make a difference not only for myself but also for others – to create solutions that are best for all – and to measure my decisions – to measure my applications – to measure my life from this starting point – where is it that I am able to have an impact – and how am I able to bring forth and integrate such an impact in my life and make it a living reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push and will myself to live and participate from within and as self-certainty and self-trust – and I see, realize and understand that the one point that I require to create and live for myself is trusting myself and that I will direct my life – and create my life – and build my life – regardless of what – regardless of what consequences – regardless of what happens – I will stand – stabilize myself – and find solutions – and thus I commit myself to practice this point of living the wordBe still and know that I am god” – and push myself to find solutions – to find ways to get through and move myself – and define solutions for myself – define ways in which I am able to formulate solutions that will work for everyone and that will birth outflows that will have an effect upon everyone that is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto memories of my past of me failing within certain subjects in school, and in that hearing the voices of my parents saying to me that if I fail with my school I will fail with my life, and I will not able to make anything of myself, and my life, and my world, and my reality will come to nothing whatsoever – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear – to go into anxiety – worry and nervousness – and build my life from this fear that my life might come to nothing – that my life might end up being worthless and without purpose – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not instead insert and live the direction of myself in my life of living in every moment – of being here within and as breath – of having a plan because it’s practical yet not becoming possessed with and controlled by that plan but realizing that life is HERE – that life must walked – lived and created on a moment to moment basis – and that I will never be able to with certainty know and predict exactly how everything will come to pass – instead this is something that I must walk in every moment – and my process will unfold on a breath per breath basis – and thus I commit myself to walk this point of unfolding my process and my life on a breath per breath basis – of having a plan but not being controlled and possessed with the plan – of having a goal but not being possessed with the goal

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that clarity, and direction, and movement, and knowing who I am, where I will go, what I will create, and what I will manifest in this life, will only arise, and come through when and as I let go of fear – when and as I stop fear and bring myself back here and instead of existing in a constant stress and tension towards my future – that I instead direct – move and live myself into creation in every moment of breath; and thus I commit myself to practice this point for the coming week – of sticking with my plans – walking with them – and only changing them or re-directing them when and as it’s not anymore possible or relevant to follow through on them – and then if that occurs look at my world – change – yet not accept and allow this to change who I am – because I am not my plan – the plan is but a plan and not who I am – as I am here as the breath of life in every moment of breath

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I am going into fear of the future, into this point of creating a plan for myself in the hopes of finding certainty, stability and trust somewhere out there in a distant and far out projected future – I immediately stop myself, I breathe and I bring myself back here – and I commit myself to stop the fear, to stop the projection – and to support myself in this – I commit myself to practice living self-trust here – to practice living and directing my life in the moment HERE – and not anymore rely upon fear, imaginations, projections, worries and anxieties to move myself – but instead to move myself HERE – to direct myself HERE

I commit myself to align my future to exist within and as – and from the starting point of creating a difference for everyone – and thus take the world – humanity – everyone into consideration in regards to my future decisions – and as such not anymore be possessed and controlled within and as this personal self-interest and the fears involved in not being able to fulfill my self-interest – thus I commit myself to expand my sphere of influence to as such extend to this world – nature – my partner – my cats – the group I am walking with – and thus change the ME to being a WE – and deliberately push this point through changing my thinking patterns and the way I look at things – to involve more dimensions – more aspects – more outflows – more consequences – and learn to see how one decision will ripple throughout this world and what that one decision will create

Day 10: When Fear Disappears

I’ve now been to the university for about two years, and during this time I’ve had many realizations about what it means to communicate, and interact with other people – and recently I’ve had a break-through in relation to this point – and this is what I will share here.

When I first came to the university I found it to be a cold, and desolate place – apparently it was superficial, shallow, and I couldn’t meet any people that was like me – because I was apparently different – now – this was my experience of the university.

At first I blamed the university for my experience – I said within myself that “everyone in this place are so fearful of each-other” – in order to justify the experience of fear that I had within myself, and in order to have some type of excuse as to why I wasn’t pushing myself to get into the university environment so to speak – in terms of actually pushing myself to develop some relationships, and get myself out there.

I walked this behavior pattern of feeling that I was alone, and different – not only in my university environment – but also – in essence – in every other environment that I came into contact with in my life – and within this I didn’t want to recognize one simple point – that it was I that was responsible for my own experience of myself – and that it was I that was responsible for me not communicating with anyone, and for me finding my day-to-day living to lack social interaction with others.

freefromfearThankfully I’ve enrolled into Desteni I Process – which is a course that Desteni offers that assist self to see where self is holding unto limitation, and fear – and within walking this course, together with writing my Journey To Life blog – I’ve now managed to get myself out of this state of blame, as thinking that the reason for my life being uneventful, and without interaction – is due to my environment – and not due to me. Within this a fascinating thing has occurred – I’ve actually begun to push myself to get out there – to speak – to interact – and to dare to face my innate tendency to be passive, and remain in the rear.

Thus – what has happened through me writing my blogs, and walking the Desteni I Process course, is that fear has begun to subside – and really – I experience this as a blanket that has been removed from my eyes, and that I am finally able to see all the opportunities, and all the adventures that exists here in this very moment – that are in my life, and that are ready to be walked.’

Before – I would never have considered taking the initiative to go and speak to someone that I do not know, or to when and as I see some people speaking with each-other in a group, to go and join them – and communicate, and share myself – I mean this was unthinkable for me – and the reason for this is because I’ve existed in so much fear, and so much anxiety – and it’s really only now – that I can see how extensive my fear, and anxiety have been through-out my life – and how much this have ruined for me in terms of living a fulfilling, and enjoyable life.

Thus – one could say that I am now harvesting the fruits of my hard labor – my hard labor being that of committing myself to do my daily writings, and to walk my Desteni I Process lessons, and to not give up when it get’s tough – but to keep on pushing – and keep on walking – and within this I’ve also seen how all the effort I’ve placed into my process of birthing myself as life – has been so totally worth every minute, and every sweat on my brow – because to live without fear, and anxiety – that is really the coolest, and most enjoyable things that I’ve experienced so far in my life.

One point that I regret though is that I didn’t give this to me earlier! I mean – WHY did I walk my life up to the age of 25 years old in fear, anxiety, worry, and nervousness? How come nobody taught me the simplicity of living within breath, and living without self-judgment, and self-hatred? This is obviously nothing I am able to change – yet I am able to make sure that nobody else have to walk through what I had to walk through – meaning – growing up in a world where there is no support, and assistance in relation to creating an effective relationship with self – and accordingly I’ve committed myself to give up this one life, and walk this life to create a world system that is best for all – wherein all will be given the education of what it means to fully live, and express yourself; as such I’ve devoted my life to bring about a equal money system.

Within this I am able to see that I’ve only yet started my journey to realizing what it means to really live – I’ve transcended some fears, some anxieties – but I mean – there is so much more to discover – so much more to learn! Thus – seeing how I’ve changed in these years walking with Desteni, walking my Journey to Life blogs, and my DIP – I can conclude that it’s really a amazing journey that I’ve walked, and that it only get’s better the more of myself that I invest into it – the more I immerse myself into the process of birthing myself as life from the physical – the more intriguing, fascinating, and completely amazing becomes the journey of discovering what life is all about.

Though – obviously – within this I don’t want to give the impression that walking the process of birthing self from the physical is in anyway easy, or effortless – it’s absolutely not – it’s the most difficult, and arduous thing I’ve ever done; yet – the rewards for walking through the difficulties are so amazing that it simply can’t be envisioned – it must be experienced – it must be lived.

Thus – at the moment – my experience of the university has changed drastically – I do not anymore experience my school as a cold, boring, unfriendly, and callous place – I experience it as a point wherein I am able to be social with others, and enjoy myself – and to explore new relationships, and communicate with others – my prime experience is not anymore fear, worry, or nervousness – instead I experience a sense of calm – and within this I am able to actually explore, and investigate what is here – and to focus upon that which is here as my reality – and have always been here – and not be so strung up, and lost in my own world – my own fear – and my own experiences; I’m turning my eyes into the physical – and out from the realms of the mind.

If you haven’t started writing your JtL-blog – or haven’t yet signed up for DIP I suggest that you do so – as this will really be the best gift you can ever give to yourself – the process is difficult, but the result of your efforts will literally blow your mind – as that is what has happened to me – and this is a good thing.

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Hiding – Part 3

Before reading this entry – please read part 1 and part 2

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the character of not wanting to face myself – existing within and as the belief that “I am so bad – and I am so fucked up – that I can’t do anything about myself” – as such creating a escape route within myself where I think that I am able to avoid this big task of in-fact facing/seeing myself – and instead escape from this task; instead of accepting and allowing myself to see/realize/understand that this belief that I am apparently to fucked up to face myself – it’s only a excuse and justification in order to substantiate my escape from myself – while I do in-fact see/realize/understand that facing myself is what I must do – and what will be the greatest gift that I’ve ever given to myself – as it will accept and allow me to birth myself as life from the physical

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the character/living statement that I don’t want to face myself – instead of seeing/realizing/understanding that it’s stupid to not want to face myself – as the truth of myself is always here anyway, it’s just that I’ve hidden from myself – but that doesn’t mean that the truth of me is still here – and is creating my life and my experience of myself in everyway; as such I see/realize/understand that the obvious common sense is to face myself and get it over with – because that is much more simple than spending a life-time finding excuses and justifications and fighting the truth as myself as how I exist within myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that it’s a thousand times more simple/easy to face myself than to hide from myself – and that hiding from myself is in-fact hard work – and something that must go on for a eternity; while facing myself is something that must only be done once – and then the fight/struggle is over because I am clear within and as myself – I’ve faced and corrected my shit and I can now spend my breaths living instead of fighting; as such I commit myself to stop this eternal fight and instead face myself – within seeing/realizing/understanding that it will feel difficult yet it’s what is best for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that facing myself is difficult – it’s hard – and it’s uncomfortable – yet existing within a statement/character of hiding is even more hard/difficult and uncomfortable – as such it’s easy to see that the best decision for me is to face myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever see/recognize hiding as a solution – not seeing/realizing/understanding the obvious common sense that hiding is never a solution but only a form of postponement – wherein I postpone the inevitable – as such I see/realize/understand that hiding is in-fact completely unnecessary as I will have to face myself anyway – as such why hide to begin with? Why not simply take the pain and discomfort and be done with it here?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within myself to such an extent that I am not able to see how stupid my inner characters of hiding are – as they do not serve any practical/physical value at all – I simply exist as these characters because I was shown to do so – and I’ve always done so – as such existing within and as apathy accepting everything as is thinking that it’s cool – because it’s been like this forever; not accepting and allowing myself to open my eyes and in-fact question what is here – to see whether what is here actually supports a existence that is best for all – and actually supports me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize/understand that I can’t avoid facing myself – that I am in-fact facing myself even though I am hiding from myself – but that I am just avoiding to see who and what I am straight in the face from a starting point of correcting myself – and placing myself in a position within myself of changing and re-aligning myself within myself to what is best for all – to what will in-fact support/assist myself to step out of my current mind-fuck and become a self-directed – self-willed being here in every moment of breath

I commit myself to face myself – and to see/realize/understand that facing myself will be the greatest gift that I’ve ever given to myself; and that there is really no such thing as hiding from myself – but only postponing the inevitable, which is to face myself head-on – to see who and what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be and become – and to re-create myself within and as oneness and equality here as what is best for all

I commit myself to face myself and get it over with – as I see/realize/understand that not wanting to face myself is merely postponing the inevitable – and is only serving to make me and my existence a living hell; and as such I commit myself to take this problem as me and move myself into correction/perfection/alignment with the principle as what is best for all

I commit myself to face myself – seeing/realizing/understanding that I will only have to face myself once – and then it’s done – while hiding is a project that I must walk for eternity – and is a struggle that I can let myself not go through – through simply facing myself here – and walking the necessary self-forgiveness/writing/self-correction to establish myself as clear – stable – and effective within and as my application of myself here as life

I commit myself to see/realize/understand that it’s a far more intelligent decision to face myself than to postpone facing myself – because facing myself will have the outflow of me living comfortably and relaxed within my human physical body; while not facing myself will have the consequence of my living in FEAR – which is a completely ludicrous thing to have myself go through

I commit myself to see/realize/understand that hiding is not a solution but merely a point of postponing the inevitable – as such I will/push myself to establish myself as NOT HIDING – through each day writing/doing my self-forgiveness/walking my self-corrective statements – until everything is out in the open and I am done

I commit myself to not accept my characters simply because I’ve always existed as characters – and because everyone in my world has always shown me the example of living as a character – but I instead push/will myself to question all my characters as to their purpose – and what outflows they create in my life/existence – to as such only accept and allow that which is best for all within me

I commit myself to see/realize/understand that hiding is in-fact a illusion – because actually I am always seeing who and what I am within myself – it’s just that I haven’t dared to place myself in a position of changing myself – correcting myself; as such I stand up within myself and walk self-responsibility – in taking charge of myself – and changing myself – as such stopping the idea/illusion of hiding within and as me