Tag Archives: destonian

Day 395: The Power of Writing

How to remain self-honest and walk process, how to not get distracted and lost in the entertainment offered within the system, how to keep one’s focus and chosen direction in life even though so much time goes into working, money, and other forms of responsibilities that must be handled in order to survive?

These are questions I have been looking at recently, because in acquiring a full time job, getting access to more money and a easier, more comfortable life, it is easy to forget what is important, it is easy to forget one’s purpose, and forgetting that, so many people in this world are without their basic necessities, living in unacceptable conditions, in a system that does not cater to the needs of everyone. What I have found as a solution to this problem is WRITING – the WRITTEN word – that has become my sanity and point of grounding. When everything spins fast, sitting down by my computer, and establishing the words I want to live and stand as within my life helps a lot. In writing, I am able to reaffirm my purpose, direction, movement – I am able to remind myself of what is crucial and what I want to do with myself – because with writing – I have a moment with myself where I am able to deliberately choose my WORDS – and my words become my WORLD.

If we take a look out in the world – we are constantly bombarded with words; advertisements, newspapers, television programs, books, music, conversations with other people – there is a on going soundboard of words entering our worlds daily. Hence – it is not strange that if we ourselves do not take responsibility to design ourselves according to the words we see are best – that we will slowly but surely loose focus – start to slip – forget – become led astray – because we begin to live and integrate words that others have put out into the world – instead of sticking with our own words – that we have decided upon because we see that they are best for us.

Because of this I have decided to put in some time to write most mornings before I leave for work – I use a pen and a paper and I allow it to take time required. However, with writing, I have found that it is not the amount written that matters, it is the principle, the direction, the clarity, the intent, the decisiveness in the words. I can write for an entire day – though if I am not self-honest – it will mean nothing at all. Same is true the other way around, I can write but one sentence, however with that sentence I can change my entire day – I can make a clear decision as to who I am going to be and live that day and then apply it – and through that make a directive and supportive movement in my life.

Hence – with writing – the power lies in writing words that MATTER – writing words that come from the HEART – and then – through writing – looking for and establishing solutions that can be lived PRACTICALLY – PHYSICALLY – HERE. It is through process of placing words that matter that I have been able to support myself to remain grounded and focused on my direction – and hence it is something that I would suggest for anyone interested in supporting themselves to make and create something more with their lives – a life lived from within and as principle – and not moved from thought to thought without any plan or goal.

 


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Day 394: A Decade With Desteni

In late 2008 I found videos on Youtube which contained a young female from South Africa explaining ‘reptilian logic’. One of the peculiarities was that the female did not speak in her own personal capacity. In the beginning of the video she breathed out heavily, and then took a deep in-breath, and through this process she was able to portal various forms of expressions in existence to come and speak through her body. I had never seen such a thing up to that point in my life and naturally I was blown away. For several months I was transfixed by these videos, and there were already at this point several hundreds of them, and half a dozen of new videos were uploaded every day. This was how I found DESTENI – and this was the beginning of how I came to change my life completely.

When I found the Desteni videos I was a disillusioned, angry, and lazy young man. I was looking for some kind of adventure and purpose in my life. I really had no idea what I was going to do with myself – however – I knew that I did NOT want to become part of the system – I did not want to spend my life breaking my back in the literal or figurative coal mines of the world. I felt a great resistance towards adults and the life they led and judged them as sellouts – that had given up on their childish drive to express in order to ascertain a secure livelihood. Obviously, at this stage in my life, I was still very much immature, and had not yet understood the demands and pressures of living in this world – because I had always had my survival ensured by my parents – there were always enough money – and thus I could afford to judge and place myself outside of the current money system.

This all changed with Desteni. In late 2009 I decided to travel to South Africa to stay on the Desteni farm for three months. Here I met with Destonians from all kinds of locations and nationalities and with the founder of Desteni, Bernard Poolman. It was during my stay at the farm that I came to see that I did have some severe character problems that I had to change. One of the core issues that I identified was laziness and my tendency to move around aimlessly, without direction, without purpose, doing that which I wanted to do because I found it fun/entertaining, and not caring about contributing towards creating something substantial in my own life, let alone in the lives of others. During my stay at the farm I was encouraged to develop DISCIPLINE and to make a DECISION as to the PURPOSE/DIRECTION of my future life. I made the decision within myself to GO FOR IT – and I utilized the tools of Desteni (self-forgiveness, self-commitment statements and writing yourself to freedom) to push my boundaries and go where I had never gone before.

When I got home I decided upon my direction in life – I studied to improve my marks from college and was later admitted to the university. Here I made it my PURPOSE to LEARN and ACQUIRE as much knowledge and skill as was possible in my given field – and for a period of five years – I was completely engulfed in my studies – and recommitted myself each day to do my utmost. I graduated with grades that reflected my commitment and steadfast application – something that I would NEVER have been able to do without the assistance and support of Desteni, the courses, the support and the tools they offer. The Desteni group, that was always a part of my life, helped me as a reminder, to refocus and continuously bring myself back to that which is IMPORTANT – that which is SUBSTANTIAL – that which actually MATTERS. Because, it is SO easy to get lost in this world. There are temptations everywhere – and so many of us invest extreme amounts of energy, effort, time and money into shallow relationships, short term gratifications such as drugs, alcohol, money and sex – while missing that which is of most pressing importance – WHO WE ARE – and OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH OURSELVES.

Desteni has consistently assisted and supported me to bring myself back to that which is important and significant – that which actually means something on a long term basis. Through the courses and tools offered by Desteni I have been able to empower myself in ways which I could not have imagined. It is truly fascinating to have witnessed and been a part of my own process of transformation – where I have moved myself from an obstinate adolescent – to instead wanting to and being willing to walk in this world – to integrate myself into society and the workforce – so that I am able to contribute and give as I would like to receive.

It is now a Decade since Desteni formed and began producing content aimed at supporting people to make the best out of themselves and their lives. For me, that has been part of this organization for several years at this point, I cannot begin to express how grateful I am to have been given the chance to walk with such a rock solid group of people and to have received their support and guidance. Desteni has given me the opportunity to become and do so much MORE in this life – I have grown and matured as a person which is something that will stay with me for the rest of my life. I now dream about a world where everyone will be given the same opportunity as I have and that is something I will strive to create. Everyone deserves the opportunity to develop themselves and their lives and make something extraordinary out of it – this is what Desteni provides.


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Day 393: Talking Back

In my experience, one of the more destructive patterns in a relationship is the desire/urge to TALK BACK when feeling mistreated/hurt/diminished/unjustly treated. It is a problem to talk back in such instances because I am not entirely stable – and hence my words will be smudged with energy – some of them will not make sense – and they will result in a counterattack from the opposite side. For me, it is has felt like talking back is something that happens automatically, it is something that I really cannot help, or something that I just have to do in order to make sure that I protect myself effectively. These are the justifications that I have used to accept and allow talking back – because really – talking back is a very obvious phenomenon – with clear consequences – it is easy to see when I am talking back and all that would be required is to STOP.

However, I found that even though the pattern of talking back is obvious, it is difficult to stop, and the main reason for this I have found is COMPETITION – I do not want to lose! I do not want to be the one that falls flat on the ground. The problem as such is not talking back in itself – the problem is that I am competing and believe that the words of the other person has real impact, real weight, real power over me and my value as a person, and that I have to ‘strike back’ in order to make sure that the field is equalized and that I am not fighting from a position of inferiority.

Thus – a solution in these moments when I experience an urge to talk back it to remind myself that there is NO competition – the idea that there is a competition only exists in my mind – and as such – I do not have to shape my life around this misconception. I do not have to defend and protect myself when it comes the words others use – it is most definitely an illusion that there would be such a need. And hence – instead of talking back – I can breath – ground myself in my physical – and VOICE myself. And the focus of my VOICING would be to remain stable and calm – and to stick with common sense and with what I see is best – and not for a moment accept and allow myself to fall into the quagmire of competition.

And let us say that I fall and notice that I begin to talk back –  here I still have an opportunity to stop – I still have an opportunity to ground myself – to remind myself that it is about MYSELF and that talking back is completely meaningless – because – what I am I trying to accomplish? If I now manage to win this illusory competition – will I get a price? Hardly. Will I feel better about myself? No, because there will still be a on-going conflict between me and the other person. Hence – if I want to WIN for REAL – the solution would be to stick with my stability – stick with my common sense – remain stable – and VOICE myself – standing as an example in that moment of dealing with a conflict situation in a mature way.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to protect myself in situations of conflict – to believe that I have to defend myself and push the other person away in situations of conflict – to believe that I have to use words to convince myself and the other person that I am not losing – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not remain stable – breathing – understanding that words cannot bring me down

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to talk back trying to win in a illusory competition in my mind – where I think that the words of another can diminish and dis-empower me and that I hence need to be prepared and ready to fend of any attacks and injustices with voicing myself loudly – and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in fending of – that in fighting – that in trying to win and protect myself – I am entirely missing the point of finding and establishing a solution – and obviously that is where my attention should be at – what is the solution in this conflict? What is the direction ahead? How can we move forward in order to create a sustainable solution that is best for all? Those are the questions that should be asked within me – and answered in how I voice myself in that moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not place my attention and focus on SOLUTIONS – what is the SOLUTION? How can I move forward? And hence – deliberately and actively move myself away from thinking that I am in a competition and that I need to fight – to will myself to win – to defeat all competition – and to understand within this – that the solution is to make sure that I am stable and that I look at what is best for all and do not lose myself in self-interest

Self-commitment statements

When and as I am in a conflict-situation and I want to talk back, or I have already begun to talk back, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that talking back will not solve anything, talking back will not protect me, talking back will not give me anything, talking back will not produce anything of value in my life – rather – in order to have value within me and my life – I require to remain grounded and speak COMMON SENSE – speak what I see is best for all – FOCUS on solutions – and understand that words cannot harm or hurt me – and hence I COMMIT myself to VOICE myself – to share solutions of common sense – and to stick with my stability – and to STOP speaking if I notice that I am talking back – and then remove myself – and stabilize myself – and then return to the topic at a later stage – if necessary – within stability

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Day 391: Living COMPLETELY

During this week I have focused my application on the immediate living of words in the moment. When I have had a reaction, I have applied a line of self-forgiveness within me, and then I have immediately proceeded to see what word would be supportive for me to live in order to walk through and transcend the reaction. I allowed myself to be unconditional when I looked at the words, to just see what came up, and thus far a couple of interesting words have arisen that I had not applied/lived before – such as the word COMPLETE. And in this blog I am going to expand upon my understanding and application of the word complete.

This word came up within me one morning as I had just woken up, I was preparing to go to work, and I was noticing how stress was building up within me. The stress was primarily about getting to work in time, accomplishing my work, thinking about what I am going to do later in life in terms of work, thinking about whether or whether not I will be able to live in my current house later in life or not; to sum it up – FUTURE ANXIETY. I applied self-forgiveness and looked at what word that could be lived – and then COMPLETE came up within me.

I proceeded to take COMPLETE – I placed it within me chest – and then practiced immediately embodying the word. I could immediately feel a shift in my body – my stance became more upright, stable, certain, yet still, my muscles relaxed and my posture became more natural and balanced. My awareness shifted into what was HERE around me – I was making coffee for myself – hence – I observed and partook in the process with full presence – which was very cool. Then I realized the power of living the word COMPLETE – and how this is a word we as human beings have been really bad at living.

I realized that when living COMPLETE – meaning – I AM COMPLETE HERE – the notion of running, stressing, racing towards or after something becomes ludicrous and nonsensical – what is there to race after if I am COMPLETE here? Why should I think about, constantly strive towards, and attempt and try to achieve something more than myself, when I am COMPLETE?

I then asked myself, if I would consider my current state of living complete, at least in the sense of material standards, who would I be? Would I still be thinking about what kind of job I would have in the future? Would I still be thinking about where I am going to live in the future? In a way, such considerations and thoughts are immaterial – or put differently – unimportant under the circumstances – and if it would so happen that I would die after having made this cup of coffee – then would I ever regret not having lived in a different house? Surely not. My regrets would rather be about who I was as a person, the relationships I was able to create with people in my life, the value and worth that I was able to contribute into the lives of others, the value and worth that I was able to contribute into the life of my own – that would be of importance – that would be relevant – that would be material – and that thus forms a integral part of living the word COMPLETE.

Because living COMPLETE – means that I am COMPLETELY here – and that I make the most – the FULLEST – in every moment to live myself as a COMPLETE person – complete in the sense that I am not separated – spread thin and wide in my mind – where my attention is scattered between all kinds of irrelevant things/ideas/beliefs/emotions/feelings. Standing as the word COMPLETE is thus a completely different experience in comparison to living life from a starting point of inadequacy and feeling incomplete – which so many of us do. And then we try to find completion in our careers, in partners, in children, in all kinds of external manifestations – while all the time missing the point – the living COMPLETE is a matter of principle – a DECISION – that we do and must stand by – and implement in every moment.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live the word COMPLETE – as being COMPLETELY here in this moment – being COMPLETELY present – completely directive – completely taking part in my process of self-creation and thus not accepting and allowing myself to be separate – separate from the physical – separate from what is real through having thoughts, images, pictures, fantasies, all kinds of distractions in my mind – take me away from what is real HERE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that completion is not something that I will be able to attain through my external reality, that it is not something that I will be able to earn as money, or acquire as friends, recognition, power or importance – rather – it is something that I must live and apply in every moment of breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I will never be able to attain completion – it must be a decision that I make – I must LIVE completion in order to bring it into manifestation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget the word COMPLETE – and accept and allow myself to be scattered into a million of small pieces in my mind – hence forgetting that what is real is HERE – forgetting what I knew and could see as a child – that reality is HERE – and that there is in-fact nothing more to attain/achieve – than what is HERE in a moment – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get stuck in a linear way of looking at my life – where it is all processes that goes from A to B – and where there is always a movement from A to B – and thinking that I will only ever be able to relax when I get to B – not seeing, realizing and understanding – that COMPLETION is always HERE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from COMPLETE – thinking that it is a too good a word for me – and that I will never be able to live or stand as complete – because I have not earned it – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I must earn living COMPLETE – that it is something that must come into my life after a long process of showing that I have earned it – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that it is a word – and that I can make a decision to live it HERE

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself longing, looking at, fearing, worrying about, the future in some way or another, where I project a complete version of myself somewhere out there, that I will only be able to attain after a long and arduous process, I stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring that point of COMPLETION here – and I see, realize and understand – that COMPLETION is a decision that I live and not something that I can wait for – and it is not something that I will get from my external reality – it will be something that I create/manifest/life as a decision – and hence I commit myself to practice living COMPLETE – to bring all of myself HERE into the physical and to stand FULLY and COMPLETELY here – and to use moments of falling to learn and become better at standing as a COMPLETE and FULL version of myself HERE

 


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Day 390: Not Enough Time For Process?

What I have been looking at recently is how to make sure that I am walking and moving myself in my process even though there is not as much time for writing and self-introspection as there used to be. I have found that writing is a superb technique for giving myself a moment to stop, to look, and to establish a direction for myself. However, it is not possible to do this the same way anymore, and hence revolution is required, a new paradigm must be shaped.

One way in which I have been able to incorporate process in my daily living is through applying self-forgiveness out loud every time I am driving by myself. Another way in which I have been able to do it is through applying self-forgiveness within myself each time I have a reaction. The next step as I see it, to support myself to make process even more so, a natural part of my life, by practicing the IMMEDIATE CORRECTION after I have applied self-forgiveness.

Thus far I have experimented with LIVING WORDS as a correction after I have applied self-forgiveness, which is challenging and expansive. After I have had a reaction and applied self-forgiveness, I look within myself to see whether there is a word I am able to embody that would assist and support me to change and align my inner experience. Today when I woke up, within me there was a undefined angst, I forgave the experience and looked within, and here I could see the word COMPLETION. Hence – I immediately went into application living the correction – COMPLETION – which I lived through being completely in my body – each part – being complete in myself – hence allowing myself to see, realize and understand that there is nothing more I need and require to chase and achieve – I am complete in my MYSELF here – and this chase and hunt to achieve something more – it is not real.

Hence – even though my life has changed – even though things are different – and there is less time – it does not have to mean that there is less process. Rather – this is an opportunity for myself to push and will myself to really make process part of my entire life – and not accept and allow myself to walk and apply process in but parts of my life.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am able to apply and make process part of all my life – that only because I do not have time to write, or apply self-forgiveness out loud, it does not have to mean that I must hold back in my process of self-creation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to establish ways, methods, means of walking process HERE even though there is a time constraint – to see, realize and understand that this is a new challenge – where I will have to establish myself even though I cannot walk process the way I used to do it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that using the excuse that I cannot walk process because there is not enough time is not valid – because the only that is needed to walk process is me – and I am here in every breath – and thus I can push and will myself to make and have process be part of my everyday life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that process is WHO I AM – that it is thus something that I can walk regardless of circumstances – and hence I push and commit myself to walk process in every moment – to walk process in every breath – to make it part of my every step – and to practice living words as an immediate correction in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need things to complete me – that I need certain things to happen in the future to complete me – that I need a certain life to complete me – that I need a certain security to complete – and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider and also to not live the word COMPLETION for and as myself – as something that I do to assist and support myself

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself waiting for process, or defining process as writing, or as applying self-forgiveness out loud, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that process is HERE – that process is my decision to walk and transcend my mind and change myself as who I am and birth myself as a trustworthy and life-supportive individual – that process is something that I can put into and have in my daily living as a constant point of consideration – where I push myself in every breath to apply and live words; hence I commit myself to each time I have a reaction – to take a moment to apply self-forgiveness – and then find a corrective word that I can live – and then live it

When and as I see that I am waiting to be completed by something outside of me, by a thing, or a person, or a activity, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I will never be able to find and achieve that completion by taking someone or something outside of me into my life – rather completion is a decision – it is WHO I AM – and it is lived in every moment – as a decision to stand COMPLETE – to stand FINISHED – to not be separated into thoughts and experiences – but stand as one in the moment and be fully here; and thus I commit myself to practice the word COMPLETE – through bringing everything here – bringing it all back to myself into the moment – into and as my human physical body – and grounding my presence and awareness HERE


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Day 389: Using My Time To Do What Matters

With having children one thing that I have realized is the amount of time I used to have at my disposal – BEFORE – having children – which is similar to the realization I had when I started working full time – only then did I understand how much time I had when I did not work full time. It has put into perspective how I use my time. Now, when I sit down to watch a television series, it is not anymore something that I just do. Now is it a decision within me, where I know that if I use this time to look at this series, it will not come back, and I that I will not be able to do the other things I considered. Hence, what having children has opened up has been my relationship to time and what I spend it on.

Because, time is a resource, which only becomes visible and valuable when there is little of it. When people face terminal illnesses, the time left at their disposal becomes invaluable. Or, when a father or mother gets a days vacation, without the presence children to be cared for or household chores to be done, that day becomes precious. Now when I have a child, I understand. I understand why people look and meticulously plan for and dream about their summer vacation – it is all about time. However, what I cannot help to ask is why we do not learn and push ourselves to develop this respectful relationship to time regardless of how much of it we have at our disposal. Would it no have been awesome if we as children and young adults would have used and cherished all that time we had and used it constructively to support ourselves and the building of our future? I say that it would have been.

Unfortunately I cannot go back in time, thus I will have to make due with what is here, and currently there is very little time at my disposal. Hence, what I can do is to push myself to really use, cherish, and hold this time tightly, to make sure that I do not waste a second – where wasting would be to drift off in my thoughts, to remain in a emotional experience, to feel bored, depressed, or listless – MAN – there is no TIME for such nonsense! Because life is meant to be SENSED – and we are meant to ACTIVELY engage with life on all levels of creation. And I find that small children do this very well. They are very attuned to their physical surroundings and live in every moment – FULLY – that is what I mean with USING time – living FULLY – and that is what I want to do and experience with my life.

Hence – I will make sure that I do utilize all of my life – all of my time fully – to not remain in the backseat accepting and allowing things to proceed as they have – on routine – no – I will push myself to life and engage with life actively at any opportunity I get.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in automation mode – and to believe/act is if I have all the time in the world – and as if there are no consequences to wasting my time – and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and bring myself back here and actively push myself to live actively – to live in the moment – to use my moments to support myself – to if I have a moment – some time available – to make sure that I utilize it in a way that is supportive and that moves me forward – and that I do not fall into the trap of entertainment and existing but only to be distracted

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become distracted and lose my connection with physical reality through thinking – through imagination – through spending my time/my breaths in my mind instead of being HERE within and as physical reality – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I am losing my connection with what is real – here – when and as I accept and allow myself to become obsessed about external points – or entertainment in the form of thoughts arising in my mind – and hence I see, realize and understand that the solution is to breathe and to make sure that my focus – that my attention – that my HERE – my presence and living is HERE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that in order to live fully, I require to let go of my distractions, let go of my mind, let go of my fantasies, let go of me wanting to exist and remain within and as a state and condition of inner experience/feeling/happiness – where I utilize my thoughts to drug myself into a state of non-recognition – where I am not really here with the physical – and thus I commit myself to effectively in every moment bring myself back to life and living by breathing and remaining practical/physical here – as I see, realize and understand that this is the solution – this is the way forward

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not utilize my time effectively – and hence I see, realize and understand that utilizing my time effectively means that I live/create/move myself in every moment – that I do not wait or postpone or make myself dependent upon my mind for me to create and live – but that every breath is a moment of creation – a moment of bringing myself back here – a moment of grounding myself into what is real – into physical living and participation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not in every moment remind myself what is real – that it is not the thoughts racing around in my mind – but that it is my breath – that it is my physical, grounded stability here – that is what I am able to trust – that is what I am able to stand by – that is what I am able to hold within me – as I see that this is what I can always fall back upon when things get tough – that my breath is a sacred place of movement and expansion – that here I am able to return in every moment to seek support and assistance and to find direction when there is seemingly none to be found – moment to moment

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself becoming distracted by thoughts, or distracted by pictures/movements in my external reality, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that I am in this moment separating myself from the physical, separating myself from what is real, accepting and allowing myself to become passenger to my mind instead of actively creating myself – and hence I commit myself to take a breath and bring myself back here to actively and fully create myself – and to do that through breathing, coming back to my breath, back into my physical, back into my grounded stability, and that I then proceed to move from HERE and forward into life

 


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Day 388: Is It Possible To Be Too Ambitious?

Since becoming a father, one of the ways in which my life has radically changed has been that I have a lot less time at my disposal. On a usual weekday, I am able to get home from work, deal with my responsibilities, and then there might be an hour left for me to do with as I decide. Naturally the weekends has come to represent the ‘time’ when I get to really have time for my projects and more time consuming responsibilities. Because of this the weekends are usually packed with things that I have planned that I am going to do. Unfortunately, because I have planned SO many things during the weekend, my schedule tends to become too ambitious. The consequences thereof is that I haste through my tasks, that I become frustrated when things take longer than what I initially planned, and that I become stressed when I see the clock moving forward with unbreakable determination.

I discussed this with my partner, and she brought up the point that I might be too ambitious with my activities/projects/things I desire to be done during the weekdays and weekends and that this then causes me to become/live in a state of stress pressure – and where my responsibilities become burdens/shackles – and not something that I am doing/taking part of as an expression of myself. I can see that she has a point. Instead of realigning my plans when things get too tight, I try to squeeze everything in there through forcing myself to move faster, think faster, do things faster. Hence, from my perspective, I can benefit from approaching this point in a wholly different way – and some of the alignments that I see I have to do is to be less ambitious with my planning – and also – to practice becoming more flexible and easy-going when I see that my plans will not hold up – and that there is a lack of time.

Thus, two words comes up for me that I want to look at/redefine/live in my life to solve this problem of mine: Realistic and Flexible.

Redefining words

Realistic

What is interesting about the word realistic is that, from my perspective, it should be natural to be realistic, considering that we have grown up in a world, that is realistic, and that we are continuously throughout our days faced with a REAL reality. Hence, the reason why I have had difficulty to be realistic is because I have obscured my clarity with feelings and emotions, in this case, particularly hope and fear. Fear being the central point of motivation, where I fear not getting done certain things, and then hope, as the energy that I use to suppress my fear and fool myself that I am able to do and get to more things than what I am actually able to handle.

To live realistic practically would thus be to FORGIVE and LET GO of my fears, and then to proceed making decisions about my day without hope. Instead, I will practice myself to see my reality for what it is – simply for what it is – nothing more than – nothing less than – instead PHYSICAL reality – what is ACTUALLY here for real.

Flexible

Flexible, being able to change direction, change plans, change mindset on the go. This is important, because when something is not working, when there is in-fact to little time for me to walk through an ambitious schedule, that is when it is important to notice this, and allow myself to change direction. Hence to live flexibility with regards to this point would be the ability to act in the moment and dare to change and veer of path when I see that this is the best direction to go.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on too much, to be too ambitious, to try to do too much, and because of that, stretch myself thin, and become stressed and worried, because suddenly, I am not anymore in control, and what seemed to be so simple and easy to get done in my mind, is not as simple and easy in real life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a ‘minor value complex’ – where I believe that the way I prove my value and worth is by making sure that I can recognition from others because of how many things that I am able to do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to establish my value in life by actions and by showing how good I am at what I am doing – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pressure myself to do too much – and to because of that – become locked into a trapped in a state of fear and anxiety – because no matter how much I try to do – there is always more to be done

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not learn how to relax and settle down and be realistic and easy going with my demands, with my schedules and plans for what I am going to do and achieve with the time I have at my disposal

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be flexible and realistic when it comes to what I have to do, the time at my disposal, and what I am able to get done without placing undue strain on myself – and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath – to bring myself back here – and make sure that I am realistic, calm and flexible, so that I can approach responsibilities and projects with stability

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to plan for too much, and then become stressed and anxious when my plans do not match my reality – and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get stuck in my tendency of planning for, and doing too much, not remaining practical and grounded with my plans, and seeing what could work, and also, not placing any value into how much I get done, but instead doing as much as I am able to in any given moment, and not defining myself as less than or more than depending upon how much I am able to achieve

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create too much to do in my mind from a starting point of fear of not getting enough/sufficient with things done – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit and contain myself into and as a state of stress/anxiety/wanting to get things done – and constantly strive to get more things done – because constantly feel that I am not doing enough things

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be realistic/practical/common sensical when I make plans/decisions as to what I am going to do throughout my day

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be realistic/specific and use my experience as to how much time a certain point takes to bring through and complete when I make plans – and then if I notice that I have more or less time – to be flexible and change my plans according to what is required

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not relax, to take a deep breath in, and a deep breath out, when I make plans and look at how to arrange my day – to make sure that I am not driven by an anxiety or fear – but that I am moving myself within and as common sense – that I am walking and pushing myself from within and as a starting point of stability – and that I do not try to within stress/haste – grab any opportunity to make things work out because I fear the consequences if I do not

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself making plans or looking at how I am going to arrange my day from within and as a starting point of fear/stress/anxiety – I take a breath – I bring myself back here and I see, realize and understand that in making plans from this experience, I am going to make unrealistic plans, I am going to make plans that I will then hurry, fight, and be anxious/worried about completing, because there simply is not enough time to complete them within, and hence I commit myself to practice being realistic and specific when making plans – to be stable when I do them – to thus also understand that at times I will to be less ambitious with certain points – at other times I will to prioritize and not do other things – that I must weigh and consider what is most important and then learn to make a decision


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