Tag Archives: destonian

Day 459: The Anonymous Professional

The anonymous professional – that is what most of our contacts with the system has turned into. Big corporations or franchises with centralized offices run and administrate the needs we have as an individual and a society. Let us look at a few examples.

Before we used to live in in village or city for the bigger part of our life, or one part of a city, and there we knew most people and we were also known by most of the other inhabitants. Our family and extended family many times lived close by or in the same city. We bought groceries from a small and usually family owned supplier that in turn had connections with local farmers, butchers, bakers etc. We knew the owner of the shop and he knew us and we knew where his supplies came from because we knew his suppliers. There was an attachment to our local, our culture, a dependence that could be felt, experienced and seen. Nowadays – that sense of local co-creation is gone and similarly the understanding of dependence.

Our supply lines have become widely scattered and thus we have no chance of being able to tell where our products come from. Furthermore, the companies we interact with are owned by anonymous stock owners with no connection to the local area that the shop operates in. The shop is just a number on a sheet to the stock owners. And – with much certainty you have moved from the place of your birth and you have no deep connection to the place you live except that you call it your home. We have lost our attachment to reality – and this is hence reflected in the world, in the system, and it is shown through how the search/hunt/desire for money has more and more taken over the values of human interaction and relationships based on integrity and dependence. Today numbers on a sheet means a lot more than what exists in reality – while before – other values were considered. Today – nationalism and religion are basically dead – and countries are run like corporations – there is very little sense of connection and pride left to the place of our birth other than when it comes to sports.

I find this fascinating to observe. In my line of work, the relationships between the supplier and the customer used to be personal and based on individual trust and confidence – and it was not unusual that the supplier and customer created relationships that lasted for a lifetime. Today – there is no such loyalty or connection. The customers pick their service provider based on the resume of the company and not the connection/resume of the individual supplier.

Thus – our connections to one another has professionals and privately have become more and more vague and non-existent. And thus – most of our connections now are with the anonymous professional – we do not know him and he does not know us – however we put our faith in his hands – and hence we trust that the system will give us what we need.

How do we change this?

We change by become more locally connected – to our immediate reality. What is happening HERE? What relationships do we have HERE? And how can we invest ourselves for REAL in our current HERE reality, whether that be with our family, friends or work? Because that is how we integrate and connect ourselves on a real and personal level and beyond the anonymity.


Day 456: Filthy Rich

I have watched the Netflix documentary Filthy Rich about Jeffery Epstein and his crimes. Jeffery Epstein managed to create a pyramid scheme with young women and girls that were forced to please him sexually and also lured to bring new women into the plot. And what the series shows is the power we give money and how we are generally exceptionally bad at managing money.

Lets first look at Jeffery Epstein. He managed to earn millions of dollars and to create a massive personal wealth. Yet, what did he do with those money? He lived out his sexual deviances to the extreme and bought a variety of expensive toys to solidify his position in the world. And Jeffery Epstein was apparently very intelligent, however he still did not manage to see the amount of difference he would have been able to do in the world with his own personal capacities and his wealth. All the money, his personal charm and charisma, it was just used to further his own interests.

And I am not saying that Jeffery Epstein was a particularly bad person. Each of us has a Jeffery Epstein living within. It is that point of self-centered desire, where we just WANT something, and we do not care about what we do to get it – or where we have money and can make our own lives comfortable – and then we do not care at all about making the life of others better. We all have that self-interested money hoarder within us – and it shows clearly in the world as it exist today – extreme polarities between the rich and the poor. If we would have actually cared, it would have been completely natural to make it a priority to give our excess money to those in need.

It is also interesting to see the amount of attention we place on Jeffery Epstein as the ‘bad’ person. What is not seen however is that Jeffery Epstein would not have been able to pull it off unless he had people that helped him. He was dependent on personal assistants, janitors, clients, friends and family, to fulfill his desires. And why did these people help him? Because there was money to be earned – Jeffery was able to make your dreams come true – he just needed to buy them. And so the people literally sold their soul to the devil for money – and pretended not to see what was happening.

And this is why I see that we cannot put blame on Jefferey Epstein. If you were part of his organization, you knew, and did not do anything about, you are an equal part of the problem – you are the allower. And thus – the allower is an equal culprit to the actual assailant – because if the allower would stand up and say NO – the abuser would not be able to continue. This is what happened during ME TOO – women stood up together and said till here no further. And look at what happened. An amazing movement where many rotten tomatoes were quickly brought out into the light and cleaned up. And this is the power we as the majority have – we are powerful – more powerful than money – if we stand up together and use our voices – no money in the world can save the abusers. It is the same in politics – we have yet to understand our power as a people and that we are able to change the ENTIRE narrative of our reality and world. Though when we do see, the changes will come quickly, as was showed with the Me Too movement where it basically happened overnight.


Day 455: My Compass When It Comes To Money

What is my compass? My direction? My meaning in life? Why am I here?

I was asked this question and it was difficult for me to answer it. For a long time my purpose has been to walk my process of self-change – to learn to express and share myself to my fullest. And this is still true. If it is one thing I know, it is that I really want to walk my process and do that properly. Yet still, my mind is pulling me in many other directions, and one of the more alluring paths is the path of money and consumerism.

It is easy to fall into the money trap – when you have money you fall because you want more and when you have none you fall because you cannot think of anything else. And then we become blinded to what is here before us – and blinded to what matters – because all we can think of and care about is money.

For me, this drive and urge to be successful with money stems from comparison and from looking at what others do and how others live their lives. It was easier when I was younger to see and know my path because I was not as involved in the money system – I had made a decision to be an outsider and enjoy life without caring too much about it. Now I have stepped into the system and I am part of it everyday – and when I see the life of others, it influences me – or rather – I allow it to influence me.

I want to reach a point within me where I am in this world but not of it – where I can walk into the money system and earn the money I need to survive without becoming engrossed with it and compromised in my integrity. That is hard to do – and to support me I need a purpose/clarity/direction in relation to who I am and what I am really doing in the system – that can function as my compass – my map when things get blurred.

What is my compass in relation to money and the world system? The way I see it – I participate with money in order to support myself to walk my process – I need a stable environment – I need a stable world – that allows for me to focus on myself and utilize the tools of self-creation – that gives me time to write, time to introspect, time to read, and time to share my process of self-creation with others. Money supports my process.

I also participate in the world system to share myself and my expression and to give of my skills and talents to others – to share myself with the world. This is some of the most rewarding and enjoyable aspects of working – when I see I can make a difference in the lives of others.

I also participate in the money system to be able to give those closest to me a supportive, stable and enjoyable life. And to give money to organizations and groups that I believe will make a difference in this world that is best for all. Such groups need donations to flourish – and if everyone would have given some of their money to those that are in need – we would have a very, very different world.

That is my reason and compass at the moment that I will use and look back at when things get hectic and I forget what is real and what is not – and my mind starts shifting into consuming, buying and forging a lifestyle out of comparison and jealousy.


Day 454: Breaking Out of Monotony

I looked at at the following video yesterday by Cerise Poolman – and I suggest watching it if you can relate to living/having a monotonous life.

In my case, I can definitely relate to much of my life being routine/same old, same old. This is especially true when it comes to work and weekdays as they are so structured around the 8-17 schedule. And I can see how this stunts me, because I am very comfortable with each part of my weekday – it is in my deep comfort zone – and to get out of there while being at work is pretty difficult as I have done/repeated/tried the work so money times that I know most of it by heart.

Thus I can see that I have a need for more challenges and more time outside of my comfort zone. And I am completely aware that I thrive in such circumstances. I love being outside of my comfort zones and that is why I enjoy new jobs so much. It really brings me so much joy and pleasure. However, I still need to go to work, I still need to get money to survive, and thus that begs the question, how do I bring in challenges into my life right now, that is not dependent on where I work.

I do however see a couple of points where I can push myself outside of my comfort zone at work: I can read more, educate myself more on subjects that I find difficult to grasp/understand, and that I have pushed away because of that, I can engage more socially with my colleagues and be more active in this regard, I can network and develop my selling/persuasion skills and my CV more, find ways in which I am able to connect with people and companies, and also push myself to actively look for opportunities to increase my income. Those are aspects of my work that I have resisted and that I see can benefit from as a person if I explore and expand myself within.

When it comes to leisure life my greatest challenge, and where I see I have the most room for expansion, is in being present/active/engaged with my daughter when I take care of her. I have a tendency to do the bare minimum and be satisfied with that, but I see that I grow much as a person when I push myself to make something more with the time with my daughter. The resistance I have towards this is towards being intensely here, which my daughter always is – and I tend to experience that as exhausting. And that could be because this presence skill is like a muscle, you have to exercise and practice for it to grow into its full potential. And when I am with my daughter I am on a binge in exercising my presence skill.

I see that I can sit here for quite a while a look at various things that I could do to challenge myself and get out of my comfort zone. However, as a general principle, I would say that I want to become aware of the opportunities in my life to step out of my existing comfort boundaries, and to push for such opportunities if I notice that my life has gotten stuck in a rut. I want each day to bring something new – and for that – I have to be on my toes and ready to bite when I see an opportunity to experience/do something new and challenging.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get stuck in a rut by doing the same things over and over again and becoming satisfied with that monotony – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that by pushing myself out of my comfort zone and doing things I have not yet tried – I will grow and develop as a person and being – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push to create that spark of movement each day where I push myself out of my accepted boundaries and into the new and unexplored

I commit myself to be aware of and push for new opportunities where I can explore and experience new things – and to thus push myself to step out of my comfort zones and beyond that which I have known


Day 453: Missing What Is Here

When I look back at what I regret, one point that stands out is not allowing myself to be comfortable and enjoy the life that I have. I have tended to feel stressed, hurried, and driven to move forward, fast, towards the new and unexplored, and that has left me with a sense of having left behind possibilities that I could have explored, if I had not been so stressed about moving forward.

And that is one of my greatest challenges at the moment, to let myself rest with my current situation. To allow myself to be here, to explore my current life, the relationships in it, the hobbies, and interests I have, the moments that arise during my day, and not be in such a hurry to move along. And my greatest teacher is my daughter. She is amazing at remaining in the present. She has no conception of time, to her, the only time that matters is here and now – and that is what I want to create for and as myself. The complete amalgamation with the current moment.

What stands in my why is this undercurrent of stress and anxiety – the belief that I must somehow speed myself and my life up to be able to attain and reach the possibilities – while the opposite is really true – I need to slow myself down – put myself to rest – in order to see what I can create in this moment. Creativity is really only possible in this moment here – because creativity needs spontaneity, it needs connection to be expressed, otherwise it becomes a reasoned, rational and logic plan – but not a moment of expression.

Thus how to live this more in my life?

Breathing and grounding myself physically here is important. When I notice I go astray in my mind, I need to bring myself back to what I am doing in this moment. And then it is important that I listen to my heart and open myself open to the creativity of the moment. I must practice seeing the possibilities, the potential that is here and that my heart is showing to me – that are ripe and that I only but need to step into.

Thus each time I have a thought of a future projection, I will change that future projection into a present projection, by looking at what I can create do HERE in this moment, to express myself in a way that will support myself/others. I will look at how I can transform that drive to create in the future, to how I can create/express HERE in this moment. And I will push myself to walk through laziness/resistance towards creating HERE – as I see that this is also a tactic used by the mind to keep my preoccupied with what I should/could be doing – instead of what I am doing here.


Day 452: The Truth In Desires

I have been working a lot with grounding myself and observing what kind of thoughts that tend to bring away my awareness into dreams. And a recurring thought that have led me astray countless of times has the theme of buying something – and usually this thought is accompanied with a feeling such as desire or want. I have looked into this thought process and realized that it is never about buying something – and that the thought actually represent a part of myself that I am not living HERE in the physical but that I would like to live.

For example, I have had a desire come up to buy a cargo bike – which is one of those bikes that has a box mounted on its front. Looking at this desire I saw that it was connected to several smaller dreams/wants/imaginations and all with a similar theme. They were about me going out into and enjoying nature and enjoying the relationship with my daughter in nature. That was my real desire.

And looking at my life I realized that I have not been enjoying and exploring nature as much as I would have liked, and I have not been pushing myself to be fully immersed in the experience when I am doing it. And I have not been pushing myself to share my love for nature with my daughter. Hence – these are the two points that I want to manifest in my reality – and they have nothing to do with a cargo bike.

This is how the mind works, it will show us our deeper issues/dissatisfactions – however it will be encrypted into the language of the mind. And in this case the mind interpreted my real desires into the desire to buy a cargo bike in the belief that owning a cargo bike would then bring me closer to nature.

It is however important to remember that in the real world, creating and developing interests and relationships are not as easy and joyous as the notion of buying something. It takes effort and will to get out into nature, and to be present in nature, and similar is true in terms of sharing this with my daughter. It is an active movement where satisfaction is created by me which stands in contrast to buying something, where a sense of fulfillment is received as a short energy burst, when the particular desired product is bought.

Thus I will continue to decode my minds urges to buy things, because every time it shows me something about myself that I have not considered. And I am not saying that we should never buy things. What I am saying is that many times our urge to buy is not motivated by a true sense of need. When we do need something, or when we see that owning something will support us to expand ourselves, then of course, we should buy that thing.


Day 450: The Death of the Consumer Culture

I have lately been moving myself away from the constant news coverage around the Corona virus and instead I have been focusing on practical work. Today I repaired my washing machine and my shoe shelf – and I planted seeds for the coming vegetable season. Practical work is extremely supportive when it comes to grounding the mind. When you work with the earth, you cannot move faster than what your body is moving. You have to do one thing at a time and you have to be HERE while doing it. And even though there is such a mess in the world right now, nature, earth, and the environment is still here, it is still supporting, still providing oxygen. And how easy is it not to take that for granted? Yet without natures support, we would not be here at all.

Tending to the environment, to things, to plants, it replenishes me and makes me proud. And that care for my environment is something that carries on to my relationship with myself. I wonder how much of the things we have created throughout time, the machines, the tools, clothes, that we could still use if we would have cared for them properly. However, the current way of using things is to wear them out and throw them away. And many times that makes more sense money wise because it takes more money to repair and tend to old things than to buy new things. And the economy is built around consumption – literally consuming things – instead of using them with care and respect.

The economy has not always been based on consumption. It is a pretty new behavior that was programmed into human beings after the Second World War. Before the age of consumption we bought less, the things were of better quality, and we tended to repair them and use them until they had been used up. Compared to today, we use things for a while, until there is a new model, and then we buy that, not because we really need the new things, but because want to own a new thing, because we have allowed ourselves to be manipulated by marketing and PR that promotes the idea that we need to consume, buy, own more, to be satisfied.

And reflecting this state of useless consumption is the level of personal debt, that has sky rocketed. Today personal debt is common place and accepted as normal. However, should we really be indebted? We have pushed the industrial revolution so far, we can manufacture products with only small portion of human involvement and on gigantic levels, yet still most of us are indebted. And maybe this is because we have created a debt to earth – we have consumed too much without care and respect for the resources that went into creating that particular thing. It reflects our reckless use of what has been given to us freely.

Thus, with the Corona virus, demand has been plummeting. That is not a bad thing. Most of our demand is manufactured and does not spring from a real need. Thus – let us embrace this new economy where demand equals what is needed and not what is created through manipulation of the human mind to desire all kinds of unnecessary shit.


Day 449: Dreaming of Tomorrow and Losing Today

Today I cleaned and sorted out old stuff and decided what to throw away and what to keep, how to organize it, etc. I found a book called ‘Pregnancy’ that I got when my daughter was still in the womb. I did not read it. In-fact, I did not read up that much at all about children, pregnancy, what the human body goes through, and how to prepare myself for the birth. When I held the book I realized that I had missed a lot by not allowing myself to fully immerse myself in the process of having a child – and I asked myself – why?

I realized that I had not immersed myself because I had been to busy with other things, primarily work. And this is a pattern I have seen repeating for myself. It is only after the opportunity is gone that I see I missed it because I stressed and hurried myself through the experience. It happened to my studies as well – when I went to the university – I did not take the time to really explore the student life because I stressed and hurried through my days. It happened when I built my house. I did not enjoy and neither did I fully commit to the process because, I was stressed and concerned about other things than building the house. My weakness is that I become too focused on the future, or too focused on some part and aspect of my reality that is not present here, that I miss out on everything else – that I miss out on life.

For example, one of these points that are here now, an opportunity, is my relationship to my daughter. That is here, it is ripe and it is ready for to explore, however, I have been allowing myself to be distracted by work, by future, by ‘projects’ that I perceive to be very important. If I do not want to look back in five years and regret myself and think, why did I not spend my time where I should have, I need to refocus and place my attention on that which matters. And the interesting thing about what is real and worthy of my attention is that it is always right here – it is not something that I have to reach and attain – it is already here. And it becomes obvious when I take a breather and look at what is in my reality – then I can see – aha – that is my point right now – that is where I am able to express myself.

It is like life is already here, it is just that I do not see it – and I spend my time in my mind thinking about where I should go next instead seeing that it is not really important – because the next step is infront of the last one. Taking the next step is natural and it happens by itself when I am here, present, and I see the opportunities in my life. When I am already thinking about the next step, trying to foresee my third and fourth step, that is when I miss my balance, and I miss reality around me – and that is NOT what I want to do. It is literally one of the worst experiences, to look back and see that I have missed things because I was not present.

Somehow experiencing loss is a good way to open up and see where I have taken things for granted. Losing a loved one, being forced to give up a way of life, or being close to dying, that tends to put everything in a fresh perspective – and voila – NOW we know what is important in life.

What will I change?

I will push myself to live in the present and not get caught up in my mind-storm. I will focus on the creations processes that are here in my life, that develop and that come up naturally. I will put my attention and focus on creation and movement in the physical, real creation and movement, and not envisioning movement in the future – because that is not real. And thus – every day – and every breath will be my vision.


Day 447: Our System Lacks Resilience

All the while the world is going through some hard times, people panic, and the news are filled with information about the Corona virus, nature still moves on. I live out on the country side, and it is so fascinating to see the contrast between the information I get on my computer compared to the serene stability of the environment just outside my windows. Nature is simply HERE – as it has always been – and it will not change, panic, lose stability when there are unbalances – it moves, slowly and deliberately to correct itself. And that is significant about nature. It never hurries, yet everything is accomplished.

Compared to nature, we humans have built a system based on strained relationships, tense, rushed timetables, abstract numbers, complicated and theoretical lines of ownership, all mixed with our emotional conditioning where we are constantly in some form state of survival. It is no wonder that our entire community goes down when a small virus yet efficient virus is introduced, because we have no resilience or sustainability in our system. In the country were I live about 30 000 businesses are about to go bankrupt because they have lost revenues for one month. That is pretty significant as it tells you a lot about the state of our economy. Even though I am in a rich country – we still live hand to mouth – from paycheck to paycheck – and there is little to not savings to fall back on when suddenly things does not work as they used to work.

In past times, they had a better understanding that the world was not predictable and that you needed to save and store up to be able to face the dire times. That is especially significant on the country side where I live, where past generations used to literally save everything, which then created problems for the younger generations, as more and more space had to be assigned for storage.

We could have a resilient and sustainable system – we could have a safe world for everyone – it is a decision that we can make. It will require for us to give to one another as we would like to receive – and that seems to be the big hurdle at the moment. We are still too focused on our own individual survival that we are not able to see that everyone else are stuck in the same kind of rush. If we would work and cooperate – we could relieve one another and build security for everyone. When one is strong, someone else might be weak, and when that someone is weak, someone else is strong – and thus we complement and support each other through rough times.

I have learned a lot from this Corona virus crisis. It has been like a mask has been ripped of the face the world to show what is really underneath and how dire the situation is for many of us. Not only are bodies in a dire state, but businesses and peoples private economy. And our current system cannot be saved. It is doomed to fail. And if we refuse to let it go – we will have to pay the consequences.


Day 445: Stand Still and Time for Reflection

Lately part of my life has been circling around the Corona virus and in particular the effects it has had on society and on myself on a personal level. For me this virus shows us people just how vulnerable and connected with the rest of the world we are. We cannot pretend that we are all powerful creatures and that we can do whatever we want believing there will not be any consequences. It is clear that earth is changing, nature is changing, there are now clear effects that flows from our actions and inactions.

The virus pandemic is in part caused due to our destructive behavior towards nature, where we constantly grab more land to be inserted into our economy, leaving none for the wild animals and plants that are needed in this world to keep stability and equilibrium. It is specific that the virus jumped from a wild animal to a human. It was a way for the virus to survive when its own natural habitat became threatened. And now, it has all the habitat it needs, as it has free access and roam to the entire human population.

We really need to stop this notion that things just happen, that virus infections just starts to spread. Everything is specific and this virus tells us that we need to have a look at ourselves. As human beings we have a role as custodians to fulfill on this earth, we could step into the responsibility and commitment to take care of earth and the animal kingdom, yet, we simply have not been able to consider anything else but our own survival and expansion. Thus, that is what we will experience, that will be our consequence. Now we get to experience how it is when a virus, set on its own survival, will duplicate and spread itself, and kill, in order to remain alive. How does that feel? That is what nature and the animal kingdom has to go through every day because of our desire to expand and have more, and more.

Our system has stopped for a moment, markets have crashed, and people look at it as an enormous tragedy. However, is it really that? Have we actually lost something of value? This entire system is not good for anybody. It does not serve life, it does not serve what is best, and there has never been any real passion and drive to create a better world for everyone. Thus, as I see it, we have lost nothing of value. In-fact, this virus has inspired people to become self-sacrificing and benevolent. Politicians are rushing to take economic actions that will save the ecosystem of their countries. People are trying their best to support one another to make it through the crisis and nature is replenishing herself because the meat grind of capitalism has finally halted. Those are good things. Finally some changes are being forced unto humanity.

If we want a stable world for our children, we need to change ourselves, and we need to change our system. Pandemics like the Corona virus will continue to spread and become increasingly hostile unless we do something. The solution is that we take responsibility and step into our creative potential – and decide to make this world BEST FOR ALL instead of just a pleasurable place for a few lucky individuals that happen to have all the money. We need equal money for all, we need a basic income, we need economic changes that put an end to this holocaust, where people and nature becomes the prey of greed.