Tag Archives: destonian

Day 391: Create Purpose In Everything

I have spent much time looking for a purpose – THE purpose – THE direction – THE way forward. In everything from work, to leisure time, partner to involvement in organizations – I have wanted to find THE right way forward – that which I was meant to do. I have believed that this purpose of mine was already designed – ready for me to step into – my only task was to find it. It is in design similar to religion and faith.

Because I was looking for THE purpose – I was always in a state of doubt. Many opportunities came my way – and I grasped some of them – however – always with a nagging emotion of doubt deep inside of myself. I thought to myself: ‘What if this not the right way? What if this is wrong? What if I should be doing something different?’. And that is the problem with relying on someone or something else to create a purpose for me. How do I know that it is the right one? I might step into the wrong one – and what will I do then?

This is why I have decided to let go of this limited definition of purpose. And it is suitable that recently in the Desteni group a new definition of purpose has opened up – ‘Mini-Purposes’. The meaning of ‘Mini-Purposes’ is that everything in our lives can potentially be directed into something supportive that allows us to expand and grow – and to help others do the same.

Let us take a normal weekday. We get up, go to work to make money and long to get home the entire day. Then we go home, cook food, and long to be able to sit in the couch and look at TV for a moment before we go to bed. Then we sleep, wake up and restart the process. Our entire day has passed without us engaging at all. We just moved through it all without effort or direction – doing what we always do – thinking what we always think – longing to be somewhere else. And what is funny is that – part of our day – we might have spent looking at and imagining what our purpose might be.

Now compare this to living a weekday in the following way. We get up, and use those moments of waking up to check in with our body, take some deep comforting and relaxing breaths – and we make breakfast as a moment of enjoyment and pleasure. Then we go to work – where we push to develop an aspect of ourselves – for example – learning from colleagues – looking at what are their strengths and how we are able to emulate such expressions to empower ourselves. Then we go home – and push ourselves to be present and develop a connection with our family members. And then we go to bed – and before we fall asleep – check what we can change/strengthen till our next day.

The latter way of living is purposeful – it is living a weekday with passion, fire and effort – striving to make that which might seem ordinary – to our story of movement and expansion – where we learn and inspire others to become the best that they can be. There is so much potential to be harnessed – and part of what makes it difficult to grasp this fact is that we believe that purpose must be something grandiose and big – out there! No – that is not true – there is purpose in everything – however we must design it – we must create it – we must give ourselves purpose within our lives.

The difference between living a fulfilled life and a unfulfilled one is that in the former – we decide to FILL our lives with DIRECTION and PURPOSE. Nothing is there only by coincidence – nothing is there only as a chore and trite requirement of survival – it is what we make of it.

This also brings up the point that creating ideas of a purpose out there can be very limiting in terms of actually beginning the process of living purpose. Looking at myself – many of my purposes have been conditioned by location, time, by a variety of external factors being fulfilled. For example – at one time I wanted to become a movie director – and all of my energy and effort was directed into this dream. However – during this process of becoming and reaching my purpose – I neglected the life that was around my – I became monotone and lost track of my Mini-Purposes – my opportunities to create Mini-Impacts and Mini-Ripples – and to live a fulfilling life here instead of waiting for life to happen.

Dreams of the future can be useful in terms of creating a direction – however – they can never substitute real fulfillment – because that will only always be developed, expressed and experienced HERE. The challenge is thus to develop our Mini-Purposes and LIVE them in reality. To make everything matter – and stop waiting.


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Day 390: The Natural Rhythm of Breath

I have listened to a couple of Eqafe interviews cover the topic of temperature this week:

Temperature: The Origins of Temperature – Earth, Nature, and Weather
Temperature: Purification Through Heat and Cold – Earth, Nature, and Weather
Temperature: Quantum Breathing and the Rhythm of Life – Earth, Nature, and Weather

They were insightful and fascinating and I can recommend them. There was especially one part that covered rhythm and breath that I found interesting. When I first started process I was shown the four count breath. You breath in counting to four, hold, breath out counting to four, and hold – and then you restart. It was a effective method to become aware of my breathing. As I developed my relationship to my body and breath I realized that the four count breath did not fit for me – as it was not aligned with my natural rhythm of breathing – and hence I decided to practice awareness of breath without counting – and that is where I am today.

What was shared in the interview confirmed to me that there is such a thing as a rhythm of breath and that we all have our individual and specific rhythm. The four count breath assists with realizing the importance of breath – though the real rhythm of breathing is something that can only be found by ourselves.

I was also reminded of how important it is the develop my relationship with the physical. It is easy to become enveloped and the constant chatter that is provided by the mind – and then forget the awesome opportunities that are here in every moment to develop and create a bond with the physical body. Each breath is an opportunity to refine and push my presence in the physical – and a opportunity to instead of being part of the irrelevant chatter of the mind – be here and get to know what is real.

Developing presence in the physical is challenging. At some points it feels as the mind struggles and fights – and all of these seemingly important things to look at and think about pops up. That is when I utilize the tools of self-forgiveness and writing. Sometimes that is the only way to bring myself back to stability – all of the things within me has to get out – has to be directed. To only focus on breath and deny the issues that repeatedly comes through within is not progression but suppression. That is why meditation and silencing the mind alone will not be enough – we have to locate our weaknesses and change them – and the mind is very effective at locating our weak spots.

If there is a point where the mind is able to penetrate – it will push and eventually get through. Taking myself as an example – I have a couple of points – fear of money being one – that I have consequently fallen on. Hence – from the perspective I am grateful that the mind is with me – because if I am not clear on a point within me – I will fall into the chatter, the emotions and feelings – and I will believe it is real.

There are spiritual directions that advocates only looking at the thoughts, however letting them go, or, focusing on breath and not at all allowing oneself to be distracted by thoughts. Both of these paths are ineffective – because the thoughts and the mind is not the enemy – it is the collected library of me and it will reveal what I need to work with. Each and every thought reveals a point that requires to be directed. Hence – when a point comes up – I recognize it – and if there is time – I take a look at its origins and speak a self-forgiveness statement within. If there is not time – I look at it later. A supportive practice I have found is to look at and work with what comes up within me either when I lay to sleep at night – or when I have just woken up in the morning.

The interviews I mentioned in the beginning supported me to open up and look at my relationship to breath and they reminded me of how important it is to develop a stable presence of breath.


Day 389: The Power of Unity

I have recently become fascinated with the amount of groups/purposes/directions/movements that exists in this world. There are millions upon millions, and the internet exacerbates as well as makes this point visible. So many seem to have something important to say – a message, guide, idea, belief, method – it goes on and on and on. Only on Youtube you will encounter a vast array of various channels – each trying to lure you in and convince you that their way is the right way – wanting you to listen to and follow their specific niche.

It is pretty ridiculous that we have become so separated and split into various groups/interests/niches – however it shows us an old problem. Our tendency to make our own personal life, thoughts, plans, ideas, feelings and emotions – the PRIORITY – and missing that there are others in life as well – or rather – a whole existence to take into account. Hence – even if we want to make it out to be as if our world is all about ourselves – that is not the case.

It seems to me that one of the reasons why there are such a vast array of groups and directions is because we personally want to feel as if we have created something new. Many of us desire to become famous, important and feel as if we have left a mark in this world. We want to have our own personal message and invention – and we want that to be acknowledged. What is unfortunate is that this desire creates separation. This issue is easy to see with for example altruistic groups and non-profit organizations. If you do some investigation – you will find that there are many, many, many such organizations. On their own they have little to no impact. They each work with their small niche, attracting a small following, and consequently are not able to push through changes effectively in the world system. I wonder what would happen if all of these organizations would select a common goal and work towards it simultaneously? I foresee that if that was to happen – the selected issue in the world system would receive a lot more attention – and the organizations with their combined financial assets would be able to make a significant impact.

Thus – we have not yet come to understand the power of unity and acting together. This is also clear for us people, when we act in our individual capacity. I am at the moment involved in a project where the government has given grants to restore a lake close to where I live. The project has been granted about 200 000 € and is receiving much attention from villagers in the vicinity to the lake. What has come through on the meetings that has been held is that many villagers are angry with the municipality. They feel that too little tax money are spent in their area of the commune – and that there are not enough commitment from ruling politicians. What I see is that this blame reveals that the villagers have not themselves done what they are able to for their local environment. Consider the fact that if 200 villagers joined together and each donated 1 000 €, which is bearable expense for most households, they would have enough finances to handle the project themselves without the help of the government. Unfortunately – we have not yet realized the power that we have in numbers, unity and a combined direction. When we do – many of the problems we currently have on earth will surely be able to be solved within a lifetime.

Equality and oneness – a principled direction – does not mean that we all have to do the same thing. Instead it involves bringing through the same expansive consideration for the whole in all that we take a part in. We can be active and participate in a small niche area and still include everyone else – and actively work on how our small niche area can interact/relate/cooperate with the rest of the world to contribute and bring through a supportive outcome for all.

It is about WHO WE ARE within what we do. An interest/group/direction can be used as a way to further our own desires and separate ourselves from everyone else or it can be used as a way to complement and support the whole. Every society is complex and requires specialists in a variety of subjects to function effectively – that does not mean that we cannot share the same principle – that we want what is best for ALL – and that we strive to reach there by using common sense. If all of us would unite in such a principle – this world would look very different.


Day 388: Lack of Time – Hell or Gift?

This week has been pretty hectic. A lot to do at work and many things to tend to at home. Time for my own projects and interests is a rarity and action is required when there is an opportunity – else – there is simply not enough time. In a way – it is supportive – time scarcity helps me to act – live – move – and not use my time unnecessarily – for example by indulging in entertainment. It also assists and supports me to push my self-agreement – because now I must find my primary source pleasure and enjoyment in things/activities such as work/responsibilities/chores etc, aka things that I would rather not be doing.

It is challenging, but it can be made enjoyable to live with pressure with regards to time. What makes the difference is how I approach it. The same goes for most type of problems. It can either be an issue – or it can be a gift – it all depends on what I decide to do – how I decide to be in relation to the challenge that is ahead of me. A responsibility can either be a tedious must-do – or an opportunity for me to expand and learn a new skill.

One example that is relevant for me at the moment is housekeeping work. It is very important that this responsibility is tended to. Housekeeping keeps the members of the family fed, clothed, healthy – supplied with a clean and organized environment. Without the basic needs of food, clothing, a hygienic environment – it becomes impossible to live a fulfilling life. Even so – housekeeping tends to be given a backseat. We look at it as a unfortunate necessity – something that we have to do – but that we rather would not like to be doing. It is strange – considering the importance of it. We do not attach the value to housekeeping that it deserves – I usually see cleaning and tending to my house as a nuisance – and a blockage I have to get around in order to move towards the things I really would like to get involved within.

For me – this value dissonance is something that I have created through connecting feelings and emotions to the activity instead of seeing the activity for what it is – and seeing the outflow of and opportunities/gifts existent within the activity. The value of the activity is measured by looking at its outflow – what type of support is created and how many lives are touched. It is impractical to use emotions and feelings to evaluate whether something is important or not – whether something should be done or not. Emotions and feelings are energy – and lacks a clear relationship to this physical reality – they just appear – either positive or negative – and for different reasons – many of us, me being one of them, associate cleaning/housekeeping to a negative emotion.

My problem with housekeeping has to do with my childhood and the relationship my parents had to chores and responsibilities – that I imprinted. My parents associated cleaning with stress, boredom, irritation and forcefulness – when it was time to clean – my mother used to become hard and authoritative – and I used to be ordered harshly to participate in some way. I never experienced housekeeping as fun or valuable – it was instead pictured as a necessary evil – a thing that we had to do – but that we did not really want to do. I also came to associate cleaning with conflicts, anger and irritation. This was because my mother would become irritated at my father because he did not clean as much as she did. It was a mess.

Instead of seeing cleaning as a unwelcome burden it can be experienced/seen as an opportunity to be grateful for and connect with all the various things in my home that supports me in my life. It can also be seen as an opportunity to practice self-movement – physical awareness of my body – where I train myself to move with full awareness of all the details of my physical body. It is also an opportunity to practice specificity and precision. How exact am I able to become in how I structure, define, nurture and care for my environment? How exact am I able to become in my relationship with the things that I own? Do all of the things I own have a clear and specific purpose in my life and do I care for them effectively?

What I have found in my process thus far is that the most support is many times found in that which I resist. Housekeeping is one of those points. It can easily be glanced over. However when I look at the opportunities and gifts that can be lived in this simple and rudimentary task – I see that I have not pursued cleaning/housekeeping the way I could have. There is still a lot to be explored and developed in this area of my life. And that is great – because given my current time constraints – I need to be able to develop enjoyment/expansion in ALL parts of my life – and not only the parts that I naturally enjoy.



Day 387: Creating My Own Value

I have been researching a couple of interesting points lately that has to do with self-value, self-authority and self-leadership. This investigation started because of a series of fear as well as desire reactions that came up in my work. The fears has been centered around some form of failure that would lead to the consequence of not anymore being able to work in the field I have chosen. The desire reactions has been centered on completing some form of formal education that would allow me to add another merit to the list.

I started by applying self-forgiveness on the fears – which opened up the underlying reasons. One of these reasons was the belief/idea that I am not naturally valuable/successful and thus fear is something that I must use to push/will myself forward else I will make a mistake and slip back into my normal mode of being. Another reason was that belief that I need to prove myself to others, especially my parents, and receive compliments, excel their expectations, else I will not have any value. These reasons also showed me why formal education triggers a positive response within me. Formal education is the perfect way to show to others that I am good at something and that I have a particular set of qualifications. It is set up like a scene, where I have to behave in a certain way, to receive approval and if I move outside of the boundaries of the script – I will receive disapproval. Thus the concept of formal education is limited – because it moves me into a direction that has been scripted by someone else – and it is not a development/evolution that is allowed to flow naturally according to where I need to/want to develop/learn/expand.

The similar is true about wanting to achieve success/value in the eyes of others, by for example, career. In order to achieve that success/value I have to follow a scripted path – my own idea/understanding of what I am required to do and where I am required to go in order to increase my success/value in the eyes of others. It might be that I have to acquire a certain type of job or specialization. It might be that I have to work in a particular city or with certain people. The principle is that I must find out or create some belief within me as to what I perceive others look at as success/value and then move myself to achieve that idea. It also also limiting – and I have to follow a scripted path. A path that is not scripted/directed/created by myself and that does not take into consideration what I would like to do – or what I see would support me to expand and grow as an individual – or what I see would allow me to give/share/support others the best way. Rather – the aim and drive is about achieving an idea and picture that I can show up to others to feel successful/valuable.

The issue can be found in how I have defined success/value. At the moment – these words are separate from me. I achieve them by being praised by others. I have no personal connection to these words – and thus – instead of looking at my life through with my own self-designed values – I look at them with values I have copied from others.

The solution is to redefine the words success and value – to make these words intimate and personal.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define success and value separate from myself as something that I need/require to have from someone else – and think that I am not allowed to define my own success/value – that I am not allowed to tell myself when I have success/value – and make my own decisions in life as to what is success and value

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to strive to have others to define me as successful/valuable – and think that I am not good enough to live success/value – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope and desire to achieve success/value – to hope that someone will notice me and give me these experiences – instead of me deciding upon – and living these words for myself – deciding upon what success and value is to me – and then creating these words in my life

Self-commitment statements

I commit myself to redefine and specify success and value to myself – to decide what these words means to me and then live them in my life

I commit myself to create success and value in my life instead of waiting to have someone recognize me as successful and valuable

 


Day 386: Some Points On Structure

A cross-reference that I use to see when I am opening up new words/expressions is urges to buy things. When such desires arise within me, nearly each time, it is because I am living/creating a new word/expression within me, and because I have not myself recognized and taken charge over the process – the mind steps in and channels the expression that is opening up into the mind – which translates into wanting to buy things.

This time a desire has come up to buy camping equipment, such as rain-clothes, backpack and walking shoes. Initially I was confused as to why I suddenly desired these things. However, slowly, I realized that these things represented preparation, scheduling and structure to me. Because when you go for a camping trip in nature – you have to be prepared – all things must be considered and packed – when you are out in the woods it is too late. Thus you have to make sure that you think about everything beforehand.

I have worked a lot with these words, preparation, scheduling and structure – and with taking care of my daughter and learning to practice law – they have become more significant. For example with my daughter. If we are to go for a trip somewhere – I have to make sure to bring all the things that I need to change diapers, to prepare a quick meal and supply shelter if it becomes to cold. I also have to make sure that I initiate/start at the right time, at the scheduled time, because otherwise it will interfere with my daughters sleeping routines and mess things up. It is pretty intricate, and it surely helps me in my process of learning to apply/live these words in my day to day living.

When I was younger I looked at preparation, scheduling and structure as words that limits and contains me. I understood freedom to be the opposite and I thought that in order to be free, I had to be completely flexible, completely open to anything that might happen, ready to change myself and my mind at any moment. This also suited my, at that time, absent minded personality. It was not difficult at all to only have to consider my needs for the moment. It took no effort and it felt good. Obviously, from what I understand now, freedom is not the absence of structure – and that in order to live in this world effectively – I have to take notice of what is in my reality and prepare/plan/structure my living – otherwise I will walk into unnecessary consequences.

Thus, instead of buying these things that represent my expansion when it comes to structure/planning/preparation/scheduling – I am going to define these words for myself more specifically. Firstly – what I am able to see is that expressing myself as these words requires time – I need to slow down and carefully look at the situation at is ahead of me. I need to study and ponder the various choices I have. Secondly, I see that even though it is not necessary, it is supportive for me to write down my structure/plan/preparation/schedule. If I keep it in my mind, it becomes easily lost or distorted. When I put it in writing – I can remember the details and also discover flaws/issues in my planning.

I also see that structure/planning/preparation/scheduling is a form of meta-application. It cannot be bound to any one form of expression – rather these are supportive or necessary skills to have in almost any type of venture. Furthermore – I enjoy the process of planning/preparing. One example is using an hour or two each week to sit down and prepare for what to eat during the week ahead. In order to do it effectively I have to check what kind of food is available, the duration of each recipe, whether my daughter or wife will be able to eat the food, what kind of tools/utensils that I might need – it is challenging. And the reward comes through later – while doing the actual work – because with a plan/structure – everything becomes so much easier.

I will continue to push structure/planning/preparation/scheduling in my life and see how I can expand my expression/standing with regards to these words.


Day 385: How I Make Decisions

Due to computer issues I have been away from active writing for a while. My computer is now fully functional yet again and hence my writing will resume.

In my life there has opened up a career opportunity. Looking at it objectively, it is a very good opportunity. It is a choice of career that is lucrative and does not demand too much in time and effort. The point that I have been unsure about, and that I have spent time looking at, is whether the opportunity suits me or not.

When I look at making decisions and future prospects, my aim is to firstly, remove all the feeling and emotional connotations to the point. In this instance, the opportunity triggered a sense of importance and feeling special, and also desire to have money. What also became triggered was a fear of missing out, and a fear of not moving into the direction that I initially foresaw/imagined. These experiences are not relevant, and would I keep them as dimensions to consider in the decision making process, the result will not be trustworthy. Emotions and feelings are ephemeral and mercurial. Basing decisions on such loosely defined energies will result in unwanted outcomes. This is because at some point, the feelings might suddenly disappear or shift into a different direction, and then the decision made has no validity.

The second step is to list/define all the pros and cons in relation to the decision. This is a fascinating process, because sitting down and deeply considering a decision, and its implications, will open up a range of new dimensions. The decision can have outflows and impact indirectly in other parts of my life and in ways that I did not see until I defined the pros and cons  and placed them on a paper in-front of me. It also helps slowing down and creating an overview.

Something else that can be seen is that some pros will feel more important within, and then when placed without on a piece of paper, they will seem insignificant. This is because certain pros and cons will be charged with either feelings or emotions – and those charged aspects will appear to be more important when looked at in the mind. However in physical reality, a different point, that is not charged with an energy, can be the most important. An example would be the following. A fear that is coming up within me, and a point that I have defined as a con, is that I will not pursue the type of law that I initially foresaw/envisioned myself doing. I will instead learn/apply a more bureaucratic and unpopular kind of law. This also triggers the fear that I will be unhappy in my chosen career. This point felt big and important. However when I looked at my pros and cons list – it was practically speaking not that big of a deal. What stood out to me was instead that the career decision offered me a possibility to work flexible hours and from various locations. I would not be bogged down in one office space. And I realized that for the future I want to create for myself, this is very important to me.

When the pros and cons have been listed – the next step is to weigh the pros and cons to reach a final conclusion. The result of measuring the pros and cons against each other is dependent on what principle/value system you use to determine the importance of each point. I use the principle of what is best for all. This means that the decision is not only about me. I must take into account how my decision will impact others. And with regards to some decisions, it will impact a few people negatively, while it will impact myself and a few others positively. At times it is not obvious which decision is the best. In such instances it can be of support to ask someone else for perspective or do a test-run. For example, if the decision is about moving, to then see whether it is possible to move for a short time only to experience the difference.

With regards to decision I am faced with, my family is an important dimension to look at. How does my decision and direction effect my daughter or my wife? Because even though a particular venue and career path can be my passion and hearts desire, it is not necessarily the path that will lead to the greatest and best outflows for everyone involved. Thus, I do not agree with the current popular idea that we should at all times ‘follow our hearts and dreams’ – reality and the outflows of our decision must be considered and take primacy. And even though we ourselves might feel good about the outflows of a decision – the potential physical and mental consequences we could or will inflict on others will most certainly outweigh that positive state we ourselves could reach.

When I have walked through the above mentioned steps, I am ready to make a decision. I pick the option that I see is best for all. And then comes the challenge of sticking to and living by the decision, however that topic deserves a blog post of its own.