Tag Archives: direction

Day 423: Changing our Patterns, Changing our Future

Some days ago I was hanging out with my daughter, she is close to two and a half years old at the moment. I could see the kind of person she is developing into – and it made me proud. I really enjoy seeing her expand – and I realized one thing: that this growth is not an accident – it is the result of my partner and I spending time and sharing the best of ourselves with her. Two and a half years might sound like a short time, though for a child, there is an amazing development. From being a piece of flesh, my daughter can now speak, do basic reasoning, create and maintain relationships, and share her likes and dislikes. In that moment I could see the result of our efforts – and it yet again brought forth the understanding within me that change/movement/creation comes through in the small moments accumulated over time.

It is easy to forget the power of accumulation and instead start to believe/think that there is more power in taking great strides. Small actions, when executed, feels easier, less impactful, and without as much meaning as putting in long hours of work into something. However, when that small action is done over and over again, consistently, over a period of time, it will start to have great and lasting impact. That is the secret of creating anything in this world – consistent – persistent – principled action. And this phenomenon is always part of reality. Each morning everything begins anew. Each day we have an opportunity to reinforce some form of pattern – and it is the quality of these patterns that will determine the result, the quality of our life. If we have a lousy quality on our patterns – then the result will be lousy. If our patterns are effective – we will have great results.

Walking the process of self-forgiveness is to learn to redesign our patterns into supportive and expansive structures that help us move forward. An easy example of how this works is the following. Let us say you have a pattern of going into fear of survival when you buy things, causing you to compromise yourself in terms of the goods and services you purchase. A redesign of such a pattern would be that you create a pattern of trusting yourself with money to buy what you require to be the best you can be. Such a pattern in relation to money will make you self-empowered with money.

All our life consists of these patterns – and they come through in child rearing. What most parents tend to do is to share/live patterns that are ineffective. An example of such a pattern is becoming angry when the child displays some form of destructive behavior instead of explaining what was wrong with the behavior, why it was wrong, and supporting the child to create a more effective way of relating to the world. And because we have dysfunctional patterns, our children gets a dysfunctional education, and they start breaking down in various ways. And this can all be avoided – when we walk our process – and change our dysfunctional patterns into patterns that supports equality, life and what is best for all.

My partner and I have walked this process of self-forgiveness – we still have a long way to go – however already – I can see the effects of our own personal changes in our daughter – and it is awesome. I wish I could have grown up the way my daughter grows up. She has two parents that want the best for her – and that have understood how unwanted patterns are created and how they can be directed. Everyone should know about this – especially those of us that are or that aspire to become parents.

We are all programmable and we live in a programmable world. This is the key to self-creation and supporting a child to create themselves. Everything can be directed with consistent and persistent action.


Advertisements

Day 391: Create Purpose In Everything

I have spent much time looking for a purpose – THE purpose – THE direction – THE way forward. In everything from work, to leisure time, partner to involvement in organizations – I have wanted to find THE right way forward – that which I was meant to do. I have believed that this purpose of mine was already designed – ready for me to step into – my only task was to find it. It is in design similar to religion and faith.

Because I was looking for THE purpose – I was always in a state of doubt. Many opportunities came my way – and I grasped some of them – however – always with a nagging emotion of doubt deep inside of myself. I thought to myself: ‘What if this not the right way? What if this is wrong? What if I should be doing something different?’. And that is the problem with relying on someone or something else to create a purpose for me. How do I know that it is the right one? I might step into the wrong one – and what will I do then?

This is why I have decided to let go of this limited definition of purpose. And it is suitable that recently in the Desteni group a new definition of purpose has opened up – ‘Mini-Purposes’. The meaning of ‘Mini-Purposes’ is that everything in our lives can potentially be directed into something supportive that allows us to expand and grow – and to help others do the same.

Let us take a normal weekday. We get up, go to work to make money and long to get home the entire day. Then we go home, cook food, and long to be able to sit in the couch and look at TV for a moment before we go to bed. Then we sleep, wake up and restart the process. Our entire day has passed without us engaging at all. We just moved through it all without effort or direction – doing what we always do – thinking what we always think – longing to be somewhere else. And what is funny is that – part of our day – we might have spent looking at and imagining what our purpose might be.

Now compare this to living a weekday in the following way. We get up, and use those moments of waking up to check in with our body, take some deep comforting and relaxing breaths – and we make breakfast as a moment of enjoyment and pleasure. Then we go to work – where we push to develop an aspect of ourselves – for example – learning from colleagues – looking at what are their strengths and how we are able to emulate such expressions to empower ourselves. Then we go home – and push ourselves to be present and develop a connection with our family members. And then we go to bed – and before we fall asleep – check what we can change/strengthen till our next day.

The latter way of living is purposeful – it is living a weekday with passion, fire and effort – striving to make that which might seem ordinary – to our story of movement and expansion – where we learn and inspire others to become the best that they can be. There is so much potential to be harnessed – and part of what makes it difficult to grasp this fact is that we believe that purpose must be something grandiose and big – out there! No – that is not true – there is purpose in everything – however we must design it – we must create it – we must give ourselves purpose within our lives.

The difference between living a fulfilled life and a unfulfilled one is that in the former – we decide to FILL our lives with DIRECTION and PURPOSE. Nothing is there only by coincidence – nothing is there only as a chore and trite requirement of survival – it is what we make of it.

This also brings up the point that creating ideas of a purpose out there can be very limiting in terms of actually beginning the process of living purpose. Looking at myself – many of my purposes have been conditioned by location, time, by a variety of external factors being fulfilled. For example – at one time I wanted to become a movie director – and all of my energy and effort was directed into this dream. However – during this process of becoming and reaching my purpose – I neglected the life that was around my – I became monotone and lost track of my Mini-Purposes – my opportunities to create Mini-Impacts and Mini-Ripples – and to live a fulfilling life here instead of waiting for life to happen.

Dreams of the future can be useful in terms of creating a direction – however – they can never substitute real fulfillment – because that will only always be developed, expressed and experienced HERE. The challenge is thus to develop our Mini-Purposes and LIVE them in reality. To make everything matter – and stop waiting.


Day 389: The Power of Unity

I have recently become fascinated with the amount of groups/purposes/directions/movements that exists in this world. There are millions upon millions, and the internet exacerbates as well as makes this point visible. So many seem to have something important to say – a message, guide, idea, belief, method – it goes on and on and on. Only on Youtube you will encounter a vast array of various channels – each trying to lure you in and convince you that their way is the right way – wanting you to listen to and follow their specific niche.

It is pretty ridiculous that we have become so separated and split into various groups/interests/niches – however it shows us an old problem. Our tendency to make our own personal life, thoughts, plans, ideas, feelings and emotions – the PRIORITY – and missing that there are others in life as well – or rather – a whole existence to take into account. Hence – even if we want to make it out to be as if our world is all about ourselves – that is not the case.

It seems to me that one of the reasons why there are such a vast array of groups and directions is because we personally want to feel as if we have created something new. Many of us desire to become famous, important and feel as if we have left a mark in this world. We want to have our own personal message and invention – and we want that to be acknowledged. What is unfortunate is that this desire creates separation. This issue is easy to see with for example altruistic groups and non-profit organizations. If you do some investigation – you will find that there are many, many, many such organizations. On their own they have little to no impact. They each work with their small niche, attracting a small following, and consequently are not able to push through changes effectively in the world system. I wonder what would happen if all of these organizations would select a common goal and work towards it simultaneously? I foresee that if that was to happen – the selected issue in the world system would receive a lot more attention – and the organizations with their combined financial assets would be able to make a significant impact.

Thus – we have not yet come to understand the power of unity and acting together. This is also clear for us people, when we act in our individual capacity. I am at the moment involved in a project where the government has given grants to restore a lake close to where I live. The project has been granted about 200 000 € and is receiving much attention from villagers in the vicinity to the lake. What has come through on the meetings that has been held is that many villagers are angry with the municipality. They feel that too little tax money are spent in their area of the commune – and that there are not enough commitment from ruling politicians. What I see is that this blame reveals that the villagers have not themselves done what they are able to for their local environment. Consider the fact that if 200 villagers joined together and each donated 1 000 €, which is bearable expense for most households, they would have enough finances to handle the project themselves without the help of the government. Unfortunately – we have not yet realized the power that we have in numbers, unity and a combined direction. When we do – many of the problems we currently have on earth will surely be able to be solved within a lifetime.

Equality and oneness – a principled direction – does not mean that we all have to do the same thing. Instead it involves bringing through the same expansive consideration for the whole in all that we take a part in. We can be active and participate in a small niche area and still include everyone else – and actively work on how our small niche area can interact/relate/cooperate with the rest of the world to contribute and bring through a supportive outcome for all.

It is about WHO WE ARE within what we do. An interest/group/direction can be used as a way to further our own desires and separate ourselves from everyone else or it can be used as a way to complement and support the whole. Every society is complex and requires specialists in a variety of subjects to function effectively – that does not mean that we cannot share the same principle – that we want what is best for ALL – and that we strive to reach there by using common sense. If all of us would unite in such a principle – this world would look very different.


Day 362: Organic Expansion

This past week I have been trying out some applications at work to assist and support myself to achieve more of a balance between my mental/intellectual participation and my physical movement. The reason for this is because of how I feel when I get home from work. I usually experience the time at work as blurred, as if I have existed in only one form of expression – a tense, focused and driven movement – a bit like a strained guitar string playing a one note song. And I admit that at my work, that expression is required at times. I have to be focused, fully and intensely HERE. However, if I do not give myself moments of letting go – that one sided and strained movement starts to tear at me – causing me to feel much more exhausted when I get home than what I would be if I had more balance.

Thus – to support myself with this point I have committed myself to a daily walk after I have eaten my lunch. It is only for a short time, some 15 minutes. However that break gives me the opportunity to BREATH fresh air, to MOVE physically, and to do something DIFFERENT – and that supports me to stabilize myself – and it is something I will continue to do.

And this also brings me into the topic I want to open up in this blog, which is Organic Expansion. Now, for a long time I held the idea that in order to become successful in this world, I have to hold unto and strive to achieve mastery in one or a few well selected areas. I would pursue specialization – and at the same time build a fear within me of losing time in other areas of my life that I did not consider to be relevant to my chosen area of expertise. This caused me to not spend time on for example, taking care of my home, taking care of close relationships – and also – it made me resistant when it came to trying out new hobbies, interests, or simply going for opportunities that opened up in my life, unless obviously, they suited my initial goal/plan/direction that I had decided for myself. I have realized that this way of aiming for specialization quells EXPANSION.

Expansion I have found can be found in the most unlikely of places. Self-expansion cannot be planned – it is a decision that is made in a moment while participating/interacting in this world – and it can be lived/applied in any context/area of our life. And EVERY TIME – when I have expanded myself in one area of my life – it have assisted and supported me to grow and expand in other areas of my life as well. I have realized that it is faulty to view my life as compartmentalized, between for example, my professional life and my leisure time. They are one and the same, in the sense that, what I developed within and as myself in my professional life, will equal and one come through in my leisure time, and the other way around. And because of this, it is really no ‘waste of time’ to spend time and effort developing myself in areas of interests that are outside of my initial goal of what I want to become good at and specialize in.

Because self-expansion cannot be planned – it unfolds organically. And what I mean with self-expansion cannot be planned, is that I cannot decide that for example, I will study two hours about subject B, and then expect that I will be able to expand, only by committing to those two hours of study. I can sit down and study for 8 hours, or drive myself ferociously to achieve a goal, though if I am not PRESENT and HERE – I will not be able to see and participate within the moments of expansion that unfolds organically as I move myself through life. This also implies, that SELF-EXPANSION and GROWTH, is not the same as material success in this world. The fact is that we can become very wealthy, without having grown one inch as an individual. And self-expansion is about personal growth and empowerment.

Thus, the key to self-expansion is to be PRESENT and HERE in the movement of the moment. A moment of expansion could for example open up as I go out to wash my car. I feel bored because of the repetitive movements and the simplicity of the chore and go into thoughts – thus not being HERE and PRESENT. If I would however go out and wash my car, and push myself to be AWARE – I would start to notice the small things. Where the dirt is located on the car, the consistency of the dirt and how the dirt effects the condition of the car. I would start to see the small issues and scratches on the varnish, spot the initial stages of rust. Further, I would be able to experience the movement of my body, and practice ergonomics and body awareness.

As my example shows, the key to self-expansion is not setting up and moving towards goals, and while that practice is cool when it comes to supporting movement and direction, it is the most important ingredient when it comes to self-expansion. And that is because self-expansion is a organic process that is actually accessible in each and every moment – it is all about WHO WE ARE and whether we remain perceptive and receptive to the small points of expansion that are in our lives every day.

Hence, what I have decided to do, is to do things that might seem irrelevant and unnecessary at first glance. To spend time on projects and interests that I resist and to not judge anything that comes into my world as a waste of time – because I know it is not what I do that determines the outcome – it is WHO I AM.

 


Day 361: Organic Growth

There is a time for planning AND there is a time for organic movement. That is my insight for this week.

The way I tend to approach at least some parts of my life, is with exactitude in planning, preparation and execution. Everything should be considered and thought-out beforehand. And the underlying idea is that when everything is preemptively directed – that will bring the best results. However – I have found that this is not necessarily the case. On example of this is nature, specifically, trees.

If you look at how a tree grows, it is in the moment. The branches and roots will stretch out in search for optimum nutrition. That movement might be genetically planned in the design of the seed. However the actual growth of the tree happens organically. When the tree is young, there might be a water shortage. Hence the tree will focus its energy on growing its roots deeper into the ground to reach water. This shapes the tree, making it shorter and with less foliage than what would have been the case if it had instead focused all its energy on growing its branches towards the optimum position for receiving sunlight. Though, if it would have followed such a stiff and inflexible plan, the tree would have most likely died. Because it was able to improvise and grow organically according to its environment – it survived.

Then, many years later, the water shortage comes to an end. The tree now wants to focus on expanding its branches and foliage. Unfortunately for the tree, it has two big tree neighbors that blocks most of the sunlight coming directly from above. Instead of trying to outgrow its neighbors, the tree then grows its branches in such a way where it seeps up the small portions of light that moves past the foliage of its neighbors. The movement is yet again organic – in equilibrium and alignment with the trees environment.

The growth of a tree is flexible, organic, sensitive, receptive and balanced. It grows with common sense – moves on the opportunities that arise and redesigns its direction according to its environment. And as a whole, a tree looks magnificent – perfectly positioned and aligned with the rest of its neighbors.

Compare this organic growth with how us humans tend to move. Most of us decide upon a goal – a dream we want to realize for ourselves. It could be striving to achieve a certain income, enter a profession or become admitted to a education. Regardless, we tend to hold unto our goals stiffly and stubbornly – and when things does not move our way – instead of bending – we break. Because that is the problem with a person that has a stiff mind – he breaks when enough pressure is applied, while a flexible, soft and organic person is able to move around the obstacle. The tree did not stubbornly hold unto a goal of wanting to grow its foliage when there was a water shortage – it moved WITH its environment and was thus able to survive.

Hence – I have this week seen this pattern within me. One example of this is how I have had the tendency to structure/dream projects in my mind. Last summer I dreamed of creating a small carpentry studio in one of the unheated houses on our property. I arranged it and planned installing electricity and heating after a while. However, I did not have the funding or the time to install electricity and heating. This week I realized that there is actually a room on the property that already have heat and electricity installed, that I could have utilized instead all along. I had not however and the reason for this is because I got stuck in a ‘box’ like way of thinking. Where I only saw my initial goal – instead of expanding my thinking and instead of looking at the pictures – looking at the general process/movement that I want to facilitate. The room that is available, it cannot be aligned to fit my dreams of how my carpentry studio should look like – though it facilitates my interest in carpentry more effectively – because it gives me access to heat and electricity so that I am able to work even though it is dark outside. If I had moved myself organically, from moment to moment, I would have taken notice of this room and set up my shop there.

With this blog I want to emphasize the importance of MOMENT to MOMENT living. I want to emphasize that it is not the image/picture that is important – it is the process/movement. If we have an interest in photography – it is not the camera that is important – it is that process/movement of engaging in our interest. Hence if we cannot afford the camera we want, then instead of getting stuck, thinking we cannot advance ourselves within our interest, it is to instead find ways to facilitate and move with what we have at our disposal – to be creative and not break. There is always a lot more that can be done than what we think. The difficult part, that is to break free from our stiff and inflexible goal-driven mind – to instead see the opportunities that are here.


Day 447: Self-Determination

Today I want to open up the word self-determination. In international law there exist a right of self-determination. It is defined in the context of the right for a group of people to decide their own direction/destiny. For example, the right for Swedish people to decide their own direction and not be bothered by other countries stepping in, and making decisions for the Swedish people.

In the context of SELF – self-determination, as I see it, is about me deciding WHO I AM. And this is not a right, it is a decision. The decision must be made in every moment, because otherwise, someone or something else will determine me. Especially in today’s world, where there a literally billions of distractions/temptations that all want a piece of our attention/life, it is important to be self-determined.

What does it mean to be self-determined? An example would be, that if I walk into a room, and in this room there are a couple of angry people that start to yell and scream at me – the principle of self-determination would be lived out through me deciding what word I am going to live and thus not accepting and allowing myself to REACT to the reactions/energies of the people in the room. Hence, it is about ACTING instead of REACTING.

And what does it mean to act instead of react? To act is a movement that comes from within self – there is clarity and understanding – acting is an expression of and as self and not merely something that is motivated and driven from within and as a energy. Hence, there is a distinct difference between acting and reacting, between self-determination and weak-mindedness. The difficult part of self-determination is pushing through those moments of reaction that will occur, because the reaction is tempting, it is the easy way, what feels right. If someone says or does something mean unto us, hell, we want to get back, because, it is the right thing to do? It is the just thing to do? However – it is clearly not the BEST thing to do. A self-determined act is thus never about making things even – it is about acting from the heart – seeing what is best – and realizing that potential practically.

It cannot be stressed enough – that self-determination is a key factor in being able to stand stable and solid in this world. Without self-determination we will be thrown around on the roller-coaster of life, with ups and downs, failures and successes, highs and lows. With self-determination, the ups and downs of life are immaterial – because regardless of what happens – I DECIDE who I am – I DETERMINE who I am. And thus, in the face of successes and failures, I am determined to remain STABLE – in the face of ups and downs – I am determined to remain clear – because I decide to live/do what is best for me.

There is no life path that is going to give me a stable/easy/predictable life – if I want stability in my life – I will have to live it and determine it for and as myself.

 


Learn more about this way of living

Day 446: Finding Passion and Purpose

Passion and purpose. Things that I have had a tendency to look for out there. I am confident that I am not alone in that. It is like the words passion and purpose in themselves have a energy of exertion – towards/against something/someone else but self here.

Though, I have realized a couple of interesting points for myself as of late. I sat down to write on the words of passion and purpose and I ended up asking myself the following question. Is it even possible to SHARE/GIVE passion and purpose towards the world out there if we have not yet given ourselves these words within ourselves in our relationship towards ourselves?

I would say, NO, it is not possible. And the world as well as history is literally full of examples. People that have moved themselves arduously to create/manifest a particular outcome/goal that would empower/enrich humanity in some way – but that along the way forgot COMPLETELY about themselves. Let us look at the main character in the movie Kinsey, which is based on Alfred Kinsey, the famous sexologist who founded the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex. In the movie, Alfred Kinsey is depicted as utterly and wholly passionate with his project of mapping the sexual inclinations of the American people. Again and again, his stout determination comes through. He lives focused and purposefully.

Though, he might have been passionate and purposeful with his project to map out sex. However in the movie, he is depicted as having many character flaws and problems. One example being, that he works too much, and that he does not have time for his spouse and his children, or that he lets his work take over and change the way he relates to his family – making everything about what he is currently researching at his work. At the end of the movie, it becomes clear that he has worked too hard. His body is frail and he over exhausts himself. His purpose, his passion, becomes a drug – a way to hide from himself – and not a point of GIVING.

The movie Kinsey nicely exemplifies what I touched upon above. That real purpose and passion, it always begins from within. You cannot go out into the world and believe that you are going to make a lasting impact, unless you have effectively changed your own flaws. The same goes in relationships and agreements, you cannot attempt to support another to change, unless you have walked through and supported yourself to change that point. The within reflects the without.

I have realized that finding passion and purpose is the wrong way to look at it. Rather, the point is to CREATE passion and purpose, and begin living these words in the SMALL for and as myself – in my small world. Then, when I have established the words as a consistent part of my daily living – I can expand – and take on a slightly bigger point.

Hence, trying to find purpose would be a dead end alley. The point is rather to CREATE self in all ways – when that is done properly – purpose – or rather – a clear direction – will emerge naturally. And it is thus important to remember, that when we start to look for something to give us direction out there, it means that we have not yet given direction to our own process of self-creation.

 


Learn more about this way of living