Tag Archives: direction

Day 377: Why Limit Self-Creation?

“There is no time for me to express! Work, labor, having to get money to survive, it is using up all of my time!”
Recognize this backchat and the oftentimes accompanying emotions of stress, pressure, regret and nervousness? Since I began working full time, I have been finding myself thinking this a couple of times, because working, compared to studying, time wise there is a huge difference. Work requires a different form of investment, you must be physically at work, you must push and drive yourself forward, there is usually a lack of time, and there must be results. When studying, you can read your books wherever you like, and you choose your level of ambition, where you want position your standards so to speak. All in all, studying is a lot more flexible and less physically demanding.

However, we live in a world where work is mandatory. We live in a world where our time must be used to get money so that we can survive. We live in a world where money gives us the right to exist – and hence – we HAVE to work – there is no other way around it. Even though we would ideally like to spend all of our time exploring our hobbies and interests, it is not possible, not yet at least. Thus, for me, it is been big changeover, going from studies to work. And one point that I have had to remind myself of continuously is that it is not about WHAT I DO – it is about WHO I AM within what I do. And I do see this understanding as the solution to the inner conflict, because when I stop placing a focus on where I should be, what I should be doing, who I should be meeting, I open up a space for myself, HERE, that I can step into – and then from there – step into the REAL world. And the real world is never set up according to my expectations, though it is in the real world where I have the opportunity to influence, to change, to move, to push; to CREATE myself – and that is meaningful.

SELF-CREATION is the forgotten ingredient in all of our lives. It has become normal to look for something or someone out there to make ourselves feel whole, our lives meaningful, though regardless of how much we look, regardless of the places we visit, the homes we build, the works we get, the people we meet, the hobbies we acquire – unless SELF-CREATION is part of the equation – everything we do feels incomplete – it lacks that something we cannot really put our finger on.

Hence – WORK – and the time we spend there – it is all about WHAT WE MAKE OF IT – it is time that we can use to CREATE ourselves – or it is time that we can waste feeling stuck/controlled/diminished. This is the choice we have – to either fully immerse ourselves in all aspects and parts of our lives and use our time to CREATE – or remain stuck in an illusory world of ideals, hopes and dreams for something better and more.

I have decided to embrace work as a part of my life – as a part of WHO I AM – and I have decided to make work a part of my life where I am CREATING MYSELF.


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Day 366: Self-Forgiveness On Fear of Making Decisions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be directive in my process of creation with regards to money and career

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to rely on others to direct my career and my decisions with regards to career, so that I can feel safe, in the belief that I cannot rely on myself to make such decisions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot rely on myself to make decisions with regards to my survival, my future, and my career, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get stuck in doubt, in passiveness, in fear, instead of directing myself to make decisions and stand by them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be directive in my decision making process with regards to my future, earning money and creating a career for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself back in my application of creating a career for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to be the one making the decisions, in fear that I will stand with the consequence, not seeing, realizing and understanding, that regardless of whether I trust another to make a decision for me, it is I that will have to stand with the consequence and walk it through

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear creating consequences for myself by making bad decisions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making bad decisions and see it as a solution to not make any decisions at all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being clear and direct with myself in communication and decision making – to be direct with myself, what I want, where I am going, and to not make things more complicated than what they need to be – to focus on the simplicity of seeing things DIRECT here and making decisions according to that

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk around in circles with the same information regurgitating it over and over again – not seeing, realizing and understanding that it will not help me – that the only thing I can do to help myself will be to deal with the undercurrent – with what is going on below the surface

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not deal with the undercurrent and what is going on below the surface – and in this case the undercurrent is fear of failure – and instead of dealing with fear of failure – comparison – competition – I have projected these experiences into my life – into decisions that I am able to make – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how the solution is to deal with the undercurrent of fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it is pointless to again regurgitate the mind experience, trying to reach the most perfect of all decisions, because at the end of the day, it will mean nothing at all, it will only cause things to take longer, because I am not dealing with the core point that is moving within me – which in this case is fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I will not be able to escape the core point through making awesome plans, because it is not about the plan, it is about who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that I will be able to push, drive, and with fever, attempt to fulfill and make the absolute best decisions possible – however – at the end of the day it will not mean anything at all – because I have not dealt with the undercurrent – and thus I will doubt my decision, fear it, and end up giving up – because I am not standing stable within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that certainty in decision making does not arise from a good plan, it arise from within me and WHO I AM – where I stand fearless in relation to the plan I have created for and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that being fearless is the key to be able to make a decision, stick with it, and follow it through till the end

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself starting to think about, and regurgitate a decision, a point that I have already walked and researched sufficiently, I immediately stop myself, take a breath and bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that I am now trying to find a solution to this problem, to my inability to stand with and by my decision, through more research, and more investigation, and more questioning, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that it is not a solution – that it will not assist and support – and that in-fact – the only way I can assist and support me will be through dealing with the undercurrent – the fear that lies behind it all – and thus I commit myself to instead look behind the backchat and see what emotion is moving within – and use the moment to apply self-forgiveness and find a self-corrective statement that I can live instead

Day 360: Certainty Must Come From Within

Purpose and clarity as to what I am going to do, who I am going to be, what direction that I will take on and live, what future I will create, that is a desire that has arisen within me frequently over the last years. In-fact, it has been a recurring point since my teenage years – the urge and desire to have a clearly defined path for myself.

I am not sure exactly when it began, however I have since long had a tendency to want one point that I can aim to accomplish – one interest – one hobby – one part of my life – that I want to bring to its full potential and master so completely that I know it by heart. I used to be comfortable doing things for no particular reason but that I enjoyed doing it, though slowly that  changed. For example, when I started playing computer games, it was because I enjoyed it a lot. In-fact I found it amazingly fun, and I would play game after game. Then, something changed. I began to deliberately focus on becoming ‘good’ at a particular games, and ‘better than’ others. Competition became part of my gaming experience, and now it was not anymore a question of me enjoying myself, it was now about taking it to the next level, so that I could win. I did this with many games – I continued to play them even though I did not necessarily like them, because I was good at them, and I wanted to win.

The same happened with other interests, usually they began as unconditional and innocent projects that I would take on and enjoy with all of my heart – then – they would change and become a way to achieve victory.

As I have progressed through life, this tendency of becoming obsessed with one project, one movement, one drive, has morphed and changed and spilled over into purpose, and have thus become a way of achieving certainty. This metamorphosis has definitely been fueled by the world system, where there are continuously stories promoted about people that seemingly only have one point of purpose in their life, that they follow religiously, and are through that able to achieve success. Making sure that we have a fixed route, we know where we are going, we know what we will do, for me, that has become a way of creating stability and certainty, believing that I need to know my place in my external reality to be stable, and to know myself.

Obviously, this idea of life and purpose is limited. It is limited because in placing our focus and attention on the external reality, we miss that it is not our external reality that determines who we are, it is us that determines our external reality – it is us that decide who we are – and this WHO WE ARE is in turn reflected by our external reality. That principle is the key to any form of creation – it is the key to understanding why our creations sometimes falter, why they other times work out perfectly, and why our life looks the way it looks.

Thus – I see, realize and understand, that my focus, instead of being placed at developing my external reality, first and foremost must be placed at developing/creating/refining my inner reality – and from that will naturally flow a direction as I stand stable within myself and move in breath. Life cannot be predicted beforehand, it must be lived and directed in the moment. Life can only become a certainty, when we stand with certainty within ourselves – and hence there is no point to look for a purpose or clarity out there – unless we have established that for ourselves. It all begins with self, every time.


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Day 346: Writing Our Character

Walking the process of self-creation is not at this stage mainstream behavior. It is rather the opposite – hence self-creation – and placing time and effort into self-investigation is many times looked as a dubious, strange and unnecessary activity. And many groups that form around interests such as self-introspection and self-creation are unfortunately termed cults, and are subject to slander and public defamation. Thus, this world, and most relationships in it, does not at this stage support the PROCESS of birthing life from the physical. However, we cannot allow that to stand in our way. And thus it is important to find ways to integrate points of support for self throughout our days, where we give ourselves time to devote ourselves to our process.

Writing is a great way to solidify the process of self-creation, and if it can be done a couple of days a week, it will assist and support a lot in grounding process into one’s everyday life. Writing a blog for example, is a way of stating WHO I AM – it is a opportunity to expand and move – and to open what is going on under the surface – and specifying where more work must be put in. And because we live in a system, where most of the time such a process of expansion is not supported, it makes it very important to take time write.

When we write, we select words, we specify, describe, and paint a picture, and it is through this process of selection and placing, that we form and shape our character – the WORDS we are going to live as ourselves. If we do not write, then what is then going to shape our lives? The thoughts that arise in our minds, the backchat, emotions, and feelings, and other automatic experiences that we do not even know where they come from, that is going to be what forms our character. And the big, big problem here is that we cannot trust what comes up within ourselves as emotions and feelings. Most of the times it is complete bullshit – and it is thus no wonder that humanity is having difficulties expanding – considering that we are not taking the time to sit down, consider, reflect, and create using words that honor life.

Self-creation is all about words, it is all about making decisions as to what expressions/experiences we will accept and allow within ourselves. Thus, what I have found is that, if we are not actively expanding, refining, and moving ourselves, as our vocabulary, we will diminish, and that experience is going to come through as a sense of being down, depressed, and bored. The mistake most of us make when we reach that stage is that we blame our reality, or the people within it, thinking that it is their fault that we are not expanding. However, it is never about our external environment – it is about WHO WE ARE – and HOW we MOVE.

Usually, we find ourselves in a small world, that is defined by routines, and responsibilities. We do the same thing day out and day in, because that is how survival works. Though, that must not become an excuse for us to not create ourselves, because within walking the process of self-creation, one thing is clear, there will always be opportunities for expansion – IF – we are open and receptive to them – and IF we are on our toes – ready to JUMP at them when they appear. Being consistent with writing assists and supports with finding these opportunities.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become lazy, in the sense that I wait for my life to expand, instead of me actively moving myself to expand, through finding opportunities, finding weaknesses to strengthen and strengths to make even stronger, to thus be a active part in my life and create myself utilizing the time given to me every day

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for me to expand, instead of actively walking that process

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be open and receptive to the opportunities that are here in my life – to not be open and receptive to the various things and processes that can be walked – where I am still accepting and allowing myself to remain in some sort of limitation – and where I am thus able to improve myself – empower myself – strengthen myself – and expand my process of self-creation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that consistently writing, assists and supports me in my process of self-creation – it assists and supports me to find my weak spots – to find where I still have to improve – to find the opportunities that are and have always been HERE – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to make self-creation a priority in my life and something that I push everyday

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that to move forward in my process of self-creation, I must, myself, find the points where I am able to move forward, and thus in a way, CREATE my own processes, as I see, realize and understand, that this is what self-creation implies in its very essence – that I build and move something from scratch into and as a point of completion – thus I must make the initial schematics – and I must then place and initiate them into self-creation – and there will never be someone or something coming into my life that creates and makes this for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for my process to unfold instead of creating it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for my life to unfold – instead of creating it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait instead of creating

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself feeling limited, bored, depressed, down or contained, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand, that usually, I feel like this, because I am not actively moving myself in my reality to create myself, my process, my life, my direction, my future – and thus I see, realize and understand that this is a sign – that I require to spark things up – move myself – take on a point of creation – and thus I look within myself in that moment if there is a point of creation I can practice THEN and THERE – and then I commit myself to practice and live that point of creation that I see I am able to push and create within me

 

Day 344: Removing Projections

Future projections and dreams, if I have realized one thing in this process, it is how easily we can deceive ourselves by accepting and allowing ourselves to participate in the idea of a more fulfilling future. It is soooo easy – one moment when we lose touch with our breath – and a imagination regarding future comes up – and whoop – we are gone with the wind. The treacherous thing about future projections is that they are usually accompanied with some form of positive experience. Hence it is easy to believe that future projections is a positive/good/empowering pattern within ourselves. However, that is not the case, because the consequence of future projections is: Waiting instead of acting, not committing to what is here, not participating with what is here, and hoping instead of living. Basically, future projections makes us slave to a mental projection in our minds, and does not support us to LIVE.

Let me give you a practical example from my own life. During my university studies I found within me a deep and passionate love for learning. I enjoyed to read, to take in information, and to push myself to excel in my studies. However, while I was doing this, at the same time, there was within me a projection, an idea of where I was supposed to go in the future. Without me seeing it at the time, I was through holding unto that projection, my idea of what profession I would enter, what future I was supposed to have, and what I wanted to experience, already conditioning my relationship to my studies. I developed a tendency of only committing myself to certain parts and aspects of my studies that I deemed to be worthwhile in consideration of how I would best be able to realize my future projection. Through doing that, I missed out on a lot. Because there were many aspects of my studies that I could have committed myself to walk and get to know even better, if I had not held unto that future projection.

Thus, this all goes to show the importance of not conditioning our current expression, movement, and direction, that takes place in each and every moment of breath, according to a idea, a future projection, an illusion of where we are supposed to go. There is SO much to learn, so many areas of life in which we are able to expand, improve, and practice changing ourselves to the better – HOWEVER – when we close ourselves off to that part of life through constantly thinking about and looking at some distant future that is not here – we will not give ourselves access to that eternal well of expansion that is always HERE.

This also brings me into a different though closely related point – TIME – and how we use our time on this earth. When we always strive for something different to what is here – then we are NOT using our time effectively – because – we are not IN TIME – moving WITH TIME – but rather racing towards a time somewhere in the distant future. Life, reality, relationships, developing and creating ourselves – that is a process that will only always be HERE. If we are not HERE – then that process will be out of our reach. Thus – the importance of pushing presence – awareness – and HERE-living.

Now, how do we change from living in the future, in a projection, to instead, living HERE? One solution that I see, is to give myself FULLY to the MOMENTS of my life. Lets say that in one moment, I am participating on a chat. To then give myself FULLY to that moment would be to go into and participate in that chat with presence, awareness and vigor – it would be to have my mind and my attention placed fully here on what I am doing – not being separated through for example – thinking about what I am going to eat after the chat – but committing myself FULLY – FULLY living – FULLY communicating – FULLY relating – FULLY interacting – FULLY responding – being FULLY here – and not split in a millions pieces within myself as thoughts, and projections, as ideas of where I should go, who I should be, what I should do, and what not.

The solution to the illusion of a fuller life out there – is to become that FULL life HERE through FULLY living – and FULLY living being – to take part FULLY in every moment with ALL of MYSELF – and not half-arsing my way through life believing that such a participation is in anyway resembling what real living expression is all about.


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Day 343: Taking Charge of Work

It is not necessarily fun or enjoyable to work. In a very real sense, we are slaves to money, and we must work if we wish to survive. From that perspective, work is simply something we must do in order to get to and have time for the good things in life. Usually, the good things would be hobbies, family, friends, partying, traveling, and similar things. However, if we look at the time spent in the various compartments/dimensions of our lives, work is definitely one of the things we do the most. The majority of people spend their entire lives working, and have only a small amount of time left each day to spend on themselves. And when this is the case, it does not make sense to look and relate to work as something we have to get by and move past with as little involvement as possible – because – if we do – we will MISS OUT.

Work, even though we have to do it, it can become a rewarding, challenging and fascinating experience. What I have seen since opening this point up is that when we react to, and define work as only that ‘thing we just have to get through’ – we miss the countless of dimensions that exists within work where we are able to improve and expand. And it does not necessarily have to be about the work, meaning the physical action or actions we are involved within that defines our work. Instead, the the point of expansion can be found in unpredictable places and towards things that we would normally not pay any attention to.

For example, for me, what initially opened up as a challenge, and point within which I could expand, was living the word thorough. And this is because, in my line of work, being thorough is very important – and if one point is missed – this can have big repercussions. When I had mastered thoroughness, what opened up for me was balance, from the perspective that in order for me to be the best me, I had to develop and maintain a balance between leisure time, and time spent working. Recently, what has come up has been the word structure, which I am practicing through making daily to-do lists, following and developing effective routines, and before I begin with something, to slow down, and look at how I can approach the task in the best manner possible.

Though, what I mentioned above, that is only the bigger processes that I have walked. I have also worked with experiences in relation to colleagues, the pressures related to work, expectations that I have placed on myself, desires, inferiority, and more. What I want to say is that, if we are open to changing and developing ourselves to reach and stand as our utmost potential, work is a supreme location to be at – it is where we want to be – because we will face life straight head on – and it is in that face-to-face contact – that we have the opportunity to live – design – and create ourselves.

Instead of reacting to work, we should actively ask ourselves, what is it that I can do expand myself when I am working? Where can I push myself? Where can I develop myself? What can I learn from my colleagues? Where are my weaknesses and how can I turn them into strengths, and how am I able to strengthen my strengths even further?

Seen this way, working becomes something more, it becomes a place of creation, and not merely that place where you go to earn money, to afterwards go home, and only then do what you enjoy to do. Really, we should not have any separation in our lives, where we see one part of our existence as a prison where we cannot do anything but wait till we are released, and another part as our personal heaven where we want to spend every single minute. Regardless of where we are at, we have an opportunity to expand, create, move, and go beyond our limitations. And that must always be a part of our awareness. Hence it should not be our environment that creates us, we should do that, with our decisions, and the words we live.


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Day 315: Missing Me In My Decisions

Today I had a listen to two interviews on Eqafe:

These two interviews are about points that we face when it comes to big decisions, such as deciding upon a career, where to live, or what relationship to go into. The primary experience that is discussed is the fear of making the wrong decision, where this experience comes from,  how, and why it is created.

I can now see that the one point holding me back from seeing with clarity is that I do not accept and allow myself to consider MYSELF in the decisions that I make. It is easy for me to make a decision, set a goal, and then will myself to achieve it, without asking myself, and looking within myself at what it is that I would actually want – or rather – what would be BEST for me? What would ENHANCE and EMPOWER me? What would make me BEST for and as myself?

For example, when it comes to looking at my future, I have not asked myself what direction would best fit my beingness, my way of expressing and sharing myself, and instead, I have looked at the practicalities, and the practicalities only. There is also my relationship with myself to consider, and this relationship is not based solely on what is practical, there is something more to it, and that more is WHO I AM as a being, how I genuinely express and experience my life.

I am grateful that I have been able to now see, and define from where this reaction of uncertainty arise, because it reveals a lot. I can see how this way of approaching life arise from inflexibility, ideals, ideas, and judgments towards myself, where I do not consider WHO I AM, but rather make a logical assessment in my mind of where I should go, and then start creating my life according to that. And possibly, this is also why I many times change my mind, because I am not FULLY here in what I am doing. I have not accepted and allowed myself to also look at MY relationship to the point, WHO I AM, in relationship to my life, my career, and other decisions that arise in my daily living.

There is a solution, and that is to when I look at future play-outs, and I notice the fear of making a wrong decision come up within me, that I then stop myself, take a breath, and ask myself: Who am I within this? Does this fit, enhance, support and develop me and my being? Is this where I want to go and where I see myself being and becoming the best that I can become?