Tag Archives: direction

Day 412: Potential

Today I am going to open up the word POTENTIAL.

Recently I looked at a documentary covering the campaign of the current president of France, Emmanuel Macron. It was an interesting view of the political machinery, from the inside. However, I am not going to review the content of the film, but rather my reactions towards it. The reactions that came up within me was that of stress, as well as comparison. I compared myself to Emmanuel Macron and the position he has achieved. The backchat went something like this:

‘My god, he is only 39 years old, and already president. What have I achieved with my life? I must get a move on if I am going to do something with myself.’

After a chat with my Desteni I Process buddy (she helps me a lot!) I reached the conclusion that the reaction had to do with how I had defined the word potential. The way I saw the word, it was still imbued with the various ideas marketed in the current system of what it means to be successful, what it means to achieve, what it means to become someone in this world; and those are mostly about getting money, or having influence or power. In my life, neither of those factors are particularly salient, at least not to the extent where I can compare myself to a president. Hence, in my mind, the comparison with Emmanuel Macron, fell out in such a way that I was the loser.

Thus – it is time to redefine the word potential. An interesting point to note is that I do not have difficulties in seeing the potential of others. In-fact, that is natural to me. And the potential I see within others is not limited to the polarities of the system and ideas of success – rather – I am able to see how they would be able to contribute/give/expand within their current situation and in their daily living. It is really fascinating actually. An example would for example be my neighbor, who is a farmer. Now, in his life, and profession, and because of who he is, I see the potential of him inviting young people, children, to follow him and learn what a farmer does. I can see that he would be able to give a lot of himself through such a set-up – a POTENTIAL. Though, when I look at my own life, I have experienced a lot more difficulty in trying to establish, what is my potential, and what I am able to do with myself in this lifetime to assist and support myself and others.

Let’s redefine the word POTENTIAL

Sounding the word

Potent-See-All
Potent-All
Pour-Ten-Shallow
Pool-Of-All
Pool-Of-My-All
Pour-Into-The-Shallow

Creative writing

I see that word potential is about filling and empty space. A shallow pool waiting to be filled. The pool has a certain amount of water when it is filled to its brim, its utmost. Living the word potential, is hence about recognizing the amount of water that should be in the pool, and then filling it with water – manifesting its utmost. And filling my pool with water would be the process of realizing/manifesting my potential.

In the world system potential oftentimes has a very limited definition. Mostly it is connected to either sex or money. However, there is obviously a lot more to the word potential. What I see at the moment is that most aspects of our lives holds a unfulfilled potential. For example, the way I drive my car. In certain traffic situations I might be sloppy and careless – and I see that I could do/become more in that particular context of of my life – there is a POTENTIAL for EXPANSION – a pool that is not yet filled. Hence – realizing my potential in that context would be to actually push myself to in similar traffic situations become more attentive and careful.

Thus potential is not limited to improving ourselves in our career or in our ability to acquire and hold unto a partner. Potential is everywhere – and really – our task is to learn to SEE the potential. And to be able to SEE our potential we must learn to recognize what we are dissatisfied with and want to change, learn to see and become inspired by the examples of others, so that we see that we are able to see that there is MORE, and learn to listen to ourselves and bring forth those inner visions we have, were we see we could move and expand with regards to a particular point, into the foreground of our lives, where they can become part of our daily movement and living.

Living potential is as such very much about being ACTIVE and constantly MOVING, CHALLENGING, PUSHING myself forward to see what more I am able to do, and what more I am able to become. Because really, what stands in my way most of the times is that I am not sufficiently ON THE BALL to catch and move on the potential when it opens up.

Redefinition of the word POTENTIAL

Pushing Myself To Make A Moment/Expression/Point The Best That It Can Be


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Day 411: Creating My Own Path

I recently watched a Netflix original series called ‘GLOW’, where one of the characters, a disillusioned and uncomfortably direct and simultaneously honest movie director, explains to one of his actresses, that is supposed to play the ‘bad guy’ in his movie, that there is great power in learning how to not give a fuck about being hated/disliked by others. This line struck a chord with me an hence I want to expand on it in this blog.

From what I have come understand, of both of myself and others, is that our average/normal way of going about life, is that we want to be loved by others, and act accordingly, which is achieved mostly by trying to please others. There are a few people that gets off by doing the opposite, they want to feel hated and disliked, because that makes them feel empowered. Obviously, none of these polarities are a solution, and does not assist and support with growth and mutual self-expansion. If we move around in our life’s trying to be loved by others, well, in some way or another, that will always lead us to compromise and change ourselves to fit in and try to be the way we believe others wants us to be. If we go around deliberately instigating conflicts, and trying to make others dislike others, well, then we are as well changing ourselves to have others respond to us in a particular – we will still be a slave. The base problem in both scenarios is that we define and live according to the response/stimuli that we get from others – and that is what we need to move away from.

A consequence of only acting/living according to what we believe others want, or do not want us to be/do, is that we do not get to know ourselves. Instead we are moved by fickle and ephemeral experiences, change our direction on a whim, what is popular and what is not popular, what is desirable and what is not desirable (generally speaking), we move there – without really understanding why, or having looked at whether it would be best for us or not. It is a form of herd-mentality – and obviously it is a lot easier to just go with the flow. Then we do not have to look within, consider, assess, ponder, and asks ourselves; Okay, but WHO AM I within all of this? And maybe this is the reason we are so prone to move and act according to the stimuli others present to us in our lives, we really do not want to go through the inner conflict of getting to know ourselves and deciding upon a direction? At least this has been the case with me.

While moving with the flow requires no particular self-will or self-discipline, and mostly, comes very naturally, choosing upon and going in our own direction, is in my experience a lot more tough, at least the first times it is done. The times when I have decided to do what I see is common sense, while at the same time, I have had a desire to follow along with what everyone else was doing (which happened to be something different), I have been very conflicted about the decision. Sometimes I have wanted to go back on what I decided, because, what if my way is the wrong way? What if everyone else is right, and I am making a complete fool out of myself? This is characteristic I have found in terms of choosing and deciding upon our personal path, when we do, we have ALL the RESPONSIBILITY. We cannot blame person X for ‘putting us in this position’ – no we did it ourselves. However, that is also what I truly enjoy about making decisions for and as MYSELF – I am responsible – I am the creator – I move – I make it happen – and it will NOT happen by itself.

Thus, the solution as I see to change myself, from needing some form of response form others, to instead making and walking decisions that I have made myself, is to develop common sense – and learn to trust my common sense. If I have made a calculated decision, because I have seen that it is best, and someone else comes and says – ‘No, this is what is best!’ – if I stand clear within myself and know the specifics of my decisions – then I am less likely to fall into doubt and uncertainty. When I am clear within myself with regards to why I am doing what I am doing, I cannot be swayed and controlled the same way as I would otherwise.

Hence, this is exemplifies another point, it is not about being different, not about fear of what others might think about me – the reactions I have within me towards the input/response/stimuli of others reveals to me my relationship with myself – and if there is any form of dependency – that implies that I have not yet developed and stood as a point of grounded, decisive and clear point of common sense in my own life – but that I still wish to push the responsibility of my decisions unto others. As such, on a deeper dimension, it shows that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand accountable for my own life. The solution to this point is to live accountability – and do that through practicing STANDING with and by the decisions that I make – in terms of establishing what is BEST for ALL before I make a decision – and then deciding according to the assessment I have made. This way I will develop accountability – and at the same time – become a lot better at making decisions for myself, as well as standing with and by them even though others might say that I should do or think differently.


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Day 395: The Power of Writing

How to remain self-honest and walk process, how to not get distracted and lost in the entertainment offered within the system, how to keep one’s focus and chosen direction in life even though so much time goes into working, money, and other forms of responsibilities that must be handled in order to survive?

These are questions I have been looking at recently, because in acquiring a full time job, getting access to more money and a easier, more comfortable life, it is easy to forget what is important, it is easy to forget one’s purpose, and forgetting that, so many people in this world are without their basic necessities, living in unacceptable conditions, in a system that does not cater to the needs of everyone. What I have found as a solution to this problem is WRITING – the WRITTEN word – that has become my sanity and point of grounding. When everything spins fast, sitting down by my computer, and establishing the words I want to live and stand as within my life helps a lot. In writing, I am able to reaffirm my purpose, direction, movement – I am able to remind myself of what is crucial and what I want to do with myself – because with writing – I have a moment with myself where I am able to deliberately choose my WORDS – and my words become my WORLD.

If we take a look out in the world – we are constantly bombarded with words; advertisements, newspapers, television programs, books, music, conversations with other people – there is a on going soundboard of words entering our worlds daily. Hence – it is not strange that if we ourselves do not take responsibility to design ourselves according to the words we see are best – that we will slowly but surely loose focus – start to slip – forget – become led astray – because we begin to live and integrate words that others have put out into the world – instead of sticking with our own words – that we have decided upon because we see that they are best for us.

Because of this I have decided to put in some time to write most mornings before I leave for work – I use a pen and a paper and I allow it to take time required. However, with writing, I have found that it is not the amount written that matters, it is the principle, the direction, the clarity, the intent, the decisiveness in the words. I can write for an entire day – though if I am not self-honest – it will mean nothing at all. Same is true the other way around, I can write but one sentence, however with that sentence I can change my entire day – I can make a clear decision as to who I am going to be and live that day and then apply it – and through that make a directive and supportive movement in my life.

Hence – with writing – the power lies in writing words that MATTER – writing words that come from the HEART – and then – through writing – looking for and establishing solutions that can be lived PRACTICALLY – PHYSICALLY – HERE. It is through process of placing words that matter that I have been able to support myself to remain grounded and focused on my direction – and hence it is something that I would suggest for anyone interested in supporting themselves to make and create something more with their lives – a life lived from within and as principle – and not moved from thought to thought without any plan or goal.

 


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Day 389: Using My Time To Do What Matters

With having children one thing that I have realized is the amount of time I used to have at my disposal – BEFORE – having children – which is similar to the realization I had when I started working full time – only then did I understand how much time I had when I did not work full time. It has put into perspective how I use my time. Now, when I sit down to watch a television series, it is not anymore something that I just do. Now is it a decision within me, where I know that if I use this time to look at this series, it will not come back, and I that I will not be able to do the other things I considered. Hence, what having children has opened up has been my relationship to time and what I spend it on.

Because, time is a resource, which only becomes visible and valuable when there is little of it. When people face terminal illnesses, the time left at their disposal becomes invaluable. Or, when a father or mother gets a days vacation, without the presence children to be cared for or household chores to be done, that day becomes precious. Now when I have a child, I understand. I understand why people look and meticulously plan for and dream about their summer vacation – it is all about time. However, what I cannot help to ask is why we do not learn and push ourselves to develop this respectful relationship to time regardless of how much of it we have at our disposal. Would it no have been awesome if we as children and young adults would have used and cherished all that time we had and used it constructively to support ourselves and the building of our future? I say that it would have been.

Unfortunately I cannot go back in time, thus I will have to make due with what is here, and currently there is very little time at my disposal. Hence, what I can do is to push myself to really use, cherish, and hold this time tightly, to make sure that I do not waste a second – where wasting would be to drift off in my thoughts, to remain in a emotional experience, to feel bored, depressed, or listless – MAN – there is no TIME for such nonsense! Because life is meant to be SENSED – and we are meant to ACTIVELY engage with life on all levels of creation. And I find that small children do this very well. They are very attuned to their physical surroundings and live in every moment – FULLY – that is what I mean with USING time – living FULLY – and that is what I want to do and experience with my life.

Hence – I will make sure that I do utilize all of my life – all of my time fully – to not remain in the backseat accepting and allowing things to proceed as they have – on routine – no – I will push myself to life and engage with life actively at any opportunity I get.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in automation mode – and to believe/act is if I have all the time in the world – and as if there are no consequences to wasting my time – and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and bring myself back here and actively push myself to live actively – to live in the moment – to use my moments to support myself – to if I have a moment – some time available – to make sure that I utilize it in a way that is supportive and that moves me forward – and that I do not fall into the trap of entertainment and existing but only to be distracted

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become distracted and lose my connection with physical reality through thinking – through imagination – through spending my time/my breaths in my mind instead of being HERE within and as physical reality – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I am losing my connection with what is real – here – when and as I accept and allow myself to become obsessed about external points – or entertainment in the form of thoughts arising in my mind – and hence I see, realize and understand that the solution is to breathe and to make sure that my focus – that my attention – that my HERE – my presence and living is HERE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that in order to live fully, I require to let go of my distractions, let go of my mind, let go of my fantasies, let go of me wanting to exist and remain within and as a state and condition of inner experience/feeling/happiness – where I utilize my thoughts to drug myself into a state of non-recognition – where I am not really here with the physical – and thus I commit myself to effectively in every moment bring myself back to life and living by breathing and remaining practical/physical here – as I see, realize and understand that this is the solution – this is the way forward

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not utilize my time effectively – and hence I see, realize and understand that utilizing my time effectively means that I live/create/move myself in every moment – that I do not wait or postpone or make myself dependent upon my mind for me to create and live – but that every breath is a moment of creation – a moment of bringing myself back here – a moment of grounding myself into what is real – into physical living and participation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not in every moment remind myself what is real – that it is not the thoughts racing around in my mind – but that it is my breath – that it is my physical, grounded stability here – that is what I am able to trust – that is what I am able to stand by – that is what I am able to hold within me – as I see that this is what I can always fall back upon when things get tough – that my breath is a sacred place of movement and expansion – that here I am able to return in every moment to seek support and assistance and to find direction when there is seemingly none to be found – moment to moment

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself becoming distracted by thoughts, or distracted by pictures/movements in my external reality, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that I am in this moment separating myself from the physical, separating myself from what is real, accepting and allowing myself to become passenger to my mind instead of actively creating myself – and hence I commit myself to take a breath and bring myself back here to actively and fully create myself – and to do that through breathing, coming back to my breath, back into my physical, back into my grounded stability, and that I then proceed to move from HERE and forward into life

 


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Day 377: Why Limit Self-Creation?

“There is no time for me to express! Work, labor, having to get money to survive, it is using up all of my time!”
Recognize this backchat and the oftentimes accompanying emotions of stress, pressure, regret and nervousness? Since I began working full time, I have been finding myself thinking this a couple of times, because working, compared to studying, time wise there is a huge difference. Work requires a different form of investment, you must be physically at work, you must push and drive yourself forward, there is usually a lack of time, and there must be results. When studying, you can read your books wherever you like, and you choose your level of ambition, where you want position your standards so to speak. All in all, studying is a lot more flexible and less physically demanding.

However, we live in a world where work is mandatory. We live in a world where our time must be used to get money so that we can survive. We live in a world where money gives us the right to exist – and hence – we HAVE to work – there is no other way around it. Even though we would ideally like to spend all of our time exploring our hobbies and interests, it is not possible, not yet at least. Thus, for me, it is been big changeover, going from studies to work. And one point that I have had to remind myself of continuously is that it is not about WHAT I DO – it is about WHO I AM within what I do. And I do see this understanding as the solution to the inner conflict, because when I stop placing a focus on where I should be, what I should be doing, who I should be meeting, I open up a space for myself, HERE, that I can step into – and then from there – step into the REAL world. And the real world is never set up according to my expectations, though it is in the real world where I have the opportunity to influence, to change, to move, to push; to CREATE myself – and that is meaningful.

SELF-CREATION is the forgotten ingredient in all of our lives. It has become normal to look for something or someone out there to make ourselves feel whole, our lives meaningful, though regardless of how much we look, regardless of the places we visit, the homes we build, the works we get, the people we meet, the hobbies we acquire – unless SELF-CREATION is part of the equation – everything we do feels incomplete – it lacks that something we cannot really put our finger on.

Hence – WORK – and the time we spend there – it is all about WHAT WE MAKE OF IT – it is time that we can use to CREATE ourselves – or it is time that we can waste feeling stuck/controlled/diminished. This is the choice we have – to either fully immerse ourselves in all aspects and parts of our lives and use our time to CREATE – or remain stuck in an illusory world of ideals, hopes and dreams for something better and more.

I have decided to embrace work as a part of my life – as a part of WHO I AM – and I have decided to make work a part of my life where I am CREATING MYSELF.


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Day 366: Self-Forgiveness On Fear of Making Decisions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be directive in my process of creation with regards to money and career

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to rely on others to direct my career and my decisions with regards to career, so that I can feel safe, in the belief that I cannot rely on myself to make such decisions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot rely on myself to make decisions with regards to my survival, my future, and my career, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get stuck in doubt, in passiveness, in fear, instead of directing myself to make decisions and stand by them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be directive in my decision making process with regards to my future, earning money and creating a career for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself back in my application of creating a career for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to be the one making the decisions, in fear that I will stand with the consequence, not seeing, realizing and understanding, that regardless of whether I trust another to make a decision for me, it is I that will have to stand with the consequence and walk it through

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear creating consequences for myself by making bad decisions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making bad decisions and see it as a solution to not make any decisions at all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being clear and direct with myself in communication and decision making – to be direct with myself, what I want, where I am going, and to not make things more complicated than what they need to be – to focus on the simplicity of seeing things DIRECT here and making decisions according to that

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk around in circles with the same information regurgitating it over and over again – not seeing, realizing and understanding that it will not help me – that the only thing I can do to help myself will be to deal with the undercurrent – with what is going on below the surface

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not deal with the undercurrent and what is going on below the surface – and in this case the undercurrent is fear of failure – and instead of dealing with fear of failure – comparison – competition – I have projected these experiences into my life – into decisions that I am able to make – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how the solution is to deal with the undercurrent of fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it is pointless to again regurgitate the mind experience, trying to reach the most perfect of all decisions, because at the end of the day, it will mean nothing at all, it will only cause things to take longer, because I am not dealing with the core point that is moving within me – which in this case is fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I will not be able to escape the core point through making awesome plans, because it is not about the plan, it is about who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that I will be able to push, drive, and with fever, attempt to fulfill and make the absolute best decisions possible – however – at the end of the day it will not mean anything at all – because I have not dealt with the undercurrent – and thus I will doubt my decision, fear it, and end up giving up – because I am not standing stable within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that certainty in decision making does not arise from a good plan, it arise from within me and WHO I AM – where I stand fearless in relation to the plan I have created for and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that being fearless is the key to be able to make a decision, stick with it, and follow it through till the end

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself starting to think about, and regurgitate a decision, a point that I have already walked and researched sufficiently, I immediately stop myself, take a breath and bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that I am now trying to find a solution to this problem, to my inability to stand with and by my decision, through more research, and more investigation, and more questioning, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that it is not a solution – that it will not assist and support – and that in-fact – the only way I can assist and support me will be through dealing with the undercurrent – the fear that lies behind it all – and thus I commit myself to instead look behind the backchat and see what emotion is moving within – and use the moment to apply self-forgiveness and find a self-corrective statement that I can live instead

Day 360: Certainty Must Come From Within

Purpose and clarity as to what I am going to do, who I am going to be, what direction that I will take on and live, what future I will create, that is a desire that has arisen within me frequently over the last years. In-fact, it has been a recurring point since my teenage years – the urge and desire to have a clearly defined path for myself.

I am not sure exactly when it began, however I have since long had a tendency to want one point that I can aim to accomplish – one interest – one hobby – one part of my life – that I want to bring to its full potential and master so completely that I know it by heart. I used to be comfortable doing things for no particular reason but that I enjoyed doing it, though slowly that  changed. For example, when I started playing computer games, it was because I enjoyed it a lot. In-fact I found it amazingly fun, and I would play game after game. Then, something changed. I began to deliberately focus on becoming ‘good’ at a particular games, and ‘better than’ others. Competition became part of my gaming experience, and now it was not anymore a question of me enjoying myself, it was now about taking it to the next level, so that I could win. I did this with many games – I continued to play them even though I did not necessarily like them, because I was good at them, and I wanted to win.

The same happened with other interests, usually they began as unconditional and innocent projects that I would take on and enjoy with all of my heart – then – they would change and become a way to achieve victory.

As I have progressed through life, this tendency of becoming obsessed with one project, one movement, one drive, has morphed and changed and spilled over into purpose, and have thus become a way of achieving certainty. This metamorphosis has definitely been fueled by the world system, where there are continuously stories promoted about people that seemingly only have one point of purpose in their life, that they follow religiously, and are through that able to achieve success. Making sure that we have a fixed route, we know where we are going, we know what we will do, for me, that has become a way of creating stability and certainty, believing that I need to know my place in my external reality to be stable, and to know myself.

Obviously, this idea of life and purpose is limited. It is limited because in placing our focus and attention on the external reality, we miss that it is not our external reality that determines who we are, it is us that determines our external reality – it is us that decide who we are – and this WHO WE ARE is in turn reflected by our external reality. That principle is the key to any form of creation – it is the key to understanding why our creations sometimes falter, why they other times work out perfectly, and why our life looks the way it looks.

Thus – I see, realize and understand, that my focus, instead of being placed at developing my external reality, first and foremost must be placed at developing/creating/refining my inner reality – and from that will naturally flow a direction as I stand stable within myself and move in breath. Life cannot be predicted beforehand, it must be lived and directed in the moment. Life can only become a certainty, when we stand with certainty within ourselves – and hence there is no point to look for a purpose or clarity out there – unless we have established that for ourselves. It all begins with self, every time.


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