Tag Archives: disagreement

Day 330: The Battle of The Colliding Preferences

When I was still living by myself, I had complete freedom in how to structure my reality. I decided my routines, when I was going to do things, what I was going to do, how I was going to do it, and if I did not like the way I did something, I would simply change it. Then, I got into a relationship, and my partner and I eventually moved in together, and this opened up the world of colliding preferences. It is those small things that I would normally not even notice, that suddenly frustrates and irritates my partner – and for me – this has been challenging to understand and deal with – because for me – the things the routine things that I do are completely natural, normal,  because I have always done things like this.

Thus, yesterday, I was discussing this point with my partner, of our colliding preferences, and the issue of which of our preferences should be given precedence. It was interesting to look at this point, because many of our preferences have no practical origin. Instead, many times, our preferences are something we have built up using the example of our parents, what others have told us to do, where we have not really looked at what would be the BEST way of approaching reality. How often do we sit down to define our preferences to align them with what is best for all, and base them on a solid foundation of research and reflection? Very, very seldom, at least that is the case with me.

For example, cleaning the house, initially as I moved away from my parents to live alone, cleaning was not a priority what-so-ever. I considered cleaning to be boring, tedious, and unnecessary. I thought that it was okay with dust, grease, and dirt, not because I had made in-depth research on what condition of cleanliness that would be best for me, but because I had examples in my life, such as friends, with a similar preference with regards to cleaning, from which I copied my particular approach. Hence, I embraced a filthy home-environment, because that was my preference. However, when my partner got into my life, this preference was challenged. My partner was a lot more cleanly and had specific routines for cleaning her home environment. In the beginning, this made no sense to me at all, and I for a long time resisted this new kind of preference . This obviously caused conflicts, because that is the thing with colliding preferences, conflicts will ensue.

This led me down the road of researching my cleaning preferences, questioning them, and seeing if there was a better way that I could deal with certain points. I started to research the purpose and functioning of cleaning more closely, and in that I developed a deeper understanding of cleaning. Instead of it being an empty preference, something I did by routine, I started to shape my cleaning preference based on what was best for all. I realized that a clean living abode is very important to physical health, and to clean effectively, various products, and techniques must be combined. Through me researching and challenging my preferences, an entire world of new information opened up, and eventually my partner and I were able to reach common ground in relation to our cleaning practices.

So, yesterday, the point of preference opened up in relation to another aspect of my life, where I had one way I liked to do things, and my partner another. At first I defended my preference, but then I started to look deeper into the point, because I realized, that when two preferences are at war, this because there is no understanding of what would be best for all. Hence, this is how I looked at it. If the two preferences are very much subjective (based on arbitrary conclusions) such as for example, preference of color, then the person which cares more for their preference should be given precedence, as long as there is no practical consequential outflow that is created by manifesting the preference. And if the preference concerns a practical physical point such as how to clean the counter-tops or the placement of particular furniture, then consideration should not only be given to we care about realizing that particular preference, but also to the point of what, according to research and objective considerations, would be the best, and accordingly from which preference we, equal and one, would benefit the most.

Thus, the trick is to look at the preference from within and as the starting point of equality and oneness, and ask myself: What would benefit me ‘equal and one’? And this requires that I let go of my desire to hold unto my specific preference, and open myself up to new ways of doing things, and unconditionally look at what would be the best for the both of us. Hence, in this process, I am changing the battle of the preferences, into a internal journey of finding the best ways to live together with my partner, where it is not anymore about ‘my’ preferences, it is about creating harmony and balance between two individuals with regards do daily living routines.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my preferences as more important than anyone else’s preference, and thus I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to let go of my self-interest to instead be able to see the practicality of preferences – and select my preference on the basis of what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight for and defend my preference

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fearful that I will not be able to live out my preference the way I want

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not hear what preferences others might, and not care about it either, because I only care for my own preference

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value my preferences more than the preferences of others, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider, that when there is a ‘battle of preferences’ – this might be because I have not slowed myself down to listen to the other person, hear him or her out, to see what it is that he or she wants, because maybe their preference is more efficient, and practical than mine

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to protect my preferences even though I do no care for them very much, and even though I could simply, and without much inner conflict change my preference to something that would be more in alignment with my physical reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not protecting my preferences, in fear that if I let them go, I am going to loose myself, or part of my identity, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to my preferences, not seeing, realizing and understanding that preferences, mostly, have nothing to do with me and a genuine self-expression, as it is oftentimes merely a routine, and way of doing or approaching things, that I have gotten used to and now apply in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not dare to question my preferences, and as well, dare to let them go, seeing, realizing and understanding that this will not compromise, or lessen me, because my preferences are not me, but merely ways of doing things, and sometimes, ways of doing things that are not efficient at all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not create my preferences on sound research – and define my preferences on what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not let myself unconditionally listen to the preferences of others and see if there is something that I am able to learn or apply in my own life – or whether I can up/change/direct my preferences to become more effective and in alignment with physical reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget about how my preferences came to be – and that many times it was just something that happened because I was comfortable with it, and someone else in my life did similar, and that it was seldom an act of conscious/aware deliberation, finding the best and most harmonious way to exist within and as this world

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself fighting for and defending my preferences, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that there is really nothing within me that I am able to loose by unconditionally considering the practicality of my preference, and that I do not loose myself by letting go of or changing a preference, and thus I commit myself to unconditionally consider and look at my preferences to see whether they are efficient and best for all – or whether there is another way of doing things that are better and more suitable – and thus select and decide upon the preference that is best

When and as I want to hold unto my preference, where I am afraid of loosing it, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that I am not my preferences, that my expression, my self-honesty, and my individuality is not limited by my preferences, and by the way that I usually doing things, and thus I commit myself to embrace the new input coming into my life, and unconditionally question my preferences, with the aim and intention of becoming more efficient and aligned in physical reality


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Day 257: The Ultimate Act of Revenge

When I have been in a quarrel with someone, and I accepted and allowed myself to go into a reaction, and in someway or another vest myself in the conflict, and take it personally, there is an interesting aftermath taking place within me. This aftermath will involve me having various imaginations about sabotaging myself, or my life – where the purpose of this is to make the apparently ‘bad’ (opposing agitator) person feel guilty, and as if he or she really cased me some irreparable damages.

I will take an example: Let’s say I am fighting with a colleague, and afterwards I have this bitterness come up within me, with a tinge of sadness, and self-victimization – and then the thoughts starts to run: Imagining myself crying when the colleague walks by, or imagining myself sitting on a chair, slumping and looking down as he or she pass by, hoping that my colleague will see how much of an impact their ‘bad’ behavior had on me, and that they will in turn feel really guilty and bad about themselves.

If we look at the principle behind this method of taking revenge it is the same as that of suicide. Because what is suicide? It is the ultimate statement of saying to someone that: You are to blame for how I experience myself – now deal with how you ruined my life! And what the one taking his life wants to achieve with this is to really fuck with the other person – and make them regret themselves for the rest of their lives. Hence, it is a method of competition – when you feel have lost the argument – the victimization-personality, where you sabotage yourself to get attention, is the last technique left to defeat your opposition. And I suggest that you read THIS BLOG for more context on suicide.

Looking at the practical mathematics behind this pattern it doesn’t make any sense at all. First of all, we only ever punish ourselves, really, because who will have to stand through, and experience the consequences of our so-called revenge? We do. And will this revenge of ours actually lead to anything of benefit for us, or the other? No, it won’t – it will only serve to fuck up our life and then probably the life of the other as well. Hence it is a completely useless way of approaching conflicts.

What I see as being a solution is to instead of wanting to get back, and take revenge on another for a conflict, or moment that according to our perspective didn’t go very well, is to UNDERSTAND how the conflict was created – and here – most importantly – how WE (ME) contributed in creating the conflict. Because isn’t that what we are trying to avoid with our victimization spectacle? It is all about aversion, and making us innocent and the other person a monster – but the TRUTH is that it always takes two to tango.

So, what is the solution? To embrace our role as co-creators and realize that when we end up in a conflict, when get the lemons of life, most likely, we had something to do with it, and most likely, there is something we can change about ourselves, so that we become more effective in our daily application, and do not create this particular type of event for ourselves again. Hence – the solution is – SELF-RESPONSIBILITY – that is the way to real self-empowerment and actually deciding upon a direction that will have an impact and make a difference in this world – a direction that is best for all.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that fighting, struggling, and trying to get out on top is a valid way of proceeding in a conflict, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the conflict, and think that it forces me to push out, and be heard, and noticed, and that I am forced to utilize emotional tactics to get the other person down on the ground so that I can feel that I won the conflict

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize the self-sabotage-tactic to gain interest from my opponent, and try to make them feel guilty, and hence, going the back route in trying to establish myself as a winner – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this is not a solution – how it doesn’t help me to feel like I am winner, when what I am fact doing is that I am sabotaging my life, and myself, and then on top of that, keeping the conflict going, not finding a middle ground, and way to resolve the conflict in a way that is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize self-sabotage tactics in trying to get my opponent to bend to my will, and go into a state of feeling like a loser, and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with winning, to become obsessed with wanting to be the best, and come out on top, instead of placing my focus on understanding how the conflict came about, so that I can learn from it till next time, and so that I don’t have continue to exist in a state of conflict, and create more conflicts in the future, but so that I can instead create a common ground, a win, win situation that is best for all, and where it’s not about small petty things, such as who won, and who didn’t win, and who should win, and who did what, and who didn’t do what

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame another for creating the conflict, and then using this blame as an excuse for me to go into self-sabotage-mode, where I through using self-sabotage try to come out as a winner in the conflict – instead of understanding how the conflict was created, and within this also understanding, and practicing how I can learn to direct the conflict more effectively if I stand in a similar situation in the future – thus pushing, and commit myself to take full responsibility

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself going into blame, and self-sabotage mode after a conflict, or already when I am in a conflict, I stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that when I go into these experiences, and these moods, I won’t be able to create anything of value or worth for myself – all that will come out of me going into these experiences is that I am going to feel sad, try to get back at another, and then repeat the entire thing because I won’t have learned anything; and thus I commit myself to instead use this moment to reflect on the best way to direct the conflict – to look at HOW I created the conflict and what I can change about myself to prevent such a moment form occurring in the future

When and as I see myself going into blame, and self-victimization, because of a conflict, thinking that another made me feel bad, and sad, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this experience, that my experience in all of this, it will not assist and support me to actually do something with myself, and make the best of the situation, and come out, learning something; thus I commit myself to STOP – and to bring myself back HERE – and to come out of my closet and push myself to LEARN – to UNDERSTAND – to be humble and NOT take the conflict personally – because I realize that when I do – I don’t see what is common sense in clarity

Day 54: Facing Fear of Conflict

Recently I’ve begun to notice a physical unconscious pattern of fear that I go into when I meet people – I tend to experience this when I meet people that I have no former relationship with, and that I do not exactly know how they will behave and act around me.

So, for example – I was out walking just some time ago, and as I was walking down the road I noticed three individuals coming towards me – these individuals where male – so just within noticing them I could notice that I went into a slight heightened awareness, a slight experience of upholding myself, and my presentation – becoming more aware of what position my body is in and how this might seem to someone that looks at me – this was the first point I am able to notice – a slight heightened awareness – almost like a statement of: “oh oh, here comes people – better activate my people-character”.

Then as I came closer to the people I noticed how a fear arose within my solar-plexus – and this fear is particularly in relation to the point of unpredictability with people, and also the fear of not being able to read people – and thus get myself into a situation wherein I am being attacked, or seen by another as less than.

So, as I walked past them I could feel this physical reaction arise within me – and then as I passed them the reaction was gone – and I simply continued to walk.

when_the_sun_goes_down_by_redtweny-d3f2j8aNow – I find it interesting because I am able to relate this particular reaction to what I’ve been writing about the last couple of days – which is the desire for approval, or seeking approval as a form of comfort, and also fear of conflict; and recently I’ve begun to notice just how debilitating fear of conflict, and fear of not being approved is to me, and that it in essence blocks me from expressing myself unconditionally, and with ease in each moment of breath.

Recently I read a blog wherein someone explained that from young we’re educated (if you can call it that) to not show our negative experiences, but to present a fake façade of niceness to everyone; now – this is a particular character that I’ve participated within lot’s, and one of my major fears is to show the negativity within me when I am interacting with people – and this is also one of the points that cause the most conflict within me – because when I do have a negative reaction, I go into a negative reaction towards the negative reaction as I am trying to hide the negative reaction from others – so it’s like a double reaction.

For example – as I walked past these individuals and I noticed the fear coming up, a simultaneous point that came up within me was that: “they must not see how I really experience myself” – so within this I want to make sure that I present a “presentable” exterior to others as someone that is stable, and calm – in fear of being judged as weak if I do not present this stable and calm exterior.

So, here I am able to bring all of this back to myself – to see that really I fear my own reactions, and it’s I that fear to be open and vulnerable with myself and see what I experience – and that I’ve projected this point unto others – but really the point is about me as me fearing to see myself, and be frank with myself.

Obviously it’s completely stupid to react to my own reactions as this doesn’t help to sort them out, it just makes it worse – and the solution is instead to embrace the reactions coming up within me – and to accept and allow myself to see myself without judgment, and to understand that I can’t expect of myself to be this stable, and calm human-being – I mean really – I’ve spent most of my life creating myself to not be a stable and calm human-being thus it’s obvious that it will take some time for me to correct, and walk through these points.

Thus – I will work with this point of reacting to my own reactions, and also the point of fear of conflict, and fear of being bullied that I see that my unconscious fear reaction stems from within – so this is then two points I will be walking through and dealing with in my self-forgiveness.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I am around people go into a heightened state of awareness as a fear-awareness – as a state of preparing myself for the worst – the worst being to end up in a conflict with others, and to be attacked by others – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear, and want to avoid conflict at all costs – and define, and see conflict as something extremely harmful, and bad – and something that I must at all costs not go into but rather present myself as stable, and calm – and make sure that I don’t trigger any form of point in another that might cause a conflict

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that in fearing conflicts I am compromising, and limiting myself in my expression – because I will so to speak – walk on egg-shells around others – being constantly afraid, and worried that my expression might trigger, and unleash a hailstorm of frustration, and anger – and that I will end up in a conflict wherein I am trying to defend, and protect myself from what I perceive to be another’s evil – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breath, and bring myself back here – and too understand that conflict, anger, frustration, disappointment, enervation, disgust, and hatred – these points are not in themselves something to fear – I mean they might go to a point of fearful danger as actual physical danger – yet in themselves they are merely energetic possessions that do not influence me on a physical level – as such nothing to fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize fear as a way of protecting myself from conflict, and to make sure that I am not too open, or too expressive, or too flamboyant – but that I remain cool, and stable – and that I don’t in anyway cause a point of conflict to emerge in my world – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself in my expression, and hold myself back – and not dare to be comfortable, and relaxed, and at ease with myself – as allowing myself to express myself naturally, and comfortably – simply sharing myself within oneness and equality here with another – and not going into a state of fear the moment I meet, and interact with another human being

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that this fear of conflict I’ve accumulated within me is a remnant of the so-called education that I received in my younger years – wherein I learned to fear other human beings, to fear strangers, to fear not being in control, to fear expressing myself unconditionally, to fear being strange and different, to fear sticking out from the group, to fear not being like everyone else – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand how useless this education have in-fact been – and that it’s based upon fear, and anxiety, and assumptions, and interpretations of reality – and not upon facts – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base my relationship with this world, and the people within it upon opinions instead of facts

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to opinions, and disregard facts – opinions being for example fear of conflict – thus opinionating conflict as something bad, and as something that I should avoid – instead of sticking with facts – seeing that conflict is in essence simply two opposing forces that is colliding – thus two perspectives that do not work with each-other – the solution is thus not to fear conflict – but to instead direct the two forces to a mutual point of stability, and understanding – I mean – learning to communicate effectively to as such direct conflicts to a point of solution instead of simply fearing conflicts

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that I’ve demonized conflicts – and that when I’ve seen people in my world go into conflicts, and disagreements – that I’ve judged them, and judged how they express themselves – and seen them as bad people because they’ve gone into conflict instead of remaining cool, breathing, and being relaxed, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bring myself back to the physical and understand that nothing of what is currently here is bad – or wrong – and that it won’t help, and assist to react to what is here – but what will help is to understand what is here, and learn to direct what is here in a way that is best for all – to as such establish a point in this world and reality that is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own reactions, and to fear admitting to myself that I am reacting in believing that reactions, and thoughts, and experiences, are generally speaking bad, and wrong – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not understand that the mind is not bad, or wrong – and I mean seeing what is within me is in-fact practical, and effective – because in allowing myself to recognize what I exist as, and within – I am allowing myself be able to correct myself and the point I am existing within – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop judging what is here – and instead of judging what is here – assist and support myself to correct what is here to what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the ridiculousness of going into fear when I walk past other people – because what do I really fear? I mean – is it even effective to be within a fear even though there was some actual practical point to look out for? I mean – no – because in going into fear – all I think about and experience is my fear – and I am not able to be HERE and see what is going on; such as for example how this person died – that you can here about in this interview – she drowned – and as she was drowning she was trying to swim to the surface but was in too much panic to understand and see what was up and down – thus she swam into the wrong direction – I mean – this point applies not only to panicking in water but to all aspects and dimensions of life – because in going into fear I become irrational and I do not see reality, the physical, and I do not see the solution, the direction that is best for me; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not let go of fear in understanding that fear doesn’t assist and support me but merely serves to hold me back, and hold me in a stagnant position of waiting to be safe before I express myself – instead of understanding that when I let go of the fear to need to feel safe won’t anymore be a issue because I will simply be HERE within and as my human physical body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive fear of conflict, and fear of being bullied as these great mechanisms that I can use in order to become socially effective – thinking that these mechanisms help me to guide me through life and that without them I wouldn’t know how to be, express myself, and interact in my social environment – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question this point – and to ask myself – but hey – is this really in-fact the case? I mean – how come I’ve trusted this fear to be common sense when it’s never in-fact specifically shown me the common sense of it’s existence – it have just come up within me like – BLAAHH!!! Here I am – I am a fear – now obey me!! And as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question these fears and to understand that these fears are not a common sense guideline of how to live effectively but are instead a remnant of my past ineffective education

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that it’s nothing dangerous, or compromising to express myself unconditionally, to allow myself to so to speak be free – in allowing myself to be comfortable, to be at ease, and to be fully here with and as my physical body and express myself within oneness and equality as being DIRECT here – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bring myself back here and to continue to push this point of living within oneness and equality with my human physical body – in understanding that fear is not a natural trait – fear is a cultural creation that has been created through a misunderstanding of physical reality – and a misunderstanding of what it means to live – to live doesn’t mean to live in fear of survival – but to live means to express self here in every moment of breath being so completely in this moment that there is simply HERE – thus in other word’s in-fact being alive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand how I am limiting myself through not embracing the probability of conflict – and through not standing in such a position within me that I trust myself that I’ll be able to direct the conflict if a conflict emerge – because I mean – I understand that conflicts are not dangerous – conflicts are merely points of two colliding forces and that this point must be directed within oneness and equality – and as such it’s merely as any other moment that opens up here – and that the moment requires to be directed; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice directing what is here – instead of fearing what is here – seeing that learning to direct, and trusting myself that I’ll be able to direct what is here – is in-fact a self-empowering solution – while fearing what is here is a self-victimizing point of escapism as not wanting to take responsibility for what is here in this world

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I around other people go into a heightened state of awareness, as a fear-awareness as a state of preparing myself for the worst – as conflict, or being bullied; I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that I am within going into – and allowing myself to be possessed by this state of fear – not allowing myself to live – to express myself – and to be here in this moment and be here with the point that is here – which might be to get to know someone, or direct a specific point that I’d like to be directed for me world, and reality to be more effective; as such I commit myself to stop fearing conflict, and being bullied, as being called names, and yelled at; and I instead commit myself to embrace what is here and stand equal to all probabilities – and simply instead of fearing what is here – learn to direct what is here within oneness and equality as breath

When and as I see that I am going into a fear in relation to energetic possessions such as hate, disgust, disappointment, anger, frustration, and enervation – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that these points are nothing to fear because they do not imply that I am in fearful danger – as such I am not in actual physical danger – I am not to actually physically be harmed; as such I commit myself to breath and to stand within oneness and equality with that particular energetic possession – and instead of fearing the point – learn and perfect to direct the point to a solution that is best for all

When and as I see that I go into a state of holding myself back, as so to speak watching my tongue from a starting point of fear, worrying that if I am too express myself unconditionally, and without anxiety – that this will trigger a point of conflict, and that anger will emerge, or enervation, and that I will become subject to another’s wrath – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand how it doesn’t help me to direct the point – and to live – when I go into this particular fear – I mean all that happens is that I suppress myself and really kill myself as self-expression and then I hope that a conflict won’t emerge – instead of me expressing myself naturally and then learning to direct conflicts effectively and remaining stable within myself in facing and directing conflicts in my world

When and as I see that I go into fear automatically as I meet other people, as thinking that I must fear them because they are “strangers” and they “can’t be trusted” – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – I mean – yet they can’t be trusted yet this is not a reason to go into fear – it’s simply to see that it’s stupid to trust people without them having proved their integrity; as such I commit myself to not anymore confuse not trusting another with fear – because I am still able to be stable and effective here in my breath-movement whether, or whether not I trust another

When and as I see that I go into fear of conflict, and that I am opinionating conflict as being something “bad” and “wrong” – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that conflict is neither bad, neither good – it’s in-fact simply a physical point of colliding forces – that requires direction – as such I commit myself to establish a stability within me and a effectiveness in directing conflicts through practicing when conflicts emerge to stand stable and speak within common sense, clarity, and stability – to as such not anymore fear, or try to avoid conflicts but instead learn to direct them effectively

When and as I see that I am judging, or demonizing conflict, or any other form of expression in this world, or something the emerge within me – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that the solution is not to demonize, is not to judge, is not to be a moralist of right and wrong – but the solution is to understand and to be able to direct the points that emerge within me; as such the solution is to develop solutions for points and direct them; as such I commit myself to focus on solutions instead of right and wrong – to focus on common sense direction instead of right and wrong

When and as I see that I go into a state of judging what appears within me, and in this case judging fear – and reacting to the fear in fear of showing to others that I react in fear – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that I mean judging what is here is unnecessary – because in judging what is here I will not in-fact learn to direct the point, but the point will continue to simply be a unresolved point within me – as such I commit myself to focus upon solutions, to focus upon directing what emerge within me – instead of judging what emerges within me – and wanting to hide, and escape from what emerge within and as me

When and as I see that I want to hold unto fear because I believe that it protects me, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that fear makes me irrational, fear clouds my judgment and unable me to see effective solutions with clarity; as such I commit myself to stop fear – and instead focus upon stability and being HERE and even though I am facing a situation with lot’s of pressure – to still not go into fear but to focus upon stability and directing the situation within and as common sense as what is best for all

When and as I see that I trust a fear that comes up within me as being a effective guideline for me to use to be socially effective in my world, and reality – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that there is obviously no proof what-so-ever that a fear would make me more socially effective – in-fact fear simply unable me from expressing myself effectively, being open, vulnerable, and receptive – and instead I close myself and simply become this reactive automaton that acts in fear of survival; thus I commit myself to develop my own guidelines as common sense in social interactions – and to use these instead of fear – as such trusting myself instead of trusting fear

When and as I perceive fear as indicating to me what is dangerous, what I should avoid, and what I shouldn’t avoid – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that I can’t trust fear – I can’t rely upon fear – fear is a program that comes up automatically without any form of effective reasoning – it’s not to be trusted; as such I commit myself to utilize common sense in my world as a my starting point of self-direction – and as such direct myself within and as effective common sense reasoning instead of fear

When and as I see that I want to avoid conflicts instead of directing conflicts within common sense as what is best for all – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that in wanting to avoid conflicts I won’t be effective in this world and it will naturally cause me to compromise myself, and go into self-suppression instead of directing myself here – thus the solution is not avoidance but facing the point and learning to direct the point effectively; as such I commit myself to develop effective conflict-direction-skills through practicing being stable, not taking a conflict personally, and focusing upon common sense as a solution that is best for all

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