Tag Archives: discipline

Day 385: Structuring Life, What Have I Realized Thus Far?

I have now for a while been practicing living the word STRUCTURE. Thus far I have come to see, realize and understand a couple of things in relation to living this word. Firstly, in order to be able to live structure it is important to follow through on my plans – because structuring my life through using timetables, calendars and to-do-lists is only worthwhile if I actually commit myself to follow these. Hence, the word/expression ‘follow-through’ I have found to be very important.

Closely related to ‘follow-through’ is discipline. I have realized that it takes discipline to live structure. For me, this is because I have a tendency to become too impulsive and spontaneous, and sometimes, motivated by stress/anxiety to try and take on and do all things at the same time. Utilizing discipline however, I can push myself to remain consistent and true to my plans – which helps me to remain earthed/practical/rational with regards to how I use my time. With Structure, I can create an overview, however it takes discipline to then stick to the small steps which I have mapped out from that ‘overview’ position – because when I am in the middle of everything – it is easy to get sidetracked and digress.

Living and standing as the word structure is thus a combination of many different words and expressions. This is what makes it challenging to live structure – and especially for me – the challenge has been remain true to my initial commitments. Hence, when I have noticed that I digress, I have applied a technique where I stop up, slow myself down, and breathe for a few moments, and then I return to that point of having a overview, and from there, I look at what is required to be done next. And usually, what causes me to digress is some form of feeling or emotional, where suddenly, I experience something different as very relevant to pursue, though when looking at the point objectively, with clarity, that urge/stress is in-fact not real.

I have also found that structure is not only about time, planning and what happens in my external reality. Structure can also be applied within me. For example, making a decision to always apply self-forgiveness upon, and direct internal experiences as they arise, that is a type and form of structure/platform. Or, simply writing a self-commitment statement, where I specify how to deal with and direct myself in relation to a certain point, that is a form of structure. Thus – structure is an expansive word – that can be lived in a variety of ways – and thus far – I have primarily explored it in the context of work/career – however I do see a lot of potential with regards to living the word in other parts of my life as well.

 


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Day 263: Making Commuting Worthwhile

In life we sometimes face these moments in time where it is difficult, it is hard, and tiresome. We for example run out of money, or lose our job. Or we hurt ourselves in someway so that we are not capable of handling our reality as effectively as before. For me, this bad/uncomfortable experience has opened up in relation to me applying for, and getting a job, where it is required for me to commute.

I have never been a big fan of commuting. Whenever I have had the possibility to avoid commuting, I have, though now, due to decisions and commitments that I have made, I am in a situation where I am forced/pushed to take on and walk the point of commuting – and this has opened up some fascinating insights into the art of self-creation.

train stationWhat has now happened is that my surrounding reality has changed, I have walked into a door/time/moment in my life where there is a certain physical discomfort, which comes through as having to commute. Now, what I have understood is that in walking into this challenge, there are basically two ways I can approach it. There is the approach of accepting and allowing my environment to define me. This would be where I complain, I become depressed, and sad about the state and condition of my life, and I start to generate, and create emotional experiences. This is the way where I will not learn anything at all – and instead of becoming more proficient and effective in my physical living, I will devolve, and become less than what I was before.

Then there is the second way of approaching challenges/hardships/difficulties – and this is the way where I decide who I am in relation to the point – and I decide to look for solutions and what I can do to assist and support myself to enhance my life, and what I can develop and learn from the difficulty that I am facing.

Thus, I have asked myself the question, and looked at, what is it that I can learn from, take from this challenge I am facing with commuting. I have found that commuting in-fact offers a plethora of opportunities of self-creation. For example, I have found that I can use the commuting time to practicing remaining here with my breath, and my physical body, and practicing being stable even though the world around me is hectic, and tumultuous. And – I have also practiced using the time of commuting to slow down, to let go off, and release the day at work, to look at whether there were any reactions, and then accept and allow myself to let them go, and bring myself back here to and as my human physical body.

Another gift that I have found that I can create, and practice with my commuting, is stability, consistency, and self-discipline. Because it takes discipline to get up early in the morning, when it is dark and cold outside, and then push you to leave for the train – it takes will power and determination. Hence, through facing this difficulty in my commute, I get to practice living these words, and thus I enhance my self-discipline, and character in other parts of my life as well.

So, what I want to share with this blog is that in ALL adversities, difficulties, and challenges, there are gifts – and if you cannot see them – it just means that you have not created them yet. Because we do have the power to redefine, to change, and to alter our view of things, how we approach and relate to our reality – and that is what determines everything. When we change who we are towards our reality, our reality will change as well – and it is truly amazing what can be created and experienced even in the most meager of conditions. There is a potential for improvement everywhere – we must simply take up the challenge and walk our decision into creation.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to how my environment is, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress and hold myself back, and accept and allow my environment, and what is around me to define me, how I experience myself, and my movement, and direction in life – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I can change how I experience myself, that I can change how I feel within me, and that I can redefine situations, and make difficult/challenging situations something worthwhile, and cool to be part off that can actually contribute to my life and who I am instead of destroying me, my life, and who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how there is in-fact a lot to be learnt, and many gifts to be acquired in commuting, and even though it feels difficult and hard, there are many things that I can practice, and change about myself, and develop within and as myself in commuting – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the commuting as an opportunity for me to grow and expand, to move and develop myself, and not accept and allow myself to be defined by the reactions of and as the mind, and the environment that I find myself in

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I can learn to relax when I commute, to practice really letting go within myself, taking a breath, and accepting and allowing myself to rejuvenate, and I see, realize and understand that this is a gift that I can give to myself, to nurture and develop within commuting

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not utilize my moments of commuting to living the word observation, and accept and allow myself to observe the other commuters, and to see the details, and the hidden stories that exists, and also use this moment to get to know other people, and what they go through on a daily basis in order to secure their income – and within this also see, realize and understand that I am not alone in having to commute – that there are tons of people doing it every day – where it is not supportive for them, or where they are in their lives

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not utilize my moments of commuting to practicing self-discipline, practicing self-discipline in keeping the times, in getting up in the mornings, in moving myself to get on my train, and then move forward into my day, and within this also practicing to remain stable, and grounded, even though my daily life contains many physical obstacles and challenges

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the commute will be what I make it to be, that I can create something supportive out of it, or I can react to it, and make it a problem – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not find solutions, and to make something supporting and assisting in my life, something that I can take with me into the future, and something that will add to my character, and my life, and that will benefit not only me, but the people in meet in my future as well

Self-commitment

I commit myself to make my commuting a gift, to develop myself through it, and to assist and support myself through it – and thus I commit myself to in my commuting develop the skills of relaxing, of observation, and self-discipline, and perfect these skills in my commute, and thus I commit myself to not see my commuting as a problem, and as something to avoid, but as moments in my day where I can apply myself, create and build myself to become a better me

I commit myself to make the most of my commuting, and within this I commit myself to be the directive principle in my life, and thus not accept and allow my environment to define who I am, and how I experience myself – I instead commit myself to decide that my time commuting will be a supportive gift that enhances my life – I will make the best out of it and see what I can create in this situation that will be best for all

Day 261: Creating Movement – Part 5: Practical Solutions for Resistance

In this blog we are going to look closer at some practical solutions for resistance, that I have found works effectively. There are four applications that I have discovered helps a lot when that resistance comes up from within – and I will be walking through them in order.

Be clear on you new direction

The first solution is to be clear on your direction. In order to be able to walk through that tough, and difficult moment, when the resistance comes up, and you do not feel like doing anything, it is important that you have your direction in place. Basically this means the following: You know WHY you are changing, you know HOW you are going to change, you know WHAT will happen if you do not change (consequences) and you know WHAT will happen if you change (rewards).

If you are not clear on these points within yourself, you are going to find it much easier to give in, and give up when the resistance towards movement comes up from within. The reason for this being that you have not established a purpose, and reason for yourself, you are trying to change something, yet you are not entirely clear on why, how and what you are changing. Thus, my suggestion is that you sit down with yourself, and write out your reasons for changing.

Lets take an example from my own life, my law-studies. Now I experienced resistance towards studying and reading the course literature, though I knew that I had to do it in order to be able to pass my exams. Thus, I wrote about the point and established the following: I am changing this resistance into actually reading my books BECAUSE (why) I want to be able to earn my living as a lawyer. I will change this resistance through (how) sitting down and reading my books for two hours every day. If I do not do this for myself, I might not be able to pass my exams, and thus I cannot become a lawyer (consequence). Though if I do sit down and read the literature, I will pass my exams, and be able to have a enjoyable and challenging job in my future (reward).

Placing it before myself in this way I was able to clearly see the value in changing myself, and why I had to do it – and this helped me to push through in those moments when I did not feel like reading or putting down any time in my education.

Stick with your body

The next solution is to Stick With Your Body. Now, what does that mean? Well, look at it this way: Resistance is a energy that comes up from within, telling you to act and behave in a certain way – and this energy will feel real and overpowering when you go into it, start feeding it, paying attention to it, and change yourself according to it. But, if we take a look at your physical body – you will see that regardless of the resistance that comes up within you, it will still be there, the heart will still be beating, lungs and breathing working perfectly – most parts of the body will be stable, still and the same as before the resistance – and this is important to notice.

Resistance as such does not affect the body and instead the body moves itself on the basis of practical considerations, and if it would not do that – we would be dead a long time ago. Thus, if you, instead of going into the resistance energy, place your focus and attention on your breathing, and the sensations of your physical body – this will allow you to use the body as a point of grounding/stabilization. And when you stand with the body, on the ground, you are going to notice a fascinating thing: The resistance does not have power over you – it is only a energy – and regardless of its intensity you are still able to decide on how you move within and as your human physical body.

To sum it up: The body/physical matter transcends resistance – and when you stand with the body – you will be able to use its stability and groundedness to support yourself to move through the resistance and come out on the other side.

Know your enemy

The third solution is to know your enemy, and with this I do not mean that you should go into war with resistance and your mind – no – what I mean is that it is important to understand how resistance moves, and when it moves. My observations on this point is that resistance moves in quickly, and will peak after a while, but if you continue to move through the resistance, it will run out of fuel and die out. As such – resistance does not last – it has a due date and if you stick to your guns, and continue to move, resistance does not stand a chance.

Accordingly it has been supportive to me to, every time a resistance comes up within me, say to myself that: ‘Okay, here are you resistance – though you will not be here for ever!’ – and then I continue to push and walk through the experience. This helps because you get to understand that even though it feels overwhelming and tough, there will come a moment when the resistance is going to dissipate and you will be home through.

And then – its also supportive to know WHEN the resistance usually arise, because then you will be prepared, you will know what is coming, so that you can implement your new direction immediately as you sense that lingering urge to just not do whatever it is that you are supposed to be doing.

Just do it

The last point, and possibly the most potent of all the solutions I have walked through, and by far the most simplistic, is to: Just do it. No rocket science here – though fascinatingly enough – we tend to forget this fact and instead of moving, and directing ourselves in the physical, we start asking ourselves why we do not change, if there is something we have missed, or if there is something wrong with us, because we just cannot seem to change. I am here to tell you that there is nothing wrong with you; all you have to do is to do it. When you resist something, you take a breath, and move yourself to do it. It cannot be simpler.

So, when you find that you are wondering, or looking at potential reasons as to why you are not becoming more disciplined, then you know that ‘Shit! I am not actually DOING it!’ – and this serves as a nice alarm to know that its now time for you to get on with the doing – stop thinking about it – Just do it!

Next blog

So, these are my four practical solutions for dealing with resistance. Test them out, play around with them, and see what works for you. Maybe you will find that a combination of the applications or slightly changed application will work better for you. Transcending and learning to direct resistance is a personal process, and thus what works for me, does not necessarily have to work for you – though at least you know have some basic tools that you are able to start with.

In my next blog I am going to go into and explain the Rewards that come when you start moving through resistance, and begin your life of self-creation – it is a truly remarkable experience and the blog will definitely be worth reading.

Creating Movement – Part 1: Introduction
Creating Movement – Part 2: How laziness is created – external causes
Creating Movement – Part 3: How Laziness is Created – Internal Causes
Creating Movement – Part 4: Learning To Handle Resistance
Creating Movement – Part 5: Practical Solutions for Resistance
Creating Movement – Part 6: Baby Steps To Change
Creating Movement – Part 7: The Rewards

Day 258: Creating Movement – Part 4: Learning To Handle Resistance

In my past blogs in the Creating Movement Series I have gone into my own history with laziness, and also looked at some of the causes behind this particular mind construct. In this blog I will start to go through the practical solutions that I applied to walk through and direct laziness, and transform it into motivation, discipline and steadfastness. From my own experience, in order to change laziness, one of the most important points to get to grips with, and become comfortable with directing is resistance – because when you decide to change laziness into something more productive – you will face resistance and lots of it.

The usual and learned response to resistance is to simply back off – if we resist something it means bad news, discomfort, and pain. This is unfortunate, because as a matter of fact, any form of change is nearly always accompanied with resistance. In-fact this resistance can be seen in nature, as a natural law, when a object is in motion, and you try to stop it, and move it in another direction, you will experience that physical force fighting with you, until you stop it, and then move it in the direction that you want it. All motion has a force to it, and when we try to change it, there will be a period of discomfort – the same goes with changing laziness into motivation, self-discipline, and steadfastness.

Thus, the first point to master is resistance. And in the beginning of my process of changing laziness I experienced immense amounts of resistance the moment I stood before an opportunity to act, or I faced a responsibility that I had to tend to. There was not a single cell in my body that wanted to move forward, and with each step that I took, my body felt heavier, and heavier. It felt as if the only right thing to do was to go back to the sofa or bed, to simply not change this laziness, because the thought emerged: How can I ever push through this resistance, how can I ever become effective, and productive, when this heavy experience is following me with every step that I take?

Resistance however, even though it might feel intolerable, and create the illusion that it is impossible to go any further, will pass; it will lessen, and eventually disappear. This is due to the nature of resistance, because in essence resistance is energy – and no energy has a substance and solidity that can be compared with that of the human physical body. Thus physical self-directed movement will always come out on top of the resistance, though to reach that transcendence – you will have to walk through the moment when it feels impossible. The fascinating thing is that when you push through that experience of ‘it is impossible – I can not go on any more!’ – you will see that it is only a thought, only a illusion conjured by the mind, and that it is in-fact possible to move forward, to move ahead, even though it feels impossible.

So, when the resistance comes up, it helps a lot to have this understanding, that eventually the resistance will settle, and then you will be able to do what you set out to do without any experience hindering your progress. It is so fascinating to look back at my past, and see how much it was that I resisted: I resisted cleaning, resisted writing, resisted school, resisted reading, resisted exercise, resisted being social, etc. Today, there is none, or very slight resistance towards these things – why? Because I consistently pushed myself through the resistance, I consistently reprogrammed myself, and decided for myself that resistance is not going to hold me back – I will push through it when it comes up – and thus resistance lost its meaning and purpose – there is no room for resistance anymore because I have replaced it with words/expressions that are beneficial for myself, and others – such as motivation, self-discipline, and steadfastness.

As such – we are all able to push through resistance. Though, it does take practice, and I myself have fallen many times, given up, given in, went to bed, slept over, because I felt overpowered by the resistance. And here is another thing to remember, that it does not help to be hard on yourself when you fall, rather, stand up again, look at why the fall occurred – and move forward. Eventually you will not fall anymore, though there is a process to be walked until one is able to get to that point where the trust exists within self that each time resistance comes up – I will push through.

In my next blog I will walk through the Practical Solutions that I have found for handling and directing resistance.

Creating Movement – Part 1: Introduction
Creating Movement – Part 2: How laziness is created – external causes
Creating Movement – Part 3: How Laziness is Created – Internal Causes
Creating Movement – Part 4: Learning To Handle Resistance
Creating Movement – Part 5: Practical Solutions for Resistance
Creating Movement – Part 6: Baby Steps To Change
Creating Movement – Part 7: The Rewards

Day 195: What Are We Waiting For?

In reading this blog as well as listening to this interview – I’ve come to realize some very cool points that I will now take into application in my life.

So, what I’ve realized is in essence that I’ve been waiting in relation to actually taking the step into the unknown – committing myself fully to my process of self-change and actually walking through it – and I see that a point that have contributed to this is the idea and belief that I am not able to walk this process of change – that I am not able to change and birth myself as life from the physical.

Though, obviously – I am able to do this – and the reason I can say this is because I’ve everything I will ever need at my disposal – I’ve the tools – self-forgiveness – self-writing – and self-commitment statements – I’ve a functional human physical body – I am breathing and I’ve a functional mental capacity – thus – there are no excuses and there are no justifications why I shouldn’t make it the purpose and focus of each day to bring through the potential that I know I am able to live.

After listening to the interview I recapitulated my process – I looked at what I am facing within – what I’ve been working with for an extended period of time – and where it is crucial that I push myself to actually change for real – and I see that the time of preparation in regards to these points is DONE – I’ve prepared myself – I’ve laid the foundation – I’ve walked the writing – I’ve walked the self-forgiveness – and now it’s time to bring this into physical application – and to take my self-commitment statements into living – and make my spoken and written wordliving words.

Thus – I’ve committed myself to make the primary point of attention in process to live my practical commitment statements – to get back to the basics and walk through these persistent and nagging points – that I’ve not yet fully pushed myself to transcend – that I’ve still in a way waited for to change – not realizing that when the points arise within me – I must stand as that point of movement that makes the decisions – that I will the point into physical manifestation and change – the only one that is able to do this is MYSELF – so – practical application – practical change – practical movement – being practical – and engaging in my process practically – that will for the time being be a priority.

And I see that it’s not that this practical application part of process is particularly difficult or tough – not more tough than other parts and aspects of process – it’s just that – I’ve never done it – I’ve never fully committed myself to it and walked it – and that is what I must do – to actually get my hands dirty – do it – do it – make the mistakes – and then – perfect the point – so that I establish this point of taking my self-commitment statements into practical physical application.

One of my primary motivations in doing this is that I realize what an opportunity that I’ve – that there is potential for me to create myself – and that I don’t want to under any circumstances look back at myself and my life – when I die – and realize that I didn’t give it my all – thus I take preventive measures and make sure that I give this my all – every day – every breath – push through and walk the point – until it’s done.

Persistency – Consistency – Steadfastness in Self-movement – those are the keys for real change to be birthed from the physical.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not align myself within and as persistency, consistency and steadfastness – standing fast in my determination to walk this point through – to apply myself and walk this process to the best of my ability

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear giving this process and myself – my everything and all – in fearing that my best and to the fullest of my ability won’t be enough – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to half-ass myself through my process believing that it won’t be enough when I give it my all – and also thinking that it will take too much effort – and be uncomfortable and too much if I give this process my all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not wake up each day with a clear intent and motivation to bring forth change on a practical on physical level in myself and in my world – with a clear intent and motivation to push through and move myself through the difficult and tough points that I’ve been working with – and seeing, realizing and understanding that I am able to do this – that it’s about me aligning myself within that clear intent and determination that I do possess – and that I must re-direct into process and into bringing through physical practical change on a daily basis and not stopping – not holding back and not quitting – until this is done

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not develop and strengthen my spirit – my ability to stand – to support myself and practically apply myself when I face tough and difficult shit within me – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice this point through the application of when a reaction emerge within – to immediately ask – where did this come from? How did I create this? And then look at solutions – to apply self-forgiveness on the point and immediately move myself out from the energy – to use breath to support myself to step out of the character and get into the physical here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that this is my last life – and that when I die – I will be measured – and I will stand before myself and ask myself – what did I do? Did I give this my all and everything? And within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in that moment I want to see with full certainty and surety that – yes – I did absolutely everything in my power to move myself – to expand – to correct myself – to live my words into the physical – and that I did take this opportunity and I made the most of it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I must create myself as the character of life – that I must bring into existence those characteristics that I see that I must have and live in order to walk this process and birth myself as life from the physical – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that walking this process half-assed – walking it without really meaning it – walking it without really wanting it – it’s meaningless and waste of time – because I won’t get anywhere – in order to actually expand – in order to actually move – in order to actually develop myself and stand – I must mean it – and I must live it fully

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that common characteristic of people that have produced marvelous results with their lives is that they gave it their all – they didn’t waver or give up – but kept on pushing regardless of what issues – challenges or difficulties that they faced – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not align myself with that same intensity and will – with that same spirit and power to push through and move myself – and produce results regardless of what I am facing – and stand steadfast within myself in understanding that walking process and producing self-change is a matter of accumulation – is a matter of remaining consistent throughout time – and walking the correction and the direction that I’ve placed for myself until I stand – until I’m in a position where I am stable and sound and there is not anymore any movement within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become spoiled with the tools of self-forgiveness, writing, and self-commitment statements, and in that use them half-assed – instead of when I sit down to do my writing – when I sit down to do my self-forgiveness – to be fully and totally here – to do it completely and absolutely – and to be here in the physical and walk the point with presence of breath – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and recognize the opportunity that these tools represent – the opportunity that living these tools in the physical represent – and that all the answers – and that the life I’ve been looking for – that it’s before me – and that all I have to do is to stop waiting – and simply step up and take these tools to their fullest potential through living them practically – and doing that consistently day-by-day – until it’s done

Self-commitment statements

I commit myself to each day wake up with a clear intent and motivation that I am walking my process – this is why I am here on earth – to birth myself as life from the physical – and thus I will use this day that is before me to fully apply myself – to stop myself when I notice I go into thoughts, emotions or feelings – to remain here with my breath and practice stabilizing myself in the physical – and to make sure that I do my writing – and that I walk my Desteni I Process course – and that I use the support-platforms that are here at my disposal for me to embrace and make my own

I commit myself to stop waiting and make each day a complete and fulfilling day – through taking the tools and my practical application to it’s fullest potential – through being HERE – and applying myself – taking my practical commitment statements into physical living – and creating myself as life from the physical – and walking this point until it’s done

Day 142: More Discipline

Today I am going to look at my tendency to go into fear of survival in relation to the future – and I have already written about this point quite extensively, as well as applied self-forgiveness, and specified a self-corrective application – thus: today I must look at specifically why it is that I haven’t stuck with my decisions – as well as refine my self-corrective application – so that the next time I am facing this particular fear point – that I immediately go to my self-correction and that I direct the point.

Let’s first look at the context of how the fear entered into my mind initially. I was talking to a person in my world about job opportunities, and this person notified me that for youngsters with the same education as me, it’s apparently quite difficult to get a job. So, in that moment as this was being said, I entered into a fear within myself, an anxiety that I wouldn’t be able to get a job, which then led me to start imagining, and then to start saving myself and my future in this imagination. Thus, what I see that I should’ve done, was to immediately in that moment, to stop myself, to bring myself back here to and as the physical, and say – NO – I will not go into and as that fear – I will not go into and as that anxiety – I will not follow the mind – I will remain here with and as my human physical body.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not in the moment as the fear arise within me, and as the whispering reason comes up within me, as to why I apparently should go into fear, that I immediately in that moment stop myself, that I immediately in that moment bring myself back here, and I immediately apply self-forgiveness on the point, and I breathe through the reaction, and I do not accept and allow myself to make any decision or form my future from within and as this experience of fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not utilize the tools of self-forgiveness, and self-corrective application, to in the moment as this fear of the future arise within me, that I immediately take a breath, and I bring myself back here, and I move myself through the reaction, and I do not accept and allow myself to in anyway be swayed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that feelings, and emotions, particularly fear, is like these temptations coming up within me, asking me to follow them, asking me to come with them, and me to align with them, because apparently I am safe with them, much more safe than what I’d be with and by myself – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath, bring myself back here, and say no to the temptations, and instead make the decision to earth myself, to be physical here, within and as my human physical body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I require to be disciplined and strict with myself, and that I will be tested by the mind, as the reactions will come up, and they will allure me with these tempting reasons as to why I should go into the reaction, why I should go into the fear, why I should give up on my decision, and my principles, and just leave them by the roadside, and go into and as a complete possession – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that these are moments of truth so to speak, that it’s in these moments that I require to push myself, to stand through the wave, to walk through the wave, and not accept and allow myself to be swayed or toppled

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the real test whether I’ve actually transcended, and moved through a pattern is when I am faced with the pattern, and I stand through, and move through it, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not discipline myself even further in terms of fear, and anxiety reaction, to each time there is a notion of such a thought, or reaction coming up within me, that I immediately stop, that I do not accept and allow myself to follow that thought, to follow that reaction, but that I in that moment do myself the greatest favor, and I apply the tools, I live the tool of self-forgiveness, and I correct myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be honest with myself, and recognize when and as I’ve gone into a fear possession, which I am able to see by the way I communicate, by which questions I ask, by my general thoughts, wherein everything is directed unto me stabilizing and making sure that my future will be predictable and that it will contain money – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not when I notice this pattern coming up within me, when I notice that I am going into a physical state, and a physical possession of fear, that I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I correct myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that self-forgiveness is useless I in-fact live it – and thus – in relation to this fear point – I commit myself to make my self-forgiveness worthwhile – through disciplining myself to remain here and not go into the fear – not go into the experience – but instead remain here

Self-commitments

When this fear of the future come up within me, as a sneaky thought, or a emotion, trying to get my attention, and get me into a pattern of looking at and attempting to protect myself from my future, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that I require and have to in this moment CHANGE – which I do through NOT FOLLOWING the point coming up within me, and thus I commit myself to live discipline, and live steadfastness – and stick with my decision to not go into this fear but instead remain here with and as my human physical body – with and as breath

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Day 97: Physical Decision Making

A fascinating point that I’ve more clearly begun to see during to last couple of days is that of how I accept and allow another’s words, actions and living effect my own words actions and living, and that this happens on a automatic basis, wherein I simply do not question or make a self-directed decision whether, or whether not I should live a particular point, or decide upon a particular point, I simply do it.

120620-Decision-Fatigue-300x300So, I mean, bringing this point back to it’s origin, I am able to see that the main problem I’m faced with is my tendency to follow energy, to follow experience, to follow the mind, instead of sticking with the physical, sticking with breath, sticking with slowing down, and considering all points here, and not accepting and allowing myself to make rash decisions based upon a experience. So, the point isn’t real about me becoming manipulated and moved by the words of another, it’s about me becoming moved and manipulated by my own mind – a energy comes up and then without question, without any form of standing aback to take a closer look at the point, I just go with it.

It’s definitely a form of impulsiveness, simply because I follow impulses, I follow what comes up within me as a experience, as a thought, as a energy, and I do not consider what is REAL, PHYSICAL, PRACTICAL, TANGIBLE – I mean I do not consider what is in-fact here.

It’s really fascinating – even more fascinating is how I can in moments believe that I am making a decision that is “good” for me, I am making a decision that is “effective” for me – but the reality is that what I am deciding upon is simply a energy, my decision has got nothing to do with what is in-fact real, and thus my decision is in essence compromised – because I’ve not looked at what is real, but I’ve only looked at what I experience.

So, it’s interesting, a good decision doesn’t necessarily feel good, I mean the obvious point to realize is that a good decision shouldn’t have any form of feeling or emotion attached to it, it should simply be a decision – I see this, I’ve considered this, I’ve looked at this, I decide – done. This form of decision-making is the only one that can be trusted, because it allows no room for energy – and the primary problem with energy is that in making decisions within a energy – you only consider the energy, the experience, how you feel – and within that important considerations are missed, important points are looked away from, and instead the focus becomes on the experience.

Here I see that the only solution is self-honesty – it’s to when one make a decision, to assess why is this decision made, is there a experience within me driving me, are there points I am not considering? Have everything been considered or am I moving myself within an energy, within an experience? The primary point being to QUESTION one’s decision – and not just accept anything that comes up within self as being real simply because it feels good, or bad.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make decisions in energy, in experience, in belief, wherein I look at how I feel, how I experience myself, whether I feel good or bad about the decision, whether I experience fear or a feeling towards the decision, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand how this way of making decisions is totally, and completely ineffective – wherein I am accepting and allowing myself to move from within and as a starting point energy, that in turn will have the effect that I compromise important points, I do not consider what is required to be considered, I just jump to conclusions and “go for it” – which obviously leads to me to make decisions that are simply not effective but rather consequential

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create myself as a “impulsive” nature – and see myself as impulsive, as making decisions fast and without really considering them, and seeing that as “who I am” – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question who I am within and as myself, and to see, realize and understand that this point of being impulsive is in-fact programming, and that the consequence of being impulsive is that I make decisions that are ineffective, I make decisions that are not clear, I make decisions that are consequential, I make decisions that have an effect in my world that I could easily foreseen if I’d just slowed down and made a more substantial consideration of the point before I moved myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that going into energy, and feeling good about a decision means that the decision is good, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that I can’t trust what I feel – I can rely upon what I feel – and that in a making a decision what I must look at is the actual physical outflows, and that my effectiveness in foreseeing the consequences of my decision will only be as effective as my ability to research relevant information, and to analyze the relevant information, to look at how it moves, and to make predictions based upon probabilities and possibilities

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not change my starting point in relation to decisions so that I make decisions that are effective in relation to what it is that I want to achieve, and realizing that all decisions must have a particular starting point else they will be hard to make – because it’s in establishing the starting point, as to what I want to achieve with the decision, that I will be able to look at my world and in reality and make a decision that will create the best possible environment for me to be able to walk through my decision into reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into and as energy in relation to making decisions, wherein I make decisions based upon how I feel, be it fear, or be it feeling – not considering the consequences of my decisions, the outflows of my decisions, the actual and real part of my decisions which is how I influence my life, the life of others, how I influence life on a greater scale – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not slow myself down before making decisions, to not slow myself down before participating in a particular point, to as such give myself the stability, and ability to make a decision as to who I am, and what I am – to make a decision as to whether I will participate or not – as to whether I will make a decision or not

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to become self-directed – meaning that I stand as the decision-maker in my life in every moment of breath, I decide who I am, I decide what I am, I decide when I am, I decide how I am – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand as this decision maker within myself wherein I push myself to slow down, to consider all points, to consider myself, to look at the point and not just go with the flow, not just do what I feel, do what I experience, do what I want – but that I slow down and consider

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that impulsive decision-making have the consequence that I will create a life for myself wherein I have really no control, I have no actual insight and understanding into what it is that I am doing, I am just doing something, walking something, participating in something, without an actual sound starting point as seeing clearly what it is that I am doing; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and bring myself back here – and within this I accept and allow myself to slow down, to take that breath, to look inside myself, to look into myself, to question where it is that I am coming from, to question where it is that I am going, to not just accept what is coming up within me but to make sure that I am directive and stable within and as my decisions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make decisions on a whim instead of realizing that in making decision on a whim I am not considering all relevant points, I am not considering and looking at points effectively, I am just making a decision on a whim because I feel like it – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand the limited nature of feelings and emotions – and how in looking at and moving myself from a starting point of emotions as what I feel and experience the consequence is that I won’t in-fact be able to create a life for myself that is effective – all will be motivated by experience, all will be motivated by energy, and never will I’ve taken into account what is real and actual as the physical

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I make decisions, to assess decisions based on how I feel about them, to think, perceive, and believe that when I feel really good about a decision, then it means that it’s a good decisions, and to when I feel really fearful, or bad about a decision, this means it’s a bad decision; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that I can’t possibly evaluate the effectiveness of decisions upon the basis of how I feel about them, simply because I can’t trust what I feel about decisions, I can’t trust what I experience in relation to decisions, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to take the entire decision making process back to a physical level – wherein I look at the actual physical real time points that are involved within a decision – and then make an assessment as to what decision would be the best looking at the most effective outflows of each and every decision

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am about to make a rash decision, and when I see that I am about to move myself upon the basis of a feeling, or emotion, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here to and as my human physical body – and I see, realize, and understand that I can’t move myself from within and as this possession of energy because it will only create consequences, it will only create outflows as me creating a life for myself this is not effective because it’s not based upon an actual physical assessment of my situation; as such I commit myself to slow down when making decisions, and make sure that my decision is based on actual physical considerations and not upon any form or experience of energy

When and as I see that I am evaluating and looking at decisions from a basis of energy, wherein I value a decision either as positive, or as negative, depending on how I feel about it, and how I experience myself in relation to the point, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that I can’t trust my assessment of a decision when it’s done within energy, I mean the only valid point is to assess the actual physical practical outflows of a decision, the actual physical and practical implications of a decision – not the experience thereof; as such I commit myself to evaluate decisions whether they’re effective or not upon the basis of the physical effects and consequences of each decision – and not on the basis of how I feel to and towards the decision

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