Tag Archives: doing

Day 269: Hierarchies

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear people that are above me in the hierarchy in my work place – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into inferiority, and fear when communicating with someone that have a higher and more important position in comparison with me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to position, according to where I am in a hierarchy, whether I am on top, or on bottom, whether I am the most experienced, or the least experienced, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to change my experience of myself depending on what position I have, and what position another have, and feel/be more comfortable with myself when others have lower positions than me, and I can define myself/experience myself as having a higher position than others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt and try to acquire a feeling of being comfortable with myself through gaining a more desirable, and attainable position than what others have, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, and believe that when another have a more rewarding position than what I have, in terms of monetary benefits, then that person is better than me, is superior to me, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it is that I do not need to define myself according to money, and define my value/importance according to money – but to see, realize and understand that all are in-fact equal – and that money/status/position doesn’t change this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that for me to become more stable, more comfortable, and at ease with myself, I require to gain more money, and attain a higher position in comparison with others, and hence I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself limit my living, and my expression of the word comfort – in thinking that for me to live this word I require to have more money than others – I must be the winner of the money competition

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself back, and fear expressing myself when I am around others that have a higher grade, and a better standing than me in the system, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear sharing myself, and fear being myself around others, in thinking that I will not be accepted, and that I am not liked, and that I am strange and dislikable, and that people doesn’t want to have anything to do with me – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my real, genuine self-expression, in the belief that its dirty, and wrong, and that in order for me89tatus, and become someone/something in eyes of others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my stability/standing on how much money I have in the system – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the only point that I require to stand stable in the system is my trust in myself – my trust that I will stand by and with myself and walk in stability throughout my life – and regardless of what I face – always remember and remind myself of my purpose – which is to create a life that is best for all and bring through the expression of what is best for all in everything that I do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my stability, and standing, on what position I have in the system, and on what career I make of myself in the system, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let career, money, and position define me, and set up who I am, and what I am capable of doing, and what I am not capable of doing, and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget myself – and who I am – and that I am in-fact capable of standing and walking in stability throughout my life – and create a future for myself that is truly magnificent – and that is truly effective – and that is best for all – and that I do not have to limit and confine this movement of and as myself to be connected to money/position/who I am in this system

When and as I see that I am holding myself back, or waiting with living/expressing/creating my life, because I believe that I do not yet hold the necessary position to create my life, to fulfill myself, and build a future for myself and this world, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that it is up to me to create – and that I do not have to wait for anything – that I do not have to wait for me to get a particular spot in the system – that I do not have to wait for me to get a particular salary – that I can decide here that I will live fulfillment as WHO I AM – and thus not anymore wait; and thus I commit myself to live in every moment – every day – the word fulfillment – in realizing that I am full here – and that I can create and build my life here in every moment – and that waiting for that is an illusion that is not real

I commit myself to stand with the courage, and stability, to be an equal participant in this world, and understand that money, position, and career does not make me – I make/create myself – and thus I commit myself to stand equal and one regardless of what position I am within – regardless of what my duties and responsibilities are – I commit myself to remember, and remind myself – that I am here – and that my primary responsibility is to walk my process of birthing myself from the physical as life

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Day 254: Stealing My Time

man wearing a black cloth and a animal skullIn the recent interviews with Anu on Eqafe, the point of how much time we spend on the problems we face inside of ourselves, compared with the time we spend on establishing and living a solution within ourselves is discussed. You can download and listen to the interview HERE.

Today I faced a point within myself where this ratio of focusing on the problem, vis-à-vis focusing on the solutions, stood out clearly to me. Now, the point I was facing was in relation to time – and it is a reaction that I have been working with for some time now.

It played out as follows: I was sitting at home, and had planned to dedicate my day to studies. When I had studied for some hours my grandfather comes through the door and asks me whether I am able to follow with him to the ATM, and help him take out money. I realized that this point requires priority, and so I re-structured my plans, and decided to help him. Now, after I did that, I had a line of backchat repeat in my mind like a broken record: ‘I can’t get any peace to focus on my studies’ – and as I walked with my grandfather, and helped him, I experienced a resistance, an irritation, because I felt as if my time was being taken from me – and I wasn’t getting to that which I’d planned to do.

So, I was in this state of reaction when going with my grandfather to take out his money, which obviously wasn’t cool. And it was HERE that I see that could’ve immediately changed, and looked at what solutions there were available to me; what could I’ve applied in that moment to get out of the experience? And I can see it clearly before myself now – the solution would’ve been to talk with him, and genuinely share a moment with him, interact with him, and tend to my relationship with him.

Though, unfortunately I didn’t do that, and instead I remained within this state of feeling unjustly robbed of my ‘time’ – and the fascinating thing is that: I mostly, almost always, have more than enough time left to finish up my studies, even though I have helped, or spent time with others throughout my day. So, this stress that I experienced, that I might be losing out on my opportunity to effectively dedicate myself to my studies, it’s not real, it’s not a actual point of concern.

Thus, what happens is that I sabotage a moment of real interaction with another, because I believe that I am lacking time, not being HERE in TIME with another, but instead in my mind. And that is really the definition of wasting time, because then I am not being here with my physical, and the other person, when I am moving away from my plans to take care of a point that has opened up – and this is not effective at all.

So, in this blog I am going to focus my self-forgiveness, and my self-commitment statements on this particular issue of not being generous with my time, as well as the point of implementing, and focusing on the solutions in a moment, and not the problems.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed within and as the time-miser construct – where I will be fearful of giving anyone time, thinking that my time is precious, and that I can’t waste a single minute of my time, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this time-miser character mostly comes up when I am working, or when I have to do something in relation to my studies – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not in those moments, see that I have to push myself through my resistance, and fear of giving my time, because this fear that I experience, it doesn’t make any sense what-so-ever – and is in-fact only a illusion that I create and sustain through participating within and as stress energy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in moments when someone comes and asks me for a favor, and I feel that I can’t give off my time, that I will somehow implode and loose myself, if I was to give of my time in that moment – that it’s then and there I have to push myself to look at the point in common sense – and self-honestly assess whether or whether not I do in-fact have the time required to be with another – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within this not take into account that I have a tendency to stress myself and in that make calculations in relation to time faulty – where I will believe that I lack time – when in-fact I have plenty of time – it’s just that when I exist in this stressed out state I am not able to see that

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed within and as stress when I approach my studies, and generate this stress energy through thinking about how much I should accomplish in a certain amount of time, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I am within thinking about what I should do, and the pace in which I should do it, creating expectations on myself, that I then feel forced, and pressured into following, instead of accepting and allowing myself to approach the project of doing, and completing something, within being unconditional, and being relaxed within and as my human physical body – also within this seeing, realizing and understanding that I don’t have to run – and fight – and struggle my way through life – and that I can instead assist, and support myself to walk through life within enjoyment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as stress when I assess my time, and how I should utilize my time to its utmost potential, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise my relationship with others, and force my life forward, because I feel as if I am not moving according to the expectations I have created in my mind – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath – and move myself forward in the pace of breathing – in the pace of doing things HERE in the physical – and seeing, realizing and understand that I don’t need this experience of stress within me, in order to see what must be done, and then do it – and that I can enjoy life as I move through and deal with the various tasks that are before me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my relationship with my grandfather through participating within and as stress, and through this, resulting in me feeling that I don’t have sufficient with time to give to another, and that I can’t be generous with my time, and that I must basically, protect my time from another, to make sure that I have as much time as is possible, so that I can ensure my survival – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move myself from within and as this starting point of fear of survival

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to protect my time, and be watchful that no one steals my time, or thwarts the plans that I have made for my day, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I am within approaching my life in this way creating unnecessary conflict within myself, because I don’t have to be overprotective with my time, most often I actually do have enough time to assist and support another, as well as getting the things done, that I see I require to get done during my day, and I see, realize and understand that instead of reacting within an emotion of fear, and anxiety, I can instead look at the point within common sense, and see whether I can fit this particular point into my day, or not, without compromising my responsibilities and commitments

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that most of the times, it actually assists and supports me to take a break from my set routine, and go and do something different, such as helping out another person that is in need, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that in accepting and allowing myself to balance my day with different activities, and different points, I am actually becoming more effective, and specific within the activities that I have decided to take on and walk

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself going into a reaction of anxiety, and stress, when someone asks me if I can do something for them, help them with something, and this points then messes with my schedule, and my plans, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that this way of approaching time doesn’t make any sense, because I am not actually looking at the point within myself, instead am I am reacting, and creating experiences from within this reaction, instead of clarifying within myself whether I can actually do what is asked of me or not – and thus I commit myself to take the suggestion within me, look at the practical timeline of my day within stability, and from that starting point make a decision as to whether I am able to commit to the point or not

When and as I see myself reacting in stress towards time, and I go into an experience of feeling uneasy, and I start making plans within my mind to save time, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this starting point of trying to save time from within and as a experience of stress, it doesn’t assist and support me to make practical, and grounded decisions in relation to stress, it only supports me to make hasty, and rushed decisions, where I try to escape an experience within me, and within that I miss what is actually here, and the practical considerations that I have take inside of me in order to make an effective decision in my life – thus I commit myself to slow down within myself, using my breath, stabilizing and grounding myself in my physical body, and then proceed to look at the practical aspects of the time during my day, and plan it according to the actual timeline and time movement of my day – not according to how I feel about the time I have at my disposal

Day 191: A New Way of Doing Things

Recently I’ve been working with a state of fear that I go into quite often – most of the times I will enter into it in the morning – and then not be able to get out of it until nighttime. This is most definitely one of those points that I see I must change – and that I want to change – but that I’ve not been able to push through – and within that get to a conclusion and condition of real lasting change and transformation.

Though – today as I listened to interview called: “Insecurity: Quantum Levels – Atlanteans – Part 253” – I came to understand that one of the reasons as to why this point has felt so difficult and overbearing is because of how I’ve approached. Before I’ve immediately as the fear came up within me gone into a ‘breath through the experience’-application – wherein I’ve then pushed and willed myself to remain with my breath to get through the energy – but this have tended to exacerbate the fear-experience and placed me even further into a state of physical discomfort and energetic possession.

So, when I today listened to this interview, I realized what I’d been doing and why it’s been difficult – because in my application of ‘pushing through’ I’ve actually feed the experience through giving it attention – and by reacting to the experience as it being difficult and overbearing – thus making it bigger and more than it actually is.

I now see that I’ve to take a different approach to this reaction – and not proceed towards the experience in a state of ‘fight’ and ‘push’ mode – instead I have to be more gentle – and when I go into this point – rather place my focus and attention on what I am doing here – and let the experience come up and release – thus I will not anymore go into this state of ‘having to fix and direct’ the experience – but rather see it come up within me – then shift my attention to what I am doing HERE physically and not make the fear my focal point – rather I place the emphasis on what I’m involved with here – what project I am currently walking – what there is I must take into account in directing my physical world here – and so on.

What can be learned from this is thus that ‘pushing hard’ isn’t necessarily the solution to everything that comes up within – sometimes another type and form application is required to bring about change – it’s thus important to remain open and look for different solutions and ways of going directing one’s inner world – so that one doesn’t get stuck in this one type and form of hard-ass pushing forward application – because that will not produce effective results.