Tag Archives: dreams

Day 284: Dreams as a Gateway to the Unconscious

Yesterday I received some great news. There was a position opening up for me in my hometown, which means that my days of commuting might be over, for now… I am still though facing the one last challenge. I have to quit my current position and apply for the new position, and then get admitted into the new position in competition with other applicants. Hence, a moment of insecurity, and a moment of ‘breaking’ the ‘trust’ of my former employee – as my current employment is supposed to last for some years, I will however be leaving after only some months. This brought up some fears within me, and my cautious nature urged me to ‘not take any chances’ – while my ‘I have had enough of commuting’-nature urged me to immediately turn in my letter of resignation and go for it.

Anyway, I went to bed as per usual, and had one of my rare dreams. In my dream I had committed some form of felony, murder I think, and the police was onto me, and I was terrified of getting caught. I pictured before me (in my dream) how my life would come to an end, how all the dreams and imaginations I had conjured in my mind would come crashing down, how my career would fall into the abyss of nothingness, and that I would be left with nothing. As I woke up I could see that this dream effectively depicted the deeper fears moving in my mind with regards to making the decision of changing employer.

From my dream I can see that my fears involve an aspect of ‘getting caught’ and ‘being punished’ for ‘breaking the rules’ – the rules here being the terms of contract with the employer. And in breaking that contract (which I actually do not, seen from a legal perspective) I would then put my career at risk, and potentially then my future, and my survival in this world. Thus, what this fear shows me is that I have given my trust to the system, to my employer, and that my relationship with survival/money is based on me wanting others to assure me a steady inflow of money – and in this case – others would be my employer.

It also shows me a lack of self-trust. Because, fact is that I have a great CV, and that there is an insignificant risk that I might not receive the job in my hometown – and even if I would not receive the job – it is not like I am all out of opportunities. In-fact, there are many directions open for me, and what more stands in my way, are my own issues with confidence and trust – where I do not see that I can actually deal with, and direct my life, and make sure that things work out properly, even if things do not go according to my preconceived plan.

What I see that I must work with is thus self-trust issues, and fears of my survival falling to pieces, and to replace that fear of survival with self-trust, with self-confidence, with self-reliance and a stability, a knowing, that regardless of what is going to come into my life, I will deal with it, I will find solutions, and I will not give up. I will push myself forward and walk to the utmost of my ability, pushing through fears, and anxieties, and creating the life that I see is best for me, that I see is best for all, and not accepting and allowing myself to be satisfied with a mediocre life, but instead pushing for, and creating a extraordinary life.

Fear is quite cool, because it shows me where it is that I am not yet trusting myself, and where it is that I am willing to compromise myself, who I am, my integrity, my decisions, plans, and what is best for me, to feel secure/safe about my survival. It shows me where it is that I am still accepting and allowing myself to exist in a mindset of trying to avoid failure, instead of creating the success I want to have. It shows me where and how I am still  accepting less from myself and my life than what I am capable of creating for and as myself. Fear is the symptom of me not pushing myself to remain standing in every breath, with my body, and place my focus and attention on SELF-CREATION – and hence not on – self-survival.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am not going to be able to retain my security and safety with regards to money if I quite my job and look for a new one – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear defaulting on my debts, to fear loosing my house, to fear loosing my opportunity to survive in this world, and instead falling down into a whole of debt and suffering from which I cannot stand up

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear loosing my security and safety, as my access to money, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust money to give me my security, and my sense of feeling safe and secure, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, that it is money that creates my stability, and that without money in my life, I cannot, and I do not have stability – and thus I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to practice stability – to practice standing and remaining the same within me regardless if I have access to money or not

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear loosing my stability, and my future, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be willing to compromise what is best for me, to compromise creating a extraordinary and effective future for myself, only so that I can feel safe, and secure with my decisions, and with my life – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice standing in stability even though I am in a pressured situation – and in a pressured environment as so far that my access to money is not stable and secure

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that access to money in this world, and in this life, cannot ever be secure, and safe, that there is no such security and safety, as this world is in its very foundation flawed, and thus there is at all times a risk for everything to fall, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that this is a risk I must learn to stand with – to deal with and to direct – to understand that all decisions hold within them the potential of failure – yet sometimes – it is absolutely worth it to take the risk – to push forward – when the rewards that stand to be won are worth it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the worst case scenario, the worst case scenario being, that I will not get admitted into any of my desired employment options, and that I will stand without a job, and without income, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that this is going to happen to me, to fear that in such a scenario, I am not going to know what to do, and how to deal with my life, and how to continue to push forward, and do something with myself – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that in the worst case scenario, I do still have opportunities that I can push for, to assure an income for myself, and I can find ways on the side, to make sure that I still push myself forward in relation to my career and where I see that I want to go in life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the worst possible outcome, and fear that in such a situation, I am going to loose time, I am going to loose my standing in the legal community, and I am not going to be able to create anything with my life, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that if such a point do occur, that I will still be able to find a way out, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself, to not see, realize and understand that it will not get that bad – and also – that losing time is a very, very subjective assertion – and that in-fact – I am the primary decision maker as to whether the time I have on my hand is used effectively, and practically, or whether it is thrown away

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place trust, to place stability, to place security in relation to having a career, to having a job, and being accepted at my job, and excelling at my job, and within that being complemented, and liked by my colleagues, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it is that career, the words I have placed into this concept, are words that I can live, stand, and walk within my life, as myself, and thus nothing that I actually need to have a career for, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assert myself within the words of direction, and security, as knowing where I am going and with a secure stability heading in that direction, not accepting and allowing myself to be swayed and shifted – but remaining with my practical physical reality and moving into the direction that I have established for and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself a career, as a purpose and a direction in my daily living, as a security, in me knowing where I am heading, knowing what I am going to create and build for myself, and knowing what I am going to do with my life – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I cannot build this stability on a career – because a career can shift and go into highs and lows – and if I accept and allow myself to base my security and stability on a career – then I am not effectively aligned here with and as what is real – the stability of the physical that is always consistent regardless of the movement of money in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust my mind when it comes to making decisions in relation to the future, through trusting fear, and believing the decisions made in fear are more safe than decisions made within and as stability – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making decisions that I am stable within – in fear that they might be to risky – and that there might develop to many repercussions that will affect my future and my life – and make things shaky – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making my life shaky and unstable when it comes to money and financial security – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to thus only want to make safe decisions that I feel there is no fear connected to – because then I have apparently made a good and secure decisions that will lead to predictable outcomes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that there is no such thing as a predictable outcome on this earth at this moment – simply because the way money moves and the way the system is created – is so ineffective and based on the flimsiness of the mind – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how any feeling of security and trust in tomorrow is in-fact self-dishonesty, as there is no such security in this world to be found in this day and age

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself going into fear, and anxiety, and imagining the worst possible outcome of making a decision that involves money, and employment, I stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that with all decisions there is a risk – there is a potential that things might go wrong – and that things might not work out – however – that is not something that I can use to build my life with – and instead I realize that I must come to terms with these risks and push for the decisions that create my life to be the best that it can be – and thus I commit myself to bring up the worst possible outcome within me – and define solution within me if that outcome were to play out – and look at what decision is the most challenging – what decision is the best for me to walk that will be support me in my life and what I want to do in this lifetime

When and as I see myself going into fear, and anxiety towards a decision, because there is a risk that I will loose my employment, and in that my feeling, and sense of security, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that that the sense of security that comes with employment is in-fact false, that a security cannot be based on a job, and on money, but is in-fact related to ME and how I SEE-CURES – my ability to SEE SOLUTIONS and work with what is here – and not accept and allow myself to give up and give in when things get tough; and thus I commit myself to place my trust and security in myself – and develop my ability to remain stable under pressure and look for and apply solutions

When and as I see myself worrying that I am going to destroy my legal career, and make others angry and dissatisfied with me because of how I have approached my employment, I stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I see, realize and understand that this fear is holding me back, and limiting, that the moment I get attached to and accept and allowed something external to define me, through fear of loss, then I am creating limitations for and as myself, and making my life, my future, and who I am smaller, and thus I commit myself to push ahead, to push through my fear of loss, to realize that fear of loss only exists because I have defined words in relation to my external environment instead of seeing, realizing and understand that I can live and stand with and as this words as a decision, and as a movement that comes from within and that I express out to others

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Day 255: Are You Easily Distracted?

Are you one of those that get’s easily distracted? For example, when you have decided to do your homework, or sit down to engage in a activity that you do not look forward to that much, you seem to find so many other things that are more important, and that you would like to do, that you then end up doing instead of what you saw you had to do. In this blog I am going to walk through this mind pattern, and share solutions on how you are able to stop, and direct yourself, from being distracted, to instead being focused and concentrated.

Throughout my school years the one point that I fought and struggled with on an ongoing basis was my desire to do other things than schoolwork. I suspect that this conflict is normal for most children. When I was still in primary school, I would come home from school and have this urge to immediately go out and play with my friends – yet I knew that there was homework to be done and that I should get it done first, before I go out. Frequently I fell for the temptation, and opted for playing, instead of doing my homework, and as I grew older that way of handling my schoolwork became more rule than exception.

As I began upper secondary school, or high school, I was due to my relationship with distraction, not very good at focusing, and concentrating myself, and I invested my leisure time in playing computer games. For me school and homework was of secondary importance. The consequences of this was that I finished high school with mediocre grades, and without having developed an ability to sit down, focus, concentrate, and get things done. The reason being that I allowed myself to be distracted by what I wanted to do, desired to do, and felt like doing – hence compromising what I really had to do. And this inability to prioritize my time on a physical level impacted my ability to walk through university as well. Because even if I was more motivated when I started my first courses in higher education, I did not have the discipline, nor the focus to be able to integrate the now comparatively larger chunks of information.

Thus, what I want to share here is that accepting and allowing you to remain in a mind pattern of distraction will have consequences. Because to be effective in this lifetime, you must have focus, and you must be able to do things that you do not necessarily want to do, or feel like doing. This is for example of utmost importance in basically all types of careers. There you got to be able to complete your assignments and tasks. If you can recognize yourself as being someone that is easily distracted, understand that when you change this pattern within yourself, which it is possible to do, an entirely new world will open up. There are so many rewards and gifts to be found in the skill of being focused and concentrated. You would not believe how much we are actually capable of doing with our time, when we focus, and place our presence HERE in what we are doing.

Though before I get into the rewards, I want to share a couple of solutions that I have applied for myself, because I have managed to change, and transcend many aspects of my former tendency to distract myself. One point that I applied, to stabilize myself, and bring myself back HERE when I noticed that I was distracting myself, was to say to myself out loud: “Hey! Where are you going? You know that you should do THIS now! Come back and place your focus here!” – and this would assist and support me to in the moment, make the decision to not go towards my desires, and instead I could slow down, and return to my responsibility, or direct myself to start caring for my responsibilities.

Apart from that what has assisted me greatly is to be clear on the REWARDS and the CONSEQUENCES that follow from me accepting and allowing myself to be distracted. When I see what my actions will bring, it is so much easier to take that final and unconditional stand within me – were I state: “Till here but no further” – and as I said, there are many rewards for stopping the pattern of being distracted. Hence, it has been very beneficial for me to write down what more I can accomplish, and do with my life, and what that would mean to me, if I would be able to use my time more effectively, and really move my responsibilities into closure.

For example, when you stop the pattern of distraction, you will be able to get things done much quicker. You start something, a responsibility or commitment, then you place your focus HERE, and you push yourself to direct the point – and then you are done. Compare that to, starting a project on your computer, then stand up and leave after 20 minutes to talk in your cell phone, and then coming back only to surf a little on the web. Then you get back again, but now you’ve sort of forgotten where you were. It is far more effective to make the decision to do something, then you do it – and THEN – when you are done – you give yourself a moment to go do something that you enjoy.

And a point that is important to remember is that that the distraction pattern can only be stopped in the moment – and here many make a crucial mistake: They try to stop the distraction pattern only through speaking to themselves in their minds. The problem is that it does not help when you say inside of yourself that: “I should not be doing this” – “I have more important things to do” – “Why am I doing this? I should stop now! Come on stop now!” – Why? Because distracting yourself is a physical pattern – you live and create it with your physical body through moving yourself away from what you are required to do. Thus the solution is really so simple – to instead: PHYSICALLY move yourself towards, and DO what you see that you require doing. And here – in this physical movement you will experience some resistance – though with all change comes resistance and as such it is simply to push through and assert your change and the new direction that you have decided for yourself. You will get through it – and in that moment REAL ACTUAL CHANGE will be here – manifested in the physical

Hence, remember, when you feel that uncomfortable experience, that you should be doing something else than what you are doing, you know that knowing/experience you have in the back of your head. That slight voice whispering in your ears to “stop distracting yourself”. That is the moment to assert yourself and move yourself to change – to not accept and allow yourself to distract yourself, but to instead do what you are supposed to be doing.

Day 240: What Is Real Independence?

independenceIf you who are reading this have reached an age above 18, I’m quite certain that you can relate the phenomenon called teenage rebellion, or the ‘breaking away from your parents’-phase. My own breaking-away period was to put it mildly, very aggressive and destructive, and the fascinating thing is that I did it in order to prove to my parents that I was now independent. Though, was I really ever independent when I had to PROVE my independence to someone else?

Nah, not really, because real independence has nothing to do with your parents, or anyone else for that matter, real independence is about yourself – and who you are in relationship to your own mind. Real independence is something that we are able to live regardless of where we are, with who we are, regardless of what we are doing, or when we are doing it – because real independence is the point of us STANDING as the SELF-DIRECTIVE principle within ourselves – which means that we direct ourselves in every waking moment according to COMMON SENSE as what is best for all.

Now, today I wish to write about my experience of moving back to my mother at the mature age of 28, something that in my own culture, is looked upon as a regression, and seen as a failure to ‘create your own life’ – because apparently – creating your own life means living in your own apartment, having your own job, your own friends, your own stuff, your own dreams, and so on. Though, let’s take a closer look on this cultural belief system – does it stand a thorough common sense investigation? Let’s see shall we.

Does having your own job, or being self-employed mean that you are ‘independent’? No – because your still connected to your employer, or customers – and obviously still dependent upon the monetary system to continue functioning properly. And with having your own apartment – that doesn’t really make you INDEPENDENT – but rather dependent on your apartment. So let’s face one often missed fact about this physical world – it’s based on relationships of dependency – there is not one single point in this world that stands independent. You can have millions of money and your bank-account and still – you and your life will be dependent upon a myriad of other beings and creatures in this world.

So, if independence can’t exist in this physical world? Then where can it be found? Well, independence is about WHO YOU ARE within yourself – it’s about how you approach things – being independent could for example entail having a ability to effectively assess information as to whether it’s reliable or not, and thus not allow yourself to be swayed by reactions and opinions of others. Or it could entail an ability to set goals for yourself, and move towards these, and in this process – not accept and allow yourself to change and compromise on the basis of what others would like your life to become. This would be real and practical examples of independence lived in the physical – coming from the internal and expressed in the external.

Thus, me moving home to live with my mother, does this say anything about my state of independence? No – because me as the expression of independence is something that I can live, walk and create each and every day regardless of my environment – because independence is about WHO I AM – and not WHERE I am. The fact of the matter is that moving home to my mother, out on the countryside was a specific, well planned, and thought through decision – something that I realized I wanted to do, because I have an affinity for the country side – thus actually a independent decision.

We can conclude with the following – in this physical external world it’s not possible to stand as a point independence – because all points affect each-other – and rather – embracing dependence and realizing how your actions and life will affect that of another is a key for the human race to move forward towards a better world for all. Though, independence can be lived internally, as WHO WE ARE, as HOW we approach things, as HOW we live – in this realm within ourselves we are able to stand independent and let our thoughts, words and actions be genuine representations of WHO WE ARE in-fact – where we do not anymore hide but instead express our individual and unique beingness expression – and live that which we’ve decided that we will accept and allow – and stop participation in that which we’ve decided that we will not accept and allow.

Day 112: Follow The Positive?

Many, many, many people tend to strive towards a greater position in society – some desire to be a Lawyer, another a Doctor, and someone third to be a CEO for a great company – and I’ve equally found this point existent within myself.

Reasons-Why-Its-Important-To-Follow-Your-Dreams1-300x330Now, to clarify, there are some cool and relevant points within for example, establishing oneself in a position of the Lawyer in the system, as this will imply a certain authority and influence that can be utilized in order to bring forth change. What I want to bring up, and work with in this blog, is the irrational desire to reach such a position in the system, just because “it’s a elite position in the system” and “it feels good to imagine myself in that sort of position in the system” – because this is the sort of reasoning that I’ve noticed within myself.

When I’ve planned my future, my studies, and my career, what I’ve noticed myself doing, is that I will look at these sort of elite positions, and want to attain them, not from a starting point of considering what is practical, not from a starting point of consider who I am within it all, not from a starting point of looking at what it would entail to walk into such a position – no – the only point existent within me will be this positive feeling I have – that “this is the position I want to get into” – and obviously – this is not a decision based upon common sense but rather upon information that I’ve accepted and allowed to become who I am, because it’s ideas and assumptions that have been spoken, lived and regarded as real by people around my during my formative years.

Currently, I am standing at a point in my life, wherein I’ve realized that creating an effective life for myself in this world, and within that, making sure that I have a impact in this world, is not the same as following the various experiences I have towards decisions – and here as an example I can share my first experience as I was introduced to the world of sales. My initial reaction was that sales is not as glamorous, not as elitist, and not as filled with stature as being a lawyer, and thus I felt that I shouldn’t pursue this point at all – within this only considering my FEELINGS towards the particular opportunity.

Regardless of my initial reaction, I decided to do some research on this point of sales, and also on the point of being a lawyer – in order to really for myself clarify what these points entailed and whether they where aligned with what I wanted to have out of my life – doing this research was fascinating as suddenly I was able to see that many of my initial assessments of the point was a complete falsity.

Firstly, I became aware that the position I was striving for, as being a lawyer in the system, in particular working with business law, was an extremely competitive market, wherein only the best had a chance to make it – and that those that got in faced an extensive work load and quite poor salaries during their first 5 years of labor – thus not as glamorous as I perceived it to be.

Secondly, I became aware that as an effective salesperson, you could enable yourself to earn large quantities of money – comparable to those of lawyers – without having an extensive education of law, and severely overworking yourself – thus I could within this see that my initial ideas and assumptions where of mark – and that in-fact – I’d limited my awareness of my opportunities in life through holding unto this particular idea of “this position implies greatness and wealth” – instead of remaining unconditional and doing actual research as to how the points operated in actual physical reality.

So, herein I’ve realized that it’s important to never make decisions according to how one feel about a point, whether it be a positive experience, or a negative experience, because only things that one can cross-reference in physical reality – having the FACTS – is valid – all else is really a form of ignorance and brainwashing wherein one assume instead of finding out what is really going on and how it actually functions.

I would like to end of with saying that this blog isn’t meant to be some form of suggestion as to what type of career is the best and which one is the worst, as this is something we must individually assess based upon the contexts of our lives, as to what it is that we want to achieve, and how it is that we want to live; the point I want to bring through here is to not trust anything coming up within yourself that is of an energetic nature – as it simply can not be trusted – and that we must instead learn to work with and live by facts.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to what I experience instead of looking at facts – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust what comes up within me and to believe that because it comes up within me – it must be benevolent and trustworthy and that I can build my life around it – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in such a way that I resist that which I experience a negative reaction towards – and go into attraction towards that which I experience a positive reaction towards – without regard and consideration for the FACTS – the objective reality that is here which doesn’t consist out of experiences

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I am faced with decisions in my world – to consider what I experience – instead of considering what is here; and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that what I experience towards a particular decisions is more important than common sense – than assessing the point in physical reality and looking at whether or whether not I am able to stand with the outflows of making such a decision

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I can only trust facts – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not when I make decisions – accept and allow myself to do the research – to do the necessary check and assess and cross-reference my decisions with reality to look at whether the point is in-fact in aligned with my reality or whether it’s just a miscalculation and a positive feeling that I am following without any discernment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when I experience fear and anxiety towards a particular point, and when I resist and experience negativity towards a particular point and opportunity, to then believe that this implies that I should avoid that particular point and opportunity, I should resist and not go to it because apparently it’s “bad”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it’s common sense that I can’t rely on my experience of points to make decisions, because what are really my experiences? Well – it’s my assumptions, the limited information that I’ve gathered throughout my life that doesn’t really have any connection to physical reality – because most of it is hearsay – most if it is things that I’ve created and made up in my mind and that isn’t really existing on a physical level; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath – and make decisions based upon facts – based upon what I see – what I can cross-reference – and what I can see in my research as a matter of fact

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead of looking at the facts, look at my experiences, and place more trust in my experiences, than what is here as facts – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not bring myself back here to and as my human physical body – and see, realize and understand that effective decisions can only flow from having facts – and as such I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to make an effort to do specific and effective research on points when I make decisions or consider making decisions and plans in my world

Self-commitments

I commit myself to when I make decisions – look at the facts, the practical, the reality – what is here – and to forgive and breathe through any experience coming up within me whether positive or negative

I commit myself to not trust the experience, whether negative, or positive, coming up towards a decision I walk, that I’ve made, or that I am planning to make – and instead consider practical points – what is here – what I can see and touch and discern as being actual reality

I commit myself to realize that I can’t trust an experience and make an effective decision based upon experience – because experience is not in relationship to reality

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Day 101: One Day Before Exams

Tomorrow I have my exams. I’ve prepared myself with discipline and diligence and I do see that I am well prepared to take the exam – still there is nervousness and anxiety within me. Thus, I will in this blog clear out any such compromising experience so that I am able to walk and take my exams tomorrow within stability and self-presence here as breath – realizing that the results on my test does not define who I am, because I decide and define who I am practically in every moment of breath through what I will accept and allow and what I will not accept and allow.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into thoughts that are of that nature “what if” wherein I look at my future, I look at my exam, I look at future potentials from a starting of fear, as “what if” I don’t make it, “what if” I fail, “what if” I will not get the best mark, “what if” – what will happen? As such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and bring myself back here to and as my human physical body and give myself a break – realizing that it doesn’t in anyway assist and support me to worry, and go into nervousness – the mind and it’s energies has no practical function but to take me into and as a experience and separate myself from this physical practical moment here – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according fear instead of in every moment standing stable here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that going into the mind, and becoming possessed with fear in the mind has no practical function or meaning, it will not change anything, if anything it will only make me less effective at recalling and regurgitating information, because I am to worried about the results, thus not effectively accepting and allowing myself to walk HERE – thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath, realize that the mind isn’t support me in terms of the fear and nervousness I experience – that these experiences are in no way practical – they are only experiences – and thus won’t assist me to walk through the practical challenge than an exam in-fact represents

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I mean, looking at the situation from a physical and practical perspective, there is absolutely nothing I have to fear or be nervous about, because I have prepared myself, I have done and put in the necessary effort and work, and thus all I have to do now is simply to walk the point, to walk the exam, to walk into the unknown and trust myself that I will be able to walk it through effectively

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become overly concerned and possessed with “the results” – with “the outflow” wherein I start thinking more about what might, or might not happen, instead of me in every moment breath being HERE and walking this moment HERE – making decisions HERE upon the basis of what is here not existing in my mind trying to prevent my fears from taking place through fearing what I fear – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that this is a completely detrimental and irrational way of dealing with things – wherein I am going into experience, thinking that this will assist me in walking my real life, not realizing that experience have nothing to do with walking my life practically, physically and effective here – because such a point is a physical point – and thus something that I can walk without experience as I do in-fact only need myself here, my body and practically in common sense seeing what must be done and then doing it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push myself to be here with my physical body regardless of what challenges I am walking through, realizing and understanding that no matter what, I am here – regardless of what I face, regardless of challenges, regardless of contingencies I will still be here, and thus this is what I must develop, my ability to act, direct and move points effectively that appear and occur here – because here I have my power to direct – my power to influence – my power to move – my power to take responsibility – it’s not existent in my mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that for each and every time I go into my mind, and instead of participating, living and moving myself here, instead being busy and moving in my mind, I am obviously not moving myself effectively – I mean this is simply common sense – because when I am not here – obviously I can’t move and direct myself here as there must be a driver in the driver seat else the consequence will be that I create my life without awareness – without a driver in the driver seat

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how when I accept and allow nervousness and fear to be the driver of my life, I create a life equal and one to fear and nervousness, due to the simple fact that I am not here in every moment – aware – stable – able – and in real-time directing my life and myself to be what I want it to be – and thus the consequence will be that my life comes to zilch – null; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and bring myself back here – and motivate myself in every moment to remain here – to push myself to let go of emotions and feelings – and be stable – and directive here without the mind because I don’t need the mind – I don’t require experience – I don’t require emotion – I simply require myself – HERE – in and as stability of breath – within and as the certainty that I am here – and I direct what is here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that even though nervousness and fear appears to be such convincing experiences, apparently indicating that there is some type of real danger, and real “what if” that I must fear – the truth is that nervousness and fear aren’t based upon facts, they are based upon construing reality – trying to make sense of it – while not look at the actual physical movement and direction of reality; and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not push and motivate myself to look at reality directly here – to for instance in this case see that the practical reality is that I have prepared myself – I have effectively integrated the knowledge – the point is done and complete – and as such there is no point to worry about

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto this dream, which is in-fact a point of competition, that I am going to get the best marks, and within that enable myself to at a later stage become lawyer or work at the courts or something in that manner, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how this is a problem, because I’ve defined myself according to a dream and a plan, thinking that this plan and dream is me – instead of me being the creator and directive principle of my plans and dreams, wherein these are points that I direct and create according to what I see is practical, common sense, valid and effective

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not let go of the dream and hope to become a top-shot lawyer, or work in a court, and a have so-called “top position” and realize that when I accept and allow plans to control me, when I become emotionally affected and change who I am upon the basis of what I set out to do, then this is a problem, as it shows me that I am not the directive principle, I am not standing clear but I am instead allowing myself to be defined, to believe that the plan or dream “makes me” – instead of me accepting and allowing myself to create myself, for me to make a decision that “this is who I am” – and that I stand by my decision of who I am regardless of how my external reality moves – and that I stand equal and one with my external reality – realizing that moving myself in the system is nothing more but a piece of chess – that it’s about positions, it’s about planning, it’s about strategizing – which I am able to do without connecting any form of experience, dream or mental hope in relation to my direction and movement in life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I can obviously only be effective and live my full potential when I in-fact do accept and allow myself to have my full potential here as me in every moment breath, which implies that I don’t define or limit myself according to a plan, or a dream – believing that “I must reach this” – “or else everything fails” – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and unconditionally let my plans go from a starting point of not defining myself in relation to them – realizing that they are plans – they are mathematical equation that I’ve created and that they have a purpose that is practical – and that plans moved within a starting point of emotions are really worthless – because they are not in relation to what is real – what is practical – what is actual and what is physical – they’re simply experiences and thus obviously not in alignment with and as physical reality HERE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it’s common sense – that plans must not define who I am – because if they do – they’re no longer plans – they are my enslaver – they are my point of addiction that I follow to get a high of emotions – and not something that I move and walk towards because it makes sense – because it’s effective – because it will have an outflow that I can stand by – that I see is practical – that is relevant – that I see is cool and that I’d want for myself and others in my world; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not unconditionally let go my plans as a point of me wanting to get there to experience myself a certain way, and I instead commit myself to walk HERE – practically – physically – in and as stability – as breath – walking my plans because they make sense – and if they don’t work out – I merely change the plans according to what I see is effective – practical and relevant – according what I see will work and will have a outflow which I am satisfied with it effective

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that nervousness and fear exist within me because I am resisting the unknown, I am resisting the realization that there is no certainty, that I can’t be assured that my plans are going to work out, that I can’t be certain that my life is going to turn out as I’ve thought, and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not embrace this unknown, to see, realize and understand that I am able to stand within this point of the unknown, that I am able to stand stable, HERE – and direct myself in every moment of breath – realizing that it’s a condition of this existence – the unknown – and it’s fruitless to fight it – fruitless to resist it – and the key is thus to understand it and learn to direct myself within it and trust myself that I will direct myself towards and as a solution that is best for all regardless of what external situations I am facing in my world and reality

Self-commitments

I commit myself to not longer hold unto my plans as a emotional experience, but to instead make me the directive principle of my plans, thus allowing me to without any emotion or feeling change my plans when I see the need for it arise – because I am here and I direct myself according to what is here

I commit myself to stop defining myself according to my plans, to realize that this world does not define who I am, I define who I am, I decide who I am – and thus the results of my exams will merely be the results on the exam and nothing more and nothing less – thus I commit myself to not make me walking in this system in anyway personal or “about me” but to realize that I am really playing chess and that it’s a game of positions, strategizing, and making moves – which is nothing personal it’s just what it is

I commit myself to stop competing, to stop trying to win, to stop wanting to prove myself to be the best and instead focus upon what I am here to do, which is to create a world, a reality an existence that is best for all – where life can be lived in the full measure – where life is honored and respected – where life is cared for – where life is treated with compassion and consideration – and thus I commit myself to realize that in the big picture my nervousness and fear is irrelevant – and that I can use this time far more effectively – than existing in and being possessed with nervousness and fear

I commit myself to realize that I decide who I am – and that I decide how I will experience myself walking in this world – I decide and not a result on my exams – thus I walk here – I stabilize myself here – I stop this point of fear and nervousness and bring myself back to what is real here

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Day 81: Projections and Fear

Recently as I’ve begun to write this terms paper in relation to my law-studies, I’ve begun to face more, and more anxiety, and fear, and this is particularly in relation to failing with the course, and not getting the best possible grade.

future-of-innovation-management-five-key-steps-for-future-successThe reason this fear comes up is because of fear of the future, and it’s in relation to how I’ve dreamed up this particular idea of how well it should go for me in the future, what type of life I should have, and how me getting the best grade on all courses would allow me to get this particular life that I desire, and that I’ve imagined in my mind.

In essence, what I am able to see as the desire I have for my future is lot’s of money, and a easy life, a life where I can settle down and feel that I have stabilized myself effectively in the system, and thus nobody, and nothing can touch me, I am stable. So, it’s interesting that I am existing in a fear of the future, a fear of survival in essence, and my solution to this have been to try and acquire more money, to make it certain that I will be able make my dreams, and hopes of the future real – and within this the obvious point is forgotten; that I could give myself that point of being stable, and untouchable HERE – I don’t in-fact have to accomplish anything in this world, or acquire any particular position in the system to give myself this point of letting go of fear, letting go of anxiety, and letting go of the fear of survival.

I can also see that this fear isn’t only coming from fear of survival, it’s also coming from the fear of not being the best, and not succeeding in such a way that I am able to think of myself that I truly got out of the course, the best I could possibly get out of it. I don’t want to fail, because I don’t want others to think of me as being stupid, ineffective, and not capable.

What I find fascinating is how a small point like this is able to consume, and become my entire way of living, wherein my way of looking at things, and my way of interacting with this world becomes one-dimensional, as I lock into this one point in my mind, and I try and attempt to accomplish that one single point, forgetting that obviously, there are severely more important things to attend to in this world, than worrying about MY life, and MY desires, and MY hopes.

Isn’t this one of the reasons as to why this world is a complete shithole? We have all been preoccupied with only our own life’s to such an extent that we’ve not even bothered to pay attention to what is really going on in this world, and seeing that there is much, much more than only MY life, and MY desires, and MY hopes.

I see that this fear I hold unto can only exist when I hold unto a limited perspective, and way of viewing my life, wherein I define points like this, as what particular grade I will receive, as being a all-important, all-devouring point – and I do not push myself to see the greater picture of things, the global view, wherein people are without even the most basic necessities, the most basic points required to survive in this world; now that is a fucking problem – me getting a slightly lesser grade on a test – that is a luxury-problem and not something in-fact worthy of fearing, considering the misery and suffering that is really going on in this world on a massive level each and every day; thus the conclusion can be that when I stand on par with the real priorities of this existence – fear for my personal life can’t really exist, or at least not be as possessive in regards to these small, and in essence, completely unimportant points, such as whether I will receive the best grade, or the slightly lesser grade.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed with MY life, with MY hopes, with MY interests, with MY ideas, with MY personal survival, and within this disregard, and completely overlook that there is an entire existence here, in-front of my eyes, that is in grave troubles, wherein people do not even have access to the most basic of necessities; and within this I see, realize, and understand that – sure – it’s important that I direct, and take responsibility for my personal world, and my personal survival, but within this I can’t accept and allow it to become a possession because then I miss that there is in-fact MORE than only my life, and my personal world, and my personal responsibilities, that also requires direction

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that one of the reasons as to why this world is in the condition that it is, is because we as humans tend to become possessed with our own life to such an extent that we view reality as a one-dimensional movie, that we name “MY life” – not realizing that there is really not such a thing as “MY life” – because obviously all humans are interconnected with each other, and thus what I do in MY life will echo through this world, and have an impact in this world; and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand the simple truth that “no man is an island” – and that this truth implies that I must motivate myself to act on behalf of all of humanity as creating a solution that is best for all, so that we do not anymore have to live in this existence of fear wherein we can’t even be sure to have access to the most basic living necessities

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be self-honest with myself, in realizing and understand that, it won’t affect my life that much whether I will get the best grade, or the slightly lesser grade, and that really, the fear I experience is only a mind-job – wherein I imagine stuff in my mind, as how I want my life to be, and then fear that things will not turn out as I’ve imagined; instead of realizing that the primary point of importance in terms of my own life, is that I can assure my personal survival, so that I can walk this process, and contribute to a life that is best for all, and looking at my studies from that perspective, I see that there is really no use for fear, there is really no use for anxiety – because I will be able to place myself in effective money making position in the system, regardless of whether I get the best grades, or the slightly lesser grades

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that when I become overly concerned with my life, my hopes, my desires, my wishes, and my interests, this will affect my seeing of the world as a unit, and as a oneness, wherein I see that who I am in my daily life have an effect, and an impact on the whole; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath, and bring myself back here, and ground myself in the physical – and accept and allow my life to physical – meaning that I take decisions on the basis of giving life, and supporting life for all that is here in this physical reality, and not just to support my interests, desires, wishes, and fears, that come up as irrational thoughts in my mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create fear to be my directive principle in my life, and to believe that fear is a benevolent energy that makes my life easier, and that sort of warns me when things are about to go astray, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be self-honest, and to see, realize, and understand that fear only makes me ineffective, and really have me compromise myself in my life, because when I am in fear, it’s obvious that I can’t be HERE and life effectively in this moment, with and as my human physical body, as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath, bring myself back here – and to within this not accept and allow myself to be possessed by fear, but instead merge myself with the physical and remain within and as common sense, as what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when I let go of fear, and instead start considering my world, my reality, and my responsibilities, from a physical, common sense starting point, that I might then completely loose myself in this world and reality, and not anymore be able to function effectively, because apparently fear is my trustworthy eyes, that shows me who I should be, what I should do, when I should do it, and why I should do it, and apparently I am completely helpless, and without any form of stability if I can’t go to my fear, and ask my fear “who should I be here?” – as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath and within this state that “I am my own authority as the physical here as common sense – and I don’t require fear to be effective in my life” – and as such I commit myself to not anymore accept and allow me to go to fear for guidance – but to remain with common sense – to remain with the physical – to remain with my breath and my human physical body here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, perceive, and believe that when I experience fear, that there is something that is wrong, and that there is something that might be about to go wrong, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that fear have no effective relationship with reality, and that as such fear is simply fear – and it has no deeper meaning to it that it being fear; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely upon fear, and use fear as my guide, and to believe that when fear comes up it must be because there is something I am missing; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath, and bring myself back here, and to simply let go of fear as it comes up, and stop myself from participating in it, and instead focus upon looking at reality with physical eyes – seeing the mathematical context of reality and making decisions in regards to physical points that I am able to see and prove to myself here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath, and bring myself back here, and within this accept and allow myself to let go of fear, and to realize, that really, being possessed with fear is a choice that I’ve made, and as such I am able to re-choose – re-align myself with and as the physical, and not anymore accept and allow myself to have fear be a part of my life; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am not helpless to the experience of fear, and that I am not less than fear – it’s simply that I’ve made the decision to make fear my god, but within this I see that I am able to change this decision, and re-align myself with and as the physical – with and as that which is practical and within that obviously do not contain any form of energy as fear

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I am going into fear in regards to points in my reality, that will have some type of effect on my future, and I start to fear that my future will not be what I’ve imagined, and hoped that it would be – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here; and I see, realize, and understand that fear is not making more effective in terms of realizing plans that I’ve made for the future, it merely makes go into a panic and loose my perspectives of what is important, and what isn’t – and what it is that I am here to do in this life; as such I commit myself to bring myself back here to and as the physical – to let go of the fear and start practically working with considering my life in a mathematical and practical context – because then no fear can possibly exist as fear derives it’s existence upon ideas that are not aligned with and as the physical

When and as I am seeing that I go into fear, and that my life suddenly has become this dance of fear, wherein all my actions, and decisions are born within and as fear, and I do this to protect my life, and my interests, and my desires, and my hopes – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here; and I see, realize, and understand that fear makes me loose perspective on what is important, on what the actual state is of my physical world, and as such I start making decisions, and start looking at things in a way that is ineffective, that is completely separated from the mechanics of this physical world and reality; as such I commit myself to align myself with and as the physical – to merge myself with the physical – and to practically do this through pushing myself to when I make decisions, and when I look at my future, do this in a practical, physical, and tangible context – wherein I consider the mathematics of this world and reality and not my experience thereof

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Day 74: The Dangerous Future

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience, and define my future as a threat to my existence, and as something that I must protect myself against, and that I must in every moment try to control, and make sure that this future doesn’t destroy my life, and take my off-guard, and make my daily living a hell

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as a belief that I must protect myself against the future, and that the future will unless I protect myself, and make sure that I use every moment to defend myself, that the future will destroy me; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear walking in every moment here – not utilizing the mind to project myself into the future, but remaining here with and as my human physical body – remaining here with and as breath – realizing that this is what is real and that the future is only a plan in my head, it consists of probabilities, and possibilities, but it’s not in-fact here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not accept and allow myself to be comfortable with my future, and to within this stop, and let go of my fear of survival, and embrace the worst possible outcome, and within this make a commitment to myself, that regardless of where I end up, regardless of how my future will be, that I will stand and direct myself HERE – that I won’t fall into the mind but that I will be stable – participating HERE with and as breath and not going into my mind – but remaining here – remaining stable – remaining consistent – remaining here and realizing that the worst possible outcome is nothing to fear – it’s instead something to stand stable within and as and direct

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice directing myself – and within this utilizing my imagination to place myself in various positions, and situations, to within this see who I am, and see whether I stand or not – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not place myself in the position of the homeless, in the position of the person that have nothing – and within this commit myself to stand stable here – not accepting and allowing myself to infest any point of perspective in this world with emotions and feelings – but instead seeing everything for what it in-fact is

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience fear and anxiety towards working with money, towards using money, towards establishing my own business and within this taking responsibility for my money in-flux on a whole new level than before, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear walking this point of creating, establishing, and defining a new business for me that I am able to make money with, in fear that the worst possible thing is going to happen – which is that the business is not going to be successful, and that I am not going to be able to earn any money in walking and establishing the business

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that all fears derive from desires – and thus in fearing to fail with my business, there is a hidden desire, and this desire is obviously to protect myself from this world through using money, fearing to face, interact, and see, and experience this world for what it is has become, and trying to use money so that I won’t ever get into a position in this world wherein I don’t have full control, as having money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto fear of survival, and instead of forgiving my fear of survival, try to protect my fear of survival through building my entire life around the point of trying to earn money to protect myself from this world – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not dare myself to face this world head-on – to dare myself to stand up in this world and to walk in this world with no fear – and within this understanding that real power, and real efficacy can only be birthed when and as there is no more fear – when and as I am stand willing to give up everything in order to manifest, and create a new world that is best for all in everyway

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not dare myself, and push myself to give up my life, too as such instead re-direct my life, and living to the point of creating a change, and a new beginning for humanity, and myself as a part of humanity – wherein I do not anymore accept and allow myself to remain stuck in a life of me, me, me – of survival and fear – but that I push myself to expand my horizons, and see that there is so much more to take into consideration – so much more to make sure I get, and I learn, and I then walk to establish

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that there is no point in only existing to survive – that is really meaningless, and it has no impact, and it doesn’t make a difference in regards to creating a new world that is best for all – instead living to survive is detrimental to humanity, and this existence – because in living to survive we as humans go into tunnel-vision and all we see is what we want, and what we feel would benefit us – and we don’t see the consequences of our actions, we don’t see that our words and our living behavior as repercussions, and we only care about what we feel – thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take a breath, and bring myself back here – and re-align my living to creating what is best for all – a world and reality that is truly livable, and that we as humans would like to live in – and not just survive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand, that when and as I accept and allow myself to become possessed with and as fear of survival, and I start to make decisions within and as this fear of survival – this is when I am compromising myself, and my world, I am compromising my common sense, I am compromising my effectiveness and my daily participation and living – because everything I live for, and everything I do is about self-interest, and self-protection, and it’s not about in-fact living

When and as I see I go into fear of survival, and I consequently want to protect myself, to make sure I survive; I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that me surviving will not make a difference, will not have impact, will not be of substance, and worth – it will just be – me surviving and then at the end dying anyways; as such I commit myself to stop living to survive – but to instead live fully here – and make the most of my life – and to live my life so as to in-fact make an impact and create a difference

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