A year ago I finished my education and some months thereafter I began my first job. I have now worked at this job for about a year, and up until some months ago, I found most of the activities within my job refreshing and enjoyable. Most of the things were new to me, and hence I was challenged daily, which I loved. I had to really push, and exert myself to learn and expand. Then without much warning, I was through the difficult times. I had learned the basics of the job, and I was moving myself quite effortlessly within my responsibilities.
What then opened up was an experience of boredom. I could see that I was plateauing in my growth process, however, I did not see that as my responsibility. I thought that the fault was in my job, and that I had now learned the basics of my position, and that there was thus nothing in it for me any longer. What started to come through more and more was emotions; blame, depression, tiredness, apathy and listlessness. I did not see the enjoyment in my work anymore, because the challenge was gone.
Looking back at my life, I have had a tendency of taking on a new craft or skill, pushing myself diligently to learn and master it, and then, when I started to feel as if I was plateauing, I would give up and move unto something different. The consequence of this behavior was that I did not learn something in depth – I was a jack of all trades, yet master of none. This is similar to what I have been going through recently, where my job is no longer a novelty and does not supply me with challenges, difficulties, and points to overcome. It has become a job, something I know, and have to do, and nothing more.
Now, when I look at this point, one thing that stands out is how I have approached tasks, projects, skills, and also work, within a form of laziness. Not laziness from the perspective that I compromised my work, though laziness in the sense that I expected and wanted my work or the project to give me a challenge. Inside my mind, I viewed the point I was walking into as a ‘fun house’ that was supposed to refresh and charge me up – however when the novelty disappeared – that did not happen anymore. Hence, I was lazy from the perspective that I expected to be moved, to be inspired, to be stimulated, to be pushed, and I did not approach to point from the starting point of ME standing the point of taking responsibility for myself, that I would challenge myself, that I would push myself, that I would find ways and seek new venues and expressions, so that I could move and further myself within the particular skill/ability/project/work.
The problem thus has never been, with reference to this instance, my work – no – it has always been my relationship to work, how I decided to approach and look at work. Challenge, novelty, movement, expansion, and pushing myself, I should never have expected that my work would give that to me. Obviously, when something is new, it will for a moment be challenging, however, when that honeymoon phase is past, I must take responsibility to push myself, and expand myself within my profession. At that point I cannot rely upon my work doing anything for me. Instead, I must take matter into my own hands and actively look at where I am able to learn more, where I am able to expand, where I can push and enhance myself, and where I am able to further my expression.
It is fascinating thus to see, that so far, the technique that I have used to challenge myself, has been to look up and try to place myself in challenging environments, through changing jobs, changing education, or committing myself to a new hobby. Even though this has supported me and spiced things up, it has also been a limitation, as I have not taken the responsibility, taken matter into my own hands, and really, diligently pushed myself to expand where I was at.
And another thing to take into consideration is that I can only become really good at something, if I do it several times. If I only skim the surface, how can I then ever become an expert in my field? It is not possible. In-fact, it is not the routine and repetition in itself that has been bothering me, the big problem is that I react to routine and repetition and believe myself to be limited and contained. Though, this is not true, even though there might be routine and repetition in my life, there is always room to expand, explore, push, improve and move further.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect that my job will reinvent itself, and stimulate me, and that my job is going to make my life enjoyable, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding, that I am not able to rely upon my job, that I am not able to blame my job when I feel that I am stuck in a rut, without expanding or improving – and in-fact – the real problem is that I have not taken self-direction in my relationship with work
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to be stimulated instead of taking self-responsibility and looking at how I am able to stimulate myself within what I am doing
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect to be stimulated – and thus not push and drive myself to expand – to look at how I am able to empower myself – strengthen myself – push myself – and will myself to become more effective within what I am doing – and thus I commit myself to each day – look at how I can expand – to never be satisfied with where I am at – but constantly push myself to reach new heights of expression and direction – to not be satisfied with being ‘good’ at something – but push myself to become excellent within what I am doing
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to push myself to reach excellency – to use that as a motivation regardless of where I am at – to not accept and allow myself to be satisfied with mediocrity – to be average – to know something quite well – and quite effective – but to push myself to become an expert within what I am doing
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when I plateau – this is when I must push myself – to look for ways in which I am able to expand and enhance myself – to look for ways in which I am able to acquire further skills – abilities – and strengths – to look at my life and critically examine it – to see if and whether I am able to do more – to see whether I am able to acquire and expand myself within some area of my life
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame work as boring when I know it effectively – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect that work should stimulate me – instead of me taking self-responsibility and making sure that I stand as the point of stimulation – that I stand as the point of self-responsibility – that I stand as the point of pushing myself forward – placing no limits on myself – and looking at how and where I am able to expand
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not develop a passion for life – in the sense of always looking at how I am able to expand and move myself forward to the next stage of development
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not develop and push myself to create a passion for expansion
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to reach and build a life where I am satisfied – not seeing, realizing and understanding, that satisfaction, oftentimes goes hand in hand with complacency – where we become lazy, and stop the process of exploration and movement that we would otherwise walk – and thus I commit myself to embrace dissatisfaction – to use it as a motivation to empower and move myself – to use it as a motivation to enhance myself – and bring myself to the next level of development
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand, that nothing is going to come by itself – that nothing is going to happen by itself – and that if I want challenges in my life – then I must actively pursue and create them – I must actively look at how I am able to make my life challenging – through for example – in my work – looking at how I am able to expand my understanding of work – of how I am able to take on more tasks and responsibilities at work – of looking at how I am able to really expand and become effective at my work
When and as I see myself blaming my world, my reality, for being boring, not challenging, routine and repetition with no movement, I take a breath and I bring myself back here, and I stop – and I see, realize and understand, that for movement, change and expansion to happen, I must move myself, I must push myself, I cannot expect that things will simply happen by themselves, as they will not – and thus I commit myself to be on my toes – and to continuously be on the look out for how I am able to change myself – push and expand myself – and reach the next stage of development and expression
I commit myself to take self-responsibility for making my life challenging, expansive, fulfilling, and enjoyable – through not expecting to be stimulated – but rather – pushing and willing myself to improve and expand – constantly being on the look out for opportunities – and seizing the opportunities when they arise
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