Tag Archives: economy

Day 417: Challenging Status Quo

There is this tendency within me, and seemingly humans in general, to accept what is currently here as the unchangeable truth. Let us take money for example and how it functions currently. Each time I consider and look at money, I do that from the premise of how it is working currently; thus in my mind – I am limited in how I am looking at an relating both to myself and this world – because – I accept what is here without question and more importantly – without seeing, realizing and understanding that I have the power to change it.

I would say, that this tendency of mine, to accept what is in my external reality, is a mirror image of how I relate to patterns on a internal level. Hence, what I want to develop within myself is the skill to actively question, reconsider and assess both myself and my external reality. Is what is here currently the BEST it can be? Am I currently the BEST that I can be? And if that is not the case, then what can I do to bring myself to that state of being the BEST that I can be? What patterns within myself have I recognized, however accepted and allow to remain as is, because, I believe that they cannot be changed?

It might be that we feel safe with the status quo. When everything is as it used to be, then at least, we have a form of safety in that. However, why not instead strive to make ourselves, and our lives the best that they can be? What is it that stands in our way but ourselves?

I will push myself to actively challenge and question both my inner and outer reality, and simultaneously look at solutions that I can apply to bring through what is BEST.


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Day 345: Living Without Limits In a Limited System

When living and participating in the system, day out and day in having to perform the various tasks that we must perform in order to ensure our survival, it is easy to loose touch with what matters. The system moves fast, and a day is usually divided into short segments of time, where we continuously have to move ourselves from point A to point B. At times, this can create the feeling that life is just moving by, too fast for us to really handle or participate fully within. It is unfortunate that we live in a time and age where money has become a prerequisite to survival, and our time is a very limited resource that mostly has to be used to earn money, because this leaves little room for reflection, and self-expansion.

However, the system is currently as is, and it will not change in the near future, and thus what must change is WHO WE ARE within it. If we want to live a fulfilling, creative, expansive life, within a system and style of life that is limited, we must become creative and innovative. In-fact, when looking at it this way, it becomes fun, a game; how am I able to make something exciting, expansive, challenging with my life, where I am at the moment? Is it possible for me to create moments of silence and self-reflection in between the otherwise constant rush between point A and B? Is it possible for me to expand myself in my line of work? Is it possible for me to grow as a person, and utilizing my career, and survival responsibilities to do that?

To answer such questions we have to push ourselves, look out of the box, and learn to approach our lives using fresh eyes. This is obviously difficult, and sometimes, the first process that must be walked, for us to see the opportunities that are here, is letting go of the judgments towards our survival responsibilities and our life in general. Because, if we are not even willing to see the opportunities that are, but are instead focused on dreaming about the future, hoping for something different out there, we will not be able to take the next step in our development. For us to make something more of our current life, we must ground ourselves HERE – HERE within BREATH – that must be our starting point.

The fascinating thing is that our lives – EVEN when they are seemingly consisting out of routine, boring and repetitive tasks, and isolated to things we feel forced to do – has an array of opportunities. Really, if we ever think there is a problem with our lives, that means we have gone into a form of blame, and suppressed our natural movement and drive to expand, move, develop, refine and specify. Thus, we must stop looking outside of ourselves, stop looking out into the future, and turn our eyes within, and push ourselves to discover the areas and the aspects within our life within which we are limited and that we are able to push, and also, the areas within our life where we are strong, and where we are thus able to push ourselves even further.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for my life to change, to wait for my life to give me opportunities and to challenge me, to wait for my existence to move me, instead of me actively moving, and directing myself, and hence, in this process, establishing, and defining myself, where in my life I can push and expand, how I am able to further myself, and become more as a human being

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the premise that life and who I am within life is limited – and that a life in the system of survival – makes me limited – that a position in the system makes me limited – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding, that I am not limited unless I accept and allow myself to be that

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want my life to supply me with positive experiences – and to blame life when that does not happen – to think that I must move and change scenery – that I must have a new life – instead of pushing myself to expand – and look where and how in my life I am able to further my process of self-change and expansion – where in my life that I am still limited – and where thus – I am able to push myself to change

When and as I see myself waiting, or feeling down, blaming the world and the system because I feel limited, and trapped in a life of survival, I stop myself, take a breath and bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand, that I only feel limited because I accept and allow it, that I am limited, because I accept and allow it, and that there is nothing standing in my way when it comes to me expanding and moving, except myself, and thus I commit myself to use my life in the system – to use all of me – to push myself to expand – change and develop myself – to as such become more and realize my full potential as life as what is best for all

Day 253: Haunted By My Expectations

Have you ever felt haunted by your own expectations? For me this has been a recurring point in my life for some time, and the pattern basically goes like this. I will create an expectation about how something should, or is going to play out, and then I will begin to stress that the pattern will not play out, or happen the way I wanted it to.

It is a fascinating process to observe, how I in my mind create an idea of what is a good result, and what is a bad result, and the my emotional experience starts turning around trying to avoid the bad result, and get to the good result. A great example of how this pattern comes into play can be found in who I am in relation to my hobbies. Now just recently, I came up with an idea to learn some programming as a side thing, and the purpose within it was so that I could learn to create better websites, which is something that I enjoy to do as a pastime.

Instead of allowing myself to approach this decision unconditionally, and learn some programming, because I am intrigued and fascinated by it, I created some expectations, a particular result that I desired to achieve through learning how to program. And here, the result in my mind, was that I should be able to do awesome websites, and learn to write programming code fluently. And after this thought had arisen within me, a excitement came up within me, and I pictured myself being able to develop and hone this skill into perfection, so that I one day could look back and tell myself, my god, look at how much I learned!

Thus, it is not only the expectations I am haunted by, I am also haunted by a flawed idea of value, were I evaluate my actions on the basis of money/career/result. For example, some days ago I was outside rooting out weeds. When I was in the middle of it I stopped up, and wondered what this project was actually leading towards. Why was I standing here rooting out weeds when there are much more pressing issues to tend to in this world. I thought to myself that I should not be standing here, no, I should instead be out in the world making money on some job, or doing something worthwhile, that have a positive effect on the lives of others. What I can see here is thus that I judged what I was doing, and compared it to an idea of what it means to be valuable, and do great things – and through participating in this pattern within me creating an inner conflict.

What I want to be able to for myself is dedicate myself to a point in my life, for just a moment, without being obsessed with the results, without being focused on the results, and without being focused on what I am going to get out of it. Because, the moment I do view things from this starting point, where I look at whether it is right, whether I will get something out of it, and whether I will achieve a result that is worthwhile, I destroy the innocence of the moment. I limit myself from doing things, because the moment I cannot foresee a positive result – I will question whether or whether not I should continue with the point – and many times I will not.

Thus, as a correction for myself, I will practice doing things without aiming to achieve or create a particular result – thus instead place my attention on what I am doing HERE – the PROCESS of creation that I am walking through, and not the end-point that I hope to reach somewhere out there.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel haunted by my own expectations, and every time I do something, to define it within myself, and try to fit it into my life, in wanting to have a particular result and outcome with what I am doing, and wanting to reach a particular position, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that not only the result is important, but also who I am in the process of creating and building that result – and thus it’s important to remember that life is lived in moments of breath, in moments of creating myself here, where there is no result to achieve per say – but instead a moment opening up here where I have the opportunity to express myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the result-driven mind-set makes me forget to stop up, to take a breath and smell the roses – to realize that life is not a set of hurdles that I must push through as fast as possible – but rather life is a point of continuous creation – where I create in every moment of breath – and thus life is not a result-based manifestation but something that I build in every moment – and within this I see, realize and understand how it’s pointless to chase results, and believe that the experience of myself will change upon reaching these results, because in-fact – everywhere is all time HERE – HERE is everywhere

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that regardless of where I am in life, in what position, in what state, in what times I am here – and this doesn’t ever change – and thus the idea of life as being this linear experience that moves from point A to point B isn’t real – because rather life is a constant expression of myself here – where I walk into different timelines – yet that point of WHO I AM doesn’t ever change – because in every moment I am able to access silence of myself that exists within myself when I stop participating in my mind and instead center myself within and as my human physical body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that some things that I participate within here, they don’t have this grand and eloquent purpose, they don’t end up in a productive result, and within this I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that life isn’t supposed to be fit into this economic dogma of time and productivity, and thus I see, realize and understand that life is instead mean to be lived moment to moment, and breath to breath, where no emphasis is placed either on the future, or the past

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that regardless of how productive, or result driven I am, it will not change the point, that if I don’t learn how to live here, and be at peace with things moving slowly, become comfortable with things not working out as I imagined they would, I am going to live out the rest of my life in a state of stress, and anxiety, and there will always be this feeling of urgency to move forward, because I believe that I am not meeting my production quota, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that there is no production quota, that this only exists in my mind, and that I am creating this idea, and being impulsed with this idea through the current economic system

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am limiting myself when I accept and allow myself to move myself throughout my life in this state of a production-rush – because I will miss things that I in my mind view to be less important – such as caring for my body – such as making proper and nourishing food – such as taking some time off for me to enjoy myself – such as caring for my environment; and thus I see, realize and understand that in order for me to be effective in life I require a balance between things

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see myself rushing to get things done, to have time to do my so-called important things, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that my view, and understanding on what is important is based on the particular results I achieve, and valued according to a monetary basis – and thus I commit myself to instead stop the rush – and do what is here as a part of me – thus honoring myself through giving myself in that moment to care for my environment, and to walk the particular moment that has opened up and is here fully

When and as I see that I am experiencing a inner conflict within me, because I perceive that I what I am doing isn’t going anywhere, or leading to someplace, or having the results I intended, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that it doesn’t make sense to evaluate what I am doing according to results, because some points can’t be measured as a result, as they happen and have their complete value in the moment – and thus I commit myself to see that there is value here in every moment and that it’s about me living and being aware of this value here – and thus I commit myself to live this through practicing slowing down – breathing slower – walking slower – and regardless of what I am doing – do it in the slowness of and as my human physical body – and thus not stress – and force the point forward – but to walk it in the pace of breath

Day 39: Let Capitalism Become Really “BIG” (Basic Income Guarantee)

This blog will be dedicated to investigating the widely known economic ideology of capitalism – an ideology that has both been cheered, and slandered for several decades. I will look at what the problem is with capitalism, what possible solutions there are, and what rewards there will be for taking these solutions into practical action.

But first – what is capitalism?

Wikipedia gives capitalism the following definition:

Capitalism is an economic system characterized by private or corporate ownership of capital assets and goods. In a capitalist economy, investors are free to buy, sell, produce, and distribute goods and services with at most limited government control, at prices determined primarily by a competition for profit in a free market. Central elements of capitalism include capital accumulation, competitive markets, and a price system.

Thus – capitalist is an idea based upon the notion that the capital should be able to decide for itself where it is to be placed – based upon the premise that when capital is allowed to move freely – it will naturally re-locate to places where it is in greatest demand as this will produce the biggest amount of profit and thus produce the biggest amount of benefit for the people.

Problem

The absolutely biggest problem with capitalism is that competition does not work as an effective motivator for human beings to create benefit for society – though this is the general idea. It’s thought that competition between businesses, and companies will bring forth the most effective products, and the most ingenious inventions – the reality of the matter though is a completely different story.

The competition that is the basis of capitalism doesn’t occur in a supportive, and effective manner – because it’s not the skill of business, or the quality of their products that are competing – no – it’s each business ability to make profit and earn money that is pitted against each other. Fascinatingly enough being able to make lot’s of money is not at all related to whether you’re in-fact supplying an effective product or service – it’s instead based upon one’s effectiveness to manipulate the human mind to a state of decision to buy – and the most successful businesses have developed extremely intricate way’s of ensure that they gain control over the human being’s buying button.

Consider for example the company coca-cola – obviously the beverage the coca cola makes isn’t effective for the human body at all. It’s simply massive amounts of salt, and sugar mixed together which is in-fact directly harmful to the body – yet still the coca-cola company is one of the most successful businesses in this world – I wonder why?

Branded-BabyThe reason why is simple – coca-cola have branded themselves effectively, and they’ve created their beverage to be addictive – which in other words means that they’ve manipulated human beings to experience a need to buy the coke without there in-fact being such a need – creating this experience of a need through effective advertising utilizing sex, positive imagery, and other type of stimuli that support the human’s desire to buy; as such – coca cola is the perfect example of how the competition for profit doesn’t produce more effective products, or more effective companies – but instead criminals that will do whatever it takes to win, and defeat the competition and earn that extra buck.

There are lots of similar examples – companies producing products that on a closer look are completely worthless yet designed in such a way as to manipulate the human being into buying them as such allowing the company to make a killing.

It’s fascinating that capitalism by many are considered, and revered as an effective ideology for the creation of new concepts, inventions, and products – but really – all capitalism have served to create have been more, and more effective ways to make profits – which have not included any regard for the development of more effective products – instead cheaper products, cheaper labor power, cheaper manufacturing, and more effective advertising – all to make sure that the product that is sold has been created in such a way that it brings the ultimate amount of profit to the company.

For society capitalism have been directly harmful – because there has been so many products, and so many business ventures that by design have been malicious – that still have been sold, and promoted in society and been able to establish themselves – even though the cost of this have been many human lives. I mean – consider the fact that medical companies have knowingly sold hazardous “medicine” – obviously this hasn’t been because they wanted to produce the most effective medicine – it’s been because they wanted to make profit and to attain this purpose it didn’t matter that a few would have to sacrifice their lives.

So – this is the greatest, and most obnoxious flaw with capitalism – it’s complete dedication to the destructive competition of whom will get the most money.

Solution

What is the solution?

Well – competition for money is the problem, and this problem is largely based upon the fact that we really do have to earn money in today’s world else we will not be able to survive. This serves to drive the competition, and concurrence for money – which in turn force companies to become even more focused on their profit as attaining more, and more money – at the cost of the public good. Thus – through establishing a basic income grant – an unconditional and sufficient income for each human being to live an effective and fulfilling life – much of the drive for money that lies at the root of entrepreneurship today, will be gone – and as such we will be able to see companies taking form that do not have the ultimate purpose of making more money, but instead have the purpose creating of products, and giving services that are effective, worthwhile – and desirable, and practical to own.

I mean – the if one take the essence of the idea of capitalism – which is that capital is to naturally move to the point where it services the greatest benefit for the whole – because the best product will naturally be in demand the most, and thus be the most lucrative point to invest one’s money into – it can be concluded that this idea could be used in order to bring through benefit for the people – and generate value for the public good – what must be removed from capitalism is the point of psychological manipulation that today is used in order to manufacture demand. I mean – demand shouldn’t be allowed to be manufactured through manipulative advertisement but instead the product, or service in itself – as what it in-fact represents should be the only advertisement allowed. If capitalism is directed in such a way – it will mean that only the best products, and the best services – as those products and services that are in the highest demand – will receive most capital, as the most investments – and thus this product will be able to be even more effectively fine-tuned to be a product that is truly worthwhile.

Rewards

The rewards of changing capitalism – to not anymore allow the manufacturing of consent, as the manufacturing of public opinion – through manipulative ads the utilize sex, jealousy, comparison, and desire in order to generate sales – will be that the products that we as a humanity really need, and that are really useful – will be in every home.

Another point that must also change – is that the profit a company makes must not be based upon abusing labor to lower prices – the competition can’t be allowed to take place on such a shallow level as who makes the cheapest product – instead the best product regardless of it’s price should be the product that get’s attention and that is delivered to humanity as a whole. The problem here is that most of humanity do not have sufficient with money to invest in the best products because they are forced into poverty due to place of birth – such as what economic ability the family have, or the country that the child is born into. This will be corrected through implementing, and giving to all a basic income guarantee – this will allow all the ability to consume the goods that is best and not anymore will there be the need to look for the cheapest, and least valuable goods.

The reward here is that wage-slavery will end – because now labor will be given the value it deserves as products are priced correctly according to the amount of effort, and time that went into actually creating, and developing the product – this will mean more money in society – and as such more consumption – allowing even more capital to flow in the world system and be assigned to the corporations and companies that do produce the most effective products, and give the most effective services. Over-all we’ll due to this end up with a society that is highly advanced with products, and services that are durable, well thought through, and effective – which assists and supports humanity as a whole to reach, and align themselves with and as their ultimate potential of being the best that they can be.

Within this it’s fascinating to see that – even though capitalism have been so harshly criticized through-out the years as the evil spawn that is directly responsible for the state within which the earth, and humanity as a whole finds itself in today – capitalism could be changed to be a supportive ideology, as a natural way of public voting through purchasing-power, wherein the best products, and the most effective companies get’s the most votes, as money – and are as such supported to prosper, and grow. A outflow of this will be that for those people that truly have a product that they see is effective and that they want to give to humanity – and at the same time earn money – they will be able to do so and their product will get the money it deserves; and not anymore will ineffective products be allowed on the market, and remain there only because of immoral psychological manipulation. Within this the economy as a whole will become more substantial, and actually produce substantial value that is of benefit for all life on earth.

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CapitalismWikipedia: Capitalism is an economic system characterized by private or corporate ownership of capital assets and goods.

I Am the Example That Desteni “I” Process Works!

When I started process about 3 years ago I was a wreck of fear. I seldomly spoke a word that was unconditional and not tainted with anxiety and worry. I thought about money all the time, how much money did I have? How little money did I have? Always in a constant and continuous worry and fear. Did I have enough friends? Do I have enough sexual experience? I mean, basically all the bullshit you can think off – that existed in my head and shaped the experience of me!

So, quiet fucked up. But then I found desteni and my process of purification began. Slowly I started to bring myself back to the physical and as fear or anxiety arose I breathed through it. Each time fear of money came, each time fear of the future came – I applied self-forgiveness. Or I mean, not each time – this application has actually grown with me as I’ve expanded in my process. But anyway, I’ve been quite consistent with my application of self-forgiveness and then the practical application of breathing through the shit and not re-creating it again.

And look! Look where I am at today! I mean, you can’t see it or experience it as I do, but I mean if you could – I just say wow. The experience of me, the character of me, the words that I speak, how I take decisions, how I consider implications of my participation in my world; in comparison to the old me, I am now a life rocket scientist. Meaning, my application of living is now at the level of a rocket scientist, if (apparent) intelligence was to be compared with the ability to live, and before I was a 3-year-old worm. LOL! That’s how much I’ve ‘grown’ since I began this process. Not that a rocket scientist necessarily knows anything about living, it was just an example to show my growth – from a worm to a rocket scientist.

And I mean, the experience of myself compared to before is simply astonishing. I remember that Bernard told me once on the farm, “It feels like you are dead inside”. I also experienced myself that way before. I slept 12 hours each day. I mean, I don’t feel dead anymore and I don’t sleep 12 hours each day. I don’t dread to get up in the morning anymore, I can see something new at my horizon, something that I’ve never experienced before except as a very young child. Life!

This would never have been possible without the assistance of Desteni or the courses that Desteni “I” process offer. I mean, I am the example that what Desteni say is the truth. I am the example that self-forgiveness, self-honesty and common sense are indeed the key to heaven on earth. And unfortunately I can’t invite you inside of me to see and experience the change – I would if I could!

Though, I can invite you to walk the same process that I’ve walked and as such have the opportunity to give yourself the gift that I’ve given to me. Then you don’t require looking inside of me, because you will look inside of yourself and there will be this silence and comfortableness within you, in which you simply feel at home. That is life – real satisfaction with no fear or desire and this is possible for each and everyone to experience. Our system of money, greed and fear is not the only way to live – there is another way! It’s a way to experience heaven on earth – which is you in full application of yourself as self-trust.

So, don’t wait – don’t hesitate – join desteni “I” process and discover that the meaning of life is here – as yourself – as breath – as the physical.

Economic Armageddon

After the financial crisis that occurred at 2009 the Swedish government have begun to cut on costs and save money. At the moment the Swedish national debt is 12,5 % of GNP and this is a record low. The reason as to why the debt is pushed down and the national treasury is protected with claws and beaks, is to prevent a possible future bank collapse. Wherein the major banks of Sweden would default. This is something that wants to be avoided at all costs, because if the banks default the Swedish government will become responsible to pay back – to the former bank customers – the money that has been lost.

This might seem strange as the Swedish banks last year presented a positive operating result of 11 billion dollars. But when one takes a look at how much money is involved as the total of debts and assets in the four biggest banks of Sweden, one find something fascinating . The total of debts and assets are 1771 billion dollars while the Swedish GNP on the other hand is 511 billion dollars. As such it’s enough that one of these banks default for the Swedish economy to be in serious trouble.

A comparison would be Ireland where the banks as the financial crisis of 2007-2010 hit the homes ended up with severe monetary issues. Irelands national debt was before the crisis 25 % of GNP and now it’s at 125 % of GNP.

The Swedish economy isn’t anymore separate and protected from the rest of the world’s monetary issues. At this moment Swedish banks have debt in foreign banks to a size of 1,5 times the GNP of Sweden. As such great problems would be on the horizon if a new economical crisis would hit and foreign investors decided that they wanted to have their money back. And how likely is it that this will happen? It’s already been close once as the Latvian economy was on the verge of disappearing into a black hole. The Swedish government was only hours away from having to take charge as the owner of two major banks.

Thus, what can be concluded from the above-mentioned instability in the economic system? Firstly it’s to be understood that all countries are connected in their debt. And that if one country falls – all others will fall. Secondly it’s to be seen that the banks have more financial strength than countries. As such it’s the banks that makes the rules and not the country. If the banks fall then the country will fall. Because if we look at what is shown by the numbers, it’s clear that Sweden will not be able to take charge of the banks and handle their debts without the national economy falling together completely.

Thus, we’re in a precarious situation my brothers and sisters. We have put ourselves in this situation ourselves, as we have decided that our life is to be the subject of a money system that is based upon debt. Now it’s time to pay back the debt.

Though, there is a solution. Economy is not a monster separate from our directive will. We can decide to create a new system that would benefit everyone. Never have any ups and never have any downs. But support each and everyone with the basic necessities of life unconditionally and the opportunity to labor to acquire the luxury of life at all times. This system is called the equal money system. Please investigate so we don’t have to go through an economic Armageddon.

De-constructing my Money-Construct Part: 4

Today it’s one day before I leave to Uppsala to start studying law. It’s very cool and I am excited to start studying.

At the moment I have a headache and I believe the reason is money and fear of money, actually fear of loosing money. I had an interesting experience today in regards to loosing money. Due to mistakes in relation to weekdays and the implications of certain weekdays I managed to fuck up my planning. What did this cost me? It cost me a certain amount of money and I reacted within fear and self-judgment as I realized my mistake.

As I came home I shared this point with my mother who went into a complete fear-possession, in which she said that I must find someway to correct this. I had looked at all the points already and I saw that I had no possibility to correct this mistake, but I allowed myself to get swayed by my mother reversed enthusiasm. LOL – reversed enthusiasm because it’s the expression of being in panic and literally wanting to do anything and say anything in order to get a certain point through.

I thought that, cool, my mother might be able to assist me and help me with this point, but as I called the girl which I had contact with in relation to my apartment I got the same response as before. This time though I noticed how I attempted through placing certain “valuable” and “important” words manipulate myself to create a solution. I see no problem with manipulating in order to achieve a solution, if there is a possibility to do so with no harm coming to anyone – why not? Only morality is in my way, morality that is actually an idea of the physical outflows of actions as either being good or bad and not the actual understanding of the implications as the outflows of my physical actions.

Anyway – mission failed to retrieve my “wasted” money. I would loose them when I die anyway, so can I actually say that they where ever mine? Can I actually say that anything, which is here, is mine? No – nothing here is actual something that I own, it’s things that are in my presence and that’s it. I can’t define myself and my standing dependent upon material things in my reality because then I will fall – as I’ve placed my standing not upon that which eternally here and unchangeable.

What I saw was that I didn’t allow myself to trust myself in relation to this point. The reason that I started to speak with my mother around this point in the first place is because I felt fearful and uncomfortable knowing that I had lost a lot of money. I wanted to share this with someone in order to get support and get some understanding from someone. I would like my mother to say to me, hey Viktor, it doesn’t matter, money isn’t everything! I am not able to say that to myself and trust myself completely. Dealing with money brings up reactions in even if I have sufficient with money to survive.

As a form of protection, or reaction to the reaction I brought up within my mind my plans of becoming a clown as the summer is coming. I brought up my plans as to how I am going to make money in order to sustain myself when I won’t have any possibility to take loans from the government.

What I also see now that I became worried about was that I wouldn’t be able to move my stuff out from my apartment at the end of this year, because I wouldn’t have any money to do this. Thus as a protection to this I thought that my father would be able to help me and that I because of this would be able to save money.

It’s fascinating that I am so worried in terms of money even though I actually have sufficient with money. Meaning, my reactions are not in anyway in relation to the reality in which I am. It would be a different story if I were considering solutions, looking at my money situation if I saw that I actually didn’t have any money to be able to sustain myself – but I do have that! Thus I see that this is my extensive fear of loosing myself and the control over my possessions and my world through not having money.

I am going to list all the things, which I’ve circled around today in relation to money to structure this point for myself.

1.     Buying new study books

1.1.  How much will it cost?

1.1.1.     Will I have enough money?

1.1.1.1.         Will I have enough money to next year?

1.1.1.1.1.              What if I won’t have enough money and I won’t get a job?

2.     Taking subway in Stockholm

2.1.  How much money will it cost?

2.1.1.     Will I spend a lot of money and will I then be able to afford my apartment and pay for my bills?

3.     Monthly expenses

3.1.  Will I have to much monthly expenses and because of that not be able to sustain myself

3.1.1.     Will I get in debt?

3.1.1.1.         Will I not be able to pay my bills effectively?

3.1.1.1.1.              What will happen to me then?

4.     Taking buss

4.1.  How much will the bus cost?

4.1.1.     Will it be cheap or expensive?

4.1.1.1.         If expensive, will I afford to pay my bills and keep my apartment?

5.     My stuff being placed outside

5.1.  Will my stuff be stolen?

5.1.1.     How much money am I then going to loose?

5.2.  Will my stuff break in the cold?

5.2.1.     How much money am I then going to loose?

6.     Bathing

6.1.  How much money will it cost?

6.1.1.     Will it take a to big chunk of my budget?

6.1.1.1.         Will I be able to sustain myself?

6.1.1.1.1.              Will I be able to afford food and property?

7.     Moving the next time

7.1.  Do I have to much stuff with me in this move?

7.1.1.     What if I will have to much stuff in the next move and because of that it will cost more than what I’ve expected it to cost?

7.1.1.1.         What if I won’t be able sustain myself, keep my possessions and locate myself in a apartment?

I notice as I bring up these point that a lot of anger and frustration comes up within me. Accepted and allowed anger because of what I’ve allowed myself to become in relation to money, my submission to money and my experience towards money. Instead of having corrected myself immediately as fear have come up I’ve instead fought my fear, thus becoming angry and frustrated at myself. I am also angry and frustrated that this fear is here to begin with and that it is so extremely real and that I give into to it so easily. That I desire to have these thoughts around money, calculate in my mind, protect myself in my mind through thinking that I have sufficient with money.

And then one day I will die and I will be gone – fascinating. That day is certain yet I fear this world and dying extensively.

Anyway, what more points come up that I’ve worried myself about in relation to money.

8.     Clowning

8.1.  Will I be able to make enough money on clowning?

8.1.1.     What if I won’t be able to do that?

8.1.1.1.         Then I would have wasted money on props and preparation

8.1.1.1.1.              What if I won’t be able to sustain myself then?

9.     Music and Music equipment

9.1.  What if I won’t make enough money on music if I purchase musical equipment to be able to play on a street?

9.1.1.     What if I won’t be able to sustain myself effectively?

10. Apartment with me and Anna

10.1.               What if I won’t be able to buy a new apartment, because I don’t have enough money to place a disposition?

10.1.1. What if I will be to poor to have an apartment?

10.1.1.1.      Where will I place all of my stuff?

10.1.1.1.1.          What if I loose all of my stuff?

I have noticed within me a fear of throwing away things, because they cost money. Will I waste money? I can’t waste money!? What if I waste money?! And thus I will not throw away things that I am within me, quite, if not completely certain that I will never use again, because, what if?

What if? Is a fascinating fear, what if I do a mistake? What if this will lead me to wasting more money, thus me loosing my money?

It’s all delusions, that I can protect myself from this world – that I can loose myself if I don’t have any money. Actually I am able to starve to death if I don’t have any money, or freeze to death, or get dehydrated and die that way. What comes up is, that I don’t want to do that because I don’t want to die on such a stupid point. Those are the points that can happen to me if I don’t have any money. In my current life I must be very fucking clumsy and be very lazy in order to place myself in such a position. At the time being, I simply can’t see how I am able to place myself in a position of not having any money – I will be able to sustain myself effectively, there is no question about. If I am not, then I deal with that in that moment. There is no valid reason to fear not being able to sustain myself, if it’s here, then it’s here and I deal with that. I breath and I direct myself according to common sense – simple, no need for any emotional or feeling based experiences. I do fine without them.

1.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about what things costs

2.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed and controlled by my fear of loosing money

3.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying due to cold

4.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying due to starvation

5.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry and fear that my plans in relation to how I am to sustain myself in the future won’t work and that I will only waste even more money

6.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is such a experience as finally being satisfied and calm as in thinking that I have enough money

7.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself, and how I experience myself around how much money I currently posses

8.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking chances, to fear exploring and expanding myself in terms of how to work in the matrix, in fear that I am going to loose money

9.     I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am going to loose money at day-to-day actions, without being aware of my account balance and then one day find out that I am broke

10. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear finding out that I am broke and that I have no money what-so-ever

11. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear loosing my possessions

12. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear loosing my desk

13. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear loosing my computer

14. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear loosing my clothes

15. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear loosing my musical instruments

16. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear loosing my office chair

17. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear loosing my study books

18. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear buying new study books, in fear that my savings are going to decrease

19. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear buying new things that are doing so that my savings decrease, in fear that I won’t be able to make new money

20. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not holding my savings on a steady basis, in fear that I am not going to be free in society, but held back by money and through not having enough money

21. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear loosing a comfortable and soft place to sit at

22. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear loosing a place in which I can sit and surf on the internet by myself

23. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am going to loose my ability to have an apartment and have my possessions be in this apartment with me

24. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will be able to reach inner stability, inner silence and peace through money

25. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I worry and think enough about money, and gather enough money, I will be able to feel safe and calm in this reality

26. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that money is what makes me calm and relaxed and at ease

27. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my release from money into the future, into a day where I will feel like I finally have enough money and that I am now certain of my survival and that I can now relax and simply enjoy myself

28. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that money will be able to give me relaxation and peace

29. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I struggle, and worry, and keep my shit together in relation to money on earth, that I will finally be able to let go and relax when I come to heaven

30. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will have survive my experience on earth if I am able to accumulate enough money in order to always have food, water and a roof over my head until I die of old age

31. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making new purchases in fear that I won’t be able to get any money back on them

32. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to my past excursions in relation to money and exploring professions and think that I am only “wasting” money when I attempt to place myself in positions of gaining money through new professions

33. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking chances and walking new roads in terms of earning money in fear that it won’t work

34. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear buying new things, in fear that I won’t be able to take back the money they are worth in either new money or time

35. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define a successful buy, as something that I buy and use much or something that I buy and get money back from

36. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to how much money I am able to make and how effectively I am able to run a business and retrieve money from this business

37. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear buying study books that aren’t used, in fear of how much money I will have to spend on study books, in fear that I will go a lot back in terms of my money supply

38. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I won’t be able to buy any used books, in fear that I will use to much money and that I won’t be able to sustain myself because I don’t have enough money

39. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I won’t be able to sell my books after I’ve used them, in fear that I will go back, and not be able to sustain myself anymore

40. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I won’t have enough savings in order to live a comfortable life with no worry of survival, within the belief that it’s my money that my comfort ability and stability depend upon

I am here.

I allow myself to buy that which I need to buy, and that which I see will be beneficial for me to buy in relation to supporting myself as self-expression. I won’t allow myself to participate in fear in relation to buying new things. I will push myself to see money simply as mathematics, and push myself to realize that money and the accumulation of money, and the use of money to sustain myself is simple mathematics and nothing that I have to fear or experience anxiety towards. I push myself to realize the reality of things instead of making assumptions and acting with the starting point fear and anxiety.

I am here.