Tag Archives: effective

Day 403: Directing Conflicts

The theme of my week has been conflicts, primarily in relation to money, however it has also touched other subjects. It has been interesting, because I have been both on the receiving end of criticism and complaints as well as on the giving end of criticism and complaints. Having had a taste of both worlds – it opened up some interesting realizations.

I realized that the normal way we tend to approach dissatisfaction with products/services is by anger/frustration. We feel harmed and unjustly treated – and we approach the other person in that state of anger/frustration and discontent. Oftentimes this results in more conflict, more irritation, more anger, and more confusion. We start to fight instead of coming up with solutions – and we believe that the other person is out to get us – instead of seeing that it could be a honest mistake – and that we could potentially have a mature, and stable discussion about what we are unsatisfied with and find a solution together.

A better way to approach conflicts is by being humble, being open to hearing the other perspective and being open to consider solutions that are mutually effective. Disputes where both parties decide to go full on for their own desired outcome with no quarters are really destructive. In a best-case scenario, one of the parties’ wins – in a worst-case scenario – both lose. Fighting, it always creates losers, which is why it is pretty fascinating to see how often we choose this route. And it is not because of reasons that we can explain rationally, it is because of how we feel – and we seek our perceived version of justice through the conflict. The problem is that we seldom see the problem, the area of conflict, with any clarity because everything is very much shrouded by our own self-interest – and having regard and empathy for our opponent can in such a case feel like a weakness. Though it is the ability to keep a cool head and place ourselves in the position of the other party that will allow us to find a solution that is going to work both for the other and us.

Another difficult emotional experience that can make conflicts hard to solve is idea that we have to stand by our feeling of being wronged because it is a matter of principle. The problem is that the ‘principled’ party is unable to consider anything else but their own principle, or rather, their own emotional experience. The ‘principled’ party will thus seldom be able to expand their seeing to take into consideration the other party as well – and will oftentimes stick to their demands stubbornly. And there will be a great fear of letting go of the emotional experience because of the belief, that if we do, then we have admitted defeat. That is obviously not the case. Defeat is subjective, and in the case of conflicts, defeat would be to not find a solution that is effective and works for both parties.

Conflicts are a natural, recurring and big part of social life. It comes through in nearly all type of relationships, whether with humans or animals. Learning to deal with conflicts is because of that an important skill to acquire. A basic component of dealing with conflicts effectively is communication. I would say that bad communication and the consequential misunderstandings are the prime reason for the creation and continuation of conflicts.

Recently I have watched a Danish TV series that is about a collective with young people that are brought together in order to research their personalities and behaviors. Naturally, many conflicts, emotional experiences and misunderstandings occur. For example, two people initiate a sexual relationship hurriedly. One of them does not see a future with the relationship, the other falls in love. Neither of them communicates their experiences. Thus the one that is not interested in continuing feels bogged down and stalked and the one feeling in love feels rejected and becomes increasingly sad and emotional. And the conflict is created because neither party communicates about how they feel, their intentions and their aspirations.

The reasons why we decide to not communicate in such situations probably differ from person to person. If it would be me, I would most likely hold back because of fear of being vulnerable. However others might not share their experience because they believe the other person already knows. Sometimes we become so lost in our thoughts, and they become such a big part of our life, that we believe that everyone else has access to them as well. However, that is not the case. In order to break through and find solutions we must dare to be vulnerable and also understand that we cannot expect anyone to understand unless we have communicated and clarified our position. It is basic common sense and still it is normal to lack such basic skills of communication.

Another example that read of in a book about learning how to negotiate is the following. Worker A is pissed off because his chief B always selects him to lead the one of the most physically exhausting undertakings. He thinks that B is singling him out and is punishing him. Thus A decides to contact his union and refuse to follow orders. B on the other hand reasons that because A is one of is best and most trusted workers, he chooses A to head the difficult undertaking, because then B knows that the job gets done. This is a clear-cut example of how the lack of communication creates conflicts. If A would have voiced himself and if B would have explained is reasoning, there would most likely not have been any issue between the two.

Thus, to summarize: To avoid conflicts, effective communication, empathy and openness are required. We must embrace the possibility that the other party is not necessarily evil, but that there might be a misunderstanding or a miss-match of expectations. Through communication we are able to find and resolve differences and establish solutions that work for both parties.


Day 334: Let Me Get Organized!

The problem

There is a reason that this blog is called a dreamers journey to life. The reason being, that I am a dreamer. As a dreamer, the way I approach tasks, schedule my week, handle my work responsibilities, is many times quite chaotic. This is not because I am a irresponsible person, or because I do not care about making the best of my days, it is because I tend to be more in a state of what I next, and also because, I at the same time get very caught up in THIS MOMENT, where I start to analyze, consider, and look at what is here, to such an extent that I loose track of time. Ergo, this set of conditions have lead to the following consequences: I forget things, I handle things in a rush because there is no adequate plan and not enough time time.

I discussed this tendency of mine with a friend, and within that I could see that a appropriate word for me to practice living is ORGANIZE. Hence, in the following blog, I will redefine, and look at how I can practically live this word in my day to day living.

Redefining the Word Organize

How I have lived the word thus far in my life

My lack of organizational skills became apparent to me when I started high school. With more subjects, classes, and exams, it got increasingly difficult to have everything in my head. And then, on-top of school, I had hobbies, and leisurely interests, which I also had to keep track of. Needless to say, this resulted in me forgetting things, and because I was not used to utilizing a calendar, or a almanac – and because I did not at that point in my life regard the consequences as sufficiently severe – I simply allowed this problem to fester. I enjoyed to see myself as a free spirit, easy going, boundless, creative and imaginative, and obviously NOT tied down to boring, time-based conditions.

However, as I began university, I started to apply myself more when it came to organization. I developed time management skills, learned how to plan my studies, and make sure that I had sufficient with time to handle my responsibilities, and got quite good at it. However, only to a certain extent. I was still quite chaotic in how I approached things, and in my private sphere, where I was not forced organize in the same way, I simply did not do it.

One could thus say, that the reason I have not applied and become effective with the word organize, is because I have not practiced it enough and deliberately made it a part of my life.

Current definition

Dictionary definition

  1. arrange systematically; order: organize lessons in a planned way.
    • coordinate the activities of (a person or group) efficiently: she was unsuited to anything where she had to organize herself.
    • form (a number of people) into a trade union or other political group: we all believed in the need to organize women.
  2. make arrangements or preparations for (an event or activity): social programmes are organized by the school.
    • take responsibility for providing or arranging: Julie organized food and drink for the band.
  3. archaic arrange or form into a living being or tissue.

Etymology

Organize
early 15c., “construct, establish,” from Middle French organiser and directly from Medieval Latin organizare, from Latin organum “instrument, organ” (see organ). Related: Organized; organizing.

Organized
1590s, “furnished with organs,” past participle adjective from organize (v.). Meaning “forming a whole of interdependent parts” is from 1817. Organized crime attested from 1929.

Sounding the word

Organ-eyes

Or-gone-eyes

Organ-I-See

Or-gain-I-See

Creative Writing

An organ, which is a independent part or function within a greater whole, is part of the word organize. Further, in organize we find the words I-See, thus forming the sentence, Organ I See – and this to me goes to show that organize is about seeing various parts, how they work together, and how to direct them, in a holistic way. Thus living the word organize, is about having an overview, seeing all the various organs that form my day in my life, and each day, as a organ that form part of my life. I have the organ of waking up, the organ of eating breakfast, preparing myself for work, using my car, all of these aspects are important to take into consideration when I create my day – and if I loose perspective – and only place focus on ONE organ – such as for example one particular task that I have to get done at work – then my day will not function effectively as I will not pay adequate attention to the other organs of my life.

An important part of living the word organized is thus to remain grounded, to breath, and to not loose myself only ONE moment, but to keep an overview of where I am going next, while at the same time, placing the necessary attention on the ORGAN/MOMENT that I am participating i HERE.

Redefinition

Seeing, directing and structuring independent parts to create an efficient whole

Practical living application

How am I able to live this word practically in my day to day living?

  • At the beginning of my day, look at what must be done that particular day, walk through it in my mind, see the various individual parts, and structure them into a efficient whole
  • At the end of each week, sit down with myself and look at what must be done the coming week, and use my calendar, or almanac to see and take notice of each individual part that make up my coming week, and structure them into a efficient whole
  • When I approach a task, look at what parts the task contain, and how I am able to systematize and structure these parts to form an efficient whole
  • To ask throughout my day, stop for moments, and look ahead, to see whether there is parts in my day that I must take into consideration and act upon – and to see how I can structure them into the flow of my day
  • To use routine, and systems to make daily living easier, for example, through always putting my keys in the same place as I get home, through noting down things (parts of my day) that I suspect I will forget otherwise
  • To consistently, and persistently use to-do lists, and my almanac to structure my life, and make sure that I get to the things which I need to get to
  • To not trust that I will remember things, and instead note it down.

Learn more about this way of living:

Day 263: Making Commuting Worthwhile

In life we sometimes face these moments in time where it is difficult, it is hard, and tiresome. We for example run out of money, or lose our job. Or we hurt ourselves in someway so that we are not capable of handling our reality as effectively as before. For me, this bad/uncomfortable experience has opened up in relation to me applying for, and getting a job, where it is required for me to commute.

I have never been a big fan of commuting. Whenever I have had the possibility to avoid commuting, I have, though now, due to decisions and commitments that I have made, I am in a situation where I am forced/pushed to take on and walk the point of commuting – and this has opened up some fascinating insights into the art of self-creation.

train stationWhat has now happened is that my surrounding reality has changed, I have walked into a door/time/moment in my life where there is a certain physical discomfort, which comes through as having to commute. Now, what I have understood is that in walking into this challenge, there are basically two ways I can approach it. There is the approach of accepting and allowing my environment to define me. This would be where I complain, I become depressed, and sad about the state and condition of my life, and I start to generate, and create emotional experiences. This is the way where I will not learn anything at all – and instead of becoming more proficient and effective in my physical living, I will devolve, and become less than what I was before.

Then there is the second way of approaching challenges/hardships/difficulties – and this is the way where I decide who I am in relation to the point – and I decide to look for solutions and what I can do to assist and support myself to enhance my life, and what I can develop and learn from the difficulty that I am facing.

Thus, I have asked myself the question, and looked at, what is it that I can learn from, take from this challenge I am facing with commuting. I have found that commuting in-fact offers a plethora of opportunities of self-creation. For example, I have found that I can use the commuting time to practicing remaining here with my breath, and my physical body, and practicing being stable even though the world around me is hectic, and tumultuous. And – I have also practiced using the time of commuting to slow down, to let go off, and release the day at work, to look at whether there were any reactions, and then accept and allow myself to let them go, and bring myself back here to and as my human physical body.

Another gift that I have found that I can create, and practice with my commuting, is stability, consistency, and self-discipline. Because it takes discipline to get up early in the morning, when it is dark and cold outside, and then push you to leave for the train – it takes will power and determination. Hence, through facing this difficulty in my commute, I get to practice living these words, and thus I enhance my self-discipline, and character in other parts of my life as well.

So, what I want to share with this blog is that in ALL adversities, difficulties, and challenges, there are gifts – and if you cannot see them – it just means that you have not created them yet. Because we do have the power to redefine, to change, and to alter our view of things, how we approach and relate to our reality – and that is what determines everything. When we change who we are towards our reality, our reality will change as well – and it is truly amazing what can be created and experienced even in the most meager of conditions. There is a potential for improvement everywhere – we must simply take up the challenge and walk our decision into creation.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to how my environment is, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress and hold myself back, and accept and allow my environment, and what is around me to define me, how I experience myself, and my movement, and direction in life – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I can change how I experience myself, that I can change how I feel within me, and that I can redefine situations, and make difficult/challenging situations something worthwhile, and cool to be part off that can actually contribute to my life and who I am instead of destroying me, my life, and who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how there is in-fact a lot to be learnt, and many gifts to be acquired in commuting, and even though it feels difficult and hard, there are many things that I can practice, and change about myself, and develop within and as myself in commuting – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the commuting as an opportunity for me to grow and expand, to move and develop myself, and not accept and allow myself to be defined by the reactions of and as the mind, and the environment that I find myself in

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I can learn to relax when I commute, to practice really letting go within myself, taking a breath, and accepting and allowing myself to rejuvenate, and I see, realize and understand that this is a gift that I can give to myself, to nurture and develop within commuting

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not utilize my moments of commuting to living the word observation, and accept and allow myself to observe the other commuters, and to see the details, and the hidden stories that exists, and also use this moment to get to know other people, and what they go through on a daily basis in order to secure their income – and within this also see, realize and understand that I am not alone in having to commute – that there are tons of people doing it every day – where it is not supportive for them, or where they are in their lives

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not utilize my moments of commuting to practicing self-discipline, practicing self-discipline in keeping the times, in getting up in the mornings, in moving myself to get on my train, and then move forward into my day, and within this also practicing to remain stable, and grounded, even though my daily life contains many physical obstacles and challenges

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the commute will be what I make it to be, that I can create something supportive out of it, or I can react to it, and make it a problem – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not find solutions, and to make something supporting and assisting in my life, something that I can take with me into the future, and something that will add to my character, and my life, and that will benefit not only me, but the people in meet in my future as well

Self-commitment

I commit myself to make my commuting a gift, to develop myself through it, and to assist and support myself through it – and thus I commit myself to in my commuting develop the skills of relaxing, of observation, and self-discipline, and perfect these skills in my commute, and thus I commit myself to not see my commuting as a problem, and as something to avoid, but as moments in my day where I can apply myself, create and build myself to become a better me

I commit myself to make the most of my commuting, and within this I commit myself to be the directive principle in my life, and thus not accept and allow my environment to define who I am, and how I experience myself – I instead commit myself to decide that my time commuting will be a supportive gift that enhances my life – I will make the best out of it and see what I can create in this situation that will be best for all

Day 223: Quantifying Process

In my process up to this point I have encountered some tools/technologies that are truly amazing and using them have assisted and supported me to come back from mind-possessions faster than what I could have imagined was possible. It is unfortunate that the general public does not know about these tools because using them is for a lack of better word life changing.

The first tool/technology I want to bring up is self-forgiveness spoken out loud –for those that are not aware of self-forgiveness you are able to research the basics HERE. I will not venture into the basics in this blog but rather open up the benefits I have discovered in doing self-forgiveness out loud, with the emphasis on the ‘out loud’ part. Because when we voice our self-forgiveness there are some fascinating physical effects that takes place – obviously we require ourselves to be self-honest in our self-forgiveness else it is not going to have the desired effect – though this is another point.

So, let me take an example from my own life in how I have used self-forgiveness – speaking it out loud – to drastically change my experience of myself within a pattern: Some months ago I started to become aware of a stress pattern that I went into when I directed myself to do my studies or other money related responsibilities within the system. The stress experience felt deeply ingrained, and most of the times I would not even be able to see or detect the stress energy as it emerged within me – instead my heart started to beat faster and my body began to produce more saliva, there was an immediate physical possession. Now this was obviously because the stress energy had already formed a personality that activated on a physical level in the same instant as I faced the stimulus of work, responsibilities and commitments with regards to money.

Due to the nature of the stress reaction that I was facing, with regards to the immediate possession it produced, it felt almost impossible to take directive principle of the experience. Because as I said, I would only become aware of the fact that I was stressed out, when it had already developed into a physical possession. And physical possessions tend to be very difficult to step out of and effectively change – the rule is that to effectively change a pattern, the correction must be inserted in a preceding timeline – before the pattern has reached the point of physical possession. Though, with stress, because it followed no clear timeline that accumulated into a possession, but instead went drove me into a possession instantly – I experienced it as a big challenge to get my directive principle into the equation.

Thus, here is where the technology of self-forgiveness out loud really assisted and supported me to release myself from my bondage to the stress-personality – because in order to strengthen my stand and solidify my foundation to be able to on a physical level direct the Stress personality, I utilized specific tonalities within my self-forgiveness – to through the tonalities and words assist and support myself to step into the living application of the correction. With stress, the voice tonality and living word that I had to practice in order to direct the personality was decisiveness, assertiveness and authority.

Through utilizing this tonality I managed to change and direct my stress personality – because through practicing sounding myself into the correction, I programmed myself on a physical level to have the necessary foundation, clarity, and direction – to immediately as the stress came up within me – direct myself with the necessary tenacity and willpower to stop the energy and insert my living correction. Thus this is the power of applying self-forgiveness out loud – and the potential of using SOUND in order to change ourselves – because it’s not just words – it’s not just sounds – it’s in-fact a living statement that we’re making that serve to program – or rather DIRECT – ourselves on a physical level.

It’s actually obvious when you consider it, the words we speak to ourselves are the roadmaps of our lives, it is through these we plan and create who we are – and the sounds we use is the expressions with which we are living our charts – and when we use our sound to support ourselves, to strengthen ourselves, to build ourselves, and in the sounds practice living the new vision we have set for ourselves – we make it a lot easier for ourselves to direct, and correct ourselves when we are faced with the real thing.

Really, with these tools there is nothing that can’t be changed, due to the simple reason that words and sounds are the building blocks of our character and within that our lives – and when we begin directing these dimensions and aspects of ourselves we are re-programming ourselves on a fundamental level – and in this we design and define ourselves in a way that will provide lasting and sustainable results.

Day 208: You Can Be Productive Without Stress

There are certain aspects of my world that will function as a trigger point to go into stress – one of these is my morning ritual – which will start at about 6 in the morning and then end at about 9 in the morning. Usually what will trigger the stress response in me is preparing my breakfast – this is a even that takes time and it takes time from what I perceive to be a more important activity – and where I should be at that time – which is at the library writing my thesis.

Though what is fascinating is that even though I get to the library a little later than usual, I will still have amply of time to write my thesis, and at the end of the day I will have been able to cover a lot of ground, and do pretty much what I set out to do – even though I was a little late. This proves one thing – that stress isn’t a real consideration – it’s not a real experience – it’s not an actual understanding that there is a lack of time – it’s instead a emotional response to a certain situation and nothing more.

Because usually I tend to believe that stress relates to what is going on in my physical realitymeaning that my stress has some form of justification – because I am running late and this will mean that certain consequences are going to flow – though stress doesn’t have those qualities of a real measurable insight into the functions of physical existence – it’s just an energy.

So, in looking deeper at what it is that triggers this stress, it’s the idea that in not getting to the library early enough, I am going to miss out and not be able to produce a sufficiently effective thesis as I’d hoped to do – so getting to the library becomes a matter of survival – becomes a matter of struggle where I fight against the time and try to avoid time from taking over my life.

In order to stop this stress I must stop the polarity of good and bad that rests in the depths of this experience – the idea that my life and future can either have the perfect outflow– where everything goes smoothly and in accordance to plan – or the most horrible outflow – where things turn to shit – I don’t get to spend a single hour at the library – and from there everything becomes crap. Instead it’s to understand that yes – I might be half an hour late – though there is no particular consequence to that – if I really require to I can just stay half an hour more at the library – or I can put in some more time during the weekend if I see that my thesis is moving to slowly – meaning: There are REAL solutions – there are REAL ways to deal with this point – and stress is not one of them and thus it shouldn’t be my automatic point of rendezvous whenever something doesn’t work out as I’ve hoped it would – instead the point that I go to should be a solution.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create this perpetual experience of stress within me towards living in and moving myself in the world system – towards following schedules, times and tables, and towards making a living for myself – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate waking up in the morning – starting my day – making my breakfast – and looking at my day as to what I must move and get done – through the eyes of survival – through the eyes of stress and anxiety – instead of looking at my life, my responsibilities and commitments within and as practical common sense

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate my schoolwork – and my responsibilities in relation to money and survival with fear and stress – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utilize stress at a motor and motivation within me to drive me forwards – and to believe that the sole way of making headway in this world – of making it in this reality is through stress and fear – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to initiate stress in the morning – and then to hold unto this stress throughout my day – believing that this is what must be done for me to get anything done whatsoever

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto a self-distrust – wherein I believe that unless I have energy as a motivator – that unless I have energy as something that drives me forward and creates me life for me – that I won’t do anything whatsoever – that I won’t move myself whatsoever and that I will get nothing done – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of stress – and resist fully and completely letting go of stress – and moving myself in equality with and as my human physical body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice slowing down when moving myself in my physical world – and dealing with my responsibilities and commitments – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold unto stress and anxiety as a valid motor for me to get forward and to do what I need to do in my life – and believe that a life without stress is a life that won’t move forward – and to believe that a life without thinking about what must be done next – and pushing myself to as fast as possible be done with these small responsibilities in my world to get to the next – that this is what counts

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not move myself in my world within and as the pace of breath – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not move myself slow and with patience – moving through all the points in my world with awareness and presence – getting to know all the points in my world because I move with them slowly and specifically and I don’t haste through them to get somewhere else – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that one of the key aspects in learning – and in expanding – is actually slowing down – because in slowing down I will be able to see more

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate being productive and effective to stress – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that in order to be productive and effective – in order to get headway and move things along – I require to go into stress – I even must go into stress because apparently without that I can’t be productive and effective – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I can push and will myself to be productive and effective here within and as breath – realizing that productive is me moving myself with my physical to produce – which is a physical act – and being effective is me doing that physical act with awareness, presence and specificity – and thus is also a physical act – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that stress doesn’t support me or enhance me as being productive and effective

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that believing that being effective and productive requires fear and stress is in-fact a misconception – and that the proof of such a point is nature – as well as the physical forces that operate – as these are always producing – always effective in their movement – yet they move solely with their physicals – and there is no mind – no stress – thus proving that what matters is physical movement – and not stress as an emotional experience

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that what matters is matter – and me moving and directing myself as a physical being in matter – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that to create myself in the physical and to create my world – I require to be herepresent and aware – and stress will not help me in that regard – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I will be able to create my life fully without stress – that it’s a question of what I physically do – not what type of experience that I have and hold unto

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into stress – and to associate the decision of studying or working with going into stress – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately as I approach something that is related to money – to the system – to work – or a similar point – to go into stress – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the system of money intrinsically must create this stress in me – and that it’s something unavoidable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it is I creating the stress that I experience – and that I’m doing through association – and thus I commit myself to change my association – to change my self-definition in the things that I do – to change my relationship to the things I walk in my life – to change studies from being something that I do to get through the system and survive – something that I do as a point of self-expansion and self-movement – and change work into me moving myself physically go give another as I’d like to receive – to produce in this world on a physical basis here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not deliberately change my way of waking up and initiating my morning – and make it something grounding – supportive and stabilizing – to find ways that I am able to ground myself and stop stress as it arise within me – and thus not accept and allow stress to become the defining experience of myself as I walk throughout my day

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I am going into a state of stress as I wake up and start my morning, or begin my studies, or take on my work, I stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that this stress comes up within me as a habit – as automated response to a particular dimension in my life that I am moving myself into – and that it’s completely unnecessary – and thus I commit myself to give myself a moment to breath – to slow down – to smell the air and feel my surroundings – to calm myself down and move myself back into my physical body and feel my breath

When and as I see that I am going into a state of stress, as I look in my mind and see the various responsibilities and commitments that I require to engage myself within throughout the day – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize and understand that it doesn’t support me to go into this state of stress – that I don’t get more done – that I can be productive and effective without stress – and thus I commit myself to slow down – to give myself a moment to breathe and ground myself in my human physical body – and then I will myself to walk and do one thing at a time – to follow my to-do list and walk the various practical aspects of my day in the physical – seeing realizing and understanding that the physical is in-fact all I require to move myself through my day and get done what is required to be done

Day 132: My Time = My Investment

Today I listened to an interview bought from the Eqafe store called ‘Why You Don’t Really Change?’ – and it was a fascinating exposé about what we should expect of ourselves in terms of changing ourselves.

The essence of the interview was that when we place a certain amount of time into writing, or applying self-forgiveness on a point, then this should be equally seen in the amount we change in our real-time living and application – if this isn’t happening = something isn’t right. And the point that isn’t ‘right’ so to speak, is that we are then not pushing ourselves to change – we are rather expecting it to happen automatically. To get the full gist of what is shared I suggest that you purchase the interview and listen to it yourself.

So, to make this knowledge practical, I am going to take a look at, and list where and in regards to which points in my world that I have spent much time investigating, writing, and applying self-forgiveness, but where I still don’t see significant change and movement.

I already know where these points are, and it’s primarily two points – and the first one is in relation to sexuality, and defining myself, and others according to ideas of beauty, attractiveness, and sensuality – instead of me seeing the person, and their body, for what it is – a body – a person – someone here in this physical reality together with me.

The second point is about irritation – a pattern of irritation that emerge as I wake up in the morning and that arise through me participating in backchat within the nature of blame, and feeling disturbed.

Thus these are the two points that I have still to effectively bring through into physical, practical and real change.

In regards to the first point – I realize that I have yet to establish an effective commitment statement that I am able to live and implement as these points arise – I have as such not given myself proper and effective direction. Thus, the practical commitment-statement I will live when these points arise of judging, defining, or looking at another from the starting point of an energy of attraction, arousal, or their opposites as disgust and resistance is that I will:

Take a breath, and be here with my body, realize that I am a body, and not a energy, and that this person before me is equally a body and not a energy, and that I can participate with them without a energy, because the physical is here regardless of what is my energy experience – and thus I commit myself to unconditionally let go of my energy – and participate here as a physical body – through being present of my breath, of my physical movement, of the physical sensations of that moment, and as such placing my focus and attention on what is here in this physical reality – as actual physical expressions – and thus move myself out of the energetic interpretation and experience in the moment; thus simplistically – I commit myself to interact with the physical – and be here with the physical – not in the energy

In regards to the second point, I see that I have not accepted and allowed myself to firstly, really stop the morning irritation, and neither have I accepted and allowed myself to change the general presence of myself in mornings, wherein I tend to be a bit depressed, and down, not really wanting to get on with my day – participate – move – interact – and be here with my physical world and reality, thus the correction I place for myself is that I will:

When I notice irritation and anger, to take a deep breath, and say NO – I will not go there – it’s unacceptable – I will instead remain stable and participate here in this physical world and reality without any form of energy – I thus commit myself to say stop, to mean stop, and to live stop – and I realize that it’s useless to say STOP – if I don’t MEAN stop – and LIVE stop

And in regards to my general experience of feeling down, and depressed in the morning, I commit myself to allow myself to ENJOY the morning – and be ACTIVE, EXPRESSIVE, and PARTICIPATE, and be HERE with this world and reality – which I can do through for example speaking – applying self-forgiveness with myself, playing guitar, laying down to read, or interact with the cats – the primary point being that I fully immerse myself in the act of LIVING and PARICIPATING here – and realize that I don’t need any energy in me when I wake up – and that I can get out of my bed – and immerse myself in the act of LIVING – and be grateful and jubilant that I have an opportunity to immerse myself in this process of living

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Day 126: I Have Been Wasting My Time

“I have been wasting my time” – this is an interesting statement and something that have come up within me recently. The context was as follows:

Wasting-TimeAn opportunity opened up in my world to walk a particular point, I took it on and walked it, placed much time and effort into the point, and made sure that it was walked effectively, specifically, and that the final product would be to my satisfaction. Then, quite unexpectedly, the point that I had been walking wasn’t anymore heremeaning – that the initial points that the decision was based upon wasn’t anymore here – and thus – the opportunity wasn’t anymore relevant from the perspective that it didn’t anymore fit into the structure of my world.

So, here initially, I looked at the point with a sense of disappointment, as I thought that I had placed so much time and effort into this point, and now it’s just gone – I have wasted all my time! I could’ve done something else that would have had more effective results – where my efforts would’ve actually payed off. Though, after this initial reaction, I started to reflect upon this statement of “I have been wasting my time” more deeply – and looked into whether it was in-fact valid or not – had I really been wasting my time?

I discussed the point with my partner, and in doing this I could see that part of my definition and idea of ‘wasting time’ – was in-fact – ‘wasting money’ – wherein I equaled time with money – and defined whether something had been a waste or not upon the basis of whether I had acquired and gained a proportionally adequate amount of money in relation to the efforts that I had made. Though, when I saw this, I could immediately see that this definition and understanding of wasting time wasn’t clear – it was not effective and not aligned with self, process and physical living – because what was obvious to me – was that even though I had spent a lot of time creating something that in the end didn’t come to what I initially projected – the time had not been wasted – because I had actually discovered some things about myself in the process, as well as gained some interesting insights into the functionality of the mind, and the world system – thus – I hadn’t actually wasted my time.

I then asked myself, but if I didn’t waste my time during this project, what is then the actuality of wasting time? What does it mean to waste time for real?

In asking this question I could see that wasting time is not so much about what I do – it’s rather about WHO I AM – and the determining factor of whether I am wasting my time or not – is whether I am wasting myself or not. But what does it then mean to waste myself?

Well, as I see it, wasting myself is something that I do when I am not fully immersed in the physical participatory process of LIVINGBREATHING – and moving myself HERE within and as the physical – because depending on WHO I AM – life and living can be diametrically different even though I am walking one and the same point.

To exemplify: let’s say that I am working as a cleaner, and in scenario 1, I am looking at this job from within and as the mentality that it’s boring, it’s tedious, it’s a low paid job, and I shouldn’t really be doing it – it’s a waste of my time. Participating in the job from this starting point, what am I then creating? Well, I am creating exactly that which I expect; I create equal and one to my starting point – and thus my job as a cleaner will be what I make it to be – it will be boring, I will not expand, it will just be a waste of time – and something that I do because I have to.

Then, let’s compare this with scenario 2, in which I have the same job, but in this scenario, I do not have any experience towards my job, in-fact I realize that I have a tendency, to as I do my cleaning, I escape into my thoughts, and I see that I am not very present with the process of cleaning, which makes me miss points, miss dirt, and not clean very effectively – and in seeing this – I decide to expand myself, and practice presence, and practice being aware of my environment, and being specific and diligent with my cleaning, so that I perfect the skill of cleaning, and in the process learn how my body functions, and how postures, and movements effect my body, my muscles, and my general experience of myself. Look at this scenario, I am doing the exact same thing as in scenario 1, though in scenario 2, I am in-fact expanding myself in the process of cleaning, I am developing skills that will be able to assist and support me in all aspects of my life, and I am in-fact growing, and walking a real-time process of education – which is something that I will bring with me for the rest of my life in this world.

Thus, from this comparison, it’s quite easy to see what is an actual waste of time – an actual waste of time is to not be HERE with myself, and take what is here for granted, and refuse to see that in every moment, in every situation, in every breath, there is a process of growth I can take on and walk, there is a skill I can develop, there is a insight I can gain – though – it’s all up to me and who I am. As such, wasting time for real is not about money, or what I am doing, it’s about WHO I AM within what I am doing – and when I do something in presence, in awareness, and I immerse myself within it fully, completely, walking it with the physical equal and one – then I am in-fact not wasting my time – then I am walking in REAL TIME – which is really the absolute and optimum use of time – to be here with myself and constantly bring myself back here – to walk the process of birthing myself as life from the physical – which is a process of developing effective life skills – and this is not something that is limited to a certain environment, situation, or time – it’s something that I decide to walk.

Thus, the common denominator is always – SELF – and when I make sure that I do not take myself for granted – but that every breath, and every moment is something that I cherish and walk fully – then it’s impossible to waste time – wasting time is thus something that I decide to do or not to do – and in this am as such fully responsible.

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Day 80: I Don’t Want To Be Alone!

Today as I woke up I had an experience of sadness in my solar plexus. The nature of the thoughts that came up In relation to this point was of the kind that “everything is meaningless” – “I am a looser” – “there is something wrong with me” – so I can see that this experience is something that have been triggered during the day before.

6a013488670c86970c013488679417970c-800wiSo, what I am able to see is that this is experience relates to loneliness, and it relates to the hope, and desire to be accepted, and popular among people – that’s the polarity; either I am accepted and I feel great – or I am not accepted and I feel like shit. This point of sadness is me going into the negative polarity of feeling like shit because I’ve not been able to interact with others sufficiently well to be able to promote the idea of myself within myself that “I am accepted” and “I am good enough”.

What I am also able to see is that in this sadness there exists competition, and comparison – because the nature of the thoughts will be directed towards others, that I deem to be very popular, and socially effective beings, my thoughts will go to those, and sort of point out how successful and good they are, and what a failure I am – and that I obviously should push myself to be more like them so that I don’t have to experience myself like a failure all the time.

The origin point of this experience is thus aloneness, and also self-acceptance – meaning that it’s these two points that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to get down, and realize that hey: it’s nothing bad to be alone, it’s completely normal, and that obviously it shouldn’t influence who I am in anyway – and also accepting myself that: I am not like others, I can’t thus compare myself with others and say that “I should be like them” – because I am myself, and thus I should instead ask myself, instead of asking “how can I be like others?” – “how can I assist and support myself to expand and express myself more effectively?” – within that bringing the focus back to myself instead of looking out there at what I perceive others to be doing.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be possessed by and as a experience of sadness as I wake up, as a feeling that I’ve not been able to make my life as successful that I’ve hoped I would, I’ve not able to get as many friends, to build as many contacts, to create a big enough network, and to establish myself as a popular, and likable person in others life’s; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress, and forget about myself, and to see, realize, and understand that I am not accepting and allowing myself to nurture myself, and to give to myself, as I’d like to receive – which would be that I look at how I can expand, and how I can make my day, and each breath that I take, to be a full expression and movement of myself here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become enveloped in sadness, and in feeling pity for myself, in that “I have not been able to experience this world as much as I’d like to” – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have hopes, expectations, and wants that my life is supposed to be this joyride of discovering new things, of opening up new adventures, and that there is something wrong in my life unless there is a constant feed of stimulation into my mind, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that obviously something isn’t per definition wrong the moment I don’t experience myself to be stimulated, and as if I am involved in a adventure; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice sticking with the physical – stick with what is real here – sticking with my breath, and physical movement – and realizing that everything else but that which is physically here is really but a delusion and not something of value and substance

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that something is wrong when and as a I don’t feel stimulated, and when and as I don’t feel as if my world is expanding in the form of relationships, and in the form getting to know others; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my relationships, and my communications with others, perceptual – wherein the point only exists as a energy within me, wherein I feel happy, and energetically positive, and upwards, when and as I feel that others have given me attention, and I feel downwards, and depressed, when and as I feel that others simply do not care for me what so ever

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to polarize my daily living through defining it as either being positive, or negative, wherein I will meet someone during my day, and speak with them, and then define that as positive, and then during some days, I won’t meet anyone, and then I will define that as a negative; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my life, and my daily living a rollercoaster wherein I constantly feel either hyped up, or sad and dismissed; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not practice stabilizing myself here – and living HERE within and as the physical – within and as breath – within and as each and every moment, wherein I accept and allow myself to not try to make myself more than, or less than, but that I live without polarity in and as every moment fully with my physical body here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel happy, and content when I’ve during a day had many conversations, and meetings with other people, and then feel as I’ve “succeeded” and my life has become better, and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the interactions I have with others, and to see myself as either being positively, or negatively charged, depending upon how I perceive that others see me – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize, and understand that there is a point called self-acceptance – meaning that I don’t have to become something for another, but that I am able to accept myself here and simply be myself, and within that not create any positive, or negative reactions – but that I am simply here in every moment and walk the points that open up here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to having some kind of energy within me that is able to dictate to me how I should experience myself, what I should do, what I should think about, and what I should worry about; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not establish the point of realizing that I don’t need this constant up-and-down living – meaning: energy is limited, and it’s not even the real me, it’s not even the real physical – it’s a system that at death will not exist anymore – thus obviously basing my life upon energy is completely ridiculous, as it’s implying that I don’t base my living on reality, but upon something that is in-fact only a illusion, and that only exists subjectively for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when I have a negative experience, that this implies that there is something negative happening for real, instead of seeing, realizing, and understanding that a negative experience, is merely a negative experience and is nothing more than a negative experience, just a as a positive experience is nothing more but a positive experience – it’s simply energies and these energies obviously have nothing to do with actual physical living – these energies are simply the outflow consequence of not effectively understanding and applying the point of living HERE without a mind, and instead living as words as a physical expression of myself here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the assertions made in my head, that I should be more like people I perceive to be successful, happy, and sociable, that they are real – and that I can’t be complete, and I can’t be whole, and I can’t be satisfied with myself, unless I change myself, and get my “life together” so to speak – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand the obvious common sense, which is that what goes on in my mind has zero relevance to factual, practical living – and that my mind is a machine deliberately installed to fuck up my relationship with my human physical body, and this physical existence – and that as such I can’t trust anything that moves in this machine, unless I’ve in full awareness actually decided to think a particular thought, because I understand what I am doing, and see that I in-fact require to utilize a moment to think about a particular point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand that a reason I feel saddened, is because I’ve installed into my mind all these kinds of references as what a “effective” and “good” life is apparently, through watching TV-series – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that life is good when and as I have lot’s of friends, when and as I have “my purpose” so to speak perfectly aligned, and this purpose gives me a positive experience, and I am noticed for having this purpose, and people align with me to support me in my purpose; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be obsessed with ME – ME – ME with MINE – MINE – MINE – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that there exists more beings in this world, more points to consider than simply me – and that obviously life is not acceptable for real only because I experience myself positively charged in my mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize, and understand the difference that exists between living in the physical, and living in the mind – because living in the physical is simply that: it’s me moving myself to do what you can do physically here – tending to my responsibilities, and my life and general, and then simply doing that without any reaction – while living in the mind is a constant experience of ups and downs – and either being more than, or less than, either succeeding, or failing; as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not drop the complexity of my life as the mind – and to focus upon living simply – living simplicity – living and focusing upon making each and every breath a physically lived moment here

Self-commitment statements

When and as I see that I am going into a sadness, because I feel that I’ve not sufficiently been able to “get myself out there” and have me “be known” and “considered” by others – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that I am within and as this particular way of living allowing myself to forget, and shut my eyes to what is in-fact real – to what is in-fact physical, distinguishable, touchable; as such I commit myself to breath and bring myself back here – and to walk as my human physical body – to walk simplicity of living in breath and to realize that when living becomes more than breath – more than walking here – then I am in my mind and not here

When and as I see that I go into a state of sadness, and I experience myself lost, and as if there is “nothing to live for” – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that living through the mind implies that I am living for nothing, I mean, because all that matters is energy, and the final outcome of energy is that it seize to exist , and thus by implication I am living for nothing; as such I commit myself to live as the physical here – and stop my mind – stop participating in sadness, and feeling dissatisfied with myself, and bring myself back here – and live here – and realize that I’ve not ever accepted and allowed myself to live and walk HERE in my life because I’ve thought that it removes me from life as energy – instead of understanding that energy is not life and that living here with the physical is in-fact living here as life.

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Day 47: Dealing with Headache

man-headacheToday I got a headache – not a severe one – but it hurts enough to bother me; so I am going to look at why this headache came up – because for you that aren’t familiar with the Desteni material: the reason for headaches is participation the mind, and it’s usually due to participation in thoughts, and backchat that have repeated during the week – so one have to look back during the week to see what thoughts have mulled around in the head.

Now, I am quite clear about what caused this head-ache because it came up in an instant, and very specifically in relation to a thought that came up in that moment – and this point is in relation to success, and wanting to develop self – the paranoia of self-development. And now – this is not a supportive self-development that I am talking about – it’s an obsession with self-development that I’ve undertaken because I want to feel smart, and appear knowledgeable – which is interestingly enough more a point of devolution rather than evolution.

So – before the head-ache began I was occupying myself with studying, and reading up on some subjects that I’ve decided to get to know better; obviously – this is a cool point because the knowledge is practical, and will assist me in my daily living – though – what I’ve done that is not effective, and practical – is that I’ve created a ego-point around this self-education point.

I will as such when I learn new stuff go into a state of excitement, and indulge in grandiose pictures of myself in my mind – and I will feel energetically high – like I am riding the waves – empowering myself, and becoming better; feeling like I am able to take on the world. So – this is the ego-part of learning new things, which is also obstructing me from in-fact learning new things – because I tend to want to learn “more” and go “faster” – and be more time-efficient, which results in me not giving the point that I am walking appropriate time, and attention – and then I won’t actually understand what I am learning – so I am becoming negligent to the process of actually learning – because: I want to reach the end, and get results, and get over there! I mean – it’s interesting – I mentioned this point in my blog yesterday as well – this point of wanting to reach for the stars, but not wanting to go through the actual process of building that rocket-ship, and organizing the entire trip – to then after having walked the necessary labor actually go out and travel to the stars – it’s this McDonalds type behavior – that I want things fast, and I want them now!

Thus – I will be careless with my education process, because I want to become more educated, and I want to feel smart, and intelligent – and be better than others – so the point in essence stems from a inferiority, which I am trying to escape through competition – wherein I am using knowledge as a way to boost my ego and feel less inferior; while obviously – this is not a solution because it will not remove my experience of inferiority – it will only increase my inferiority, because I will further polarize the point into a positive, and negative state – instead of immediately correcting the point of inferiority, and within this allow myself to be satisfied with myself.

I mean – because this is also a huge part as to why I go into this striving-character of as fast as possible “trying to get there” – it’s because I don’t allow myself to be satisfied with myself; I mean – sure – it’s also important not to be over-satisfied with self, which in essence is a form of slothfulness, and indolence – where I am “satisfied with myself even though I don’t do anything; that point isn’t valid either. Though the opposite point of all the time striving, stressing, pressing, forcing – this is not valid either – and obviously – the reason for both these points being invalid is that they are based on a state of energy – and a state of energy is always more, or less than pure physical self-expression here – while pure physical self-expression on the other hand is in complete equilibrium with this moment here – wherein there is a natural, slow, consistent, and determined development process that occurs – wherein I am moving, and directing myself – yet doing this breath-by-breath – like a snail that slowly but with certainty moves, and walks a certain path – until the destination is reached – and even though it looks like it’s going slow – it doesn’t matter – because the snail will eventually reach his goal.

So, what I am seeing as a solution to end this strife-character, and this energetic state of competition – is to align myself with the movement of breath, and be gentle with myself – now – being gentle with myself is as I explained in yesterday’s blog – a point of moving myself gracefully, and softly in every moment – wherein I am not in a state of rush, or energy of trying to get as much as possible done, as fast as possible – but that I am moving consistently with the breath here – one breath at a time.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a state of superiority, and feeling more than, and better than – and imagining myself in all types of magnificent positions in the world – of being seen, and being famous – doing this because I experience myself as inferior, and being dissatisfied with myself – feeling that I have to strife, and do more, and become more, for me to be satisfied with myself; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a state of being rushed, and a state “trying to do as much as possible in the shortest time-frame possible” – instead of accepting and allowing myself to move on breath per breath basis – allowing myself to move in equality and oneness with my human physical body – not trying to do more, and not trying do less – but instead simply living here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I require to impress upon others that I have particular knowledge, and compete with others to gain some sort of recognition, and value in this world-system – for me to stop this inferiority; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not understand that I don’t have become “more than” to stop my experience of being “less than” – because I mean – both these points are invalid – and the solution is instead to STOP creation – to stop creating myself through and as energy – and instead deciding to create myself as the living movement of breath in every moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not create myself as the slowness, gentleness, meticulousness, and specificity, and consistency of breath – I mean breath is really this amazing point – that goes out, and in – all day long – consistent with the same movement – and the body will naturally align the breathing pattern to what physical points must be directed – and within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to align with this point of breathing – and allow myself to be consistent, stable, and simple – in focusing on the simple movement of myself as simply being here – and walking the point that is HERE without no ego, or mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to turn self-education into a point of ego – wherein I feel, and experience that I become “more than” and “better than” when I learn new things, and when I acquire new information – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from self-education – and think that knowledge and information is more than me, and adds to me more value than what I currently have – instead of accepting and allowing myself to purify my starting point for self-education – in understanding that knowledge and information can be used to enhance my life-experience, and effectiveness in this world, and reality – but it doesn’t change WHO I AM – as I remain the same – a physical breath movement here – that is not defined by this world; that is in this world – but not off this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that education doesn’t make me who I am – it’s instead a point that I am able to enhance my effectiveness in this life – and to make informed, and effective decisions that have an outflow as what is best for all – but it doesn’t make me more, or less – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop this point of excitement, and feeling superior, and energetically evolving – when and as I am studying – in realizing knowledge, and information is merely a practical point of knowledge and information – and it’s nothing that is more than, or less than – and I mean – learning new things is physically equal to anything else in my world that is physical – such as for example going out and taking a walk – and as such it simply doesn’t make any sense to exalt education to some form of god status in my world; but instead use education as self-support for me to become effective in this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exalt educated persons in my mind – in thinking that persons that hold much knowledge of the world, and that are for example professors, or other type of academics, are more than “normal people” more than “working class people” – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within me, want and desire to reach, and attain a status within me of being able to see, and define myself as being educated – and knowledgeable – and wise

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want, and desire to accumulate as much knowledge as I can possibly do in this life – to as such feel, and experience myself as being superior, and more-than; and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to glorify knowledge, to glorify so-called intelligence, to glorify so-called wisdom – instead of understanding that looking at the world – there are many of these people that are intelligent, and knowledgeable in the world – yet nothing has changed; I mean why is this? It’s simple – it’s because knowledge, and information is useless without practical application – and I mean – the point of the practical application that is the point of the principle – the “who I am” – and this is the point that is of primary importance as it determines my very daily-living – and as such I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand – that even though I accumulate all knowledge in the world – it will be useless unless I sort out my relationship with myself – and allow myself align myself with the physical – and practice living what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to glorify knowledge, and information – because my parents did that – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to simply copy my parents, and also begin to glorify information, and knowledge, instead of questioning the point – and asking myself – but hey – is this point really so fucking awesome? I mean – what is it with knowledge, and information really that makes it so important, and cool? And within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to understand that knowledge, and information without a effective living-principle – is useless – because it will be used to further self-interest, and further separation, division, and meaningless suffering – and hierarchical abuse – and so I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to understand that simplicity is the point that is worthy of real respect, and glory – the simplicity of living breath – of living care – of living respect – of living consideration – of living what is best for all; that is what have been missed in humanity – where simplicity have been interpreted as a weakness – while simplicity is really the key to creating a better world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to glorify wisdom, as knowledge – instead of understanding that wisdom, and knowledge is really but arrogance, and presumption hidden in beautiful words, and complex sentences – to make it appear as if there is an advanced intelligence behind the words – while really there is nothing of substance at all – and I mean – there is nothing of the strength that is hidden in the so very simple points of nature – such for example a cat, or a dog – that are so simple – yet still hold more substance, and value – and worth – than what any wise man, or knowledgeable human-being have been able to muster – simply because of one thing; that the animals are REAL – they live, and express themselves with and as the physical – within and as PRACTICALITY – and that is what is missed when knowledge is glorified – that this world is practical and only practical physical self-movement is real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to glorify, and embellish philosophers, and people that think a lot – and that have many opinions about many different things – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dedicate my life to become one of these “smart persons” – instead of asking myself – but hey – what is really the value of this? I mean – me seemingly being smart – as having a particular vocabulary and being able to express this with confidence – is that really of any substance at all? And I mean – obviously – no – it’s not of any substance – because substance is not trying to impress others, or competing with others – it’s instead daring to live without self-interest – without a hidden agenda – and live practically what is best for all; which would in relation to self-education – be to focus one’s self-education to learn about points for a practical reason – so that one could then use the information to practically enhance one’s living expression in day-to-day living

Self-commitments

When and as I see that I go into a character of strife, of trying to “get results” and do as much as possible in the shortest time-frame possible – to apparently “be effective with my time” – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this idea of time-effectiveness that I’ve created in my mind – is completely delusional – as it’s based upon the idea that the results are separate from the process of achieving and walking these results – thinking that I mean – to compromise the process and being negligent in my process of walking the point of learning, or establishing something – apparently won’t have any effect on the results; instead of understanding that the final outcome is always equal and one to the process walked to establish the point – and if the process isn’t walked in specificity and detail – then the results will not be effective; as such I commit myself to practice living patience, being composed, and steady in my application – moving consistently one foot in-front of the other – and not trying to make a “giant leap for mankind” so to speak

When and as I try to gain a energetic state of superiority to end my experience of inferiority – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this point – as the idea that apparently I can end my negative experiences through imposing unto myself positive experiences – it’s not real; it’s merely a McDonalds solution – wanting to be fine, and cool with myself – without actually doing the labor of looking into how I’ve specifically created myself – and how I am able to re-create myself as what is best for all; as such I commit myself to dare to go into the nitty-gritty of my negative states – and understand the dealing with the problem at it’s core – is the only solution

When and as I see that I go out of the state of natural breathing, and being aligned with and as my breath – in that I go into a state of trying to be more than breath, and more than this moment here – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – being more than here is an illusion – and implies that I go into my mind – which really means that I become less; because I will go into my mind and live in a illusion which is by design inferior to the physical as reality; as such I commit myself to see that living HERE in every moment – and walking this breath here fully – that is enough – that is sufficient – and that is really the epitome of living – because it’s being real – and there is no point in this existence that is more than this point of HERE

When and as I see that I define myself as being “educated” and I create an energetic state within me of feeling that I am more than, and better than – advanced, and evolved; I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that this point of thinking that I am more than because I’ve read something, or integrated some knowledge – I mean – it’s not real – it’s a fake experience – and the proof that it’s fake – is that it’s not a practical and factual point that I can observe and use practically in my world to support me – it’s a mental divergent from physical actual reality; as such I commit myself to study as a practical point – understanding that knowledge, and information doesn’t define me – as I am in this world – but not off this world

When and as I see that I am exalting the process of integrating new information, as studying, and as being educated to some type of godhood within me – thinking that it’s the “ultimate point” – and that I am really “becoming more” when I educate myself; I immediately stop myself – I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – this point of thinking that information is making me better, making me higher – I mean – it’s a illusion – and the proof is existent in this world – a world that is obsessed with creating, and learning information – yet has this produced a better world? No – merely more effective way’s for human-beings to kill, and lie to one another – that is not real evolution; as such I commit myself to understand that information is useless unless it’s used – practically used – to benefit everyone – as what is best for all

When and as I see that I am exalting academic persons in my mind, thinking that they are special, and above “normal” people – or “working class” people – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that society would not function without the carpenter, or the garbage-man, or the locomotive driver – I mean academics serve their purpose but it’s not more important than a practical point in this reality; as such I commit myself to stop exalting academica to some type of godhood in my mind – and I commit myself to see that academic knowledge is just that – academic knowledge

When and as I see that I am glorifying knowledge, and apparently “smart people” – thinking that these kind of people are so cool, and impressive – and that I want to become just like them – I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that – I mean knowledge is useless without practical application – knowledge for the sake of knowledge is only unnecessary and obviously only the ego can benefit from such a point – as the desire to seem to be more than another; as such I commit myself to accumulate knowledge that is practically relevant to my life – and the creation of world that is best for all – and just accumulate knowledge for the sake of knowledge

When and as I see that I am glorifying, and seeking to appear complex, and intelligent, and deep, and profound, I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that everything is in reverse – thus it’s not complexity, or profoundness that is the solution – it’s simplicity and changing the very ordinary, and normal points of living life to become life-supportive – I mean – this is what has been missed in humanity as a whole – we all want to become super-heroes, and save the day – and kill the evil genius with one heroic blow – not realizing that the super-hero point is not taking into consideration that life is about simple daily acts – a day to day living where there is no big events – and that big events is created through the accumulation of smaller events as small daily actions; and as such I commit myself to focus upon correcting my living simplicity – and my ordinariness – to as such understand that real change doesn’t happen super-hero style – but happens instead slowly, but surely – in applying oneself in the simplicity of supporting oneself in every breath to remain clear – stable, and effective

When and as I see that I glorify complexity, knowledge, information, and philosophy – and regard this as more than simplicity; I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that simplicity is the key to changing this world and reality – because in simplicity one is able to remain here as breath – and act within and as the moment – as simply seeing what is here and then making a decision, and walking that decision; I mean that is simple – instead of being complex – wherein one get’s stuck in thinking about a point – considering all kinds of made up mental rules, and regulations – looking at what is best, and what isn’t – instead of simply seeing, and acting; as such I commit myself to practice simplicity – which is to practice living here as breath directly – and not allow a mental wall to exist between me and reality

When and as I see that I am accumulating information to become, and feel more than – better than – and like I have a higher value than others; I immediately stop myself, I take a breath, and I bring myself back here – and I see, realize, and understand that information in itself is useless – and to sit and gather information merely for the sake of having lot’s of information one is able to repeat – I mean that is both ludicrous, and also useless – and a waste of time; as such I commit myself to make sure that I accumulate knowledge from a starting of supporting in my practical day-to-day living – and not to create a feeling, and experience within me of being more than

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Day 45: I Testify – Here is My Witness-Statement

I am Viktor Persson from Uppsala, Sweden, and I was born in Stockholm, Sweden in the year of 1987. I finished high-school year 2006, and began my university studies 2011 – and I’ve selected to study the degree of law. I joined the Desteni Research Group through the Equal Life Foundation in the end of 2008 – when I also started my investigations of my mind, and what it means to live.

I started walking my process, and I’ve visited the farm, and throughout my process I’ve kept a journal about my understanding and practical application of it.

The duration of my first visit to the farm was 6 months, and the second visit was 1 month; through visiting the farm I learned that living doesn’t have to be a struggle, and that it can be enjoyable. That there are always new challenges to take on, and new points of self-expansion to be walked – and that life never stagnates unless self accepts and allows this to happen through valuing fear more than self-expansion. I have learned the value of discipline, consistency, principles, and living-ideals – and I have understood that change can only become a living reality through practical application in the physical – not through thinking about it.

In my process of keeping a journal, and investigating the Desteni Material – I’ve become more emotionally stable, assertive, decisive, strong, self-independent, self-confident, and I’ve decided to study law – which is something that I wouldn’t have done unless I became involved with the Desteni Research Team. Never have my participation with Desteni been motivated by Money – but my motivation has sprung from the sheer substance, and value that is to be found in the Material that Desteni presents; thus Desteni is NOT a Pyramid Scheme!

Through walking, and applying the Desteni Tools During the last 5 years – I have:

Transcended apathy; I now care about the direction of my life, my future, my well-being – and the well-being of those whom I share my world with.

Transcended social-anxiety; I now enjoy talking, and communicating with people in my life – and get to know new human-beings – I look with excitement at the prospect of expanding my network of acquaintances – instead of fearing it.

Learned how the world functions; I’ve humbled myself – and realized that I know very little about how the world functions – and within that I’ve begun my research too understand how the world functions – and I have learned A LOT – simply because I now care about myself, and my effectiveness in this world – and the daily impact I have on other people.

Transcended the desire for fame; I do not anymore look to become famous – and my life do not circle around me “making it” with my music – instead I’ve given myself a new purpose – to become the best I can be in this life – and to make this earth/world the best it can be.

Developed self-discipline; I am now very disciplined – and I am able to effectively structure the time of my day – and prioritize my tasks – allowing me to be a highly productive, effective, and functional human-being – and due to this I am able to walk several projects all at once without allowing this to compromise my presence and stability.

Developed self-assertiveness; I now stand comfortable alone – I don’t search for friendships – I instead develop contacts with people as a decision that I do without a secret agenda to feel accepted – I am now able to make decisions, and stand by these and not need the confirmation and support from someone else that I am “doing right” – I’ve learned how to think critically, and consider physical priorities – and thus I am able to make effective decisions, and trust my decisions.

Learned English; I am now highly effective in the use of the English language – both in speech, and in writing – all due to having consistently a kept journal of my research of the Desteni Material.

Developed effective communication skills; I am now able to speak with much more clarity, and self-trust – and convey points with great ease – I’ve for example received feedback several times from my teachers that my communication is clear – and concise – and that people understand me when I speak – I take this as feedback that my communication-skills have become much more effective.

Developed self-introspection/reflection, and self-correction skills; when something happens in my world that I react towards – I am now not anymore a helpless victim to my reactions – I am able to immediately deal with, walk through, and correct the reaction – and my living – through using the tools of writing, self-forgiveness, self-commitments, and living the self-correction – as such I now trust myself to walk through this life effectively without falling – because I know that I have the tools for me to live effectively, and I am an expert in the use of them.

Developed my reading abilities; I am now a effective reader – this is due to how I have for the last 5 years spent countless of hours reading the Desteni Material – and also developing my vocabulary, and writing-skill through keeping a journal – thus I am now able to read most literature fast, and with effective comprehension – allowing me to be very effective in the world-system.

Developed relationship/partnership-skills; before Desteni I was not effective in communication, and intimacy-development in relationships – since I began my research at Desteni I’ve begun to develop this point – and the moment I am walking a relationship within which I’ve been able to establish an effective communication, and also express myself intimately – as such allowing me to walk a functional, and fulfilling relationship with another.

Learned to Forgive; before Desteni I held the adult-world in contempt for my failure as a human-being – in particular my parents; since Desteni I’ve forgiven my parents and established a fulfilling, and functional relationship with them that is emotionally stable and mutually beneficial.

Developed a relationship with my human physical body; I now care what food I eat – I care about the state of my body, and I am able to understand when it is something that I am eating that cause a imbalance in my physical body – and within that correct the point; and as such I’ve developed a effective physical communication with my body that have allowed me to live a more healthy, awake, and fulfilling life.

Thus – this is my witness-statement – this is what I’ve experienced, walked through, and understood in my five years with Desteni; Prooving that Desteni is NOT a scam – This is not hear-say but I’ve experienced this first-hand – thus – this is the evidence I show for anyone that is interested in knowing what is Desteni, and what are the effects of Desteni – Here is the Answer – I am the Answer.